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    Revista MAD 216

    Copyright:

    © All Rights Reserved
    Download as PDF or read online from Scribd
    Flag for inappropriate content
    Download as pdf
    164 views53 pages

    Revista MAD 216

    Uploaded by

    Lucho
    Revista MAD 216

    Copyright:

    © All Rights Reserved
    Download as PDF or read online from Scribd
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    of 53
    “STAR SOME TV SHOW DON DAVE TREK” CALLED “BENSON” MARTIN BERG ..and the usual gang of idiots are all in this issue of... RAS aS eT been ay MAD’ THE NOSTALGIC [er STCULATED 0 DRIVE YOU OUR LATEST FULL-COLOR 32-PAGE COMIC BOOK BONUS .+.Containing An Assortment Of Collectors’ Items From These Four Valuable Back Issues Of The ’50's YOU GET IT - PLUS THE USUAL ASSORTMENT OF TRASH FROM PAST ISSUES . . . IN THE we MAD NOW ON SALE AT UNAWARE MAGAZINE DEALERS! ASK FOR IT! NUMBER 216 JULY 1980 “Vision is what some people claim they have when they find that they've guessed correctly!"—Alfred E. Neuman WILLIAM M. GAINES publisher ALBERT B. FELDSTEIN editor JOHN PUTNAM art director LEONARD BRENNER production TERRY De FUCCIO, NICK MEGLIN associate editors JACK ALBERT sists GLORIA ORLANDO, CELIA MORELLI, ‘DAVID FRAZIER subscriptions CONTRIBUTING ARTISTS AND WRITERS ‘he usual garg of idiots, DEPARTMENTS ANOTHER WASTE OF SPACE DEPARTMENT ‘Star Blecch—The (Gack!) Motion Picture” BERG'S-EYE VIEW DEPARTMENT The Lighter Side Of Keeping In Touch ‘CAPITOL GAMES DEPARTMENT ‘MAD's Plan For Making ‘The Congressional TV Show More Entertaining CLASS DISTINKSHUN DEPARTMENT ‘AHigh School Yearbook For Average Clods DOWN, PRINTS! DEPARTMENT Famous Family Album Rejects FISH WIFE DEPARTMENT ‘The Big One That Got Away GRINDING THE AXIOM DEPARTMENT MAD Laws : HI YO-YO SILVER! DEPARTMENT Don Martin Looks At “The Lone Ranger” LETTERS DEPARTMENT Random Samplings Of Reader Mail MALICE IN BLUNDERLAND DEPARTMENT Election Year Jabberwocky MARGINAL THINKING DEPARTMENT “Drawn-Out Dramas” By Aragones OILY ADDITION DEPARTMENT MAD's All-inclusive, Do-It-Yourself Energy Crisis Newspaper Story PUT YOUR FUNNY WHERE YOUR MOUTH IS DEPARTMENT An Al Jaffee Snappy Answers To Stupid Question: Fishing Adventure s z SEE NOTE DEPARTMENT ‘An Eye-Popping Scene On A Corner VALET OF THE DULLS DEPARTMENT “Bentson'” (A MAD TV Show Satire). **Various Places Around The Magazine ee ae i) eet sci Fr Made Tigi ha I gaa et ses ie Aha uaa VITAL FEATURES “STAR BLECCH EMERGENT S Fioo ns] [ Teron she | [Tove boon proaram edb Veer to st Perhaps it vanished £0 ‘The-carbon-based-units didn't want INTRUDER TLEER! to liter the universe! rsbeek | | ‘shecould Stakes || sipinto, | | thabinfesttheUs.s. wearing Bootypriz! Revas-my ter || “strange ‘more | cathrober |p} comfortsbie: somethin | |. iuektodraw-the-short fend-ottheestick Vaer iethe stilbe present n Creator te ‘Atleast SHE hasan Whois S Anawhois || Askherifshe Teer has been programmed isa wild Excuse torneract | [Viger []thecrostor’ | | everworscsin | | Noresponato reformer || warout 2a tne! Whats YOURS? shout puters! Pernape || Cenry es, Neratecvon tor Brecker, || butitmay i hes ]) [Evident Drecker | [Maybe we cous So did And here are using || whispering in couldn’tholdher || ‘arrange a date the questions: Dic you auaio- || her esr, and atienton.