Part 1

Once upon a time, Zamorak, the great lord of evil and destruction unleashed his
minions upon the villagers of the world. Many fighters from all over the lands g
athered together and attempted to slay the lord of evil himself, but many have f
ailed. After three years of constant siege and warfare between the zamorakians a
nd the Saradomin... er, peoples; one group of heroes finally managed to trap the
demon itself within the walls of old Varrock, and with one final blow, Zamorak
was defeated and banished to the very inner cores of hell, where... his wife yel
led at him for coming home late.
During the final battle, Zamorak's legendary ring, the Apocalypse Circle was sha
ttered into many pieces and scattered all over the lands. The council, who amusi
ngly call themselves Jagex, are now constantly in search of missing ring pieces
so that they can control the world.
Many years have passed since the final battle. The world is now a much more peac
eful place. The inhabitants have slowly rebuilt their towns, lives, and made pie
. Lots and lots of pie. Our story begins in a small castle outpost in the northe
rn lands. Many people would rather avoid the place due to the rumors of being sw
armed by.. "Noobs". These creatures are known to follow people around, speaking
incoherently while begging for free stuff. The place is called.... (dum dum dum)
Lumbridge.
It was a bright and sunny day in Lum... aww, forget it. No more annoying narrati
ons.
"Spirit... Spirit, wake up!"
Huh? I wasn't sure what happened. I was minding my own business picking cabbages
when some guy wearing an ugly hat decided to attack me. I was kicking his butt
really badly and then I somehow ended up in this town again. What's really annoy
ing is that I lost all my cabbages. I spent like 50 bazillion hours picking them
today, and now all that work has gone done the drain.
"Spirit!!!!!!!"
Oh yeah. This would be a good time to look around. I think I hear someone shouti
ng my name... hmm, nope. I see no one at all. Oooh, a cookie. Yum.
"Spirit!!!!!!!!!"
Maybe I should turn around. Yeah, good idea. Oh! So that's who was yelling at me
, okay. I turned around and saw Ayumi, a friend of mine that I met a few minutes
ago. Or was it last week? She's a funny person. I'm kinda jealous because she h
as 5 gold pieces more than I do. I spent every single day for the last two days
picking cabbages, and she decides to beat up a goblin and take his armor, and sh
e ended up with more money! Isn't that cheap?
"Finally. I thought you would never turn around. Look what I found, it seems to
be some kind of a treasure shard."
Ayumi held out her hand and showed me a pretty glowing thing. It was silver-ish
in color, had a broken ruby embedded in the middle, and had a strange mystical e
nergy surrounding it. It looked like one of those really cheap plastic rings tha
t you get from kicking imps.
"Let's sell it for some bronze!" I said enthusiastically.
"No, you idiot." responded Ayumi. "It looks really valuable. Why don't we take t
his to Varrock and sell it there? We're sure to get plenty of coins for it."

"And then can we buy some bronze?"

"Fine. Then we'll buy some bronze."
A new adventure is about to begin! "Dodoodododo- Ow!!"
"Stop that. It's annoying." said Ayumi.
"Fine." I agreed. We continued walking down the marble paved streets, I could se
e the general store up ahead. I stuck my hand into my backpack and pulled out a
freshly baked apple pie and began munching on it.
"Where did you get that?!?"
"I found it. It's mine, get your own."
"Share!"
"No! It's my pie, get your own!"
I began running towards the general store as fast as I could, while stuffing the
pie into my face at the same time. Ayumi was chasing me while shouting somethin
g. What's she saying anyway..?
Oh. Never mind, it wasn't nice. Guess I should keep on running.
Ayumi looked angry, her silly black wizard hat somehow managed to stay on top of
her long purple hair. Her robes were ugly though. She said she was attacked by
some shade thingie, and then she kicked it in the... um, knees and killed it. Wo
w, I sure think a lot when I'm running!
WHAM!
Ow. The stupid door ran into me. I hate doors, they're always mean to me. It did
n't hurt much though, the only bad part was I dropped the rest of my apple pie.
Now I'll be hungry and all sad and lonely and"Why you little..."
Hmm. Looks like Ayumi finally caught up with me. She runs pretty slow for someon
e wearing a funky hat.
"Well... at least we're at the general store now. Might as well get some supplie
s before we head out."
"Okay. Can I have some bronze please?"
"Fine... I'll buy you some bronze."
"I have some cabbages, I can sell them and buy myself a wooden shield."
"Whatever. Just get something useful and meet me by the furnace near the bridge.
"
"Okay." I walked off and headed towards the store owner. He usually gives me fre
e stuff, but I always have to beg a lot. He doesn't usually give out free stuff
unless I get a whole bunch of my friends and we all beg together at once. This r
eminds me of the time where this one knight walked by and he was wearing this sh
iny blue armor and we piled him. It was funny because no one ever messed with us
again. Oh yeah, I gotta buy some stuff now.
I walked over to the counter. Joe was standing nearby, he owns the store. I don'
t think he likes me very much..
"Oh my god it's Spirit again..." whispered Joe.
"Be nice. He's still a customer." said his wife.
"Ca...Ca.. Can I help you?" asked Joe in a hesitant voice.

"Yeah do you have any bronze I can have please?"

"Uh.. Sure, just a minute.."
Joe ran into the backroom and started whispering with his wife again.
"What should we do? He's gonna ask for free stuff again."
"Well... ask him if he has anything to trade."
"Good idea!"
Joe came back. He was looking kinda sweaty and nervous.
"Can I have that wooden shield on the shelf please?" I asked.
"D.. Do you have anything to trade?" asked Joe.
I started pulling stuff out from my backpack. I had some gum, a cabbage, a coin,
some pie crust, another cabbage, a piece of cheese, an air rune, some burnt shr
imp, and an ugly paper hat that I found a few years ago.
"I'll give you my ugly blue paper hat for your wooden shield." I said.
Joe took one look at my paper hat and froze. I don't think he wants it. It's onl
y an ugly paper hat, after all. But then again I'm smarter than him. If he's stu
pid enough, he'll trade me the shield.
"Take it!! Just take it and leave!!!" Joe snatched the blue paper hat right out
of my hands, threw the wooden shield at me and ran into the backroom. I guess he
was stupid enough to buy my worthless blue paper hat after all. Pfft. Who would
want a stupid hat that says "Party!" on it anyway.
I was satisfied with my trade. Suckers like Joe really make my day. I started wa
lking towards the bridge. For some reason, I couldn't help but feel slightly gui
lty about ripping Joe off. I turned around to take one final look at the town of
Lumbridge, and the general store where I had committed my cruel deed.
Wait a minute... is that Joe? He seems awfully happy for someone that just got r
ipped off... heh. He must really like the stupid hat.
"Come on, I'm not waiting for you all day!" yelled Ayumi.
"Oh, I'm coming!" I responded.
Well, a new adventure is about to unfold. I shall find treasure upon my new jour
ney, and make hundreds of coins to buy bronze with! I shall be rich!!! Mhahahhah
a!
"Shut up, Spirit."
"Yes ma'am."
Part 2
We've been walking in the woods for about three days now. Ayumi and I have decid
ed to take the shortest route to Varrock. But for some reason we took the wrong
turn about a day ago, so now we're basically lost.
"Spirit, are you sure we're going the right way?"
Oh yeah, and Ayumi doesn't realize it yet.
"We might as well make camp here. It's getting dark." said Ayumi.
"Fine." I replied.
We began unpacking our supplies, I took out a red berry pie from my backpack and
started eating it while Ayumi began chopping down the nearby trees with a mithr

il forged hatchet.
"Get off your lazy bum and help me!" exclaimed Ayumi.
I finished the rest of my pie and stuffed the dish in Ayumi's backpack. I just h
ope that she doesn't notice. I walked over to a small nearby shrub and began cut
ting it.
"What are you doing?" asked Ayumi.
"I'm cutting the tree, lol." I responded.
"You don't cut down a tree with an air rune, stupid."
"You don't?"
"Never mind. Just go back and sit there."
"Okay."
I took out a cabbage and began sniffing it. The smell of cabbage is always appet
izing. I love cabbages.
"There. That should be enough." said Ayumi. She was brought over a bundle of log
s, placed them down on the ground and took out her tinderbox.
"I wanna light the fire! Let me do it! Please please please!!!" I yelled out.
Ayumi gave me an annoyed look, then threw the tinderbox at me.
"Now strike the match slowly and carefully, you don't want to-"
OW!!!!!!!
I burnt my hand. The tinderbox doesn't work very well. I hate cheap stuff. But t
he light sure is pretty though. Ooooooh...
"Let go of the match, you idiot!"
Oh. Oh yeah, I still had the match in my hand, which would certainly explain why
my hand hurted.
"Do you like eggs, Ayumi?" I asked.
"Shhhh. There's someone here." she responded.
"Oooh! Is it a friend? I like friends!"
"Shut up, you moron. Someone's watching us... Zypharious Ventus!
A silver stream of air shot out of Ayumi's hand. The jet stream rapidly rushed t
hrough the trees, cutting leafs and branches before it finally struck something.
"Bloody...!1%$"
A shadowy figure began rushing towards us. Ayumi took out a few more runes and j
umped back, preparing to strike again.
"You... suck!!!!!!! I hates you now!!!!" yelled the shadowy figure as it plunged
towards Ayumi. A beer mug suddenly flew towards her. Ayumi was quickly to react
, and leaped away. The beer mug shattered on the ground, pieces of glass flew ev
erywhere.
"I hates you!!! My face!!! It hurtz!!!!" screamed the figure in pain. I walked
ver to it and saw a short little man wearing a steel cap, a crusty tan colored
hirt, and torn red pants. He was about 4 foot tall, and kinda ugly too. Er.. I
ean, special. Really, really special. He has a black eye, now all swollen from
he thingie that Ayumi shot at him. He has three ears, which is pretty cool. Oh
ait, the middle thing is a nose, never mind..

o
s
m
t
w

"I'm sorry." said Ayumi. "I thought you were a hostile creature, waiting to atta
ck us. I should have waited instead of acting so rashly."
"Aye, s'okay." said the ugly little man.
"Here, have some potato stew. It'll make you feel better."
"Well, I dunt want any stew. But there is something else..."
"What is it?" said Ayumi as she listened patiently.
"I'd be really glad if you could give me a wee kiss."
Ayumi now had a strange expression on her face. I think she's happy, or sad, or
scared, or both.
"You can forget it!" yelled Ayumi.
"Aww, why not? You hurt me beautiful face." asked the ugly little man.
"Oh! I know, give the ugly little man some pie instead!" I said.
"I ain't ugly!" Shouted the ugly little man. "I ain't little either! I'm a dwarf
, we're supposed to be this tall... *mumble* stoopid monkey.... Now if the prett
y lady will- Where did she go off to now?"
I turned around and saw Ayumi reaching out for something in her backpack. She to
ok out a fishing net, quickly ran to the river, grabbed something and came back.
She walked over to the ugly.. Uh, dwarf. I could tell that she had something in
her hands.
"Well... if you insist." said Ayumi. "But you gotta close your eyes."
"Oh boy, this be me lucky day!" said the dwarf as he slowly closed his eyes.
"Now pucker up!"
The dwarf had his lips in a kissing motion and began making funny sounds. "Mwa!
Kiss me, darlin'!"
"Ugh." I could tell then that Ayumi wasn't happy about this. Then she smiled. I
couldn't watch. This was too gross. I hate watching people kiss. It makes me fee
l all icky.
I opened my eyes. Nah, I wouldn't miss this. Ayumi stood far away from the dwarf
and held out a trout. She brought it towards the dwarf, and... ew. The dwarf ha
d kissed a trout. She quickly tossed the trout, and I ran towards it, managing t
o catch it. The trout's eyes were all puffed up and red. It was gasping for air,
or water, or.. Mouthwash. I released it back into the river, where it swam for
about a second, then turned on its belly and floated to the surface. I guess it
was sleeping.
"You be a good kisser." said the dwarf as he opened his eyes.
"Uh.. Thanks.." replied Ayumi as she laughed nervously.
"Well, I have decided to give you a present." said the dwarf as he held out a gr
een taco thing.
"What is it?" asked Ayumi.
"Why, it be a kebab!" said the dwarf. "Keep it on your journey, and may it come
in handy one day. It's made from camel meat, it's quite good if you ask me."
"Thanks...." said Ayumi as she hesitantly stuffed it into her bag.
Ayumi walked over to me and nudged me in the elbow.
"Psst. Let's get out of here before any more weirdos show up."
"Okay." I began following her and we continued walking through the forest. The d

warf waved at us from the distance. Ayumi turned around and waved back, with a d
isgusted look on her face.
"You know, you didn't have to be so mean." I said.
"I guess you're right, Spirit... Not!" replied Ayumi.
SMACK!
"Idiot." said Ayumi as she slapped me on the back of the head.
Part 3
"Hurry up, Spirit, we're almost there!" yelled Ayumi.
"Wait up!" I replied. We finally found our way through the woods after two entir
e weeks of traveling. Our original plan was to go to varrock, but somehow we too
k a wrong turn a while back and ended up in the countryside. We weren't too far
away from the small village of Draynor, guess we could stay there for a bit and
replenish our supplies.
BZZZZT! A bolt of lightning came from the skies and struck the ground in the dis
tance. Dark, grey clouds began moving in from the horizon. Winds blew furiously
as the crimson autumn leafs swirled around and scattered.
"We better get to a house before it rains," said Ayumi. "This weather doesn't lo
ok too good."
We continued running until we got to the crossroads. There was a four-way sign i
n the middle that read "Draynor Village- South. Population: 500 300 125". Someth
ing doesn't look right here. But there's no time to wait, the storm was coming.
Within minutes, we arrived at a little broken down farm located about 100 yards
away from the village. It was deserted. Dusty barrels and haystacks filled the r
oom, and rats and spiders crawled and crept throughout.
I took out a slice of meat pie and began eating it. It tasted really good. Uh-oh
. I better hide it before Ayumi sees it. She'll want some of it too.
"We should get some rest. We have a long journey ahead of us." said Ayumi. "Wait
a minute.. Is that pie?"
"No." I said as I stuffed the rest of the pie into my mouth. "I don't have any p
ie, see?"
"Whatever. I-"
BAM BAM! Someone was at the door.
"Oh my gosh! Do you think the aliens are here to abduct us?!?" I asked.
"Shut up you idiot. You know there are no such things as aliens." Ayumi replied.
"There are too!"
"There are not. You're just a stupid little moron constantly thinking of BAM BAM! The knocks grew louder.
"Oh yeah, well you're a goblin poo!" I yelled.
"Takes one to know one." Ayumi responded calmly.
"Your mom!"
"Look, there's no point arguing, why don't we get the door-"
WHAM! The decaying wooden door cracked and splintered as a man wielding a steel

sword charged in. He wore a black cape and a mask which covered most of his eyes
and face. He looked really angry.
"Ahhhhh! It's the boogie monster!" I screamed and ran down the room, jumping int
o a barrel.
"Stand and deliver!" said the man.
He swung his sword at Ayumi, and slashed at her arm. Ayumi easily dodged the man
's strikes, and leaped back.
"What do you want?" asked Ayumi in an annoyed voice.
"Give me all of your stuff, or else! Mhahhahahhaha!" replied the man.
"Or else what?"
"Um..."
"Well?"
"Or else I'll kill you all and take your money! MhahahhahahahPOW!
The man's laugh broke off as Ayumi punched him in the face. The man fell over, h
olding his face and began to cry.
"You're mean! I'm telling my mom on you!" cried the man as tears ran down his ch
eeks.
"You're pathetic." said Ayumi as she walked away.
"Nah-uh! I mobbed two little kids last week and got 4 gold coins, beat that!" sa
id the man as he held out a small sack containing some gold.
"Mine now." Ayumi snatched the bag and stuffed it into her pockets.
"Meanie!" Shouted the man as he cried even more. "That was my lunch money you je
rk!" His shirt was now soaked with tears. Or rainwater. That too.
"Oh fine. You're a bigger noob than Spirit." said Ayumi as she threw the sack of
coins back towards the man.
"Hey! I'm not a noob!" I yelled angrily as I jumped out of the barrel.
"Whatever. The rain stopped anyway. Let's head to town and buy some supplies." s
aid Ayumi as she began to leave.
"What about me?" asked the Man.
"Who cares about you? Get lost." said Ayumi.
"Aww, you're soo mean!" said the man as he started crying again.
"But look at him!" I pleaded. "He seems so sad."
The man looked at Ayumi, and made a puppy eye face thingie.
"One idiot in enough for this trip, now come on before I decide to leave you too
." said Ayumi.
"Wait!!" yelled the man. "If you let me go with you, then I'll give you some fre

e runes."
"Runes, you say?" asked Ayumi curiously. "Fine. We might as well take you anyway
, since you are useful for something..."
"Yay!" The man got up and started dancing.
"Stop that." Demanded Ayumi.
"Okay."
As the three of us headed towards the town, the sky slowly cleared up and a brig
ht clear horizon was in view. We arrived at the corner of the village trading po
st.
"Okay. Each of you take some gold and start buying supplies. When you're done me
et me by the village bank." said Ayumi.
"Wait." said the man. "I've got some runes for you, milady."
"Nah. Forget it." replied Ayumi. "Just keep them for now. But wait... what is yo
ur name anyway?"
"Why how rude of me! I forgot to introduce myself. My name is Count Van Jack Pol
o Smithamire. But you can call me Isaac." said the man as he smiled.
"Okay, Isaac. Now tell me something about this town. Why are there only 125-"
Charge!!11!11//
A tiny white horse galloped at us and tackled Ayumi.
"Ooh look it's a toy horsie!" I bent down to pet the toy horse, but it bit me on
the finger.
"Ouch!" Another toy horse came charging from the shrubs and leaped onto Isaac. T
his one was grey.
"What the hell is going on?" asked ayumi. "Why are the toy horses attacking us?"
A black horse busted through a nearby crate and bit Ayumi's behind. Follow by a
brown one that jumped onto Isaac's head and began ripping at his hair.
"We're all gonna die!!!! Ahhhhhhhh!" yelled Isaac as he began running around in
circles.
Part 4
"Ayumi, help me!" Yelled out Isaac as the four toy horsies continued to bite and
kick him.
Ayumi took out her air runes. "Zypharious"STOP!" Cried out a voice in the tavern. A man wearing a brown cavalier hat rush
ed out and stopped Ayumi.
"Don't hurt my horses, please!" Pleaded the man. "They mean no harm, they're jus
t scared."
"Scared of what?" Asked Ayumi.

The man began talking. "My name is Diango, my magic toy horses and I have lived
in peace for many years. Recently, our lord Count Draco Woot-Woot Van Drakken fe
ll ill to a plague, and died. Upon his death, the priests of Saradomin warned us
and insisted that his body should be burned. We did not want them to desecrate
our lord's soul and honor, so we instead went against the advice of the priests,
and buried him in a coffin sealed with arcane energy. That wasn't the end of Co
unt Drakken. Somehow, the plague caused him to become a bloodthirsty vampire, an
d he is now amongst the undead. By day he rests within the coffin in his mansion
down in the woods, and at night he and his minions of darkness come to our town
and feast on the blood of the villagers. Within weeks, the population of Drayno
r village dropped from 500 to less than 125. Many families have migrated to the
nearby fishing port of Sarim village. And..."
*Snores* "Huh? What was that again?" asked Ayumi as she yawned.
"Our village is in need of heros, we need someone to complete this task and put
our lord Count Drakken to rest. If you could help us, we would be eternally grat
eful to you." replied Diango.
"What do we get in return?" Questioned Ayumi.
"Well, rumor has it that Count Drakken has a vast supply of ancient artifacts, a
long with gold, silver, and many legendary treasures awaiting to be found".
"Now I'm interested. Fine, we'll do it." said Ayumi as she picked up her bag fro
m the ground, she carried it over her shoulders, and began to walk off. "Let's g
o boys. I'd like to get this done before dinner, I'm hungry."
"A word of advice, milady," said Diango. "A vampire can only be slain by having
a wooden stake"Move it or lose it, you guys! We don't have all day!" Yelled Ayumi.
--A few hours later, we arrived at the woods. The sun was slowly setting, and a ev
ery tree casted a shadow on the cold barren grounds. A mist began to fill the fo
rest. We walked slowly through the mass of trees, it was now getting late, the f
ull moon was now as bright as ever beyond the twilight.
Whoosh! A shadow leaped across the road ahead of us.
"What was that?" asked Isaac.
"Some stupid werewolf." responded Ayumi. "Who cares, let's keep going. I think I
see the mansion up ahead."
Within minutes, we had arrived at the front gate of the giant mansion. I approac
hed the door, and rang the door bell. A stone gargoyle opened its mouth, and yel
led out;
BWHAHHAHAH-AWHOOO-BLAH-SPLATTOO-UBAH-NOOBAH!!!1111oneoneshift//eleventyseven?1/
"Whoa... that was cool." I stared at the giant gargoyle head with amazement.
"Yay! Hit the button again!!! Again!" shouted Isaac with excitement. I reached f
or the doorbell with my hand.
SLAP!

"Touch the doorbell again and I'll kill you." Threatened Ayumi as she kicked the
door open.
The mansion was really quiet, and dark. As soon as we walked in, all the candles
suddenly lit up in a brilliant shade of blue, and I as turned, the door suddenl
y slammed behind us and locked itself.
"Oh no! We're trapped!" yelled Isaac. "I'm too young to die! I want my momWhoosh! A skeleton leaped onto Isaac's back and began gnawing at his head. Isaac
started screaming and running around in circles.
"Get it off! Get it off plz!" Screamed Isaac as the skeleton continued to bite h
im.
Ayumi calmly walked up, snatched the skeleton by the neck, and ripped it off of
Isaac. She then ripped out one of its arms, and slammed it right back into its h
ead. The skeleton stumbled back, and then fell into pieces.
"Oh. Thanks." said Isaac. "You know, sometimes when you're not being mean, you c
an be pretty awesomeWhoosh! A skeleton monkey leaped onto Isaac's face and began punching him in the
mouth.
"Not again!" yelled Isaac as he ran down the hallway screaming in terror.
WHAM!
Isaac suddenly ran into a bookshelf, knocking over some old dusty books. A loud
cracking sound was heard as a large staircase leading down to the basement was r
evealed.
"Why don't I go down first, Isaac." I suggested. "You're just way too much of a
noob, lol."
He turned to look at me, then nodded. I began walking down the stairs, while Ayu
mi followed right after, and Isaac, who was still in tears hid behind her.
There it was. Four flame torches surrounded a hovering oak wood coffin. A mystic
al blue circle of magic surrounded the center.
"Alright. Let's bust it open." said Ayumi. She picked up a giant shovel from nea
rby, and began hammering at it with all of her strength.
"Help me you noobs." she demanded. Isaac took out his steel crafted sword, and s
lashed at the coffin, without even making a scratch.
"Hey! What's this button for?" I asked curiously. Then I hit it, the coffin bega
n shaking, and the lid started to hover away from the bottom. Then music started
coming out of the coffin.
Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do...
"Free ice cream!" shouted Isaac as he ran towards it.
"No, you idiot!" yelled Ayumi. "Stay back beforeBOOM!

The coffin exploded into pieces, shooting splinters everywhere. A dark shadowy f
igure rose from within. It had a black wavy cloak, and its eyes glowed like a de
mon's.
"Have you seen my teddy bear, er... WHO DARES TO DISTURB MY SLEEP?!?!?"
It was Count Drakken.
"Every man for himself!" Shouted Isaac as he jumped behind a bookcase. Ayumi too
k out her air runes, and I picked up Isaac's steel sword and stepped back.
The vampire took a look at us, and the mumbled something to himself.
"Omfg stupid noobs again I hate noobs... Oh well. "
AHHHHHHHHHHHH! I held out the sword and charged at him. The vampire vanished, th
en reappeared right behind me.
"Catch, n00by!" said the vampire as he threw a purple donut thing at me.
I caught it with both hands, sniffed it and then took a lick. It tasted funny.
"Spirit, you idiot!" said Ayumi. "That's the disk of no return! Get rid of it no
w!"
It was too late...
Part 5
"Spirit, drop it now!!"
It was too late. The donut thing glowed with a black aura, it started to shake b
ack and forth, and whoosh, a wave of darkness consumed me and sucked me right in
. My mind became dizzy, and the only thing I could see was a tunnel filled with
darkness. It felt as if I was falling through a bottomless pit.
WHAM!
I opened my eyes. I landed in some strange world. It was a dead forest on a cris
p early morning. The sun wasn't there, and a grayish white haze filled the air.
Old and shriveled up leafs filled the ground, as squirrels chased each other aro
und the dense tree filled forest. This strange dimension seemed alright.
Whoosh!
Something quickly rushed past me and hit a tree nearby. It was faster than an ar
row of any sort. The projectile seemed demonic, as not even a magic spell cast b
y the strongest mages could match its speed and power. The tree began to bleed i
n a strange blue-ish color.
Splat! I quickly dashed out of the way, just in time to dodge another shot. This
one ripped off several layers of skin from a hollowed log, and a pile of green
liquid began oozing out.
I started to run as fast as I could, without turning to look back. All of a sudd
en I tripped on a branch and fell.
BANG!
I was shot by the mysterious missile like thing. It stung me on the arm as I yel
led out in pain. I turned my head to look at my arm. I was bleeding, I thought.

Purple blood began dripping from my arms... purple?!?

A group of alien creatures wearing space suit like uniforms began walking toward
s me from all sides. They each had an advanced rifle thing in their hands, and t
hey talked in a weird buzzing sound that I couldn't understand. One of the alien
s approached me. He had a nametag sort of thing hanging from his neck, it read "
Paul".
Authors Note: I'm switch the narration standpoint to the "aliens" so the story c
an be more interesting hehe...
"Andrew! Andrew! I think we shot someone on accident!" I said.
"That's not good, Paul. There shouldn't be people just wandering in without wear
ing special equipment." said Andrew. "Aww, there goes our paintball game."
"Wait a minute... I don't think he's hurt." I continued. "Just look at him, he's
just lying there on the ground shouting nonsense. He seems alright to me. What
do you think, Mark?" I turned to look at my friend who was standing nearby.
"Hey dude, are you hurt?" asked Mark.
"liek omg who r u whar am i can u plz giv me free stuf i liek lost!!1111" said t
he blue haired man lying on the ground.
Mark looked up to see Andrew's reaction. "Haha! Looks like we found a noob! I wo
nder how he got here in the first place."
"I don't know..." I said. "Maybe there's a glitch in the game that creates a por
tal between our world and theirs. That would be bad if people found out and star
ted doing bug abuse. We wouldn't want to be responsible for having a KBD running
around London."
"Aww, there goes our paintball game." said Andrew. "Oh well, let's go back to th
e company and fix it. But first, we should send him back into the game."
I walked over and found something on the ground. It was a disk of returning. I h
eld it out into my hands and examined it closely.
"That's amazing!" said Mark. "I've never seen an in game item in real life befor
e! I wonder how a dragon longsword would look if it was brought here from the po
rtal..."
"Well, let's give it back to him now." I said as I put the disk in the noob's ha
nd. "Farewell."
Whoosh! A giant dimension portal ripped open, sucking in the blue haired noob al
ong with dust and leafs about it. Suddenly, a grey-ish rifle went into the porta
l right before the void closed itself.
"Aww, %#$@!" Yelled Andrew. "There goes my favorite paintball gun!"
Now Spirit the noob is the narrator again. Yeah, yeah, it's annoying but just de
al with it. dry.gif
Back at Draynor mansion, Ayumi and Isaac continued to fight the vampire and his
horde of skeletons.
"Curses! He's too strong, even for my spells!" Yelled out Ayumi.

"Mhahahahhaha!" The count laughed. "Foolish mortals, how dare you challenge me!
Now.. Prepare to die!"
A bright green colored orb of energy appeared in the vampire's hand. The skeleto
ns began moving in on Ayumi and Isaac. They were surrounded and had no where to
run.
"Say goodbye!" Shouted the Count.
WHAM!
I fell right on top of the count just as the portal opened under the ceiling. Hi
s spell was disrupted as he was slammed into the ground.
"Now's our chance!" said Ayumi as she prepared her runes.
"Zypharious Ventus!" A jet of air rushed from Ayumi's hand. It quickly sliced th
rough the skeletons, cutting them down into piles of broken bones.
"Now, Isaac, kill the Count!" shouted Ayumi.
Isaac did not hesitate twice, and dashed towards the vampire as fast as he could
. He drew out his sword and prepared to slice off the vampire's head when all of
a sudden....
SLAM! Oww!!!
Isaac had tripped and fell on his face. The vampire struggled to free himself fr
om under the pile of books and rubble.
"My turn!" I shouted as I picked up the steel sword from the ground. "Take that
you evil creature!" I slashed at the vampire, cutting off it's head.
The Count's head body began running around in circles like a chicken. It picked
up a nearby vase and attached it on its neck.
"You fool!" Shouted the dissevered head. "I'm over here you moron!"
The vampire's body turned, seemed to have reacted towards it somehow, and began
rushing over to it.
SPLAT!
"You stepped on me, you worthless monkey!" Shouted the vampire's head.
The vampire's body bent down and picked up it's head. Using one hand it knocked
off the vase and the head re-grew itself on the body.
"Now, then." said the Count. "Where were we... Oh! That's right." It took out a
box from its pockets.
"Hehehehehe!" the vampire began snickering as it peeked into the box. "Hahahhaha
! That's so funny!"
"I wanna see it!" Isaac protested.
"Oh you do, don't you little n00by?"
"Yes, now show me plsh."
The vampire held out the box for Isaac to look in.

"I don't see anything..." said Isaac.

"Closer..." replied the vampire.
Isaac leaned closer to get a better look at the box. All of a sudden, the vampir
e smirked.
POW! The count has sucker punched Isaac, knocking him back towards Ayumi.
"Now then you fools, I bid thee farewell!" said the vampire as he screamed with
laughter. He jumped over the table, propelling into the air, and Poof! The count
has turned into a bat.
"You'll never catch me alive, n00bs!" The bat taunted us in a high pitched voice
.
Ayumi clenched her teeth and threw the unconscious Isaac off. She picked up his
sword and ran after the bat. "Come here you little monkey!" She swung the sword
at him.
"Pffffffffffft!" The bat blew a raspberry at Ayumi and flew out the window.
"You couldn't catch me even if you hadCHOMP.
A werewolf had snatched the vampire bat and ate him. Ayumi turned and looked at
me in shock. The werewolf continued to chew the bat, then swallowed it and let o
ut a loud burp.
"Well..." said Ayumi. "I guess our work here is done. Let's get going now, it's
getting pretty late."
"What about the treasure?" I asked.
"Oh yeah..." Ayumi grinned.
Part 6
"Ah. What a beautiful morning." said Ayumi.
She was in an usually good mood. The sun is just beginning to rise, the crisp mo
rning air breezed through the grasslands. A crystal clear lake flowed through th
e plains, and lush, green trees grew abundant. The birds were chirping and singi
ng as the three of us walked through the ever green grass.
"We're getting close to Varrock," said Ayumi. "I can see the barbarian village u
p ahead. Maybe we should stock up on supplies there and rest for a while before
we head into the city."
"Good idea." said Isaac. "I'm hungry anyway. What do you think, Spirit?"
*Mumble* *Gulp* "Huh? Ya sure." I replied as I stuffed the rest of the apple pie
into my mouth.
"Spirit!" yelled Ayumi. "Are you hogging those pie again?"
"No." I answered hesitantly as I wiped my mouth.
Ayumi let out a long sigh. "Spirit... oh well. Let's go, I'm sure they have some

food at the outpost."

We continued walking until we finally arrived at the village. Warriors wielding
axes and spears patrolled the bumpy roads as miners chipped away at the rocks wi
th their pickaxes.
"I see the pub up ahead!" yelled out Isaac. "Let's go!"
We headed over to the pub, and pushed open the gigantic wooden doors. The entire
pub was dark as the catacombs. The warriors that lurked within all sat and dran
k their ale and beers. All the barbarians and travelers from all over Misthalin
sat around a mysterious glowing box and watched it with amazement.
"Oh my gosh!!!!111" I shouted out. "It's a magic box! I wanna go watch the magic
box!"
I ran towards the crowd, leaping over a stinky, hairy fat man drinking a dwarves
stout.
"Watch it ye stoopid monkey!" shouted the man angrily.
But I paid no attention to him whatsoever. Instead, I continued dashing along th
e wooden and carpet floor, running towards the magic box without stopping.
"Well, we might as well get something to drink too." said Ayumi. "I swear... wha
t is it with noobs and magic boxes? At least you're not into those things, Isaac
.. Isaac?"
"Find me a seat plsh, Spirit!" yelled Isaac as he ran after me.
After about two minutes of squeezing and shoving through sweaty, stinky barbaria
ns, Isaac and I have finally found a spot and sat down. There it was, the magic
box glowing with all its magnificence and glory, the amazing, state of the art,
ninth century invention that stormed the world. The magic box, made by Zony the
great mage in the lands far east, the great inventor and"Ahhhhh! Omgomgomgomgomg it's my favorite magic box show!!!11" screamed Isaac.
The magic box began to flicker. Its glass panel lit up in a brilliance of rainbo
w colored lights, and flash! A picture of a sewer and a giant apple-pie appeared
on the screen. Then all of a sudden a homeless, one eyed mugger appeared and be
gan singing in a loud raspy voice.
(AUTHOR'S NOTE: Psst... sing the song with the tune of Spongebob... heh XD.gif)
OHHH! Who lives in a shoebox under the streets?
GenieRob Chunkypants!
Swirly and blue and mystical is he!
GenieRob Chunkypants!
If magic and funnies be something you wish,
GenieRob Chunkypants!
Then dance on the manhole and fall in a ditch!
Ready?
GenieRob Chunkypants!
GenieRob Chunkypants!
GenieRob... Chunkypants! Do Ba De Do Ba Do Be Doop!
YAY! All the warriors and travelers began to cheer and shout, while everyone els
e sipped their drinks and focused all their attention on the magic box.
"Aww com'on!" Ayumi complained. "What are you? Seven? No one watches GenieRob an

ymore! That show is soo lame! It's as if some stupid 14 year old kid came up wit
h it as a bad pun for some lame-o story!"
Shhhhh! Everyone turned and looked at Ayumi angrily.
"Oh fine! Watch your stupid show!" mumbled Ayumi.
--AHAHHAHAHHA!
The pub roared with laughter as everyone closely watched the GenieRob Chunkypant
s show. GenieRob was now making rat grilled cakes and serving them to skeletons
as a monkey crawled out of the toilet and tried to steal the secret formula for
making rat cakes.
"I love this show!" said Isaac as he attempted to talk while laughing his head o
ff.
"I know!" I replied. "Isn't this great? It's an eight hour marathon of GenieRob
Chunkypants!"
"Ugh... aren't you guys tired of this yet?" asked Ayumi. "You've been watching t
his for the past three hours! Don't you think we need to head towards Varrock no
w?"
"But it's an eight hour marathon!" responded Isaac. "And they're brand new episo
des too! I love GenieBob, it's the greatest show ever!"
"Come on, guys!" yelled Ayumi. " We... have... to... leave... NOW!!!!!"
SMASH! A beer glass flew towards the magic box and smashed the screen into piece
s, a sharp glass breaking sound was amplified into the entire room as the magic
box exploded, spewing out chunks of glass, wood, and rope everywhere.
All the barbarians and stood up and glared at Ayumi angrily. The biggest, uglies
t man stood up and walked towards her.
"ARGGGGHHHH! WE WERE WATCHIN' THAT YOU STOOPID LASS!!!!!" Shouted the man.
"Calm down, Gunther." said a lady as she ran and grabbed the man's arm. "She's o
nly a girl, let's just settle down and talk this over, I'm sure we can fix it."
"AHHH! YOO STAY OUTTA THIS JANICE!! NOW I CANT WATCH ME SHOW!!! I ARE MAD!!!! ME
SMASH SOMEBODYS" shouted Gunther as he swung his fists in rage. Then he turned
to Ayumi. "YOU! PURPOL HAIR GIRL! FIX BOX NOW OR ELSE!!"
"Or else what?" demanded Ayumi.
"Uh..." said Gunther in hesitation. "ME GONNA PUT HURTZ ON YOU!"
Slap!
"Oh, shut up you big cluts." said Ayumi as she dropped a raw trout to her feet.
"Those magic boxes are bad for you. Its rumored to have turned people into cabba
ges."
"I HATE YOO AND I HATEZ VEGGYS! MAGIC BOX NOW OR PAIN!!" Shouted Gunther as he p
icked up a giant wooden table and slammed it at Ayumi. The entire crowd gasped i
n shock.

