The graph illustrates the comparison of factors that will influence employees' job

performance on two categories of workers (age 18-30 and 45-60) in one big
corporation. Overall, it is clear that the performance of younger workers were more
likely to be influenced by many factors, whereas the senior employees were tended
to be motivated by several inner factors.
For workers aged 18-30, the most popular proportion was chance for personal
development, which accounted for approximately 90%. Next, at 80%, the promotion
prospects and relaxed working environment were the second highest job affecting
factors. Consequently, the following factors were amount of payroll and team spirit,
which attracted about 70% and 60% of young workers attention. It is interesting to
note that the least popular element was work environment, which constituted well
under 40% of the total percentage.

Turning to employee aged 45-60, the amount remuneration was significantly higher,
at considerable more than 60% than any of the other factors on the list. This was
followed by workers' team spirit (60%), promotion prospect and job satisfaction
together with competent boss, which each occupied around 50% of total career
performance factors. Subsequently, the respect from and colleagues and chance for
personal development comprised a proportion of around 40% As was the case in the
chart, the lowest proportion was spent on job security, with the percentage of 20%

Kindly please grade the essay according to table below, so I can

better identify my weaknesses.
Task
achievement

Coherence/Cohesi
on

Lexical Resource

Grammar and
Accuracy