WRITER (AUTHOR) Danny

TITLE OF PIECE: IJWBA

EDITORS NAME: Ashruth

DATE OF EDITING:

PAPER DESCRIPTION:
WRITING GENRE: Explanatory
WRITING STAGE: Draft #2
Qusetions About Titles

No

Somewhat

Does title fist what the piece is

Yes

Comments/Suggestion

s
Good title that

about?

describes your papers

content.

Is title a grabber? Does it

make a reader want to read the
piece?
Questions About Leads

No

Somewhat

Yes

Comments/Suggestion
s

Does the lead bring the reader

right into the piece, into the
main ideas or action?
Can the first paragraph be cut?

The second par.? The first page?

Questions About Information No
Is enough information

Somewhat

Yes

Comments/Suggestion
s
Paragraphs could be

included?

longer with more

Does the piece show, not tell, by

detail.
Good attempt at

using examples?

sharing not telling but

more descriptions and
examples will benefit
paper.

Are thoughts and feelings told

at the points where readers will
wonder?
Is it clear where, when, and

with whom this is happening?

Is there enough detail and

description of the setting and

people so that readers can see it
happening?
Are there any parts that confuse

the reader? Has the writer

explained each part well
enough?
Does this piece need

conversation? Did people talk?

Has the writer directly quoted
the words they said?
Is there too much info. In the

More information

piece? What parts arent

could actually

needed- dont add to the point

or story? Can they be deleted?
Is there more than one story in

this piece? Is the writer having

difficulty focusing on one
story?
Is there too much conversation?

Too many fussy details? Is too

much explained?
Questions About Style

No

Has the writer cluttered the

Somewhat

Yes

Comments/Suggestion
s

piece with unnecessary

adjectives and adverbs?
said something more than

says

once which detracts from the

piece?
Is there a word that is repeated

too often?
Are there any sentences too

says

The sentences are often

long and tangled? Too brief and

too brief. Use more

choppy?
Has the writer paragraphed

sentence variety.

often enough to give the

readers eyes some breaks?
broken the flow of the piece

by paragraphing too often?

Is the information in order? Is

the sequence in which things

happened?
Has the writer grouped together

ideas related to each other?

Does the verb tense stay the

Good grouping of
ideas

same- present (its happening

now) or past (it happened in the
before)?
Does the voice stay the same-

first person participant (I did it)

or third person observer (he or
she did it)?
Questions About Conclusion

No

Does the concl. drop off and

leave the reader wondering?

Does the concl. go on and on?
Does the reader know

Somewhat

Yes

Comments/Suggestion
s

Good attempt but your

something at the end of the

conclusion should tie

piece? Does this conclusion do

your essay back

it?
Does the reader feel something

together.

at the end of this piece does this

concl. do it?

Overall Strength(s):
Good title
Good ideas
Good contrast between the two authors
Overall Weakness(es):
Sentence structure variety lacking
Repetition of a few words
Ideas not fully developed