GROUNDHOG DAY

Man: SOMEBODY ASKED ME TODAY

PHIL, IF YOU COULD BE ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD
WHERE WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE?
AND I SAID TO HIM, PROBABLY RIGHT HERE ELKO,
NEVADA OUR NATIONS HIGH AT 79 TODAY.OUT IN
CALIFORNIA
THEYLL HAVE WARM WEATHER TOMORROW GANG WARS
AND OVERPRICED REAL ESTATE.
UP IN THE PACIFIC NORTHWEST
THEYLL HAVE SOME VERY TALL TREES.
Clear across the Rockies and the Great Plains but look out, here
comes trouble.
blowing forcefully
Oh, boy!
A front coming our way.
Thats going to mean to us here
one of these big blue things!
This cold, frigid Arctic air
this big mass coming out of the north.
IT WILL MEET UP WITH THIS MOISTURE FROM THE GULF
GOING TO MIX TOGETHER AT HIGH ALTITUDES

AND CAUSE SOME SNOW.

Going out on a limb now.
Not going to hit us here in Pittsburgh. Going to push off and hit
Altoona. LET STAKE A LOOK AT THE FIVE DAY.NOTHING TO
BE TOO SCARED ABOUT. BUNDLE UP WARM, OF COURSE.
BUT YOU CAN LEAVE YOUR GALOSHES AT HOME. I WONT
BE HERE FOR THE 10:00. TOMORROW IS GROUNDHOG DAY.
IM GOING TO PUNXSUTAWNEY
FOR OUR COUNTRYS
OLDEST GROUNDHOG FESTIVAL .
SO ACCORDING TO THE LEGEND
TOMORROW, FEBRUARY 2
IF THE GROUNDHOG WAKES AND SEES HIS SHADOW
WEVE GOT SIX MORE WEEKS OF WINTER.
[WOMAN] YOU MUST REALLY ENJOY IT. THIS IS YOUR
THIRD YEAR IN A ROW, ISNT IT, PHIL?
[PHIL] FOUR, NAN. FOUR.
[PHIL] THANK, PHIL.
UP NEXT, ENTERTAINEMENT EDITOR DIANE KINGMAN
LOOKS AT SEX AND VIOLENCE IN THE MOVIES.
STAY WITH US.
outro music
Man: WERE CLEAR.

[WOMAN] HAVE FUN IN PUNXSUTAWNEY, PHIL.

[PHIL] FOR YOUR INFORMATION, HAIRDO THERE IS A
MAJOR NETWORK INTERESTED IN ME.
[LARRY] YEAH. THAT WOULD BE THE HOME SHOPPING
NETWORK.
[PHIL] THANKS, LARRY. GO WAIT IN THE VAN, WILL YOU?
[LARRY] THAT WAS NICE, PHIL.
[HENNY] BIG TREES.
[PHIL] STOP, HENNY. CAN YOU HANDLE THE 10:00?
[HENNY] YEAH, YEAH. IF YOU DONT WANT TO RUSH BACK
I CAN DO THE 5:00 TOMORROW.
[PHIL] OH, COME ON. I WANT TO STAY AN ENTRA SECOND
IN PUNXSUTAWNEY?
[HENNY] RITA THINKS IT WOULD BE GREAT TO STAY
AROUND.
GET SOME INCREDIBLE FOOTAGE OF PEOPLE AND THE
FUN.
YOU HAVENT WORKED WITH HER YET, HAVE YOU?
SHES REALLY NICE. I THINK SHES GOING TO BE A REALLY
GOOD PRODUCER. YOU GUYS WILL HAVE FUN.
[PHIL] MMM-MMM. SHES FUN. BUT NOT MY KIND OF FUN.
I WILL BE HERE FOR THE 5:00. RITA.
calypso-pop intro

PREDICTIONS

SHOW A STEADY LOW

YOURE FEELING JUST THE SAME
BUT SEASONS COME AND SEASONS GO
ILL MAKE YOUS SMILE AGAIN
IF YOU DONT BELIEVE ME
TAKE ME BY THE HAND
CANT YOU FEEL YOURE WARMING UP?
YEAH, IM YOUR WEATHERMAN.
[PHIL] CAN YOU KEEP A SECRET, LARRY? IM PROBABLY
LEAVING PBH. SO THIS WILL BE THE LAST TIME WE DO
THE GROUNDHOG TOGETHER .
[LARRY] WHATS WRONG WITH THE GROUNDHOG
FESTIVAL?
WHEN I WORKED IN SAN DIEGO I COVERED THE
SWALLOWS RETURNING TO CAPISTRANO SIX YEARS IN A
ROW.
[PHIL] SOMEDAY, SOMEBODY WILL SEE ME INTERVIEWING
A GROUNDHOG AND THINK I DONT HAVE A FUTURE.
[RITA] I THINK ITS A NICE STORY. HE COMES OUT.
HE LOOKS AROUND. HE WRINKLES UP HIS LITTLE NOSE.
HE SEES HIS SHADOW , HE DOESNT SEE HISSHADOW.
PEOPLE LIKE IT.
[PHIL] YOU ARE NEW, ARENT YOU? YOU KNOW,PEOPLE

LIKE BLOOD SAUSAGE TOO. PEOPLE ARE MORONS.

[RITA] NICE ATTITUDE.
[PHIL] LOOK IN THE MIRROR AND SEE WHAT YOU LOOK
LIKE DOING THAT LITTLE GROUNDHOG THING. FOR ME,
ONCE.
HE COMES OUT. AND THERE HE LOOKS AT HIS LITTLE
SHADOW.
WOULD YOU LIKE SOME BLOOD SAUSAGE? I HAVE SOME
HERE
[RITA] I LIKE BLOOD SAUSAGE.
THEY SAY ITS GONE
THAT DONT MEAN A THING
CAUSE IM THE ONE
THAT MOVES THE SUN
FOR YOU, ILLTURN IT INTO SPRING
SO WHEN YOURE FEELING LONELY, TRY TO UNDERSTAND
BABY,
I CAN WARM YOU UP, CAUSE IM YOUR WEATHERMAN
JUST ASK THE WEATHERMAN
JUST ASK THE WEATHERMAN
CAUSE IM YOUR WEATHERMAN
JUST ASK THE WEATHERMAN
JUST ASK THE WEATHERMAN

sighs
[PHIL] RITA, I CANT STAY HERE.
[LARRY] PRIMA DONNA.
[RITA] CAN IT. WHATS THE MATTER?
[PHIL] I HATE THIS PLACE. I STAYED HERE TWO YEARS
AGO.
ITS A FLEABAG. IM NOT STAYING HERE.
[RITA] YOURE NOT STAYING HERE.
[PHIL] IM NOT?
[RITA] NO. LARRYS DROPPING ME OFF. I BOOKED YOU A
NICE BED AND BREAKFASTON CHERRY STREET.
[PHIL] GREAT. YOU KNOW, I THINK THIS IS ONE OF
THETRAITS OF A REALLY GOOD PRODUCER. KEEP THE
TALENT HAPPY.
[RITA] ANYTHING I CAN DO.
[PHIL] WOULD YOU HELP ME WITH MY PELVIC TILT?
[RITA] WITHIN REASON. WOULD YOU LIKE TO COME TO
DINNER WITH LARRY AND ME?
[PHIL] NO, THANK YOU. I VE SEEN LARRY EAT. YOU GET
YOUR SLEEP. ILL SEE YOU IN THE MORNING.
[RITA] DONT BE LATE.
[LARRY] DID HE ACTUALLY CALL HIMSELF THE TALENT?
[RADIO] Then put your little hand in mine

Cause there aint no hill or mountain we cant climb Babe

I got you, babe
I got you, babe
Deejay#1: Okay, campers, rise and shine!
And dont forget your booties, cause its cold out there! Deejay#2:
Its cold out there every day.
You can expect hazardous travel later today with that blizzard thing.
Oh, that blizzard thing.
Oh, well, heres the report.
The National Weather Service
is calling for a big blizzard thing.
Yes, but theres another reason
why today is especially exciting. Especially cold.
But the big question on everybodys lips
Yeah, their chapped lips.
Right.
Do you think Phil will come out and see his shadow?
Punxsutawney Phil!
Thats right, woodchuck chuckers.
Both: Its Groundhog Day!
Get up and chuck that hog out there!
men snorting like hogs
[MAN] MORNING.

[PHIL] MORNING.
[MAN] YOU OFF TO SEE THE GROUNDHOG?
[PHIL] YES, I AM.
[MAN] YOU THINK IT WILL BE AN EARLY SPRING?
[PHIL] IM PREDICTING MARCH 21.
[MAN] GOOD GUESS. I THINK THAT ACTUALLY IS THE
FIRST DAY OF SPRING.
[MRS.LANCASTER] DID YOU SLEEP WELL, MR.CONNORS?
[PHIL] I SLEPT ALONE, MRS.LANCASTER.
[MRS.LANCASTER] WOULD YOU LIKE SOME COFFEE?
[PHIL] IS THERE ANY POSSIBILITY OF GETTING AN
ESPRESSO OR CAPPUCCINO?
[MRS.LANCASTER] OHI REALLY DONT KNOW, UM
Phil whispering:HOW TO SPELLESPRESSO THIS
LOOKS FINE.
[MRS.LANCASTER] I HOPE YOU ENJOY THE FESTIVITIES.
[PHIL] IM SURE IM GOING TO.
[MRS.LANCASTER] THERES TALK OF A BLIZZARO.
[PHIL] THAT BLIZZARO MIGHT BLOW RIGHT BY US.
ALL OF THIS MOISTURE COMING UP OUT OF THE SOUTH
WILLPROBABLY PUSH ON TO THE EAST OF US CRYSTALIZE,
AND GIVE US SOME SNOW. PROBABLY BE SOME
ACCUMULATION.

BUT HERE IN PUNXSUTAWNEY

OUR HIGH WILL GET UP TO ABOUT 30 TODAY. TEENS
TONIGHT.
CHANCE OF PRECIPITATION ABOUT 20% TODAY. 20%
TOMORROW.
WERE YOU JUST MAKING CHITCHAT?
[MRS.LANCASTER] CHITCHAT.
[PHIL] SEE YOU LATER. GOOD-BYE.
[MRS.LANCASTER] WILL YOU BE CHECKING OUT TODAY,
MR.CONNORS?
[PHIL] CHANCE OF DEPARTURE TODAY, 100%.
[NED] PHIL?
HEY, PHIL?
PHIL?
PHIL CONNORS?
I THOUGHT THAT WAS YOU.
HOW YOU DOING?
[PHIL] THANKS FOR WATCHING.
[NED] DONT TELL ME YOU DONT REMEMBER ME
BECAUSE I SURE AS HECK-FIRE REMEMBER YOU.
[PHIL] NOT A CHANCE.
[NED] NED!
RYERSON!

NEED LENOSE NED. NED THE HEAD.

COME ON, BUDDY. CASE WESTERN HIGH.
I DID THE WHISTLING BELLYBUTTON TRICK AT THE HIGH
SCHOOL TALENT SHOW.
BING! NED RYERSON.
GOT THE SHINGLESS REAL BAD SENIOR YEAR. ALMOST
DIDNT GRADUATE.
BING AGAIN!
I DATED YOUR SISTER MARY PAT
TILL YOU TOLD ME NOT TO ANYMORE.
WELL?
[PHIL] NED RYERSON?
[NED] BING!
[PHIL] BING.
SO DID YOU TURN PRO
WITH THAT BELLYBUTTON THING, NED?
[NED] NO, I SELL INSURANCE.
[PHIL] WHAT A SHOCK.
[NED] DO YOU HAVE LIFE INSURANCE?
CAUSE YOU COULD ALWAYS USE MORE.
AM I RIGHT OR AM I RIGHT OR AM I RIGHT?
[PHIL] NED, I WOULD LOVE TO STAND HERE AND TALK
WITH YOU BUT IM NOT GOING TO. SEE YOU.

[NED] THATS ALL RIGHT. ILL WALK WITH YOU.

