Brooklynn Early English 144B

My name is Brooklynn Early and I am a

freshman at CSUN. After this semester, I will
have completed my first year of college. I am
very outgoing and enjoy doing things outside
my normal comfort level. My major is
Psychology. After graduating from CSUN, I
hope to go into PharmD school to hopefully
become a pharmacist. I love to laugh and meet
new people. I try to accept new challenges with
optimism.

Essay #1 Project Space Essay

Our first graded essay of the semester
was apart of an ethnography of
exploring and analysing different
public spaces. My partner and I
choose the Northridge Fashion Center
to examine. My essay is about the
many elements that are used to attract
customers to shop. I also delve into
the many reasons that people go to
the Northridge Fashion center and
validate it with the responses I
gathered while interviewing people.
The importance of this assignment
was to understand the impact that
places has on the community and
what motivates people to occupy the
space.

Essay #1 Revisions
I had to make a lot of revisions to this
essay. There was so much information
to include that I lost track of what my
thesis was. In my essay, it seemed as
though there was more than one thesis
statement. So in my revised essay, I
introduced my sources as well as
properly cite them. Also I changed my
thesis to accommodate the information
in my essay. Lastly, I explained some of
the statements in my writing to make
more sense and better go along with the
rest of my essay.

Essay #2 Hyper-sexualization of Culture

This essay topic was the most
interesting to me. Our assignment
was to use research to determine
if our hypersexualized society has
a negative or positive impact on
society. In my essay, I discussed
how our hypersexualized society
has blurred the lines between
objectifying women and female
empowerment. I clearly defined
objectification and the impact
hypersexuality has had on how
women are seen today. As a
women, it was very easy to relate
to this essay.

Essay #2 Revisions
I did a lot better on this essay then I did on
my first essay. The revisions that I made
centered around grammar and introducing
my sources. I had a lot of minor grammar
issues that I fixed and I went back and
introduced my sources. In my first essay, I
also had to work on introducing my
sources. I also had more than one idea in
one paragraph, so I made new paragraphs.

Strengths/Weaknesses
My writing has definitely improved from last
semester and even from when I first entered Kubler
s class last semester. I still have a very long way
when it comes to perfecting my writing. However, I
noticed that my MLA formatting has improved and I
have it pretty much memorized now. Also I have
gotten a lot better with my quote sandwiches. In
fact, I believe my quotes are the strongest in my
essays. I am able to introduce a quote and make
sure that I explain its relevance to my claims and
statements. My introductory paragraphs have
increased in length and I have been utilizing Kubler
s guide to writing a strong introduction paragraph.
On the hand, my weakness still exist. I really need
to work on introducing my sources and sticking to
one claim. I need to narrow down my thoughts and
make sure that they are cohesive. I tend to confuse
my reader sometimes. I should start outlining my
essays better and more detailed.

The most important thing I

learned this semester: