Jenna Sauder

Creative Writing Seminar

April 28th, 2015

Sympathy for the Devil..Continued

Travis stared at me with confusion shaking his head. How are

you going to consider talking to your asshole of an ex boyfriend and
not dad? You need to talk to him eventually Maura.
I stared at Travis as he said these things to me. He had his arms
crossed over his broad chest. Only now was I realizing how much older
he really looked. The veins in his arms were still popping out from a
rough basketball practice. His lips were pressed together and his jaw
was clenched. His left eye twitched as it always had growing up, a sign
that he was about to cry. Suddenly I felt guilty, he should know. Travis
swallowed back tears and took a deep breath.
Hes going to be at my game on Friday and Id like it if
everything could be normal, he uncrossed his arms and walked away
to the other end of the house.
I stood in the kitchen by myself for a while, my phone gripped
tight in my hand still. Fuck it; I wasnt going to talk to anyone on this

thing tonight. My stomach growled as I looked at the fridge, realizing I

had next to nothing to eat today. After a quick scan of the pantry I
grabbed some bread and the jar of Jiffy. I slathered the bread with
peanut butter, and sat down at the kitchen table. I looked down at my
jelly-less peanut butter sandwich. My dad had always made fun of me
for eating it this way, said I was missing the best part. I could picture
him in the chair across from me giving me a hard time while Travis
would just sit and laugh at the two of us. I felt an unwanted sadness
stretch across my body. My lip quivered as I went to take a bite of my
sandwich. I kicked the chair leg under the table of where my dad would
usually sit, damn it dad.
I sat upright in the chair, trying to get the upset feeling that
loomed, out of me, couldnt seem to shake it though, not this time. My
eyes filled up with water as I looked down at my phone that sat beside
me. It was almost as if it was staring back up at me with an evil grin,
reminiscing at the pain it had helped cause, laughing at my sadness.
Its been awhile since Ive let myself think about it, but now I couldnt
stop. The lightning bugs outside, blinking about turned into snowflakes
flurrying to the ground. It was a day in December two years prior.

Ryans little red car slid down the driveway to my house. He

braked soon enough not to run into my moms SUV that had already
been hidden under a blanket of snow. The wheels squeaked as we
came to a jarring stop.
Geeze Ryan, are you sure you just dont want to stay here for
the night? I dont think the snow is supposed to stop any time soon, I
looked at him concerned as I unbuckled my seatbelt.
He adjusted the blue beanie that contrasted with his light brown
hair and shivered as I opened the car door, No babe, I already told
you, I have a ton to do before classes start back up on Monday.
I nodded as I gathered my waitressing apron and my purse from
the heated seat inside the car. Please drive safe, and text me when
you get home! Thanks for the ride Ry!
He waited until I shut the door and blew me a kiss through the
window, I squinted through the snow falling on my face and waved
goodbye. Tiptoeing through the icy patches that filled my driveway, I
held onto the railing of my porch steps and looked back once more,
watching Ryans car slip and slide down the rest of my driveway and
back onto the road. He turned left instead of right, so I imagine hes
taking the main roads to his house, instead of the yet to be cleared
back roads we had just come from. I could see the flickering of the
fireplace from outside the living room window through our sheer
curtains and it welcomed me in from the cold.

I stomped my shoes on the rug at the door getting what was left
of the wet and cold feeling off of my body and tossed my jacket on the
coat hanger to my right. I looked ahead to see my mom sauting up
some sort of vegetable medley at the stove.
Hey mom, smells great in here! I smiled in her direction as she
turned around. She fixed her hair into a blonde messy bun that was
tied up and out of her face.
I wasnt expecting you to be back so early from work! Slow,
because of the weather huh? She wiped her hands on a dishtowel as
the vegetables she was cooking sizzled in the pan behind her.
Really slow, like I only made $25 dollars, slow.
Well, every little bit you save will help when you have to pay off
these college loans youre racking up, she turned back to the stove
but still kept the conversation going. Can you believe that youre
going to be starting your last semester before becoming a senior? Its
so crazy to me.
Looking back at my mom I nodded, but I couldnt believe it.
These past three years seem to have been the fastest years of my life.
I still didnt have an Internship yet and didnt care, because I couldnt
really picture myself doing anything with my major. Talking about
college and my future with jobs definitely wasnt my favorite thing to
do. The best thing that happened to me in college so far was my

