Wastelands III: The Beast

Mono and Alina land in an underground river. They are swept away in the rapids. The rocks are mossy
but sparkle. Eventually, they end up on an underground beach with black sand.
Pretty, says Alina.
Thanks, says Mono.
Not you, replies Alina. The beach is beautiful. She stands up and shakes her hair. She then
rearranges her pants. Damned sand is everywhere.
Im fine, says Mono. If you need help
Not a chance in, wait, were not in Hell, right? asks Alina.
Not at the moment, no, replies Mono.
Not a chance in Hell, says Alina, gruffly. Now turn around. I have to fix myself. Mono complies.
Abaddon starts coughing and spitting out sand.
The only good thing about being a head is Ive no lungs; I didnt drown, thanks for that. Still, I have a
tongue, and let me tell yousand is not appetizing. He spits again.
Done, replies Alina.
Shall we continue, suggests Mono.
We shall, replies Alina. They turn to walk when they hear a high-pitched voice singing.
I will love you as the dawn loves the horizon, and never leave you at dusk; I am the shine of stars, the
glow of moons, and fires of the sun, sings the voice.
My God, a love song, says Alina.
We should follow the song. Could get us somewhere, suggests Mono.
You just think its a siren; some beautiful woman calling you, says Alina.
I am the most beautiful, unclothed one for you; come to me, my love, and Ill let you have me
forever, sings the voice.
We must go, commands Mono. We cant leave a poor, naked woman with a voice like that here to
die. Im going, says Mono. He walks forward and Alina sighs.
Fine, but if she is the monster, Im going to have to let her eat you, says Alina. Mono pauses for a
second before he continues. They walk along until they come to a large, open area. In the center is a

naked man, frolicking on top of the water. He is performing a ballet as he sings in a falsetto voice.
My rod is your staff to grip and polish; my wand will warm you like the finest rum. Come with me,
my love, and we will become one, he sings.
Thats one ugly woman, says Abaddon. Mono looks down at him and laughs. He turns back to Alina.
Thats all yours, he says, laughing.
No, thank you, replies Alina. The singing man sees them and rushes over to them.
You have found me! I am the prize, and my body is the trophy. I am yours to claim, says the naked
man. My name is Bacch. He smiles and tiptoes over to Mono. He throws his arms about Monos neck
and whispers, take me, lover, into his ear. Mono screams and throws his arms off him. Bacch
suddenly seems stern and serious.
What is the meaning of this, shouts Bacch aggressively.
Im sorry. I thought you were a beautiful, naked woman. Im not, well, you know, says Mono.
You reject my Godly gifts! If you do not take me, then I take you. If you do not devour my love, I
shall devour yours! Youve come this far. You have your choice: love me or join the scraps.
You mean the bone pile? asks Alina. Bacch nods.
So we have to, you know, or youll eat us? asks Mono. He thinks for a moment. Has anyone ever
accepted your love?
None. Youd be the first, answers Bacch. Alina gestures at Mono to sleep with Bacch. Mono shakes
his head.
Will you eat us all, or just me? asks Mono.
Usually just you, but today Im especially hungry, answers Bacch.
Just do it, prude, says Abaddon. Mono looks down at Abaddon angrily. Mono gulps.
Would I be, he says before he gulps again. Would I be giving you your love or, well, receiving it.
Bacch smiles. Always receiving. Mono falls to his knees and starts to cry.
Please, dont let the naked man with the pretty voice take advantage of me, he cries while tugging
pathetically at Alinas pant leg. She pushes him off.
Look, either you take one for us all, or we all take one for you, says Alina. Seems like an easy
choice. Mono stands up.
Okay, Ive made my decision, says Mono. Bacch smiles.

And your decision is, says Bacch, extending his hand.

Its, says Mono pausing. Its, he repeats. Look! he yells, pointing behind Bacch. The trick
doesnt work. Damn, says Mono. He starts swaying back and forth. Suddenly, he grabs Alina and
shoves her into Bacch. Then, he starts running away in a awkwardly as if he had to much to
drink.Take her, offers Mono.
Whatd you do that for? asks Abaddon.
Thanks, you idiot! yells Alina in the distance.
Got us away, didnt I, says Mono.
You are an idiot, says Abaddon. Mono stops running. He arrives at a dead-end.
Shit, says Mono.
What now? asks Abaddon. Mono shrugs.
I really just sort of hoped hed eat her, be full, and wed get away. His shoulder is tapped. He turns
around to find Alina there. She punches him in the face. He falls in the water.
Youre an ass. Whatever happened toplease, dont leave me? she asks.
I panicked, answers Mono. Bacch is running on the water upriver. He is approaching at a quick
speed. Shit, says Mono. He looks perplexed. Howd you get away? asks Mono.
I just said you were shy and playing hard to get. Besides, he told me he isnt a woman kind of God,
says Alina, smiling.
Please, help me! Dont let him take me or eat me or both! cries Mono.
Really, you're asking me to help you aftertake her, says Alina.
I panicked! I didnt mean anything by it, says Mono.
You didnt know he wouldnt have eaten me! says Alina.
It was a risk, says Mono.
Well, now what are you gonna do? asks Alina.
Probably be raped by a God, says Mono. He begins to cry. Alina sighs before diving into the river.
Maybe theres an underground exit, she suggests. They both dive under. In the distance, Alina can see
a tunnel. She points to it. They began to swim, but Mono is tugged away right before the entrance.
Bacch is embracing him and kissing his neck. Mono begins to scream.
No! shouts Mono.

On the contrary, says Bacch. Yes!

