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Andrea Gaw

Dr. Bridgesmith

ICM 5003

February 09, 2010

My Personal Philosophy of Conflict Management

Conflict is a fundamental and inescapable fact of human life. From the

beginnings of recorded history, conflict has shaped people, events, and societies in

deep and significant ways. In fact, two of the best-known Biblical stories of conflict - (1)

Adam and Eve and (2) Cain and Abel - are both found in the very first book of the Old

Testament, which clearly shows the central role of conflict in human relations. However,

just because conflict plays a prominent role in human affairs does not mean that it is

well understood. Quite to the contrary, conflict management falls into that category of

subjects that is so pervasive that most people do not realize that one can study,

formalize and practice it as an art and science. All people experience conflict in their

respective lives, and they handle these experiences in different ways, so they naturally
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conclude that they know how to “manage conflict.” Of course, this conclusion is

incorrect. A systematic approach to conflict management can improve anyone’s ability

to manage conflict in a more efficient, successful, and positive manner.

My personal philosophy of conflict management took shape in a class I am

taking. I am learning useful theoretical models, formal systems, and empirical-based

processes that show repeatedly that they produce the best outcomes for all interested

parties. The remainder of this paper will focus on four of these pieces of information: (1)

the STAR Approach to facilitated conflict resolution; (2) the formal System Designs

approach to planning and conducting conflict management processes; (3) the Going

Below the Line process for addressing the deeper issues found in any negotiation; and

(4) the importance of knowing one’s own natural tendencies so that they are

manageable and produce unbiased outcomes. The four pieces combine form the

important foundation to my personal philosophy of conflict management.

The first important concept that shaped my personal philosophy is the five-stage

STAR Approach to facilitated conflict resolution, which is an ordered process for

conducting a mediation or negotiation session. The acronym STAR stands for Stage,

Task, Action, and Result, and each of these categories breaks down the different stages

of the conflict management session into small, manageable steps. Each stage has its

own associated Task, Action, and Result, and the goal of the STAR approach is to

accomplish the specific result of each stage before moving on to the next stage.
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Facilitating conflict resolution, may move seamlessly through the five-stages much like a

baseball game. Sometimes the mediator can move quickly through the bases to reach

home plate, other times it takes a little longer, and regardless, starting over doesn’t

automatically guarantee a win. The final goal, of course, is to build these small positive

results into a successful negotiation.

The first stage of the STAR approach is “Convening,” which intends to

accomplish the task of gathering all the interested parties involved and committed to the

process. This task is achieved by creating a safe environment. This can be

accomplished by informing the parties and inviting them to engage in a positive

constructive process. Ideally, the result of this stage is to have won willingness from all

the key decision-makers to work toward a negotiated solution to the conflict. At that

point, the next two stages of the approach - “Opening” and “Communicating,” work to

open and improve dialogue between the parties. The mediator uses techniques and

skills to help the disputants work toward an agreement or settlement, as opposed to

accepting an imposed settlement by a third party. The ultimate scenario is that the

parties start to have a feeling of hopefulness and are expressing their concerns and

needs in a constructive mature manner. Additionally, it is important for the mediator at

this stage, to convey a genuine and sincere interest in the person and what they are

saying, as well as to avoid the appearance of being bias. The fourth stage of the

approach - “Negotiating,” calls for the mediator to be flexible and innovative. This stage
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seems the most challenging and exciting. Knowing within a split second the appropriate

dispute resolution technique to employ or which, way to move the next chess piece,

takes practice and skill which is an ongoing learning process. The last stage of the

approach is “Closing.” If the mediator has met the parties objectives and concerns, then

they are ready to make an informed decision. Consequently, closing requires mastering

the other four stages.

The second concept I found to be interesting, and informative, is the formal “System

Designs” approach to planning and conducting conflict management processes in the

workplace. This tool is designed to help leaders and managers be pro-active in

implementing systems to deal with the complex ethical issues that can occur in the day-

to-day realities of leading and managing people. With the current legal system becoming

too costly, employees and employers are recognizing the importance of creating and

fostering a safe environment for raising concerns in a neutral environment. The System

Design process should also include encouraging employees to share in the decision-

making process at the lowest possible level, provide a positive feedback loop to foster

ideas, and promote a cooperative spirit to problem solving. System Design establishes

a sufficient structure and accountability to ensure issues are addressed and resolved

within an organization. This approach enables an organization to build trust, foster

communication, routinely take advantage of ideas and information, even unwelcome

information, from throughout its ranks. In effect, this approach requires management to
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normalize the act of raising a concern and shifting organizational culture toward

managing rather than avoiding or suppressing conflict. This is done through a

systematic approach to conflict management. Additionally, the System Design

implementation and initial assessment to managing an organization’s disputes,

consist of five consecutive steps. These components are the fundamental process to

resolving complex problems within an organization.