Part 7
"Ayumi! Watch out!"
WHAM! The wooden table smashed right into the stone paved floor in the pub, and
broke into two pieces. All eyes were focused on Ayumi and Gunther as the eerie s
ilence filled the pub.
Ayumi picked herself back up from the ground and dusted off her cloak. She took
her a handkerchief and wiped the dirt off from her arms and looked up. Gunther f
linched and stepped back. Ayumi picked up a beer mug and hurled it at Gunther, h
itting him right in the face.
The entire crowd gasped once more, and the bartender ran into the backroom in a
hurry. I looked at Isaac to see his reaction. He was scared. He looked really pa
le and started moving away from the crowd. Then suddenly a crippled old man walk
ed slowly towards the middle, picking up a chair as he suddenly grinned.
BAR-FIGHT!!!!!!!!
The old man yelled out at the top of his lungs, and swung the chair and SMACK! K
nocked over a caped warrior and sending him flying over the tables.
"The first blood has been drawn!" yelled the bartender as he ran out of the back
room wielding a giant club. "Bring it on you suckers!!"
The entire room suddenly burst into mass chaos. Everyone started beating each ot
her up with random objects as Isaac wandered around picking up free stuff and pe
ople's teeth.
"RAWRH!!!!!!!!!" yelled Gunther as he gripped his hands firmly on the giant beer
keg. He ripped it up right from the marble counter and chucked it at Ayumi.
Whoosh! The giant marble counter flew across the room and smashed into pieces al
ong the wall. Dust and debris spread throughout the room as everyone scrambled i
n fear and pandemonium.
"Spirit, grab Isaac and get the heck out of here!" yelled Ayumi. "There are too
many of them for me to fight... Spirit?!?"
*Munch munch* "Good pie..." I mumbled to myself. "Oh, huh? Right!" I began searc
hing for Isaac and ran into the crowd. People were screaming and shouting as the
y continued to bash each other with chairs and whatever weapon they could find.
"Isaac! Where are you?" I shouted. No response. I continued to push through the
crowd towards the other side of the room, while the wave of people struggled and
fought.
"Eat fist you little n00beh!" shouted a chubby knight in steel armor as he swung
his fist at me. I couldn't dodge it fast enough and got knocked off of my feet,
stumbling backwards and falling into a pile of drunken archers.
"Spirit!" shouted Isaac. I turned around and saw him laying on the floor in a pi
le of gravy and toast crumbs.
"Dude!" Isaac continued. "This is good shtuf... *hic... here, hab some."
He handed me a piece of crispy bread with gravy on it, I sniffed it and then ate
it in one gulp.

"This is good! Let's stock up on this stuff before we head into the city!" I beg
an to shove the pieces of bread into my backpack, as Isaac took packages of grav
y from the condiment stand at the same time.
"Alright, now let's get out of here." I said to Isaac.
Isaac took out a lollipop and shoved it in his mouth. "Mkay, tak the lead."
We began walking towards the exit, while the entire room continued to rumble as
chairs and old people flew across the room.
"Aww, crap!" exclaimed Isaac as he suddenly stopped.
"What's wrong now?" I asked.
"I dropped my lollipop, help me find it man!" replied Isaac as he bent down and
started searching for his sucker.
"Dude! Forget the candy!" I yelled back. "You're gonna get trampled by the crowd
if you stay too low in this fight! Isaac!... Darn it..."
I crouched down and started crawling through the crowd in search of my friend. "
Isaac! Where are you!" I shouted as loud as I could.
"I found my lollipop!" yelled Isaac. "It's stuck on some pink thing! Help me pul
l it off!"
"Um, Isaac...? I don't think you should..."
"Stupid lollipop!" cried Isaac as he pulled it with all his strength.
"That's not such a good idea, Isaac!! it's stuck to someKERSHHHHHHHH! A ripping sound of fabric shot echoed throughout the entire room a
s everyone stopped and turned to look at Isaac's direction.
"Yay! I got my lollipop!" said Isaac happily. "Ooh, a pink dress?"
The pub was now completely silent. Everyone stared at Isaac and a pink haired gi
rl that stood next to him.
EEEEEEEKKKKKKKK! Screamed the pink haired girl at the top of her lungs.
Author's note- Scene change.
Twenty miles away, at the palace in the glorious city of Varrock.
"A toast, gentlemen, to another successful year!" The King of Varrock spoke as h
e held out a crystal cup filled with wine.
"Cheers!" said the Minister of Port Sarim as the Prince of Al Karid, Count of Mo
rtania and the mayor of Draynor raised their cups.
Smash!! All of a sudden the glasses shattered as the mosaic above them broke int
o shards.
"Hmm... that's not a good sign." said the King of Varrock.
An hour later, outside the city limits of Varrock.

"Well, I think we've learned a lesson here, haven't we Isaac?" asked Ayumi in an
annoyed tone.
"Man, that chick was really angry, lol." I turned to Isaac and laughted.
"Just be glad she didn't kill you, haha." said Ayumi as she walked towards the s
etting sun in the east. The west gate of varrock was now within sight, and Ayumi
ran charismatically towards the golden city beyond the horizon.
"Who's gonna help me carry Isaac's cast!" I complained.
Part 8
"Spirit... Spirit, wake up."
"Uh... just 5 more minutes... go away."
"WAKE UP YOU STUPID NOOBHEADS!!!!!!!!!" yelled Ayumi as I opened my eyes to the
bright morning sun.
"Rise and shine, stupid!" greeted Ayumi as she smiled. "Come on you sleepyheads!
Let's head into the city before the traffic blocks up all out!"
Ayumi walked over and kicked Isaac in his sleeping bag. "Up and at 'em, n00beh!"
I walked over to the stream and dipped my head in. The cool crisp water felt ref
reshing. Isaac got up and roll away his sleeping back, then walked over to the f
ire and picked up a roasted trout.
"So what's the big deal with Varrock?" asked Isaac as he began chewing on the ro
asted fish.
"Well, it is the biggest trading and market gathering spot on this side of the w
orld." said Ayumi. "The city consists of many different sections, and just the t
own square alone usually has about 300 people on a normal day."
"Boooooring!" Isaac complained. "I wanna go get some armor and buy a portable ma
gic box so we can watch GenieBob while traveling. It gets way too boring in the
woods just throwing imps into rivers and watching them choke."
"Bloody hell.... No." Ayumi responded. "There's no way we can ever find enough g
old to afford a portable magic box, and even if we did, I'm won't let you noobs
waste it on a stupid thing like that. Now come on, hurry up and finish eating to
we can get going."
We finished our breakfast and began walking towards the west gate of the city. T
he city's tall skyscrapers were within view, and the sun shined brightly as ever
beyond the golden city of riches.
"Here we are." said Ayumi. "Looks like we made it in good time, the streets aren
't nearly as crowded compared to usual. Alright. Let's split up, here's 30 coins
for the both of you, now go around and buy some stuff, I'm going to try and sel
l that broken ruby ring that I found. Now Spirit, follow Isaac and keep an eye"Come back Santa!!" screamed Isaac as he chase after a man wearing a santa claus
e hat. "I've been a good boy this year! Present plz!!!111"
"Okay then..." Ayumi blinked. "Well, just meet me at the east bank when you're d
one shopping for junk. Whatever you do, don't wander into the slums, that's wher
e they torture noobs for begging, and-

I ran towards the city square as Ayumi's voice slowly faded into the distance. T
he city of Varrock really is magnificent! Travelers from all over the world gath
ered and traded items near a marble carved fountain in the middle of the city, a
nd crowds of hundreds walked along the streets wearing their most priced possess
ion.
"Hey there sweetie, wanna have some fun with me?" said a blond girl wearing a sk
impy blue dress as she came up to me and winked.
"Okay! Let's go and pick cabbages together!" I responded enthusiastically.
"Uh... sir, you're a bit slow in the head, aren't you?" she continued. "I mean..
'fun' as in... you know?"
"Oh!" I replied. "I get it now! You mean fun as in begging for free stuff?"
The blonde girl looked at me with a funny expression on her face. She turned and
began walking away. "Ugh.... n00bs."
"Bye! If you ever want to pick cabbages with me, you can find me near the green
tree!" I waved as the girl slowly disappeared down the street. Wow. People are s
o kind in this city. I wonder if there's anyone else here that are as nice as he
r.
I continued walking down the alleyway, taking a left near a sign that says "Enta
r at yor own ricks", whatever that means. A man wearing an iron helmet and a pin
k skirt was sitting on the sidewalk. He seemed to have gathered a crowd around h
im. Maybe he was selling something...
"Ladies and gentlemen! This is a once in a life time offer of cheap armor trimmi
ng, at the lowest cost to you but of the highest quality! Step right up and depo
sit your armor, and see it shine with a gold, silver, or pink trim! Don't miss t
his perfect opportunity to impress your wife or husband with this stylish new ar
mor for only 300 coins per trim! Step right up now!"
Ooooooh. The crowd gasped and began clapping. A toothless old man walked up to t
he armor trimmer and gave him a bronze square shield along with a bag of coins.
"Herr." the old man said. "Thif iz a family heirloom, pleafe trim it well, thank
you."
The armor trimmer accepted the shield and placed it in a wooden crate. "Are ther
e anymoreYOU'RE UNDER ARREST!!! A voice yelled out from over the fence. A guard wielding
a steel spear began climbed over the fence and walked up to the armor trimmer.
"THIS IS THE VRPD! PUT YOUR HANDS OVER YOUR HEAD AND DO NOT MOVE!" The guard sho
uted as an overweight guard began climbing over the fence.
"WE HAVE YOU SURROUNDED." shouted the guard. "NOW RETURN THE ITEMS TO THEIR OWNE
RS ANDBam! The overweight guard fell off the fence, landing on the other guard.
"Cheese it, it's the cops!" yelled the armor trimmer as three thugs began picked
up the wooden crate full of armor and began running.
"Aww, dude! Lay off the donuts from now on!" Complained the first guard. "Hurry,
after them! They're getting away!"

The armor trimmer ran towards me, and WHAM! Knocked me over and grabbed my backp
ack.
"Thanks, kid. This is mine now!" said the armor trimmer as he ran.
"Give that back you jerk!" I yelled and began chasing after him.
"Nyah nyah! You're a stupid n00by and I'm rich, I'm rich- Ooof!". The armor trim
mer ran right into a brick wall and feel over.
"Ha! Serves you right!" I taunted him as I picked up my backpack. The armor trim
mer suddenly jumped right back up, snatched the backpack away and continued runn
ing.
"Darn you!" I chased after the armor trimmer through the alleyway and into the t
own square. The two guards followed by, riding on horses.
"Crap!" yelled the fat guard. "He went into the crowd!"
"Don't worry!" responded the other guard. "Let's cut through traffic and head hi
m off up north."
"Good idea! Let's use the sirens!" The two guards charged at into the crowd, as
one of them began shouting "Whee Whoo! Whee Whoo!" over and over again.
"Aww man, I'm tired of being the siren." complained the fat guard. "It's your tu
rn."
"Shut up and keep chasing!"
Part 9
Whoosh! A wooden bolt suddenly shot through the air and impaled a wooden fence,
hitting and killing an imp on the other side.
*Pant pant*
Whew, I've been running for the last twenty minutes now from those guys in the b
lack suits. I think they're mad at me for stealing their bronze kite shield, but
at least I got out of their house in one piece.
It all started three hours ago while I was following Santa Clause. I was begging
for free stuff while bugging me so he took me to the south, no wait, east, west
, uh... weast! Yeah, that's it, um, the weast side of the town with a whole bunc
h of ugly fat rocks and people in black robes. They were magicians of some sort
and all started shooting fireballs at me. I ran over to one of the and kicked hi
m in the knees and poked him in the stomach with my steel sword and then ran.
Then I remember follow some cloaked stranger through an alleyway, and then sneak
ing into a hidden house of some sort and taking a bronze kite shield from this o
ne man. He seemed pretty angry, then his entire gang tried to beat me up, but I
was too smart for them.
"Look! There he is!" yelled a voice over the fence.
Crap! They found me!!111 I gotta start running!!1///
Whoosh! Tak Tak Tak Tak!!! Wooden bolts started spraying from the other side of
the fence and made Swiss cheese out of everything nearby. I picked up the shield
, tied it to my behind, and started running towards the town square.

"Come on! You idiots!" yelled a one armed man wielding a crossbow. "Let's get hi
m before he runs away! We're not called the infamous Phoenix Mafia for nothing!"
I continued to ran towards the exit of the alleyway, and the gang started firing
at me with their crossbows once more.
Tak Tak Tak Tak Tak! A volley of bolts flew through the air, rushing past me and
barely missing my arm by an inch.
"He's getting away boss!" yelled a man with a long purple beard.
"Hurry! To the Phoenix-mobile!" shouted the one armed man as everyone started to
run back. Within a minute later, some giant mechanical wooden cart bashed throu
gh a wooden fence and began charging towards me, crushing everything in its path
.
Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na! An annoying singing sound came from the speakers of the
machine. Whoosh! The giant wooden cart began glowing and a wooden mechanical pl
ane came out from the top hatch as it opened.
"You won't escape from us!" a voice came from the wooden plane. "No one steals f
rom phoenix gang and gets away with it!"
I began running for my life, dashing past trash cans and knocking them over. The
end of the alleyway was near, I could see the bright daylight shining just beyo
nd the apothecary's shop at the end.
"I got him on sight, boss!" yelled the purple bearded man.
"Aim and fire!" screamed the one armed man. "Kill him! Kill him! Kill him!"
I could feel the plane taking aim on me with whatever weapon it had equipped. I
remember about five years ago I was begging money from a gnome, and then it took
out a rock rifle thing and shot me in the mouth and made my lips swell. It wasn
't very nice. Gnome planes are really dangerous, I don't like dwarfs, although t
heir town had pretty good food, andPbtbtbtbbtbtbbtbtbtbtbbtbbt!
Something shot out from the plane's wooden wings and flew towards my head. I jum
ped as far as I could and then drove behind a dumpster.
SPLAT!
Ow! I'm hit! I'm dead. No!!!1111 I don't want to die!!!111oneoneshiftelventyseve
n!!11
I hit the ground and fell over on the cold, concrete floor. The bronze kite shie
ld dropped with my arms and make a sharp clanking sound as it hit the ground. I
slowly opened my eyes and saw blood dripping from the back of my head, as it slo
wly made a puddle near where I fell.
Am I really dead? I can't die yet. I have to know if my blood really taste good,
like some monkey told me once in my dream. Hmm, that was a pretty weird dream.
I was begging for free stuff when a monkey came out of nowhere and gave me choco
late pudding. Mmm... pudding. Now I'm hungry, I hope they have pudding and fr33
st0f wherever I go after death.
I gathered the last of my strength within my body and dipped my finger in the re

d puddle. I opened my mouth slowly and licked my finger, which was covered in my
own blood. I closed my eyes slowly and tastes my own blood, it was kinda good,
reminded me of... ketchup?!?
"You idiot!" screamed the one armed man. "Didn't you replace the gnome rifle wit
h .... Whatever you put in a rifle?"
"Uh... it wasn't me, boss!" shouted the purple bearded man. "The plane shot ketc
hup from the gun thingies ever since we stole it! And me 'n da' guys didn't chan
ge it 'cause it was good fer makin' giant burgers. Ain't that right, two bit?"
"You can say that again!" responded the bald man who drove the giant wooden cart
.
"Gahhh! That's it you stupid worthless doofus-heads!" shouted the one armed man
as he punched the cardboard wall on the wooden cart. "No more cheese puffs for y
ou!"
The purple bearded man and the ball man gasped. "We're sorry boss!" pleaded the
purple bearded man. "I'll get him fer' ya, I promise! Just please, don't take aw
ay the cheese puffs! Two bit loves the cheese puffs!"
The bald man turned and made a puppy face.
"Aww, crud!!! you know I can't stand the puppy face, forget you idiots!" yelled
the one armed man. "I'm gonna kill that no good thief with my own hands, er.. Ha
nd!"
The wooden cart suddenly burst open, and a metal cage shot out, and landed behin
d me. The cage burst open, and the one armed man appeared in a cloud of dust and
haze.
"I'm gonna rip you apart, you no good noob!" the one arm man threatened me as he
grabbed his vest and pulled on the empty sleeve.
"No way!" yelled the purple bearded man. "The boss is gonna...! He's gonna...!!!
"
Pop! Another arm with a wooden splint and bandaged cast came out from the sleeve
. The one, er... two armed man growled. "Grrr! The doctor said I weren't suppose
d to punch people with this arm till next week, but I'll make an exception just
for you!"
He charged at me and swung his fist towards my face, I tried to run but tripped
on the bronze kite. The giant fist was getting closer.. Closer.. Closer!!!!
Accendo Flarious!
A huge orb of fire sudden came from nowhere, hit the man and knocking him back i
nto the fence as his hair caught on fire. I turned around and saw a dark figure
in the shadows of the alleyway.
"Ayumi!!!" I shouted.
Part 10
"Selling adamantine plate mail, only fourteen thousand coins!"
"Paying seven hundred gold for a mithril hand blade!"
"Trading away roasted lobsters for steel forged arrows!"
Ack. The annoying shouting in the marketplace was too much for me. It's always b

een like that, ever since I grew up here a long time ago. The streets of varrock
had always been filled with people shouting out trade requests, I hate these st
upid idiots. The world is filled with them. This town is no longer what it used
to be, the quiet village with barely a couple of hundred people have developed i
nto a bustling city that now has a population of two thousand.
"selng bronz plat 4 a r00n weapn!1111"
Ugh, apparently it's gotten worse. I better cash in this ring and go find Spirit
and Isaac before they get themselves into any trouble. Damn this stupid city. I
never had expected it to change so much in the last ten years..
"hey can u plz giv me sum fr33 money?11//shiftoneone!1111" said a man as he pull
ed on my robes.
"What do you want?" I turned around. A scrawny man with a blue mustache was stan
ding behind me. He wore an orange colored necklace with some kind of a fake plas
tic gem in the middle, and had a bronze dagger tucked away at his belt. His shir
t was all torn up, and wore a raggedy black cape.
"plz." begged. "i ned teh money 2 feed my kity. She hasnt eatn nothin in teh las
t two weks!11."
My heart softened. Maybe this person is much more than just an annoying common b
eggar. He actually cares for others even when he has nothing himself.
"Alright. Here." I took out a handle of coins and handed them to the beggar as I
smiled. "Don't waste them."
"omg wow thx u lady!111" replied the beggar. "her, i gotz sumthin for u."
The man began searching for his pockets, took out a glistering shard of sapphire
and placed it in my hands.
"Oh. Why thank you." I responded.
"k no problm. teh darn thing aint good 2 eat, maks a cold feelng in ur hands if
u hold it 4 too long."
I picked up the tiny shard of azure stone and examined it. He was right. It did
create a strange cold feeling in your hand. This is no ordinary gem, it seems to
be magically enchanted...
"Where did you obtain this sapphire shard, if I may askThe man was gone.
--I continued walking through the busy streets, wandering around, not to sell the
ruby ring, but rather ponder and gaze at the bright blue stone which was now in
my hands. I took out the ruby ring and placed it on my finger. The shattered gem
in the middle had the exact same radiance as the sapphire. Maybe it was created
in the same way...
"Outta my way!"
WHAM! A man backpack over his shoulders knocked me down and continued running. H
e wore some kind of an iron helmet and a pink skirt.

"Watch where you're going, you stupid can of monkey poo!" I yelled.
"Get back here!" cried a familiar voice in the background.
I turned around and saw Spirit running as fast as he could. He looked out of bre
ath.
*Pant pant* "You.... Stupid... thief!!!!" shouted Spirit as loud as he could bef
ore he fell to his knees.
"Don't worry, I'll get him." I began running after the thief, leaping over obsta
cles as the iron helmet man continued running faster and faster. I then took out
an air rune, and jumped right in front of him.
Zypharious VentuWhoosh! A gnome plane suddenly came out of nowhere and crashed right on top of t
he iron helmed man. The plane was on fire, and a purple bearded man crawled out
from underneath the aircraft and began kissing the ground.
"I'm alive!" yelled the purple bearded man.
"Look who's running now!! Mhahhahaha!" shouted another familiar voice as someone
ran towards the scene.
BOOM! A giant wooden crate shaped machine burst through the wooden fence as a gr
oup of thugs ran towards us screaming and crying.
"Let us in!!" shouted a man wearing an arm cast. "Don't you dare leave your fell
ow gang members behind, you coward!"
"Nu-uh!" replied the bald man as he cried the flying wooden crate. "It's everyma
n for himself! That Ayumi thing is a monster!!!!"
Ayumi...? My mind went blank. What in the world is going on here? Sure, travelin
g with Spirit and Isaac has been pretty insane in the last couple of weeks, BUT
I'M AYUMI!!! What the hell is going on?!?!?
I took a minute, just standing in the middle of the street next to the burning g
nome plane, trying to re-collect my thoughts. Spirit ran towards me, along with
Isaac and a mysterious man wielding some kind of a staff.
"Omg!" exclaimed Isaac. "There's two Ayumis?!?
"Gahh!" yelled the mysterious man in frustration. "How many times do I have to t
ell you, MY.... NAME'S.... CHRIS!!!!!"
"No, you're Ayumi." said Isaac. "You wear a funny pointy hat like Ayumi, and sho
ot magic thingies from your hand like Ayumi, so therefore you are Ayumi. But if
you're Ayumi and she's Ayumi then who's the real Ayumi? And if you're both Ayumi
and I'm not Ayumi then who else is Ayumi? And ifSMACK.
"Pleased to meet you." I said.
"It's hard to believe your friend can actually dress himself correctly, haha. Oh
, right. Sorry, where are my manners?" said the mysterious man. "My name is Chri
s, I am a mage from the-

"Omg!" shouted Isaac. "Who turned my shirt inside out?!? Omg hax! Omg hax! Omg h
aSMACK.
"Sorry, you were saying?"
"My name is Chris, I am a mage from the western lands of Ardougne. I have come t
o the city of Varrock to invest in a great plague which has consumed much of our
land, and I just happened to have met up with your friend on the way to see som
eone."
"Ardougne, huh?" I replied. That's an interesting weapon you have there.
"Oh, this?" said Chris. "It's an enchanted battle staff of the flames. My old me
ntor gave it to me to help me on my journey. It's a decent weapon in terms of at
tack, but the arcane powers within really packs a punch. Most of my equipment ar
e all highly enchanted with magic to help me fend off whatever enemies I may fin
d on my journey, especially this dragon fire shield and zammy robes."
"Oh my goodness!" I yelled out. My worst fear had become reality.
"Don't worry." said Chris as he laughed. "I'm not a follower of zamorak, I just
have the robes because they help"Spirit! The ruby ring is gone!"
Part 11
"Damn it!" cursed Ayumi as her slammed her fist into the ground. "I can't believ
e this! Four entire weeks of hard work, traveling to Varrock and the ring is gon
e!"
She got up and walked over to the remnants of the gnome glider plane.
"Well, he couldn't have gotten very far." said Chris. "Look, his footprints are
still here."
Chris the mage pointed towards the ground. Sure enough, there was a trail of foo
tprints leading towards the other side of the road.
"Alright. Let's not waste anymore time here!" replied Ayumi as she began running
after the trail of footprints.
We followed her and ran alongside where the tracks had been left. It followed th
e main road of Varrock pretty well, and took a sudden turn near Horvik's armor s
hop. The footprints seem to stop for a bit, then continues on all the way north.
"Ugh, no way." said Ayumi is disgust.
"What's wrong?" Isaac asked.
"The trail leads right into the sewers." said Ayumi. "There's all kinds of weird
monsters and disgusting creatures down in the sewers. I've heard stories about
people getting lost in there and never coming back up. It's a pretty dangerous p
lace."
"Omg!" exclaimed Isaac in excitement. "That's where GenieRob lives! Spirit, mayb
e we can meet GenieRob!!!"

"You're right!" I replied. "The theme song goes, 'Who lives in a shoebox under t
he streets?'. That has got to be the streets of Varrock, there aren't any other
towns with an underground sewer system!"
"You stupid noobs." Ayumi interrupted the conversation. "GenieRob isn't real. He
's just a stupid made up character in a stupid magic box show!"
"Oh yeah, well Johnny Zepp isn't real either!" responded Isaac. "He's just a stu
pid wannabe pirate in a stupid box magic film, how about that?"
Ayumi gasped.
"You take that back about Sir Johnny, you n00beh!" Ayumi growled. "Don't you dar
e talk about him in such matter. Not only is he intelligent, gallant, handsome,
he's also"Ahem. Excuse me." said Chris the mage. "Aren't we supposed to go find the ring?
"
"The ring!" said Ayumi as she suddenly jumped into the manhole. Isaac followed a
fter, while Chris and I slowly climbed down on the ladder.
"It sure is dark in here..." Isaac complained.
"The thief shouldn't have gotten to far either. If we can't see in this dark tun
nel then neither could he." said Chris. "He's probably just hiding here somewher
e"Shhh!" said Ayumi. "Listen."
Munch. Munch. Gulp. Munch. Munch. Gulp.
"Cannibals." said Ayumi. "We better be careful. We don't want to end up getting
eaten or... Wait a minute, Spirit! Are you eating pie again?!?"
"Uh... no?" I responded as I slowly swallowed the last bit of my apple pie. "Sor
ry, I was hungry."
The four of us continued walking through the cold, damp sewers. The passageway b
ecame more and more narrow, and the water came up to our knees as the light from
above became further and further away. Then suddenly a dark figure suddenly app
eared and grasped Ayumi's arm.
RAWRRRRR!!!!!!!
"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!" Ayumi screamed at the top of her lungs.
"Everyone, watch your back!" shouted Chris as he picked up his shield.
"Haha!" laughed Isaac. "Gotcha! I make a good monster, don't I?"
SMACK!
"Idiot..." mumbled Ayumi. "Is everyone still here?"
"I'm here." I replied.
"Same." responded Chris.

"Mwwahhhh...." grunted a low, raspy voice.

"Isaac, don't make me smack you again." Ayumi threatened.
"That wasn't me." replied Isaac.
"Ugh, whatever." said Ayumi in an annoyed tone. "Look, I'd hate to say this, but
hold on to the other person's hand so you won't get separated."
I grasped Isaac's hand as he gripped onto Chris' cape.
"Ew!" shrieked Ayumi. "Isaac! Your hands are so hairy!"
"What?!" shouted Isaac. "I'm not even walking next to you!"
"That's not funny!" exclaimed Ayumi. "Don't try to scare us again! We all know i
t's you."
"Gwahh...." A low moaning voice filled the catacombs.
"Isaac, stop that!" demanded Ayumi.
"It's not me!" pleaded Isaac.
"Guys!" said Chris the mage. "Stop arguing! Look, there's some light coming thro
ugh the other side of the hallway, why don't we walk over there and find out."
"Fine." growled Ayumi. "If it's Isaac playing tricks on us again, I'm gonna punc
h him in his mouth..."
The four of us slowly walked towards the end of the hallway. A torchlight was sl
owly visible in the distance. A smell of garbage and sewer water filled the air
as the hallway slowly widened.
"Dude, you need a shower!" I turned to Isaac. "It's not me! I think Ayumi farted
."
SMACK!
"Owwwaahhhhhhh..." a voice moaned with pain.
"Uh... Ayumi?" said Isaac as he began shaking with fear. "That wasn't me."
"What are you talking about?" asked Ayumi. "Come on, quit playingThe dark figure was slowly revealed as we stepped into the candlelight. I turned
around and froze completely at the horror that was before my eyes. There is was
, a blue undead zombie standing over the stone bricks, blood dripping from its a
rms and severed flesh. The zombie began to speak through its shattered jawbone.
"Giv.... Me... RAWR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Part 11.5
"Everyone defend yourselves!" shouted Chris the mage as he began preparing a fir
eball spell.
"GIVE.... IT....TO....ME!!!!" The zombie roared and lashed out at my arms. Isaac
drew out his steel blade and charged at the zombie.
"Go back to your grave, evil zombie!" shouted Isaac as he swung his sword. The z

ombie caught the blade with its arm, ripping off a section of its flesh as it sc
reamed in pain.
"GET... LOST!!!!" grunted the zombie as it punched Isaac and knocking him back i
nto the shallow water.
"Accendo FlariThe zombie suddenly turned and swung its arms at Chris. The fireball suddenly ex
ploded, sending smoke and debris all throughout the hallway. The zombie's arm fl
ew off and landed in the water.
"GAH.... MY ARM...." yelled the zombie as it crept towards the severed arm.
"Now's our chance!" shouted Ayumi as she took out an air rune.
Zypharious Vent-"
The zombie suddenly turned back again, and picked up a large chunk of stone and
hurled it at Ayumi.
"Watch out!" shouted Chris the mage as he threw his staff towards the rock in mi
dair. The battle staff whirled through the air and made a loud cracking noise as
it knocked the stone into the water.
CLUNK! The staff lodged into the crumbling cement wall, as the zombie crept clos
er to his arm.
"Ayumi! Hurry and hit him with a spell!" shouted Chris.
"I can't get a clear shot! There's too much smoke!" responded Ayumi. "Spirit! It
's up to you now! Here, catch!!!"
A bronze short sword flew across the hallway, landing right in front of my foot.
"Alright!" I said as I picked up my sword. "Bring it on! You walking piece of me
at!"
I swung the sword at the zombie with all my strength. The zombie blocked the att
ack with its arm. I pressed the weapon against him as he slowly growled and atte
mpted to push me back.
"Now for my ultimate attack..." I drew the sword back and prepared to strike aga
in. "n00b-n00b-n00by strike!!!!"
There was a sound of air splitting as I slashed at the zombie's face with my swo
rd at max strength. "Say your prayers!" I yelled.
The zombie looked at me with an annoyed expression. It calmly grasped the sword
with its hand, and snapped it in half like a toothpick.
"GIVE...IT....TO...ME...NOW!" shouted the zombie as it swung its fist at me, pun
ching me back into the wall.
"Spirit! Be careful!" shouted Chris the mage. "Darn it! If only I can get to my
battle staff!"
"I can't watch!" yelled Isaac as he began walking back towards up with a limping
leg. "Okay, fine, I'll look anyway."

The zombie raised its arm, took out a steel butcher's knife, and prepared to str
ike. "I TAKE IT NOW!!!"
Thunk.
Part 12
"Spirit!!" screamed Ayumi as she began running towards us through the smoke.
"Omg Spirit!" cried Isaac. "Don't die! But if you die can I have your stuff??1/1
//11oneoneshift"
"Wait a minute..." said Chris the mage. "Look!"
I slowly opened my eyes, there it was, the zombie was knelt over and eating some
thing.
Munch. Munch.
"My backpack is gone!" I yelled as I slowly got up and picked up the butcher's k
nife. "Wait a minute... he cut my backpack!"
The four of us walked over to the zombie as it munched happily on my baked apple
pie.
"MMM... PIE GOOOD." the zombie grunted as it continued to bite into it.
"Oh. So he wanted Spirit's pie all along, huh." said Ayumi as she just stood wit
h a blank expression.
"Well... let's continue on then?" replied Chris. "The thief shouldn't have gone
too far. If weAHHHHHHHHH! A scream came from the other end of the hallway.
"It's the boogey monster!" cried Isaac as he jumped into Ayumi's arms.
AHHHHHHHHH! GHOSTS!!! GHOSTS!!! AND I'M MISSING THE GENIEROB SHOW!!! Another scr
eamed filled the room. The screams were closer and closer.
"Omg another zombie!" shouted Isaac.
"I'm human! Human!" yelled the dark figure angrily. The shadow continued dashing
towards us. A red haired warrior wielding a mithril battle axe suddenly appeare
d and shouted at the top of his lungs.
"Run for your lives!!" he continued running through the hallway, and suddenly cr
ashed into the zombie that was eating pie.
WHAM! The red haired warrior fell over, right next the zombie's half decayed fac
e.
"ELLO." grunted the zombie as it attempted to smile.
"AHHHHH!!!!" shrieked the red haired man. "Zombie!!!"
He tried to run again, but Ayumi suddenly gripped onto his crimson colored cape.
THUD! The man fell on his face and began crying.
"Quit acting like a baby!" said Ayumi as she attempted to kick him in chest.

"My face!" screamed the man in pain.

"Oops." Ayumi's eyes widened. "Um... sorry about that, but have you seen a man w
earing on iron helmet and a pink skirt passing by?"
The red haired warrior suddenly stood up and thought for a minute. "Actually, I
think I have... he went, that-a way! No... wait, um... this way maybe? So you ha
ve two coins? I want to get a soda."
The man smiled nervously.
"You're coming with us." demanded Ayumi as she pulled onto his ear.
"Ow! That hurts!" screamed the red haired man. "Please let me go! I don't wanna
fight anymore undead thingies. You're gonna make me miss GenieRob! He's gonna sh
ow us how to make a fatty patty today! Aww..."
The red haired warrior led us into the end of the hallway where a giant pipe was
found. It seemed big enough for a person to walk through.
"Excuse me, fellow traveler." said Chris. "What is your name? Please, do tell."
"Well, I'm glad you asked!" The red haired man smirked. Whoosh! He leaped right
into the air, somersaulted three times and jumped down and landed on one foot.
Kahhh.... Splat. A weak gasping sound came from under his foot, and followed by
a rasp choking voice.
"Crap!... I stepped on a rat!" the red haired man muttered to himself as he look
ed down and began shuffling mud over the dead rat with his foot. Then he began s
peaking in a clear and powerful voice. "Um, oh, right! *Ahem* From the city of C
anafis, I am known as the slayer of demons, the doom bringer of werewolves, and
the vanquisher of evil, I am... oh wait... sorry, hang on!"
He then takes out a small rectangular box shaped object from his pockets and hit
s a bright purple button on it. The strange box starts making a whirring sound,
and begins humming.
Dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun... Hanbins! *cue fireworks*
"Okay then..." said Ayumi as the four of us stared at him with a strange look. "
Well, now that's settled, why don't we head through the pipes."
"This way." said Hanbins as be began leading us through. "Be careful. There are
many giant red spiders around here, and"Look! A spider egg!" said Isaac as he picked it up. "Let's play hot potato! Spi
rit catch!"
He suddenly threw the egg at me, I reached out my arms and caught it just in tim
e. The egg began to shake in my hand, and it suddenly popped, sending gooey chun
ks all over the place along with a mixed smell of dead people, bad fruitcake, an
d monkey poo.
"Ew..." Ayumi said in disgust.
"Oooh!" exclaimed Isaac. "Look! A baby spider! Omg 1eet! I'm gonna name it Isaac
Jr."

"No offense, but is he always this stupid?" whispered Hanbins hesitantly.

"Eh, you've seen nothing yet." responded Ayumi as she sighed. "Isaac, you should
really put the spider down before the mother"Eh." replied Isaac. "Calm down, yeesh. I'm just hanging out with my new pet." T
hen he turned to the baby spider. "Who's a good boy? Who's a good boy? Yes you a
re!! Heehee."
A red thin object poked out from the darkness and tapped Isaac on the shoulder.
"Omg Spirit don't be a n00b!" yelled Isaac. "You're just jealous cause I got a n
ew pet and you don't!" He stuck his tung out.
"Um... Isaac?" I began to explain. "I'm not the one whoTap tap.
"Quit it Spirit!" shouted Isaac.
"It's not me!" I yelled back. "How can I tap you on the back when I'm standing r
ight in front of you?"
A pair of red glowing eyes appeared in the background.
"Oh wait." Isaac stopped. "You're right! Sorry lol." Then he turned around and y
elled again. "Quit it Spirit!"
Whoosh! A stream of spider webs shout out suddenly from the darkness and entangl
ed Isaac.
"Yay, free spaghetti?" said Isaac.
"Run, you idiot!" Ayumi screamed.
A giant red spider suddenly leaped five feet into the air and attached itself to
Isaac's back.
"Ahhhhh!" Isaac shrieked in terror. "Get it off! Get it off!"
Two more spiders leaped out from the ceilings and began shooting webs at Isaac.
The four of us stood in horror and/or amusement as the spiders dragged Isaac int
o the crevice. A wave of snarls, growls, and screamed echoed throughout the dark
dungeon.
"Ow! My face! Ahhhhh! NOoooooOoo0!! Ouch! Hey, a free shoe! Owwww!!!"
Then there was silence. A few minutes later, Isaac slowly limped his way out bac
k towards us. His face was all red and swollen, like an Oompa Loompa. His clothe
s were all ripped and torn.
"Hey guyz, I'm okayy!" said Isaac as he attempted to talk through his swollen fa
t lips.
Another stream of webs shout out and dragged him back in. More screams.
"Huh..." said Ayumi as she began walking. "Well, why don't we just leave the idi
ot there for a bit?"
"Are you sure that's okay?" asked Chris.

"Don't worry." said Ayumi as she smiled. "Knowing him, he'll probably catch up."
Part 13
The underground sewers of Varrock city slowly grew colder and dimmer as the sun
began to set in the golden city above. The dreary cavern walls froze over with a
thin sheet of ice, as the water began rising above our knees. We continued walk
ing as Hanbins lead us towards the moss pit at the end of the pipes.
"Ugh... this place is disgusting." complained Ayumi. "Reminds me of my magic ins
tructor's face. Look at all the spider webs and moss growing on the walls... and
the funky colored mushroo- Isaac! Don't eat the mushrooms!"
Isaac slowly shoved a giant blue mushroom into his mouth and swallowed it with a
loud gulp.
"What mushroom?" replied Isaac as his face began to shrink. "Oooooh! Lol! My han
ds are all big and funny looking! Wait a minute... I can't see my forehead anymo
re! Ahhhh! Evil mushroom!!!1111"
"You're such an idiot." sighed Ayumi. "Alright, now we just have to find the thi
ef that stole the ringWHOOSH! A giant wooden club suddenly flew through the air towards us like a boom
erang.
"Get down!" shouted Chris.
BOOM! The wooden club slammed right into the pipe, barely hitting Hanbin's shoul
der as it crushed the pipe connecting the passageway.
"Darn it!" yelled Hanbins. "It's a trap! Everyone watch outCLANK! A giant iron cage slammed on top of Hanbins, trapping him inside.
"Spirit, help me!" screamed Isaac as he began sinking lower and lower in a pit o
f green goo.
MHAHAHHAHA! You're all doomed! A dark evil laugh came from above.
"Omfg talking ceiling!!1111" exclaimed Isaac.
"Look! Above us!" I pointed towards the very top of the cavern. A strange elevat
or like object connected with rusty iron chains slowly descended from above. A m
an wearing an iron helm and a pink skirt began to taunt us as the elevator slowl
y approached the ground. He then placed his hands on the helmet, and slowly remo
ved it.
"Lol!" laughed Isaac. "Look guys! That thing has an ugly fish on its head!"
"Foolsss!" said the man as a he drooled onto his own shirt. He growls and wipes
his mouth with one of his sleeves. "Fools! That is my face, you insolent little
noob!"
"You scammer!" said Chris as he picked up his battle staff. "Give the ring back
to Ayumi before IA giant green bearded man suddenly appeared from the shadows and began choking C
hris with his chubby hands.
"Before... I ...gack!" Chris began to struggle.