YOU KNOW, WHENEVER I SEE AN OPPORTUNITY NOW I
CHARGE IT LIKE A BULL.
NED THE BULL, THATS ME NOW.
FRIENDS OF MINE LIVE AND DIE BY THE ACTUARIAL
TABLES.
I SAY, HEY, ITS ALL ONE BIG CRAP SHOOT.
HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF SINGLE PREMIUM LIFE?
BECAUSE THAT COULD BE THE TICKET FOR YOU.
OH, GOD! IT IS SO GOOD TO SEE YOU. WHAT ARE YOU
DOING FOR DINNER?
[PHIL] SOMETHING ELSE.
ITS BEEN GREAT SEEING YOU, NEEDLEHEAD. TAKE CARE.
snickering
[NED] WATCH OUT FOR THAT FIRST STEP. ITS A DOOZY.
polka music playing
**STRIKE UP THE MUSIC
THE BAND HAS BEGUN
THE PENNSYLVANIA POLKA
PICK OUT YOUR PARTNER
AND JOIN IN THE FUN
THE PENNSYLVANIA POLKA
IT STARTED IN SCRANTON

ITS NOW NUMBER ONE

ITS GOING TO ENTERTAIN YA**
Rita: HEY, PHIL! PHIL, OVER HERE. WHERE HAVE YOU
BEEN?
[PHIL] IT WAS HORRIBLE. A GIANT LEECH GOT ME.
[RITA] YOURE MISSING ALL THE FUN. THESE PEOPLE ARE
GREAT. SOME OF THEM HAVE BEEN PARTYING ALL
NIGHT.THEY SING TILL THEY GET COLD THEN THEY GO SIT
BY THE FIRE THEN THEY COME BACK AND SING SOME
MORE.
[PHIL] YEAH. THEYRE HICKS, RITA. SO, YOU SLEEP OKAY
WITHOUT ME? YOU TOSSED AND TURNED, DIDNT YOU?
[RITA] YOURE INCREDIBLE.
[PHIL] WHO TOLD YOU?
( crowd cheering )
[RITA] OKAY. ITS GROUNDHOG TIME.
[PHIL] OKAY, ON ME IN THREE
TWO ONE
ONCE A YEAR, THE EYES OF THE NATION
TURN TO THIS TINY HAMLET IN WESTERN PENNSYLVANIA
TO WATCH A MASTER AT WORK.
THE MASTER?
PUNXSUTAWNEY PHIL

THE WORLDS MOST FAMOUS WEATHERMAN, THE

GROUNDHOG WHO,
AS LEGEND HAS IT
CAN PREDICT THE COMING OF AN EARLY SPRING.
SO I GUESS THE QUESTION
WE HAVE TO ASK OURSELVES TODAY IS:
DOES PHIL FEEL LUCKY?
Phil: ITS THE SAME SHTICK EVERY YEAR.
THE GUY RAPS ON THE DOOR.
THEY PULL THE LITTLE RAT OUT
THEY TALK TO HIM, HE TALKS BACK.
THEN THEY TELL US WHATS GOING TO HAPPEN.
[Rita] OH, ISNT HE CUTE?
[PHIL] HEY, DO YOU LIKE YOUR GUYS WITH PROMINENT
UPPER TEETH?
[RITA] NO.
[Man] THIS FEBRUARY 2nd
AT 7:20 AND 30 SECONDS, PUNXSUTAWNEY PHIL
THE SEER OF SEERS
PROGNOSTICATOR OF PROGNOSTICATORS
EMERGED, RELUCTANTLY BUT ALERTLY
IN PUNXSUTAWNEY, PA
AND STATED IN GROUNDHOG-ESE

I DEFINITELY SEE A SHADOW.

( moans and boos )
SORRY, FOLKS.
SIX MORE WEEKS OF WINTER.
( booing )
[PHIL] ON ME IN TREE
TWOONE
THIS IS ONE TIME WHERE TELEVISION
REALLY FAILS TO CAPTURE THE TURE EXCITEMENT OF A
LARGE SQUIRREL PREDICTING THE WEATHER.
I, FOR ONE, AM VERY GRATEFUL TO HAVE BEEN HERE.
FROM PUNXSUTAWNEY, THIS IS PHIL CONNORS.
SO LONG.
[RITA] WANT TO TRY IT AGAIN WITHOUT THE SARCASM?
[PHIL] WE GOT IT. IM OUT OF HERE.
[LARRY] PRIMA DONNAS.
[LARRY] BOY, TAKE A LOOK AT THIS.
[PHIL] WHAT IS GOING ON?
[LARRY] I DONT KNOW, PHIL.
PERHAPS ITS THAT BLIZZARD WERE NOT SUPPOSED TO
GET.
[PHIL] THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE.
( honks horn )

[LARRY] HEY, HEY! NOBODY HONKS THIS HORN BUT ME,

OKAY, PAL?
[PHIL] NO! NO!
(horn honking)
[MAN] YOU GOT TO TAKE THIS RIG OUT OF HERE.
[PHIL] HEY, COMMANDER, WHATS GOING ON?
[POLICE] WERE CLOSING THE ROAD. BIG BLIZZARD
MOVING IN.
[PHIL] WHAT BLIZZARD? ITS A COUPLE OF FLAKES.
[POLICE] DONT YOU LISTEN TO THE WEATHER? WE GOT A
MAJOR STORM.
[PHIL] I MAKE THE WEATHER.
ALL OF THIS MOISTURE COMING UP OUT OF THE GULF
WILL PUSH OFF TO THE EAST AND HIT ALTOONA.
[POLICE] PAL, YOU GOT THAT MOISTURE ON YOUR HEAD.
YOU CAN GO BACK TO PUNXSUTAWNEY OR YOU CAN
FREEZE TO DEATH. ITS YOUR CHOICE. SO WHATS IT
GOING TO BE?
(horns honking, sirens wailing )
[PHIL] IM THINKING.
COME ON.
ALL THE LONG DISTANCE LINES ARE DOWN?
WHAT ABOUT THE SATELLITE?

IS IT SNOWING IN SPACE?
DONT YOU HAVE SOME KIND OF A LINE
THAT YOU KEEP OPEN FOR EMERGENCIES
OR FOR CELEBRITIES?
IM BOTH. IM A CELEBRITY IN AN EMERGENCY. CAN YOU
PATCH ME THROUGH ON THAT LINE, PLEASE? ( thud )
COULD I HAVE ONE MORE OF THESE
WITH SOME BOOZE IN IT, PLEASE?
OOH, I LIKE IT HERE.
[RITA] PHIL, YOU GOING TO THE GROUNDHOG DINNER?
[PHIL] NO, I HAD GROUNDHOG FOR LUNCH.
WASNT BAD. TASTES LIKE CHICKEN. YOU TWO RUN
ALONG.
WOW, LARRY, LOOKING FOXY TONIGHT, MAN.
HEY, IS YOUR TROOP GOING TO BE SELLING COOKIES
AGAIN
THIS YEAR?
[LARRY] THATS SO FUNNY, PHIL.
[RITA] WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO?
[PHIL] UH I THINK IM GOING TO GO BACK TO MY ROOM
AND TAKE A HOT SHOWER AND MAYBE READ HUSTLER OR
SOMETHING.
[RITA] SUIT YOURSELF.

( yelling )
[PHIL] YO, MOM, ISNT THERE ANY HOT WATER?
[MRS.LANCASTER] OH, NO, THERE WOULDNT BE TODAY.
[PHIL] OF COURSE NOT. SILLY ME.
[MRS.LANCASTER] SWEET DREAMS.
[RADIO] **Then put your little hand in mine
Cause there aint no hill or mountain we cant climb Babe
I got you, babe
I got you, babe**
Deejay #1: Okay, campers, rise and shine!
And dont forget your booties, cause its cold out there!
Deejay #2: Its cold out there every day.
[PHIL] NICE GOING, BOYS.
YOURE PLAYING YESTERDAYS TAPE.
Deejay #1: with that blizzard thing.
Oh, that blizzard thing.
Oh, well, heres the report.
The National Weather Service
is calling for a big blizzard thing.
Yes, but theres another reason
why today is especially exciting.
Especially cold.
But the big question on everybodys lipsCHAPPED LIPS.

chapped lips.
Right. Do you think Phil will come out and see his shadow?
Punxsutawney Phil!
Thats right, woodchuck chuckers.
Both: Its Groundhog Day!
Get up and chuck that hog out there!
men snorting like hogs
[PHIL] WHAT THE HELL?
[MAN] MORNING! OFF TO SEE THE GROUNDHOG?
[PHIL] YEAH.
[MAN] THINK IT WELL BE AN EARLY SPRING?
[PHIL] DIDNT WE DO THIS YESTERDAY?
[MAN] I DONT KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN.screams
[PHIL] DONT MESS WITH ME, PORK CHOP. WHAT DAY IS
THIS?
[MAN] ITS FEBRUARY 2, GROUNDHOG DAY.
[PHIL] YEAH. SORRY. YOU KNOW, I THOUGHT IT WAS
YESTERDAY.
[MAN] OH.
(nervous laughter)
[MRS. LANCASTER] DID YOU SLEEP WELL, MR. CONNORS?
[PHIL] DID I SLEEP WELL?
[MRS. LANCASTER] WOULD YOU LIKE SOME CDFFEE?

[PHIL] YES, PLEASE. I THINK ILL HAVE A DOUBLE.

[MRS. LANCASTER] I HOPE YOU ENJOY THE FESTIVITIES.
THERES TALK OF A BLIZZARD.
[PHIL] DO YOU EVER HAVE DEJA VU, MRS. LANCASTER?
[MRS. LANCASTER] I DOT THINK SO BUT I COULD CHECK
WITH THE KITCHEN.
[PHIL] NO, THATS OKAY. THANK YOU.
[MRS. LANCASTER] WILL YOU BE CHECKING OUT TODAY,
MR. CONNORS?
[PHIL] ID SAY THE CHANCE OF DEPARTURE IS 80%. 75, 80
EXCUSE ME.
EXCUSE ME.
WHERES EVERYBODY GOING?
[WOMAN] TO GOBBLERS KNOB. ITS GROUNDHOG DAY.
[PHIL] ITS STILL JUST ONCE A YEAR, ISNT IT?
[NED] HEY! PHIL?
PHIL? HEY!
PHIL CONNORS. I THOUGHT THAT WAS YOU.
MY, OH, MY, PHIL CONNORS.
NOW DONT YOU SAY YOU DONT REMEMBER ME
BECAUSE I SURE AS HECK-FIRE REMEMBER YOU. WELL?
[PHIL] NED RYERSON?
[NED] BING! OH, FIRST SHOT, RIGHT OUT OF THE BOX. SO,

HOWS IT GOING, OLD BUDDY?

[PHIL] TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH, NEDDY IM NOT FEELING
REAL WELL.
[NED] ITS FUNNY YOU SHOULD MENTION YOUR HEALTH.
YOU WILL NEVER GUESS WHAT I DO NOW.
[PHIL] DO YOU SELL INSURANCE?
[NED] HO-HO, BING AGAIN! YOU ARE SHARP AS A TACK
TODAY. DO YOU HAVE LIFE INSURANCE? BECAUSE IF YOU
DO YOU COULD ALWAYS USE A LITTLE MORE. BUT YOU
WANT TO KNOW SOMETHING? I GOTS A FEELING
(whistles)
YOU AINT GOT ANY.
AM I RIGHT OR AM I RIGHT OR AM I RIGHT?
[PHIL] I GOT TO GO.
[NED] PHIL!
(snickering)
[NED] WATCH OUT FOR THAT FIRST STEP.
ITS A DOOZY.
(laughing)
(polka music playing)
**STRIKE UP THE MUSIC
THE BAND HAS BEGUN
THE PENNSYLVANIA POLKA

PICK OUT YOUR PARTNER

AND JOIN IN THE FUN
THE PENNSYLVANIA POLKA
IT STARTED IN SCRANTON
ITS NOW NUMBER ONE**
[Rita] PHIL! PHIL, OVER HERE! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?
[PHIL] RITA, DO ME A FAVOR? I NEED SOMEONE TO GIVE
ME A GOOD, HARD SLAP IN THE FACE.
[RITA] HOWS THAT?
[PHIL] GOOD.
[LARRY] IF YOU NEED ANY HELP WITH THE OTHER CHEEK
IM RIGHT HERE.
[PHIL] SOMETHINGS GOING ON. I DONT KNOW WHAT TO
DO.
[RITA] ARE YOU DRUNK?
[PHIL] DRUNKS MORE FUN. CAN I BE SERIOUS FOR A
MINURE?
[RITA] I DONT KNOW. CAN YOU?
[PHIL] YES, IM BEING SERIOUS. IM HAVING A PROBLEM.
I MAY BE HAVING A PROBLEM.
[LARRY] RITA, RITA
[RITA] ITS GROUNDHOG TIME.
[PHIL] SEE, I KNEW YOU WERE GOING TO SAY THAT.