--orany || “forner with SIGN for ent thruster Wisual || undressing partorheranatomy! || the ineroaible Suit When are you go rmanipu-|| “her at the She usteame outot || Mulki They t Bing to RETURN Dic tation! | | same timet his chamber without || _ seem to have 2 pening his doors. | | more in comment ‘Spook, why are Yeah you out here? disappeared trom our side of Towed the orders we'd pro: ‘grammed into itt An this esult! leer, WE created “Viger”! Therefore, AndiFV'ger-does-not getthe-information— audience ate-growing ae Se Thetis better [] noses of ottypops and | | atiastyou are two pounds at fudge!_| | “taking: V'ger Lee H to-vigerimmediately! the universe's MOST Statement —rejectedl) which f0: And ‘seriously! 'No, Captain... wo ust witnessed the birth of a brand new Motion Pleture: ART Form, whete the SPECIAL EFFECTS, are ten times MORE INTERESTING than the people, the plot and the dialogue! MALICE IN BLUNDERLAND DEPT. ONCE MORE, IT’S ELECTION YEAR...AND ONCE MORE, AND THE NEVER-ENDING SPEECHES AND COMMENTS A ELECTION YEAR ‘The Middle East defloins with dridd, (eeching day by day; insneeved, we'll dworp Khomeini's norp, Despite what others say. WE'RE IN FOR THE RHETORIC AND THE PROMISES IND INTERVIEWS. IN OTHER WORDS, WE'RE IN FOR... WRITER: FRANK JACOBS Aduzzlekate most lomishly With those who zunk this nurgled land; To them I say, “The gleek will ‘You'd think they'd understand. To ablovate the Soviets Seems noggled breep, a grcemish tasks What's nurg with SALT? It'ssmung with gralt! [thought you’d never ask, Grave questions glip us as we streep; | Will Brezhney jub the frammissoo? [ And when the final plek was fort ined to zorch and vame, 10 diffrence anyhow, “Cause each one sounds ‘What glop defense when cities snerve, ‘When farmers driddle wiffishly; ‘Our unemployed are sneep and floyed; ‘On this we all agree. Will Arabs grot and snurb Si Filleave it up to you. LOOKSAT... Lehe p Ma 4G ‘] a i - A ry — oe Ne |Z Vie collet eal |j your | tee Andou cat eater ee * (iba | (eae xX ikon] ve Hi, Mom! (whatethe |] 6 ‘But Fm in a diferent TIME T waited til AFTER ELEVEN, } iiaccepta’ |i Wsme $ | matter are] isfine, ¢ | zone! You WOKE ME UP! W's | {when the ates are CHEAPER! yeu SICK? |} Mom! You } | iwoo'gekin the MORNING | fetes } in VERY CONSIDERATE! BERG'S-EYE VIEW DEPT. vom (EPL aes) OES (tte [Trees gapsom ge me) [HeALbOmsictrenenber] | other day, and he sad Tote you that he tik ‘you that you've spoiled him for |rncemtorG tustisrerrs| | ‘stautyouvayenant” | | elotherstmoct Mealso seta Tecra miner ee to remember Vv (seven erint) all interested, just eal him! . 7 Aa of yours! tomens (But none of those things) — [Tean THROW THE BULL from yourGraduating | | write | | ofa large Corporation with br are true! You're NOT as as well athe eae Class! eves how sue- | | them | | ofices allover the world, and how | | successful as they are! with | | ive in a20-r00m mansion in the | |pteas- A a Never (Zo) [Gamat country, with a town house inthe | V [rims succesful ly, and now | own Rolls Reyes, iinet better! | y-ueilig = | and how the Republican Party wanes |p, Neeeua| s torun me or the Legisature Qe Vp V i 3 \ ‘ ‘\ t SIN TONG [Sten] (“Tpipwiwrote ) [Taiaire) (Welt you know how meabout|| youaPostcara | | gotany| | the maillist always oe) every day from ev- ay ‘get back home betore| So, why do you bother to WRITE ther?! ( does ANYBODY bother to write ("Es (rater) ery place! went a tha Poa Cars cl {That coesn't mean you Don’t question a Mother's) Hi, Mom! 