Let’s talk about you:

Race _______________ Age _______________ Sexual orientation __________
I have been groped by (check all who apply):
___ Bill Richardson
___ Bruce King
___ David King
___ Judge W. John Brennan
___ Harry Teague’s employees
Fill in the blank (circle the best option):
“In the late-’70s, early-’80s, I was ___________________.”
a. A Democrat, b. Killing people in the name of Uncle Sam, c. Doing
enough blow to kill Robert Downey Jr. twice
“When I get to Santa Fe, I’m going to take _______________, and we’re
going to clean that place out.”
a. My webcams, b. A paid leave, c. My startling misconceptions of what it
is a governor does
“For the past eight years, I have ________________.”
a. Presided over the Senate, b. Used taxpayer money to fly around the state
like a big-nippled Howard Hughes, c. Discovered exactly why they call
him ‘Big Bill’
Which of these is congressional candidate Tom Mullins?

(continued)
Multiple choice (choose only one answer):
Which of these is most valuable in a congressman?
a. Dental hygiene
b. A neck
c. I’m from southern New Mexico and cannot read
How handsome is Martin Heinrich?
a. Pretty darn handsome
b. So totally handsome
c. Answering this question would violate the terms of my restraining order
How many of the world’s animals can Adam Kokesh NOT bench press?
a. 4
b. 7
c. That’s a trick question; Adam could not create an animal he could not lift
How does the domestic partnership bill make you feel?

Are you attracted to portly Hispanic men with beards and open
marriages (circle one)?
Yes.
No.
If yes, please write your name, phone number, address and
desired salary below. Offer expires January 2011.
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