boyfriend, Ryan. Right now the only thing I could picture myself doing
was waitressing at Maggies Diner for the rest of forever.
Travis still at school? I asked, changing the subject quickly
Mhm, some friends should be dropping him off soon. Could you
set the table awhile dear? she added more seasoning to the pan.
Making my way over to the drawer where we kept the silverware,
something on the floor caught my eye. At first I thought it was a gold
earring, something of my moms, but then I realized it was my dads
wedding band. It looked like it had been perfectly placed there, even
though I knew it must have been dropped. I picked it up off the wooden
floor and held my hand out towards my mom.
Looks like somebodys husband dropped his nicest accessory, I
laughed showing her the ring in my palm.
Did you find that on the dresser today? she had a concerned
look in her eyes.
I pointed to the spot on the floor I had retrieved the gold band
from, No mom, I found it right there.
She let out a deep sigh and turned off the stove.
Is everything alright? she wouldnt look at me when I asked.
Mom?
Everythings fine Maura, its just usually I find the ring sitting on
the dresser. her voice was firm as she spoke.

I put the ring down on the counter and took four plates out of the
cabinet for dinner. She looked over at me and shook her head, We
only need three plates.
I thought you said Travis was going to be home soon?
He is. Your dad isnt eating dinner with us though. He has
another late night at the office.

The snow was coming down so heavy now that all I could see
was white through the window, no ground, no sky, just one porcelain
sheet. The window almost turned into a mirror because of this and I
focused on the reflection of my mom washing the dishes behind me.
The smell of chicken and seasoned vegetables was fading now as the
strong scent of Dawn dish soap took its place. I turned from the sofa
where I had been sitting to stare at my dads wedding band still on the
counter. I could tell from the conversation we had earlier that it
bothered my mom more than she wanted to let on. She vigorously
scrubbed the final dish and put the back of her hand to her forehead.
I think Im going to go get a shower, so could you or Travis dry
the dishes for me please?
I nodded, knowing Travis wouldnt be of any help as I could hear
the sound of his television blaring loudly from his bedroom. She picked

dads ring up, put it in her pocket and headed to her bedroom. I looked
at the time on the stove clock, 9:45. He should have been home an
hour ago. The sound of the faucet in my moms bathroom, drown out
the sounds of South Park characters in my brothers room as I started
to wipe off the dishes.
My phone started vibrating from the kitchen table. My friend
Lacey was calling.
Hey, whats up girl? I asked as I picked up the phone.
Hey Maur, Are you coming down town tonight?
I was puzzled at her question while looking out the window at the
white abyss outside.
Thats like 30 minutes for me to drive, so with this weather
probably not! I squeezed my phone between my tilted head and
shoulder while I finished drying the last of the dishes.
Ugh, come on! School starts back up soon and then youll never
wanna come out until Spring Break! Why dont you have Ryan just
come and get you, hes already here? Lacey started to shout, as the
music in the bar behind her got louder.
Huh? Ryans at home catching up on school work tonight, he
wouldnt want to go out.
Nice try girl, Ryan just walked in here a couple of minutes ago!
School work my ass! But whatever, have fun being lame tonight, the
phone line went silent.

Did she just say that Ryan was at the bar? Theres no way he
could be though, he didnt want to stay over here tonight, much less
go get drunk without me. Why wouldnt he ask if I wanted to come
along? I looked down at my phone and went to my text messages,
scrolling through the conversation Ryan and I had since he dropped me
off from work earlier today.
Im home babe

Glad ur home
safe, about to
start dinner.
Text you after

Probably will head to

Ok. If I dont answer right
bed early tonite
away its cuz Im workin on
stuff.

All done. Hows

the work
coming along,
love?