"Deal with him, Oog." demanded the ugly man as he snapped with finger.
The green giant picked up Chris by the neck, walked over to a smaller pipe and j
ammed his head into it.
"Lol, u funneh man." clapped Oog in a retarded way. "Me did goood, master be pro
wd of Oog!"
"Spirit!" Ayumi yelled. "Let's beat the tar out of that ugly fishhead before he
escaped again!" She then picked up Chris' battle staff and charged at the man.
CLANK! Another green giant suddenly dropped down from the ceiling and trapped Ay
umi with a giant pot.
"Well done, Og." smirked the fishy dude.
"Yay 4 me cauze I r speshol!!111" the second green giant began to jump up and do
wn with giddy laughter.
"Now then..." The ugly man turned to me. "Five little noobs in a Varrock dungeon
, four down, how many to go?"
"Oooh! Oohh! Master me knows!!!" Oog raised his hand. "Ther r six left!"
"Yayyayayayay!" Og began to cheer and shout. "You did goood brother!! You can co
nt beter than n00bs!"
"No! There's only one!" yelled the ugly man. "See? There's only oneI began running as fast as I could.
"Catch him you worthless buffoons!" cried the ugly fish man.
"Stop calling me ugly fish man, you stupid narrator!" the ugly fish man yelled a
gain.
I continued running with Oog and Og chasing behind me. Their heavy footsteps sla
mmed into the ground with every single step.
"Hey Oog!" shouted Og. "I betz you my toosebrush that me kills n0ob!"
"Ooookay!" replied Oog. "But if I crush no0b 'den I getz my toosebrushes too!"
"Huh? Wut u say?" asked Og.
"I no say nuthin, why you ask me?" responded Oog.
"Hey, wher da no0b goes?" asked Og.
"Turn around you butcher shop rejects!" I yelled as I hurled a rock at the moss
giants.
POW! It slammed right into Oog's eye, as he began to wave his arms in tantrum. S
MACK! He then nailed Og right in the nose.
"Ow! Why you hit me brother?" shouted Og angrily as he punched Oog in the face.
"no0b's fault, not Og's fault. You smack n00by next time not Og."
"Shut up moo-ron!" screamed Oog as he swung his fist at Og. "You no hit me! I r

stronger 'dan jo0."

"No, master says Og better than Oog cause Og lieks egg!" shouted Og as he nailed
Oog in the stomach with a plank.
"Ooh yah? Well I hates you cauze you sat on my GenieR00b action figer!" roared O
og.
"No!" replied Og. "You sated on that with your own fat bum!"
Then the two moss giants began to insult and hit each other. "Master says u noob
!" *Punch* "Nu-uh you no0bier!" *kick* "I stil gots more power 'dan you!" *smack
* "Lay off teh donuts would jo0 fatso?" *Slap*
"Hehe. Idiots." I thought to myself as I began running towards the moss pit as f
ast as I could. Hopefully the others are holding out against the ugly man...
"Wait a minute!" I yelled. "Isn't that my backpack?" I ran towards the water, do
ve right in and swam to the other side. "Whoo! There's still some pie leftover i
n it!"
I continued running through the icy path until I eventually ended up back in the
moss pit. Ayumi, Isaac, Chris, and Hanbins were tied up to a wooden pole, and a
ring of fire surrounded them.
"Welcome back, noob!" sneered the ugly man.
"Let them go now!" I took a giant cabbage from my backpack and hurled it at him.
"And give us back the ring!"
"Oh! You mean... this ring?" said the ugly man in a sarcastic way. He takes out
the ruby ring from his pockets, places it on his finger and began to polish the
ruby with his thumb.
"Hahahaha!" laughed the ugly man. "Fools. Apparently you have no idea what this
is worth... This is part of the legendary ring of chaos, known as the Apocalypse
. It was worn by the demon lord Zamorak himself during the great war ten years a
go. You fools. I shall now reveal to you its true power!!!"
He pointed his finger at me, an aura of flames began encircling his hand, as the
ring began to glow bright red.
"Prepare to be annihilated!" said the ugly man. The ring was now humming as a re
d flare sparked through the dark cold air. I took out another cabbage from my ba
ckpack, and prepared to toss.
"DIE!!!"
Part 14
A cold bitter wind blew across the moss pit as the scammer and I pointed our wea
pons at each other and prepared to strike. Sweat began running down the ugly man
's face, as he held the glowing ruby ring and was ready to fire.
"MHAHAHAHAHA!" laughed the ugly man. "Prepare to be incinerated, n00blet!"
"In your dreams!" I yelled as I threw a giant cabbage at him.
"Your puny lettuce fruit cannot hurt me!" shouted the ugly man as he waved his h
and. The ruby ring suddenly let out a bright red beam of light, and whoosh! The
cabbage fell to the ground in a pile of darkened ashes.

"Lololololololol!" taunted the man as he pointed the ruby ring towards me. "What
are you gonna do? Kill me with your bronze?"
I took a step back and picked up a rock. The ruby ring on the scammer's hand beg
an to glow once more. Then he suddenly stopped.
"Maybe I should tell you my name before I kill you..." said the man. "Ah, yes, m
ost brilliant idea."
He began walking towards me. I started to move away from him slowly, but he bega
n walking faster.
"Don't run away from me yet!" exclaimed the man. "I'm not gonna kill you until l
ater!"
"No... it's not that." I replied hesitantly.
"Aha! My overwhelming power is too much for you, isn't it noob?" gloated the ugl
y man. "Yes... this will be a most enjoyable slaughter..."
"Actually..." I began to reply. It's your face... it reminds me of a squirrel th
at got hit by the Lumby taxi wagon when I was little."
"D'oh!" the man began stomping the ground in anger. "I was born that way! Don't
be mean!! My mommy said I was special!!" then he cleared his throat and continue
d to speak. "Ahem. Now as I was saying, I am the greatest known scammer in all o
f varrock, I have scammed over hundreds of people out of their hard earned items
and cash, and I am the absolute best when it comes to cheap tactics, I am known
as... Ballistar!!"
Ballistar... star... star... star... CLUNK!
"Shut up already with the echoes!" I yelled as I hurled a rock at him.
"OW!! What do you know? It makes the scene more dramatic!!" responded Ballistar
as he rubbed his forehead in pain.
"You're just a said little man with no skills! And you live in a shack!" yelled
Ayumi in a muffled voice. "Loser! Wait till I get my hands on your ugly mug!"
"Ayumi!" I called out for her. "Where are you?"
"Silence!" shouted Ballistar angrily. He then waved his hand and pointed the rin
g towards them, and a jet of flames shot out as the moss on the walls began to c
atch on fire.
"Now... noob." said Ballistar angrily. "No more interruptions... you play by my
rules, or your friends die, got that?"
"Oooh! A game!" I exclaimed. "I know! Let's flip a coin! Heads I win, tails you
lose, and if I win then you let my friends go and give us the ring back, okay?"
"Hmm... that seems reasonable." replied Ballistar. "Yes... yes. A game would be
most appropriate... and if I win, then I'll kill all of you!"
A took out a gold piece from my pockets, and flipped it into the air and caught
it with one hand as Ballistar watch with anticipation.
"Heads. I win." I showed the coin to Ballistar.

"What? No fair! Two out of three!" he demanded.

"Alright." I tossed the coin into the air again, and reached out my hand in atte
mpt to catch it. Then all of a sudden Ballistar jumps right into the air and sna
tches it away from me.
"Tails. You lose." I said. "Now give us back the ring and let my friends go!"
"Grr... You're cheating somehow!" cursed Ballistar as he began to pout. "But it
doesn't matter. Bad guys don't play by the rules, noob!"
He pointed the ring towards me, and let out the most retarded sounding laugh eve
r.
"MHHAHAHAHHAHHA!" yelled Ballistar as his hair began to fall off. "Yes... I AM B
ALLISTAR!! I shall never be defeated by a noob like you!!! I... HATE... LOSING!!
!"
The cave began to rumble as the ground started to crack and shatter. I started r
unning towards Ayumi, and leaped over the wall of fire.
Slash! I picked up Isaac's steel sword and slashed the ropes in half.
"Everyone! Get out of here! The cave is going to collapse!" yelled Hanbins as th
e five of us started running for our lives. A bright golden light suddenly appea
red in the middle of the moss pit, and began radiating throughout the entire dun
geon.
"Aww crap it's Saradomin!" shouted Ballistar as he hid behind a pot full of gree
n goo. "Go away Saradomin, I ain't got your stupid blankey!"
"Wait a minute..." exclaimed Chris the mage. "That's not Saradomin, that's... th
at's...."
Whoosh! A brilliant ray of golden light shot from the light and illuminated the
entire dungeon. A man in full shining gold armor appeared and was hovering in mi
d air as he flapped his glowing wings.
"It's the pizza delivery man!" yelled Isaac as he began running towards the gold
en mystical being.
"OH NO IT'S THE HIGH COUNCIL!!" screamed Ballistar in fear as he pointed towards
the man's armor, which had the word Jgaex Jagex written on it.
The high council man began to speak in a majestic thundering tone. "Your time ha
s come, scammer. You shall be punished."
He slowly approached Ballistar, and drew a golden blade from his back.
"Oh no! Please! No!!" pleaded Ballistar. "I promise I'll never scam someone ever
again!"
The high councilor suddenly stopped and began to think. "Well, I...
"Sucker!" shouted Ballistar as he suddenly pulled out his ring and shot a jet of
flames right into the man's face. "No body screws with Ballistar, sucker!!!! HA
HAHAHHAAA!"
CLUNK! The ruby ring flew right out of Ballistar's hand as the high councilor sw

ung his sword.

"That wasn't such a good idea." said the councilor. "Now you'll really ... aww c
rap my fly's open *zip* Now you'll really have to suffer." he picked up his swor
d and began charging it with a mystical energy.
"No! Please!!!" cried Ballistar as he began bowing down over and over again. "I'
ll never scam again!"
The entire cave began flashing in waves of light and sparking rays of energy as
the councilor flew into the air and prepared an aerial attack for Ballistar. He
gripped onto the golden blade with both hands, and dashed towards Ballistar with
blazing speed.
BAN...ZOR... BLADE!!!!!!
"Fr33 st0f plz!!!!" shouted Isaac as he lunged for the councilor.
"What?" the councilor suddenly turned as Isaac leaped onto his cape. "NOOOOOO! M
y sword!" yelled the councilor as his weapon flashed twice in an aura of brillia
nce. WHOOSH! A beam of light shot from the sword through the top of the sewer ce
iling. All the people walking on the streets above began gathering near the gap
though the ground, as Ballistar took this chance and escaped through the crowd.
"Look!" shouted an old man from above. "It's one of those Jagex council people!"
"Oh my gosh!" exclaimed a young lady as the crowd began jumping down into the mo
ss pit. "You're right! Everyone! It's one of the Jagex people!"
"When are you going to teach us how to make houses?" asked a voice as the crowd
slowly surrounded the man. All the people started movie in closer and closer lik
e a bunch of hungry wolves awaiting for its kill.
"What did you do to the flax plants?!?"
"Give us more yew trees!"
"Why aren't there any banks on Karamja?"
"Marry me!"
"Monster slaying sucks! My arm got eaten by a banshee!"
"do0d i lost my phat can u plz giv me one 4 fr23?!/1/oneoneshifteleventyseven!!1
/1////1eoneone"
"Ahhhh!" the Jagex man began screaming. "Too many questions!!! One at a time!!!"
"Spirit!" Ayumi yelled. "Get the ring! Hurry!"
"Right!" I began running through the crowd as the ring sparkled slightly in the
sea of people. "I found itOOOF! A fat man came running through the crowd and knocked the ring right out of
my hands. It made a clear crystal like sound as it dropped to the ground.
CRUNCH.
"Oh no."
Part 15
"Give us free stuff! Give us free stuff!"

The citizens of Varrock began rushing into the sewers to the one of the legendar
y Jagex council members. They quickly started to gather and attempted to shove t
heir way in, and continued to push the golden armored man back further and furth
er.
"Fix the roads north of Mortania!"
"wuts ur favorit genie rob episod?1/1/"
"Teach us how to make furniture!"
"Write a book on farming!"
"lol i bet i can gues ur underwar colour!!111"
The Jagex man began to panic, and started running. All of a sudden the fat man r
an towards him and tackled him down into the ground.
"Down with Jagex!" shouted the fat man as he roared and pummeled the councilor i
n the face.
"No... wait!" the Jagex councilor struggled to get free. He attempted to stand u
p with all of his strength, and pointed towards the ceiling. "Look! There's a sy
stem update! Um... free party hats to everyone!"
"Ha!" shouted a girl as she picked up a torch. "We're not that stupid! You'll ha
ve to do better than to trick us! Down with Jagex!"
"Spirit!" shouted Ayumi as she dragged the glowing golden sword and placed it in
to my backpack. "Hide this for now, it'll probably be worth something in the mar
kets. I have to go find the ruby ring, get the others and meet me outside!"
"Ayumi!" I yelled as she dove into the rampaging crowd. "Come back! It's not wor
th it! JustPOW! The fat man punched the councilor again. "Tell us now or I'll sock you agai
n!"
The jagex man started to crawl away, but the crowd picked up his feet and dragge
d him back into the moss pit. His golden shining helmet was now all dusty and de
nted, as his bruised black eye and missing teeth were clearly visible.
"Please!" The councilor pleaded. "I don't know anything... AHHHH!!!!"
I took this chance and started dashing towards Isaac, who was standing with Hanb
ins and Chris.
"Let's get out of here!" I shouted. The four of us climbed onto the walls and be
gan moving upwards. The bright morning sunlight shined through the top of the ga
p in the ceiling, as I climbed back out into the streets of Varrock. Punches and
screams were heard in the background, as someone shouted "Screw you Andrew, you
couldn't pay me enough for this job!!" in a bloodcurdling scream.
"Wow!" said Isaac. "That was more fun than a coaster ride! Let's do that again!"
"No, you idiot!" yelled Ayumi as she slapped Isaac on the back of the head. She
then held out her hand and showed him the broken pieces of the ruby ring. "Look
what they did. Now the magic powers are completely gone, not to mention it's wor
thless too."
"Hmm..." Hanbins stood up. "Not completely, I think I might know someone who mig
ht be able to fix it. He doesn't live too far away, it's only about sixty miles
across the mountains in the village of Canafis."

"Omg sixty miles!!!1" exclaimed Isaac. "That'll take us weeks to get there!"
"Actually, it won't." replied Hanbins as he picked up his mithril battle axe. "W
e'll just take a taxi-wagon, it'll only take like, um... three hours."
"Well... it's worth a try." said Ayumi as she waved her hand. A bright yellow ho
rse wagon galloped by, and stopped at the side of the road. "Alright. Let's go!"
Chris suddenly stopped, and began to speak hesitantly. "Guys, I won't be able to
go Canafis with you. I'm sorry. I need to complete my own task that was given t
o me, and deliver some plague samples to my old mentor. It's been very nice trav
eling with you guys."
The entire group stared at him with shock and disbelief.
"Chris... how could you?" Isaac asked. "After all that we've been through?"
"Besides, I'm missing the GenieRob show too." Chris continued. "Now if you'll ex
cuse me, I'd like to catch the re-run."
"Oh." said Isaac with a tone of understanding. "Well, in that case, kthxbyeItsbe
enfunTapeitformeplz!!!1"
"Take care now." said Ayumi as she waved goodbye.
"You too." smiled Chris as he began walking into the sunset, er... sunrise.
--I couldn't help but wonder, and even feel a bit sad that Chris was leaving us. W
ith him gone, our team has now lost a great friend, and one of the best wizards
I have ever seen in my life.
SMACK!
"What was that, Spirit?" asked Ayumi in an annoyed tone as she slapped me on the
back of the head.
"Um, nothing." I smiled. We were now heading towards the eastern mountains of Va
rrock, as the city and all of its memories slowly disappeared from the horizon.
The taxi ride was long and boring in the beginning, and it soon got kind of anno
ying.
"Are were there yet?!?" asked Isaac.
"No." replied Ayumi.
I opened up my backpack, and found the golden glowing sword that Ayumi had place
d. I almost forgot about that. I picked it up and held the blade up against the
sunlight. The word "BANZ0R" was written vertically, almost as if it were imprint
ed into the blade itself.
"Are were there yet?!?" asked Isaac.
The sword began flashing, and the light must have caused Hanbins' attention. Ayu
mi then looked up too, and the sword began to shake.
"Are were there- Oooh! Shiny!" said Isaac as he reached out his finger to touch
the sword.
WHOOSH! A bright radiant flash of light filled the cabin of the taxi-wagon. The

horses went into a panic, and started rampaging uncontrollably. Snap! The ropes
that held the taxi-wagon broke into two pieces, the driver flew began screaming
like a little girl as the horses sped down the dusty clay road.
"Ow..." I felt a sharp pain in my hand.
"Spirit, are you okay?" asked Hanbins.
"Yeah, I'm fine." I slowly picked up the sword and looked at it. It was now diff
erent, somehow. The words "n00beh" appeared on the edge of the blade, flashed on
ce, and disappeared again.
"Oooh!" exclaimed Isaac. "Let's do it again!"
WHOOSH! Just when Isaac attempted to grab the sword with his hand, the sword let
out a shockwave and hit him in the b... um, face.
"OWW!!!!" screamed Isaac as he began crying uncontrollably. "That hurts! I'm gon
na sue your momSomething didn't seem right. I slowly looked outside the window, and saw massive
clumps of roots, vines, moss, and gooey pits of aqua stuff everywhere. The sun
was nowhere in sight, as an eternal cape of darkness shadowed over this forsaken
land.
"Where are we?" asked Isaac as the four of us got out from the wagon.
"This is... wait a minute..." gasped Hanbins. "This doesn't seem right..."
"Look!" I yelled as I pointed towards a sign. "Welcome to Mortania, where death
is only the beginning."
Part 16
Awhoooooooooooooo!
The howls of a wolf filled the air as the full moon shined brightly about the da
rk clouds. What seemed like a giant blanket of darkness has now covered every in
ch of the sky, and we were no longer able to tell the difference between day and
night, only with the full moon as our guide.
"Omg!" exclaimed Isaac. "Werewolves! They're gonna eat us all alive!"
"Nah, don't worry." said Hanbins. "That's just some of the locals, they're usual
ly like that after dark. But to be safe, we should head into town after the moon
has set anyway."
"What is this place?" asked Ayumi.
"I think we're getting pretty close to my hometown of Canafis." replied Hanbins.
"I can already smell that moonlight something ale coming from the pub."
"Alright." said Ayumi as she began unpacking our supplies from the wagon. "Let's
set up camp then."
Within minutes, we had a couple of tents set up, and a bonfire in the middle. Th
e weather was quite cold, not in a freezing way, but something else in the air j
ust sent a chill straight down my spine.
"Isaac!" yelled Ayumi. "What in the world are you doing?"

I turned around to look at him. There he was, walking in circles with a cheese g
rater and a piece of stale mozzarella in his hands. He then looked up and began
speaking.
"What?" replied Isaac. "I'm scaring away the werewolves!"
"With cheese?" questioned Ayumi.
"Well, duh!" Isaac explained. "Vampires don't like garlic, so therefore werewolv
es must dislike cheese. I grew up in Draynor, I know how to deal with these crea
tures of darkness! And besides, cheese is very tasty too!" he then began biting
into the cheese, shredding it with his teeth and mumbling something about GenieR
ob and continued on.
"Oh well." I began walking into one of the tents. "I'm heading off to sleep, nig
ht."
Ayumi and Hanbins each walked into a tent of their own, closed the blinds and be
gan to sleep. Isaac, on the other hand, continued eating the cheese as he stoppe
d every so often to put some shreds on the ground.
"Aww crap!" said Isaac as his stomach began to growl and churn. "I don't feel so
well, I gotta go find a poobucket!"
He ran off into the woods.
--About half and hour passed since Isaac ran off. He still hasn't come back yet, b
ut for the purpose of his business, I decided not to go look for him.
"Where's Isaac?" asked Ayumi as she walked out of her tent, still half asleep.
"I don't know..." I replied. "I think he went to use the bathroom, but I haven't
seen him backAHHHHHHHHHHHH!
A loud, awakening scream came deep from the forest. Hanbins woke up, grabbed his
mithril battle axe and ran from the camp.
"The undead are coming!" shouted Hanbins. "Brace yourselves!"
Whoosh! A one armed zombie suddenly leaped out from the forest, with one hand on
its face. Another zombie came running through our camp, followed by three vampi
res of different heights, and a ghost that held a transparent leech in its arm.
"Die, foul creatures of the grave!" shouted Hanbins as he swung his axe towards
one of the zombies. CLUNK! The zombie's head flew four feet away, and landed int
o a nearby bog pit.
"You people suck!" shouted one of the vampires as he kicked a clod of dirt at Ha
nbins. "I hate you living people! Go home you dip wads!"
"No, Sparky, don't eat the cheese on the ground." said the ghost as it kicked th
e leech softly. "Oh, um... yeah! I hate you living people! Go die! Oh wait, don'
t. We don't want you anyway!"
"Yeah, scram!" yelled another vampire angrily. "You're messing up our forest, go
use the bathroom elsewhere!"

"What?" shouted Ayumi with a surprised look. She then turned around and glared a
t me. "You moron! You were supposed to be watching Isaac!"
"Me?" I replied. "You were the one that didn't do anything about his bad cheese!
"
"Somebody help me..." *glub* moaned the severed zombie head as it sank into the
bog.
"Oh my god..." groaned Ayumi as she smacked Hanbins on the head.
--Five minutes later.
"...and your stupid friend stunk up the entire graveyard!!!" roared one of the v
ampires angrily as the ghost nodded.
"Seriously, somebody needs to put your friend on a leash." said the zombie. "But
hey! That's one of the advantages to being dead, you don't have to go! Ahahahah
aha!"
"Hey guys, what's going on?" said Isaac as he walked up to the group.
"There's that pooper!" said the zombie angrily as he stood up and kicked Isaac i
n the shins.
"Everyone beat him up!" shouted one of the vampires as all the of the undead beg
an piling Isaac and throwing punches at him.
"Um... wait a minute, can't we talk about this?" I said. "Now hold on for a seco
nd!"
"Ow... Hey, that's MY face!" screamed Isaac. "Ouch! Ayumi, help me! Ack! That st
ings! Ayumi, help me"Back you foul beasts! Ferio Cadaverous!"
An orb of pure energy suddenly shot out from nowhere, burst right into the zombi
e's arm and disintegrated it right off.
"Aww crud!" complained the ghost. "It's that stupid exorcist they hired! Scatter
!"
The zombie then used its remaining arm, picked up a couple of dirt clods and thr
ew it at our faces.
"Look behind you!" he said.
Ayumi and I turned around suddenly, and turned back. There was nothing there. Th
e undead creatures had disappeared, and the man who fought the undead away now s
lowly approached us. He wore a strange aqua pastel outfit that blended in with t
he dark surroundings, and had some kind of green book in his right hand. A mysti
cal weapon of some sort was half concealed under his robes, and he walked every
step as if only his shadow existed.
"Thanks for getting rid of them for us," I began to speak. "I"Get out." said the man.

"What?" said Ayumi angrily. "Who are you to tell us what to do?"
"By the decree established by Lord Franken... Franken. Ugh! Frankensomething! Th
ere! Um, right. That all properties within four miles of the castle belong to hi
m solely. Any trespassers will be dealt with immediately, and will be punished s
everely.
"Aww, go die you stupid..." mumbled Hanbins as he picked up his mithril battle a
xe and prepared to strike.
The man sighed and drew a silver-whitish dagger from his belt. "Looks like we're
going to have to do this the hard way."
Part 17
"This is your last warning." said the man as he drew his silver dagger and slowl
y prepared to strike.
"Go away!" shouted Isaac. "I don't see your name on the land, so you can't make
us!"
The aqua robed man growled stormily, raised his dagger and slashed furiously at
a nearby tree. His dagger carved away so quickly at the tree that when he finish
ed, black smoke emitted from the blade marks.
"Get lost or else die, nubs...nobs-" Isaac began reading.
"Noobs!" shouted the man angrily as he pointed his dagger towards Isaac. "That's
it, I'm gonna have to teach you a lesson!"
He swung his dagger towards Isaac as he took out a chaos rune. Isaac took a step
back, and slashed at him with his steel blade.
CLUNK! The sound of swords clashing awoke every single undead in the entire mist
filled forest. Soon creatures from the grave began gathering and cheering at th
e fight, which has now lasted about ten minutes.
"Fight! Fight!" chanted the undead creatures.
"Come on!" said Hanbins. "Keep up your guard on the right!"
SLASH! Isaac dashed towards the man suddenly and cut a piece of his blue cape ri
ght off.
"Damn you!" cursed the man. "I liked this cape!"
WHOOSH! He plunged towards Isaac with his silver dagger. Isaac quickly reacted a
nd leaped back, dodging the hit.
"You're good!" said Isaac.
"Thanks... Er, ack! Don't distract me!" replied the man.
Isaac then gripped his steel sword with both hands, stepped back slightly with h
is right foot, and prepared an attack. He then charged towards the man, jumping
three feet into the air as he swung his sword at the man with all his strength.
"STAND AND DELIVER!!" yelled Isaac as he dashed past the man with breakneck spee
d.
SPLAT.

"Guys! Help me!!!" Shouted Isaac as he struggled to free himself from sinking in
to a nearby bog. "Spirit!! Don't let him win..." *glub glub glub*
I felt myself shaking with fear, knowing that I've never had any real hand to ha
nd combat experience even after traveling with Ayumi and Isaac for so long. I pa
nicked and reached for my bronze dagger, but then realized that it was broken du
ring the fight back in the sewers.
"Well? Are you doing to leave or do I have to make you too?" questioned the man.
"Um... I-" Suddenly I felt a strange wave of energy from within my backpack. I c
ould feel the Banz0r blade, glowing in a bright golden light while giving off a
radiant flash of energy every time it pulsed.
Whoosh! The golden sword suddenly flew into the air and spun until it landed wit
h a loud "thunk" noise. I picked up the sword as I felt its beat slowly synchron
izing with my own heart. I suddenly felt empowered and found a hidden courage to
fight. I held onto the sword and was now ready.
"Eh..." said the man as he drew out an oak longbow. "This is stupid. I won't was
te my energy on some noob with a weapon that he can barely use."
The picked up the an iron arrow from a hidden quicker near his cape and strung h
is bow. He then pointed his arrow towards me and pulled back his weapon as far a
s he could.
"Go Spirit!!11" exclaimed Isaac as Hanbins slowly pulled him out from the bog pi
t.
"I'd hate to do this, but die." said the man as he released the arrow.
Whoosh! I could now slowly feel the arrow approaching me as I stood helplessly w
ith the Banz0r blade in my hand. I felt somewhat helpless. For the first time I
understood what it really means to be in danger. I could feel my heart beat quic
ker as time slowly froze, the sword now pulsed its energy much quicker too, and
before I knew it, the sword had somehow taken over my body.
CLUNK! I unknowingly swung the golden blade and deflected the arrow with a split
second before it could strike. The heavy, golden weapon now was lighter than a
feather, at the same time I felt as if I knew every single sword style and techn
ique in the world.
"Alright!" I began advancing towards the man with confidence, as he began steppi
ng back. I could feel the weapon getting stronger every single second, as I atte
mpted to attack.
WHOOSH! The Banz0r blade then engulfed itself in a beam of white light, as I fel
t the energy aura spreading throughout the entire forest. The undead all began c
overing their eyes as they moaned in pain and confusion. I then suddenly felt th
e sword picking itself up and whispering something in my ear. I pointed the swor
d towards the man, and slashed with all of my might.
"BAN..."
He began to hesitate.
"Z0R..."
A beam of holy light shot throughout the entire forest as it disintegrated every

single undead in sight. Ayumi, Hanbins, and Isaac all stopped and watched in co
nsternation and dismay.
"BLADE!!!!!!"
A white flash of light now overwhelmed the entire forest. I couldn't tell exactl
y what happened next, as it all occurred within a few seconds. The next thing I
saw was my opponent in a blocking position, ready for my attack. He then realize
d that something must have already happened, or didn't happen, and stood up.
"What happened?" asked Ayumi.
"I don't know..." I replied. "There's something wrong with the sword!"
Poof! The sword's light became weaker and weaker as the pulses stopped. It has t
urned from a brilliant golden blade to a slightly grayish color.
"Low batteries. Please recharge." hummed the sword.
"Oh my gosh!!!111" exclaimed Isaac as he jumped into Ayumi's arms. "The sword ta
lks!!11"
"Low batteries. Please recharge." said the sword once more.
"What the heck...?" the man put away his dagger and began walking over to examin
e the sword.
"Recharge! Recharge! Recharge! Recharge!" the sword began buzzing.
"Um... huh?" I felt the sword suddenly become heavy as it was before. It no long
er had the weight of a feather, as instead it felt like it weighed a ton."
"Would you like to continue playing without saving?" asked the sword.
I then stopped to look at the others. The man was now no longer fighting us, as
his curiosity for the weapon overwhelmed his eagerness to fight. Even Ayumi seem
ed puzzled by this, as the five of us stared at the dimming weapon as it repeate
d its question over and over.
Part 18
"Would you like to continue playing without saving?" asked the sword.
"Um... yes?" I replied hesitantly.
"Overriding save file, please do not turn off the power." buzzed the sword.
Isaac, Ayumi, Hanbins, and the aqua robed man all stood and watched patiently as
the sword's glowing edge slowly dimmed down, until it finally turned to this si
lverfish grey color.
"Saving complete." said the sword as it dropped to the ground. I picked it up an
d carefully brushed the dirt off, hoping not to set of any weird reaction from t
he magic sword.
"Man, what in the world is this thing?" asked Hanbins.
"I've never seen anything like this before." said man in the aqua pastel robes.
"But I would like to know more about this mysterious artifact."
"Dude, get lost!" exclaimed Isaac angrily. "First you try to drive us off the la

nd, now you want to stick your nose in our business? Jerk!"
"Fine!" shouted the man as he roared at Isaac. "I'm sorry, okay? Soo-reee! Well,
I think I might know someone who can figure out where the sword came from. We c
an ask Dr. Frankstrain, um, Franken... something! ...He's an expert on many diff
erent things, and one of the most brilliant inventors ever in the land of Mortan
ia!
"Why should we trust you?" asked Ayumi. "You just tried to kill us five minutes
ago."
The man sighed, and began to speak in an apologetic and sincere tone. "Please, I
apologize for the way I have acted before. I am but a simple assistant working
for Dr. Frank... uh, Dr. F, I am always overworked by that man, and paid with mi
nimum wage, I have a pet cat, an ogre, a terrabird, and a rock to feed, and if s
omebody disturbs him while he's working, I'll be fired from the job! Please, it
would mean a lot to me, and you won't regret it."
"Oh fine." said Ayumi. "But you better not try anything funny. If you do, we'll"Beat you on the knee with a baseball bat and make you sing the Faladonian natio
nal anthem while juggling bags of monkey poop, hopping on one foot and counting
backwards from elventy-seven!" shouted Isaac.
WHAM!
"Um, no." continued Ayumi as she hit Isaac in the face with a rock. "We'll simpl
y toss you in the bog."
"Alright!" exclaimed the man as he bowed to Ayumi. "Thank you so much miss! My n
ame is Chroz, by the way, very pleased to meet all of you. I am from the city of
Rimmington down in the south, and my parents have always raised me as the adven
turous sort of person, but now I have to pay for my education and they fired me
at my part time job at the Karamja Fried Chicken store, and...
Four hours later.
...when all of a sudden some vampire ran past me screaming "Ahhhh! Somebody poop
ed on my salad!" and I ran towards here and met you guys!" said Chroz as he take
s a deep breath. "Anyhow, that's when I met your friend who had the weird glowy
sword and I thought oh my god I'm gonna die but then the sword deactivated and s
tarted shouting crap and I came and took a look...
Another four hours later.
... and Wow!
ombie monkey
him into the
out a silver
where and he

A pie was found on the ground, but before I could get to it, some z
popped from the ground, kicked my friend in the behind and knocked
bog, and stole the pie and flipped the bird at us, but then I took
dagger and stabbed him and his brains went spewing green goop every
got mad so I-

"SHUT UP!!!!!!!" screamed Hanbins at the top of his lungs. "If I have to hear an
other one of your stupid stories, my brain is going to explode!!"
Chroz stopped suddenly, smiled and continued speaking. "Hey, did I ever tell you
the story of little Timmy who fell in a well but ended up in Zamorak's garage?
Well once upon a time there was this curious little boy who loved digging but ac
cidentally got duck droppings on the High Mage Andrew's shoe and got thrown into
a well and when Zamorak was watching tv and then-" he stopped suddenly. "Hey, w
e're here!"

The five of us stopped at a giant abandoned castle in the middle of nowhere, sur
rounded by dead dandelions and the most beautiful moonlight behind the scenery.
I looked around and saw werewolves running by in packs playing tag, and zombies
whacking each other with shovels. There were two huge stone gargoyles that sat i
n the middle of the bridge leading to the castle, and they all wore funny hats a
nd had pieces of their wings missing.
"Here we are!" said Chroz once more as he led us towards the giant granite doors
. He took out a green marker of some sort, drew a smile face on the door as it s
uddenly began to glow and shine. The door began creaking, and within seconds it
had opened.
"Oh, hello Chroz." said a silver haired girl in a fancy accent. "I see you have
brought some visitors, splendid!"
"Good afternoon, Hilda. Is the doctor here?" asked Chroz as he took the Banz0r b
lade from me and held it out for the girl to see. "There's something that I woul
d like him to see."
The silver haired girl leaned over as her neck reached out. Isaac suddenly let o
ut a gasp as the moonlight slowly revealed Hilda's appearance. She had the body
of a wolf-like creature, the neck of a giraffe, the hoofs of a unicorn, and the
head of a human with a key on her neck.
"Isaac, don't be rude." whispered Ayumi. "She's just, um... special. There's not
hing to be afraid of. She's just a normal person, uh, thing like the rest of us"Pony ride!" shouted Isaac as he climbed onto Hilda's back and grabbed her ponyt
ails.
"Well, I beg your pardon!" said Hilda as she galloped around, threw Isaac off su
ddenly onto the wooden bridge, and bashed his face a couple of times of her hoof
s.
"Um... yeah." said Ayumi. "You'll have to excuse our friend. He's a bit... R-E-T
-A-R-D-E-D."
"Hey, who are you calling a Reet...der?" shouted Isaac angrily.
"Please, come this way." said Hilda as she led the five of us into the castle. "
This castle is an absolute grand building, a wonderful piece of architecture bui
lt in the pre-scythe warp time. The first lord of this castle has passed away a
few years ago, and our doctor has recently settled here to conduct his experimen
ts."
BOOM!
"Well, that must be him." said Hilda. "Now if you'll excuse me, I've got to go p
ut some ointment on my third eye."
"What's wrong with your third eye?" asked Isaac.
"Um... I don't think you'll want to know." I said.
CLUNK! The doors leading to the second floor suddenly flew open, as a semi bald
man wearing a crusty lab coat came sliding down the rails.
"Helloo my visitors!" shouted the man. "Welcome, to my lablo-ratory!! Oh! Helloo
there Chroz, what you bring for ze doctor today?"

