WritePlacer

Guide with
Sample Essays

Rev 12/10/2008

2008 The College Board. All rights reserved. College Board, ACCUPLACER, WritePlacer,
and the acorn logo are registered trademarks of the College Board. inspiring minds is a trademark
owned by the College Board. All other products and services may be trademarks of their
respective owners. Visit the College Board on the Web: www.collegeboard.com.

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Introduction to WritePlacer
Prompts within the ACCUPLACER System have been carefully designed so that the student can
respond quickly and in a variety of ways. Prompts are free of technical or specific literary references
and do not require specialized knowledge. The prompts are designed to stimulate critical thinking and
are relevant to any number of fields and interests. Students will be asked to draw on a broad range of
experiences, learning and ideas to support their point of view on the issue in question.
Scores on WritePlacer range from 1 to 8. An essay that is too short to be evaluated, written on a topic
other than the one presented, or written in a language other than English will be given a score of zero.
A prompt consists of a short passage adapted from some authentic text. Following the passage is an
assignment that requires the student to focus on the issue addressed in the passage.

Instructions to Students
The essay gives you an opportunity to show how effectively you can develop and express your ideas in
writing. You will first read a short passage and an assignment question that are focused on an
important issue. You will then write an essay in which you develop your own point of view on the
issue. You should support your position with appropriate reasoning and examples. The position you
take will not influence your score.
Your essay will be given a holistic score that represents how clearly and effectively you expressed
your position. The following six characteristics of writing will be considered:

Purpose and Focus The extent to which you present information in a unified and
coherent manner, clearly addressing the issue.

Organization and Structure The extent to which you order and connect ideas.

Development and Support The extent to which you develop and support ideas.

Sentence Variety and Style The extent to which you craft sentences and paragraphs
demonstrating control of vocabulary, voice and structure.

Mechanical Conventions The extent to which you express ideas using Standard
Written English.

Critical Thinking The extent to which you communicate a point of view and
demonstrate reasoned relationships among ideas.

2008 The College Board. All rights reserved.

Sample Prompt
Passage
An actor, when his cue came, was unable to move onto the stage. He said, I cant get in, the chair is
in the way. And the producer said, Use the difficulty. If its a drama, pick the chair up and smash it.
If its comedy, fall over it. From this experience the actor concluded that in any situation in life that
is negative, there is something positive you can do with it.
Adapted from Lawrence Eisenberg, Caine Scrutiny.

Assignment
Can any obstacle or disadvantage be turned into something good?

Sample Essays
On the pages that follow there are descriptions of each of the eight WritePlacer score points followed
by two sample essays that were assigned the indicated score. Annotations are provided for each essay
explaining why the essay was given the score it received. Studying these sample essays and the
accompanying annotations will point out the elements considered during the scoring process.

2008 The College Board. All rights reserved.

SCORE of 1
Description of Score of 1
A response in this category demonstrates no mastery of on-demand essay writing; the response is
severely flawed by many or most of the following weaknesses:

Lacks a viable point of view on the issue

Demonstrates no awareness of audience
Fails to present a main idea
Demonstrates flawed reasoning
Demonstrates no complexity of thought
Is disorganized and/or disjointed
Displays fundamental errors in word choice, usage and sentence structure
Contains pervasive spelling, grammar, punctuation and mechanical errors

Shown below are sample essays that received a score of 1. The annotations explain why the essay
received the indicated score.

SampleEssay#1Scoreof1

Thequestioniscananyobstacleordisadvantagebeturnedintosomethinggood?Yesitcan,because
eveninthestoryhecouldntgetinbecauseofthechairandtheguytellshimifitsadrama,Smashit
andifitsacomedyfalloverit.Butwhenyouthinkaboutit,ifagirlwasguiltyandwaspleadingto
sayonhowshewasinocentandtheycatchherinalieitspracticallythesamething.Butthatsnot
thepointbutyoucanchangeanegativeintoapositivesomeway.

_________________

Annotations_________________

Thisessaylacksaviable,coherentpointofviewontheissue.Thewriterattemptstoexplainthatyou
canchangeanegativeintoapositive,buttheideasprovidedareminimalanddisorganized,resulting
inadisjointedand,attimes,incoherentessay(Yesitcan....Butwhenyouthinkaboutit,ifagirlwas
guiltyandwaspleadingtosayonhowshewasinocentandtheycatchherinalieitspracticallythe
samething).Theresponsedemonstratesflawedreasoning,nocomplexityofthoughtanddisplays
fundamentalerrorsinsentencestructure(Butthatsnotthepointbutyoucanchange...).
Demonstratingnomastery,thisessayreceivesascoreof1.

2008 The College Board. All rights reserved.

SampleEssay#2Scoreof1

Yes,obstaclesanddisadvantagescanbeturnedintosomethinggoodbecauseyouwillknowhowto
overcomeobstaclesanddisadvantagesinthefuture.Youcanhelpotherpeoplewithobstaclesand
disadvantagesbecauseyouhavebeeninthesituation,thatneedshelp.Youalsocanlearnfromthem
itcanalsohelpyouinlifeandwithyoursucess.

_________________

Annotations_________________

Thisessayattemptstopresentapointofview(Yes,obstaclesanddisadvantagescanbeturnedinto
somethinggood)butfailstodevelopanyofitsideas.Theabsenceofsupportresultsinadisjointed
essaythatdemonstratesnocomplexityofthought(Youcanhelpotherpeoplewithobstaclesand
disadvantagesbecauseyouhavebeeninthesituation,thatneedshelp).Theresponsealsocontains
fundamentalerrorsinsentencestructure(Youalsocanlearnfromthemitcanalsohelpyouinlife).
Theresponsedemonstratesnomasteryandearnsascoreof1.