'got here hours ago, } ¥ Yourline has been contin. have to panic and call, “intuition! Something ter- but something terrible happen-{ | uously busy for two hours! ‘every police station tible has happened, and ‘ed, and I couldn't tell you! and hospital along his he can’t call | know i ‘Okay, but rm gonna be ‘stuck listening to her ‘complaints for the next half-hour oF so! ne umber and get back to you! ‘and places! Senators... the ‘successful businessman like Governor... Universities... | Scientific institutions... | Hospitals... otc... ete... | ‘and you mingle with the mighty, they keep in toucht ‘And ail from important people ee bel When you're a fowl Your desk | My Boss insists on bet when ]{_ lsayt He LC FE freirauder][ “aceersetes” ] (wneseyt(ametieen] | GLORIA...COME IN | | ['SSonee shit | intercom equipment: ev | HERE! | NEED YOU! * ‘NO fem \ TT c Fn woul ay to myselt Af “Someday, ll show them all” \ r | \ probably want my autograph! Vm really glad we were ‘When Iwas a kid, Iwas a real to show them Look ] { Hey, STINKY!) [Whatever invited to my Cousins schnook! My family always used The best revenge issue. | | who's| | Youhaven't | | became: Club Meeting! | haven't toputmedown...andeailme | |ess...and'vebecomerien | | heret [changed a bit! | of you? [seenmy tarilyinyearst) | names... and say twas aoser! | | and famous! Wy, they'l all ——* / s )) \| | Tas annoyed atthe Utity |) (So, what ha 7) (Wnatetne matter?) (Patence—] {_PIPEDIN musiC— Company, 50 calea them vp ‘Nom,| | ‘Cantyounavea || Tvegst_| [CAN'T STANDIE tomeke 4 mild complaint US| | ite patiencent || PLENTY of | i @ J \ tomell We forgot to send a Christmas Card to the Brown Holy Cow! it just oceurrea_] (ares Hes They’ be offendedtt ‘nd they want ME ‘Dr Gitcher couldn't make to COVER for thom? it this morning, and they aro re's| | is Dr. | § playing golt, ana they { | Boy, what NERVE! need you for » FOURSOME! ‘an EMERGENCY, the | | Freent) $ have an EMERGENCY! Hospital sends mea |S’ signal, and | check \ || with them by phone! ‘You COULD write to your ‘Aunt Harriet... and thank her for her lovely gift! FISH WIFE DEPT. THE BIG ONE OILY ADDITION DEPT. Every day there seems to be another newspaper story more confused trying to figure out what's happening dealing with the energy crisis. And every day we get and how we're supposed to deal with it. Well, there's MAD’S ALL-INCLUSI ENERGY CRISIS NEWSPAPER STORY ana ‘nted be hai | ____(]) face a severe shortage of ___() | ah" showing a — dicated, - ey oie than * | the White House announced today. The crisis, which theGoy The ‘ational oon pe could —__(3) —_®——, isa result rane fe ated at will be | of, (3). __—, brought on by ____(@)___ radon ‘The vised nal prod. {7)—_—. sagured sd by the pear Citizens are being asked to____(G) and to _| rerea, coe 23 per ous ® O . The President | tacke : ‘Bush inp. in | Said he will soon ——_@)—_——_ and is contemplating | |, was at- WRITER: FRANK JACOBS. 8. 9: in the Middle East use mass transit drive in Iran phone Prince Faud fill up in Congress die early bathe in the War of 1812 build their own reaetors run naked on Three Mile Island read the 23rd Psalm breathe in Studio 54 travel by ricksha evacuate on the street where you live sleep with their clothes on get stoned in “Airport 79” reincarnate as sparrows walk their clones in Jerry Brown's camper avoid sex phone Grandma on the yellow brick road free their slaves crawl on all fours at the Indy 500 tie up their children wander lonely as a cloud on public television buy Ethiopian conceive to wade through long articles any