I REALLY FEEL WEIRD.

[RITA] LETS JUST DO THIS, PHIL, THEN WELL TALK.
[PHIL] ALL-RIGHT. ON ME IN THREETWO,ONE
Well, its Groundhog Day again
and that must mean
that were up here at Gobblers knob
waiting for the forecast
from the worlds most famous groundhog weatherman
Punxsutawney Phil, whos just about to tell us how much
more winter we can expect.
(crowd chanting:) PHIL! PHIL! PHIL!
[RITA] THIS IS A RIOT. OH, ISNT HE CUTE?
[MAN] THIS FEBRUARY 2, AT 7:20 AND 30 SECONDS
PUNXSUTAWNEY PHIL, THE SEER OF SEERS
PROGNOSTICATOR OF PROGNOSTICATORS EMERGED
RELUCTANTLY
[RITA] PHIL!
[MAN] BUT ALERTLY IN
(PHIL yelling)
OH, MY GOSH!
YEAH, SPORT, I KNOW THERES A BLIZZARD.
WHEN ARE. THE LONG DISTANCE LINES GOING TO BE
REPAIRED?

WELL, WHAT IF THERE IS NO TOMORROW?

THERE WASNT ONE TODAY.
HELLO?
(dial tone)
HELLO?!
[RADIO] **Then put your little hand in mine
Cause there aint no hill or mountain we cant climb Babe
I got you, babe
I got you, babe**
[MAN] MORNING! OFF TO SEE THE GROUNDHOG?
[MRS. LANCASTER] OH, DID YOU SLEEP WELL, MISTER..?
[PHIL] GOD!
[NED] HEY!
PHIL?
WELL, HEY, PHIL, DONT SAY YOU DONT REMEMBER ME
BECAUSE I SURE AS HECK-FIRE REMEMBER YOU.
ITS ME, NEDRYERSON.
NEEDLENOSE NED, NED THE HEAD.
COME ON, BUDDY.
CASE WESTERNHEY, LOOK
**PICK OUT YOUR PARTNER AND JOIN IN THE FUN**
[Rita] PHIL! OVER HERE! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?
[PHIL] CAN I TALK TO YOU ABOUT A MATTER THAT IS NOT

WORK-RELATED?
[Larry] HEY
[PHIL] ITS A CREATIVE MEETING.
[RITA] WEVE GOT WORK TO DO.
[PHIL] IVE ALREADY DONE IT TWICE.
WHEN YOU GET FINISHED, MEET ME IN THE DINER.
[RITA] PHIL
[LARRY] WHATS THAT ALL ABOUT?
[RITA] I DONT KNOW.
[LARRY] PRIMA DONNAS.
[WAITRESS] MORE COFFEE, HON?
[RITA] JUST A CHECK, PLEASE.
THESE STICKY BUNS ARE JUST HEAVEN.
[WAITRESS] ARENT THEY?
(loud clattering)
[Gus] REAL NICE.
JUST PUT THAT ANYWHERE, PAL, YEAH.
[Ralph] GOOD SAVE.
[RITA] OKAY, NOW TELL ME WHY YOURE TOO SICK TO
WORK.
[PHIL] RITA, IM RELIVING THE SAME DAY OVER AND
OVER. GROUNDHOG DAY, TODAY.
[RITA] OKAY, IM WAITING FOR THE PUNCH LINE.

[PHIL] NO, REALLY. THIS IS THE THIRD TIME.

ITS LIKE YESTERDAY NEVER HAPPENED.
[RITA] I CANT BEGIN TO IMAGINE WHY YOUD MAKE UP
SOMETHING LIKE THIS.
[PHIL] IM NOT MAKING IT UP. I AM ASKING YOU FOR HELP.
[RITA] OKAY. WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?
[PHIL] I DONT KNOW. YOURE A PRODUCER.
COME UP WITH SOMETHING.
[RITA] YOU SHOULD GET YOUR HEAD EXAMINED.
IF YOU EXPECT ME TO BELIEVE A STUPID STORY LIKE
THAT, PHIL.
[MAN] PHIL? LIKE THE GROUNDHOG PHIL?
[PHIL] YEAH, LIKE THE GROUNDHOG PHIL.
[MAN] LOOK OUT. FOR YOUR SHADOW THERE, PAL.
[PHIL] MORONS, YOUR BUS IS LEAVING.
[LARRY] WE BETTER GET GOING IF WERE GOING TO STAY
AHEAD OF THE WEATHER.
[RITA] LETS TALK ABOUT IT BACK IN PITTSBURGH.
[PHIL] IM NOT GOING BACK TO PITTSBURGH.
[Rita] WHY NOT?
[PHIL] BECAUSE OF THE BLIZZARD.
[RITA] YOU SAID THAT WAS GOING TO HIT ALTOONA.
[PHIL] I KNOW THATS WHAT I SAID.

[RITA] PHIL, I THINK YOU NEED HELP.

THATS WHAT I VE BEEN SAYING, RITA. I NEED HELP.
[DICTOR] WELL, NO SPOTS, NO CLOTS
NO TUMORS, NO LESIONS, NO ANEURYSMS...
AT LEAST, NONE THAT I CAN SEE.
IF YOU WANT A CAT SCAN OR AN M.R.I. YOURE GOING TO
HAVE TO GO INTO PITTSBURGH.
[PHIL] I CANT GO INTO PITTSBURGH.
[DICTOR] WHY CANT YOU GO INTO PITTSBURGH?
[PHIL] I TOLD YOU. THERES A BLIZZARD.
[DICTOR] OH, RIGHT. THE BLIZZARD.
YOU KNOW WHAT YOU MAY NEED?
[PHIL] A BIOPSY.
[DICTOR] A PSYCHIATRIST.
THATS AN UNUSUAL PROBLEM, MR. CONNORS. MOST OF
MY WORK IS WITH COUPLES, FAMILIES I HAVE AN
ALCOHOLIC NOW.
[PHIL] YOU WENT TO COLLEGE, RIGHT?
IT WASNT VETERINARY PSYCHOLOGY, WAS IT? DIDNT
YOU TAKE SOME KIND OF COURSE THAT COVERED THIS
STUFF?
[PSYCHIATRIST] YEAH, SORT OF, I GUESS, UH
ABNORMAL PSYCHOLOGY.

[PHIL] SO
WHAT DO I DO?
[PSYCHIATRIST] I THINK WE SHOULD MEET AGAIN.
HOWS TOMORROW FOR YOU?
IS THAT NOT GOOD?
[PHIL] I WAS IN THE VIRGIN ISLANDS ONCE.
I MET A GIRL, WE ATE LOBSTER, DRANK PINA COLADAS.
AT SUNSET, WE MADE LOVE LIKE SEA OTTERS.
THAT WAS A PRETTY GOOD DAY.
WHY COULDNT I GET THAT DAY OVER AND OVER AND
OVER?
[GUS] YOU KNOW, SOME GUYS WOULD LOOK AT THIS
GLASS AND SAY, THAT GLASS IS HALF-EMPTY.
OTHER GUYS WOULD SAY THAT GLASS IS HALF-FULL.
I PEG YOU AS A GLASS IS HALF-EMPTY KIND OF GUY.
AM I RIGHT?
[PHIL] WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF YOU WERE STUCK IN ONE
PLACE AND EVERY DAY WAS EXACTLY THE SAME.
AND NOTHING THAT YOU DID MATTERED?
[RALPH] THAT ABOUT SUMS IT UP FOR ME.
[RALPH] GOOD LUCK.
ILL DROP YOU OFF.
THIS THING STICKS A LITTLE BIT.

YOU GOT TO JIGGLE IT.

[GUS] COME ON UP HERE, PAL.
COME ON, GIVE ME YOUR KEYS.
GIVE ME THE KEYS.
FRIENDS DONT LET FRIENDS DRIVE, RIGHT?
TAKE A DEEP BREATH.
YOU FEEL OKAY?
REALLY?
OKAY, YOURE ALL RIGHT.
[RULPH] UH-OH.
[PHIL] WHOA!
YOU WANT TO THROW UP HERE OR IN THE CAR?
[RULPH] I THINKBOTH.
[PHIL] COME ON.
[GUS] I DONT THINK I SHOULD BE DRIVING.
[PHIL] NO, NO. I DONT EITHER.
WATCH YOUR HEAD.
NOW, WATCH YOUR KNEES.
ALL RIGHT. LETS NOT FORGET THE SEAT BELTS.
[RALPH] HEY, WHO ELSE COULD GO FOR SOME FLAPJACKS
RIGHT NOW?
[PHIL] LET ME ASK YOU GUYS A QUESTION.
[Ralph] SHOOT.

[PHIL] WHAT IF THRER WERE NO TOMORROW?

NO TOMORROW?
[GUS] THAT WOULD MEAN THERE WOULD BE NO
CONSEQUENCES.
THERE WOULD BE NO HANGOVERS.
WE COULD DO WHATEVER WE WANTED.
[PHIL] THATS TRUE.
WE COULD DO WHATEVER WE WANT.
[GUS] IF WE WANTED TO HIT MAILBOXES, WE COULD LET
RALPH DRIVE.
(siren wailing)
[GUS] OH, HEY, HEY, PHIL. THEY WANT YOU TO STOP.
[PHIL] HANG ON.
Phil: ITS THE SAME THING YOUR WHOLE LIFE. CLEAN UP
YOUR ROOM.
PICK UP YOUR FEET.
TAKE IT LIKE A MAN.
BE NICE TO YOUR SISTER.
DONT MIX BEER AND WINE.
OH, YEAH.
DONT DRIVE ON THE RAILROAD TRACKS. WELL,
[GUS] THATS ONE I HAPPEN TO AGREE WITH.
[PHIL] I DONT KNOW, GUS. SOMETIMES, I THINK

YOU JUST HAVE TO TAKE THE BIG CHANCES.

This is the police.
Pull over immediately.
[GUS] HEY, WERE TALKING IN HERE. UH, PHIL
[PHIL] YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
IM BETTING HES GOING TO SWERVE FIRST.
[GUS] PHIL
[PHIL] IM NOT GOING TO LIVE BY THEIR RULES
ANYMORE.
[RALPH] I NOTICED THAT.
[PHIL] YOU MAKE CHOICES, AND TOU LIVE WITH THEM.
UH-OH!
[GUS] OH, OH, OH. MY KNEE.
[PHIL] LET ME HANDLE THIS.
YEAH, THREE CHEESEBURGERS, TWO LARGE FRIES TWO
CHOCOLATE SHAKES, AND ONE LARGE COKE.
[RALPH] AND SOME FLAPJACKS.
[PHIL] TOO EARLY FOR FLAPJACKS?
**Then put your little hand in mine
Cause there aint no hill or mountain we cant climb**
[PHIL] YES! OH, RISE AND SHINE, CAMPERS.
DONT FORGET YOUR BOOTLES CAUSE ITS COLD OUT
THERE TODAY. WHAT IS THIS, MIAMI BEACH? NOT HARDLY.