2008 The College Board. All rights reserved.

SCORE of 2
Description of Score of 2
A response in this category demonstrates very little mastery of on-demand essay writing; the response
is flawed by many or most of the following weaknesses:

Presents a vague or limited point of view on the issue

Demonstrates little awareness of audience
Presents an unclear main idea
Demonstrates weak critical thinking with little complexity of thought or with flawed reasoning
Organizes ideas ineffectively, demonstrating a problematic progression of ideas
Displays numerous errors in word choice, usage and sentence structure
Contains significant spelling, grammar, punctuation and mechanical errors

Shown below are sample essays that received a score of 2. The annotations explain why the essay
received the indicated score.

SampleEssay#1Scoreof2

Iliveinahousethateverybodyinitcamefromacting.Iremembermymomtellingmethisityouin
findyourselfbadsituation,dontforgetyoursmilewithyou.Ithinkshementthatwhateveristhe
difficultythinkalwayspositive.Foranexample,Igrowupinplacethatfullwithbadpoepleandone
timesomebodytrytoconvinsemetosmoke.Andsmokingitverybadthing.SoIstartedtotell
joukesonpeoplethatcanserandafter2minutesIchangethesubject.OrthateverytimeIamgetting
sickandfillnotsogood.IamtryingtoseecomedymoviesasmuchasIcan.BecauseIhavebeentold
thatcomedyisthebestcure.Ithinkthatasanactoronthestageyouneedtobealwaysreadyfor
somethingrong,andifyoureadyandprepard.Itwillbegoodandlifeforyourselfinyoualllifeand
notonlythere.Thisexperienceimportentforyourbenfits,alwaysapositivepersonandpeoplewill
loveyouandgetalongwithyou.Thismarkitthebest.

_________________

Annotations_________________

Thisessaypresentsanextremelyvaguepointofviewontheissue.Thewriterdiscussesthevalueof
thinkingalwayspositive,buttheideasprovidedareunclear,demonstratingweakcriticalthinking
(Foranexample...onetimesomebodytrytoconvinsemetosmoke.Andsmokingitverybadthing.
SoIstartedtotelljoukesonpeoplethatcanserandafter2minutesIchangethesubject).The
responsecontainsnumerousandsignificanterrorsinspelling,grammar,punctuationandmechanics
(...youneedtobealwaysreadyforsomethingrong,andifyoureadyandprepard.Itwillbegood
andlifeforyourselfinyoualllifeandnotonlythere).Demonstratingverylittlemastery,thisessay
receivesascoreof2.

2008 The College Board. All rights reserved.

SampleEssay#2Scoreof2

Thissentencisverygoodandrightbecauseyoumustbelivethethaveagoodandpositive,something
alsoinabedsituation.Iyouthinkso,yousucceedinyourlife.alsoinabadsituation,youmustthink
agoodandbeagood.

Ihave3,examplesfrommylife:

1IbasketballplayerIhavealotofgamesandtughgames.Iwantagreatplayer.Iamalawaysthink
goodbeforeverygameandalsobeforeverypractice.thisthinkinghelpmetosecceed.IfIlosea
gameIdontcryItrytotakethegoodthingsfromthebadgame,thisisnothelpmeifIcryallthe
time.

2.Ihadaimportanttextbefor3yearsIrememberthistextallthetime,beacusethatIgotahigh
score,becauseIlearnedalotbeforethistext,thistextallthetimeinmymemorybecausetheway
wasverydifficulte,Ithoughtgoodbeforthetext,andIseccededIallthetimethoughtgoodand
positive.

3.Ididntseccededinthefirst,textdriving.Ididntcry,Itriedtolearnfrommymistakes.Inthe
secondtextdrivingIseccededbeacuseIthoughtpositiveandIsaidtomyselfthatIgooddriverandI
willsecceed.

FromthisexamplsIcantolearnthatIyouthinkgoodandpositiveyousecceedallthetime.Alsoif
youmistakeordontsecceedyoumusttotakethegoodandthepositivefromyourmistakes.Icanto
saytotheendthatifyouthoughtgoodandpositiveandyoulearntotakeallthepositivethings.you
beenjoyandyouwillbefunandyousucceed,allthetime,youneedtolearnfromthemistakes.

Tharearnetperfectpeople!

Bieliveyourself!

_________________

Annotations_________________

Thisessaypresentsapointofview(...youmusttotakethegoodandthepositivefromyour
mistakes)butisunabletodevelopitsideasclearly.Althoughthereisanattempttoorganizethe
responsearoundthreeexamples,errorsinwordchoice,usage,sentencestructure,spelling,grammar
andpunctuationaresonumerousandsignificantthatmeaningisobscured(Ihadaimportanttext
befor3years...becauseIlearnedalotbeforethistext,thistextallthetimeinmymemory...andI
seccededIallthetimethoughtgoodandpositive).Theresponsedemonstratesverylittlemasteryand
earnsascoreof2.

2008 The College Board. All rights reserved.

SCORE of 3
Description of Score of 3
A response in this category demonstrates little mastery of on-demand essay writing; the response is
flawed by one or more of the following weaknesses:

Presents a vague or limited point of view on the issue

Demonstrates little awareness of audience
Attempts to develop the main idea though that attempt is inadequate
Demonstrates weak critical thinking with little complexity of thought or with flawed reasoning
Provides inappropriate or insufficient examples, reasons, or other evidence to support its
position
Is poorly organized and/or focused or demonstrates serious problems with coherence or
progression of ideas
Displays limited word choice and little sentence variety
Contains many errors in mechanical conventions of usage, sentence structure, grammar,
spelling and punctuation

Shown below are sample essays that received a score of 3. The annotations explain why the essay
received the indicated score.

