UndertheSpotlight

MikaylaElliot

Icanseethetinyparticlesofdustfloatinginandoutofthespotlights.Ishift
fromonelegtotheother,asmy5inchheelssqueezemyfeetwhileItapmyfoot
tothemusic.Thefreezingtemperaturebackstagesendschillsupmyspine.My
goosebumpsdevelopnotonlyfromthetemperature,butfromtheunsettlingfear
thatiswellingupinsideofmeasthesecondstickonandon,closertothemoment
yettocome.Irubmyfingersonmyneck,wipingawaythesweat.
16measures,4
bars,3rdbeat,down,dontforgettosmile
.Thisthoughtplayedonrepeatinmy
mind.

Myfearintensifiesinsideofmeasthestrikeofthethirdchorusreturnsinfull
circleofthesongthemusicianswerecurrentlyplaying.Thedrummerlooksatme
stageleftashebounceshissticksonthedrumheads.Inmidstickflip,hepasses
meathumbsupinencouragementbeforecatchingthedrummingutensilinhis
handonceagain.Itisnthelpingmuch.
Igriptheneckofmybass,stomachchurningandhandsperspiring.Iwiped
myfingertipsonmysnowwhitedress,attemptingtoregulatemyheavybreathing.
1,050peoplewerecomingtotheshowtonight.Iconsideredwhowasinthe

audience,waitingformetoenterthelight.FiveofAmericastopgrammynominee
hornplayers,twoofAmericasmostidolizedbluessingers,threeofAmericastop
jazzrecorddealers,twofamousradioshowhosts,andthreeofAmericasmost
aspiredandinfluentialbassplayers.Theywereallwaitingformetoenterthe
stage,seekingasinglemomentofamateurityfromme.

Aragingapplausefilledthetheaterasthesongcametoaclose.Thesound
engineerandthehostoftonightsshowgivemethegreenlight,preparingmefor
mycue.Mystomachchurnsandmychestbeginstoheatup.Iballmyhandintoa
fist,closemyeyes,andletoutonemoresinglebreath.

Pleasewelcome,mydaughter,Mikayla!Thecrowdscreamstomydads
statementonthemicrophone.Helooksatmestageleft,noddingwithasmileas
hissweatdripsdownhisfaceafterplayinganhourofsaxophone.

Backstraight.Walkwithgrace.Tiltofthehead,flickofthehair.Avoidcords.
Trippingisbad.Remembertobreath.Smile.Smile.Smile
,isplayingonrepeatin
mybrain.Iwalkbriskly,yetwithgrace.Iwalkinmyheelswithaslightbounce,to
giveacute,fluffyeffectinmydressandcurledhair.Iflashmyradiantspotlitsmile

towardstheaudience.Awws,whistles,andcheerfulscreamsaregiveninreturn
withanapplause.
Everythingbeforethismomenthasbeenpracticedandrehearsedwith
constantcritiqueandrevision.Ihaveplayednumerousshowsbeforethisoneover
thepast4years,andhavebeengivenplentyfeedbackofhowIshouldcreatea
certainpresenceonstageinthisindustry.Youlooktoonervous!,Youdont
smileenough!,Youneedtoputyourbodyintothemusic!,Whydoyoualways
lookboredwhenyouplay?haveallbeensaidtomefartoomanytimes.Butthere
wassomethingdifferentaboutthisyear.Somethinginsideofmewasnew.
Emotionally,Ihavegrowninstrangewaysasnotjustaperson,butasayoung
woman.Myperspectiveontheworldandoflifehavenotonlychangedme,butmy
musicwaswell.Overtheyears,Ihavelearned,andnowIhaveprepared.

Myfatherhadoncetoldme,Yourpresencecreatesanimpactwhenit
comestoperformingmusic,especiallyasabassistintheJazzindustry.Youcan
playthemostintricate,mostbeautifullywrittenpieceinfrontofanaudience,butif
youdonotputyouremotionsandyourpassionintoyourmusic,itwillneverbe
perceivedthewayitismeanttobe.Youraudiencewontrespond.Youneedto
becomethenotes.Youneedtobecomethesongitself,theinstrumentitself.You
needtobethemusic,Mikayla.Passthepassion,love,andemotionyouhave

throughyourmusic,andyouraudiencewillperceive.Thatishowyoubecomea
truemusician.

Theapplauseandscreamscease.Thestagelightsturnintoabluehue,
settingthemoodforthesolosongIamabouttoplayformyaudience.Iamfront
centerstage,underthesinglespotlight.AlthoughIcanonlyseeshadowsunder
thelight,Ifeelall1,050pairsofeyesonme.Iclosemyeyesunderthelight,and
takeinthemomentofsilence.One.Two.Three.Four.