[MRS. LANCASTER] OH, I.

[PHIL] SLEPT LIKE A BABY, THANK YOU.
ID LOVE SOME OF YOUR COFFEE, PLEASE.
[MRS.LANCASTER] I HOPE
[PHIL] FLURRIES MOVING IN A BIT LATER BUT THE
BLIZZARDS GOING TO HIT OUTSIDE OF TOWN. WAS
ANYBODY LOOKING FOR ME?
A STATE OFFICIAL, MAYBE A BLUE HAT, GUN, NIGHTSTICK?
[MRS.LANCASTER] OH, NO. NO ONE LIKE THAT. WILL
THERE BE?
[PHIL] APPARENTLY NOT. WILL YOU HOLD MY ROOM,
PLEASE?
IM GOING TO STAY AN EXTRA DAY.
CATCH YOU TOMORROW, HUH, POP.
[NED] HEYPHIL? PHIL? HEY, PHIL CONNORS!
[PHIL] NED!
[RITA] I LIKE TO SEE A MAN OF ADVANCING YEARS
THROWING CAUTION TO THE WIND. ITS INSPIRING, IN A
WAY.
[PHIL] MY YEARS ARE NOT ADVANCING AS FAST AS YOU
MIGHT THINK.
[WAITRESS] MORE COFFEE, HON?
[PHIL] YEAH. KEEP IT COMING, PLEASE.

[WAITRESS] SURE THING.

(clattering)
[GUS] REAL NICE.
JUST PUT THAT ANYWHERE, PAL, YEAH.
[Ralph] GOOD SAVE.
[RITA] DONT YOU WORRY ABOUT CHOLESTEROL LUNG
CANCER, LOVE HANDLES?
[PHIL] I DONT WORRY ABOUT ANYTHING ANYMORE.
[RITA] WHAT MAKES YOU SO SPECIAL? EVERYBODY
WORRIES.
[PHIL] THATS EXACTLY WHAT MAKES ME SO SPECIAL. I
DONT EVEN HAVE TO FLOSS.
[RITA] OH!
[PHIL] WHAT?
[RITA] THE WRETCH, CONCENTERED ALL IN SELF.
LIVING, SHALL FORFEIT FAIR RENOWN AND DOUBLY
DYING, SHALL GO DOWN
TO THE VILE DUST, FROM WHENCE HE SPRUNG UNWEPT,
UNHONORED AND UNSUNG.
SIR WALTER SCOTT.
YOU DONT LIKE POETRY?
[PHIL] I LOVE POETRY.
I JUST THOUGHT THAT WAS WILLARD SCOTT.

DO YOU THINK IM ACTING LIKE THIS

BECAUSE IM EGOCENTRIC?
[RITA] I KNOW YOURE EGOCENTRIC.
[LARRY] WE BETTER GET GOING
IF WERE GOING TO STAY AHEAD OF THE WEATHER.
[RITA] THANKS, LARRY.
WOULD YOU LIKE A DOGGIE BAG?
[PHIL] NO, IM GOING TO FINISH.
[RITA] I THOUGHT YOU HATED THIS TOWN.
[PHIL] NO ITS BEGINNING TO GROW ON ME.
[PHIL] LARRY, QUIT STARING. THESE ARE EXCELLENT.
[RITA] BON APPETIT.
Phil meets Nancy
[PHIL] DID YOU SEE THE GROUNDHOG THIS MORNING?
[NANCY] UH-HUH. I NEVER MISS IT.
[PHIL] WHATS YOUR NAME?
[NANCY] NANCY TAYLOR. AND YOU ARE?
[PHIL] WHAT HIGH SCHOOL DID YOU GO TO?
[NANCY] WHAT?
[PHIL] HIGH SCHOOL.
[NANCY] LINCOLN IN PITTSBURGH. WHO ARE YOU?
[PHIL] WHO WAS YOUR 12th GRADE ENGLISH TEACHER?
[NANCY] ARE YOU KIDDING?

[PHIL] IN 12th GRADE, YOUR ENGLISH TEACHER WAS

[NANCY] MRS. WALSH.
[PHIL] MRS. WALSH. NANCY. LINCOLN. WALSH.
OKAY, THANKS VERY MUCH.
[NANCY] HEY
HEY!
[RADIO] STRIKE UP THE MUSIC
THE BAND HAS BEGUN
THE PENNSYLVANIA POLKA
[PHIL] NANCY? NANCY TAYLOR? LINCOLN HIGH SCHOOL.
I SAT NEXT TO YOU IN MRS. WALSH ENGLISH CLASS.
[NANCY] OH. IM SORRY
[PHIIL] PHIL CONNORS.
[NANCY] WOW, THATS AMAZING.
[PHIL] YOU DONT REMEMBER ME, DO YOU?
[NANCY] UM
[PHIL] I EVEN ASK YOU TO THE PROM.
[NANCY] PHIL CONNORS?
[PHIL] I WAS SHORT, AND IVE SPROUTED.
[NANCY] YEAH GOSH, HOW ARE YOU?
[PHIL] GREAT. YOU LOOK TERRIFIC. YOU LOOK VERY, VERY
TERRIFIC. LISTEN, I GOT TO GO DO THIS REPORT.
[NANCY] ARE YOU A REPORTER?

[PHIL] IM A WEATHERMAN WITH CHANNEL 9 PITTSBURGH.

[NANCY] WOW! GOSH, I SHOULD HAVE KNOW. THATS
GREAT.
[PHIL] MAYBE LATEER WE COULD
[NANCY] YEAH, WHATEVER.
[PHIL] STAY RIGHT HERE. YOU PROMISE ME?
[NANCY] YES.
[PHIL] ILL BE BACK. WISH ME LUCK.
[NANCY] GOOD LUCK!
[NANCY] OH, PHIL! OH, PHIL!
[PHIL] OH, RITA.
[NANCY] WHOS RITA?
[PHIL] HOW SHOULD I KNOW?
[NANCY] WHAT IS THIS, SOME KIND OF ONE-NIGHT STAND?
[PHIL] ON THE CONTRARY, NANCY. I LOVE YOU. IVE
ALWAYS LOVED YOU. THIS IS GOING TO SEEM SUDDEN,
BUT NANCY, WILL YOU BE MY WIFE?
[NANCY] OH, PHIL.
[PHIL] RITA
[NANCY] NANCY.
[PHIL] WHATEVER.
[PHIL] A GUST OF WIND.

A DOG BARKS.
(dog barking)
CUE THE TRUCK.
EXIT HERMAN.
WALK INTO THE BANK.
EXIT FELIX AND STAND THERE.
WITH A NOT-SO-BRIGHT LOOK ON YOU FACE
ALL RIGHT, DORIS.
COME ON.
FIX YOUR BAR, HONEY.
THATS BETTER.
FELIX.
HOW YOU DOING, DORIS?
CAN I HAVE A ROLL OF QUARTERS?
TEN
NINE
EIGHT
CAR
SIX
FIVE
QUARTERS
THREE
TWO

[HERMAN] FELIX, DID I BRING OUT TWO BAGS OR ONE?

[FILIX] I DONT KNOW.
(spurs jingling)
[GIRL] I THOUGHT WE WERE GOING TO A COSTUME PARTY.
(imitating Clint Eastwood: )
[PHIL] ITS LIKE I SAID. I LOVE THIS FILM. IVE SEEN IT
OVER 100 TIMES.
[GIRL] PHIIL!
[PHIL] TOLD YOU, CALL ME BRONCO.
[GIRL] SORRT, BRONCO.
[PHIL] HI YA, NANCY. MY OWN FIANCE DOESNT
REMEMBER ME.
WOMAN: HI.
[GIRL] HI.
[PHIL] THAT WILL BE ONE ADULT, AND
[GIRL] TWO ADULTS.
[PHIL] TWO ADULTS, I GUESS.
groundhog, who, as legend has it can predict the coming of an early
spring. So I guess the question we have to ask ourselves today is does
Phil feel lucky?
GOUNDHOG. DAY#6
[PHIL] RITA, IF YOU ONLY HAD ONE DAY TO LIVE WHAT
WOULD YOU DO WITH IT?

[RITA] I DONT KNOW, PHIL. WHAT ARE YOU DYING FOR?

[PHIL] NO I MEAN, THE WHOLE WORLD IS ABOUT TO
EXPLODE. WHAT DO YOU DO?
[RITA] ID JUST WANT TO KNOW WHERE TO PUT THE
CARMRA. WHAT ARE YOU LOIOKING FOR? A DATE FOR THE
WEEKEND?
[PHIL] NO. IM JUST INTERESTED IN YOU.
WHAT DO YOU WANT?
WHAT DO YOU LIKE?
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT?
WHAT KIND OF MEN ARE YOU INTERESTED IN?
WHAT DO YOU DO FOR FUN?
[RITA] IS THIS FOR REAL OR ARE YOR TRYING TO MAKE ME
LOOK LIKE A FOOL?
[PHIL] I M TRYING TO TALK LIKE NORMAL PEOPLE.
ISNT THIS HOW THEY TALK?
[RITA] CLOSE.
[PHIL] SO TALK TO ME. LET ME BUY YOU A CUP OF
COFFIEEAND A DOUGHNUT.
[RITA] ALL RIGHT.
Phil: SO WHAT DO YOU WANT OUT OF LIFE, ANYWAY?
[RITA] I GUESS I WANT WANT EVERYBODY WANTS. YOU
KNOW, CAREER, LOVE, MAGGIAGE, CHILDREN.

[PHIL] ARE YOU SEEING ANYONE?

[RITA] THIS IS GETTING TOO PERSONAL. I DONT THINK IM
READY TO SHARE THIS WITH YOU. HOW ABOUT YOU?
WHAT DO YOU WANT?
[PHIL] WHAT I REALLY WANT IS SOMEONE LIKE YOU.
[RITA] OH, PLEASE.
[PHIL] WELL, WHY NOT? WHAT ARE LOOKING FOR? WHO IS
YOUR PERFFECT GUY?
[RITA] WELL, FIRST OF ALL HES TO HUMBLE TO KNOW
HES PERFFCT.
[PHIL] THATS ME.
[RITA] HES INTELLIGENT, SUPPORTIVE FUNNY.
[PHIL] INTELLIGENT, SUPPORTIVE, FUNNYME, ME, ME.
[RITA] HES ROMANTIC AND COURAGEOUS.
[PHIL] ME, ALSO.
[RITA] A GOOD BOY.
BUT HE DOESNT LOOK IN THE MIRROR EVERY TWO
MINUTES.
[PHIL] I HAVE A GREAT BODY.
AND SOMETIMES, I GO MONTHS WITHOUT LOOKING.
[RITA] HES KIND, SENSITIVE, AND GENTLE.
HES NOT AFRAID TO CRY IN FRONT OF ME.
[PHIL] THIS IS A MAN WERE TALKING ABOUT, RIGHT?