"Guys, meet Dr. Franksterum... sta..., uh, Dr. F!" announced Chroz as he smiled
nervously.
"Oh good good!" cried the doctor happily. "Are zey the new lab experiments? I'd
love to experiment on ze stupid one ovar there! Aghahhahaha!!!"
"Um, no sir." replied Chroz. "They are my friend, we just want your expert opini
on on a certain strange weapon that we have come across, and I would like to"Well too bad!" said the doctor. "I need a new brain as for ze old one, uh, how
you say, suckz0rs! Attikus!!"
A spider/monkey/man suddenly dropped from the sky and landed on the stairs. He s
kittered his way across and placed his hand on a lever.
"Doctor!" shouted Chroz. "What are you doing? They are our guests!"
"NO!" growled the doctor as he began laughing like a madman. "Zey are simply lab
experiments to me now! As for you, I shall make you funky creature too for you
don't put down zat toilet seat!"
The spider/monkey/man pulled the switch, as the floor suddenly opened up and the
five of us fell into a pit of darkness and pain. The evil doctor continued to l
augh as the rain began to pour and leak through the windows. Bolts of lightning
clashed in the eternally dark skies, as we waited for our fate.
Part 19
"Spirit..."
A drop of water fell from the ceiling and awakened me. I opened my eyes and look
ed around. Everything seemed blurry as my head was still dizzy from the fall. We
were in some kind of underground cellar of some sort.
"Spirit, oh finally you're awake!" said Ayumi.
I looked around and saw nothing but darkness. I could hear bats flying around an
d screeching in search of flesh and blood. Something just didn't seem right.
"Ayumi," I asked. "Where is Isaac?"
She didn't answer. I could barely see her in the darkness, but she seemed to be
crying. Tears began running down her cheek as she sobbed in despair.
"Oh, Spirit!" she suddenly embraced me as she cried louder. "They killed everyon
e!"
I didn't know what to say. Everything seemed so sudden and unreal. My eye blurre
d as the entire world just seemed to turn and spin. I wanted everything to go ba
ck to normal again, just my friends and I, picking cabbage and eating pie.
"Spirit..." Ayumi suddenly moved closer. I heard her heart beating faster and fa
ster as time suddenly stopped in a whirl of grey and black. She then closed her
eyes and kissed me on the lips.
"Mwm!!11 What the heck is going on?!" I attempted to struggle and move away. She
hugged me and moved closer. Her hair smelled like fresh lavenders as her arms w
rapped themselves around my back. She was very pretty.
"Ayumi! What are you doing?" I cried out as I began to blush. "I don't like you

like that! Um, sure, you're pretty but I only like you as a friend! Um... I thin
k."
"Spirit... Please." she attempted to kiss me once more and I jumped back suddenl
y. I then took out an apple pie and threw it at her face.
Splat.
"You're not Ayumi!" I cried out. She then stood up, wiped the pie away from her
face and glared at me. Her face was completely in the shadow as her eyes suddenl
y flared up in a demonic red color.
"Damn you noob!" shouted Ayumi as she suddenly cried out in pain. The air around
her suddenly warped, as the entire cellar started to disappear, revealing a roo
m with brightly lit lights and strange metallic tools everywhere. It reminded me
of a surgeon room in those old box magic shows.
"Hmm... Wunderful!!" said the doctor as he walked towards me from a platform. "S
ubject showing no signs of disorientation after given ze initial experiment poti
on... oh, by the way Azella, are you taking notes?"
"Yes doctor." replied a lady with long dark hair and pale skin.
"Very good!" cried the doctor. "But I dunt understand, tell me noob, why you did
not think she was your friend?"
"Simple." I replied. "Ayumi's not that kind of mushy lovey person, and she'll pr
obably kill me if I ever kissed her in real life, heh."
"Shall we try a different method, doctor?" asked the pale girl.
"No, no, Azella." replied the doctor. "Zat will not be necessary. Bring me ze op
erating tools, I shall make use of his brain as of now!"
"WHAT?!?" I shouted as I began to struggle and attempted to free myself from the
bloodstained operating table. The dark haired girl walked over and began whispe
ring in my ears. She was very pretty, there was just something about her that I
can't take my eyes off of. Her eyes were like cold, dark, diamonds, and she wore
a really long black overcoat and a dark skirt, and various metal weapons and sh
arp objects dangling from her belt and wrists.
"Don't worry." said Azella as she took out a black dagger from her belt. "This i
s all going to be over soon."
She raised her hand and pointed the sinister looking knife towards me. She then
brought it down to my neck and made a slashing motion.
"Ow!" I yelled out in pain. "That hurts!"
I could feel the blood running down my neck, although the cut wasn't very deep,
it still stung like a son of a bi...scuit. Azella then leaned over and licked he
r lips slightly.
"Mmm... I love blood." she began running her tongue across the wound, sucking up
the blood as she closed her eyes and laughed in enjoyment. The doctor walked ov
er, picked up a butcher's knife and began sharpening it on a marble stone covere
d in moss.
"Now, now." said the doctor as he swung his butcher's knife and walked towards m
e. "Zis is for ze good of science! Think of it as a contribution, for your brain

shall be used in my experiment!! Bhahahhahaha!!"

"Um... don't I get any last words?" I asked hesitantly.
Azella turned to look at Dr. Frankstrain. He turned, thought for a moment.
"Eh... okay." said the doctor. "What you want?"
"Can you please bring over my backpack?" I requested.
The doctor nodded, and Azella walked over to the cabinet, opened it and brought
over my backpack. She seemed to be curious as to what was in it. Dr. Frankstrain
turned to her, took the backpack, and placed in near the operating table.
"I gotta show you something cool." I said. "Um... can you please untie me first?
"
Azella shrugged and began to unfasten the large iron buckles. I sat up, looked a
round and stretched my arms.
"Wow. That's feels nice, thanks!" I said as I reached for my backpack. I took ou
t the a giant blue cabbage and placed it near on the table. "Okay! Look at this!
"
Dr. Frankstrain and Azella both leaned over and glanced at the cabbage. The doct
or sniffed it, poked it twice with his finger, and then took a lick.
"Eh? So it is a cabbage?" said the doctor. "That's stupid. What it does?"
I walked over, picked up the cabbage and raised it over my head. Both the doctor
and Azella seemed to be surprised. They looked at me with distrust and yet curi
osity at the same time.
"Well?" questioned the doctor. I smiled.
BOOM! PFBBBBTBBTBTBBTBTBTTTTT!!!! "Haha! Suckers!!!1"
The cabbage exploded into chunks of stinky vegetable and blue goop. I picked up
my backpack and ran for my life. The cabbage continue to spew and shoot up blue
goopy stuff, and at the same time it created a really stinky gas that fogged up
the entire room.
"Quickly, he's getting away!" shouted Dr. Frankenstrain as he searched for his d
art gun in the blue fog. Azella suddenly leaped into the air, dashed forward wit
h her uber-leet ninja skills and landed behind me.
"You'll pay for that." shouted Azella calmly as she took out something sharp fro
m her belt.
Whoosh! Tak tak tak tak tak tak! A barrage of blackened throwing knives pierced
the surrounding walls as I continued to run throughout the old, eerie hallway. S
he was very fast, and pretty too, er... I mean, dangerous.
I turned around to see how close she was to killing me, but couldn't find her. I
then stopped to catch my breath, and picked up one of the darkened knives.
"Oooh... pointy." I examined the knife. I wanted to leave, but suddenly decided
to go back and pick up all the knives to trade for bronze stuff and pie later on
.

"Looking for me?" said a voice behind me as I picked up the last knife.
Whoosh! Azella suddenly jumped down from the ceiling and swung her black dagger
at me. Luckily it didn't hit me in the face as I ducked under a nearby debris.
"Ha! I'm too powerful for you!" I said to Azella and smiled. "Want some pie?"
She didn't smile back.
Part 20
"This is the part where I run away, right?" I said hesitantly.
"No. This is the part where the noob dies, good-bye." said Azella as she slashed
at me with god-like speed.
Clunk!
"LEAVE MY FRIEND ALONE!!111" yelled out a voice as Azella's dagger was suddenly
knocked out of her hand. I slowly turned to see who had just saved me, I think i
t was Isaac. But he's too stupid. Maybe it's not safe for me to take a look? Oh
well.
"Isaac!" I yelled as my friend ran towards me with some kind of a dark blue swor
d.
"Dude!" exclaimed Isaac as he held out his new weapon and swung it around. "Look
what I found!!1 Mithril!!!" Then he looked at Azella and suddenly stopped. "Omg
hawt chick!11111"
"Ugh..." said Azella in disgust. "Get away from me you noob, or I'll kill you to
o."
"Will u plz plz plz b my gf?!/111" said Isaac as he ran towards Azella with open
arms.
"Ew... What the hell?!" Azella replied as she threw a black knife towards Isaac.
"Get lost!"
"Liek omg plz marry me!!!!11" screamed Isaac as he began chasing after Azella.
"Isaac!" I yelled after him. "Come back! We have to find Ayumi and the others!"
"Bye Spirit!" Isaac yelled back. "I find you guys when the hot chick marries me!
!!1"
And they ran off. I turned around and picked up my backpack, and slowly started
walking away. As I headed towards the stairs, I couldn't help but think that som
ething was bothering me.
"But I wanted to marry her..." I mumbled as I kicked a pebble away.
I began to descend the spiral stairs as time passed. I have no idea how many min
utes passed since. All I know is that I've been following the same set of stairs
over and over again, but I'm bound to find the others somewhere.
Oh wait. That wasn't the stairs. That's just a circular hallway.
Anyhow... I continued to head down the "real" stairs and soon found an iron gate
. I could hear something scream on the other side, but couldn't get through sinc

e the gate was locked.

"Um... knock knock." I said to the gate.
"Who's there?" replied the gate.
"Spirit!" I responded.
"Spirit sucks." said the gate as a rotten tomato hit me square in the jaw.
"That's not nice!" I shouted back.
"Your mom's not nice." said the gate as another rotten tomato exploded in my fac
e.
"Grr! That's it!" I growled angrily as I reached for the Banz0r blade. "Oh wait.
.. that's right! That evil doctor took it away from me, probably."
"Spirit!" shouted a voice behind me as a figure slowly moved towards me.
"Huh?" I turned around to see who it was. A shadowy figure suddenly approached.
There was a glare, as something shiny was getting closer and closer.
"Oh, hello miss Hilda." I said. "Wait... is that the key for the gate?"
"No, that's the key for your face." taunted the gate as another rotten tomato su
ddenly shot from nowhere and hit Hilda in the mouth. She then wiped her face wit
h one of her paws, and walked towards the gate.
"Go away, Hilda." said the gate. "You know I'm allergic to stupidity."
She ignored him and picked up the keys with her teeth. She then inserted the key
in the gate, and began turning it.
"Ahhh!" yelled the gate. "Warning! Warning! I'm being infested with face cancer!
Get lost, I don't want to catch your ugliness!"
Clunk. Within a turn of a key, the gate was now open as Hilda led me through the
dungeon filled with strange creatures.
"Look!" I shouted as I pointed towards one of the creatures. "A unicorn! Wow, I'
ve only seen like three of those my entire life!"
"Who you callin' a unicorn, punk?" replied the unicorn in a low grunt-like, sout
hern accent. He then stepped out, revealing a body of a giant gorilla, and the t
ail of a bunny rabbit.
"Sup Hilda." said the unicorn/gorilla/bunny, "One of these days Imma' bustin out
ta this taco stand. I heard the old man just got some human experiments, yeah. M
an, do I feel sorry for them suckers."
"Wait!" I stopped. "Humans? Where?"
"Just follow the road through here and take a right, but dunt go to them cages o
ver there. I heard the doctor is keepin' some purddy mean monsters up there. Oh,
and one more thing"Thanks!" I shouted as I ran towards the end of the dungeon with all of my energ
y, hoping that I'm not too late to save my friends.

"Man." sighed the unicorn/gorilla/bunny as he picked up a toilet plunger. "No wu

nder them human are always being used fer experiments. Them dumb as rocks! Now H
ilda, help me figure out this cannon thing that I found."
I
d
h
d

continued running past all the strange and creepy looking creatures as I heade
closer and closer to the fork up ahead. Without thinking, I took the right pat
and headed on, not wasting any time. Then I saw a bright room of some sort, an
went in.

"Hey, it's the Banz0r blade!" I said as I picked it up from a bowl of monkey sou
p. "Hmm... there's a scroll of some sort here. But it's all covered in ketchup a
nd ink blots" I then began reading the scroll. "This weapon is a strange tool th
at was sent here through a trans-dimen... dimen... dimensionol, warp. Haha, warp
, that's a funny word. Um, blah blah blah... it can be used as a weather device,
soup ladle, toilet plunger, broom, baseball bat, lamp, mailbox, magic box remot
e, magestation 2 adaptor. What in the world is an adaptor...? and has many more
purposes. It's estimated value is about a hundred and thirty mi...ion, something
with an ink blot, can't see. Ha, must be a hundred and thirty coins in gnome cu
rrency. Um, let's see... blah blah blah, no body cares about the instructions on
using it. And... when charged at full power, it can unleash the ultima...ower,
something? But beware when using with low bat...bat...don't know that word. It c
an have some unusual side-effects."
I took the scroll, crumpled it up and tossed in into the soup. "Heh, that's stup
id." I said to myself as I picked up the Banz0r blade and clipped it onto my bel
t. 'Alright! Time to kick someBOOM!
"Ahhhhhhhhh" screamed a voice as it ran down the hallway.
"Hanbins?" I ran after the voice.
"Hi, Spirit." replied Hanbins as he stopped suddenly. Then he started running ag
ain. "Bye, Spirit."
"Wait!" I yelled as I held onto his cape. "Where are the others?"
"Ayumi and Chroz are fighting Dr. Frankenstrain and his ultimate experiment." re
sponded Hanbins.
"Where are you going?" I asked.
"I have to go use the bathroom." said Hanbins.
"Oh okay." I let go of his cape and ran in the opposite direction. I could see a
light up ahead, some explosions, a couple of magic orbs being shot around, and
demonic laughter. My body was filled with adrenaline as I drew the Banz0r blade
and charged into the room.
"RAWR!!!!!" I yelled out. "Never fear, for Spirit is here!!11"
POW! A giant iron fist suddenly shot out from nowhere, and knocked me into the w
all. I could feel my ribs cracking as the impact hit me with its full force.
"Spirit!" cried Ayumi.
Part 21
Everything was still blurry by the time my head finally stopped spinning. I coul
d see a dark grayish figure of a man, only that is wasn't exactly a man, but mor

e like something from the dead. Ayumi and Chroz were standing on the other side
of the room, casting spells at the giant monstrosity as Dr. Frankstrain laughed
and shouted commands like a madman.
"Spirit!" shouted Chroz. "We need you help!"
"Fools!" taunted Dr. Frankenstrain. "It's no use! No one can stop my ultimate ex
periment! Kill them all, my precious, mhahahhaha!!!"
"Yes..." grunted the giant monster as it swung its massive iron fists. It was th
e ugliest man/machine that I've ever seen in my life. The monster stood eight fe
et tall with its massive muscles, all sewn together. It wore a purple glass dome
on its head, incasing some kind of machine within it and a brain. Its eyes were
cold, dark beads, just resting on its nonexistent face. Some kind of stone armo
r embraced its arms and legs as it flailed around in rampage and ripped everythi
ng to shred with its massive iron chains.
"MHAHAHAHAHA!" the evil doctor let out an insane laughter as he jumped up and do
wn. "Yes! Yes! My ultimate experiment! Four years of hard work and determination
! Let us get rid all zat stands in our way!!"
"Zypharious Ventus!" yelled Ayumi as a jet stream of air shot out from her hands
. "It's no good! Chroz, bind him!"
"Naturalis Constingo!" shouted Chroz. Whoosh! Crimson red vines sudden shot out
from the ground and entangled the monster's foot.
"Zypharious..." Ayumi's hand began glowing in flashes of white light. A drop of
sweat fell from her cheeks. She then suddenly took out a chaos rune from her bac
kpack and aimed it towards the monster. "...Seralius!!"
WHOOSH! The air suddenly cracked and flashed as a bolt of wind shot from Ayumi's
hand. The bolt of wind ripped through the cold, dreary air as it hit the monste
r with a shockwave.
"RAWR!!!" the monster yelled out in pain. "GGRR... MAH!!!!!!!!!!"
"Zat's right, my precious invention!" shouted the doctor. "My pride and joy! My
ultimate weapon of doom! Crush ze enemies!!"
The giant monster moved forward, and its eyes suddenly lit up in a bright red to
ne. It raised its fists in a boxer like position as its muscles cringed and crac
kled with electricity.
"GIGA FISTS!" shouted the monster as it swung its massive iron knuckles at us. B
OOM! The heavy punches shot across the cavern as it crushed everything in its pa
th.
"Ayumi, watch out!" shouted Chroz as he took out his silver dagger and slashed a
t the giant fists.
WHAM! The giant monster suddenly dashed forward and punched Chroz right into the
pillar, knocking him unconscious.
"Darn it!" yelled Ayumi. "He's too powerful! Spirit, let's try something else!"
"Right!" I replied as I picked up the Banz0r blade and charged towards the monst
er.
"Its no use you foolish idiots!" Dr. Frankstrain roared with laughter. "You won'

t be able to destroy him!"

"I'm gonna try it anyway!" I yelled as I swung the Banz0r blade at its fists. "A
hhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!1"
Clunk! The monster caught the sword within its fingers, and was beginning to pre
ss it back against me. The sheer force from the impact was incredible. There's n
o way that thing is human.
"Spirit! Watch out for the second fist!" cried Ayumi.
SLAM! The giant's left hand suddenly fell from the sky as if it were a meteor an
d shattered the ground as it hit. I jumped back and was barely able to avoid the
hit.
"I can't hold back against him anymore!" I yelled as I slashed his hand with the
Banz0r blade, attempting to free myself from the force of his iron fist.
"Ow!!" I screamed in pain as my shoulders felt like they were being crushed to b
its. "My arms are about to fall off!"
"Hang on, I'm going to try something else!" said Ayumi as she took out another c
haos rune and prepared to blast the giant. "Zypharious...
"Oh no you dunt!!" shouted Dr. Frankenstrain. "Eat zis! Lightning gun!!"
BZZZZZTTT! A beam of lightning suddenly shot out from a coil like machinery that
resembled a lightning rod. The doctor then cranked the weapon, and prepared to
fire again.
"Ayumi!" I shouted as I dropped the Banz0r blade and ran to her.
"Don't be distracted, noob!" yelled Dr. Frankenstrain as another pulse of lightn
ing shot across the room.
BZZZZZTTT! The electricity ran through my body as my vision suddenly became dark
and jolted. The pain was unimaginable. I could then barely stand.
"Hahaha!" laughed the doctor. "Feeling paralyzed?" he started cranking the handl
e on the lightning gun once more.
"Can't...move." I said to myself as I attempted to stand up once more. "If only
I can charge up the Banz0r blade..."
"Spirit!" shouted a voice as a slashing sound was made and a loud roar filled th
e cavern.
I rubbed my eyes and turned around to see who it was. "Hanbins! Isaac!"
CLUNK! Whoosh! SLASH! The sounds of their mithril weapons slashing against the i
ron fists of the giant echoed throughout the hall.
"Hey guys!" I yelled as loud as I can. "Watch out for the lightning coil thing!"
"You shattup noob! EARTH SHATTER!" roared the giant monster as he pounded his fi
sts into the ground, making a giant crater and stunning both Isaac and Hanbins.
"CHAIN DESTRUCTION!" shouted the monster as he leaped into the air, grabbed all
of his iron chains with one hand and swung them like an aerocopter blade. He the
n tossed the spinning blade of chains at Isaac and Hanbins, and with a loud KERR

RRRR-CLANK sound, and some bloodcurdling screams, the two warriors fell.
"Mhhahahha!" laughed the doctor as he tapped danced on the platform. "No one can
stop us! We are ze invincible! No one can evarDing-dong.
"Get ze door!" commanded Dr. Frankenstrain as the monster walked over and slowly
pushed open the giant granite gates.
"Wut you want?" grunted the monster as a man wearing an iron helmet and pink ski
rt appeared at the door with a large briefcase.
"Hello, gentlemen." said the man. "My name is Ballistar, and I'm here to offer y
ou the once in a lifetime deal of armor trimming at the cost of only four thousa
nd coins per trim! And, if you buy the super-dooper-package deal, we'll even thr
ow in a set of free runite armor, absolutely free, and if you"SCAMMER!!!11" screamed the giant as he punched Ballistar in the stomach and beg
an beating him into a pulp. "SCAMMER SCAMMER SCAMMOR!!11111"
Smack. Smack. Smack. Punch. Kick. Stomp. Stomp.
"Well, ur mom is fat cow!!111" said Ballistar as he blew a raspberry, showing hi
s three remaining teeth. He then took out a handkerchief, wiped off the blood fr
om his face, tucked his ribcage back in, and ran off.
"Haha!" laughed the doctor. "Excellent work! Now we must finish off ze noobs, an
d- why are there red cabbages all over ze place?"
Boom.
I waved towards the castle as the exploding cabbages were set off and everything
blew up in sight. Ayumi, Isaac, Hanbins, Chroz, Hilda, and Attikus, along with
a whole bunch of other random creatures all stood and waved with me as they were
freed from the doctor's evil experiments once and for all.
"Hey Spirit..." asked Chroz. "Where did you get the exploding cabbages?"
"Wha...?" I replied. "I didn't even know they were going to explode. They were j
ust some cabbages that I found from that chicken soup in the kitchen."
"Um, Spirit?" Hilda suddenly interrupted. "That wasn't chicken."
...
Part 22
The smell of roasted salmon filled the air as I slowly awakened from
night sleep. I opened my eyes, yawned and stretched out my arms. The
ll covered by the carpet of dark grey clouds, but I knew that it was
g. Rain poured heavily as I stared outside the window. Fishermen and
rs all gathered in little wooden houses raised on support stakes, as
egan to flood.

a pleasant
sun was sti
only mornin
demon slaye
the water b

"Mmm... food." I said as I stood up and began walking downstairs. Isaac was layi
ng on the stairs, still fast asleep as drool dripped out of his mouth.
"Kiss me Azella..." mumbled Isaac as he turned over and began tossing.
"Heh..." I said to myself as I continued walking down the old creaky wood stairs

. But come to think of it, Azella was probably one of the prettiest girls that I
have ever met in my life, too bad she was working for that evil Dr. Frankenstra
in though.
"Yo! Spirit!" A familiar voice shouted out from the dining room of the inn. Hanb
ins and Chroz were sitting at the table, munching on the roast fish and pieces o
f toast.
"Morning!" I replied as I waved to them. "Have you guys seen Ayumi?"
"Uh, yeah." replied Hanbins. "I think she went to the general store to buy a cou
ple of items. But with the rain pouring as heavily as it is, I doubt that she'll
be back anytime soon."
SLAM! The door suddenly flew open as Ayumi stood completely drenched carrying a
large knapsack of stuff. She was breathing heavily as the thunder roared in the
sky.
"Welcome back, miss." said the inn keeper as he handed her a towel. "Don't you j
ust love the weather here in Canafis?"
"Spirit, Hanbins, Chroz." said Ayumi suddenly. "We have to leave this place righ
t now."
"What?" asked Chroz. "Wait a minute, what's wrong?"
"There's no time to explain." said Ayumi as she handed me the large sack. "Spiri
t, make sure you don't lose this. We're going to need it for where we're heading
."
I opened the bag, looked inside and let out a gasp. "Holy cow! There's at least
three thousand coins in here!!"
"Omg!" exclaimed Isaac suddenly as he ran down the stairs. "You robbed a bank, d
idn't you?"
"No, you moron!" replied Ayumi. "It's hard to explain this, but we're in danger
right now. All of you, get as far away from here as possible. I already have a t
axiwagonWhoosh! A crystal ice-like arrow suddenly shot through the window of the pub, pi
ercing glasses and tables as it flew and disappeared.
"Damn it!" cursed Ayumi. "We're too late!"
WHAM! The door was smashed in half by a man wearing a grayish gold cloak. He wor
e shining golden armor with the word Jagex imbued on the chest plate, just like
the high councilor back in Varrock sewers.
"Now give me the rest of the ring shards." demanded the man as he took off his c
loak and threw it in the rain. A crystallized bow of some sort was revealed in h
is hand as it faded and reappeared suddenly in the rain. He then raised the bow,
chanted something as an arrow made of the same mystical matter appeared out of
thin air.
"You sold the Apocalypse ring?" I shouted.
"No! Spirit, would you shut up?" yelled Ayumi. "I'll explain everything later, j
ust run!"

"So you do have the rest of the ring." said the man as he chuckled with an evil
grin. "Now hand it over before you die. I'm not like Thirteen, he was a weakling
that deserved to the banished."
"Thirteen?" asked Hanbins. "What in the world are you talking about? Who are you
people?"
"Hehe..." replied the councilor. "I'm glad you asked. We are the high council, k
nown as Jagex. There are thirteen of us, including myself, who rule over this wo
rld of yours. I am known only as Eleven, for my name does not matter in this lit
tle business of ours. Unlike the others, my sole purpose is to retrieve the Apoc
alypse ring from you mortals, and how I take it away from you makes no differenc
e what so ever."
He then pulls back the bowstring. "Are you going to hand it over, or do I have t
o make a point through your throat?"
"DON'T YOU EVER DARE TO THREATEN MY CUSTOMERS!!!" roared the inn keeper in compl
ete rage as he pointed his crossbow towards the high councilor and pulled the tr
igger.. "GET OUT OF MY PUB!!!"
Tak tak tak tak tak.
A volley of splint-barb tipped bolts shot across the room as it flew towards Ele
ven. The powerful weapons ripped across the tables, spinning and cutting up ever
ything in sight as they headed for the councilor's heart.
Whoosh! Eleven calmly pulls out a crystallized shield, and within a split second
, all the bolts were deflected across the room as they flew past us like angry r
avens.
"Pathetic." said the high councilor as then shot the inn keeper in the leg with
his crystal bow. "This is your last warning. Hand it over now."
Ayumi glared at Eleven with disgust. She then took out a ruby gem shard from her
pocket and tossed it at him.
"Very good." said the councilor as he took out the Apocalypse ring, along with t
he sapphire shard imbedded within it. He placed the ruby shard on the ring, and
began to chant a weird magic spell as the ruby shard slowly started to fuse into
the ring. "It's funny how you moronic mortals had no idea about the ring... All
this time you had it with you, but you knew nothing of its powers!!"
Ayumi, Isaac, and Hanbins all watched helplessly as Eleven finished his spell. H
e then placed the ring on his index finger, as his arm began glowing with power.
"Hahaha!" laughed the councilor. "I now have two pieces of the legendary Apocaly
pse ring! Now then... I think I will kill all of you, just to test out the ring'
s powers."
"What?" shouted Isaac. "That's not fair!"
"Life isn't fair." Eleven grinned. "You should consider this an honor, for you w
ill die by my hands!"
"Oh no you don't!" I took shout the Banz0r blade and charged at Eleven. "It's pe
ople like you that make me sick! All of your corruption and greed! I hate you al
l!"
"What?" Eleven suddenly stopped. "Thirteen's Banz0r blade! But... how? How can t

his mortal wield the weapon that not even I can use! This is unacceptable!!"
Whoosh! I slashed at Eleven suddenly from the back. He dodged. I then lunged tow
ards him and swung the sword again. CLUNK! His crystal shield manages to block t
he sword.
"You won't defeat me!" Eleven shouted as he punched me with his fist. "You can't
even tap a tenth of the swords power, let alone hit me! I will enjoy every seco
nd of your death!"
POW! Another punch flew right into my stomach as I stumbled back in pain. A burn
ing feeling spread throughout my ribs as my heart felt as if it were frozen.
"Hahahaha!" laughed the councilor coldly. "I barely even hit you and you're alre
ady done for?" He then swung his fist again.
BOOM! An explosion of frost and flames sent me flying across the room.
"Spirit!" shouted Hanbins.
"Now then." Eleven started walking towards me as his ring charged up in a bright
crimson and azure light. "Say goodbye!"
I could see the beam of energy coming towards me as my knees felt petrified. I p
icked up the Banz0r blade in a last attempt to save my own life. Hopefully I'll
be able to block some of the energy and...
WHOOSH!
"Spirit!!" cried Ayumi.
"Hahahahah!!" shouted Eleven. "YES!! YES!!! Burn, mortal, burn!! What?!? NOOOOO!
"
I slowly opened my eyes and saw the Banz0r blade floating in midair as it acted
as a shield against the powerful attack. The sword seems as if it had a mind of
its own!
"It's glowing again!" shouted Chroz as I suddenly felt the weapon pulsing along
with my heart.
"Batteries charged." hummed the Banz0r blade. "Saving... Please do not turn off
the power."
"WHAT HAVE I DONE?!?" screamed Eleven as he stepped back in what now looked like
fear.
The Banz0r blade suddenly flew into my hands. At the same time I felt as strong
as ever, my mind knowing random sword techniques that I've never ever heard of b
efore in my life. I charged forward against Eleven, as the feather like light sw
ord plummeted towards the councilor.
"Here we go!!"
Part 23
The clouds rumbled as thousands of rain drops fell from the skies. The water con
tinued to rise as flashes of energy filled the entire room of a once peaceful in
n. The battle was almost over.
"Omg! My powers! They're all gone!!! NooooOo0!!" cried Eleven as he frantically

flailed his arms. "Dear god! Make the flashy colors stop!"
I set the Banz0r blade down as tears rolled down Eleven's eyes.
"Mommy!" shouted Eleven as he removed his helmet and rubbed his eyes. "I think I
'm blind!! And it's all your fault, stupid no0bs!"
"Um..." I slowly walked up to him. "Can we have our ring back then, pls?"
"Let me think." replied the high councilor. "How about... NOOOO!"
"We'll give you 27 coins, some gum, a piece of cheese, and a bronze dagger for i
t!" offered Isaac.
"Gah!!! NOOOO!" screamed Eleven as he kicked me, knocking me over. "Stupid noobs
! I hate you all! Now that you made me lose all of my powers, I'll never give yo
u the ring back!"
Smack. Growled Ayumi angrily as she walked up and hit Eleven in the face with a
rock. She then picked up the ring that he suddenly dropped, and calmly walked of
f.
"Hey!! What the-?!" Eleven yelled angrily. "Why you stupid fatheads! I'll get yo
u for this! I might have used up all of my power, but I make you pay one day! Ma
rk my words! D'oh! If only I had the legendary power of Java!!"
"Legendary power of... Java?" exclaimed Chroz. "I've only heard of it in fairyta
les! But rumor has it that it's the ultimate power in the world!"
"Duh!!" Eleven taunted. "And it is I who shall have that power one day, along wi
th all the kingdoms in the world! No more working minimum wage for that blasted
mage! I shall rule the world!!"
"Not if we can help it!" yelled Isaac as he tackled Eleven down into the ground.
POW! SMACK! He then started beating him with a wooden plank.
"Noobpile!!!" I shouted in joy as I jumped into the rumble of chaos. Ayumi shrug
ged. Threw off her towel and jumped in as well.
"Ouch!" screamed Eleven in pain. "No, you idiots! You must respect my authority!
! Ow! My face!" He then started to shout our random words of nonsense in between
every painful punch and/or kick.
"I... will... find... the... OW! ... key... one... day!!!" roared Eleven in fury
as he snatched the Apocalypse ring away from Ayumi's hand. He then took out a l
aw rune. "Farewell, noobs! I shall have my revenge against your kind one day! Ar
ious Translatious Faladora!
The Jagex high councilor suddenly began glowing in a cyan blue light. The air ar
ound him seems to warp in a vortex as an arcane circle suddenly appeared.
"He's about to teleport!" shouted Ayumi as she plunged towards him. "Don't let h
im get away with the ring!"
Isaac and I ran as fast as we could towards the now disappearing light, and with
a final attempt to retrieve the ring, the two of us latched onto the high counc
ilor's cape with our teeth, and whoosh! The circle of magic disappeared.
---

It seemed like almost an eternity before I knew what happened next. As I slowly
strained my arms to pick myself up from the cold, barren ground, I couldn't help
but notice the skeleton that fell next to me in the puddle of what seemed to be
blood, chocolate, and melted cheese. As my curiosity slowly got the better of m
e, I stuck my finger in the mixture, and placed a tad bit of it in my tongue for
a taste.
"Huh... tastes like a strawberry cheesecake with chocolate dressing." I smacked
my lips and reached for the delicious goop again.
CLUNK! The skeleton suddenly came to life as it entangled its arms around me. I
tried to struggle as it slowly crunched its teeth on my head.
"You tried to eat me!" shouted the skeleton as its eyes started to glow red.
"Noo0o!" I screamed in fear as the skeleton continued in its attempt to devour m
y brain. "I don't taste good!"
The skeleton then stopped and raised its fleshless head. Then it spoke in a low,
coarse tone as it reached for my backpack. "I smell pie."
"My pie, you stupid bonehead!" I swung the Banz0r blade at the skeleton, hitting
it in the face. "Go away pls! I'm not sharing!"
The skeleton then stood up, seemingly angered by my actions. I slowly crept back
wards, hoping that the skeleton will not notice my movements. But was I wrong as
ever. The next thing I know, my face was on the ground eating dirt, while the u
ndead creature held a large rock over my head.
"Apologize now or you'll be in a world of pain, haha!" demanded the skeleton.
"Fine! I'm sorry, you can have 1/32 of a pie slice!" I replied in hesitation. WH
AM! The skeleton then suddenly dropped the giant boulder on my head, crushing it
into the ground.
"OWWWWW!!!!" I yelled at the top of my lungs as my body suddenly bolted up in pa
in. "What was that for?! I said I was sorry and you could have some pie!"
Wham. I then kicked the skeleton's head as it slumped to the ground. "You meanie
!" I shouted as it lay there, lifeless as before.
The skeleton didn't move or reply.
"Oh crap! I broke him!" I exclaimed in frustration. "Um... I mean, it wasn't me!
Ahhhh!"
I reached for the nearest object and started digging a hole with it, then I kick
ed the skeleton in suddenly, brushed some dirt clods over it, and topped it all
off with some grass barely covering the top.
"There!" I said with satisfaction, smiling slightly. I then got up and started t
o walk away. "Yup... No more problems. Man, this is a weird place... I wonder wh
ere Ayumi and Isaac are at."
The sunlight became slightly dimmer and dimmer as the clouds started to move in
up above. I climbed onto a nearby oak tree and surveyed the nearby surrounding.
Ruins and broken down houses filled the entire place, as a city that was torn by
war and destruction stood near the horizon. Ravens and crows sweep the skies in
great numbers as they feasted on the cadavers, and numerous dead bodies and rus
ted guillotines scattered the ground.

"Welcome to Fala... something." I attempted to read a sign that was covered with
blood. Dry blood that has probably been there for the past years, or even weeks
. A slight breeze blew across the field of death, as more bodies were revealed i
n this place of horror and destruction.
"You there!!" A guard wearing a red and gold uniform suddenly shouted out. "Who
are you? And why aren't you working in the mines?"
"Um... excuse me, but have you seen my friends?" I asked. "There are two of them
, one is a wizard girl with long purple hair, and the other is sorta stupid, but
he has a sword and really messy blonde hair-"
"Shut up!" replied the guard. "I didn't ask you who you were or why you are here
! Now answer me! Why aren't you working in the mines?"
"What mines?" I responded. "I'm simply looking for my friends."
"That's it!" screamed the guard as he took out an iron scimitar. "You'll regret
messing with the Zanora empire!! If your friends were as insolent as you, they'r
e probably dead hanging in the castle's front gate right now!"
A wave of rage suddenly overcame me as I felt myself running towards the guard w
ith the Banz0r blade in my hands. "I won't forgive you if you killed my friends!
!!!!!!!!!!"
CLUNK! With the swipe of a blade, my opponent's iron scimitar was broken in half
as he stood speechless.
"You!!! Why you little...!!!" cursed the guard. "If you're working with the resi
stance, then you're all dead! Mark my wordsThunk. An arrow suddenly came from nowhere and impaled the guard through the thr
oat. A knight of some sort stood over a two-hundred yards away with a bow. He wo
re a mithril platemail with the same colored red and gold cloak over it. He then
spit on the ground in disgust as he walked away.
"What the heck?!" I screamed out in anger. "You just shot your own friend... per
son! WHAT ARE YOU?!"
I suddenly rushed over to the soldier, who was now bleeding heavily from the mou
th. He seemed regretful and yet sincere. I held onto him and gently placed him d
own to the ground. He then turned and spoke with the last of his breath.
"I'm... sorry. Your friends have been captured and will be executed within three
dawns at-"
The dying solder let up another cough as he fell over and closed his eyes foreve
r. A tear ran down my eyes for the stranger, as I picked up the Banz0r blade and
stood there. A feeling of anger and rage rushed through my body as I marched to
wards the castle that stood in the middle of the city ruins.
"Zanora..." I said to myself as I clenched my fist. "I'll rescue my friends, no
matter what it takes!!!"
Part 24
"AHHHHHHHHH!" I screamed in absolute rage as I continued to ran down the ruins o
f the city with the Banz0r blade in my two hands. The overwhelming anger still r
esided in me, as I... I shall rescue my friends!!!

"Dude, what's with the giant gold sword?" asked a nearby Zanora soldier. "I don'
t remember you in this scene."
"Where are my friends?!?" I demanded as I swung my sword at him.
"Whoa, whoa, man!" said the soldier as he stood up and waved his hands. "Like, d
ude! I have no idea what you're talking about! But if someone stuck some ranaar
weed in your drink, then that's not our problem. Like, why don't you just, scram
!"
"You're not nice!" I yelled as I tossed an exploding red cabbage towards the man
. BOOM! The man fell over, all charred as the cabbage exploded.
"CUT!!!" screamed some voice as the ruined city slowly started to disappear, rev
ealing an open field with about thirty something people gathered around.
"There is no cabbage in this scene!" shouted a fat man wearing a black beret as
he threw a clipboard to the ground and stomped on it. "You people suck!! How man
y times do I have to tell you! No cabbage!!!!"
"Sorry, sir." said the Zanora soldier as he stood up and brushed the burnt cabba
ge from his shirt. Then he pointed at me, and shook his fists angrily. "It's thi
s kid's fault! He just appeared randomly and started going all no0by-do0by on us
."
"Yeah!" protested another Zanora soldier as he walked up and pulled a fake arrow
from his neck. "He messed up my dying scene! Let's bash the noob!"
"Lynch! Lynch! Lynch!" shouted the crowd.
"Silence!!" the fat man commanded. He took one hand, stroke his fancy mustache,
and closely examined me. "Hmm... why are you here, noob?"
"Uh..." I slowly responded with hesitation. "I'm looking for my friends! Now rel
ease them from your evil castle of doom!"
"What?" screamed the man. "Can't you not see we are filming here? Go away! You t
here, Smithy! Bring me some beer, and then dump it out and make me some coffee,
I HATE BEER!"
"Filming?" I replied. "You mean... this isn't real?"
"NOOO!" roared the man angrily as he punched the nearby guy who had a coffee cup
in his hand. "Oh, sorry there, Smithy. You noob!! Can you not read the signs! I
t says FOLLYWOOD! FOLLYWOOD!!!"
I turned around and saw the giant mountain, now with the letters FOLLYWOOD writt
en on it, but all covered with bird poop and confetti paper.
"Oh! Okay." I slowly started to move away in embarrassment. "So you guys are...
actors."
"YES!!!!" screamed the man as he bashed me in the face with the coffee mug. "I a
m a director! You are in Follywood! We are only actors! You... are... a... dipst
ick!!"
"Dipstick... dipstick... dipstick..." The director's echo traveled throughout th
e mountain as his face turned bright red, then purple, then blue, then normal ag
ain. "Now then! If you are looking for the GenieRob Chunkypants convention, then
you are in the wrong place, simply take a right turn when you head up the road,

it'll be right next to general store."

