Maloney 1

Grace Maloney
Ms. Thompson
AP Lang Block 1, Skinny B
May 18, 2015
MLK DAP
Detailed Analysis Page- Privileged Rights
In order to make a cogent argument on the prompt, I had several strengths in my
writing for a most effective paper. First, I had a very strong introduction paragraph. Since
the prompt is centered on a quote from Martin Luther King Jr.s Letter from a
Birmingham, my in- depth background information of the historical context is
appropriate and plausible in the situation. In addition, I had very good examples for my
first two body paragraphs on the Civil Rights movement and the classic novel, The Lord
of the Flies, each paragraph complete with substantiated evidence to connect the
examples to the thesis. On the other hand, I had a weak first sentence (Everyone grows
up learning that privileges are given, thy are earned). Unable to create a good hook in
the first 40 minutes as well as the two edits that soon followed, the essay still opens with
boring background information and is in need of a good hook.
I really liked my unique analysis and perspective on this prompt through the use
of the Civil Rights movement and Lord of the Flies. I also really liked my fluid and
simple organization that made the paper easy for the reader to understand. However, I did
not like my third body paragraph example on the personal experience with the
classmates and I could just give up our luxury of home computers (the privilege) in
order to make everything fair and equal, nor the third paragraph in general.

Maloney 2