SampleEssay#1Scoreof3

Idobelievethatanyobstacleordisadvantagecanbeturnedintosomethinggood.Ibelievethis
becausepeoplelearnmanythingsfromtheirmistakesandthatstheonlyway.Intheexamplethatis
provided,theactorisobviouslyconfused.Thedirectormakesagoodpointonhowtoworkaroundit,
andinacasewheretheymakeuseofthechairthatsintheway,whichhelpsmakeitfunny,exciting,
ordepressing.Inaplayormusicalofanytype,itaddsmeaning.Notonlydoesanobstacleor
disadvantagegetturnedintosomethinggood,butitcandiscovernewthings.Wheneveranysituation
happens,suchasinthiscase,Idlaughifitsfunny,cryifitsdramatic,makeajokeoutofit,oractlike
itdidnthappen.Justkeepinmindthatthepurposeoflifeistolearnfrommistakes,whichcanturn
intosomethinggood.

_________________

Annotations_________________

Demonstratingweakcriticalthinking,thisessaystatesapointofview(Idobelievethatanyobstacle
ordisadvantagecanbeturnedintosomethinggood)butofferslittlesupportbeyondaninsufficient
discussionoftheactingexamplegiveninthepassage.Despitesomeattempttodevelopthemain
idea,poororganizationleadstoseriousproblemsinprogressionofideas(Wheneveranysituation
happens,suchasinthiscase,Idlaughifitsfunny,cryifitsdramatic,makeajokeoutofit,oractlike
itdidnthappen.Justkeepinmindthatthepurposeoflifeistolearnfrommistakes,whichcanturn
intosomethinggood).Theresponsecontainsmanyerrorsinusageandsentencestructure.Thisessay
demonstrateslittlemasteryandreceivesascoreof3.

2008 The College Board. All rights reserved.

SampleEssay#2Scoreof3

Cananydisadvantageturnintosomethinggood?Everypersonanswersthisquestiondifferently,and
thatishiswaytolive.Someareoptimistic,somearepasimistic,eitherway,thewayweanswerthis
questionis,inaway,ourwayoflife.

Somepeoplecanlookonsomethingthattomeitiswonderfulandfinditterrible,andothercan
chearmeupwhensomethingsadhappens,andshowmeanicerandchearfulwayoflookingonit.

Agoodexampleiswhathappendtoday,thismorning.Icametotakethistestfrommyhomewhichis
afewdrivefromthetestcenterfordifferentreasonsIcameinlateinabouttenminutes,butinstead
ofbeingstressedbecauseofit,Iwas(andstillam)quitecalm,andactuallyinveryhappyandsatisfied
withmyapproachtothisincomparetomyfatherwhotookitveryhard.

Ibelievethattheabilitytolookonthebrightside,inbothbetterandworsecases,isarecipiefora
betterandcalmerlife.

_________________

Annotations_________________

ThisessayanswersthequestionCananydisadvantageturnintosomethinggood?withavague
discussionofoptimisticandpessimisticapproaches,demonstratingweakcriticalthinking.Despite
providingonlylimitedassertionsandaninsufficientexample,thewriterisabletoarriveatapointof
view,concludingthattheabilitytolookonthebrightside...isarecipieforabetterandcalmerlife.
However,flawedreasoningseriouslyimpedesprogressionofideas(Somepeoplecanlookon
somethingthattomeitiswonderfulandfinditterrible,andothercanchearmeupwhensomething
sadhappens....Agoodexampleiswhathappendtoday....Icameinlateinabouttenminutes,but
insteadofbeingstressedbecauseofit,Iwas(andstillam)quitecalm).Vocabularyislimitedand
manyerrorsinwordchoice,usage,andsentencestructureoccur.Demonstratinglittlemastery,this
essayearnsascoreof3.

2008 The College Board. All rights reserved.

SCORE of 4
Description of Score of 4
An essay in this category demonstrates developing mastery of on-demand essay writing. A typical
essay

Develops a viable point of view on the issue

May stray from audience and purpose
Demonstrates some critical thinking but may do so inconsistently or use inadequate examples,
reasons, or other evidence to support its position
May lack control of organization or focus, demonstrating some lapses in coherence or
progression of ideas
Contains some errors in sentence structure and use of grammatical conventions such as word
choice, usage, spelling and punctuation

Shown below are sample essays that received a score of 4. The annotations explain why the essay
received the indicated score.

SampleEssay#1Scoreof4

Ithinkthatmostoflifesobstaclesordisadvantagescanbeturnedintosomethinggood.Thewayyou
lookatsituationsdeterminestheoutcomeofasituationbecauseifyoulookatthesituation
negativelyyoudonthaveanyhopethattheoutcomewouldbepositive;butifyoulookatthe
situationpositivelyyouwouldhaveabetterchanceatbeingsuccessfulatwhatyoudo.Thewriterin
thepassagesawthechairinhiswayasanobstructiontohisperformancebuttheproducerhada
broaderperspectivesayingthathecouldusethechairaccordingtowhatthegenreoftheplaywas.
Forbadthingstoworkoutweneedtostopbeingsonarrowmindedandbroadenourperspectiveon
life.Ifyoucommittedacrimeandgotcaughtdontjustconcentrateonthebadthathappenedin
yourlife,usethatexperiencetosharewithothersshowingthemthehardshipthatgoeswiththat
typeoflifestylediscouragingthemnottodoit.Theoutcomeofasituationisdeterminedbyhowyou
lookatit.

_________________

Annotations_________________

Thisessaydevelopsthepointofviewthatmostoflifesobstaclesordisadvantagescanbeturned
intosomethinggood,demonstratingsomecriticalthinkingasitexplainsthevalueofpositive
thinking.However,theevidenceprovidedonesentenceonthechairexampleandonesentence
aboutbreakingthelawisinadequatelydevelopedtosupporttheposition(Forbadthingstowork
outweneedtostopbeingsonarrowmindedandbroadenourperspectiveonlife.Ifyoucommitteda
crimeandgotcaughtdontjustconcentrateonthebadthathappenedinyourlife).Theresponse
lacksfocusandcontainssomeerrorsingrammarandsentencestructure(usethatexperienceto
sharewithothersshowingthemthehardshipthatgoeswiththattypeoflifestylediscouragingthem
nottodoit).Thisessaydemonstratesdevelopingmasteryandmeritsascoreof4.