"GenieRob convention?!?!1111oneoneshifto?!/1/1//?eleventyseven!11!" I let out a
gasp. "Okay! Thanks a bunch! See ya!"
My mind filled with anticipation and excitement as I dashed down the streets of
Falador, towards the giant golden lamp on top of the northernmost building.
"Mommy, why is that man running down the street?" asked a little girl.
"Shh... honey, don't stare. We don't socialize with people like him, he'll proba
bly beg for free stuff." replied a woman that stood nearby.
"GenieRob Chunkypants! GenieRob Chunkypants!" I screamed and shouted as the buil
ding now seemed closer than ever. "Ooh yeah! Ooh yeah! I'm gonna get to see Geni
eRobWHAM!
I felt my face hitting the rough concrete as an overly large man holding a lolly
pop ran me over.
"Ow!" I shouted as my head now throbbed with pain. "That wasn't nice!"
The man mumbled, then he picked his nose with one finger while stuck the lollipo
p in his mouth with the other.
"Well, *mumble* to you too, sir!" I yelled in anger. "You meanie fathead! I hate
you! I hate you! I hate you!"
POW! The fat man suddenly swung his fist at me and knocked me to the ground. He
then roared in the strangest voice I've ever heard in my life. "Sir? SIR!!! IMMA
PRETY LITLE GIRLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
BAM! A second punch flew right into my face as I saw pretty pink butterflies swi
rling around in a vortex of colorfulness.
"Whoohoo!!!" screamed a guy in a red shirt as he ran towards us. "Like, dude! Wh
y, this be'eth a noob fight! Rock on!!!"
"Noob fight?" an elderly mage suddenly turned around.
"Look! The fat man is beating up the skinny kid in the bronze!" laughed a willow
merchant as he pitched his cart to the ground. "Come on! Fight! Fight!"
A crowd soon gathered around the Falador town square, as the fat man and I threw
punches and cabbage at each other. The sun shined brightly as the people cheere
d and clapped. Fists were flying through the air as the two of us continued in o
ur street brawl.
Duh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh! A fanfare was suddenly heard in the distance.
"Oh crap!" shouted a coal miner. "Here comes the king, SCRAM!!!"
"Nobody move!" commanded a nearby guard. "Do not show disrespect for your king!
Bow down!"
The entire crowd was now on its knees as a short little man shuffled down the st
reet.

"All hail, our king and lord majesty," said the crowd in unison. "King Wallace J
ameson IV"Outta my way pls!!1" exclaimed the king as he quickly pushed his way through th
e crowd. "Noob fight! Noob fight! Woot woot woot woot!"
"What the heck?" I suddenly stopped. The king jumped onto a nearby chair, took o
ff his red cape and swirled it in the air, revealing a blue GenieRob t-shirt.
"That's the king?" I shouted out in disbelief. "He's like... seven years old!"
"Hey!" the king blew a raspberry at me. "Who are you calling seven? For your inf
or... um, informative...nation, I am seven and a half years old! And I'm cooler
than you cause I'm the king- Hey! Where did you get the pie?"
"What pie?" I slowly dropped the pie dish and kicked it towards the sidewalk.
"Omg you have pie!" cried the king. "Can you share plz? Plz plz plz plz plz!"
"Fine!" I agreed. "But first say that I'm cooler than you."
"No, you stink and I'm still cooler!" the king stuck his tongue out. "Poopie fac
e! Now gimme some pie!"
"Oh yeah, well at least I'm not wearing a Parney the purple dragon shoes!" I poi
nted towards the king's foot.
The seven year old king then looked down at his foot and blushed in embarrassmen
t. The crowd let out a quiet sneer with laugher as they whispered amongst themse
lves.
"Ur mum wears Parney the purple dragon shoes!" the king retaliated.
The crowd went silent as murmurs of "Wow, that was lame" was heard throughout th
e town square. The guard then cleared his throat, as waves of "Nice one, your ma
jesty!" and "Splendid comeback, sir!" filled the air.
"Ha! I win!" taunted the king. "I make better insults than you! You're a stupid
big people cause you got beat by a seven year old! Nah-nahWhoosh! The sky suddenly turned black as a shadowy figure snatched the king away
from the town square.
"Help! Someone help me!" screamed the king as the crowd directed its attention t
o the top of the general store roof.
"Oh my gosh!" cried out a woman. "The king's been kidnapped by that ugly man up
there! And he has a knife! Somebody save him- AHHHHHHHHH!"
Part 25
The entire town was now focused on the rooftop of the Falador general store as a
dark figure stood with a knife near the king's head. The sun was so bright that
not a single person could see the face of the evil man, but me. I knew him way
too well, unfortunately, and understood what he wanted.
"Now! Citizens of Falador!" shouted the man. "Give me four million gold pieces o
r else I'll throw your precious king off the roof!"
"Ballistar?" I called out. "Is that you? Go away, you stupid scammer!"

"Spirit!" cried out the man in rage as his ugly fish like face was revealed unde
r the light. "Mind your own business! I'm just trying to make some money here! Y
ou better be glad that it's not you up here, or the knife will already be in you
r face!"
A gnome copter suddenly flew in from the distance as a man shouted through the m
egaphone. "This is the Faladonian police! We have you surrounded! Put your left
hand up, place your knife on the ground, and drop the king... no wait, don't dro
p the king with your right hand and... take your left hand"What?" exclaimed the crowd in confusion.
"Aw, screw this!" a voice of frustration was heard from the gnome copter. "Why d
on't we just shoot him?"
"Uh..." replied another voice. "Well, why not."
Two ballista guns suddenly burst out as the crowd ran screaming for their lives.
Thousands of wooden bolts rained from the skies as every man, woman, and noob d
ove for cover.
"No! You idiots! You'll hit me too!" screamed the king as he flailed and ran aro
und in circles. "Ahhhh! I want my mommy!"
"I want my mommy too!" cried Ballistar as the wooden bolts flew towards him as i
f they were a herd of angry ravens. "Stop it pls pls pls I promise I will never
scam againClunk.
The entire crowd gasped as Ballistar lost his footing and began to fall from the
edge of the roof. The guard in the copter suddenly stopped, and the world turne
d grey as Ballistar let out one last howl before he hit the ground.
There was now complete silence as the entire crowd watched Ballistar twitch and
cry on the ground. Even the guards were somewhat remorseful as the Faladonian to
wn square fell into a moment of silence and sorrow. Wizards removed their hats a
s monks crossed their hearts, for the town's simple actions had now caused a tra
gedy.
"Fr33 st0f!!!" shouted a noob wearing bright orange rags as he ran towards Balli
star's body.
"Yeah!!" the town once again burst into laughter and happiness as they plundered
Ballistar's scammed items while the people sung and danced.
"No..." groaned Ballistar as he lifted his hand weakly. "All my hard earned item
s!! Twenty armor trimmings... fifteen rune to iron tricks... thirty-seven trust
test frauds! All my life's work!! Nooooo0o!"
"Where you're going buddy, money is worthless!" shouted a guard angrily as he cu
ffed Ballistar and took him away.
"Yeah!" grinned another guard evilly. "I'm sure that the guys down at Port Sarim
Sunset Rehab will be happy to have a new friend!"
"No!! Pls dunt put me in jail!" Ballistar pleaded. "Spirit! This is all your fau
lt! I will have my revenge against you! Mark my words! You... shall... SUFFER!!!
May Zamorak put curses on you! I hope you fight a dragon and burn, you no0b!"

"Dragon?" exclaimed an olderly mage as he adjusted his glasses. "Why, by Saradom

in's grace! This can't be... Our savior has come!"
The king slowly walked towards me, pulled out a badly made drawing of a stickman
killing a dragon, then looked at me, and nodded.
"Hooray for the town's new hero!" a lady in black robes shouted. "Uh... blue hai
red kid with the bronze! Hip-hip, hooray!"
"Hip-hip, hooray!" shouted the town in unison as a large bulky warrior picked me
up on his shoulders and carried me off into town. People started taking off the
ir boots and tossed them into the air in celebration as... uh, whatever just hap
pened.
"What is going on?" I shouted. "I didn't do anything special! Put me down, you'r
e gonna make me miss the GenieRob Chunkypants convention!"
The giant man continued to walk as he ignored my request, and as the entire town
paraded in joy, I was finally set down near a platform beneath a giant white ca
stle as the sun slowly began to set.
"Now then, my fellow brethren and friend!" said the king as he spoke in a fake d
eep voice. "We are ha...ha... ha-nerd"The word is 'honored', your majesty." whispered a nearby knight.
"Honored to have you here with us in the city of Falador, as you, are the legend
ary hero that the prophet as for... fore... tolded us about. Within three days,
you will be sent off to a task of adventure and peril, and the entire king of As
garnia will stand behind you as you slay the evil dragon, Elfarg!"
"Psst... Elvarg, sir. Elvarg." said the knight once more.
"Uh... what he said!" continued the king. "Now we must hold a feast! In honor of
this hero and everything that he will be doing for us! For he is the one truly
brave enough to complete this fe... feet of amazingly ness. Now! As your king, I
command you to eat, drink, and be merry! Uh... I gotta go cause its my bedtime,
bye everyone!"
"No!1" I ran after the seven year old king as he rubbed his eyes and headed for
the castle's towers. "Wait a minute! I can't do this! Wait! I just want to find
my friends!"
"Spirit!" I turned around as a familiar voice called out to me from the crowd.
"Ayumi! Isaac!" I cried out. "Oh! You have no idea how glad I am to see you guys
! Where have you been?"
"Uh... here?" replied Ayumi. "We thought you got eaten by the unicorns or someth
ing when we got separated from the teleport spell. Anyhow, what's with the party
?"
"Do0d!" shouted Isaac. "Can you believe it? They're dropping stuff like iron pla
temails and sapphire amulets by the northern wall! This party owns!!1"
"Another cheer for the hero, who will slay the dragon, hip-hip, hooray!" shouted
the knight as he drew out his sword.
"Hip-hip, hooray!" cried out the entire town in joy.

"Woot woot!" screamed Isaac as he shoved a kebab into his mouth. "Lolololol! can
you believe some idiots gonna try and kill a dragon? That's so awesome! I want
his stuff cause he's probably not gonna come back."
"Yeah." said Ayumi quietly. "That must really suck to be the person. I even feel
sorry for him. Who knows what's gonna happen to him once he gets there. Heck, h
e'd be lucky to even survive for three minutes"
"Sir!!" screamed a knight as he ran towards the three of us. "I must have your a
utograph before you leave!"
"Wha...?" I slowly looked at him as Ayumi blinked in shock.
"Oh, forgive me. M'names Elvadar." said the knight politely as he presented me w
ith a quilt and a piece of silk. "I'm the leader of the 101st Asgarnian Cavalier
Division, it's an honor to meet the future dragon slayer."
"Lol!" exclaimed Isaac. "The guy thinks that you're the dragon slayer, haha!"
"Spirit..." growled Ayumi angrily. "What the hell did you get us into this time?
!"
"Uh..." I slowly took a step back as Ayumi's face turned red in rage. "They just
made me do this! I had no idea!"
"But you're what the prophet has predicted!" said Elvadar. "You are the chosen o
ne!"
"Chosen by what?" said Ayumi angrily as she clenched her fist. "My foot?"
"My apologies m'lady." replied Elvadar as he pulled out a poster. "But the proph
ecy... it claims that a hero with long blue locks will come and liberate us from
horrors of the legendary dragon, Elvarg, as it did a thousand years ago! It's o
ne of the most well known tell-tales in the world! How can you never heard of th
e prophecy? Look at this poster for Saradomin's sake!"
Ayumi snatched the poster, read through it, and threw it in Elvadar's face. "Tha
t's ridicules! This is a movie! Look at it! 'Coming to a magic box near you! Dir
ected by Stevens Steelburk! Action! Adventure! Romance!' This isn't real!"
"So?" replied Isaac. "Santa Claus is a child's tale, but he's real! And so is th
e Easter Bunny! Just because you haven't seen something with your own eyes doesn
't mean that it's fake! I believe in you, Spirit! Let's go kick some dragon behi
nd!"
"Very well then, sir!" exclaimed Elvadar. "And just so that I may tell the story
to my children and grandchildren, please allow me to accompany you on your jour
ney! Also, once you return to the king with the dragon's head, you will be rewar
ded with two hundred thousand coins for your deeds and bravery!"
"Pff!" Ayumi suddenly spat out her wine as she nearly chocked. "Two hundred thou
sand coins?!? I could buy anything with that kind of money!" She then smiled wit
h a devilish grin. "Gentlemen, let's reconsider."
Part 26
After finally deciding that we would accept the mission to slay the dragon for t
wo hundred thousand coins, we were told that we had three days to stock up on su
pplies and prepare for the journey before the ship leaves. So naturally, we agre
ed to spend the next three days buying random things, and of course, sight seein

g here in Falador.
The group was split into two, as always in big cities, and while Isaac and I hea
ded towards the GenieRob Chunkypants convention, Ayumi wandered off somewhere in
the market, probably buying magic equipment, and jewelry. With the sack of thre
e hundred coins safely tucked away in my pocket, Isaac and I didn't waste any ti
me before we finally arrived at the giant swirly blue gates.
"Oooh..." the two of us stood and gazed at the amazing wonder.
"I'm not worthy..." said Isaac in an ecstatic voice. "Look at this place! It's l
ike... heaven, except no0bier and way better!
"I know." I replied in delight. "Hey, let's touch the gates!"
"Great idea!" said Isaac as we laid our hands upon the wonderfully magicness of
the GenieRob convention gate.
"Hey, you stupid kids! Get away from the gate!" shouted a nearby security guard
as he waved his fists.
"Who are you calling a kid?" Isaac replied angrily. "For your information, I am
nineteen years old! I'm not a kid!"
"Then why do you have the children's discount tickets?" the guard pointed and la
ughed.
"Crap!" whispered Isaac. "I knew we should have told the lady our real age!"
"Well, anyway. Enjoy yourselves while you're here." the guard laughed once more
and walked down. Then he suddenly stopped and turned around. "By the way, don't
touch anything, or else..."
"Huh." said Isaac. "Weird guy. Let's go ride the GenieBlaator!"
"Yeah!" I replied. "Last one there's a rotten fishcake!"
As the two of us ran down the booth of fun and games, the giant coaster ride, kn
own as the GenieBlaator soon came into out view. From the distance, it looked li
ke a giant blue beams of energy traveling around and swooping in circles.
--*Pant pant*
"Are you kidding me!" exclaimed Isaac. "The line is like, three miles long! I Ha
ven't seen anything like this since I was waiting in line to see Santa when I wa
s a kid!"
"I know!" I replied as I attempted to catch my breath. "But the wait's worth it!
"
Splat. A pile of chunky green go rained from the sky as it splattered over the l
ine of people as the giant coaster zoomed past us.
"Dude!" shouted Isaac excitedly. "Lol! Free applesauce!"
"That ain't no applesauce, kid." said a sickly old man as he spun around in circ
led and dove into the trash bin. "Hope ya'll skipped out on yer' breakfast... he
he- Bleh!"

"Hey!" Isaac pointed towards the line. "We're up next! Woot!"

The two of us dashed quickly towards the GenieBlaator as the attendant buckled u
s into our seat beats. She then handed us two pieces of parchment and asked us t
o sign it.
"Here you go, sirs. Please sign our terms of agreement incase you die...er, of e
xcitement! Ahaha... I'm outta here."
Ka-Whoosh! The GenieBlaator suddenly hovered into the air as the beams of blue l
ight shot out from under the engine. All the people started screaming and whoopi
ng as the giant coaster began to rumble.
"Everyone, please ensure that your seat belts are securely bucked as the ride wi
ll soon begin." the attendant announced. "Once again, please make sure that"Duuuuude! Like, chill out, babe!" yelled out a white haired young man as he rip
ped off his seat belt with his mithril dagger and swung it in the air. "Who need
s seat belts! Come on, mates! Lose them now!"
"Rock! Rock on!!!" screamed his friend who sat nearby as he too, unbuckled his s
eat belt and stood up on the coaster. He then raised his fists high up into the
air as he hollered and shouted. "Who owns?!?"
There was a slight murmur in the crowd as everyone then shrugged and pulled off
their seat belts. Even the senile old mage who sat in front started to unbuckle
his too, although he was mistakenly confused as he thought his own shoelace was
the seatbelt.
"Five... four... three!" the lights blinked overhead as the GenieBlaator's engin
es now roared with blue flames and smoke. "Two... one... GO!"
In a burst of energy and light, the giant coaster shot through the air as it loo
ped three times on the mystical tracks. Everyone shouted and laughed as our insi
des felt like they were twisted around and flipped over.
"This isn't the bathroom!" cried the old mage as he hung onto a nearby door for
dear life. "Then what was the other place that I got my kebab at?"
"Spirit! Omg Spirit!" exclaimed Isaac as he nudged my face with his elbow. "Look
at my face, lol!"
"Lol!" I turned around and saw my friend's face disfigured by the gravity of the
ride. "You look like a goblin, haha!"
"Ahem!" a man wearing a giant coat tapped my shoulder as I turned to him. He the
n took off his hat, revealing a horrid green face and tiny eyeglasses. "Oh dear,
I say! We goblins have contributed to many fields of flight magic and weapon cr
afting, how dare you ridicule us, sir! Now even look at that!" he pointed toward
s a nearby object as it shot towards us. "That is a man in a goblin, listen care
fully, goblin flyer, not gnome!"
"What man in the goblinBoom! The engine of the GenieBlaator suddenly exploded as two bottles of blue po
tion was hurled at the giant coaster.
"Spirit!! I'm gonna kill you!!!" roared a voice as another two bottles of potion
flew towards us.

"Watch out!" shouted Isaac as he pushed my face into the seat.

BOOM! Another explosion rocked the giant coaster as the track burst into flames.
The engine was now on fire as the crowd screamed for their lives. The GenieBlaa
tor, however, continued to shoot across the sky as it now looked at a bolt of re
d and blue light.
"Who are you?" I cried out. "And what do you want?"
"How could you have forgotten me so soon?" the man suddenly flew across the smok
e as he landed on the front of the giant coaster.
"Eleven!" Isaac yelled out. "I didn't know you liked GenieRob Chunkypants, lol."
"No, you dolt!" the
rd and revealed his
to take the Banz0r
too much of a noob

Jagex high councilor shouted angrily as he took a step forwa

shiny new armor and all the flying accessories. "I have come
blade away from you! For it is our property! Besides, you're
to wield it anyway!! Eat Nitroglycerin!"

"Nooooo!" cried out Isaac as he jumped in front of me, right before Eleven threw
his bottle of blue potion thing.
"Good cry." said Eleven. "I love it when my enemies shiver and weep in my might.
Although that was a bit fake. Oh well, you die now!"
Eleven raised his hand, leaped fifteen feet into the air as the GenieBlaator con
tinued to dash forward, and tossed two bottles of nitroglycerin at our seat. Isa
ac suddenly jumped on top of our cart section, and swung his mithril blade at th
e last second.
BOOM!
"Isaac!" I shouted out. "I think you saved us! Isaac?"
The only thing remaining was Isaac's left shoe and his mithril sword that stood
in his place. As smoke quickly vanished from the giant coaster, the Jagex high c
ouncilor moved in to strike again. He took out another set of potion, and chucke
d it towards us.
"Enee-meene-minie-moe, kill a nooby by his toes, if he hollers let him know... I
NTO OBLIVION IS THE WAY TO GO!!"
"We're all going to die!" yelled the white haired man as he frantically searched
for his seatbelt that he threw away a while ago. "Ah! I can't find it! Ooh a fr
ee sock. Oh my god I'm too young to die!!1"
"Goodbye, Spirit!" cried out Eleven. "And your death will not be in vain, for I
shall be the future master of the world! Mhahhahahhaa!!!"
Part 27
"Goodbye, Spirit!" cried out Eleven. "And your death will not be in vain, for I
shall be the future master of the world! Mhahhahahhaa!!!"
"Here it comes!" shouted the white haired man. "Yo! Gramps! Watch your behind, h
ere comes the exploding potionsA burst of energy filled the air as the sky sudden flashed in a shade of purple.
Eleven seemed to have noticed it too, for he now rubbed his eyes in pain as the
two blue bottles of nitroglycerin slowly flew towards us. The old man suddenly

stood up from his seat, took off his old tattered cape, revealing a round purple
staff of some sort.
"......" the old man started mumbling a spell of some sort as his staff began to
glow.
"What is he saying?" shouted out a nearby archer as she climbed over to the fron
t seat. "I can't understand anything at all!"
Boom! The explosive bottles shattered upon hitting the giant coaster as everythi
ng went up in flames. The mystical tracks that guided the coaster crackled fierc
ely in the air as it flashed on and off.
"The tracks are going dead!" yelled out the attendant as she took out a giant ca
pe like cloth. "Everyone, prepare to jump ship, er... coaster!"
"Spirit!!" shouted a voice as I prepared to jump.
"Isaac?" I yelled back into the abyss of flames and smoke. "Oh no! It's a ghost!
Ahhhh!!1"
"I'm not dead yet!" Isaac replied as he waved his arms angrily. "Help me! I can'
t see where I'm at!"
"Why aren't you dead yet?" roared Eleven as he suddenly appeared with a runite b
lade, standing on top of the disappearing tracks. "Bah! I won't waste my time ki
lling you off! It'll only dirty my hands. Besides, the fire's probably gonna kil
l you allKa-whoosh! A burst of frost suddenly shot out from the elderly mages staff as gi
gantic blocks of ice fell from the sky and ceased the burning flames. The engine
somehow started itself again, for the GenieBlaator shot through the skies with
breakneck speed once more.
"What's going on?" said a nearby priest as he stood up from his seat. "I'm... I'
m still here! Thank Saradomin, we're alive, we're alive!! Thank thee o' glorious
lord that we're alivClunk.
"Huh..." replied Isaac. "So that's why my mommy always said not to stand up in t
he middle of a coaster ride."
"You insolent fools! How dare you defy my wrath!" Eleven yelled out with rage as
he swung his sword at the old mage.
Clunk! Whoosh. Slash. Smack! The mage suddenly swung his staff at the Jagex high
councilor and began exchanging blows with him, despite his old age and impaired
sight. With a mighty blow of his circular purple wand, Eleven's runite blade wa
s hurled into the air as the councilor stumbled back in pain.
"Why you stupid old fool..." Eleven cursed as he took out a rune with a white sk
ull marked upon it. "I'll teach you to mess with my powers! Ahhhhhh! Taste my wi
nd blast!! Zypharious Flatorius!!!".
The air twisted and warped like nothing I've ever seen before, as a giant orb of
wind suddenly shot out from nowhere. It rapidly flew towards the mage as the en
ergy which surrounded the orb ripped and cut apart everything in its path.
"......" the old man calmly sat down, took a deep breath and raised his staff. H

e continued chanting while the staff's violet light grew stronger with every sec
ond.
Whoosh! A wave of darkness immediately shot out from the staff as the shadows en
gulfed Eleven as if it were the very claws of hell itself.
"Ahhhh!" Eleven screamed in pain. "What is this trickery?! My eyes!! I can't see
anything at all!"
"Ack." the elderly mage suddenly dropped to his knees as his staff fell from his
now trembling hands. "It would seem that casting the ancient spells of Menaphit
e are failing me. My energy is drained... curse my old age!"
"Are you alright?" asked Isaac as he rushed to his side. "Can I plz try your sta
ff?"
"I... be careful. This millennium old magicks is not something to be toyed with.
.. it would be best if we did not... " the old man responded. "I..."
His cloak fell to the ground as his arm was revealed. A jagex insignia was tatto
oed right above his elbows, as Isaac, Eleven and I gasped in shock.
"Why... if it isn't
d to think the gods
e than a senile old
soon as I deal with

councilor nine." said Eleven as he smiled with a relief. "An

themselves were fighting against me. Ha, you are nothing mor
man whose outlived his usefulness. I think I'll kill you as
these two!"

"Senntis..." the old man raised his staff with all of his remaining strength. "S
tenntistenClunk. The mage dropped his staff as he slowly fell off from the GenieBlaator, h
eading straight for the ground.
"Finally!" Eleven exclaimed. "Now with that stupid old man out of our way, I can
finally kill the two of you, and never again see your ugly faces! Mhahhahaha!"
--Somewhere back on the ground, a little boy named Timmy is having a GenieRob Chun
kypants styled birthday bash with the super deluxe party package, and all of his
friends gathered around a giant cake. The young boy sat happily next to a giant
blue birthday cake, as he grinned stupidly and stared in amazement.
"Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Timmy, happy
birthday toSplat!
"Eek!" screamed a little girl as she ran crying. "Some old dead guy fell from th
e sky and landed in the cake! Ahhhh!!111"
The entire crowd dispersed within an instant as the old man slowly stood up and
rubbed his sore back. He then suddenly realized something was wrong, and covered
his month with his hands.
"Mommy!!! Omg!!" cried out a fat kid in fear as he ran around in circles. "Help
me! Help me! These denture things have got me on the bottom! Oh! Have mercy!!1"
"Waif a minufe!!" the elderly councilor cried out. "No, thif is a mistafe! I did
n' mean foo!!"

"You ruined my party, you fossil cake!" shouted Timmy angrily as he karate chopp
ed the old man in the face. "Everyone! Let's play pinata!!"
"Oh no..." the old man stumbled back as the crowd of five-year-olds gathered aro
und him, moving in like a pack of wolves hunting for pray. As Timmy suddenly gri
nned devilishly and let out a warcry, the entire crowd roared out in fury as the
little kids smacked and chased the old mage around with rubber chickens.
"Rumble!!" roared a skinny bald boy as he tackled the mage into the ground.
"My plastic hip!!! My lasagna!!1" screamed the old man as his voice reached us,
over a thousand feet above in the sky.
"Wow..." I said to Isaac. "He must have had quite an unlucky life."
"Heh." whispered Isaac as he carefully shoved the ancient staff into my backpack
. " Psst, fr33 st0f lol! I bet we can sell it for like, 500 gp if we find someon
e stupid!"
"Yeah!" I replied as I took out the purple wand like weapon and swung it around.
"Look at this old thing. I bet it doesn't even do anything besides make ice blo
cks and... stuff. Whee! Look at me, I'm a Zedi!"
Poke.
"OWWWWW!" Eleven cried out in pain as he held his face and fell to the ground. "
You stupid noobs! I'll kill you all right now! Rawr!!!"
"Oh." responded Isaac. "That's right, you're still here, aren't you?"
"GAH!! Of course I'm still here, you moron!" roared the high councilor as he pul
led out a yew longbow from his cape. "Aha! Ranged combat, suckers!"
Isaac then smiled as he tossed me a heavy sack, filled with cabbages.
"Lol! He said ranged combat!!111" exclaimed Isaac as he held out his thumb and s
miled. "Spirit, it's time to open a can of kick butt! Wo0t!"
Part 28
"Fools! You'll never defeat me in a fight of stealth, skill, and cunning!" said
Eleven as he aimed his bow towards me. "For I have undergone the great training
of the Jagex high council. I have graduated at the top of my class in the famous
bowman's academy in the western lands, not to mention I got fifteen medals of v
alor during the raid against Hazeel's cult! Not to mention my all time record on
the point n' snipe trials for the VRPD, and- OoF!"
"Lol! Nice one, Spirit!" laughed Isaac as a chunky cabbage exploded in the counc
ilor's face, knocking him unconscious.
"I'VE HAD IT!!!" Eleven screamed furiously as he leaped up into the air. "THAT'S
THE LAST STRAW!"
"Uh oh." said Isaac as he started running away. "I think he's angry now! Let's r
un!"
"Let's see you run from this!" roared the councilor as he tossed a runite throwi
ng axe towards us. He then picked up two more from a box on the ground and chuck
ed them as well. "Now! Dodge this you noobs! TRIAD STRIKE!!!1"

Whoosh! The first axe flew right over Isaac's head and took a sharp turn back to
wards us. The second followed immediately and sliced right through a nearby seat
.
"It's coming back!" yelled Isaac as he dove behind a giant piece of scrap iron.
"Omg Spirit!!1 I lost my favorite shoe!!"
"I say!" A tall blonde lady wearing white robes suddenly stood up and removed he
r cavalier hat. "What is all that racket? Have they not fixed the engine yet? If
we are stuck up here for any longer, then I will miss tea and brandy with Marga
ret! And we're supposed meet up with the girls afterwards and..."
"Yeah... yer' stuck up alright..." whispered a man as he brushed the sweat from
his mustache. "Aww, Blimey! Would you shut up for a minute, Alice?!? I'm going t
o miss the GenieRob live show, and today is the break dance day!"
"What nerve!" The blonde lady gasped and then smacked the man. "Don't tell me to
shut up! May I remind you is it I, that worked on the laundry, and it is I that
washed the dishes. If you want to cook your own damn food from now on, then fin
e! But never again-"
"Never what?" the gentleman replied.
"Lookie there!" said Alice as she pointed upwards.
"Lookie what?" the man responded as he stood up from his seat. He then suddenly
sat down as he covered his nose with one hand. "Saradomin's grace, what view!"
SLAP!
"Not the lady, you dolt!" Shouted the blonde girl angrily as she pointed towards
the fight. "Look! Look! Why, them kids are duking it out with that bloke in the
armor!"
"Eh?" Eleven suddenly stopped as his shouted back. "Stop pointing at me you monk
eys!! You inferior beasts! How dare you-"
CLUNK!
"Woot woot!" shouted Isaac as he clobbered Eleven in the face with his shoe. "Wh
o owns?"
"NOOBS!!!" growled the high councilor as he kicked me into the air and slammed m
e with a mithril war hammer. "No more distractions!"
"Lol!" said Isaac as he took out a lollipop. "Dude, that's like the fourth time
you said that. Give it up, you can't win."
"Shut up! And stay out of this before I kill you... um, I'll really do it this t
ime too!" replied Eleven as he swung his hammer at Isaac. He then turned towards
me and took out a adamantine halberd from the box. "You and me, noob! I'll duel
you!"
"Psst... Spirit, I'm gonna go find some free box in that box of his, just keep h
im busy." whispered Isaac as he snuck past the high councilor.
"This is my ultimate attack! Er... other ultimate attack!" shouted Eleven as he
tossed the giant blade into the air and whirled it around. Death Crusher!!"
"Whoa!" The giant halberd landed with a loud sound as it ripped the coaster in h

alf. I quickly jumped over the swing and ran towards Eleven.
"Okay, my turn!" I shouted happily. "Watch this! Super no0ber special..."
"HAHA!" laughed the councilor. "You can't expect to hurt me, not without your st
upid Banz0r blade and Apocalypse ring!"
"Oh my god the toilet's overflowing!" I shouted in a panicky voice as Eleven tur
ned around.
"Darn the stupid mint thingie!" Eleven exclaimed. "Wait a minute... the toilet d
idn't overflow-"
Splat! The councilor let out a loud yell of pain, frustration, and need to use t
he bathroom as a giant pie was slammed into his face. His face warped and shook
in slow motion as I leaped up Matrix styled, and threw another pie at him.
"I can't...lose." Eleven fell over as a third pie hit him in the jaw and knocked
him out.
"Everyone, fr33 st0f!" shouted Isaac as every single person on the GenieBlaator
got out of their seat and dashed towards Eleven. The mob quickly started taking
random things on the ground, such as shiny runes, coins, and loose teeth.
Crunch! The Genieblaator shook as more and more people gathered on the center pa
rt, fighting over the unconscious man's property. Another spark shot through the
tracks as Isaac slowly turned and said, "Hey... that's not a good sound, is it?
".
"Oh, don't worry. The fall won't kill us." I replied calmly.
"Whew, that's a relief." said Isaac as he attempted to stuff another gold 'Jagex
' helmet into his pockets.
"But it'll still hurt though." I finished my sentence.
"Dang."
The tracks of the giant coaster let out one final crackled as everything fell ap
art, sending the entire machine, filled with over two hundred passengers straigh
t towards the ground, with a loud, 'Boom-sploota-ka-whoosh-pow-splatz0rs-ow-my-f
ace' sound as it landed.
--"Spirit! Spirit!" shouted a voice as I mumbled something under my breath.
"That's my pudding you stupid monkey-"
SMACK!
"OW!!!" I sat up suddenly as Ayumi slapped me on the side of my head, waking me
up. "Where's the light-up spoon?! Er... hi!"
"Dang. And we were gonna leave you here." smiled Ayumi as she took out what seem
ed to be the Apocalypse ring. "Score! Nice work guys."
"What happened?" I slowly sat up and shook the sand out of my ears. "Oh my god,
where's Eleven?"

"Oh, he had to go home and eat dinner." replied Isaac as he cheered. "But we paw
nt him, wo0t!"
"Wait a minute..." said Ayumi as she looked up towards the setting sun. "I almos
t forgot, you guys! The ship headed to the dragon's cove leaves tomorrow morning
! We've only got a few hours to shop for supplies..."
Isaac sighed disappointedly and got up.
"And you guys can still catch the GenieRob breakdance show live!" exclaimed Ayum
i.
"Woot!!" yelled Isaac as he kicked me off the chair and started running. "Last o
ne there's a rotten cabbage!!"
"I've got you now!" I shouted as I chased after him, swinging my fist at him.
"Heh." Ayumi laughed gently as she picked up a bag of coins and walked towards t
he Faladonian town square. "Elvarg, here we come!"
Part 29
"Come on, you guys!" shouted Ayumi as she dragged me through a crowd of people w
aving goodbye. "We want to get the best seats before they're taken!"
"Why does it even matter?" asked Isaac as he ran after us, breathing heavily. He
then placed a large knapsack onto the ground and sat down. "Ugh, Ayumi, you don
't travel light, do you?"
The ship's foghorn blew as the rising sun grew even brighter in the sky. The mor
ning dew slowly dripped from the moistened leafs, while doves encircled the gian
t dwarven steamship and marveled as its wonder. The dark blue waters of Port Sar
im swirled and clashed onto the mighty plates of the ship, like a breeze of wind
gently hugging a mountain.
"Oy!" shouted a young man with a mithril scimitar clipped onto his belt. He ran
onto the deck of the ship and ruffled his spiky brown hair under a red headband.
"Is everyone here?"
"Stop yelling Finway!" replied a girl with long black hair as she quickly made h
er way onto the boat. "Hey, have you guys seen my paintbrush and-"
Thunk!
A timid monk suddenly ran past the girl, knocking her over on accident. He quick
ly got up and gave a hand to help her up, apologized and ran after two little ki
ttens.
"My sincerest apologies, Lady Tenshi! I was a bit preoccupied with certain other
events, and perhaps that caused me to be less meticulous than I-"
"Don't worry about it!" shouted the girl as she smiled and waved back. "Good mor
ning to you too! By the way, have you seen Mar-"
BOOM!
"Ahahahaha!" laughed a man as he aimed a cannon towards the ship. "What now? I k
new I would break out of this place one day, and now I shall wreak havoc upon al
l your faces!"
"Ballistar?" I slowly walked up to him.