It had been just about an hour since I texted Ryan last, he never
answered me and I assumed its because he was sleeping. I didnt want
to call Lacey back after she pretty much hung up the phone on me for

being lame, but I wonder if she really saw Ryan or just said that to
get me down there. I stared down at the text messages glowing from
my screen once more and decided to just call him myself. One ring
later and my call went straight to voicemail:
Hey, youve reached Ryan, I cant get to the phone right now.
Just leave a message and Ill call ya back. A near deafening beep
screamed at my ear as I hung up the call.
My phone vibrated my hand as I looked down reluctantly
assuming Ryans name would appear. I was disappointed as I saw
Laceys name come across my screen. I immediately opened the
message.

Your boy toy is as

lame as you are!!!
He just left with a
six-pack & didnt
even stay!

I sat at the kitchen table for over an hour. Nothing was on the
television, nobody was talking to me, my mom and brother had gone
to bed a while ago, it was just my phone and I. I mustve called Ryan
10 times by now, each time going to voicemail. No texts. Nothing. My
stomach turned with every minute that passed. Something was
extremely wrong. He left with a six-pack? I cant remember the last
time hes even drank during the week. It made me sick, the thought of
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him purposely ignoring me. My eyes felt heavy as I stared down at the
screen, but I knew a sleepless night was in my future. I crossed my
arms and put my head down on the table.
My sleeve was saturated with drool when I suddenly woke up
from a sound on the porch. I sluggishly stood up from the dining chair I
had made my temporary bed and turned on the lights above the
counter. Part of me hoped it might be Ryan, coming over to explain
himself. I checked my phone on to see the time, 3:30 a.m. The sound
of the doorknob turning startled me and I watched the door carefully
until I saw my dads familiar polished shoe step on the carpet. Not
noticing me just yet, he gently shut the door. It was odd watching him
sneak into his own house. His teeth chattered with the cold air behind
him and the smell of cigarette smoke entered the room as he did.
It was so quiet that it felt weird to speak, Dad?
He stumbled while taking off his shoes, surprised at the sound of
my voice, Maura? a yawn came from his mouth, what are you still
doing up?
As his hand moved away from his mouth to cover his yawn I
noticed the absence of his wedding band. My eyes shifted to my
parents bedroom where I imagined my mom cuddled alone in her
white duvet cover. I fell asleep out here, I havent heard from Ryan all
night and was calling him for hours. My eyes got tired of looking at my
phone screen I guess.

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My dad was closer to me now, with the smell of cigarettes

burning my nostrils. He put a hand through his greying hair and shook
his head at me, Dont be worrying about Ryan, he probably just fell
asleep.
At this point in the night I didnt feel like going through the
details of the lie I was told and how my boyfriend was spotted out at
the bar, but I did want to explore the reason for my dad coming in so
late, smelling like a giant ash tray.
So what do they have you doing at the office that would ever
keep you this late?
Uhm, you know, this campaign for the tires is a really big
process, he sighed, nothing we come up with is ever good enough so
we just keep going back to the drawing board with it.
Well you missed a good meal tonight, I think mom was upset
you werent home, his eyes met mine when I mentioned her.
Setting his things on the counter, he looked towards the bedroom
as he yawned once more. I gotta get to bed Maur, Im exhausted. You
should too and if youre going to sleep at the table, at least bring
yourself a pillow, a tired smile crept its way across his lips.
Goodnight dad, I half smiled back as he started towards the
bedroom.
I tiptoed over to the kitchen counter to shut off the lights. I heard
the muffled sound of a phone vibration before I hit the switch. I picked

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up the phone and headed to my bedroom letting the screen illuminate

the way. Practically leaping into my bed, I faced the phone screen
towards me, only to find that it wasnt my phone that I picked up but it
was my dads. There was an unread message in his inbox. I knew I
couldve easily put the phone back out in the kitchen where I found it,
and not look at the message that had just been sent minutes before,
but I couldnt resist. I pressed my index finger on the message button
and let my tired eyes read the text. It was from a number, there was no
name as the contact, but after reading the text I knew this was
someone that my dad definitely knew by name.

My bed feels empty without

you here. Next time tell her
its a business trip.

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