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  • Revision Document wp2

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    The document summarizes revisions made to a paper based on feedback from a professor. It includes a table with 4 columns: 1) text from the original submission, 2) feedback or questions received, 3) changes made in response, and 4) how the changes impact the paper. The writer received feedback that a paragraph was too long and overwhelming. They revised it by chopping it up into smaller segments for easier reading. In another section, they reorganized the paper to integrate sources and ideas more cohesively instead of listing them separately. The goal of the changes was to make the paper easier for the reader to understand.

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    revision document wp2

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    The document summarizes revisions made to a paper based on feedback from a professor. It includes a table with 4 columns: 1) text from the original submission, 2) feedback or questions received, 3) changes made in response, and 4) how the changes impact the paper. The writer received feedback that a paragraph was too long and overwhelming. They revised it by chopping it up into smaller segments for easier reading. In another section, they reorganized the paper to integrate sources and ideas more cohesively instead of listing them separately. The goal of the changes was to make the paper easier for the reader to understand.

    Copyright:

    © All Rights Reserved
    Download as DOCX, PDF, TXT or read online from Scribd
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    Download as docx, pdf, or txt
    13 views3 pages

    Revision Document wp2

    Uploaded by

    api-287932968
    The document summarizes revisions made to a paper based on feedback from a professor. It includes a table with 4 columns: 1) text from the original submission, 2) feedback or questions received, 3) changes made in response, and 4) how the changes impact the paper. The writer received feedback that a paragraph was too long and overwhelming. They revised it by chopping it up into smaller segments for easier reading. In another section, they reorganized the paper to integrate sources and ideas more cohesively instead of listing them separately. The goal of the changes was to make the paper easier for the reader to understand.

    Copyright:

    © All Rights Reserved
    Download as DOCX, PDF, TXT or read online from Scribd
    Flag for inappropriate content
    Download as docx, pdf, or txt
    of 3

    Text from my

    initial WP
    submission:
    (a phrase,
    sentence,
    paragraph,
    idea, move,
    punctuation,
    piece of
    evidence, etc.)

    An observation
    or question I
    received from De
    Piero or a
    classmate:

    The change(s) I
    made to what I
    initially wrote:
    (ie, the change[s]
    I made to column
    1)

    How this
    change
    impacts my
    paper:

    From:

    This comment is in
    reference to the
    whole paragraph:

    Ive revised the


    paragraph to see
    how I can chop it
    up into different
    segments. Ive
    also made sure it
    was easy for the
    reader to
    understand and
    flow with the
    certain
    adjustments I
    made.

    By doing so, I
    will not be
    overwhelming
    the reader with
    a jumble of
    words that
    explains certain
    aspects of
    things.

    For the
    biological
    approach, a
    publication from
    the Pigment
    Cell Research

    When I see this


    even before I start
    readingI think,
    Ahhhhhhh!
    Attack of the
    page-long
    paragraph!

    has a certain
    style to

    See if you like this


    metaphor:

    introduce the
    Pretend your whole
    paper is a big, juicy
    evolution of skin steak. Do you
    want your reader
    to enjoy that steak
    pigmentation.
    in easy-to-chew,
    digestable bites?
    Or do you want
    them to start
    eating the whole
    thing in one piece
    (think: zombie).
    subject of

    Paragraphs are like


    those bites. Give
    your reader your

    argument in little,
    digestable, oneidea-at-a-time bits.

    Readers need to be
    able to see the
    different
    parts/pieces/bites
    of the argument
    that theyre
    chewing on.
    (The whole
    paper)

    Young, Im
    wondering if your
    paper would
    benefit from restructuring the
    organization.
    Instead of

    Source #1
    Source #2
    Source #3

    Could your
    paper/argument
    unfold a more
    integrated/interwo
    ven way if you did
    something like:

    Idea #1 (sources 1,
    2, 3)
    Idea #2 (sources 1,
    2, 3)
    Idea #3 (sources 1,

    Ive tried to
    reorganize my
    paper to see if it
    flowed better
    when I matched
    certain ideas.

    Before, most of
    the paragraphs
    were long and
    overwhelming
    and did not
    really seemed
    organized, but
    now, I hope it is
    easier for the
    reader to read
    and does not
    have to be lost
    in all of the
    wordiness of
    this piece.

    2, 3)?

    Whole paper

    . I also think you


    need to address
    moves which
    was an explicit
    part of the
    assignmentI
    didnt see it in
    hear once.

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