"Spirit!!" exclaimed the man as his eyes grew red with anger. "Why you stupid no
ob... D'oh! I'm gonna grind your bones to dust and all that stuff... er, I mean.
.. excellent timing!!"
As he proceeded to load up a second shot, Finway hastily leaped off the starboar
d and swung his blade at Ballistar.
"Stop firing at our ship!" he yelled.
"Bug off!" Ballistar replied angrily. "This ain't none of your business! I've go
t a cannon, I can blow up anything I want to!"
"Spirit!" said Isaac as he drew his mithril sword.
"Right!" I picked up the Banz0r blade and charged in after him as well.
"Eat this!" screamed the scammer as he set off the cannon.
BOOM!
Another shot rocked the piers as people began screaming and running for their li
ves. The Port Sarim guards all rushed towards Ballistar, but then stopped when t
hey saw his hideous face, and ran away crying for their mommies.
"It's no good!" shouted Isaac. "He's got a cannon!"
POW!
The giant steel cannonball ripped through the crowd as it sent Finway flying ont
o the deck of the steamship. His two friends quickly rushed to him as Ballistar
roared with laughter and continued to bombard the peaceful coast.
"I've got an idea!" I whispered to Isaac as he nodded and grinned.
"I am the all powerful Ballistar!" yelled the madman as he continued to fire awa
y at random little kids. "Fear me and tremble at my might-"
"Oh no." cried Isaac in a sarcastic tone as he took out a bronze platemail. "Oh,
dear. My bronze plate is so boring and plain. Oh, woe is me. Who will trim my a
rmor for free? Pls."
"Armor... trimming?" Ballistar suddenly stopped and dropped the cannon.
"It's actually working!" Ayumi whispered as she climbed onto a rock for a better
view.
"Nice try!" shouted Ballistar as he fired off another round. The cannonball flew
right towards the steamship as the sailors panicked and jumped overboard.
"Seamus!" yelled one of the sailors as he swam towards the shore. "Say, aren't t
here sharks in these waters?"
"Oh no, there hasn't been any since Guthix broke his jaw at that party last year
." replied his friend. "But I heard that there are some river trolls dragging pe
ople to the bottom of the lakes and eating their brains or something like that..
. hey! Where did you go?"
---

"I've got this!" I picked up the Banz0r blade and ran right in front of the flyi
ng projectile. "Ban...z0r"
"I don't believe it!" shouted Finway as he found his scimitar and stood up. "The
guy's going to deflect the cannonball?!"
"BLADE!!" The shores of Port Sarim lit up and flashed in a bright wave of light
as the giant sword slashed the steel orb in half. Everyone slowly opened their e
yes, and marveled at the remnants of the destructive weapon.
"Duh... does that mean we can arrest him now?" asked one of the guards.
"NOO!" cried Ballistar angrily as he went into a frenzy of rapidly shooting cann
onballs. "You all suck!!1 Watch me blow up your entire town and take all your ar
mors! This is better than any scam I've ever thought of! No longer shall Ballist
ar be a third rate scammer making forty gold pieces a day in Varrock! I now rule
the worl-"
Whoosh!
An explosion sent Ballistar flying over the ships as Ayumi pointed an air staff
towards where the cannon once stood. The scammer screamed and flailed as he shot
across the sky, before finally landing painfully on the tiki head thingies near
the Port Sarim jail.
"Hooray for the purple haired young lady!" shouted one of the guards. "Hip-hip,
hooray!"
The crowd joined in and began cheering as well. "Hip-hip, hooray! Hip-hip, hoo-"
"Shut up!" shouted Ayumi as she pointed towards the jail. Go arrest him, you guy
s! Don't just stand here!"
"Hey, Isaac..." I nudged him with my elbow.
"Not now, hang on." Isaac replied as He picked up the bronze platemail and prais
ed its awesome bronzeness.
"Isaac..." I said hesitantly.
"What's wrong?" He turned around and looked at me and suddenly stopped. Isaac's
face had a shocked expression on his face, kind of like those sour goblin candy
commercials on the magic box. No wait, that's a shocked expression, or was he ha
ving gas?
"Yeesh, you look more worried than I am." I replied in an assuring tone. "I was
just going to say that I forgot our coins back at the inn. Don't have a heart at
tack! If you're worried about Ballistar, this is like the seven millionth time w
e foiled his plans. Besides, it's not like he ever does anything right anyway. J
ust listen! Even the ships are mocking him by the sound of their foghorns... FOG
HORNS?!?"
"Oh no!" shouted Isaac as he pulled an empty potato bag over his head. "Not the
fog! Anything but the fog! Everyone duck for cover! The evil fog of doom is comi
ng to destroy us all!"
"Ack!" exclaimed Ayumi as she suddenly realized what had happened. "No you moron
s! Look at the ships!"
The docks of port sarim turned completely silent as everyone looked towards the

direction of the ships. There he was, Ballistar the scammer, standing upon the g
iant steamboat as he swung an iron mace around at the crew. He then mumbled some
thing to them that we couldn't hear, and took out a black snail hat and placed i
t upon his ugly head.
"OH MY GOSH!!" gasped a sailor as he slowly climbed back up the docks. "He's gon
na use his evil powers of darkness and turn us all into snails!"
"My god!" cried out Ayumi in frustration as she slapped the sailor on the back o
f the head. "Is stupidity infectious? No, he's not going to turn us into snails!
He's hijacking the ship!"
"Oh, whew." sighed the crowd in unison.
"Very good, my purple haired genius darling, um... lady!" Ballistar taunted. "I
now declare myself uber armer trimmer of the world and take command of this ship
! I now control the fate of the crew!1 Mhahahahhahaa!! Farewell, fools!"
The ship's engines roared as it shot through the bay and towards the horizon. Ba
llistar laughed and climbed up higher and higher onto the sails, then suddenly r
ealizing something as the ship turned around.
"You can have the stupid old man, he smells like fish." said the scammer rudely
as the captain was kicked off the starboard. "Onward, my hostages!"
Part 30
"Spirit!" cried Ayumi as she rushed towards the smoking rubbles of the dock. "We
missed the ship... the two hundred thousand coin mission... gone."
"It's not over yet!" an old man smiled as he slowly climbed out of a pile of sea
weed and old boots. He had a look of confidence in his eyes as he turned and sh
ook our hand. "The name's Ned. Captain Ned."
--"Bhhahahahha!" laughed an old man as he pounded his beer keg on the table. "So y
ourr the adventurrers that are takin' this job, er... trip, eh?"
"Yup." nodded Isaac.
"Well. Your'n luck! I'd just happen' to be have a second boat, if you'se ready."
"Ready? We don't need much, do we?" asked Ayumi.
The old sailor scratched his head. "Neh... lemme think for a minute. Dunt worry
'bout it, I gots everythin' al'ready for ya, just get on the boat and we be sail
in' off."
"Alright!" said Isaac. "Well, let's go guys!"
"Ahahahahahaha!" laughed the sailor. "You'd be the bravest adventure-people I'd
see in years!"
"Why is that?" asked Ayumi.
"Er... I din't say nuthin'... did I? I meant good choice." replied the old sailo
r. "By the way, m'names Ned. Pleased to meet yer."
"My name's Isaac!" shouted Isaac as he began introducing us. "This is Ayumi, and

Spirit."
"Arg... you'd be Isak, and the lass is Ayumi and this be Spir...tHe coughed. And fell over the table.
"Omg he died!!111" shouted Isaac as he screamed in fear.
"Sorry lad." said Ned. "Accident'ly choked on me dentures. Anyhow, let's go!!"
He then led us outside past a grand row of galley ships, and stopped at an oak b
uilt cruise boat at end of the pier. "Well... git on!"
"Wow..." exclaimed Isaac. "So this is the ship that we're taking? It's amazing!"
"Oh wait. My mistake... arg." said Ned as he scratched his head once again. "Thi
s be the one!"
He pointed towards an old raggedy fishing boat, with a wooden mermaid ornament h
anging from the tip of the ship's nose. The words "Lady Lumbrig-" was slowly fad
ing away from the ship's hull, as the deck was splintered all over with old wood
and rusted iron.
"We're supposed to ride this thing?" shouted Ayumi as the sound of her voice app
arently made the mermaid's head break off and fall right into the water.
"Grr... now I gots to fix that dern' thing..." mumbled Ned. "Applesauce... huh?
Oh yeah, your right! Time's a wastin'! I've had this old thing since Saradomin w
as runnin' in diapers, now come on, we've got a steamship to rescue!"
He shoved Isaac onto the old boat, and Ayumi and I soon followed him right after
.
"This doesn't look very safe..." I whispered to Ayumi quietly. Apparently Ned mu
st have heard us.
"Oh, Monkeyshpoo!" said Ned as he slapped the ship's mast. "I've had this old th
ing fer' years, ever since... oh wait, I already told you. Well, it never had an
y problems! Now you quit your worryin' and enjoy the ride, arg.."
The sail made a loud cracking sound, and broke right in half and crashed right o
n top of the oak cruise ship nearby.
"Hey! You stupid old man!" yelled a bald, fancy-mustached gentlemen as he ran af
ter our ship. "Your stupid piece of crud broke my ship! Hey, come back!!!"
"Arg, keep yer' shirt on!" shouted Ned as he steered the ship slowly further and
further away from the harbor. "Eh... stupid people these days, ain't got no res
pect fer' an old sailor like me..."
"Well. We might as well enjoy the trip." said Ayumi. "I'm sure that Karamja Isle
will be much better. And besides, look how sturdy the starboard mast is!" She p
laced her hand on it and tapped it twice. "See? No problems."
Snap. The mast was then suddenly ripped in half by a mysterious gust of wind, an
d flew a couple of hundred feet away and landed into the water with a loud splas
hing sound.
"Well, what do ya' know?" said Ned as he turned around. "That ol' ship mast over
thar' reminds me of the one that we had." then he laughed. "Haha. Shucks. Tis'

like as if somebody ripped off ours and stuck it thar, ahhahahahhaha!"

"Oh god." sighed Ayumi as she walked into the ship's cabin. "I'm calling it a da
y. Night guys."
"Night." said Isaac as he started walking away. "Yeah.. I'll see you later Spiri
t... I gotta find a poo bucket. Never eat raspberries!" shouted Isaac as he took
off and slammed the bathroom door.
--There more hours must have past. The night was slowly setting is as the sky grew
dark. The winds blew across the darkened sea, as waves rushed against our ship,
hitting it over and over again like an ugly... um, something.
"Arg, thar' be a storm comin'!" Shouted Ned as he frantically steered the ship.
"Brace yerselves!"
BZZZZZZZT! A bolt of lightning struck from the sky and hit the ship's cabin. The
cabin then caught on fire and began burning.
"Omg get the water!" yelled Isaac as he ran outside with a bucket. He dashed tow
ards the sink, turned it on and a single drop of water came out.
"There's no water!!" shouted Isaac as he began running around in circles. "Free
water plsh!!!11" He held out the bucket in attempt to catch the raindrops.
"Isaac!" I shouted. "We're in the middle of an ocean! Just grab some water from"You're right!" exclaimed Isaac as he pulled out a waterskin and dumped out the
water on the burning cabin. "There's not enough!!111"
CKKKKKKKKK! Another bolt of lightning shot from the skies and hit our ship, blow
ing a hole right in the deck. Water began overflowing as the ship slowly started
to sink.
"Hold on there!" cried Ned as he took out a pipe and a tinderbox.
BOOM! A rum barrel exploded as the tides rammed against the ship's hull once mor
e. Isaac ran for the free beer, but slipped and knocked over Ned, causing the ol
d man to choke on his pipe.
"Spirit! Isaac!" shouted Ayumi as she ran out from her cabin, her clothing dripp
ing wet with rain. "Hang on for a bit longer! I think I can see the clouds dispe
rse over the horizon-"
KA-BOOM! The wooden boards that covered the ship's cabin exploded under the tens
e pressure as splinters shot across the ship.
"Ack!" cried out Ayumi in pain as she covered her bleeding arm with a piece of c
loth. She then clenched her teeth as she tore off the left seam of her robe and
tied it around the wound.
"Are you alright?" I quickly rushed over to her side as the pouring rain and the
raging tides attempted to swallow our tiny ship.
"Pa-tooey!" the purple faced captain spat out his pipe and gasped for air. He th
en stood up, looking dazed and fell over the starboard rails.
"Oh no!" said Isaac as he ran towards the rails. "The old guy fell to his death

in the cruel seas! Why? WHY?!? I wanted his hat!!!1"

"I'm okay!" shouted Ned as he grabbed onto the bottom of the rails and held on f
or dear life. "But you're not! Save yourselves, young'ns! The ship's gonna snap
in half and you're going down right into the ocean with the whole kit-n'-kaboodl
e!"
"I'm too young to die!" Isaac shouted out in fear as he jumped into a barrel. "T
here's so many things that I haven't seen! So many places I haven't been to! I d
on't wanna... oh, pickles!"
"Don't worry!" I replied in assurance. "We're gonna make it! Trust meWham! A box full of raw fish slid right towards me and knocked me over the front
deck as my body slowly fell into the dark ocean.
"SPIRIT!!!" cried Ayumi. "NOOOOOOO!!!"
Part 31
Everything felt colder and gloomier as I slowly plunged towards the bottom of th
e dark blue ocean. The storm suddenly seemed calmer as I moved further and furth
er away, with now only the raindrops reflecting off the moonlight as my guide. I
flailed and swung my arms, attempting to swim back up, hoping that they would t
hrow a rope of some sort to save me. But my eyes slowly began to blur as my enti
re body became more and more tired...
"Spirit, wakey-wakey!" shouted a high pitched voice.
"Go away... I'm tired." I replied.
"But it's pie day!" the creature made another loud noise that shot through my ea
rs. Its echoes continued to ring in my head, like a goblin passing gas.
"Will you please leave me aloneMy voice broke off as I sat up and opened my eyes. A mass of rainbowy colors fil
led the atmosphere as dancing pies chased each other around under a cabbage tree
, roaring with laughter.
"Our king is here, our king is here!" said one of the pies.
"Where... where am I?" I asked as a giant statue of a monkey in full bronze sudd
en rose from the ground. "I'm not dead yet, am I?"
The pies giggled and started whispering in a high squeaky voice. Then one of the
m picked up another pie and held it towards me with both hands. A river of spark
ly cabbage leafs flowed across the landscape as flowers of a thousand colors cov
ered the lush, beautiful grass. The sun shined with all its glory, and the birds
spread their wings and encircled the purple colored skies.
"Wow..." I stood up in amazement. "This place is amazing! I... I must be in heav
en!"
"Nope." said a pie wearing a microscopic crown as it approached me and sniffed m
y elbow.
"Nope... nope...nope... nop..." the pie's echoes continued to be heard all throu
ghout the field.
"Uh... I'm at grandma's house?" I took a second guess.

"Wha...?" King Pie took a look at me and scratched his head. Then he broke off a
piece of his pie crust and stuffed it into his mouth. "Kid, you have a messed u
p head. You're in pie land, the greatest place on the face of the... um, your im
agination!"
"So I'm dreaming?" I slowly replied in hesitation as my heart sank.
"Yes..." replied the king. "But that's okay. You can just stay here and bow down
to... dun dun dun, KING PIE!!"
"Pie...pie...pie...pi..." repeated the echoes.
"But, what about my friends?" I said to giant, delicious looking pie. "We have t
o go slay a dragon, and our ship got hijacked by this ugly dude, and then this s
melly old guy got us another one and took us here, but the ship sank and Isaac h
it his face on a plank thingie and-"
"All is well, young grasshopper." replied the Pie King in a kung-fu movie-ish to
ne.
"Uh... I'm not a grasshopper, I'm actually a human but I have-"
"Silence!! You are ruining the moment." snapped the king as a golden cabbage sud
denly popped out from thin air. "Ah, why it is the ancient cabbage of all powerf
ul-ness and shinies. You want, no?"
"Can you please talk normal?" I responded. "I'm hungry too, can I pick the cabba
ge plz?"
"Uh... let me think." said the king as he sniffed the golden cabbage. "How about
... no!"
"Can I at least have some food then?" I asked again.
"Food? FOOD?!?" roared the pie as he grew bigger and bigger. "Ah, why, food. You
must first defeat me in monkey combat, then you shall eat."
"This is getting way too weird." I started to walk away.
"You are no leaving nowhere!" said the king as he summersaulted off the giant ca
bbage tree and fell into a nearby cabbage patch. "Ow... for you will be our frie
nd, FOREVER!!!"
"Forever... forever... forever... forSMACK!
"Shuddap you stuipid echoes!!!" cried King Pie as he slapped a nearby pie in the
head. "Now then! Pies of Kingdom Pie! Attack!!"
"Teeheehee!" giggled all the pies as they gathered into a cluster. The giant pil
e of pies grew even more gigantic, and a hundred-feet tall pie golem was soon st
ood towering over the cabbage tree. "You will never leave us!!!"
"Not if I can help it!" I yelled as I threw an orange cabbage from my backpack.
"Rubber cabbage!!!"
Doink. The cabbage bounced off the giant pie monster and landed in the river wit
h a 'plop' sound.

"Oh ho ho!" laughed the Pie King as he took another chunk of out his own crust a
nd ate it. "The pie golem cannot be easily defeated, but you on the other hand,
will lose now!"
"Oh yeah?" I began digging through my backpack for weapons frantically as the gi
ant pie monster slowly approached. "Take this! Rubber cabbage! Chunky cabbage! E
xploding cabbage!"
The giant pie golem began to suck in air with all of its might as it devoured th
e three cabbages. It then covered up its nostrils with four hands and shot the c
abbages back towards me.
POW! Splat. BOOM!!!
The force of the three attacks chunked me over the fields of rainbow flowers and
cabbage as I landed painfully on top of the cabbage tree. The Pie King laughed
as he attempted to do the robot dance.
"You there! Servant!" shouted King Pie. "Bring me a glass of milk! And then toss
it out and make me some tea! I hate milk!"
"Friends..." squealed the pies as the giant golem moved it closer.
"I've got one last chance!" I shouted as I reached for the golden cabbage that h
overed above the sky.
"I've got the golden cabbage!" I shouted as all the pies froze in fear. "Now, oh
mighty cabbage of uber-powerfulness, grant me your power plz!"
A moment later, uh... nothing really happened.
All the pies looked at each other with a dumb look on their faces as a cricket c
hirped over and over again. A sweat drop appeared on my face as the golden cabba
ge sputtered, and then stood still.
"Something's supposed to happen, right?" said one of the pies as it fell flat on
its face.
"Oh, poop." said the king nervously as he shrugged. "So it really is useless...
Heh... Oops."
"Then why do you even keep it like it's all powerful and... stuff?!?" I shouted.
"Uh... it's shiny?" King Pie scratched his head and turned.
"Hooray, shiny!" said the crowd in unison as every pie let out a high pitched so
und in amazement.
"Now then!" shouted the giant pie as a giant goodie bag fell from the rainbow sk
ies. "Here is a bag of goodies, since you really want to go, then I might as wel
l let you leave, since my mom's probably gonna make me eat soon. Now what shall
I give you?"
"Ooh! Ooh!" a tiny pie jumped up and down in excitement. "Give him the rubber ch
icken, sire! The rubber chicken!"
"Silence, O' puny fatheaded one! Your ideas are lame! Why, they're so lame that
if lameless were a brick, then your idea would be the great wall of Asgarnia!" s
houted King Pie as he kicked the tiny pie into a ditch. "Aha! I think I shall gi

ve him... not the stupid mask thingie, it reminds me of my friend's grandma. Hmm
, not that worthless old pumpkin either, nor that ugly pink hat that says party
on it... I've got it! I think I'll give him (everyone clap), the rubber chicken!
I am sooo brilliant, why I should be crowd king of all, um... whatever this pla
ce is called."
"But sir, you are already the king here." said the tiny pie as he slowly crawled
his way back out from the ditch with a blacked eye.
"Silence!" roared King Pie as he kicked the little bitty pie into the ditch agai
n. "How are you suggest that?!? Insolence! As for your punishment, I shall crown
myself the king all of this land beyond the backyard! Well, maybe except near t
hat spot where the unicorn poops at, what a disgusting creature! Now then, bow d
own to your new king, everyone"OMG HES EATING the DONUT!!!1111oneoneshiftoneoneleventysevenpiepls?!?!?//1//?/?
" gasped the pie golem.
"No, kid, that's not food!!!" shouted King Pie frantically.
"What did you say?" I slowly turned around as I picked up the purple donut and b
it it. Before I could even swallow the nastiness of its plastic and foam, the pu
rple donut began shaking as the entire field erupted in a barrage of earthquakes
. Then WHOOOSH! A black vortex suddenly appeared out of nowhere, and sucked me r
ight in along with the golden cabbage, and poof, disappeared.
"The Disk of Return and Please Rewind..." said the tiny pie as he pointed toward
s where we once stood. "Didn't he drown in the middle of the ocean or something
before he got here?"
Everyone suddenly looked at each other with a blank worried expression, not mutt
ering a single word until the king knocked the pie golem's head flying with the
rubber chicken.
"Oh well, Chicken Tag!" said King Pie as he shrugged.
Part 32
The river of sparkly star thingies shined and glistened as it dazzled me with al
l its wonder and beauty. Loose change fell out of my pockets as I worriedly held
on to my hard earned coins in the vortex of time, space, and continuity. Oh wai
t, wrong story. Anyhow, black hole, vortex, spinny thingies, flying through. You
get my point.
"Hang on guys, I'm coming to help." I thought to myself as the circle of light a
t the end of the endless tunnel grew brighter. But when I was about to enter, a
beam of light suddenly shot through, blocking my way back to our world.
"Take that and rewind it back, numbah seven's got the power to make the scammers
go splat..." chanted a thin frail man wearing glasses as he flew right towards
me. Apparently he is wearing some kind of slayer earmuffs and head banging to ho
rrible music.
Wham!
"Hey! Watch where you're going!" yelled the thin man. His cape suddenly swirled
as his golden Jagex armor was revealed. "Wait a minute... you're not supposed to
be in here! We haven't had people in here ever since we started banning-"
"Omg! A GenieRob blanky! I haven't seen one since I was three! Can I have it ple
ase? It's swirly." I grabbed onto the man's cape and attempted to take it from h

im.
"NO!" roared the high councilor. "It's not a blanky! It's my cape darn it! You'r
e not supposed to be in here anyway! I'm telling Andrew!!11 Omg, bug abuse! Bug
abuse!!!"
"Come back please!" I chased after the thin man as he flew away faster and faste
r. "I just want some free stuff!!"
The man suddenly disappeared in a flash along with the portal of light. A meaty
kebab flew from out of nowhere and hit me in the face, sending me into a differe
nt portal.
Whoosh!
"Ow!" I shouted as I landed on my face in a field of rocks, lava, and infernos.
"More tea, Mr. Bunny?" said a giant flaming demon happily as he sat on a granite
stone table, holding a tiny tea cup, surround by cute little animals.
"Zamorak?" I suddenly burst out laughing. The lord of all destruction and chaos
looked at me with dismay, dropped his tea cup and ran away crying.
"You saw nothing!" Zamorak sniffled as he ran into a room of flames and darkness
, bursting into tears. "Honey, I need a hug! Those stupid people are making fun
of me again! WHAAAA!!!"
Hmm... so maybe that wasn't the right portal. Let's try another one.
Whoosh!
I opened my eyes and took a deep breath, knowing that I would need it since I wa
s drowning in the middle of an ocean. The nearby surroundings quickly came into
view, and I was soon surrounded by water from every direction.
"Glub!!" I rapidly swam upwards in hopes of reaching the surface before running
out of air and passing out again, but then a gnome wearing a fishbowl suddenly a
ppeared and blocked my way, holding out some food.
"Ello miister!!!" shouted the gnome. "Do you want to buy a keebab good, yes?!? O
nly three-hundred, fifty thousand, twenty-seven million, eighty-five bazillion,
green, and eleventh-seven gold coins!"
"Go away!" I mumbled as tears ran out from my eyes, my face turning blue.
"Ah? But do you mean you say green is no number? Oh well." said the gnome disapp
ointedly. He then stuffed a beer mug right into my mouth and swam away gracefull
y like a fat ballet dancer. "But beer is the free, hooray, beer!"
"Can't... breathe..." the last bit of air in my lungs slowly drained away as my
vision blurred once more and pretty butterflies seemed to flutter by. Oh, how I
wish I had a warm, freshly baked apple pie to savor as I live the final moments
of my noobish live. I wonder what Isaac and the others are up to by now. Who kno
ws how much time has passed since the ship broke into a million pieces in that f
ierce thunderstorm. I just hope the others are alright.
"Spirit!" mumbled a soft voice behind me. I turned around as more and more cerul
ean butterflies gathered around me and twirled in a ballet of bubbles under the
sea. I sighed as everything felt calm, the fishies, the seaweeds, the skeleton i
n the corner holding onto a santa claus hat for dear life; even in death. And th

e purple clod of long hair that slowly... wait a minute!

"Ayumi!!!" I cried out as water rushed into my lungs. A flash of pain surged thr
ough my ribs as my mind began slipping away, even more. The purple haired girl s
wam desperately towards me, with an air rune in her hand and hope in her eyes. I
t's becoming extremely difficult to stay awake... but, I have to!
"Zypharious *cough* Glub!" whispered Ayumi as white wisps of air shot out from h
er hands. She yelled out in pain as a crimson mist scattered throughout the wate
r, the blood dispersing everywhere. A soft kiss brushed across my lips as everyt
hing turned pitch black.
Zypharious Ventus.
--"Is he awake?" a voice spoke.
"No, poke him again." replied a girl.
CLUNK!
A shovel's handle was suddenly thrust into my face as I slowly opened my eyes, l
ooking towards the bright tropical sun.
"I SAID POKE! NOT JAB TO OBLIVION!!!" Yelled Tenshi nervously as Finway slowly w
alked away whistling.
"Yay, you're alive!" shouted Isaac as he ran towards me.
"Dude!!" I replied excitedly. "I had the craziest dream ever! Our ship got blown
to bits, and I fell overboard, and there was all these pie people, and I learne
d a new cabbage attack, and there was this purple donut, and... and everything w
ent whoosh, and there was another councilor, and zamorak had this tea party, and
everything drowned again, and free stuff, and ayumi..."
"I think he's had a bit too much seawater..." whispered Finway.
"Where's Ayumi?" I started to babble as the entire crew stared at me. "What day
is it? Why am I still alive? And who taped the season finale of GenieRob?!? Ah!
I'm... hungry."
"Uh..." Isaac opened his mouth with a dazed expression on his face. "Over there
in the cabin, stinky kebab Tuesday, those guys over there, vanilla pudding, and.
.. crap! I forgot to put new tape in the magic box writer!"
"What?" said the monk as he scratched his head.
"Who are those guys again?" asked Isaac stupidly.
"That would be... Kittyphantom and... Lord Exploz." said Tenshi with a hesitant
smile. She then moved towards Isaac and mumbled. "They think they're... superher
oes, just play along with it, they make really good cookies."
"Pleased to be of acquaintance." bowed Kittyphantom.
"Top o' the morning', mate!" Lord Exploz waved. "Wow, you being alive's the bigg
est miracle I've ever seen! Why, that lassie over there brought you up here an'
her arm was all cut up like the bum of a munkey that sits on a cactus, I've neve
r-"

"Ayumi!!!" I ran towards the cabin.

"Aww, now ain't we got a rude one?" laughed Lord Exploz jokingly. "I don't blame
ya, mate! Run to her!"
"Ayumi! Are you hurt? Thank you so much for saving my life back there I thought
I was going to die and never be able to watch GenieRob for as long as I lived an
d everything was all weird andSlap!
"Calm down, Spirit!" Ayumi smiled, holding her arm that was wrapped in bandages
as she walked out from the cabin, followed by Ned in a wooden wheelchair.
"You're okay!" I cried out in relief. "That was some crazy trip going on! There
was all those pie people and the golden cabbage and the jagex council and zamora
k and the short gnome kid drinking beer, and how did you ever manage to cast the
spell under water when you can't talk... GASP! The kiss!!!"
"Kiss?" everyone suddenly got quiet and turned to look at us. "OOooo0o0oooOO0h!
Spirit and Ayumi, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-"
WHAM!
"Yeah, that's right! You better shut up!" laughed Ayumi as she clenched her fist
s, her face turning bright red.
"Well then." smiled Tenshi as she leaned against the cabin. "I could already tel
l that this won't be a boring trip after all. Elvarg, get ready!"
--Just on another side note... somewhere out in the middle of the ocean.
"Help me!" shouted Ballistar as he held onto a barrel of fish and coins. "Somebo
dy help me please! I'll trim their armor for only five hundred coins! Two hundre
d? Fine! One fifty! Pleeeeeeease?!? *Mumble* Aww, I think I wet myself again."
Part 33
The morning foghorn of the dwarven steamship awakened us as the rising
y made its way above the horizon. A clear, crisp morning breeze filled
s the island of Crandor rapidly approached us. The crew was already up
ring for the landing, with Ayumi, Isaac, Finway and Lord Exploz eating
on deck. The gentle monk strolled across the starboard, chasing after
ittens as Tenshi sat on top of the cabin and pondered.

sun slowl
the air a
and prepa
breakfast
his two k

"Hey, Spirit." said the girl as she waved her paintbrush. "I need your opinion,
which would go better with the azure water? The crimson red or orchid?"
"Uh... personally I'd go with a purple or green." I replied, not really knowing
what to say.
"Okay...?" She looked at me with a weird expression on her face. She then smiled
, shrugged and took out a tube of violet paint.
"Arg!!" yelled Ned as he ran screaming from the bathroom, with toilet paper stuc
k to his shoes. "Ahoy thar mateys!!!"
"Are we there yet?" asked Isaac excitedly as he ran towards the old captain.

"Everyone pack yer' bags!" shouted Ned as he took out an old scroll from his poc
kets. "We be settin' off to Karamja in ten! Now gather 'round young'ns! Here be
the map of the ancient islan'... Ah, yes. Here we are, sailin' in towards that s
hore out yonder. An' soon as we hit land, we drop the anchors and split into two
groups."
"Why two groups?" asked Finway.
"Good question me lad!" replied Ned. "Well, Karamja's been known for havin' dang
erous monsters, cannibals, and even demons from the very inner cores of hell! If
we all went chargin' in like a cow with its head cut off, all them monsters wou
ld be rushin' us on one side an' slaughter us all faster than you can say 'Oy, m
onkey! Oy, monkey! Banana, oy, oy!'"What?" exclaimed Lord Exploz.
"Er... nothin' really." replied Ned. "Anyhoo, the two groups will make its way u
p to the tip o' the volcano an' drop in through a crevice."
"Is that the purple blotch on the map?" asked Isaac.
"Yes, uh... no." replied Ned. "Hmm, why that be me raisin prune, helps an old sa
ilor like me with digestion. Continuing on, we then gather on the archaic gates
of Elvarg and prepare to take her down. Now, I recken it only be fair to warn ye
that not all of you will make it out alive-"
"That's okay!" Finway interrupted. "I'm just concerned about these two ladies he
re... heh heh-"
WHAM!
"I think we get the point." said Ayumi angrily as she crackled her knuckles. "Al
right, let's move out."
--Isaac slowly made his way across the sandy shores of Karamja island as the steam
ship's anchor was dropped. The eight of us stood near the foot of the volcano as
the screeches of wild animals was heard all throughout.
"Well, best of luck everyone!" said Tenshi as she smiled and waved.
"Wait!!" shouted Finway. "Shouldn't we pick teams?"
"Do we really need to?" I replied in hesitation. "I mean... I don't really see a
point to this-"
"I pick Tenshi-chan!" shouted Finway.
"Um, fine." I said. "Ayumi."
"Lord Exploz!"
"Isaac."
"Kittyphantom!"
"I guess we'll take Ned?" I continued. "But... this is exactly the way it was be
fore."

"Hmm, you're right." said Finway as he scratched his chin. "I know!" He walked o
ver and placed his arms around Tenshi and Ayumi's shoulders. "The three of us ca
n be in one group, and the rest of you in the others!" He then whispered, "Don't
worry ladies, I'll protect you".
"I think the only thing we'll need protecting from is you." replied Ayumi as she
walked away. Tenshi giggled, and ran after her as well.
"Tough luck, mate." said Lord Exploz as he patted Finway on the back, disappoint
edly.
"Arg! Would you get on with it already?" yelled Ned impatiently. "We're wastin'
time here! Look, there's only one fair way to do this, and that's to draw straws
."
"Fine." said the group as each person reached into the cup and drew out a piece
of straw.
--"WHY?!?11" cried Finway as Isaac, Kittyphatom, and Ned dragged him away. "This i
sn't fair!!!"
"Well then." said Ayumi as she picked up her bag. "Let's get going."
"Are you sure that this is the best way to decide teams?" I whispered to Ayumi.
"I'm kinda worried about Isaac. He might get eaten by monsters or something."
"Oh, don't worry." replied Tenshi as she smiled. "I'm sorry, I just overheard. B
ut worry not, I am certain that Sir Finway and KittyPhantom will take care of yo
ur friend."
"Everyone get down!!" exclaimed Lord Exploz.
Whoosh! A banana suddenly shot past us as the bushes rustled and shook.
"You suck!" shouted a screechy voice behind the trees. "The corns on my grandma'
s toes have better aim than that, you imbecile!"
Whoosh! Another banana flew from the dense jungles as Tenshi easily dodged it.
"What am I paying you for?" the voice screeched again. "Moron! If lousy aim-ness
were a brick, then you'd be the Great Wall of Castle Wars, now do it right!"
Whoosh! A third banana shot across the trail as it hit Lord Exploz square in the
jaw, knocking him out.
"Well done, sergeant!" shouted the voice. "Here, have a banana."
"What are you guys doing?" asked Ayumi angrily as she picked up the bush, reveal
ing a squad of monkeys wearing ninja suits.
"Oh no!" screeched the leader as he covered up his mustache. "Everyone play dead
!"
Plop. Twenty something monkeys suddenly dropped from the trees and fell over, as
the leader grasped his throat and hit the ground.
"Aww, they're so adorable!" gasped Tenshi.

"Yeah... and annoying too." replied Lord Exploz as he lifted his shoe out of a p
ile of monkey poo.
"Whatever." said Ayumi. "If they're supposed to be 'dead', then why are they sno
ring?"
The leader suddenly sat up and began shouting. "Quit your snoring, private! Do y
ou want to give away our position! Now drop and give me fifty!"
"But, sir." replied the monkey as he sat up as well. "Haven't they already seen
us?"
"Oh." the leader suddenly realized as he ripped off his mustache and stuck it on
a nearby monkey's head. "You'll never catch me alive now! Mhahahhahaha!"
"Um... sure." Ayumi began walking away. "Yeah... we'll be leaving now."
"Wait! Wait!" exclaimed the monkey as he flipped into the air. "You saw nothing!
Ninja Monkey Squad, retreat!"
Poof! The monkey suddenly threw a little packet wrapped with leafs as the ground
covered up in smoke. The four of us covered our mouths as the foul fume engulfe
d the entire forest.
"Man!" yelled Lord Exploz angrily. "Wait till I get my hands on those stupid fur
ry"Look!" shouted Tenshi as she pointed towards the shadows in the smoke.
"Aww, crap!" yelled one of the ninja monkeys. "We were supposed to disappear! Or
least that's how it worked in those magic box shows!"
"Yeah, what a bunch of cheap gadgets!" replied another one. "Let's try that agai
n"No!" yelled Ayumi as she snatched the smoke bomb from the monkey's hand. "Um...
you're right, we didn't see anything... right, guys?"
"See what?" Tenshi responded with a laugh.
"Hooray, we're invisible!" cheered the leader. "Alright, men. This deserves a ce
lebration! Bring on the beer!"
"Ugh..." whispered Ayumi as the four of us slowly moved away from the dancing mo
nkeys. "I just hope the other guys are having more luck than we are."
Part 34
The humid summer heat took its toll upon our group as the sixteenth dawn slowly
approached since we set off from the ship. The snakes, mosquitoes, and talking m
onkeys ravaged our supplies, soon leaving us with nothing more than a day's wort
h of rations. We have to be there soon... it's been more than two weeks... bathr
oom...
"Spirit, are you mumbling to yourself again?" shouted Ayumi from the other side
of the shrubs. "It's only been two hours, are you complaining already?"
"Uh...no." I replied. "I was just asking for directions from this rock here. It
says there's a burger stand on top of the mountain, all we have to do is jump in
the lava and we'll get free food!"

"Oh, dear." said Tenshi as she smiled. "I think Spirit-san is getting slightly d
elusional. Let us all take a break and enjoy some freshly baked cookies!"
The four of us found a clearing in the dense jungle, and sat around a picnic bla
nket as Tenshi took out a plate of cookies and passed it around. Ayumi and Lord
Exploz excitedly reached out as they placed a couple in their mouths, munching h
appily.
"Thanks!" said Lord Exploz as he crunched on a second one. "These are great!! Wo
w, I'm so hungry right now!"
"Cookeh for meh?" shouted a voice as the four of us were suddenly startled.
"Who's there?!" cried out Ayumi as she picked up a rock.
"I smell gOodest cookEhs plZe giV soMe!" replied the voice with an incoherent sl
ur.
"Oh my!" gasped Tenshi as a gigantic moss titan walked sluggishly out of the woo
ds. The giant was green with leafs and hair covered all over his body. A giant w
ooden club followed right after, as the prehistoric looking giant grunted stupid
ly. His huge fingers reached over and picked up a cookie, then shoving it up its
own nose.
"AhhHh!" screamed the moss giant frantically. "Why nO i cAnt eaT thro0O noSe? Ee
T! BaAd noSe!! Bo0M not happY!!"
"Uh... maybe you should try eating it with your mouth instead?" said Ayumi sarca
stically.
The moss giant blinked, took the cookie out of his nose while green goop dripped
out, causing the group to groan with disgust. He then sniffed the tainted cooki
e, while drool rolled out of his mouth.
Crunch!
"I caN tAstE CooKeh!" The green giant jumped back and down in joy. "woW1! Bo0m l
iKe YoO pePoL! PleEs b fReNdz!"
"I'd love to." replied Tenshi. "But you see, we are on a quest to slay the infam
ous Crandor Isle dragon, known as Elvarg, so perhaps we cannot stay with you for
long"DatS' okAy!" the moss giant smiled as he wrapped a fuzzy green cape around Lord
Exploz's shoulders. "I r naMe b0OM! meE giv preSnt! We iS fReNdz!"
"Ooh, a green cape!" said Tenshi curiously as she touched the furry cloak. "Wow!
It's so warm and soft! Please, do tell, of what fabric is this beautiful piece
of work made from?"
Boom began to drool. The four of us waited for a reply as the moss giant sat dow
n and began sucking on a giant boulder. Seconds past by, then minutes. Birds beg
an landing on the giant as well, resting and pecking at the bugs in his hair.
"I thinking his brain fell asleep." I whispered to Ayumi.
"Oh! huH?" Boom shouted suddenly. "I nO usE aNy faBriK! tHis caMe froM my haRy b
aK!11"

"What?!?" exclaimed Lord Exploz as he suddenly tossed it into a nearby pond. The
green cape began to sink, turning the water green and putrid. We all stopped an
d stared at the small lagoon as it bubbled. Fish began floating to the surface,
stomach up.
"He's worse than Isaac." said Ayumi as she began walking towards the summit of t
he volcano. "Come on, we've wasted enough time already. Might as well get to the
top of the mountain before sundown."
"Right." replied Tenshi as she picked up the picnic blanket and followed. I ran
after the two of them, while Boom continuously chased after Lord Exploz, holding
out a clusters of bananas and a rock.
The five of us treaded through the dense jungles of Crandole Isle as me moved cl
oser and closer to the top of the mountain. It was now noon, and the scorching h
eat of the flaring sun made the forest seem even more difficult to navigate thro
ugh.
--"AgwO0ooOooOoooo0Oo0O0oooOoo!!" The moss giant suddenly hollered out in a random
fashion.
"What's wrong now?" asked Ayumi sarcastically. "Did someone have an accident?"
"dUh nO i alReadY wEnt!" replied Boom happily. He then pointed towards a coconut
on a nearby tree and screeched. "hEy guyS helP my fAce stUcked!"
"What do you mean your face is stuck?" I asked the giant. "That's just a... coco
nut."
"NoO!" Boom argued back in a childish manner. "dAt cOcOnaH stOled mY faCe!111"
"Hehe. It does sort of look like you." said Ayumi angrily. "Now come on, if we h
ave to stop every five minutes to listen about how you tied your shoe, we'll be
here all day! Honestly, go do something useful, like go jump off a cliff or some
thing, yeesh!"
"Huh..?" Tenshi suddenly turned and drew her mithril blade. "We're being followe
d, everyone be careful!"
Whoosh! The ground suddenly lit up in a bright purple flash as flames shot out e
verywhere, burning down six nearby trees.
"Ooh prEtty fiRe!!" clapped Boom happily.
"No, don't eat the fire!" shouted Lord Exploz as he picked up his maple longbow
and prepared an arrow. "Zamorakians, show yourselves!!!"
Slash! A crimson red blade suddenly flew out of nowhere as it barely missed Tens
hi in the arm. As if the sword had a mind of its own, it disappeared into the tr
ees and flew towards us again.
"cHeEseCaKe!" yelled the moss giant excitedly as he picked up a nearby rock and
began sucking on it.
"Where is it coming from?" cried Tenshi as she ducked for cover, under a broken
down wagon.
"Who cares?" replied Ayumi as she took out an air rune and a chaos. "Zypharious

Seralius!!"
WHOOSH! A bolt of wind shot from Ayumi's hand as it ripped through the trees, cu
tting a hole in everything in its path.
"I think you got him!" shouted Lord Exploz as he took out a handful of mithril a
rrows and aimed towards the trees. "But just to be safe... Volleyshot!"
Tak Tak Tak Tak Tak Tak.
"I might as well help out too!" said Tenshi as she took out a water staff and so
me chaos runes. "Aquatus Seralius!"
An orb of water flew from Tenshi's palm into the trees, ricocheting off everythi
ng nearby with high pressure as more leafs fell to the ground.
"Nothing could have survived that..." said Lord Exploz as he breathed heavily, s
till with a tensed expression on his face.
"You're probably right." replied Ayumi. "Let's go. If the minions of Zamorak are
here, then there must be something valuable and powerful on the island. But why
did they attack us?"
"I'm not finished with you yet." said a sullen voice as purple bolts of fire fle
w out of nowhere, knocking down every single one of us.
"OW!" I yelled out in pain, reaching over and grabbing onto my arm where I was h
it. The fire didn't just burn. There was something dark and evil about it that j
ust wasn't right...
"That's it?" said the voice once more as it taunted us. A set of footsteps slowl
y approached us as a demonic warrior in full red armor walked out. His presence
was like Zamorak himself, most evil and powerful than anything I've ever seen. A
painful looking scar covered his right eye as a headband covered another scar o
n his face along with his dark-red spiky hair. A devilish grin, along with a blo
od-red looking sword sent chills down our spine.
"Who the hell are you?" asked Ayumi as she clenched her fist.
"Ah, yes." replied the warrior as he laughed. "It would be good for you to know
the name of your... executioner. My name is Iban, and I am here to unleash hell
upon this world, once more."
Part 35
"So which one of you wants to die first?" said Iban menacingly as he swung his b
lade at us, his eyes glowing red with fire. "Or shall I kill all of you at once?
"
"Not on my watch!!!" yelled Isaac as he suddenly jumped off from a nearby cliff
and slashed Iban in the back. "Nobody hurts my friends while I'm here... Ooh! Wh
at kind of armor is that? I'll give you ten coins for it!!1"
"Well! I was wondering if someone would have noticed!" replied Iban enthusiastic
ally. "You see, this is no regular armor, forged not of any metal found on this
realm. This is a genuine crimson full plate, handcrafted by a thousand demons, s
tained by the blood of a hundred dragons. The leg armor is made of same material
, they're even stronger than the toughest of the runite plates."
"What about the sword?" asked Finway as he made his way through the trees.