2008 The College Board. All rights reserved.

SampleEssay#2Scoreof4

Therearemanythingsinlifethatmayseemtohaveadifficultordepressingoutlookbutifyoutry
someofthosethingscanbeturnedintosomethingoutstanding.Forexampletheremaybecertain
peopleyoumayrunintoonadaytodaybasisthatmayseemtocarrythemselvesinabadwaybut
youhavetotrytogettoknowthembecauseyouneverknowthatcanturnouttobeoneofthebest
peopleintheworld.

Manypeopleinoursocietylookatthingssuchasdrivingacar,tobeaveryhardobstaclebecause
theyfeelthatitssomethingthatishardtodo,butuntiltheytrytheywillneverknow.Ifwedlearnto
lookatthebrightsideofthingsinsteadofthenegativethenmanythingsthatwefaceinourlife
wouldturnoutforthebetter.Whenyouthinkyoumayhavedownallthatisinyourpowertodoto
trytogetthegoodoutofsomething,believemethereisalwayssomeonewhowillbeabletohelp
you.Iknowthattherearethingsthatmayseemtoohardordifficultbutifyouputyourmindtoit
everythingwillcomeoutforthebetter.IknowtherehavebeensometimesinmylifewhenIhave
beeninsomedifficultsituationssuchasthetimeIlostmoneyoutofmywalletandIdidntknow
whatIwasgoingtodo.ButIstoppedworryingaboutitanditwasntlongbeforeIhadmymoney
back.Wheneveryoucomeuponsomethinginyourlifethatyoumaythinkthatthereisnowayof
accomplishing

_________________

Annotations_________________

Demonstratingsomecriticalthinking,thisessaydevelopsapointofview(Ifwedlearntolookatthe
brightsideofthingsinsteadofthenegativethenmanythingsthatwefaceinourlifewouldturnout
forthebetter)butprovidesreasonsandexamplesthatareinadequatetosupporttheposition.Lapses
inprogressionofideasoccurduetobriefsupportandrepetitivegeneralities(...believemethereis
alwayssomeonewhowillbeabletohelpyou....Ilostmoneyoutofmywallet....ButIstopped
worryingaboutitanditwasntlongbeforeIhadmymoneyback).Someerrorsinwordchoiceand
sentencestructurearepresent(Forexampletheremaybecertainpeopleyoumayruninto...thatcan
turnouttobeoneofthebestpeopleintheworld).Displayingdevelopingmastery,thisessayreceives
ascoreof4.

2008 The College Board. All rights reserved.

10

SCORE of 5
Description of Score of 5
An essay in this category demonstrates adequate mastery of on-demand essay writing although it will
have lapses in quality. A typical essay

Develops a viable point of view on the issue

May stray from the audience and purpose but is able to refocus
Demonstrates competent critical thinking, using adequate examples, reasons, and other
evidence to support its position
Is generally organized and focused but could lack coherence and logical progression of ideas
Exhibits adequate but inconsistent control of language
Demonstrates some variety in sentence structure
Contains some minor errors in sentence structure, grammar, spelling and punctuation

Shown below are sample essays that received a score of 5. The annotations explain why the essay
received the indicated score.

SampleEssay#1Scoreof5

Inmylifetime,Ihaveseenmanywaysanobstacleordisadvantagecanbeturnedintoagoodthing.
Sometimeswhensomethingbadhappens,itcanprepareyouforthefutureobstaclestocome.For
example,ifapersongetsaseriousburntheywouldpanicandnotknowwhattodo.Ifthesamething
happendagain,thepersonwouldbemorepreparedandhaveknowledgefromtheprevious
experience.

Ifsomeoneisoncrutches,abouttoopenthedoor,wouldyouopenthedoorforthem?Ifyouarethe
persononcrutchesyouwouldbeatadisadvantagetoothers.Butthiscanbeturnedintoagood
thing.Younowhavesomeonetoopenthedoorforyou,andthisisagoodwaytomeetpeopleand
makefriends.

Sometimeswhenthingsarentgoingyourway,youhavetoimprovisealittle.Forexample,beforea
basketballgameyouseethattheotherteamismuchtallerthanyourteam.Thecoachmighthave
onlymadeupplaysforashortteam.Theotherteamistall,butslow.Youuseyourspeedtowinthe
game.Intheblinkofaneye,youvechangedadisadvantageintoagoodthing.

Thebestcomediansalwaysturnanobstacleordisadvantageintoagoodthing.Iftheaudienceisnot
laughingathisperformance,thenhehastochangewhathesdoing.Thisobstacleabouttheaudience
notlaughinghecouldmakeajokeabout,thenmakingtheobstacleintoagoodthing.

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2008 The College Board. All rights reserved.

11

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_________________

Annotations_________________

Thisessaydemonstratescompetentcriticalthinking,providingadequatereasonsandexamplesto
supporttheclaimthatanobstacleordisadvantagecanbeturnedintoagoodthing.Althoughthe
responseoffersavarietyofadequatesupportingexamples,itdemonstratesanoccasionallackof
progressionofideasasitjumpsfromoneideatothenext(...ifapersongetsaseriousburn....If
someoneisoncrutches....Thebestcomediansalwaysturnanobstacleordisadvantageintoagood
thing).Theessaydemonstratesadequatebutinconsistentcontroloflanguageandfeaturessome
minorerrors(Iftheaudianceisnotlaughing....Thisobstacleabouttheaudiencenotlaughinghe
couldmakeajokeabout,thenmakingtheobstacleintoagoodthing).Demonstratingadequate
mastery,thisessayreceivesascoreof5.

SampleEssay#2Scoreof5

Lifeconstantlyharrassesmodernsocietywithavarietyofproblemsandobstacles.But,negatives
nevercomeoutwithoutitspositives.EventssuchastheCivilWarandmessagesthatstemfrom
RomeoandJulietstragicendingincludesomethinggoodeventhoughtheyshowobstaclesoflife.
Therefore,societycangaingoodthingsthroughbadthings.