[RITA] HE LIKES ANIMALS AND CHILDREN AND HELL

CHANGE POOPY DIAPERS.
[PHIL] DOES HE HAVE TO USE THE WORD POOPY?
[RITA] OH, AND HE PLAYS AN INSTRUMENT
AND HE LOVES HIS MOTHER.
[PHIL] I AM REALLY CLOSE ON THIS ONE.
REALLY, REALLY CLOSE.
Phil & Rita - Take 1
[GIRL] ITS PHIL CONNORS.
[PHIL] HELLO. THANKS FOR WATCHING.
[PHIL] SO WHAT ARE THE CHANCES OF GETTING OUT
TODAY?
[RITA] VAN STILL WONT START. LARRYS WORKING ON IT.
[PHIL] WOULDNT YOU KNOW IT. CAN I BUY YOU A DRINK?
[RITA] OKAY.
[PHIL] JIM BEAM, ICE, WATER.
[BARTENDER] FOR YOU, MISS?
[RITA] SWEET VERMOUTH ON THE ROCKS WITH A TWIST,
PLEASE.
Phil & Rita Take 2
[PHIL] WHAT ARE THE CHANCE OF GETTING OUT OF
TODAY?
[RITA] THE VAN STILL WONT START. LARRYS WORKING

ON IT.
[PHIL] WOULDNT YOU KNOW IT. CAN I BUY YOU A DRINK?
[RITA] OKAY.
[PHIL] SWEET VERMOUTH, ROCKS, WITH A TWIST, PLEASE.
[BARTENDER] FOR YOU, MISS?
[RITA] THE SAME. THAT MY FAVORITE DRINK.
[PHIL] MINE TOO.
[PHIL] IT ALWAYS MAKES ME THINK OF ROME
THE WAY THE SUN HITS THE BUILDINGS IN THE
AFTERNOON.
[RITA] OH WHAT SHOULD WE DRINK TO?
[PHIL] TO THE GROUNDFOG.
[RITA] I ALWAYS DRINK TO THE WORLD PEACE
Phil & Rita Take 3
[PHIL] CAN I BUY YOU A DRINK?
[RITA] OKAY.
[PHIL] SWEET VERMOUTH, ROCKS, WITH A TWIST, PLEASE.
[BARTENDER] FOR YOU, MISS?
[RITA] THE SAME. THAT MY FAVORITE DRINK.
[PHIL] MINE TOO.
[PHIL] IT ALWAYS MAKES ME THINKS OF ROME
THE WAY THE SUN HITS THE BUILDINGS IN THE
AFTERNOON.

[RITA] WHAT SHOULD WE DRINK TO?

[PHIL] I LIKE TO SAY A PRAYER AND DRINK TO WORLD
PEACE
[RITA] TO WORLD PEACE.
[PHIL] WORLD PEACE. AMEM.
[RITA] THIS IS WONDERFUL.
[PHIL] SEE, DONT I TELL YOU?
[RITA] HOW DO YOU KNOW SO MUCH ABOUT
PUNXSUTAWENY?
[PHIL] IVE SPENT A LOT OF TIME HERE.
SMALL-TOWN PEOPLE ARE MORE REAL, MORE DOWN TO
EARTH.
[RITA] THATS HOW I FELL.
[PHIL] WOULD YOU WANT TO TRY SOME WHITE
CHOCOLATE?
[RITA] YUCK. DONT MAKE ME SICK.
[PHIL] NO WHITE CHOCOLATE,
[RITA] THERE IS SOMETHING SO FAMILIAR ABOUT THIS.
DO YOU EVER HAVE DJ VU?
[PHIL] DIDNT YOU TUST ASK ME THAT?
[PHIL] I THINK PEOPLE PLACE TOO MUCH EMPHASIS ON
THEIR CAREERS. I WISH WE COULD ALL LIVE IH THE

MOUNTAINS AT HIGH ALTITUDE. THATS WHERE I SEE

MYSELF IN FIVE YEARS. HOW ABOUT YOU?
[RITA] OH, I AGREE.
I JUST LIKE TO GO WITH THE FLOW.
SEE WHERE IT LEADS ME.
[PHIL] WELL, ITS LED YOU HERE.
[RITA] MM-HMM. OF COURSE, ITS ABOUT A MILLION
MILES FROM WHERE I STARTED OUT IN COLLEGE.
[PHIL] YOU WERENT IN BROADCASTING AND
JOURNALISM?
[RITA] HMM-MM.
BELIEVE IT OR NOT.
I STUDIED 19TH-CENTURY FRENCH POETRY.
[PHIL] WHAT A WASTE OF TIME. I MEAN, FOR SOMEONE
ELSE THAT WOULD BE AN INCREDIBLE WASTE OF TIME. IT
WAS SO BOLD OF YOU TO CHOOSE THAT. ITS
INCREDIBLE.YOU MUST BE A VERY STRONG PERSON.
[PHIL] I THINK PEOPLE PLACE TOO MUCH EMPHASIS ON
THEIR CAREERS. GOSH, I WISH WE COULD ALL LIVE IN THE
MOUNTAINS AT HIGH ALTITUDES. THATS WHERE I SEE
MYSELF IN FIVE YEARS. HOW ABOUT YOU?
[RITA] OH, I AGREE.
I JUST LIKE TO GO WITH THE FLOW.

SEE WHAT HAPPENS.

[PHIL] WELL, ITS GOTTON YOU HERE.
[RITA] UH-HUH. OF COURSE, ITS A MILLION MILES FROM
WHERE I STARTED OUT IN COLLEGE.
[PHIL] YOU WERENT IN BROADCASTING OR JOURNALISM?
[RITA] UH-UH. BELIEVE IT OR NOT
I STUDIED 19th-CENTURY FRENCH POETRY.
[PHIL] LA FILLE QUI JAIMERAIS SERA COMME MON FRERE
(speaking French)
UN PEU, CHAQUE MATIN.
[RITA] YOU SPEAK FRENCH.
[PHIL] OUI.
[PHIL] CATCH UP. I HAVENT DONE THIS SINCE I WAS A KID.
[RITA] ME NEITHER. ITS FUN.
[PHIL] ITS GOOD, CLEAN FUN.
I HOPE THAT, ONE DAY I CAN DO THIS WITH MY OWN
CHILDREN.
[RITA] WHERE DID YOU GET THAT?
[PHIL] WELL, I WENT OVER TO THE SNOWMAN SHOP. HEY,
AN ASSASSIN!
ILL PROTECT YOU, YOUR MAJESTY.
I SHALL DIE FOR YOU.
YOU SHALL NOT TAKE HER.

FIND COVER, MY LADY.

Boy: HEY, NICE ARM.
IM GETTING SOME GOOD ONES.
HEY, THERES A BOY.
THATS A BOY.
GOOD TRY, SON.
[RITA] HELP ME.
**YOU GIVE YOUR HAND TO ME
AND THEN YOU SAY HELLO
AND I CAN HARDLY SPEAK
MY HEART IS BEATING SO
AND ANYONE CAN TELL
YOU THINK YOU KNOW ME WELL
BUT YOU DONT KNOW ME
NO, YOU DONT KNOW ME
NO, YOU DONT KNOW THE ONE
WHO DREAMS OF YOU AT NIGHT
AND LONGS TO KISS YOUR LIPS
AND LONGS TO HOLD YOU TIGHT
OH, IM JUST A FRIEND
THATS ALL IVE EVER BEEN
CAUSE YOU DONT KNOW ME.**
[RITA] OH.

[PHIL] WHAT?
[RITA] IM JUST AMAZED. AND IM NOT EASILY AMAZED.
[PHIL] ABOUT WHAT?
[RITA] HOW YOU CAN START A DAY WITH ONE KIND OF
EXPECTATION AND END UP SO COMPLETELY DIFFERENT.
[PHIL] WELL, DO YOU LIKE THE WAY THIS DAY IS TURNING
OUT?
[RITA] I LIKE IT VERY MUCH.ITS A PERFECT DAY.
YOU COULDNT HAVE PLANNED A DAY LIKE THIS.
[PHIL] WELL, YOU CAN. IT JUST TAKES AN AWFUL LOT OF
WORK.COME ON IN. I WANT TO SHOW YOU SOMETHING.
[RITA] I DONT THINK I SHOULD.
[PHIL] I DONT THINK YOU SHOULD, EITHER.
IM GOING TO SHOW YOU THIS ONE THING
AND KICK YOU RIGHT OUT.
[RITA] ITS JUST LOVELY.
[PHIL] WOULD YOU LIKE TO SIT AND STARE AT THE FAKE
FIRE?
[RITA] OKAY. ITS REALLY A WONDERFUL ROOM.
[PHIL] IT IS NOW.
[RITA] I DONT KNOW, PHIL. I DONT THINK WE SHOULD DO
THIS.
[PHIL] I DONT, EITHER.

NO, ON SECOND THOUGH, I THINK WE SHOULD.

ITS THE PERFECT END TO A PERFECT DAY.
[RITA] WELL, ITS A LITTLE FAST FOR ME.
[PHIL] ME TOO.
[RITA] MAYBE I SHOULD GO.
[PHIL] WHERE WOULD YOU GO?
WHY?
WEVE GOT A PERFECT FIRE.
IVE GOT SOME FRENCH POETRY HERE.
BAUDELAIRE?
CEST FANTASTIQUE.
I WELL READ TO YOU.
IVE GOT SOME ICE CREAM OVER ON THIS WINDOWSILL.
HOLD ON A MINUTE.
ROCKY ROAD.
[RITA] OH, I LOVE ROCKY ROAD.
[PHIL] YEAH, I THOUGHT SO.
YOU HAVE TO STAY.
[RITA] NO, REALLY,PHIL, IM TIRED.
WE CAN SEE EACH OTHER TOMORROW.
[PHIL] NO.
TONIGHT.
ITS GOT TO BE TONIGHT.

[RITA] NO, PHIL, REALLY.

[PHIL] COME ON, JUST STAY FOR A WHILE
AND IF YOU LIKE IT, STAY FOR A WHILE LONGER.
[RITA] LETS NOT SPOIL IT, OKAY?
[PHIL] IM NOT SPOILING IT.
I DONT WANT TO SPOIL IT, EITHER.
[RITA] YOU KNOW I CANT STAY WITH YOU.
[PHIL] WHY NOT?
I LOVE YOU.
[RITA] YOU LOVE ME?
[PHIL] I LOVE YOU.
[RITA] YOU DONT EVEN KNOW ME.
[PHIL] OH I KNOW YOU.
I KNOW YOU.
[RITA] OH, NO. I CANT BELIEVE I FELL FOR THIS. THIS
WHOLE DAY HAS JUST BEEN ONE LONG SETUP.
[PHIL] NO, IT HASNT.
[RITA] AND I HATE FUDGE.
YUCK
[PHIL] NO WHITE CHOCOLATE, NO FUDGE.
[RITA] ARE YOU MAKING SOME KIND OF LIST OR
SOMETHING?
DID YOU CALL UP MY FRIENDS AND ASK

WHAT I LIKE AND DONT LIKE?

IS THIS WHAT LOVE IS FOR YOU?
[PHIL] NO, THIS IS REAL.
[RITA] STOP SAYING THAT.
YOU MUST BE CRAZY.
I COULD NEVER LOVE SOMEONE LIKE YOU
BECAUSE YOULL NEVER LOVE ANYONE BUT YOURSELF.
[PHIL] I DONT EVEN LIKE MYSELF.
GIVE MA ANOTHER CHANCE.
[RITA] THATS FOR MAKING ME CARE ABOUT YOU.
[PHIL] I HAVENT DONE THIS SINCE I WAS A KID.
[RITA] ME NEITHER.
ITS FUN.
[PHIL] AND GOOD, CLEAN FUN TOO.
GOSH, I CANT WAIT TO DO THIS WITH MY OWN CHILDREN.
I WANT KIDS, LOTS OF KIDS.
I WANT TO ADOPT.
I WANT TO HAVE MY OWN KIDS.
I WANT TO HAVE FOSTER KIDS.
HEY, SOME KID JUST THREW A SNOWBALL AT US.
LETS HAVE SOME FUN.
COME ON.
HEY KIDS, COME ON.

I WISH THESE WERE MY OWN KIDS HITTING ME LIKE THAT.

HEY!
OW, OW! ARE ANY OF YOU ADOPTION?
HERES A HUMDINGER OVER HERE.
WASNT THAT GREAT?
[RITA] STOP IT.
**STRIKE UP THE MUSIC
THE BAND HAS BEGUN**
Rita: PHIL, OVER HERE.
WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?
YOURE MISSING ALL THE FUN.
PHIL, YOU LOOK TERRIBLE.
WHAT HAPPENED? ROUGH NIGHT?
[PPIL] [PHIL] YEAH.
OKAY, CAMPERS, RISE AND SHINE.
AND DONT FORGET YOUR BOOTIES
CAUSE ITS COLD OUT THERE TODAY.
ITS COLD OUT THERE EVERY DAY.
Alex TrebekThis countrys largest lake, Chapala is
located near the city
of Guadalajara,
[PHIL] WHAT IS MEXICO?
What is Mexico?

