Bean Scale

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The Bean Scale of Self Service Food Provision

The scale was defined by author Erik Ga Bean in 2015, following a suggestion by Kelly La
Porte. The aim was to standardise terminology and so better set the expectations of those
invited to social gatherings.
The fare detailed at every grade is in addition to that included in the grades before it.
Bean
Number
0

Description
Nothing

Meal Eqv
Effect
None

Light Nibbles

Nibbles

Heavy Nibbles

Finger Buffet

Next meal
Snack
Next meal
Snack/meal

Crisps.

It is often socially
acceptable for guests to
order in takeout with Bean
0-3.
Beyond Bean 2 some
guests may think that the
host has "made an effort".
Bean 3 is the last where it
is acceptable to serve in
the original packaging.
Should not contain actual
fingers, chocolate and roll
versions permitted.
From Bean 5 it is
increasingly unacceptable
to go in "hands on" if
serving irons are
provided.
Bean 6 is suitable for a
wedding.

Dips. Pastry.
Confectionary.
Cold processed meats
(party eggs, cocktail
sausages).
Sandwiches

1 meal
Meal

Beware possible urine


traces.

Immediate
Light snack

Buffet

Anatomically identifiable
chicken parts. Sweet
biscuits / slices.

1 meal

Full Buffet

Good Spread

Light Trough

Trough

10

Heavy Trough

1 meals
day
1 meals
day+
1-2 meals
Nightfall
2 meals
Nightfall
2-3 meals
Next day
3-4 meals

11

Farm

12

Zoo

1-2 days
Capacity

2-3 days

Notes

May contain nuts.

Immediate
None

Fare

A range of fresh
vegetation. Actual
cakes.
Hot wet meat dishes,
vegetables, potatoes.
Dessert / fruit.
Sufficient elements to
comprise a wide range
of sit-down meals with
hot and cold desserts.
Multiple hot take-out
dishes. Selection of
desserts.
Items from all available
takeout menus. Many
dessert options, hot and
cold.
Multiple, whole roast
farm animals (cow,
sheep, etc.) served for
free carving.
Multiple, whole roast
zoo animals (camel,
kangaroo, etc.) served
for free carving.

From Bean 7 it is easier


to prepare dinner party
fare.
It would be possible to
live medium-term in a
hotel offering Bean 8-10
twice daily.
Bean 9 can be aromatic.
Ventilation options should
be considered.
Bean 10 can invalidate
some life insurance
policies.
Animals may be served
concentrically - goat
inside pig inside cow, for
example.
The serving of
endangered species is
considered socially
unacceptable.

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