TheCivilWarbrokeoutin1861andleftaterribletearonAmericanculture.Evenafterhorrible
battleslikeinGettysburg,Americanscouldstillcometogetherinthelate1800stoformamore
unifiedsociety.EvenafterslaughteringsofAmericanbrothersbetweentheNorthandSouth,our
countrystillhadtheabilitytotransformitselftowhatitistoday.

Moreover,RomeoandJulietalsoactsasanexcellentexampleofhowdisadvantagesproves
somethinggoodintheend.Shakespearedecidedtoendboththemaincharacterslivesattheendof
theplaybutbydoingso,hesendsthegoodmessageoflove.Loveisthemostbeautifulthinginthe
world.Loveconnectssociety/peopletogetherbyacknowledgingthatthroughdeathpeoplecancome
together(theCapuletsandMontagues)thatisoneofthemostbeautifulthingsever.Lifewill
constantlybefilledwithproblemsbuttheycanleadtogood.

_________________

Annotations_________________

Demonstratingcompetentcriticalthinking,thisessaydevelopsitspointofview(...societycangain
goodthingsthroughbadthings)withadequateexamplesfromhistoryandliterature.Theevidence
providedisgenerallyorganizedandfocused,withonlyanoccasionallackofcoherence(Romeoand
Julietalsoactsasanexcellentexample....Shakespearedecidedtoendboththemaincharacters
livesattheendoftheplaybutbydoingso,hesendsthegoodmessageoflove.Loveisthemost
beautifulthingintheworld).Theessayexhibitsadequatebutinconsistentcontroloflanguage(Life
constantlyharassesmodernsocietywithavarietyofproblemsandobstacles.But,negativesnever
comeoutwithoutitspositives).Thisessayexhibitsadequatemasteryandearnsascoreof5.

2008 The College Board. All rights reserved.

12

SCORE of 6
Description of Score of 6
An essay in this category demonstrates reasonably consistent mastery of on-demand essay writing
although it may have occasional lapses in quality. A typical essay

Effectively develops a point of view on the issue

Addresses an appropriate audience and demonstrates a clear purpose for writing
Demonstrates strong critical thinking, generally using appropriate examples, reasons, and other
evidence to support its position
Is well organized and focused, demonstrating coherence and a logical progression of ideas
Exhibits consistent control in the use of language
Demonstrates adequate variety in sentence structure
Is generally free of errors in sentence structure, grammar, usage, spelling and punctuation

Shown below are sample essays that received a score of 6. The annotations explain why the essay
received the indicated score.

SampleEssay#1Scoreof6

Obstaclesanddisadvantagesareinourliveseverysecondoftheday.Whetheritisabigtestinschool
inanimportantsubjectoratrafficejamkeepingusfromgettingtoworkontime,wecanalways
countonsomethinggoingawry.However,eventhebiggestobstaclescanbeturnedintosomething
goodifenoughworkisputintoit.

Smallobstacles,likethebigtestinschool,canbeovercomewithhardworkanddetermination.Ifyou
spendenoughtimestudyingbeforehand,anddoingpracticequestionstobuildyourconfidence,
chancesareyouwilldoverywell.Ontheotherhand,ifyouprocrastinateanddonotprepareforthe
testuntilthenightbeforeit,chancesareyouwilldopoorly.

Largeobstaclescanbeovercomewithhardworkanddeterminationaswell,butdependingonthe
sizeoftheobstalce,carefullyplanning,organization,andcoordinationareneededaswell.For
example,inWorldWarIItheAlliedpowerswerefightingtheAxispowersinbattleafterbattle.The
AlliesneededtogetintoWesternEuropethroughFranceandthroughaheavilyfortifiedenemy.With
carefulplanning,organization,andcoordination,theylaunchedthelargestamphibiousinvasionin
historyandtookthebeachesofNormandyinwhatwouldbecalledDday,andliberateFrancesoon
thereafter.

Inconclusion,anyobstaclecanbeovercomeintosomethinggood.Testscanbestudiedfor,traffic
jamscanbeovertedbydetours,andwarscanbewonagainstimpossibleodds.Sinceobstacles
confrontuseverydayofourlives,weneedtobeabletoovercomethem.Ifwecouldnot,thenlife
wouldnotbeenjoyable.

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2008 The College Board. All rights reserved.

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Continuedfrompreviouspage

_________________

Annotations_________________

Thisessayeffectivelydevelopsapointofview(...anyobstaclecanbeovercomeintosomething
good)andprovidesgenerallyappropriateexamplesofobstaclesovercomewithhardworkand
determination,demonstratingstrongcriticalthinking.Theresponseiswellorganizedaroundits
examples,exhibitingcoherenceandalogicalprogressionofideas(Smallobstacles,likethebigtestin
school,canbeovercomewithhardworkanddetermination.Ifyouspendenoughtimestudying...
chancesareyouwilldoverywell).Controloflanguageisconsistent,andadequatesentencevarietyis
evidentthroughout(Withcarefulplanning,organization,andcoordination,theylaunchedthelargest
amphibiousinvasioninhistory).Thisessaydisplaysreasonablyconsistentmasteryandreceivesa
scoreof6.

SampleEssay#2Scoreof6

Lifeiswhatyoumakeit.Timeaftertimewearestuckwithdisadvantagesandstruggles,butitishow
wereceiveitthatmakesaworldofadifference.Itispossibletoturnobstaclesintobuildingblocks,to
reachsuccess.

Mymostdifficultschoolyearwasduringthe8thand9thgrade.TheschoolIwasattendingplaced
alotofstressonmethehomeworkwasunbearableandtheteachersseemedtocarenothingforit.
ManytimesasIwentseekinghelpbutwouldreceiveacoldshoulderoraslamintheface.Notonly
that,butIwasnotdoingwellsociallywiththerestofmypeers.Itwasextremelydifficultfindinga
waytofitin.