No, no ,no ,no ,no! shouts Mono.
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, says Bacch, kissing Mono on the face each time he states yes. Suddenly, he
begins to scream and blood fills the pool. Alina comes up for air. She takes a breath, grabs Monos
hand, and dives under. They go through the tunnel and find themselves in an area with a whirlpool.
They hear Bacch crying loudly in the distance.
What did you do? asks Mono, catching his breath. He sits down.
Lets just say he now has a reason to sing in such a high pitch, replies Alina.
Thanks, and sorry about before, says Mono.
I forgive you. Next time though, I'll make sure you're the one singing like that, says Alina, smiling.
Mono nervously and clumsily gets to his feet. They walk over to the whirlpool. Two men are sitting and
playing chess.
Excuse me, asks Alina. The first old, bearded man shushes her. He moves a rook.
Foolish move, says the other old man, clean-shaven.
Ah, shut up and take your turn, says the first old man.
No need to rush, says the clean-shaven man.
Excuse me, says Alina. The other old man answers her this time.
Yes? he asks.
First of all, who are you, and, secondly, how did you get down here? asks Alina.
Thats Odysseus. Im Ulysses. And I know youre gonna ask about the whirlpool. It leads you back to
the place youd least want to go.
Damn, says Mono. Im going to end up back there with Bacch.
Bacch, laughs Odysseus. Is he still calling himself that? I swear, a one night stand with Bacchus and
that boy thinks he can be a demi-god.
Who is he really? asks Alina.
Paris, says Odysseus. And yes, the stories are wrong. Paris was in love with Menelaus. I mean his
mother say a flaming torch in a dream when he was born; what's that tell you? Anyway, wars happen.
However, people dont like tales like thattoo pagan, so they went with Helen instead.
Why havent you tried to escape? asks Mono.

First of all, we like chess, answers Jason. Secondly, as we said before, the whirlpool takes you to the
place you least want to go. Id end up back on my ship with those idiots instead of home with my
wife.
Id end up at home with my wife at Ithaca, says Odysseus, laughing.
You dont want to be with your wife, asks Alina.
I strive to seek, to find and not to yield; my wife always makes me yield.
Thats kind of funny, says Abaddon. You both dread going where the other one would love to go.
Thats funny.
I dont like your squirrel much, says Odysseus. He grabs Abaddon and throws him in the whirlpool.
Abaddon! shouts Mono. He jumps in and quickly goes underwater.
You going after them? asks Ulysses.
Regrettably, she answers as she dives in.
The water tugs her, pulls her, sways her. She shuts her eyes. Soon, she pops up out of a small oily
puddle. She tries to breathe but chokes, not from water but from the air. She is in a small wooded area;
the trees are bare and dying. Some of them are scorched. She overhears two homeless men who are
sitting on rotten tree stumps shouting at one another.
Here we are: between two rocks, yells the first.
A gallows of sorts, screams the second.
Whose neck was stretched?
Hagbard: a brutal oaf.
I never understood his people: pillaging, ravaging, reaping, raping, burning, taking.
Id love to do that, but Ive got a bad knee.
Do I know you?
I am Hagbard, the vile glutton: I consume the fires of virgins hearts, reveals Hagbard.
Ah, but never Signy. You had her faith, but never her love, insults the nameless homeless man.
If you were any other man, Id tear the spirit from your breast.
I am who I am.

Vladimir?
Of course not. He's been dead for centuries. I am Rimidlav. Rimi for short. You know that, points out
Rimi.
Alina pulls herself out of the puddle. The sky is filled with clouds; it is raining ash. Thousands of
smokestacks of all sizes can be seen in the distance as if mountains. She does not see Mono or
Abaddon. She does not like this particular world. Beyond the woods, there are plains full of weeds and
dead earth. A giant meat-processing factory is not far. A small diner is connected to it.
Excuse me, have you seen a crazy thin pale man with a dead squirrel recently? she asks.
A visitor! shouts Hagbard.
Why are we dressed in rags? asks Rimi.
I thought we were dressed in riches. Stevens! Both men look over the shoulders and wait for
someone to come over. No one does.
Left alone again, mutters Rimi.
Stevens! Where is my butler? asks Hagbard, frantically.
Perhaps the rats have eaten him, answers Rimi, pointing to a half-eaten dead man on the ground
about ten feet away. Alina did not notice him before; she throws up.
Is that really him, asks Hagbard.
Either him or him, answers Rimi, pointing to another mostly-eaten body near the other one.
Alina wipes her mouth, gets to her feet, and grabs Rimi.
Answer me! Where are my friends?
She's direct; I like her, jokes Rimi.
Well, I don't. Figments are always popping up and causing us grief. Leave us be! says Hagbard
gruffly.
Put me down, and I'll give you directions, declares Rimi. Alina complies. He brushes off his chest
though he is exceptionally dirty. You smudged my jacket! I'll have to deal with that I suppose.
Anyway, your friend went over to The New Meat Market.
Thanks, shouts Alina as she runs off towards the diner.
You didn't tell her about the cows. You should have told her about the cows! says Hagbard.
She'll find out soon enough, and why are you suddenly trying to protect her? I thought you didn't like
her.

She just takes some getting used to. Besides, we never get any visitors. Is it time? asks Hagbard.
It is,replies Rimi. Both men take out rusted blades and play fight. Soon, they begin to cut into each
other until they are stabbing each other over and over. They continuously laugh as they fall to the
ground.
Good game, gurgles Hagbard.
Fuck off, bubbles Rimi.
You always were a sore loser.
Same time tomorrow, whispers Rimi.
Same time, answers Hagbard. Both men bleed out and stop breathing. The ashes soon cover their
bodies.
Alina is halfway to the diner; soon she will learn all about the cows.