They include:

1. An assessment and examination of the types of conflict they are experiencing;

2. informing key decision makers about various conflict resolution options and tools,

and then proceeding to design the system that they deem to be appropriate;

3. start implementation of the detailed System Design;

4. evaluate the process of the System Design;

5. modify the design based on the results from the evaluation;

Moreover, conflicts and disagreements are a fact of life for most communities, societies

and organizations, and for the people who live and work in them. Disputes may be

among or between departments, employees, and supervisors or the company and its

customers or other members of the public. These examples are only a few reasons for

having a comprehensive understanding of how to manage disputes and bring them to a

successful resolution.
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The third concept I found to be enlightening, is the “Going Below the Line” process

for addressing the deeper issues found in any negotiation. The following four steps

resonate with me the most from class discussions, speakers, and role playing. I believe

that the four steps below provide the mediator with a solid foundation to begin their role

in various disputes.

They Include:

(1) A successful mediator begins with “preparation;”

(2) “clarify the problems” between the parties;

(3) seek areas of “agreement” that are allowed to be shared between the disputants;

(4) “problem-solve” finding solutions to resolve conflict through positive

reinforcement, (Mirroring back what they say in a non-judgmental way).

I want to take the opportunity to share some of the information, I learned through my

experiences in a Conflict of Management Survey class.

Each of the lectures and speakers reinforced the need for adequate “preparation” for

a successful mediation. Preparation provides the parties a level of comfort that the

mediator, at least outwardly, shows confidence in addressing their issues. This initial first

impression is very important because the first part of a mediator’s job is to build trust.

The opportunity to build trust starts when a mediator introduces herself, and continues

to describe in detail her role, how mediation works including privacy and confidential

issues, and the ground rules of the session, which each party agrees upon. One of the
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responsibilities of mediators is in the way they present themselves. Their tone of voice,

their body language, and the words they use, can affect the parties involved in a

calming or distressing manner. The second responsibility of a mediator is to clarify the

problems between the parties. A skilled mediator, understands the way to collect

information is through asking “open ended questions.” The role of the mediator is to

discover what has happened, from the point of view of each party, and why the conflict

occurred. By asking the parties open-ended questions, the mediator enables disputants

to go below the line of what happened and how they feel, and allows the parties to

speak about the raw issues at the root of their disagreement, thus allowing them to

begin resolving their conflict. By gradually gathering information, the mediator can help

the parties have a clearer understanding of each other’s interests and needs. When the

mediator has reached the parties interests and needs, they have moved below the line

of fact finding, and to the meat and potatoes of the conflict. If the involved parties stay in

the area of arguing about their respective positions within the conflict, it is very difficult

to resolve the issues. Additionally, it is important for the mediator to have superior

listening skills. Being an active listener means that one must pay close attention to what

each party is saying. Making eye contact also reinforces to the parties that the listener is

being attentive, and respectful of their feelings.

A third important part of a mediator’s job is to seek areas of “agreement” that the

mediator may find between the disputants. There may be times when a mediator
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believes the need to meet separately with each party. These meetings are referred to as

private sessions. These sessions may be helpful in gathering information that may be

difficult or embarrassing for the parties to share with each other. The mediator, with the

permission of each party, may present the information gathered from the private

sessions, in a way that is comfortable for the involved parties, which may help resolve or

diffuse the situation. Moreover, if the mediator and the involved parties have collected all

the information they need, the process moves to the “problem solve” stage, by finding

solutions through positive reinforcement from the mediator.

An important role of the mediator at this point is to summarize the issues to be

resolved, from the information gathered, including the feelings and concerns expressed

during the session. The mediator should speak in a neutral manner and use neutral

language. Restating and reframing what is heard is a good tool to help people

understand their emotions. Finally, the mediator helps the parties resolve their conflict

by presenting different solutions to resolve their issues, until they reach a final

agreement.

The fourth topic highlights the importance of knowing one’s own natural tendencies

so that one can manage to produce unbiased outcomes. Life experiences that one

encounters can produce biases that favor one party over another. If not managed

adequately, these experiences can have a negative influence or reaction to certain types

of conflict. Mediators need to have a solid understanding of their emotional triggers. In a

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class lecture, a definition of homeostasis was described, as the tendency for all living

things to be resistance to change. The lecturer spoke about how people only change

when the pain of not changing is more hurtful than the change itself. I found these two

concepts interesting. My interpretation is that the mediator must find a way to deal with

their pain and discomfort, when faced with a situation during a mediation that may

cause previous life experiences to resurface. I can only assume, at that particular time,

one’s natural tendency would be to give unseemly advice or make inappropriate

remarks or suggestions. All of the above violates the role of a mediator. Learning how to

stay detached seems on the surface, to be cold, emotionless, and non-caring. But in

reality, a mediator is a neutral person, who helps people come to their own decisions

about how they want to resolve their conflict; your opinion about who is right or wrong

must not enter the conflict. Consequently, it is important not to take sides or play

favorites during a mediation session. For these reasons, a clear understanding of ones’s

emotional set point that causes one to react in a biased way towards a certain situation

is a critical skill to master. Fully understanding one’s natural tendencies, requires the

willingness to grow emotionally and examine those areas that cause emotional pain or

discomfort. Ultimately, this will make you a superior mediator because you will

understand and acknowledge your biases.

In conclusion, understanding the stages of conflict is important to resolving conflict.

Mediators need to be good listeners and observers, be patient and understanding and
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most of all be well balanced and unbiased to be able to see both sides of any issue.

They must have good communication skills to help each party understand the other’s

position without arousing more conflict.