Lakes and Rivers, 400.

Seneca is the largest of these lakesWHAT
[PHIL] ARE THE FINGER LAKES?
What are the Finger Lakes?
Correct.
This South American lake drains into
[PHIL] WHAT IS TITICACA?
What is Titicaca?
Correct.
Lakes and Rivers
for 1000.
Milky colored
[PHIL] WHAT IS THE RHONE?
this river is blue upon exiting. What is the
Rhone?
The Rhone, good, for $1,000.
You are $500 off the lead.
[PHIL] VERY GOOD.
THIS IS PITIFUL.
1,000 PEOPLE FREEZING THEIR BUTTS OFF WAITING
TO WORSHIP A RAT.
WHAT A HYPE.
GROUNDHOG DAY

USED TO MEAN SOMETHING IN THIS TOWN.

THEY USED TO PULL THE HOG OUT AND EAT IT.YOURE
HYPOCRITES, ALL OF YOU!
YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH WHAT IM SAYING, LARRY?
UNTIE YOUR TONGUE.
COME HERE AND TALK.
AM I UPSETTING YOU
PRINCESS?
YOU KNOW, YOU WANT A PREDICTION ABOUT THE
WEATHER YOURE ASKING THE WRONG PHIL.
ILL GIVE YOU A WINTER PREDICTION.
ITS GOING TO BE COLD
ITS GOING TO BE GRAY
AND ITS GOING TO LAST YOU FOR THE REST OF YOUR
LIFE.
Then put your little hand in mine
clattering
Then put your little hand in mine
Cause there aint no hill or mount
Then put your little hand in mine
Cause there aint no hill or mountain we cant climb
clattering
tinny and distorted:I got you, babe.

[PHIL] ONCE AGAIN, THE EYES OF THE NATION

HAVE TURNED HERE, TO THIS
TINY VILLAGE IN WESTERN PENNSYLVANIA
BLAH, BLAHBLAH, BLAHBLAH.
THERE IS NO WAYTHAT THIS WINTER IS EVER GOING TO
END AS LONG AS THIS GROUNDHOG KEEPS SEETING HIS
SHADOW. I DONT SEE AN OTHER WAY.
HES GOT TO BE STOPPED.
AND I HAVE TO STOP HIM.
[LARRY] REAL GOOD, PHIL.
REAL GOOD.
[RITA] HES OUT OF HIS GOURD.
IM WORRIED.
I THINK THERES SOMETHING REALLY WRONG WITH PHIL.
[LARRY] YEAH. THERES A LOT OF THINGS REALLY WRONG
WITH PHIL.
[RITA] OH, HI, PHIL.
[PHIL] IVE COME TO THE END OF ME, RITA.
THERES NO WAY OUT NOW.
I JUST WANT YOU TO REMEMBER.
WE HAD A BEAUTIFUL DAY TOGETHER ONCE.
[MAN] ALL RIGHT, LITTLE FELLA, GOOD JOB.
HE JUST SMILED AT ME!

DID YOU SEE THAT?

I BELIEVE HE DID.
both laughing
OKAY, LITTLE FELLA, THERE YOU GO.
[MAN] HI, THERE, MISTER.
SOMETHING I CAN DO YOU FOR?
HEY!
HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!
HEY!
JAKE! GET THE WORD OUT!
SOMEBODY KIDNAPPED PHIL!
WERE GOING AFTER HIM.
tires screeching
[RITA] WHY WOULD ANYBODY STEAL A GROUNDHOG?
[LARRY] I CAN THINK OF A COUPLE OF REASONS.
PERVERT.
[RITA] HE MUST HAVE JUST SNAPPED.
[LARRY] THIS OUGHT TO BE GOOD.
tiers screening
[RITA] WHAT IS HE DOING?
WHAT CAN HE BE THINKING?
[PHIL] THATS NOT BAD FOR A QUADRUPED.
YOU GOT TO CHECK YOUR MIRRORS.

JUST SIDE OF YOUR EYE.

THATS IT, THATS IT.
HEY, THEYRE CHASING US!
COME ON, MAKE IT FUN.
squawks
DONT DRIVE ANGRY.
DONT DRIVE ANGRY!
[MAN] HOT DOG! THERES NO WAY OUT EXCEPT THE WAY
WE CAME IN.
WE GOT HIM NOW.
truck engine revving
truck engine revving louder
[LARRY] WHAT THE HELL IS HE DOING?
[RITA] I DONT KNOW.
[MAN] IF YOU SHOOT, AIM HIGH.
DONT HIT THE GROUNDHOG.
[PHIL] WE MUSTNT KEEP OUR PUBLIC WAITING..
chattering and whimpering
ITS SHOW TIME, PHIL.
ALL RIGHT, ON ME, LARRY, IN THERE
TWO
ONE
[RITA]PHIL!

[LARRY] HE MIGHT BE OKAY.

WELL, NO, PROBABLY NOT NOW.
**Then put your little hand in mine.
Cause there aint no hill or mountain we cant climb**
[PHIL] AW, NUTS.
[MRS. LANCASTER]DID YOU SLEEP WELL, MR. CONNORS?
WOULD YOU LIKE SOMEM, UH, TOAST?
crackling
OH, MY GOD!
honking
tires screening
thud
church bells ringing
[RITA] THATS HIM.
[LARRY]HE WAS A REALLY, REALLY GREAT GUY.
I REALLY, REALLY LIKED HIM.
A LOT.
Phil Convinces Rita
[RITA] IM SORRY? WHAT WAS THAT AGAIN?
[PHIL] IM A GOD.
[RITA] YOURE A GOD.
[PHIL] IM A GOD, IM NOT THE GODI DONT THINK.
[RITA] BECAUSE YOU SURVIVED A CAR WRECK?

[DORIS] YOU FOLKS READY?

[PHIL] I DIDNT JUST SURVIVE A WRECK.
I WASNT JUST BLOWN UP.
I HAVE BEEN STABBED, SHOT, POISONED,
FROZEN, HUNG, ELECTROCUTED AND BURNED.
[RITA] OH, REALLY?
[PHIL] EVERY MORNING, I WAKE UP WITHOUT A
SCRATCH
NOT A DENT IN THE FENDER.
I AM AN IMMORTAL.
[DORIS] SPECIAL TODAY IS BLUEBERRY WAFFLES.
[RITA] WHY ARE YOU TELLING ME THIS?
[PHIL] BECAUSE I WANT YOU TO BELIEVE IN ME.
[RITA] YOURE NOT A GOD. TAKE MY WORD.
THIS IS 12 YEARS OF CATHOLIC SCHOOL TALKING.
[DORIS] I COULD COME BACK IF YOURE NOT READY.
[PHIL] HOW DO YOU KNOW IM NOT A GOD?
[RITA] OH, PLEASE!
[PHIL] HOW DO YOU KNOW?
[RITA] ITS NOT POSSIBLE!
(whispering: ) [DORIS] ILL COME BACK.
DORIS.
THIS IS DORIS.

HER BROTHER-IN-LAW
OWNS THIS DINER.
SHES WORKED HERE SINCE SHE WAS 17.
MORE THAN ANYTHING
SHE WANTS TO SEE PARIS BEFORE SHE DIES.
[DORIS] OH, BOY, WOULD I.
[PHIL] THIS IS DEBBIE KLEISER AND HER FIANCEE.
[DEBBIE] DO I KNOW YOU?
[PHIL] THEYRE SUPPOSED TO BE GETTING MARRIED
TODAY
BUT DEBBIE IS HAVING SECOND THOUGHTIS.
[DEBBIES FIANCEE] WHAT? !
[RITA] LOVELY RING.
[PHIL] THIS IS BELL.
HES BEEN A WAITER SINCE HE LEFT PENN STATE. HE
LIKES THE TOWN, HE PAINTS TOY SOLDIERS AND HES
GAY.
[BILL] I AM.
[PHIL] THIS IS GUS.
HE WISHES HE STAYED IN THE NAVY.
[GUS] I COULD HAVE RETIRED ON HALF-PAY AFTER 20
YEARS.
[RITA] IS THIS SOME TRICK?

[PHIL] MAYBE THE REAL GOD USES TRICKS.

MAYBE HES NOT OMNIPOTENT.
HES BEEN AROUND SO LONG HE KNOWS EVERYTHING.
[RITA] OKAY. WHOS THAT?
[PHIL] THIS IS TOM. HE WORKED IN THE MINE.
[RITA] AND HER?
[PHIL] THATS ALICE, FROM IRELAND SHE LIVED IN EERIE.
[ALICE] HES RIGHT.
[RITA] AND HER?
[PHIL] NANCY. SHE MAKES NOISES LIKE A CHIPMUNK
WHEN SHE GETS EXCITED.
[NANCY] HEY!
[PHIL] ITS TRUE.
[RITA] HOW DO YOU KNOW THEM?
[PHIL] I KNOW EVERYTHING.
IN FIVE SECONDS, A WAITER WILL DROP A TRAY. FIVE,
FOUR
[RITA] THIS IS NUTS.
[PHIL] OKAY?
[RITA] OKAY, THATS ENOUGH.
[RITA] WHAT ABOUT ME, PHIL?
DO YOU KNOW ME TOO?
[PHIL] YOU LIKE PRODUCING

BUT YOURE HOPING FOR MORE THEN CHANNEL 9,

PITTSBURGH.
[RITA] WELL, EVERYONE KNOWS THAT.
[PHIL] YOU LIKE A BOATS, BUT NOT THE OCEAN.
YOU GO TO LAKE IN THE SUMMER WITH YOUR FAMILY.
THERES A WOODEN DOCK
AND A BOATHOUSE WITH BOARDS MISSING FROM THE
ROOF AND A PLACE YOU CRAWLED UNDERNEACH TO BE
ALONE. YOURE A SUCKER FOR FRANCH POETRY AND
RHINESTONES.
YOURE VERY GENEROUS.
YOURE KIND TO STRANGERS AND CHILDREN WHEN YOU
STAND IN THE SNOW
YOU LOOK LIKE AN ANGEL.
[RITA] HOW ARE YOU DOING THIS?
[PHIL] I TOLD YOU.
I WAKE UP EVERY DAY RIGHT HERE
RIGHT IN PUNXSUTAWNEY, AND ITS ALWAYS FEBURARY 2
AND THERES NOTHING. I CAN DO ABOUT IT.
IF YOU STILL CANT BELIEVE ME, LISTEN: IN TEN SECONDS
LARRY IS GOING TO COME THROUGH THAT DOOR
AND TAKE YOU AWAY FROM ME, BUT YOU CANT LET HIM.
[RITA] LARRY?

[PHIL] PLEASE, BELIEVE ME.

YOUVE GOT TO BELIEVE ME.
[LARRY] YOU GUYS READY?
WE BETTER GET GOING
IF WERE GOING TO STAY AHEAD OF THE WEATHER.
[LARRY] WHATS THAT?
[RITA] IF WERE GOING TO STAY AHEADE OF THE
WEATHER.
MAYBE IT REALLY IS HAPPENING.
I MEAN, HOW ELSE COULD YOU KNOW SO MUCH?
[PHIL] THERE IS NO WAY.
IM NOT THAT SMART.
[RITA] MAYBE I SHOULD SPEND THE REST OF THE DAY
WITH YOU US AN OBJECTIVE WITNESS,JUST TO SEE WHAT
HAPPENS.
[PHIL] GEE, THIS SOUNDS LIKE A SCIENCE PROJECT.
CONCENTRATE.
YOU GOT TO WANT IT.
YOUVE GOT TO WANT IT, RITA.
OH, COME ON.
ITS MORE IN THE WRISTS THAN
THE FINGERS.
YOU JUST GOT TO

whistles tunelessly
whistles tunelessly
laughs
BE THE HAT, COME ON, GO.
BE THE HAT.
[RITA] IT WOULD TAKE ME A YEAR TO GET GOOD AT THIS.
[PHIL] NO. SIX MONTHS, FIVE HOURS A DAY AND YOUD BE
AN EXPERT.
[RITA] IS THIS WHAT YOU DO WITH ETERNITY?
[PHIL] NOW YOU KNOW.
THATS NOT THE WORST PART.
[RITA] WHATS THE WORST PART?
[PHIL] THE WORST PART IS THAT
TOMORROW, YOU WILL HAVE FORGOTTEN ALL ABOUT
THIS AND YOULL TREAT ME LIKE A JERK AGAIN.
[RITA] NO!
[PHIL] ITS ALL RIGHT. I AM A JERK.
[RITA] NO, YOURE NOT.
[PHIL] IT DOESNT MAKE ANY DIFFERENCE.
IVE KILLED MYSELF SO MANY TIMES
I DONT EVEN EXIST ANYMORE.
[RITA] WELL, SOMETIMES, I WISH I HAD A THOUSAND
LIFETIMES. I DONT KNOW, PHIL.