Thesong,ARemarkYouMadebytheold80sbandWeatherReportisa
rarespecimen.WeatherReportwasaJazzFunkfusionband,leadbythe
legendarybassistJacoPastorious.Jacowrotehissongswithsuchintricacy,detail,
andwithsomuchemotion,thatitispracticallyimpossibletoduplicateashowJaco
playedthem.ARemarkYouMadewasoneofthemostdeepandintricatesongs
Jacohadeverwritten.ThesongwasaballadthatcontainedsomuchofJacos
sadnessandangerhehadovertheentiretyofhislife.AllofJacosdepression,
worries,fears,anger,repent,andremorsewereallcompiledintoonesong,
creatingamasterpieceofhumanemotiontranscribedintomusic.Itcouldneverbe
playedthesameasJaco,buttonightIwasgoingtotry.

Allofmyfearandworriesdissipatedbythestrikeofmyfirstnote.Iam
enteringmyownworldnow.Theaudienceandtheirexpectationsareallwhite
noise.Theydonotexist.Iconnectmyselfinharmonywiththepianist,drummer,
andmydadplayingthesaxophoneasIslidemyfingersupanddowntheneckof
mybass,releasingthehummsandgrowlsofmyinstrument.Throughmyevery
note,Iexpressmyself.Italkaboutmyworriesthroughthefirstchorus.Through
thesecondandthirdverse,ItalkaboutthepathsIhavetakenthroughoutmylife,
thedecisionsIhavemadeinmyyoungeryears.Intothefourthverse,Itellstories
ofmyfailuresandlosses.ItalkofconflictsandargumentsIhaveshared,howI
havethoughtaboutgivingup.AsIreachthefifthverse,Idepictthewavesof
emotions,myupsanddowns,andhowIhadtobringmyselfoutofthedumpsfrom
timetotime.ThoughonceIreachthesixthandseventhverse,Ibegintotell
storiesofmysmalltriumphs,aboutthehappytimesthatoccurredduringthesad
times.ItellofmyhopesasItellofmyfears.WhenIfinallyreachthefinalchorus,I
tellthetalesofmydreamsandaspirations.ItelloftheloveIhave,mypassions,
andthehappinessIcontain.Iexpressmygratitudeandmyhumbilityoflifeand
everythingitself,andofhownothingcanbringmedowninthisworldbecauseIwill
alwaysreachformygoals.ThatIwillbreakdowneveryobstacleandwall,andwill
finallyreachthatfinishline.Thatnothingwillstopmefromreachingthatspotlight.

MyeyesarestillclosedasIplaythefinalnoteofmy7minuteballad.Asmy
eyesopen,tearsrolldownmycheeks.Theroomissilentforonlyafew
milliseconds.Ilookoveratmydadonthestage.Hissmileiseartoear.Ilook
downattheaudiencemembers.Iwidenmyeyesindismay.Everyoneinthefront
rowaredabbingtheirfaceswithkerchiefsandtissuesastearsstreamedfromtheir
eyes.Isquintedmore,andsawthatmostoftheroomhadtearsintheireyes.
Everyonessmilingastheycry.Theroombeginstoroar.Everyoneisstanding,
handsclappingintheair.Icanhearmynamebeingshoutedthroughoutthe
crowd,followedbywhistlesandcriesofjoy.Iturntomybandmembers,whoare
allsmilingandclappingalongwiththeaudience.Iflashmysmile,butthistimeit
heldnofear,onlytrue,realhappiness.Itrottedtomydad,givinghimatight,
sweatyhug.MytearsrollontohisshirtasIhearhimsay,Youwerebeautiful,
honey.TheapplausecontinuedasIwalkedofthestage,wipingmytearsasI
smiletotheaudience.

Musicistheuniversallanguage.Itissomethingthateveryoneintheworld
canconnectto.Storiesandlessonscanbetoldofallsortsthroughmusic,andit
canalwaysbeunderstoodwhengiventheemotionandpassiontoprovidethe
musicthesoulandlifethatitneeds.Theartistneedstobecomeonewiththeir
musictheyplay.Thatnight,Ibecameonewithmymusic.EventhoughIwasnot

legendaryJaco,Iplayedthatsongwithallofmylifeandsoul,givingthesonga
newmeaningtotheaudience.Onethatwaspersonaltomeandtomyownlife.
Throughmypassion,Iwasabletotouchtheheartsofmylisteners.Theycould
understandthestoriesItoldthroughmymusicasclearlyasspokenlanguage.I
stillexperiencethefearofthepettythings.Thefearofmessingupanote,orthe
fearoflookingscaredoruncomfortable.ThoughnoneofthatmatterswhenIam
playingmymusic,whenIbecomesoimmersedintowhatitisIamplaying,
becauseIampassionateaboutmymusic.NomatterhowmuchImessup,orhow
amateurIam,musicisapartofwhoIamandwhoIalwayswillbe.AllIcandois
growonmymistakes,becauseintheend,themusicIplaywillstillalwaystouch
thosewholisten,becauseIaminlovewithmusic.Thespotlightinmyheartwill
neverfadeaway.