"Ah, yes. My indestructible armor is nowhere complete without the dragon's blade
itself." gloated Iban proudly as he swung the red sword at Finway, breaking the
warrior's scimitar in half. "Legends say that this sword is capable of striking
granite in half with one swing. Now of course, I wouldn't exactly doubt that si
nce after all, our weapons are of much higher quality than your average human/dw
arf/gnome weaponry. But, I do admit, if I had the entire set of this wonderful a
rmor, I would be able to annihilate an entire city within hours, all by myself.
Ah, yes, that would be grand."
"He sure talks a lot, doesn't he?" whispered Ayumi as she start to sneak behind
Iban, reaching for the sword.
"So tell me, my good sir." said Kittyphantom as he fell from a tree. "Doth thou
know the whereabouts of the other pieces?"
"Wha..?" responded Iban with a confusing look as he scratched his head. "Man, yo
u people talk funny, with the O' glory-O's and praise Saradomin crap. Well, anyw
ay, I think the half shield of legends is located in a guild somewhere. My dad t
hought it was a chair and sat on it when I was little, breaking it into two. I'v
e got no idea where the other piece is at, but I do know that the half helm is b
eing kept by a thirty-eight year old bald monk, living somewhere in his mother's
basement... I am boring you?"
"Oh no, not that all." smiled Tenshi as she suddenly sat up, rubbing her eyes an
d covering a yawn. "Please, do continue."
"Wait a minute..." said Iban suspiciously. "I see what you're doing! You're wast
ing my time so that you think I'll forget and spare you! I'm on to you!"
"No you're not!!1" yelled Isaac in a high pitched voice as he snatched the weapo
n away from Iban, tossing it towards Lord Exploz.
"Catch!" shouted Isaac as he ran away screaming.
"Uh... Hey Spirit..." said Lord Exploz as his knees began to shake. "You know th
at one time the other day, um... wait, that was five minutes ago. Anyhow, when I
accidentally dropped your sword in monkeypoop. Well, here's to make up for it!"
I now had the legendary sword of dragons in my hand, with the spawn of demons, I
ban standing in front of me, cracking his knuckles and clenching his fists. I lo
oked around, everyone expect Kittyphantom all hid behind trees and shrubs, as th
e evil warrior slowly approached.
"So, sticking by me, eh?" my voice began to shake as Iban stepped closer and clo
ser. "Come on, let's show these cowards how it's really done!"
"No." replied Kittyphantom with a gulp as his face turned deathly pale. "My legs
fell asleep."
"Gotta think of something!!" I thought to myself. "Okay, maybe that was a bit to
o loud. But... got it!" I quickly reached into my bag pack, scrimmaging through
the horrible mess that resided within. "Wow, I should really clean it out someti
mes! I don't remember putting this mushroom looking thing in there..." Aha! Out
of all the mess, came a freshly baked apple pie that was in all its pie-ness glo
ry. Perfectly shaped with a beautiful golden crust and pie shell, the delicious
smell seeping through the layers of soft, chewy pastry.
"I smell pie, sir!" gasped a voice behind a nearby rock.

"Pipe down, sergeant!" replied a weird looking shrub. "You're gonna get us all c
aught!"
"Ha! A pie!!!" Iban roared with laughter as I held the pie on my hand, preparing
to toss it into his face. "A pie!! You'll never hurt me with a pie!! Mhahahahah
aha!!!"
"No, not pie." I grinned as I grabbed a holy symbol from Kittyphantom's neck. "H
oly pie."
"RAWR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Iban's eyes focused and widened as I let out a really, really loud yell and stuf
fed the silver necklace into the pastry. Okay, maybe the yell wasn't necessary,
but it sure made things more dramatic. And... it scared the monkey ninjas away t
oo.
Whoosh! The delicious apple pie, imbued with the holiness of Saradomin rushed to
wards Iban's face as he let out a groan in slow motion. Splat! The pie exploded
in his face, Iban suddenly held onto his head as white beams of light shot acros
s the dense forest. Red and black smoke began appearing as the pie burnt into th
e demon's skin and began purifying his evil being.
"AHH! NOOO! THE PAIN!!! MAKE IT STOP!!" roared Iban as he suffered from the pain
. Mmm... gooey. MY FACE!! IT HURTS! MAKE IT STOP YOU NOOBS!!!1"
"Look!" said Isaac as he pointed towards Iban, who now laid motionless on the gr
ound. "He's constipated, lol!"
"I won!" yelled Finway as he jumped out from under a rock. "Oh yeah! Who's da ma
n now! Go Finway! Go Finway! Go Fin-"
"Just joking guys!" Iban suddenly leaped up and laughed. "But thanks for the pie
!"
"Go... Fin...way..." cried Finway as he fainted and dropped to the ground.
"Guys!" I picked up the Banz0r Blade, preparing to swing it towards Iban in hope
s of slowing him down. "New plan, RUN!!!!!!!!!"
"Ahhh!!!!11" the group suddenly scattered in every direction as Iban chased afte
r us like a madman.
"hEy eveRyOne wUt i miSs?" Boom suddenly ran out from behind the trees, holding
an armful of coconuts. "loOk! tHey mY brOtHers!"
"That's nice!" shouted Ayumi as she leaped over several wines, leading Tenshi ac
ross the trees as purple flames began shooting from the ground. "Now come on! I
see a crevice up- Ack!"
"Ayumi!" yelled Finway as he turned around suddenly.
Part 35.5
"I can't hang on any longer!" shouted Ayumi as her hand began to slip from the e
dge of the rocky crevice.
"Don't let go, I'm coming!" said Lord Exploz as he dropped his bow and ran towar
ds her. Iban suddenly noticed as a grin appeared on his face.
"Fools! You shall now all burn in oblivion!!" Iban raised his arms and laughed.

The ground suddenly shook violently as jets of purple flame shot from under the
ground, burning everything in its path. Lava begin spurting out from the nearby
rocks, as smoke and ashes filled the sky. The ground became soft as I took a ste
p back, picking up the Banz0r blade in the process.
Crack.
"Ahhh!1" cried Isaac as he fell through a nearby patch of dirt. The earth crumbl
ed and shook as the entire mountaintop fell into a thousand pieces. An undergrou
nd dungeon, full of demons, undead skeletons and deadly red spiders was revealed
.
"Crandor Isle dungeon! Ned gasped as he managed to stand up from under the rubbl
e. "And look! Thar' she is! Prepare yerselfs matey! It be Elvarg of dragons!"
I turned around and saw the most magnificent green creature that ever roamed the
world. Within four tall pillars that stood shattered and aged, a mighty beast s
at on the ancient marble floors. Her eyes glowed like two rubies rested upon a h
ead covered with silk-green skin. Her fangs and sharp claws blended in with the
rest of this creature, as if they were made of ivory and tough as steel. Two gig
antic wings covered the back of the dragon, along with a thick, sturdy tail that
brushed along the wind. She seemed to have suddenly noticed us, and gracefully
lifted off the air as it flapped its wings, while sending a roar so elegant and
yet strong; that it pierced the heavens.
"Is everyone alright?" shouted Finway as he slowly pushed open a broken metal ga
te, moving towards the rest of the group. "Oh my god..."
"Well, well. If it isn't Guthix's old house pet." sneered Iban as he walked towa
rds the dragon, taking his sword from the unconscious Isaac and pointing it towa
rds the dragon. "It's been a long time, guardian of Isafdar!"
Elvarg seemed to have recognized Iban, and let out a snort angrily as puffs of s
moke filled the air.
"Let's see how weak four centuries have really made you!" laughed Iban as he cha
rged towards the dragon, jumping into the air and slashing at her with his sharp
blade. Elvarg began to retaliate as she raised her claws and attempted to fight
back. Slash, whoosh, clank!
"What's the matter, is old age getting to you?" taunted Iban as he thrusted his
sword into her left wing, causing her to cry out in pain.
"Oh no!" shouted Ned as he suddenly realized something. He immediately dove into
the piles of dead body, going into a frenzy in search of something.
"Ooh! Fr33 st0f pls!" exclaimed Isaac as he picked up a charred warrior helmet.
It looks like it was custom made for a dwarven axeman, for the helmet was almost
triangular shaped from the front, instead of round. He then grabbed a dark cloa
k from another nearby fallen warrior, and wrapped it around his neck.
"Watch out!" shouted Ned as he threw an orange plastic shield towards us. "Hurry
! Use the shieldWHOOSH! A giant fireball flew across the room as it blew Isaac into the air. A p
ainful yell was heard as Isaac fell into the ground, dropping like a meteor into
a nearby piles of rubble.
"Are you alright?" I rushed over to my friend. Isaac slowly opened his eyes from
under the visor with three thin slits. His arm shaking as he used the last of h

is remaining strength. "It's alright. Don't try to talk..."

"No, I've got something important to tell you..." Isaac coughed as his breathing
became heavier. "Spirit..."
"Dude, you can't die now!" my voice echoed throughout the entire room. "Not afte
r all the adventures that we've had! Me, you, Ayumi, the three of us, questing a
round the world! You can't die now! We haven't slain the dragon yet! What about
all the money that we're going to get? What about your dream of buying the varro
ck castle and turning it into a monkey zoo?!?"
"Spirit..." said Isaac in a dark, deep voice. "I... I am your father! Mhahahahah
ahaha!!!"
"Wha..?" my mind suddenly snapped, upon hearing my friend's cruel joke.
"Lolololololololololol!!111" Isaac roared with laughter as he sat up, holding hi
s stomach and crying with laughter. "Pwnt!!! Aww man! You shoula seen your face
rofl!! No, please, oh no, dear me, don't die! Lol!"
"If you idiots are done having a stupidity attack, maybe you'd like to help me s
lay the dragon!" said Ayumi as she suddenly made her way through the piles of br
oken pillars. "Now come on, we didn't come all the way here for nothing, let's k
ick some dragonPart 36
"This better work!" shouted Ayumi as she covered her ears, preparing for the sou
nd of the upcoming blast. The Crandor Isle dungeon shook and rumbled as Iban and
Elvarg continued in their blood fest, ripping at each other, tearing and hackin
g away in their fight to the death. A cannon was loaded upon a broken pillar, as
helmets, armor plates, giant rocks, and whatever else we could find were shelle
d into the barrel. Lord Exploz clenched his teeth as he concentrated and gripped
onto the rusty, iron wheels of the ancient cannon.
"Why, the bloody contraption still works! This ain't no Dwarven multi-cannon, bu
t it ain't half bad!" exclaimed the archer as he began cranking the rusted down
handles of the weapon. "Well, I take it that it be one o' the older models, but
it'll still 'splode faces as good as the newer ones! Here goes nothingTHUD!!!
With an earthshaking crash, the Crandor Isle dragon was rammed through three lay
ers of walls, as Iban stood and laughed. The pillars began crashing down and pum
meled the fallen beast, causing her to roar with even more pain.
"The mighty guardian has fallen." laughed Iban as he walked over to a nearby gat
e, ripping it open with his bare hands, finding an old treasure chest that was b
uried in a mountain of coinage and gold.
Wham!
The treasure chest snapped open as Iban gave it a violent kick. A flash of gold
light spread throughout the entire room as the demon grinned sinisterly. He reac
hed it, satisfied with what he found, and took out a glowing artifact of light,
and ultimate power.
"Looks like my work here is finished." he said contently while placing what seem
s to be a golden coffee cup into his pockets. "It would bring me even more satis
faction and joy to kill all of you after all the trouble that you caused me. But
... I suppose your dying screams would sound much more grand if... well, let's j

ust say that we'll meet again soon."

POOF!
Within an instant, Iban vanished along with a burning field of purple flames and
smoke. His laugh continued to echo throughout the dungeon, as Elvarg slowly cri
nged in pain, defeated and on the edge of death. The Crandor Isle dungeon, now b
attered and in ruins, shook as the walls continued to crumble. The eight of us,
disappointed and defeated, picked up our supplies as we started our long trip ba
ck to the ship. But all of a sudden, the ground lit up in a brilliant flash of p
urple as flames rose once more.
"You think he dropped his wallet?" said Isaac surprisingly.
"Oh wait." the dark warrior suddenly reappeared. "I came back to tell you guys s
omething very important. Ah, yes... YOU ALL SUCK! HEY LOOK AT ME! IM A STUPID NO
OOBLET AND I CANT AIM WORTH A SQUAT! NYAH, WHAT A BUNCH O LOOOOSERS!!!"
"Man, I'm so sick of that person." cursed Ayumi angrily as she picked up a potat
o and hurled it at Iban with all of her strength.
"HEY LOOK AT ME GUYS!!" Iban continued to shout, not bothering to notice anythin
g while he gloated and taunted us. "IM STUPID JUST LIKE YOU!! LOL! IF I WERE ANY
DUMBER, I'D BE DUMBERER- Ow! Hey! How dare you guyf hit me in my toof!"
Poof. And he vanished again, this time for good.
"How disappointing." said Tenshi sadly as she kicked a rock.
"Wait a minute, you guys!" I said suddenly as an idea popped into my head. "The
dragon's corpse is still back there, right? If we collect the bones and hide, we
can still say that we killed the dragon and collect the reward!"
"Dude!1" exclaimed Isaac as he shouted excitedly. "You're a genius!"
Ayumi and I looked at each other as the entire crew ran back towards the dungeon
in a stampede of knifes of axes. The group quickly swarmed the dead dragon like
ants surrounding the corpse of an insect, and snickered greedily as we prepared
to cut the beast.
"Wait!" Kittyphantom shouted suddenly as he stopped Finway from making the first
move. "Look at us! What have we been reduced to? Scavenging the corpse of a onc
e mighty dragon! For what, may I ask? A few hundred thousand coins? We're better
than this! We were sent here on a mission to slay the dragon, if we go back lik
e this, our conscience will haunt us for the rest of our lives, knowing that we
were not the ones who completed this task! Let us do the right thing, and give t
his magnificent creation of Saradomin, a proper burial so that it may live on in
the hearts of people forever."
Everyone then stopped, and looked at the ground in shame and pondered at what ou
r companion had just revealed to us. Well, for a few seconds at least.
"So... who wants the head as a trophy?" said Ned excitedly as he took out a silv
er, magical looking short blade and tapped the dragon's horns slowly.
Whoosh!
The sword began flashing in a radiant silver light, as the dragon's pulse grew s
tronger after each and every beat. Horrified by this unexpected event, the old s
ailor slowly took a step back and clenched his heart, having some kind of a seiz

ure or something out of pure shock and fear. Elvarg slowly moved her claws, and
flapped her wings as well. She seemed to be growing stronger by every second alo
ng with the silver light of the magical blade.
"Hey Ned..." asked Finway slowly. "Where did you get that fancy looking knife an
yway?"
"Oh, that old thing?" said Ned as he suddenly sat up from the seizure. "Hmm, I t
hink I might have picked it up from a general store somewhere. This is supposed
to be a replica of the same sword that killed Delrith a couple o' decades back.
Now what was the name of it again? Uh... silverbite? Silverite? Silvermight?"
"Silverlight!" gasped Ayumi as a silver beam of light shot out from the sword, e
ngulfing Elvarg within. A gust of wind, then a light breeze blew across the dung
eon field, as the great dragon began to hover. Whoosh! Wisps of air began flowin
g out from her eyes and mouth as it rushed past every one of us. But... the stra
nge pastel green colored wind didn't hurt us at all, it felt... gentle and kind.
"Omg Elvarg is mutating!!1" cried out Isaac as he jumped into the pool of lava,
then jumping out and screaming in pain, then finally deciding to hide behind Ayu
mi.
"Stop being such a pain in the neck, you moron!" growled Ayumi as she slapped Is
aac on the back of the head. She then hesitated a bit, and looked at the flashin
g lights with curiosity. "Elvarg isn't mutating, she's... hmm, maybe you're actu
ally right, for once."
"Hurry..." the dragon let out a high pitched screech, resembling somewhat like h
uman speech. "You... must... get..."
"Pie?" I smiled and took out a freshly baked apple pie, took a nice long whiff o
f it, and crunched on its gooey goodness.
"No..." Elvarg's voice became more and more human like with every word she attem
pted to sound out. "Get... out... before... its... too..."
"Aha!" gasped Tenshi as she smiled. "Sir Finway, please make a fire with your ti
nderbox and wash your steel shield! I shall bake our new friend a cheesecake!"
"Oh no! The dragon had some bad eggs!!" exclaimed Isaac suddenly as he ran for d
ear life. "Every man for himself!!11"
BOOM!!
With a loud, thunderous explosion, the dragon exploded like a pinata into a mass
of leafs, twigs, and vines. A bright emerald light shined brilliantly as an ang
el like being hovered above the ground, spreading her wings and taking flight in
to the beautiful night sky.
"Oooh! Ahhh!" the entire group gasped in wonder like monkeys.
"Thank you for freeing me, brave adventurers." said the angelic being as she fle
w above into the clouds. "My name is Sophia, I have been cursed with this horrib
le beastly body for the last seven hundred years, testing the skill of adventure
rs for centuries, hoping that one day a warrior strong enough will be able to se
t me free. Along with protecting the treasures of Crandor Isle, I was also the a
ssigned guardian of the legendary java cup, but it would seem that I have failed
."
"Treasure?" replied Isaac angrily as he kicked an old wooden chest into the lava

. "You mean this box of old junk? There was nothing in there expect for a couple
of ugly looking masks, an easter egg, a pumpkin, a Santa Claus hat, a plastic s
cythe, and some paper hats with the word 'party' written on it. Man, whose so ca
lled treasure was that? King Hobo of poor people-ville?"
"Wow, that is junk!" I agreed, picking up a still usable piece of studded leathe
r chaps from the pile of rusty armor. "Now this is some good stuff! We could get
at least a hundred coins for this!"
"What did you say was in that box?" Ayumi slowly turned to Isaac, cracking her k
nuckles while looking at him furiously.
"Those would have made us millions!" roared Ned as he tackled Isaac into the gro
und, punching him with the fury of a gnome ball linebacker. "Why?!!1111oneoneshi
ftoneoneelventyseven?!/1!!!!?!?!!?1"
"Please listen! For I have important things to tell you before I-" the emerald a
ngel pleaded for our attention. "You must listen to me! The spell that keeps me
who I am will wear off soon! All my memories and knowledge! The world is in dang
er-"
She suddenly fainted and dove straight into the ground, falling head first into
the pile of rubble while Isaac, Finway, Lord Exploz, and Ned continued to brawl
and kick other in the shins. A thin, black cat, wearing a metal tag with the wor
d "Jagex" suddenly appeared out of thin air, as the orange colored kitten jumped
out of KittyPhantom's backpack and chased after the black cat. An old hobo shoe
fell from the ceiling, knocking Tenshi out by hitting her smack on the head, as
Ayumi rushed over to her and began tending her wounds.
"Hey, guys?" I stepped into the middle of the brawl and attempted to break it up
. "I think you should really take a look at this..."
"Whoa! Who's the weird green haired chick?!?" Isaac's jaw suddenly dropped as al
l the guys turned to the corner, where Elvarg/the mystical being fell. A young g
irl wearing a long, green silk dress walked out from the ruins, as she stretched
out her arms, revealing her long beautiful jade colored hair and pointy ears. A
pointy staff of some sort was tucked away at her waist, as well as a crystal-li
ke longbow that was worn over her shoulder. Her eyes sparked in a flash of sapph
ires as her voice rang throughout the room like a melody played from a harp. Cap
tivating and yet gentle, like the- What am I saying?!?
"Pleased to make acquaintance, friends." the elven girl bowed slightly and smile
d. "My name is Sophia, may I offer you a tomato?"
Part 37
"Lady Sophia!" gasped Finway as he knelt down on one knee, taking the elven girl
's hand and kissing it gently. "Art thou from heaven? For I have never seen a mo
re radiant beauty in all of Asgarnia!"
"Please, m'lady!" said Lord Exploz as he bowed slightly and approached Sophia. "
Is there a gnome glider nearby, or is that the sound of my heart taking off?"
"Well shucks!" laughed Ned as he took off his hat. "I haven't seen a beaut' like
you since the great cabbage inflation over fifty years ago! Ain't you a preety
one?"
"omg liek ur hawt!!111" exclaimed Isaac loudly in a stupid matter. "will u pls m
arry me pls pls pls???????/1111"
"Well, isn't he a romantic." Ayumi snickered sarcastically. "Come on now. You id

iots act like you've never seen a girl before in your life. Let's head back to t
he ship and get some rest, I'm exhausted."
The four guys growled angrily at each other as tension flared up within the grou
p. Sophia, being completely oblivious to the entire situation, took out a pineap
ple from seemingly nowhere and began sucking on it.
"Look." Ayumi suddenly pointed towards the horizon. The sun was slowly rising as
the skies began glowing in a flash of crimson and golden light. "It's already b
een hours since Iban took the java cup, who knows what kind of damage he has alr
eady unleashed upon this world? Ugh... I have a bad feeling about thisMunch. Munch.
"Okay, now that's just annoying." growled Ayumi angrily. "Stop pigging out on th
ose pies, you knucklehead! We need to ration our food incase the trip back to Po
rt Sarim gets delayed."
"What are you talking about?" yelled Isaac in response. "I'm not eating any pies
!"
"Ugh, not you!" sighed Ayumi disappointedly. "Spirit! Yeesh, you think after all
this time we'd know who was the pie addict around here."
"Oh. I knew that." Isaac stepped back, feeling embarrassed. "Yeah, you knucklehe
ad, gimme a piece!"
"Huh?" I shoved the last bit of my apple pie into my mouth, swallowing its flaky
deliciousness as my tummy was filled. Everyone immediately turned around and st
ared at me angrily as growling stomachs were heard all throughout the dungeon. E
veryone except Sophia, who was munching on a piece of rock happily.
The trip back to the ship was unpleasantly long and grueling. With the last bits
of food eaten, our horrible preparations have left us all starved and in low sp
irit. The dense morning jungles and its inhabitants looking for breakfast didn't
seem to help much either.
"Look!" shouted Finway as he pointed towards a watermelon on a pile of leafs, si
tting under a tall banana tree. "We're saved! Food!!1"
"Omg I saw it first!!!11" exclaimed Isaac as he ran towards it, holding out both
arms and opening his mouth wide like a fat, starved hippo chasing imps.
Thud!
The pile of leafs suddenly scattered as Isaac fell into a deep ditch, along with
the watermelon, making a loud splatz0rs-ow-my-face sound as they landed. Isaac
moaned in pain as three monkey ninjas suddenly slid down from the treetops on ro
pes, stopping to observe their catch.
"Ow, drat!" said one of the ninjas. "It's those humans again. Darn, for a second
there I thought we had captured a giant muffin or something."
"Report, sergeant!" shouted another monkey. "Which one is it? I bet we can trade
them to the jungle natives for some cheese."
"The stupid one, sir." replied the first ninja disappointedly. "Shall I release
it or use it as tuna bait?"
"Aww, never mind then." exclaimed the monkey leader as he threw a smoke bomb on

the ground. "Troops, move out!"

Poof.
--Somewhere far, far, away. In another dimension of time and space where aliens ro
am freely and rip out people's heads and stick them on other people's bodies 'ca
use it's funny. Oh wait, never mind. The city of Varrock.
"Gah-bloo-bloo-bloosh-agaba-agaba-pftftftfbfbfbfbfbbbftft!!!1111" babbled a midd
le aged, fat man as he ran down the street, holding a beer mug in one hand and a
rubber chicken in the other.
"Mommy, mommy!" cried a little boy as he pointed towards the idiot. "Why is the
ugly man wearing a pink skirt and running around half naked?"
"Now, now, honey." replied a nearby lady as she tugged on the little boy's arm.
"That man isn't ugly, he's simply special. Besides, that's no way to talk about
our beloved king, he's drunk, all grown-ups get drunk like that. We should respe
ct drunk people, because without them, this world would be very boring."
"Okay mommy." nodded the little boy as he walked on happily. "Am I special like
that?"
--Hmm... that was awfully random. Ah yes, the deepest, darkest corners of oblivion
, where Zamorak and his family sat around a magic box, watching the Misthalin ni
ghtly news at 9.
"Ooh, ooh, my turn!" shouted Iban excitedly as Zamorak handed the java cup to hi
s son. The red haired warrior smiled wickedly as he let out an evil laugh. The l
egendary java cup began to glow in a brilliance of golden light, as it sent out
a waved of warped air traveling to the realms above. "Now then... who shall we c
ontrol next?"
--In another far, far away land, miles and miles hidden from civilization, a tall
looming citadel hovers over a dark stormy cloud. Two brothers sat in a living ro
om, eating kebabs and watching the same news program on the magic box as well.
"Hey, Andrew!" yelled a man as he stroked his sliver curly mustache. "Get over h
ere quick, they're gonna show the footage of thingummywuts mauling Vanaka at the
harvest festival parade!"
"Is that the one where he gets kicked in the-" replied another shorter man as he
ran towards the magic box, holding a giant bottle of Asgarnian Ale. His silver
glasses shined and sparkled in reflection against the rays of light emitting thr
ough the gap of the dark clouds. Perhaps they are not mortals.
"Yes!" shouted the first man impatiently. "Come on! You're going to miss the fun
niest part!"
"Alright, alright!" replied the brother. "Yeesh, Paul. Hold your horses. It's no
t like someone's gonna mess with the entire world and screw it up..."
Whoosh! The magic box suddenly shook and sputtered as the image slowly distorted
on the marble glass screen. The two brothers looked at each other with a shocki

ng expression as the mustached one attempted to fix the device by smacking it wi

th his shoe.
"We interrupt this new program to bring you a live update of the current situati
on." the image refocused itself, and a tall, muscular wizard stood within it, re
ading off a scroll of some sort. "This just in, cities all over the eastern side
of the world are being attacked by imps. It is estimated that over a hundred th
ousand imps have appeared and surfaced in the last dawn. Although small and usua
lly considered harmless, these pesky little creatures have caused over ten milli
on gold coins' worth of damage in the last few hours alone. On top of that, peop
le all over the world have been reportedly lynched and beaten in the face by the
se little creatures. One fat lady as thrown from the roof of the Lumbridge gener
al store, but luckily she only walked away with minor cuts. The man whom she fel
l on, the Duke of Lumbridge was much less fortunate, for he suffered a broken ja
w and will be eating through a straw for the next five weeks. Back to Lady Trish
a with the weather."
"Thank you, Sir Thomas." said a young brunette seer as she walked over to the ov
erworld map. "This is Trisha Aisengard reporting live from Seer's village. Tomor
row's temperature will be in the high eighties, along with a slight chance of ra
in in the Misthalin region. Citizens are advised to take covered under trees, br
oken wagons, houses, sheds, paper boxes, or anything that may even offer the sli
ghtest of protection. This is no normal rain. Thousands of potatoes have fallen
from the skies in the border kingdom of the northen Camelot region, causing heav
y damages to buildings, roofs, wagons, and people's faces. Hundreds of children
have been brought to the Saint Claris Saradomin monastery to receive healing for
their blackened eyes, broken noses and fat lips. This truly is a horrible sight
. Which leads us to wonder, who would be evil enough to disrupt the natural orde
r of our world? And who is stupid enough to look up when taters are pummeling ev
erything to oblivion. Back to you, Sir Thomas."
--"Spirit! Spirit, get over here quick!" shouted Ayumi as she pulled me towards an
antique magic box, set up under a waterfall where our group had camped. "Sophia
wasn't kidding. The world really is in danger, and I have an idea just who's be
hind this."
"Your grandma?" I asked hesitantly.
"No, you moron!" yelled Ayumi angrily. "Iban! They took the legendary Java cup a
nd now they're causing pandemonium all over the world with it! We have to do som
ething!"
"Hang on, what time is it?" I replied suddenly. "Isaac! Hurry and get the kebab
chip, GenieRob is going to be on in five minutes!"
"Saradomin's grace!" exclaimed KittyPhantom as he pointed towards the blurry scr
een. "Is that the king of Varrock wearing a pink skirt?"
Everyone turned and saw the old fat man, barging into the mage broadcast station
and punching out one staff crew after another. Along with him, is an army of br
own spotted cows, not the normal black and white ones, these are the ones that m
ake chocolate milk, well, not the pink ones either.
"Greetings, world!" shouted the king as he gave the peace sign. "Put your hands
in the air and raise the roof! Boom-boom-chk-ka-boom-boom-chk!"
"No, sire!" shouted Sir Thomas as he rushed towards the king in an attempt to st
op all of this. "You can't beat-box on national broadcast, wearing a pink skirt!

"
The king began to beatbox stupidly as his cow posse started to break dance on th
e stage, knocking over candles, transmission orbs, and broadcaster crews. Whoosh
! The recording stage suddenly caught on fire as pillar after pillar began to fa
ll from the ceiling. The king then laughed evily as he twirled and tap danced hi
s way out the entrance, punching out another man in the process.
"The world is doomed!!!1" exclaimed Isaac as he began running in circles. "We go
tta get back to the ship... oh no!"
Part 38
"Come on you guys!" shouted Ayumi as our group ran towards the base of the volca
no, panting and breathing heavily.
"Are you sure this is where we parked?" replied Finway as he ran after us. "I do
n't see our ship anywhere!"
"Look!" exclaimed Isaac suddenly as he pointed towards the horizon. "There's our
ship! Hey! Don't leave!!! Wait for me guys!! Spirit, Ayumi, come back!!1"
"Uh... Isaac?" I tapped him on the shoulder. "But we're standing right here."
"Well then stop the ship!" Isaac shouted back angrily. "Oh wait, that's not you
guys on the ship, lol."
The giant dwarven steamboat blew its whistle as it sailed further and further aw
ay into the morning sun. The engines roared as the ship suddenly picked up speed
, creating a giant wave of water that splashed the entire beach.
"Arg!" yelled Ned furiously. "I don't know which nincompoop is on my ship, but h
e better know well 'nough that the ship ain't gonna work well if he keeps pushin
g her engines."
"It's coming back towards us!" shouted Lord Exploz as he climbed onto a banana t
ree frantically.
"AHHHHH!!!!11" screamed Isaac as he cried like a little girl. "EVERYONE TAKE COV
ER!!!1"
BOOOM! With a loud explosion, the ship's hull rammed into the isle with full spe
ed, cutting the ground apart and sucking away all the sand under it. Ayumi clenc
hed her fist angrily as she took out an air rune and aimed at the ship.
"Zypharious-"
"Ahahahaha!!! No you don't!" shouted a loud voice as a shadow appeared on the st
arboard. The bright sunlight blinded our sight as the dark figure slowly approac
hed the railings on the ship. The creature then raised its short arms at if it c
ommanded an army. "Hello, humans! So we meet again!"
"It's you! Monkeys!" exclaimed Ayumi. "What do you want with our ship?"
"What does it look like we want?" yelled the monkey commander angrily.
"What?" replied Isaac stupidly.
The head monkey suddenly screeched as a dumbfounded expression appeared on its f
ace. A sweat drop appeared on his head as it slowly turned to his army.

"Psst." whispered the monkey. "What is it that we really want?"

"Lunch, sir!" a voice cried out from the troops.
"Underwear!" yelled out another. "Fruitcakes! Peanut butter! A screwdriver! Chee
sy sticks! Shoes! A fat kid! Some jelly beans! A sack of potatoes! Fake teeth!"
"I'll give you an apple pie for the ship?" I offered, hoping they would trade.
"OOOOOOOOH!" the monkeys marveled at the pie as I slowly raised it above my head
. "PIEEEEEEEE!"
"No! Spirit, wait." said Isaac as he took the pie from my hand and placed it on
the ground. "Let me handle this, I'm better at trading than you are. Okay, monke
ys. I will give you... one apple pie, plus..." He reached into his pockets. "A G
enieRob sticker, some old gum, a stick of butter, an old moldy cookie, and a pie
ce of cheese. In return, we want the keys to the ship pls."
The ninja monkeys looked at each other and nodded, giving Isaac a pair of silver
colored keys while taking the apple pie from the ground and fought over it.
"Aren't I brilliant, guys?" grinned Isaac as he twirled the keys on his finger.
POW!
"No, you're a retard." growled Ayumi as she punched Isaac in the face. "You trad
ed the stuff for the keys, not the ship itself. And now they're sailing away bec
ause you're so stupid."
"Oh yeah?" Isaac retaliated angrily. "Well, you're stupid too!!!1"
"Nice comeback!" gasped Finway as he whispered quietly.
"Hey, stupid people!" the monkey commander taunted us as the ship started to lea
ve shore. "We decided to give you a little present. Ten-hut! Move it, move it! C
ome on, you maggots!!!"
All the monkey ninjas were now lined up in a row as they faced our group. The le
ader grinned evilly as he let out a stupid laugh. "Artillery, fire!"
"Artillery?" Sophia suddenly walked over, looking completely oblivious. "Tell me
, friends. Why is mud raining from your skies? Is it perhaps mother nature is hu
ngry?"
Splat.
"Woot! Ha ha! I got some and you don't!" shouted Isaac happily. "Free chocolate!
I think..."
"That's not chocolate!" shouted Finway as he slapped Isaac's hand. "They're thro
wing poo at us! Ahhhhh!!11 Every man for himself!!!"
Splat. Splat. Splat. Ploosh. Ow! Ew...
"Ahhhh!" screamed Isaac as he ran for his life. Unfortunately, in a circle. "I'm
blind! I'm blind! I want my mommy!!!11"
Thousands and thousands of monkey poop... thingies rained from the skies like th
e rage of gods as they pummeled the beaches of Crandor Isle like meteors. I ran
as fast as I could, looking for cover until I tripped over a vine and hit my fac

e on a rock. By then I knew I was a goner.

