MARCUS BUTLER

Luckily there are people on hand to help you through these tricky times.

HELLO LIFE!

WILL YOU GO OUT WITH ME?

Vlogs are a great comfort. My friends, the YouTuber Connor Franta, and
the Australian actor Troye Sivan, both came out as gay on YouTube. Troye

OK, first things first. You fancy someone. This is good news. Theyre hot, funny,

explained how he discovered his sexuality, and the difficulties he experienced

smart, the most gorgeous thing youve ever laid your eyes on and, undoubtedly,

in coming out their videos have loads of reassuring advice in them. My

without question, The One. The bad news is that now youve got to figure out

YouTube friend Tyler Oakley supports The Trevor Project, which is an

what to do next. Unless youre telepathic, this Object of Desire is probably

organisation that focuses on preventing suicide in the gay, lesbian, bisexual and

unaware of your affections, so here are some pointers that should set you on

transgender (LGBTQ) communities. If you go to www.thetrevorproject.org youll

your way to asking them out on the first of (hopefully) many dates.

be able to read loads of info on the subject.

1 BE REALISTIC
There are also plenty of support groups online, such as Being Gay Is Okay or

Sorry to be a Debbie Downer here, but you need to know your limits in the

www.bgiok.org.uk which was designed to help people under the age of

dating game. Be brutally honest with yourself. If a guy you fancy is usually drawn

twenty-five. Their site has plenty of tips on how to come out to your friends

to the bookish indie-kid type and youre a lithe, smiley beach volleyball hotshot,

and family, plus lots of useful, life-changing advice. But if you feel you really

he might not be interested. Just saying.

need to talk to someone straight away, you can contact the London Lesbian
and Gay Switchboard who provide confidential support for people throughout

2 BUILD UP THE COURAGE

the UK. They can be reached at 0300 330 0630 and www.llgs.org.uk. They

Confidence is key. When I was at school it was a nightmare asking someone out.

might not be able to calm your mum and dad down at first, but they will be able

The smartphone technology wasnt there for me to flirt with someone

to help you.

I fancied, or deliver the question. I had to do it face to face, or on Messenger

after school. Now you can ping someone with your phone and its sorted
in seconds.
The Trevor Project
thetrevorproject.org

Being Gay Is Okay

bgiok.org.uk

London Lesbian
and Gay Switchboard
llgs.org.uk
0300 330 0630

But even with that in mind, you still need to build the confidence to engage with
a person youre crushing on, because asking them out cold probably isnt going
to work. Youll have to build some kind of relationship with them first (though
beware the previously discussed Friend Zone!), so chat to them in class, or
before a work meeting.

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HELLO LIFE!

Its important to remember at this stage that subtlety is very important. If

you like someone, dont go into the conversation with a desperate mindset,
where youre thinking, I like this person. I have to start a conversation with them!
Your body language might throw them off and your entire game plan will have
been busted. Especially if you go up to them with the line: Hi, you dont know
me, but I think Im in love with you. Cringe.

3 DO SOME GROUNDWORK
Youve identified The One. Youve successfully negotiated Stage Two, so now
you have to find out a little more about your Object of Desire. Talk to them.
Find out what theyre into, whether thats music, fashion, art or sports. If
theres some common ground, seize it. Build up a relationship and work out
what makes that other person tick.

4 FLIRT
Dont be scared to flirt. If youre feeling a connection with someone at
college or work, drop a subtle hint. Sometimes a smile across the office is
enough, or a reassuring joke when things are getting a little bit stressful
during revision sessions that kind of thing. Its always good if you can

Never, under any circumstances, ever wink at them

make someone laugh, and if your jokes are being reciprocated, theres a
good chance that this person likes you back. Never, under any circumstances,

flirt back. Id just laugh about it. So when Niomi started flirting, too, I thought,

ever wink at them. Ugh!

Wow, this is cool! She wanted to take it forwards as well. Our chemistry helped
it to happen.

I know that with Niomi and me, it was a friend thing at first, though we
werent quite in the Friend Zone. I was always telling mates, Yeah, I fancy her,

OK, now its decision time. If youre feeling uber-confident, skip to Stage Six,

but does she fancy me? Id flirt with anyone, and I wouldnt mind if they didnt

otherwise read on

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HELLO LIFE!

5 TECHNOLOGY IS YOUR FRIEND

risk of having someone reject you and laugh at you is all thats getting in the

Use it. All that stuff is vital in the modern dating game. Writing down your

way of your journey to true love, then toughen up.

feelings in a text or email gives you time and space. You havent got to face
someone and you can plan what you want to say. It might even be an idea to

Always remember the basics, though: clean teeth, have a shower, do your

bounce your message or mail off a friend for advice first. They can tell you

hair. But if the other person is into body odour and dirty fingernails, then by

whether you sound a bit stalkerish or not.

all means dont wash for a week or two.

There is one downside to approaching someone online, and thats the lack of

7 PREPARE FOR SUCCESS

reaction. Its impossible to see how someone is taking your exciting offer of

Theyve said Yes. Sweet! So now what? Make sure youve got somewhere

a lunch date in the local coffee shop. Are they jumping for joy, or recoiling in

to suggest straight away. Dont leave the idea of a date hanging because the

horror? Every possible outcome will flash through your mind as you see the

other person will think youre not that serious. Instead, have something and

dreaded symbol flashing at the bottom of your text box. Get ready. Death

somewhere in mind, which, if youve nailed Stage Three should come easily.

or glory is coming your way...

8 READY YOURSELF FOR FAILURE

6 TOP-LEVEL DATING S***

Rejection hurts, I know, and the level of pain will depend on the depth of your

So you want to do it the old-school way: through proper chat. Well, congrats.

feelings. But you will get over it. And its important that you dont lose your

Being able to ask someone out in person is great. It shows courage, and it

self-belief. When youve been knocked back, its so easy to go into a negative

proves you can speak about your emotions. But its also advanced stuff. Its

spiral, to think: Great, I fancy that person, she doesnt fancy me, so that means

the ninja school of dating.

that no one else is going to fancy me. Before long youve gone into free fall. Am I
always going to be on my own? Whats wrong with me? What the hell?!

I remember at school, thinking, I really like this person, and I really like that
person, but Im not going to ask them out. Id imagine the worst-case scenario,

The truth is, if theyve said No, think, Great one less person to waste my

like asking a girl out and having her laugh in my face. Then her friends

mental calories on. Concentrate on meeting someone who is interested in you

laughing in my face. And everyone in school rinsing me for it afterwards. But

instead, and, believe me, there are plenty of options out there for everyone.

then I always figured, Whats the worst thing that can happen? Seriously, if the

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