IcouldhavestayedandwalloedinmymiserybutIdecidedtotaketheinitiativeandtalktomy
parentsaboutthesituation.Togetherwebeganbuildingtheblockstowardsmysuccess.

ThatnextyearIlefttheschoolandwebeganhomeschool.InonetermItaughtmyselfthesubjects
andthispreparedmeforwhatwascomingnext.MyparentswiththedisciplineIneededandI
decideditwastimetomoveon.Itookatesttoenteraveryhighacademicperhapsthehigheston
myIslandschooltoseeifIwouldgetin.Ireachedsomethingbeyondmywildestdreamsandwas
accepted.Notonlythat,butthenextyearIwasappointedheadgirlandamtrainingtoattend
HarvardCollegenextyear.

Mypainfulstrugglethroughmyearlyhighschoolyearsleadmetomaketherightdecisionsfor
whichschoolIshouldattendtomakethebestofmyfuture.Obstaclesareonlyputtomakeus
stronger,hurdlesareplacedsothatwejumphigher.

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2008 The College Board. All rights reserved.

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_________________

Annotations_________________

Thisessaydisplaysstrongcriticalthinking,effectivelydevelopingitspointofview(Itispossibletoturn
obstaclesintobuildingblocks,toreachsuccess)byprovidingagenerallyappropriateexamplefrom
thewriterspersonalexperience.Wellorganizedandfocusedasitdiscusseshowthewriterspainful
struggleultimatelyledtohersuccess,theresponseexhibitscoherenceandalogicalprogressionof
ideas(IcouldhavestayedandwalloedinmymiserybutIdecidedtotaketheinitiativeandtalktomy
parentsaboutthesituation....Ireachedsomethingbeyondmywildestdreamsandwasaccepted).
Controloflanguageisconsistent,andthereisadequatevarietyinsentencestructure(Notonlythat,
butthenextyearIwasappointedheadgirlandamtrainingtoattendHarvardCollegenextyear).
Demonstratingreasonablyconsistentmastery,thisessayearnsascoreof6.

2008 The College Board. All rights reserved.

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SCORE of 7
Description of Score of 7
An essay in this category demonstrates consistent mastery of on-demand essay writing, although it
may have occasional minor errors. A typical essay

Effectively and insightfully develops a point of view on the issue

Addresses an appropriate audience and demonstrates a clear purpose for writing in the thesis
statement
Demonstrates outstanding critical thinking, using appropriate examples, reasons, and other
evidence to support its position
Is well organized and focused, demonstrating clear coherence and smooth progression of ideas
Exhibits appropriate language, using a varied and accurate vocabulary
Demonstrates varied sentence structure
Is practically free of errors in sentence structure, grammar, spelling and punctuation

Shown below are sample essays that received a score of 7. The annotations explain why the essay
received the indicated score.

SampleEssay#1Scoreof7

Ibelievethatanobstacleordisadvantagecanbeturnedintosomethinggood.LanceArmstrong,the
mostsuccessfulcyclistofalltime,hadtoovercomecancerbeforeachievingsuchgreatness.Another
possibleexampleisLouisArmstrong.Louiswasborntoasinglemotherandlivedaroughlife.Hewas
convictedofacrimeandwassenttoprisonwhichiswherehelearnedhowtoplaythetrumpet.

BeforehewasaseventimeTourdeFrancechampion,LanceArmstronghadtoovercomecancer,a
veryextremeobstacletoovercome.Lancewasdiagnosedwithtesticularcancerandbythetimethe
doctorsfoundit,ithadalreadyspreadtohisbrain,lungs,andotherintrinsicorgans.Afternumerous
surgeries,Lancewasgivenafiftypercentchancetolive.Armstrongdidnotgiveup.Aftermonthsof
treatmentandanothersurgery,thedoctorsfoundabsolutelynocancerinhisbody.Withinayear,
Lancewasbackonthebike.HewentontowinsevenTourdeFrancesinarowandheremainsoneof
thegreatestcyclists,ifnotthegreatestcyclistofalltime.

LouisArmstrong,oneofthegreatestJazztrumpetplayersofalltime,alsohadtoovercomedifficult
obstaclesinhislifebeforeachievinggreatness.Louiswasborntoasinglemother.Theywerepoverty
stricken,andwerebasicallystuckwithnothing.AsaboyLouiswasconvictedofacrimeandsentto
prison.Whileservinghistime,Louislearnedhowtoplaythetrumpetfromafellowinmate.Louis
immediatelyfellinlovewithmusic.Heformedajazzgroupwhenhewasreleasedfromprisonand
theystartedplayingatlocalclubsandbars.Ononefatefulday,arecordcompanyrepresentative
heardthegroupandimmediatelywantedtosignthem.IfitwerentforprisonLouismightnothave
everevenpickedupatrumpet.

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Continuedfrompreviouspage

Fromthesetwoexamples,wecanclearlyseethatobstaclesordisadvantagescanbecomesomething
good.BothLouisandLanceovercameextremelydifficultobstaclesandbecamesomeofthebest
thereeverwas.Theyknewthatanythingwaspossibleandwerenotdiscouragedbyhardships.

_________________

Annotations_________________

Thisessaydemonstratesoutstandingcriticalthinking,effectivelyandinsightfullydevelopingthepoint
ofviewthatanobstacleordisadvantagecanbeturnedintosomethinggoodwithtwoappropriate
supportingexamples.Wellorganizedandfocused,theessaydisplaysclearcoherenceandasmooth
progressionofideasasitexplainshowtheArmstrongs,LanceandLouis,overcameextremely
difficultobstaclesandbecamesomeofthebestthereeverwas(Louiswasborntoasinglemother.
Theywerepovertystricken....Heformedajazzgroupwhenhewasreleasedfromprison....On
onefatefulday,arecordcompanyrepresentativeheardthegroupandimmediatelywantedtosign
them).Theessaydisplaysappropriatelanguage,usingavariedandaccuratevocabulary,andvaried
sentencestructureappearsthroughout(Withinayear,Lancewasbackonthebike.Hewentontowin
sevenTourdeFrancesinarowandheremainsoneofthegreatestcyclists,ifnotthegreatestcyclist
ofalltime).Demonstratingconsistentmastery,thisresponsemeritsascoreof7.