--Over a thousand miles away, in the city of Varrock.
"Help me! I want my mommy!" cried a little girl as she held her doll in the midd
le of a burning town. The city was now in ruins as imps pillaged and mobbed ever
ything in the entire town. Houses and buildings crumbled and fell as the last st
anding magic boxes broadcasted the king in a disco frenzy.
"Pee-ka-boo!" laughed an imp devilishly as he snatched the doll away from the li
ttle girl. "Are you lost, little girl!!"
"Yes..." the child sniveled. "Please help me find my mommy?"
"Nyahahahahahhaha!" another imp roared with laughter as it pulled on the little
girl's hair, sticking a piece of gum into it. "Humans are soooo weak and fragile
! Ahahahahaha!"
"Please leave me alone!" cried the little girl. "You meanies..."
"Aww... are we a little crybaby?" taunted another imp as it ate the little girl'
s doll. "Guess what?"
"What?" replied the girl as she wiped up her tears.
"Nothing!" Whispered the imp as it once again burst into laugher. "Ahahaha! Huma
ns are such stupid, worthless, noO0oo0o0o0oObs!"
"What did you call me?" growled the little girl angrily as she put the imp into
a headlock.
"Gahhhh!" the little red creature gasped for air. "Stu... stupid? Wor... worthle
ss? Noo... noo... noobs?"
"RAWR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" roared the little girl as she leaped f
ifteen feet into the air and karate chopped the imp in the face. "Nobody calls m
e a noob! Hi-yah! I know kung-fu! Bring it on!"
A dozen imps suddenly appeared out of nowhere in a wave of smoke as they ran tow
ards the little girl and growled angrily like little midgets. One by one, they b
egan fist fighting.
"Wahhhhhh!" screamed the little girl as she high-kicked an imp below the belt. T
he imp suddenly let out a high pitched squeal as it exploded into a pile of ashe
s. "Who else wants some?"
"I found out their weakness!" shouted a mage as he peeked his head from the sewe
r entrance. "Everybody! The imps aren't invincible!"
"Gee, Sturm!" replied an archer as she galloped towards the street on a silver h
orse. "Whoever told you that those imps were invincible?"
"Oh dear!" said a familiar voice nervously as he put an iron helmet over his ugl
y fish face and ran. "Well, would you look at the time? Is that the teapot boili
ng? I gotta go but I'm keeping the ten thousand coins you suckers paid me hahaha
ha goodbye wow that was a mouthful!"
An angry neighborhood suddenly opened its doors and windows as peasants armed wi

th swords, axes, and broken pickaxe handles stormed into the streets and attacke
d the demon army.
"Everyone!" shouted Sturm as he stood up gallantly and waved his earth battlesta
ff. "Citizens of Varrock, to battle!!!"
"YEAH!!!!!"
--In the deep, dark caverns of the abyss. More and more imps gathered in an underg
round dungeon as the demonic legion prepared another assault on mankind.
"Oh no, father!" shouted Iban as he kicked the magic box. "The humans have found
a way to destroy our imps! We must do something, and quick!"
"Do not worry, my son!" laughed Zamorak as he swung his fist towards his army. "
We shall destroy them soon! And with the power of the legendary Java cup, victor
y is within our grasp! Now can I get a woot woot here?"
"Woot woot, my liege!" shouted the imps as wings sprouted from their backs. Thei
r claws and teeth grew sharp as their skin took on a purple-ish scaly like appea
rance. A third eye popped up on their foreheads as they growled and chanted "bla
hbooshkawoot" over and over again.
"Yes! Yes!" laughed Zamorak. "Not even Greyzag or what's his name of the wizard
tower could have ever created such a brilliant species of imps! I am truly brill
iant!!!"
"Now that's taken care of..." said Iban as Ayumi and Isaac appeared on the magic
box. "Let's send our little friends an assassin."
Part 39
Chaos and destruction fell upon the great city of Varrock as the imps continued
to rampage through the streets and houses. The citizens aimed and fired crossbow
s at the little demons, blasting each and every one of them into dust and oblivi
on as they roared with adrenaline. The streets of the once peaceful and bustling
metropolis was now turned into a battlefield as every man, woman, and noob figh
t for their beloved city.
"Sturm! Charles!" shouted a tall, burly man as he stood up from the trenches. "G
o to Lowe's archery store and get us ten thousand more bolts! We're running out
of ammo here! Kaoitik, Run down to the rune shop and fetch a few hundred chaos r
unes! You! Hey, stupid!"
"Huh?" said David as he slowly peeked his head from under a couple of wooden cra
tes, with pizza sauce all over his face and mouth. "You guys want some pizza?"
BOOM!
An explosion rocked the main street and palace road intersection as the windows
of the general store exploded. Glass shards and bronze trinkets scattered across
the open road, causing Sturm and Charles to turn around.
"do0ds fr33 st0f from the st0r!!!!1" shouted a noob wearing a rusty bronze med a
s he leaped out of the trenches and ran for the goods.
"More imps!" yelled Charles as he swung a rubber chicken left and right, smackin

g the imps to dust all around him. "There's too many of them- ack!"
A fat imp suddenly jumped out of nowhere and swallowed Charles' face, causing th
e unfortunate kid to scream and run around in circles.
"We're out of ammo!" shouted Thellissa as she drew her mithril knife.
"Same here!" responded the general store owner, taking off his shoes. "Come on!
Let's take out as many of these pesky things as we can! FOR VARROCK!!!"
"Rawr!!!1" The people flooded out of the trenches as every began removing their
own shoes and threw them at the imps. Smack! Pow! One by one, the red creatures
started disappearing as they fell to the ground with footprints on their faces.
"It's... it's working!!" cried Sturm as he threw his last shoe, accidentally hit
ting Thallissa in the face and knocking her out cold. "Oh, oops. But we're winni
ng!"
--As the flame of destruction burns through Varrock, a vast army of elite guardsme
n gathers at the high councilors' headquarters upon the dark citadel.
"Are they all here?" asked Andrew as he placed both hands upon a golden altar an
d broke the arcane seal guarding it. "Never thought we'd have to use these stave
s again. It's been what, six centuries since that crazy old man made a machine t
hat duplicated paper party hats?"
"Uh... no. Three years, actually." replied his brother as he picked up another s
taff.
"We're ready to start the attack!" shouted a high councilor as he ran into the a
ltar room. The man then bowed slightly, and gave the two mages a salute. "Your u
ber-l33tness, the army is gathered and awaiting orders.
"Mwahahahahaha!" laughed Andrew as he put on his golden cape. "Excellent."
"Move it, move it!" shouted a Jagex high councilor as he swung his golden sword
and directed a dozen of troops on the balcony of the dark citadel. On the castle
grounds, an army of elite guardsmen wearing silver crowns gathered and prepared
to fight.
"Why are we here?" whispered a thin guardsman to his friend. "The high council h
as never gathered us here before!"
"I'm not sure..." replied a nearby girl as she polished her rune blade. "Somethi
ng must be going wrong with the world. Maybe some crazy old mage invented a mach
ine and started duplicating paper party hats? Looks like we're about to find out
."
"Greetings, minions of Jagex." said the high councilor as he raised both of his
arms. A slight murmur arose from the crowd as the guardsmen started whispering i
n uncertainty.
"I said, greetings, minions of Jagex!!!" the high councilor shouted loudly with
an annoyed tone.
"Greetings, your excellency, all mighty-powerful, all knowing, almost-uber-l33t,
creator of tutorial island, councilor three, sir." uttered the crowd in a sarca
stic, monotonous voice.

"That's more like it." the man grinned. "Now then. You're probably wondering why
you're all gathered here today. Many of you may know, a very powerful relic kno
wn as the legendary Java cup was found by Iban, and now belongs in their positio
n- *Sigh* yes, you there with the ugly shirt."
A small, mouse like man cleared his throat as he adjusted his silver crown nervo
usly. "Who is Iban again?"
The crowd groaned in disgust and boredom as number three slapped his forehead an
d began explaining in disdain. "Iban is the son of Zamorak. Why don't you just p
ay the monthly tax and go live on the western side of the world, instead of aski
ng me every single time what an "a-bis-mal whip" is? Now then. Continuing on. Za
morak has figured out how to alter reality, and has been creating imps of variou
s types in order to create mass pandemonium in Varrock. We think that he might b
e able to make other various being as well, plus the fact that he has mind contr
olled the king of Varrock for the past three days. Oh, and he's planning on abol
ishing the anti-kill spellcode below the zero zone, south of the wilderness."
"do0dz 4ll h4il the gr8 z4m0r4k!! u roxx0rz my b0xx0rz! t3l3no0bz bw4re n0w!! pk
3rs 4 lyf!!11" a giant towering barbarian shouted out excitedly as he waved a gi
ant blood-red colored axe.
"Ugh." said the high councilor is disgust as he snapped his fingers. "Who brough
t his idiot in here? Kick him off the castle."
Within an instant, the warrior was booted off the castle where he fell a few hun
dred feet into absolute darkness.
"h3y wdf wuz th4t f0r???? u c4nt d0 dis t0 m3! i r lvl 325!!! i wi1 r3p0rt u 4ll
d3n u wil b3 b4nn3d!!!1 " the man cursed angrily as his voice slowly trailed of
f.
"Now then." number three continued on. "Without further interruption, I regret t
o inform you all that another sacred relic of power, known as the Apocalypse Cir
cle ring, has also fallen into the hands of Zamorak. The third relic, the Banz0r
Blade, a scripting sword originally used by our uber-l33tness himself, has disa
ppeared awhile back as well. The current whereabouts of the weapon is unknown, b
ut except it to be in the enemy's hands. We couldn't exactly remember what it do
es, but something about it needing to be recharged or something like that. It do
esn't matter, it's a piece of crap anyway- *sigh* what is it now?"
"I'm sorry to interrupt again, but can't we simply just go defeat Zamorak?" aske
d the mousy man.
"Ha! What a stupid question!!!" laughed number three mockingly. "Ahahahahaha! Ha
... ha... eh... uh... actually, I don't know the answer to that one. We think th
at Zamorak is planning to descend to this realm in approximately one day. With t
he power of those relics, the end of the world could be near."
"Let us destroy them!" shouted a guardsman as he drew his runite longsword.
"For glory, and honor!" yelled another one as she raised her spear.
"Well then, glad to see that you're all pumped up." the high councilor grinned.
"Now that everything's been said, any questions?"
The mousy man raised his hand once more.
"No? Excellent!" said number three as he raised his giant golden axe. "SILVER CR

OWNS, TO BATTLE!!! Arious Teleportous Varrakus!"

--Back on the Crandor Isle, Isaac, Finway, and Lord Exploz are still fighting over
the last of our food, water, and... Sophia's heart.
"That's my last piece of cheese!" yelled Isaac as he put Lord Exploz into a head
lock. "Give it now pls!!!"
"No way!" replied Finway as he snatched it from Lord Exploz's hands. "You've had
plenty, I believe that someone as beautiful and kind as Lady Sophia should have
it."
"Thanks!" smiled the elven girl serenely. "Now if only I had some watermelon to
go with it."
There was silence on the desolate island as everyone gawked at Sophia, watching
her eat the giant piece of cheese in one gulp.
"Hmm..." said KittyPhantom. "Has any of thou ever wondered our purpose in life?
Sometimes it makes me think that we only exist as a filler for a page in a book.
It really, makes me wonder."
Part 40
"Arious Teleportous Varrakus!"
A light blue spell circle appeared on the ground as Ayumi, Isaac, Sophia, and I
appeared on the burning streets of Varrock. The emerald haired girl slowly looke
d up as a solemn expression appeared on her face. The sky was filled with dark c
louds as a giant swirling vortex of crimson and black hovered above the city. Th
ousands of bats flew across the once pure and blue skies, while demons of every
shape and size marched in synch across the battered roads. Oh, and a giant purpl
e clown head appeared from the clouds and ate Reldo the librarian while screamin
g "Boogety boogety waka waka loo loo!"... yeah.
"We're too late..." Sophia sighed as she removed a sparkling violet necklace fro
m her head. She seemed to have remembered something. "The city... it's gone." Th
ere was a sudden pause in her voice as she suddenly realized something.
"Oh no-achooooo pblshshsh!!" said Sophia as she sneezed into Isaac's eye. She th
en pulled a fifteen-foot handkerchief from his ear, wiped her hands, and stuffed
it back in. "Sorry about that. Oh no! That was the last charge of my amulet. I'
m afraid the others are trapped on the island, I'm sorry. I have failed us all."
"Don't-" Ayumi began.
*Munch munch*
"Don't fe-" the purple haired mage continued.
*More munching*
POW!!!
"Spirit! Quit eating pie and let me say my line!" yelled Ayumi as she socked me
in the mouth. "Anyhow, Don't feel too bad about it." said Ayumi as she placed he
r hand on Sophia's shoulder. "Damn it. It doesn't matter if the world's going to
end, whatever monsters or demons that may come at us, we'll just kick its behin
d all the way back to oblivion, together."

"Thanks." the elven girl smiled faintly. "That really means a lot, and I'm sure
that well get through this*Munch munch*
"Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!" shouted Sophia as she picked up a nooblet by the fo
ot and smacked me with it three times. She then blushed and smiled gently as the
nooblet searched for his missing teeth. "Sorry Spirit, I was just caught up in
the moment."
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!
The road suddenly crumbled as a blood-red colored beam shot out from the dark vo
rtex in the sky. Shockwaves emitted from the impact crumbled building after buil
ding, until the city was nothing more than a ruin of dust and stone. All the rat
s crawled out of the sewers, carrying every bits and pieces of food left on the
streets. Even the nooblet was carried away as he shouted and cried for his new s
hoe. The skies roared with thunder as meteors rained from the above, scorching t
he last remains of the houses and trees, burning every single bits of life to th
e ground. Suddenly, the entire world turned black as a second shockwave burst th
rough the ground, causing the four of us to yell in pain.
"AHHHHH! What is going on?!"
A pulsating pain ran through my mind as I attempted to focus my vision. A dark b
lurry figure appeared over the horizon, along with a face of some sort in the fl
ushed clouds... something didn't seem right.
"Mortals of the world!" a muffled voice was heard from the skies, followed by a
the ear shattering sound of a loud flatulence.
"Tee hee!! I knew he would sit on that chair!!!" a voice snickered softly.
"Wait till I get my hands on that monkey... oh! MORTALS OF THE WORLD!!" The voic
e boomed, causing our ears to ring out in pain. "Oh, sorry. That was too loud. A
hem! I am the almighty lord of evil, Zamorak. Hear this! As of now, your entire
realm belongs to me, myself, and I only! I am your overlord, your master, and th
e conqueror of your entire human, elf, gnome, and er... midget race! Prepare to
bow down to your new god as he descends into your world!!!"
"Now's our chance!!" shouted the Grand Mage Andrew as he raised his golden staff
. "Zamorak, your reign of terror ends here! In the name of the Gower brothers, o
h wait, that's us. Uh... High councilors, Silver Crowns, charge!!!!"
A sudden uproar filled the air as the warriors jumped out of their mailbox camou
flages and charged towards the castle, slicing and dicing demons upon every side
. They soon gained the advantage as the couple dozens of fighters pushed deeper
and deeper into the citadel, slowly moving towards the gate.
"Spirit!" shouted Isaac as he drew his mithril blade. "This is the best chance w
e've got! Let's blend in with them and attack Zamorak before he arrives!"
"Right!" I nodded, picking up the Banz0r Blade and ran into the crowd, followed
by Ayumi, Isaac, and Sophia. A rush of adrenaline filled my body as I ran faster
and faster. "What an adventure! I can't believe we're going to fight the great
evil, Zamorak himself! Here we go!! Na na na na na na na na, go, Spirit, go! Na
na na na"Spirit!" yelled Ayumi angrily as she smacked me in the back of the head. "Shut

up and keep running! We don't need stupid sound effects from you!"
A giant meteor descended from the vortex as the demons formed a wall along the s
econd gate of the castle. The ground before us suddenly split into two as a dark
portal imprinted into the stones. Jets of purple cloud siphoned through the hel
lgate, shooting out towards the ranks of warriors running into the castle, strik
ing them down one by one.
"Four hundred years left!" yelled a large, bulky man wielding a giant red halber
d as he spearheaded the attack. "Let's go! Move, move, move!! Warriors, pentagon
formation!"
The first group quickly spread across the ruins as more and more demons flooded
out from the dark seal. Waves after waves of cave crawlers leaped out from the c
revices, biting and slashing at everyone as they approached. Unfortunately, one
of them bit Isaac's behind, causing him to run twice as fast as everyone else, w
hile shouting for his mommy.
"Three hundred fifty yards!!" shouted the Grand Mage Paul as he vaporized six Cr
awling Hands with the wave of his golden staff. "Everyone, headphones- I mean, e
armuffs on!"
'What did he just say?" shouted Isaac from the other side of the crowd. "The bee
r puffs are on? Alright!!1"
"No, Isaac!" yelled Sophia as she made a hand gesture over her head. "Ear-muffs!
!!"
BOOM! The outer shell of the giant meteor in the sky suddenly exploded, sending
chunks of cannonballs onto the crowd, hitting people in the face as they looked
up. Almost spontaneously, two dozens of banshees suddenly appeared out of nowher
e and circled the group, blowing raspberries and pointing at people's noses.
"Wahahahahahahahha!" laughed a banshee as it attached itself to Isaac's face, po
inting a finger at him while shouting "n00by n00by n00by" in an ear-piercing voi
ce.
"Two hundred and seventy yards!" reported a young archer as he tripped on his sh
oe, fell over and knocking down an entire column of mages. The banshees instantl
y surrounded the fallen fighters, as they ripped the earmuffs off of everyone's
head and began telling really annoying jokes about chickens and crossing the roa
d. I turned around suddenly and swung my fist at the nearby banshee, blackening
one of its eyes as it chased me screaming "knock knock" over and over again.
"Close one there, mate!" yelled a mage concealed in a long, black cloak as he wa
ved. "One joke from those guys is enough to make anyone stupid, 'less you're alr
eady weak in the upper story from the start!"
"Lololololololololol!!" roared Isaac with laughter as multiple banshees hovered
around him and whispered in his ear. "Rofl! That's a good one! Hey guys, why is
6 afraid of 7?"
"Everyone look!!!" exclaimed Sophia as the entire battalion stopped right in its
tracks. A look of horror appeared on everyone's face as the core of the meteor
cracked, flames shot out from the crevice and scorched the nearby air around it,
causing it to burn in a brilliant of crimson and black. A demonic roar unlike a
nything from this world ripped through the ranks of warriors and fighters, cripp
ling them as they dropped to their knees.
"KEEP... RUNNING!!!" shouted High Councilor Three as he waved his weapon. "There

's only two hundred yards left! We have to seal the gate beforeWHOOSH! A stream of tortured souls shot across what was once the front courtyard
of the Varrock castle as it wailed and screamed in an ear-shattering pitch. Mor
e and more people dropped their weapons and ran the other way, only to be picked
up by the souls and suffered fates of atomic wedgies. More and more cracks appe
ared on the meteorite core as it crackled in the skies, slowly hovering above us
.
"We're not gonna make it!" shouted Ayumi as she grabbed my arm and pulled me to
the other side of the crowd. "We've only covered half of the distance needed to
seal the gate, there's no way we can get to it on time! Come on! I've got anothe
r idea!"
Part 41
The people in the crowd ran frantically and bumped into one another as even Andr
ew sat down by a corner and began sucking on his thumb. "Help me... mommy..." he
slowly cried. Upon seeing their leader in such a vulnerable state, the band of
warriors began to lose hope.
"Everyone!" said Ayumi as she jumped on top of a rock, directly the crowd's atte
ntion to her. "We must direct our attacks at the giant meteor above! That's wher
e all the evil energy is gathering at! If we can manage to destroy it before it
reaches full power, we still have a chance to win!"
"Noob!" shouted the Grand Mage ignorantly as he stood up, he then waved his gold
en staff and boasted loudly. "Why should we listen to you? It is I, Andrew, that
created this world, and I shall be its leader! We will destroy Zamorak's energy
circle! Hear me! Hear me! First person to get there will receive tax exemption
to all privileged gates and cities in the western world, FOR LIFE!!!"
"Permanent membership and access to the western world?!" the crowd began to murm
ur. "Mine! It's mine!" "Watch me get it first!" "Charge!" "Noobs, out of my way!
"
"RAWR!!!" the mass of people charged towards the direction of the energy seal, n
o longer fighting for the common good of the mortal world but rather for persona
l gains. Waves and waves of demon leapt into the crowds, slashing and biting at
people with their claws, teeth, and horns. The Grand Mage Andrew waved his golde
n staff, vaporizing monsters left and right with bolts of orange lightning, whil
e his brother sprayed flaming sparks of deep azure color all over the battlefiel
d, dropping demons like dust.
"Omg!" said Isaac as he pointed up at the glowing meteor. "Its gonna asplode!"
As if his word was magic, the flaming mass above the sky split into a million sh
ards as flaming stones rained upon the group, catching people's hair and mustach
es on fire. Five beams of dark energy shot out from the pentagram seal as the ba
se of the castle crumbled in lava. A giant demon slowly formed in the sky as mor
e and more souls latched onto a glowing energy core. It was most grotesque in ap
pearance, three horns of a dragon, six wings of a demon and a rail of spikes cov
ering its entire back. A black aura surrounded its form as the symbol of ultimat
e darkness and evil appeared on its forehead. Zamorak is here.
THUD!
The giant beast suddenly descended from the sky, quickly as it appeared and land
ed with a loud stomp, shattering the frontal towers of the Varrock castle. He st
ood at least twenty-seven feet tall, looming over the moonlight, sharpening its
claws. It slowly opened its eyes as it spoke with a voice that sent chills down

the spines of even the greatest of champions.

Splat. OW!
"Aww crap, did I step on someone?" said Zamorak as he lifted his foot. There he
was, the grand mage in a perfectly flat pile of road kill, spread acres (well, e
xaggeration) across the road.
"Could someone please peel me up?" asked Andrew as he lifted his paper-like fing
er. "I think I broke my lasagna."
A wave of quietness fell over the crowd as everyone stared at their fallen leade
r. Even the coyotes growled softly as they hesitated in fear, hoping not to be s
een by Zamorak. The silence was sudden broken as a young girl gasped and dropped
her sword. "His uber-l33tness has fallen!" she shouted. The group exchanged loo
ks of horror with one another as they unanimously shouted "Run away! Run away!"
and scattered. Leaving not even specks of dust nor shoes.
"Well." said Ayumi as she grinned hesitantly. "So much for those idiots. Looks l
ike it's just the four of us now, huh?"
The glowing eyes of Zamorak quickly scanned its surroundings as they fixed onto
Ayumi. The demon then took one step, soon followed by another as it crept toward
s Ayumi, raising its claws in a fashion much like a leopard moving in for its pr
ey.
"Watch outThe purple haired mage suddenly made a reverse jump as a thin line of crimson ap
peared on her cheek. She scoffed disappointingly and wiped the drop of blood fro
m her face, sidestepping in the process.
"Damn. I could barely see his movements." said Ayumi as she grabbed a handful of
chaos runes from her backpack. "Don't let his bulky size fool you, he's much qu
icker than you think."
"My turn!" yelled Isaac as he picked up his mithril longsword with both hands an
d charged at Zamorak. "Stand and deliver!!!"
Clunk! The blade slices right across the demon's face as it shattered into piece
s. Isaac began walking backwards, nervously whistling as a sweatdrop appeared on
his head. "Um, nope, sorry sir. Didn't mean to attack you, my hand slipped, lol
..."
"Isaac!" shouted Sophia as a loud SMACK sound shot across the air. As I turned a
round, my best friend flew past me like a rocket and fell right into the ground,
his head completely stuck in the dirt.
"Omga imma killu!!1" the highwayman shouted angrily through a muffled voice as h
e attempted to pull his head out from the dirt. Sophia and Ayumi sudden nodded a
t each other, as a bow and air staff was raised for some sort of a combined atta
ck.
"Zypharious Seralius!!" "Sagittarius Crystallus!"
A crystal arrow was suddenly shot from Sophia's bow as it intertwined with Ayumi
's wind bolt. The vorpal energy twisted through the air, leaving a trail of crys
tal sparks in the air as it destoryed Zamorak's arm on impact. The demon roared
out loudly in pain as the wind bolt from the arrow suddenly exploded, sending bl
ack smoke from where the evil lord's arm used to be.

"No way!" shouted Isaac as he plucked his face from the mud, gasping in awe at t
he wondrous effect of the attack. "He's not invincible after all!"
"That's what you think! HAHAHAHAHHA" laughed Zamorak as he raised his remaining
arm. The ground suddenly split up under the lesser minions as a blaze of purple
flames spread across the ruins, engulfing the imps, skeletons, and various monst
ers as a stream of souls surrounded the ultimate evil's wound, regenerating its
arm within seconds. "I can always use the energy from my underlings to create mo
re energy and heal any damage you inflict on this body. There's no way a couple
of you weak mortals can destroy a god! AHAHAHHAHA!"
"Uh, actually, you just absorbed all of your minions." said Ayumi as she pointed
towards the piles and piles of smoking ashes on the ground.
"HAHAHahaha... Aww crap." Zamorak's laugh slowly trailed off as he stepped back
a bit. A look of worry appeared on his face as he moved backwards even more. "Oh
boy... I'm screwed."
"W00t he's weak now my turn my turn lololololololololol!" shouted Isaac as he sw
ung his two fists in circles, flailing and charging at Zamorak in the most fearl
ess manner that I've ever seen him at. "Super Hero Isaac Brave Bronze Fists of D
oom Combo Attack! Wooty wooty yeah yeah!!111oneoneshiftoneoneleventyseven!?!/?!1
1///"
"But I've got THIS!!" exclaimed Zamorak as a sudden glistening spark appeared on
his arm. The Apocalypse Circle was imbedded into his demonic flesh as he laughe
d and punched Isaac. "ELEMENTAL BLITZ!!!!"
A circle of fire surrounded the demon's fist as it flew into Isaac's stomach. Wh
am! The burning punch was followed by a flesh piercing glacier from Zamorak's le
ft claw, a quick wave of wind slashes from his wings, and an earth-shattering st
omp that knocked Isaac into the air and through three layers of crumbling walls.
"Ooh, that had to hurt." said Andrew as he slowly attempted to crawl away with t
wo paralyzed legs. "Ha ha, I'm glad those idiots are fighting him instead of me.
Heh, they can have some fun with Zamorak and weaken him a bit before I come in
and save the day. Man, I'm gonna be so rich afterwards, I'll be rolling in cash*Thunk* ow." The Grand Mage dropped to the ground once more as a rock nailed hi
m right on the noggin.
"Spirit!" shouted Ayumi as she continued to hurl bolts of air at Zamorak, missin
g every shot due to the demon's ungodly speed. "Focus on the fight! We can't aff
ord to have you slack off!"
"Right!" I replied, picking up my backpack and taking out randomly assorted cabb
ages, tossing them at Zamorak left and right. "Exploding cabbage! Chunky cabbage
! Rubber cabbage!"
"LOL WHAT A NOOB!" taunted Zamorak as he spun around in circles like a ballet da
ncer, graceful as a swan in a lake and quicker than a butterfly... er. Well, any
how he dodged the cabbages like a sissy.
"Whooop!" yelled the giant beast as he suddenly stepped on an orange rubber cabb
age, tripping over it and getting a face-plant straight into the ground. A barra
ge of crystal arrows and wind bolts pummeled him like a wave of fallen potatoes,
causing him to scream out in pain as he exploded, sending out a shockwave of da
rkness that signaled the end of the fight. The Apocalypse ring shattered along w
ith the last bits of flesh, leaving nothing more than the bright glowing core of
darkness that previously existed.

"PWN3D!" laughed Isaac as he gave us the thumbs-up sign. Was it really over? Som
ething didn't seem right... Apparently Ayumi and Sophia both realized the same t
hing and stood solemnly over the burning corpse of evil, not letting their guard
down for even a second.
"Well done, mortals!" a voice rang out in the air. "No one has ever managed to d
efeat me before! Er... except for that one time that cursed group of idiots trap
ped me in the walls of Old Varrock and banished me to oblivion... and well, it s
eems that we're standing on the exact same spot were my last body fell."
I could feel Ayumi and Sophia slowly getting more tensed up as they prepared to
fight once more. Zamorak's voice continued to laugh in an uncertain but yet conf
ident tone... something is missing. He must have one trick left up his sleeve, b
ut... NO!
"YES!" Zamorak roared with laughter as the legendary Java cup suddenly appeared
within the core. The skies turned from crimson red to pitch black as the demon s
creamed in rage. "BEHOLD! ULTIMATE PANDEMONIUM IN ITS SECOND FORM!"
Part 42
The earth began to shake once more with a great tremor and force, causing the la
st standing remains of the Varrock castle to fall. Pillars of flame shot out fro
m underground, surrounded Zamorak in a wall of blazing heat and energy. A black
mist covered the entire field for miles and miles and extended to every end of t
he horizon. The moon turned bright red as it pulsated with energy from the darkn
ess, the black aura that surrounded Zamorak grew even stronger as the Java cup f
used with his glowing core.
"The sky's falling apart!!" shouted Isaac as he pointed up at the pitch black sk
y surrounded by layers and layers of dark swirling vortex. This is it. The final
battle against Zamorak. It all comes down to this, the fate of mankind depends
on us! We shall be victorious! We will... ooh I have a stomach ache.
"BEHOLD!" yelled Zamorak as he transmutated into a giant bull-like demon. It was
the ugliest thing in the world, like, ever. Two horns curved and twisted its wa
y out of the demon's mouth, spikes grew on the hoofs of the burning beast, the w
ings slowly wrapped onto the creature's back as a layer of onyx armor encased th
e abomination in a shell. It was much taller than the first form. The gargantuan
demon galloped at us on all fours, his crushing footsteps booming in our ears.
He now at least fifty feet tall.
"Eat potato!" shouted Isaac as he attempted to throw a tater as Zamorak. Thunk!
The fruit hit right on but simply bounced off like a tiny pebble.
"How dare you hit me in the behind!" roared Zamorak angrily as he picked up Isaa
c with a quick shove of his horns, lifted him into the air and tossed him straig
ht above.
"I thought it was your faaaaaaaaaaaace!" screamed Isaac as he flew a hundred fee
t into the sky, landing on Andrew with a thud as both of them said "oof" at the
same time.
I drew the Banz0r blade from my backpack and swung it twice in the air. The myst
ical sword slowly lit up in a brilliance of golden light as it blinded Zamorak.
"The sacred Banz0r blade?" exclaimed the Grand Mage as he picked himself up on o
ne knee. "I thought that Thirteen had lost it forever during the Varrock sewer i
ncident..! Why... it's been in the hand of that mortal all along?"

"Impossible!" Zamorak roared in pain as the holy light continued to blind him, e
ven paralyzing his movements slightly.
"Now's my chance!" I raised the Banz0r blade as it pulsed with
familiar feeling of the golden sword gave me reassurance as I
e. The golden light was stronger than ever, its brilliance lit
the ruined city, its eminence even pierced into the darkest of
reating a pillar of light and hope for the entire world.

my heartbeat. The
prepared to strik
up every inch of
darkness above, c

"BANZ0R STRIKE!!!" I shouted at the top of my lungs, swinging the blade with all
of my energy like I've never done in my life before. The sword sliced through Z
amorak's shell like butter and ripped through his inner core of darkness in an i
nstant. But then sometimes went wrong. SNAP! The sword suddenly broke in half as
only the handle remained in my hand. I looked down in horror at the useless woo
den stick, hoping the attack was enough to defeat Zamorak...
"Lol!" clapped Isaac in giddy laughter. "You lost the swordhead!"
I quickly looked up and saw the golden blade spinning through air, arc after arc
as it finally landed, pummeling the Grand Mage in the head, knocking him out on
ce more.
"Fools!" shouted Zamorak as black smoke shot out from every single one of his wo
unds. "This isn't over yet! I've still got one last trick to bring you all down
to oblivion with me!! MAHAHAHAHA!"
"Everybody run!!!" yelled Ayumi as she grabbed Sophia's hand and sprinted toward
s the main road of Varrock with her life. "Isaac, Spirit! Move it now!"
"MOMMY!!!!!" Isaac suddenly got up from the ground and burnt through the broken
road, running like the wind of flatulence. Tears of horror ran from his eyes as
he bolted right across every broken pillar and stone. I smiled back at them, kno
wing that my friends will be safe. No... I've lost too much energy from that las
t attack... my legs can barely move. I don't know if I can survive this at all,
but at least I was able to save the world from being destroyed by evil. I've don
e alright, for a noob.
"Spirit!" Ayumi suddenly turned around as she let go of Sophia's hand. A wall of
flames shot out from underground, blocking her way back. "Damn it Spirit! Zypha
rious Seralius! It's no use! You better get out of there alive or I'm kicking yo
ur butt so bad that you'll be sorry for life!" Tears ran down her cheek as Sophi
a hesitantly dragged her away from the burning fields where the castle once stoo
d.
"OBLIVION BLAST!!!" roared Zamorak as he exploded into a million pieces, creatin
g a wave of fire and heat that rushed towards me. This is it, I thought to mysel
f. Nothing in the world could save me now, except...!
KA-BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!
"Omfg look it's GenieRob!" yelled Isaac like a little girl that just saw a prett
y pink pony. "omgomgomgomgomgomg!"
"What?!?" exclaimed Ayumi and Sophia at once.
"Whoohoo!" I screamed and whooped at the top of my lungs, laughing and shouting
while holding a golden cabbage in my hand that I had received not long ago. Ther
e he was, GenieRob Chunkypants himself, who was trapped in the golden cabbage, s
aved me at the last second by teleporting me five hundred yards away from the ma
ssive explosion. He was even more amazing than on magic box, the true blue himse

lf. He gave us a huge grin and laughed heartily, then turned to me, gave me a sa
lute before finally disappearing from earth along with the golden cabbage. "Alal
alalalalaoooooblahblahblahloo!" yodeled the great genie voice as a cloud of Pixi
e Stick power, er... I mean, blue magic dust fell to the ground.
"YEAH!!" shouted a familiar voice as a group of adventurers jumped out from ever
y crevice and under every rock. People from all over the destroyed town flooded
out to greet us. Everyone was here, Chris, Hanbins, Chroz, Romeo, Juliet, the to
wn idiot, Finway, Tenshi, Lowes, Thallissa, general store owner, the king himsel
f in a tutu, everyone! The names were endless but the joy was unanimous. The fou
r of us were lifted by the crowd as drop parties appeared all over the streets,
noobs flooded out and fought over the bronze while neighbors hugged one another
out of joy and happiness. Even dogs and cats danced and bogeyed while Romeo bega
n performing his rap in the town square. Cakes, pies, balloons, wines, soup! Eve
rything flooded the tables as food was everywhere. The celebration continued on,
the party grew even wilder when the silver crowns brought in free beer for ever
yone. Isaac and Sophia sat and laughed with one another, drinking beer and throw
ing food at random people. (But they had to stop when Sophia accidentally hit hi
s one old guy with a coconut and knocked him out, that got her in trouble)
"So..." smiled Ayumi as she walked up to me. "I guess we did alright, huh?"
"Are you kidding me?" I replied enthusiastically. "Zamorak got owned!!1"
She laughed softly while handing me a package. I took the present and slowly unw
rapped it. Oh, it was that same old cheap blue paper hat that I traded to the Lu
mbridge store owner for my wooden shield so long ago, AND *GASP!* a set of full
bronze!! I quickly put the bronze suit on, feeling like a knight in shining armo
r. I smiled with glee and gave Ayumi a big bear hug, before finally realizing wh
at I had done.
"Oh sorry." I stepped back a bit. "Forgot you didn't like hugs."
She just turned, I almost thought she was going to hit me when she began to blus
h. Her cheeks became rosy pink under her long violet hair. "You idiot, lol!" She
return the hug. ^^
But whatever happened to Andrew...?
--Somewhere far, far away. In my hometown of Lumbridge.
"do0d!" shouted a nooblet as a crowd of bronze wearing villagers gathered around
the unconscious man. "is he dead?11"
"i dunno" replied another. "pmfg he has a crown! omg he works for burger store!"
"Awesome!" gasped a third as he ran up to the grand mage and poked him in the ey
e with a shovel. "Hey mister will you make me a double whopper with cheese pleas
e?"
"What?!" the man sudden sat up, realizing that he was still alive. He bent down
and kissed the ground "mwa, mwa, mwa!" then placed his hands on his face and beg
an crying. "I'm alive!! Man! I'm so brilliant! Yes! Yes! Hell yeah wooooot!"
The crowd of newbies all stared at Andrew like he was some crazy wacko. A silenc
e fell upon the group until one girl suddenly pointed at the grand mage's blue s
triped socks.
"Whoa are those made of ro0n?!" she cried out. A sudden gasp filled the air as h

undreds and hundreds of noobs dog piled onto Andrew and fought over his blue soc
ks. The last thing ever heard was a loud painful scream of "AHHHHHH! Help me!!"
well, and maybe some punches.
And thus concludes the adventures of Spirit and his crew of noobs. The tale of t
he blue haired noob shall be told for generations after generations after genera
tions until the end of time. This story of bravery, honor, friendship, adventure
, and pie shall live on in the hearts of people for the rest of eternity. Oh, an
d you can't forget the GenieRob theme song!
OHHH! Who lives in a shoebox under the streets?
GenieRob Chunkypants!
Swirly and blue and mystical is he!
GenieRob Chunkypants!
If magic and funnies be something you wish,
GenieRob Chunkypants!
Then dance on the manhole and fall in a ditch!
Ready?
GenieRob Chunkypants!
GenieRob Chunkypants!
GenieRob... Chunkypants! Do Ba De Do Ba Do Be Doop!
Finale
One year later.
"Oh come on you lazy idiots!" shouted a purple haired girl wearing a blue and wh
ite dress as she handed the guard three notes for five hundred thousand coins. "
We've got an entire month's worth of time to eat, if you guys don't hurry, we'll
miss the next glider to Camelot!"
"Jeeze, Ayumi! Alright already!" shouted a man in a white I <3 VR shirt as he ra
n onto the wooden plane. He adjusted his black facemask, but then decided to tak
e it off because he didn't want to be mistaken for a glider hijacker and get thr
own off. "Spirit, we're all waiting for you!"
"Right!" I replied, stuffing the last bits of my apple pie into my mouth and ran
through the checkgate with my bulky suit of full bronze. A magical orb on the f
light attendant's desk suddenly went off as three guards chased after me.
"Wait sir! You have to take off all metallic objects before you're allowed to go
on the glider!"
"Sorry!" I shouted back, throwing my full bronze armor off the wooden plane as i
t hit the guards with a thud. "Take care of it for me please!"
And the plane flew towards the sunset, where the world was forever at peace. Or
was it? Dun dun dun!