GrowthasaPoet

EmilyVierling

GoingintothisprojectIhadaclearobjectiveinmindofwhatmypoemwouldvoicetothepublic.
ThroughoutthisprojectIhaveseenmyperspectiveonwargrowfrombeinganideatobecominga
sophisticatedopinion.WhenIfirstbeganwritingIintroducedthescene,thebattlefield,EyesdartasI
lookacrossthebattlefield,Heartpulsing,readytoripoutofmychest.OriginallyIwantedmyideato
circulatearoundthelifesoldiersexperiencedonthebattlefieldandthehorrortheyexperienced.
However,afternumerousconferenceswithmypeersandwithLori,Idecidedtoaltermyideatomake
itmorecomplexandoriginal,thereforedevelopingthemessageIvoiceinmypoem.Insteadof
immediatelyintroducingthebattlefieldIdecidedtostartwithanexcitement,anexcitementthatmy
characterhadtogotowarandtofightforhiscountry,
Theenlistingofficerlooksdownatmewitha
glower,Iamproud,Icanserve
.Determinationinthecharacterwasakeyfactorinmypoembecause,
eventhoughtheturnwasgradualIwantedittobeevident.Toseesuchstrongdeterminationturninto
defeatwouldreallymakethatturnstandout,
Thispromisedglorysuddenlyseeminglikeacheapcopy,
AsIsitinthecorner,myhonorisnolonger
.Myperspectivehasbecomemorerealthroughoutthis
processandmoresophisticatedinmywriting.Thedifferencebetweenmyfirstdraftandseconddraftis
immenseinvocabularyandsophistication.Myperspectivehasgrownfrombeingasimple
interpretationIhadfromthefirstsemesterwarprojecttobecomingsomethingthatIampassionate
aboutthatIwanttosharewiththepublic.

ThefirstmajorchangeImadefrommyfirstdrafttomyfinalwasthesophisticationofmywriting.
ThroughoutthedraftsIplayedwithvocabularyanddifferentphrasingtogivethathintof
sophistication.Myfirstdraftrepresentsmyworkwhenideasfirstcametomind,forinstance,
Anexplosionblasts,WhereIstoodashortwhileago,Thecriesofhelpcomeinshortbursts,
Irunfromthehorrifyingwalls,Curlinginacorneremptyingmysorrow
.Eventhoughthismayseem
sophisticatedinthecontextofmyfirstdraft,thegrowthofmypoeticwritingwouldshowthisphraseas
asophisticatedyetsensorypartofmypoem,
Thewallscavein,CoveringthefootprintsIhadmade
secondsago,Thescreamspiercetheair,Awailingbansheeindespair,Bestowinguponmethefeeling
ofsorrow,Hidingfromthereality,Istepbackwithuneasystepstoandfro.
ProcessJournalsreally
helpedmetogrowintheserevisions.Theymotivatedmetoreallymakethesephrasesgrowin
sophisticationandfluency.Mypoemsuddenlybecamesomethingthatthereadercouldconnectto.Not
achildishparable,buthadgrowntoastrongandemotional
poem
.Ithinkmypoemnowhasa
sophisticatedelement,seriouslyconveyingmypassionatemessagetothepublic.

Ialsoaddedsensorytomypoem.InthebeginningIwasfocusedmoreongettingmymessageacross
ratherthanaddingtheelementofexperienceforthereader.However,frommanydifferentcritiquersI
receivedfeedbackonmyimageryandsensorylanguageallurgingmetoaddmore.Sensoryand
imagerydefinitelymademymessageshinethroughbecauseifthereaderexperiencedtheexperiences
thecharacterwasgoingthrough,itwouldmakeiteasiertoaltertheirviewonwar.Frommyfirstdraft
youcanclearlyseethatmysensorylanguagewasnotuptopar.Itwasmissingtheelementofmeaning
andsophisticationforthatsensetoreallyshinethroughinmywriting,
Mymindbecomesarevolving
door,Circlingthememoriesroundnround,Warsuddenlybecomesmycore,Isworeitwouldbecome
abore,But,thereisnowaytofightoffthememoriesofatour.
InthisstanzaIattemptedto