SampleEssay#2Scoreof7

Itistruethatanyobstacleordisadvantagecanbeturnedintosomethingpositive.Inanegative
situationthereisalwaysalessonthatislearned,oragoalthatisachieved.Thisideaissupportedby
aspectsofADollsHouseandtheroadtotheRevolutionaryWar.

ADollsHouse,aplaybyHeinrickIbsen,provesthatanunfortunatesituationcanhaveafortunate
outcome.TheplaytellsthestoryofNoraHolmesandherquestforpersonalindependence.Noras
situationatthebeginingoftheplayseemedpromising.NorawasmarriedtoTorvald,hadtwo
children,andhadastablefinancialsituation.Howeverbeneaththefacade,Noraslifewasnot
satisfactortoher.TorvardtreatedNoraasachildanddidnotrespectheropinionsasanadult.Aftera
particularlyharshincidentinwhichTorvardthreatenedherpositioninthefamily,Noraknewthatshe
hadtoleavepermanently.Sheeitherhadtocontinuetoendurethepainandemotionaldistress
causedbyherhusband,orlearnfromthisobstacleanduseittoachievehergoal.WhenNorafinally
left,shewalkedintohernewlifeasanindependentwoman.

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Continuedfrompreviouspage

TheeventsthatunfoldedonthepathtotheRevolutionaryWar,supportthethoughtmentioned
above.Atthestartoftheprocess,thecolonieswereagroupofseperateentitiesundertheruleof
Britain.EachcolonyledanindividualexistenceandgrewandprosperedunderBritishrule.However,
afteranumberofhappyyears,theBritishdecidedtotightenitsholdonthecolonies.Theylimited
thefreedomsofthecolonistswithactssuchastheSugarAct,StampAct,andTownsherActs.The
colonistswereoutragedatthissuddenremovaloffreedomswhichtheyfeltwererightfullytheirs.To
overcomethisobstacle,thecolonistsknewtheywouldhavetojointogetheranduniteagainstthe
commonenemy.WhenthecoloniesDeclaredIndependance,theywerenolongeragroupofseparate
entities,butoneUnitedwholethatwentontobecomeoneoftheStrongestNations.

Anyobstacleorchallengecanbelookedatfromapositiveangle.Theexamplesmentionedabove
provethatthereisalwayssomethingpositivethatcanresultfromanegativesituation.Weshould
lookatchallengesnotasunfortunateexperiences,butaschancestoimproveourselvesandourlives.

_________________

Annotations_________________

Demonstratingoutstandingcriticalthinking,thisessayeffectivelyandinsightfullydevelopsitspointof
view(Itistruethatanyobstacleordisadvantagecanbeturnedintosomethingpositive)byproviding
appropriateexamplesfromliteratureandhistoryassupport.Theresponseiswellorganizedand
focused,displayingclearcoherenceandasmoothprogressionofideas(ADollsHouse....tellsthe
storyofNoraHolmesandherquestforpersonalindependence....Sheeitherhadtocontinueto
endurethepainandemotionaldistresscausedbyherhusband,orlearnfromthisobstacleanduseit
toachievehergoal).Practicallyfreeoferrors,theessayshowsappropriateuseoflanguageand
varietyinsentencestructure(Weshouldlookatchallengesnotasunfortunateexperiences,butas
chancestoimproveourselvesandourlives).Thisessayexhibitsconsistentmasteryandreceivesa
scoreof7.

2008 The College Board. All rights reserved.

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SCORE of 8
Description of Score of 8
An essay in this category demonstrates clear and consistent mastery of on-demand essay writing with
a few minor errors. A typical essay

Effectively and insightfully develops a point of view on the issue

Addresses an appropriate audience and demonstrates a clear purpose for writing in the thesis
statement
Demonstrates outstanding critical thinking, using effective examples, reasons, and other
evidence to support its position
Is well organized and clearly focused, demonstrating clear coherence and smooth progression
of ideas
Exhibits skillful use of language, using a varied, accurate, and apt vocabulary
Demonstrates varied and effective sentence structure
Is free of major errors in grammar, spelling and punctuation

Shown below are sample essays that received a score of 8. The annotations explain why the essay
received the indicated score.

SampleEssay#1Scoreof8

Anobstacleordisadvantagemayappeartobeasetback,thougheitherhastheabilitytobeturned
intosomethinggood.Forinstance,RosaParksparticipatedintheCivilRightsMovementinthe1950s
and60sandwasjailedforherinvolvement.Thoughherjailtimewasinitiallyasetbackandan
obstacleshehadtoovercome,iteventuallyledtotheMontgomeryBusBoycottandthegradual
desegregationoftheUnitedStates.Similarly,theDeanofStudentsatmyschoolhastoovercomethe
obstacleofparaplegiaeachday,yethedescribeshimselfasastrongerandmoresensitiveindividual
asaresult.RosaParksandmyDeanareclearexamplesofobstaclesbeingturnedintosomething
good.

InMontgomery,AlabamaduringtheCivilRightsMovement,AfricanAmericanswererequiredtositin
thebackofpublicbuses.OnedayRosaParksrefusedtositinthebackofthebusandwassenttojail
forheractsofcivildisobedience.ThisactionresonatedwithAfricanAmericansnationwidebut
particularlyinMontgomery.TheAfricanAmericanpeoplestagedaboycottandcontributedtothe
desegregationwhichwasagoaloftheirmovement.RosaParksservedasasymbolofwhatwas
possibleifonewouldsimplytakeastandandturntheirsituationfromunjustanddegradingtoone
thatmadeaprofounddifferenceintodayssociety.