MAYBE ITS NOT A CURSE.

IT JUST DEPENDS ON HOW YOU LOOK AT IT.
[PHIL] GOSH, YOURE AN UPBEAT LADY.
[RITA] I WANT YOU TO KNOW, ITS BEEN A REALLY NICE
DAY FOR ME.
[PHIL] ME TOO.
[RITA] AND MAYBE, IF ITS NOT TOO BORING WE COULD
DO IT AGAIN SOMETIME.
[PHIL] I HOPE SO.
[RITA] YOURE STILL HERE.
I THOUGHT YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO DISAPPEAR OR I WAS,
OR SOMETHING.
[PHIL] NOT UNTLL 6:00.
[RITA] OH! YOU RAT!
[PHIL] I NEVER SAID MIDNIGHT.
[RITA] YOU KNEW I WAS WAITING FOR MIDNIGHT.
[PHIL] DOES THIS MEAN YOURE GOING TO LEAVE?
[RITA] NO.
[PHIL] GOOD.
[RITA] OKAY.
[RITA] OH, IM SORRY.
[PHIL] THATS ALL RIGHT.
YOU CAN FALL ASLEEP.

I PROMISE I WONT TOUGH YOU

[RITA] HMM
[PHIL] MUCH.
[RITA] THATS ALL RIGHT.
IM IM NOT TIRED.
WHAT WERE YOU SAYING?
[PHIL] I THINK THE LAST THING THAT YOU HEARD WAS,
ONLY GOD CAN MAKE A TREE.
[RITA] MMM.
[PHIL] WHAT I WANTED TO SAY WAS
I THINK YOURE THE KINDEST, SWEETEST, PRETTIEST
PERSON THAT IVE EVER MET IN MY LIFE.
IVE NEVER SEEN ANYONE
THATS NICER TO PEOPLE THAN YOU ARE.
[RITA] HMM
[PHIL] THE FIRST TIME I SAW YOU, SOMETHING HAPPENED
TO ME. I NEVER TOLD YOU, BUT
I KNEW THAT I WANTED TO HOLD YOU AS HARD AS I
COULD.
(sighing)
I DONT DESERVE SOMEONE LIKE YOU.
BUT IF I EVER COULD
I SWEAR, I WOULD LOVE YOU FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.

[RITA] DID YOU SAY SOMETHING?

[PHIL] GOOD NIGHT, RITA.
[RITA] GOOD NIGHT, PHIL.
**Then put your little hand in mine
Cause there aint no hill or mountain we cant climb Babe
I got you, babe
I got you, babe.**
Deejay #1: Okay, campers, rise and shine
and dont forget your booties, cause its cold out there.
Deejay #2: Its cold out there every day.
What is this, Miami Beach?
Deejay #1: Not hardly.
UH..?
(gasping)
**STRIKE UP THE MUSIC
THE BAND HAS BEGUN
THE PENNSYLVANIA POLKA
PICK OUT YOUR PARTNER AND JOIN IN THE FUN THE
PENNSYLVANIA POLKA
IT STARTED IN SCRANTON, ITS NOW NUMBER ONE**
[PHIL] WHO WANTS COFFEE?
GET IT WHILE ITS HOT.
[RITA] OH, THANKS, PHIL.

[PHIL] LARRY?
SKIM MILK, TWO SUGAR.
[LARRY] YEAH. THANKS, PHIL.
[PHIL] PASTRY?
[RITA] NO, WERE SETTING UP.
[PHIL] PASTRY, LARRY? TAKE YOUR PICK.
[LARRY] THANKS, PHIL.
RASPBERRY. GREAT.
[PHIL] I WAS TALKING WITH BUSTER GREEN, THE HEAD
GROUNDHOG HONCHO. IF WE SET UP OVER HERE, WE
MIGHT GET A BETTER SHOT.
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
[RITA] SOUNDS GOOD.
[PHIL] LARRY, WHAT DO YOU THINK?
[LARRY] YEAH, LETS GO FOR IT.
[RITA] GOOD WORK, PHIL.
[PHIL] MAYBE WELL GET LUCKY.
LET ME GIVE YOU A HAND WITH THE HEAVE STUFF.
NO, NO, NO. YOU GOT YOUR COFFEE.
ILL GET IT.
[PHIL] WE NEVER TALK, LARRY.
DO YOU HAVE KIDS?
[PIANO TEACHER] YES?

[PHIL] YES, ID LIKE A PIANO LESSON, PLEASE.

[PIANO TEACHER] IM WITH A STUDENT, BUT COME BACK
TOMORROW
[PHIIL] WELL, I KIND OF WANT TO GET STARTED.
I COULD GIVE YOU $1,000.
[PIANO TEACHER] COME ON IN.
(playing C scale)
[MAN] MORNING!
OFF TO SEE THE GROUNDHOG.
[PHIL] BON JOURND, SIGNORE.
[MAN] YOU THINK ITS GOING TO BE AN EARLY SPRING?
[PHIL] WINTER, SLUMBERING IN THE OPEN AIR WEARS ON
HIS SMILING FACE A DREAM OF SPRING, CIAO.
[MAN] CIAO.
(playing arpeggios haltingly)
[RITA] PHIL!
[PHIL] RITA, HI.
HEY, LAR, HI.
HOWS SHE LOOK?
[RITA] GREAT.
[PHIL] THANK YOU.
[LARRY] DID YOU KNOW HE COULD ICE SCULPT?
[RITA] NO.

(playing La Bouree Du Celibataire) NOT BAD, MR. CONNORS.

[PIANO TEACHER] YOU SAY THIS IS YOUR FIRST LESSON?
[PHIL] YES, BUT MY FATHER WAS A PIANO MOVER, SO
[NED] PHIL? PHIL CONNORS, I THOUGHT IT WAS YOU.
[PHIL] NED RYERSON.
[NED] YES.
[PHIL] I HAVE MISSED YOU SO MUCH.
I DONT KNOW WHERE YOURE HEADED
BUT CAN YOU CALL IN SICK?
[NED] UH
I GOT TO GET GOING.
UH ITS GOOD TO SEE YOU, PHIL.
[PHIL] HELLO, FATHER.
LETS GET YOU SOMEPLACE WARM, ALL RIGHT?
[OLD MAN] YOU
[PHIL] YEAH. YEAH, REMEMBER ME?
[NURSE] SIR, ARE YOU THE ONE WHO BROUGHT THE OLD
MAN IN?
[PHIL] MM-HMM. HOW IS HE?
[NURSE] WELL, HE JUST PASSED AWAY.
[PHIL] WHAT DID HE DIE OF?
[NURSE] HE WAS JUST OLD.
IT WAS JUST HIS TIME.

[PHIL] I WANT TO SEE HIS CHART.

EXCUSE ME.
[NURSE] UM, SIR
SIR, YOU CANT COME IN HERE.
SIR, THIS IS A RESTRICTED AREA.
[PHIL] WHERES THE CHART?
[NURSE] SOMETIMES, PEOPLE JUST DIE.
[PHIL] NOT TODAY.
ITS HARD DOWN THERE AT THE BOTTOM.
[WAITRESS] HERE YOU GO.
[PHIL] THANK YOU.
COME ON, DAD.
COME ON, POP. COME ON, POP.
COME ON, COME ON, COME ON, BREATHE.
BREATHE, POP.
BREATHE, POP!
A Long , Lustrous Winter
[PHIL] WHEN CHEKHOV SAW THE LONG WINTER
HE SAW A WINTER BLEAK AND DARK AND BEREFT OF
HOPE YET
WE KNOW THAT WINTER IS JUST ANOTHER STEP IN THE
CYCLE OF LIFE.
BUT STANDING HERE AMONG THE PEOPLE OF

PUNXSUTAWNEY AND BASKING IN THE WARMTH OF THEIR

HEARTHS AND HEARTS I COULDNT IMAGINE A BETTER
FATE THAN A LONG AND LUSTROUS WINTER.
FROM PUNXSUTAWNEY, ITS PHIL CONNORS.
SO LONG.
NICE SPEECH, PHIL. VERY NICE.
[PHIL] THANKS.
HOW WAS THAT FOR YOU TWO?
[LARRY] HEY, MAN, YOU TOUCHED ME.
[PHIL] THANKS, LARRY.
THANK YOU.
I GOT TO GO, OKAY.
[RITA] PHIL, THAT WAS SURPRISING.
I DIDNT KNOW YOU WERE SO VERSATILE.
[PHIL] I SURPRISE MYSELF SOMETIMES.
[RITA] WOULD YOU LIKE TO GET A CUP OF COFFEE?
[PHIL] ID LOVE TO.
CAN I HAVE A RAIN CHECK?
IVE GOT SOME ERRANDS IVE GOT TO RUN, OKAY?
[RITA] PHIL
ERRANDS? WHAT ERRANDS?
I THOUGHT WE WERE GOING BACK.

[PHIL] HEY, HOLD IT, FELLA!

(yelling)
(groaning)
[PHIL] WHAT DO YOU SAY? WHAT DO YOU SAY?
WHAT DO YOU SAY, YOU LITTLE BRAT?
YOU HAVE NEVER THANKED ME.
ILL SEE YOU TOMORROW.
MAYBE.
(groaning)
(THREE OLD WOMEN)
NOW WHAT?
YOUVE TOTALED IT.
ITS ONLY A FLAT TIRE.
JUST BE PATIENT.
WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO?
ITS AN EARTHQUAKE.
ITS NOT AN EARTHQUAKE.
WHAT IS IT?
OH, THANK YOU, YOUNG MAN.
[PHIL] ITS NOTHING, MAAM.
I HAD THE TIRE AND THE JACK.
JUST BE COMFORTABLE, ALL RIGHT?
BE A MINUTE.

(OLD WOMEN)
WHO IS THAT?
MUST BE FROM THE MOTOR CLUB.
[WOMAN] OH, MY GOD, HE IS HAVING A HEART ATTACK.
DO SOMETHING.
AN AMBULANCE, A LAWYER, ANYTHING.
OH, MY GOD.
(gasping)
[PHIL] I THINK THAT DID IT.
(panting)
IF YOURE GOING TO EAT STEAK
GET SOME SHARPER TEETH, ALL RIGHT? ENJOY YOUR
MEAL.
[WOMAN] OH, THANK YOU.
[MAN] WHO WAS THAT? IM FINE.
[WOMAN] ARE YOU SURE?
[MAN] OH, YES.
EAT, EAT, EAT.
Larry: PEOPLE JUST DONT UNDERSTAND WHAT IS
INVOLVED IN THIS. THIS IS AN ART FORM.
YOU KNOW, I THINK MOST PEOPLE JUST THINK
I HOLD THE CAMERA AND POINT IT AT STUFF
BUT THERE IS A LOT MORE TO IT THAN JUST THAT.

