Help with the Week 8 class discussion from your textbook (p.

199-202)

Relational Dialectics opposing forces or tensions found in all relationships; these tensions are continuous and normal
in relationships.
The three dialectics (described below) create ongoing tensions in healthy relationships. This is a problem only if partners
dont understand that they are natural parts of relationships. Once we realize that dialectical tensions are normal, we
can accept and grow from them ( Baxter & Braithwaite, 2008; Baxter & Montgomery, 1996; Metts, 2006b).
Autonomy/ Connection
All of us experience tension between the desire to be autonomous, or independent, and the desire to be close, or
connected, to others. Friends and romantic partners want to spend time with each other, to have joint interests, and to
talk personally. At the same time, they need to feel that their individuality is not swallowed up by relationships. Tension
between the need for autonomy and the need for connection also marks relationships on the job. We may enjoy being
part of teams and like the sense of community in our workplace. At the same time, we may want to do some work
independently. Relationship counselors agree that the most central and continuous friction in most close relationships
arises from the opposing needs for autonomy and for connection ( Beck, 1988; Scarf, 1987). When Robbie and I take
vacations, we eat all meals together, engage in shared activities, and sleep and interact in confined spaces where privacy
is limited. Typically, when we return home after a vacation, we interact less than usual for several days. Having been
immersed in togetherness, we both seek distance to reestablish our autonomous identities. Both autonomy and
closeness are natural human needs. The challenge is to preserve individuality while also nurturing connection in a
relationship.
Novelty/ Predictability
The second dialectic is the tension between wanting routine or familiarity and wanting novelty in a relationship. All of us
like a certain amount of routine to provide security and predictability in our lives. Yet, too much routine becomes boring,
so we need occasional new or novel. On- the- job relationships also feel the tension between the desire for predictability
and the desire for novelty. We want enough routine at work to feel competent and familiar with our responsibilities. But
we also want enough novelty, or change, to keep us stimulated. However, as Dennis points out, too much novelty in the
workplace can be overwhelming.
Openness/ Closedness
The third dialectic is a tension between wanting open communication and needing a degree of privacy, even with
intimates. With our closest partners, we self-disclose in ways we dont with coworkers and casual acquaintances. Yet, we
also desire some privacy, and we want our intimates to respect that. Completely unrestrained expressiveness would be
intolerable ( Baxter, 1993; Petronio, 1991). Wanting some privacy doesnt mean that a relationship is in trouble. It
means only that we have needs for both openness and closedness.
The three dialectics create ongoing tensions in healthy relationships. This is a problem only if partners dont understand
that dialectics and the tension they generate are natural parts of relational life. Once we realize that dialectical tensions
are normal, we can accept and grow from them ( Baxter & Braithwaite, 2008; Baxter & Montgomery, 1996; Metts,
2006b).