Peter Pig Sketch 2

By
Donagh Humphreys

Character by Peter Weldon.

Created by Donagh Humphreys and Peter Weldon

Donagh Humphreys
Peter Weldon

donaghmark@gmail.com
peterweldon5@gmail.com

INT. BATHROOM - PETERS HOUSE - EVENING

Peter stands looking in the mirror. He takes a comb and
begins to gel a side parting into his hair.
NARRATOR
(V.O.)
Last time, we saw how difficult
life is for Peter, who suffers from
a debilitating social disorder
known as swinotransmorphia.
Peter is unhappy with the side parting and he runs a towel
through his hair to start over.
NARRATOR
(O.S.)
Are you nervous?
PETER
About the date? Yeah I suppose, I
am. I dont go on many dates,
yknow because of my condition. (he
laughs nervously)
NARRATOR
(O.S.) (and in that
tremendously patronizing way
that off screen narrators do)
Im sure it will be fine.
Peter smiles nervously.
INT. RESTAURANT - CORNER TABLE - NIGHT
Peter sits nervously at the table waiting for his date to
arrive. He checks to see if there is a smell off his breath.
He takes a little bit of fluff from his jacket. He checks
his watch.
NARRATOR
(V.O.)
With Peters sensitive condition it
is Russian Roulette looking at a
menu on a blind date, for fear it
will have a pork dish.
Peter picks up the menu like a bomb disposal expert. He
takes deep breaths as he ever so carefully peers inside. He
spots something he doesnt like the look of and slams the
menu shut. He begins to sweat, dabbing his brow. He guzzles
his glass of water and loosens the top button of his shirt.
(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

2.

Just then his date arrives.

YVONNE
Peter? Hi, Im Yvonne.
PETER
Hi.
He stands up from his chair and they embrace in the most
awkward way imaginable.
INT. RESTAURANT - A FEW MINUTES LATER
Peter and Yvonne laugh together, it looks like theyre
really hitting it off. The waiter arrives over to take their
order.
Peter looks at Yvonne as if to say "ladies first". He then
nervously swigs his water and closes his eyes in hope and
dread.
YVONNE
To start Ill have the barbecue
pork ribs, and then I cant decide
whether to have the pulled pork or
the pork pie... what would you
recommend?
Peters face is agonized. He squints his eyes closed. He
begins to hyperventilate. He is doing his thing!
He stands up from his chair and lets out a tremendous
squeal! On all fours he begins to munch on the corner of the
table cloth.
Yvonne and the waiter are petrified by the display.