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Continuedfrompreviouspage

TheDeanofStudentatmyschool,wasanEnglishteacher,atrackcoach,andtheDeanofStudents
beforetheroofofhisbarncollapsedonhimafewyearsago.Hehadalwaysbeenastrongmanwho
genuinelycaredforhisstudents.Whorespectedandlovedhim.Afterhisaccident,helosttheuseof
hislegsandfeetandhislifedrasticallychanged.Hehadbecomeunabletocareforhimselfandlost
greatamountsofselfesteem.Heultimatelydecidedhehadtogethislifebacksohelearnedhowto
liveindependentlythroughphysicaltrainingcourses,helearnedtodriveacar,andhereturnedto
school.Hisexperiencewhichcouldhavedestroyedhimandthegoalshehadactuallyallowedforhim
tobuildstrengthheneverknewhehad.Throughhisactionshemadeaseveredisadvantageintoa
verypositivelifechange.

Throughtheirvaryingexperiences,RosaParksandmydeandemonstratethatanyobstacleor
disadvantagecanbeturnedintosomethinggood.

_________________

Annotations_________________

Thisessaydemonstratesoutstandingcriticalthinkingasitinsightfullydevelopsapointofview(An
obstacleordisadvantagemayappeartobeasetback,thougheitherhastheabilitytobeturnedinto
somethinggood),supportingitwitheffective,fullydevelopedexamples.Wellorganizedandfocused
asitshowshowpeoplesactionscanmakeaseveredisadvantageintoaverypositivelifechange,
theresponseexhibitsclearcoherenceandsmoothprogressionofideas(Afterhisaccident,helostthe
useofhislegsandfeetandhislifedrasticallychanged....Hisexperiencewhichcouldhavedestroyed
himandthegoalshehadactuallyallowedforhimtobuildstrengthheneverknewhehad).Theessay
exhibitsaskillfuluseoflanguage,usingavaried,accurate,andaptvocabulary(Thisactionresonated
withAfricanAmericansnationwide),andavariedsentencestructureappearsthroughout.Displaying
clearandconsistentmastery,thisessayearnsascoreof8.

SampleEssay#2Scoreof8

Intimesofdesperation,itisoftendifficulttoseethepositivesinasituation.Moreoftenthannot,our
survivalinstinctdemandsthatweobliterateanyobstaclesinourpath,withoutheedingthepotential
consequences.However,Ibelieve,usingEmilyBrontesWutheringHeightsandearlyAmerican
history,thatitisindeedpossibletousetheseapparentdisadvantagesasameanstoimprove
yourself.

TheheroofWutheringHeights,Heathcliff,wasbyanyaccount,amanofhumbleorigins.Notonly
washeanorphanwithoutalastname,buthewasalsoabusedandtormentedbyotherchildrensuch
asHindleyofhisnewhousehold.Constantlyfrustratedateveryturninlife,Heathcliffasaboycould
notmarryCatherinewhohelovedpartiallybecauseofhislowlysocialstatus.AfterCatherineleftto
marryhernewhusband,Heathcliffundertookajourney,inwhichheamassesagooddealofmoney
andseeminglyelevateshisplaceinsociety.

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Continuedfrompreviouspage

Althoughthesechangesaresuperficial,Heathcliff,usedtheadversityfacinghimasaboyas
motivationtoimprovehimself,tomarryCatherine;thushisearlyobstacleswereturnedinto
somethinggood(atleastforhim).FromEmilyBrontesWutheringHeights,itisevidentthatobstacles
canbetransformedintomotivation,averypositiveemotion.

Inthe1770s,AmericawasundertheruleofatyrantinEngland.Legislation,suchasthosethatwere
calledtheIntolerableActsthatforbidsuchpracticesasformingamilitiainMassachusetts,andthe
infamousStampAct,whichwasessentiallyataxforcedonAmericanstogainrevenueforthe
BritishEmpire,werepassedcontinuouslyagainstGreatBritainscoloniesinAmerica.TheQuartering
ActforcedAmericanstoallowBritishsoldierstoliveintheirhomes,whichresultedinmanyfightsand
thesituationwasnotgood.However,theearlyAmericanpoliticalleadersusedthesediretimesto
rallytheAmericanpeople.Thecountry,incensedbyBritishpractices,joinedthoserebelliousleaders,
suchasPatrickHenry,GeorgeWashington,andJohnAdams,tofightintheRevolutionaryWaragainst
acorruptmonarchy.IftheAmericanpeoplehadnotsufferedthroughtheseindignitiesleadingupto
theRevolutionaryWar,theUnitedStatesofAmericaprobablywouldnotexisttoday.

Clearly,whenoneisfacedbyobstaclesateveryturn,itisextremelydifficulttotrytotwistnegative
experiencesintopositiveones.However,ifonetakesthemodelshownbyHeathcliffofWuthering
HeightsandAmericasearlypoliticalleaders,onecanusethesebadexperiencestototallychange
oneslifeforthebetter.

_________________

Annotations_________________

Demonstratingoutstandingcriticalthinking,thisessayeffectivelyandinsightfullydevelopsitspointof
view(...itisindeedpossibletousetheseapparentdisadvantagesasameanstoimproveyourself).
UsingtheeffectiveexamplesofHeathcliffinWutheringHeightsandAmericainthepreRevolutionary
Wareratoillustratehowobstaclescanbetransformedintomotivation,thewellorganizedand
focusedresponsedisplaysclearcoherenceandsmoothprogressionofideas(Inthe1770s,America
wasundertheruleofatyrantinEngland....However,theearlyAmericanpoliticalleadersused
thesediretimestorallytheAmericanpeople).Theessayfeaturesaskillfuluseoflanguage,displaying
avaried,accurate,andaptvocabulary,anddemonstratesvarietyinsentencestructure(Moreoften
thannot,oursurvivalinstinctdemandsthatweobliterateanyobstaclesinourpath,withoutheeding
thepotentialconsequences).Thisessayexhibitsclearandconsistentmasteryandmeritsascoreof8.

2008 The College Board. All rights reserved.

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