WOULDYOU BE INTERESTED IN SEEING THE INSIDE OF

THE VAN?
[NANCY] OH, YOU KNOW
I REALLY HAVE TO GET BACK TO THE PARTY.
[LARRY] GREAT IDEA. ILL GO WITH YOU.
LET ME JUST DROP A TIP HERE. OKAY.
[LARRY] RITA, HI. HOW ARE YOU?
RITA, THIS IS NANCY.
[RITA] HI.
[NANCY] HI.
[LARRY] WE WERE JUST GOING TO THE PARTY.
YOU GOING TO GO?
[RITA] YEAH, SOUNDS LIKE FUN.
MAYBE WE SHOULD CALL PHIL.
[NANCY] I THINK. HES ALREADY IN THERE.
[LARRY] GREAT.
(boogie-woogie piano playing)
(music stops)
(applause)
(playing ballad)
(playing jazz)
(playing rock)
[PIANO TEACHER] ISNT HE GOOD?

[RITA] HES GREAT.

[PIANO TEACHER] HES MY STUDENT.
IM SO PROUD.
[PHIL] THANK YOU.
HELLO. WELCOME TO OUR PARTY.
[RITA] I DIDNT KNOW YOU COULD PLAY LIKE THAT.
[PHIL] OH, IM VERSATILE.
(slow dance music playing)
[OLD WOMAN] ITS THAT NICE YOUNG MAN FROM THE
MOTOR CLUB. THANK YOU AGAIN.
[PHIL] ITS NOTHING, LADIES.
[OLD WOMAN] HES THE FASTEST JACK IN JEFFERSON
COUNTY.
[RITA] WHAT WAS THAT ALL ABOUT?
[PHIL] I REALLY DONT KNOW.
THEYVE BEEN HITTING ON ME ALL NIGHT.
[WOMAN] THERE YOU ARE.
MM-MMM.
I NEVER THANKED YOU PROPERLY FOR WHAT YOU DID
FOR BUSTER.
HE WOULD HAVE CHOKED FOR SURE.
[PHIL] WELL, HE MAY HAVE.
HE WAS TRYING TO SWALLOW A WHOLE COW.

[MAN] I OWE YOU ONE, BUDDY.

[WOMAN] HANG ONTO HIM, DEAR.
HES A REAL FIND.
[RITA] WHAT DID YOU DO TODAY?
[PHIL] OH, SAME OLD, SAME OLD.
[FRED] EXCUSE ME, MR. CONNORS.
[PHIL] HEY, FRED, HOW WAS THE WEDDING?
[FRED] THANK YOU FOR MAKING DEBBIE GO THROUGH
WITH IT.
[PHIL] ALL I DID WAS FAN THE FLAME FOR YOU, FRED. YOU
[DEBBIE] ARE THE BEST.
[PHIL] NO, YOU ARE THE BEST.
RITA, THIS IS DEBBIE AND FRED KLEISER.
HERE YOU GO, KIDS.
CONGRATULATIONS.
[DEBBIE] WHAT IS THIS? NO WAY.
[FRED] WRESTLEMANIA! NO WAY!
[DEBBIE] YES!!
HOW DID YOU KNOW?!
WERE GOING TO BE IN PITTSBURGH.
[FRED] THANK YOU, MR. CONNORS, YOURE A REAL PAL.
[DEBBIE] OH, THIS IS THE BEST.
[RITA] I DONT UNDERSTAND.

[PHIL] UH, YEAH, I GUESS NOT.

[RITA] HOW DOES EVERYONE KNOW YOU? YOU COME
ONCE A YEAR AND YOURE THE MOST POPULAR PERSON
IN TOWN.
[OLD WOMAN] DR. CONNORS, THANK YOU FOR FIXING
FELIXS BACK. HE CAN EVEN HELP AROUND THE HOUSE
AGAIN.
[PHIL] IM SORRY TO HEAR THAT, FELIX.
[RITA] DR. CONNORS?
[PHIL] ITS KIND OF AN HONORARY TITLE.
[RITA] WHAT IS GOING ON?
[PHIL] I REALLY DONT KNOW.
[RITA] THERE IS SOMETHING GOING ON WITH YOU.
[PHIL] WOULD YOU LIKE THE LONG VERSION OR THE
SHORT?
[RITA] LETS START WITH THE SHORT AND GO FROM
THERE.
[BUSTER] OKAY, FOLKS. ATTENTION.
ITS TIME FOR THE BIG BACHELOR AUCTION. NOW, YOU
ALL KNOW THE RULES.
ALL THE ELIGIBLE BACHELORS COME DOWN IN FRONT
AND YOU LADIES, YOU BID ON THEM.
YOU GET TO DO WHATEVER YOU WANT WITH THEM NO

QUESTIONS ASKED!
I DONT WANT TO KNOW, AS LONG AS ITS LEGAL. SO GET
OUT YOUR POCKETBOOKS.
AND REMEMBER, ITS ALL FOR CHARITY.
[DORIS] PHIL.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING DOWN HERE?
GO ON, GET UP THERE.
I GOT TEN BUCKS THAT SAYS YOURE MINE.
HEY, BUSTER, I GOT YOUR FIRST VICTIM.
[BUSTER] PHIL CONNORS, COME ON UP HERE.
( band playing fanfare )
ALL RIGHT, NOW, WHAT AM I BID FOR THIS FINE
SPECIMEN?
[OLD WOMAN] FIVE DOLLARS.
[BUSTER] THE BIDDING HAS BEGUN AT FIVE DOLLARS.
[NANCY] TEN DOLLARS.
[DORIS] FIFTEEN.
[NANCY] TWENTY.
[DORIS] TWENTY-FIVE.
[NANCY] THIRTY.
[DORIS] THIRTY-FIVE.
[NANCY] FORTY.
[DORIS] FORTY-FIVE.

[NANCY] FIFTY.
[DORIS] FIFTY-FIVE!
[NANCY] SIXTY.
[BUSTER] IM BID 60. DO I HEAR MORE?
[RITA] 339.88.
( crowd gasping )
( applause )
[BUSTER] I DONT THINK.
WERE GOING TO ACCEPT ANY MORE BIDS.
I THINK THATS SOLD TO THE LITTLE LADY FOR 339.88.
( hammer pounds )
[BUSTER] CONGRATULATIONS.
Buster: OKAY, BACHELORS, WHOS NEXT?
( burlesque drumbeat plays )
ALL RIGHT, NOW, WHAT AM I BID FOR THISGUY? DO I
HEAR A BUCK AND A HALF?
ANYBODY?
75 CENTS?
[OLD WOMAN] I BID TWO BITS!
[BUSTER] SOLD TO THE LADY FOR 25 CENTS.
[OLD WOMAN] I GOT HIM! OH!
[NED] PHIL? PHIL CONNORS?
I THOUGHT THAT WAS YOU.

[PHIL] RITA, THIS IS NED RYERSON.

HES MY NEW INSURANCE AGENT.
[NED] ILL SAY.
I HAVE NOT SEEN THIS GUY FOR 20 YEARS.
HE COMES UP TO ME AND BUYS WHOLE LIFE, TERM,
UNIFLEX FIRE, THEFT, AUTO, DENTAL, HEALTH WITH THE
OPTIONAL DEATH AND DISMEMBERMENT PLAN WATER
DAMAGE.
THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
[PHIL] MINE TOO.
[RITA] MINE TOO.
[NED] WHERE ARE WE GOING?
[RITA] OH, LETS NOT SPOIL IT.
[NED] OH! LETS NOTOHI GOT THAT.
( meows )
A Woman Face in the Ice
[RITA] WHY CANT I LOOK?
[PHIL] BECAUSE YOU BOTHER ME, A LOT.
[RITA] IM GETTING COLD.
HOW MUCH LONGER DO I HAVE TO SIT HERE?
[PHIL] IM GIVING YOU YOUR MONEYS WORTH.
YOU PAID TOP DOLLAR FOR ME.
[RITA] WELL, I THINK YOU WERE A BARGAIN.

[PHIL] ITS SWEET OF YOU TO SAY.

YOURE PROBABLY RIGHT.
[RITA] IS IT FINISHED YET?
[PHIL] ALMOST. I STILL HAVE TO PUT SOME CHERRY SYRUP
ON THE TOP AND THEN WE CAN EAT IT.
[RITA] COME ON. IM FREEZING.
[PHIL] LET ME TURN IT INTO THE LIGHT.
[RITA] ITS AMAZING.
ITS BEAUTIFUL.
HOW DID YOU DO THAT?
[PHIL] I KNOW YOUR FACE SO WELL.
I COULD HAVE DONE IT WITH MY EYES CLOSED.
[RITA] ITS LOVELY.
I DONT KNOW WHAT TO SAY.
[PHIL] I DO.
NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS TOMORROW OR FOR THE
REST OF MY LIFE IM HAPPY NOW
BECAUSE I LOVE YOU.
[RITA] I THINK IM HAPPY TOO.
(RADIO)
Babe
I got you, babe

I got you, babe

They say our love wont pay the rent
Before its earned, our moneys all been spentoh,
please, not again.
That is a great song.
No, its not.
[RITA] MMMITS TOO EARLY. OOH.
[PHIL] SOMETHING IS DIFFERENT.
[RITA] GOOD OR BAD?
[PHIL] ANYTHING DIFFERENT IS GOOD.
[RITA] MMM
[PHIL] BUT THIS COULD BE REAL GOOD.
WHY ARE YOU HERE?
[RITA] I BOUGHT YOU.
I OWN YOU.
[PHIL] BUT WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE?
[RITA] YOU SAID STAY, SO I STAYED.
[PHIL] I SAID STAY, SO YOU STAYED?
[RITA] MM-HMM.
[PHIL] I CANT EVEN MAKE A COLLIE STAY.
I GOT TO CHECK SOMETHING.
JUST STAY.
JUST STAY.

THEYRE GONE.
THEYRE ALL GONE.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT TODAY IS?
[RITA] NO. WHAT?
[PHIL] TODAY IS TOMORROW.
IT HAPPENED.
YOURE HERE.
[RITA] IM HERE.
OOH, PHIL, WHY WERENT YOU LIKE THIS LAST NIGHT?
YOU JUST FEEL ASLEEP.
[PHIL] IT WAS THE END OF A VERY LONG DAY.
IS THERE ANYTHING I CAN DO FOR YOU TODAY?
[RITA] IM SURE I COULD THINK OF SOMETHING.
Phil: ITS SO BEAUTIFUL.
LETS LIVE HERE.
WELL RENT TO START.
** WHAT A DAY THIS HAS BEEN
WHAT A RARE MOOD IM IN
WHY, ITS ALMOST LIKE BEING IN LOVE
THERES A SMILE ON MY FACE
FOR THE WHOLE HUMAN RACE
WHY, ITS ALMOST LIKE BEING IN LOVE
ALL THE MUSIC OF LIFE SEEMS TO BE

LIKE A BELL THAT IS RINGING FOR ME

AND FROM THE WAY THAT I FEEL
WHEN THAT BELL STARTS TO PEAL
I WOULD SWEAR I WAS FALL
SWEAR I WAS FALLING
WHY, ITS ALMOST LIKE BEING IN LOVE. **
( calypso-pop intro )
PREDICTIONS SHOW
A STEADY LOW
YOURE FEELING JUST THE SAME
BUT SEASONS COME
AND SEASONS GO
ILL MAKE YOU SMILE AGAIN
IF YOU DONT BELIEVE ME, TAKE ME BY THE HAND CANT
YOU FEEL YOURE WARMING UP?
YEAH, IM YOUR WEATHERMAN
COLD WINDS BLOWING
SNOWING, DRIVING EVERYONE INSIDE
HARD RAINS FALLING
HARD RAINS FALLING
PITTER PATTER DOWN YOUR WINDOWPANE
IF THIS INVITATION IS SPOILING ALL YOUR PLANS JUST
CALL INFORMATION UP

CAUSE IM YOUR WEATHERMAN

ITS JUST THE WEATHERMAN
WHEN ITS COLD OUTSIDE
CALL YOUR WEATHERMAN
WHEN ITS COLD OUTSIDE
I CAN WARM YOU UP
ITS JUST THE WEATHERMAN.
ITS JUST THE WEATHERMAN.