incorporatearhymescheme,butitsoundschildishandthesensorylanguageisnotthere,thereader
cannotconnectwithwhatmycharacterisexperiencing.ThroughoutmydraftsIcontinuedtogrowthis
stanzapiecebypiecemakingsure,bytakingfeedbackfrommypeersandLori,thatIwasincorporating
sensorylanguageandthatthereadercouldexperienceandrelatetowhatmycharacterwasenduring,
Mymindbecomesarevolvingdoor,Circlingthememoriesroundnround,Warsuddenlybecomes
mycore,Screamingandracing,Takingovermysoul,Warisyourfriendandenemyforlife,Andthere
isnowaytofightoff,Thememoriesofthrowingthatknife
.Ithinkthatthissensorylanguagehelped
thereadertounderstandthefeelingthatmycharacterwasexperiencing,beingovercomebytheburden
ofwartothepointofwhereitconsumedhim.IincludedacertainmemorybecauseIfeelthataddeda
senseofremembrance,almostsotheaudiencecouldrememberthatspecificactionaswell,connecting
themtothecharacter.Ifeellikethissensorylanguagealsomadetheemotionalconnectionstrongeras
well.Anemotionalconnectionisimportantespeciallyformypoembecauseitcirclesaroundan
emotionaltopic.Ifeellikethesensorylanguageputmyaudienceinthecharactersshoesgivingthema
senseoftheenvironmentmycharacterwasin.Overall,Ifeellikethesensorylanguagehasmadethe
poemmorerelatable.Anunderstandingofwhatthecharacterisgoingthroughisneededinorderto
interpretthemessageofthepoemandIfeellikesensorylanguagehelpstoobtainthatunderstanding.

Thelastthingissymbolism.ThroughoutthispoemIneededtoincorporatemanyofmyideasinto
symbolstoaddanelementofcomplexitytomypoem.InmyfirstdraftIwasntparticularlyinterested
inaddingsymbolismtomypoem,howeverthroughouttheprocessofwritingmypoemIrealized
poetryissymbolism,itisanalternative,morecomplex,waytoexplainyourpointormessage.Inmy
firstdrafttheendinghadnoclearsymbolisminit,itwasjustadraftofwhatthisstanzawouldevolve
into,
Thefiveninesflyingoverhead,Ammoobliteratingourjail,yetoursafetysimultaneously,The
radianceofglorysuddenlyseeminglikeacheapcopy,AsIsitinthecorner,myhonorisnolonger.
ThroughfeedbackandconferencesIwasabletodevelopsymbolsthatcouldbederivedthroughthe
contextofmypoem,thereforeproducingthis,
Becomingapileofrags,Diminishingbeneaththe
burdenofwar,Thispromisedglorysuddenlyseeminglikeacheapcopy,AsIsitinthecorner,my
honorisnolonger.
Becomingapileofragsrepresentshowmycharactersselfisdiminishing.
Disappearingintosomethingthatnoonepaysattentionto.Itrepresentsthemomentwhereheawakens
andfindsthatheisjustapawninagameamongsomanyothersjustlikehim.Warisalteringhim,
changinghim.Thispromisedglorysuddenlyseeminglikeacheapcopyrepresentstheglorythatwas
promisedtohim,theglorythathewassoexcitedforwhenhefirstbeganthejourneyinwarsuddenly
breaks.Itisnolongerusableforhedoesnotwantthegloryforwhathehasdone.Symbolismaddsa
levelofcomplexitytomypoem,givingtheaudienceachancetodigdeeperandderivethemeaning
fromthesesymbols.Emotionally,itaddsthechancetoreallyconnectandunderstandthepoemgiving
itadeeperemotionalmeaning.Overall,Ithinksymbolismreallyhelpsmypoemtohaveadeeper
meaningandconnectiontothosewhohaveorhavenotexperiencedthis.