more, b er MAD is now, once and for all, wrapping up the entire gy mess. Simply fill in the numbered blanks from the corresponding numbered lists, and you'll have . . . E DO-IT-YOURSELF L Motorists Home-owners Balloonists Geminis Mouth-breathers Whigs Gay doormen Sinus sufferers All states but Georgia Unwed furriers Dwarfs Ted and Linda Feingold 4, service stations the West Coast the Alaskan Pipeline seenie lookouts Krypton Warren Beatty’s fun room Middle Earth six stamp clubs in Wichita Boys Town Al’s Pizzeria Monday Night Football The King Tut Exhibition 10. only when necessary in groups of fiv during reruns of “Benson” at 55 miles an hour when Mars squares Satum with a trained squirrel only on Arbor Day with Howard Baker during “60 Minutes” during months having an “R” at reduced temperatures when it’s Miller Time 2. gasoline heating oil cocaine warm Dr. Pepper leadership energized gravel see-through dickeys non-stick bubblegum calcium effective deodorants soy sauce good news Ds reduced imports Arab greed gas-guzzling Mopeds the Susan B. Anthony dollar powerful trolls careful planning “Tip” O’Neill’s biorhythms the Scarsdale Diet Miss Piggy’s nose-job the Great Depression rolling double sixes man’s inhumanity to man Me address the nation set up guidelines tear up his Exxon card close Utah resort to groveling burn whale blubber back Teddy Kennedy convert to buffalo chips become a Moslem be nicer to Mondale’s niece admit he is a droid have his teeth bronzed 3. close down bankrupt put the screws to take the fun out of clean up blow the lid off end diplomatic relations with unionize give the Mafia control of bring back vaudeville to stop those whis inspire a TV series about 6. anti-American feeling lack of refineries sloppy drilling longer coffee breaks smelly truckers a Darth Vader look-alike an obscene phone-all a savage game of “Go Fish” the sky falling the ghost of Howard Hughes enraged shepherds Werner Erhard showing up 12. gas rationing resigning his navel the return of the horse suicide unleashing Billy traveling by Greyhound renting out Camp David pardoning Schlesinger out-of-body travel a roller-disco in the Oval Office living under an assumed name 5 a EIS jou don'tswitchto another) [ Hil We're four Ns Tim a Se , CAPITOL GAMES DEPT. - | |_| channel quicky.youregonna | | wild and crazy ||Senator Gut NO... the wer | By now, you've all seen this season's | besturk watching “SATURDAY | Congressman --../, Prosie|\( "didn't want that! | PALE ""auMosti™. |) "yogi. “nl coulda boo oP new TV shows, and you're al convinced ||" "eating ThePart The, |) j male utin 7 youre the TV Industry has hit bottom, right? | prime Congressona Payers"! | Washington. || “not [sis Mat a Wrong! Because guess wha's coming to SPSy=p 72 = 4 Za. Se the tube! The U.S. Congress! Soon, the a END) Aas ie vot Networks are going to start televising ‘our Law Makers in action. Anyone who's ever visited Washington and sat through a dreary session of Congress knows that this new program is in serious trouble! How can our Legislators compete with blockbusters like “Laverne & Shirley” or “Three’s Company"?! We think we've got an idea that may help! Mainly TO MAKE THE CC TV SHOW MORE ARTIST: JACK DAVIS ee Gaunmppagereanc ct Wammremgornaincnernte] [wm semen — SSeS CONE ESS We show g Oe cage oars bak ipetrea takes youd oe Meet iant eee ia Muster ieeretere (L [oyrenesrany weeo Sera yeane Fan Ge? Wear Feed : elected Representatives in Jed me Fmlooking fora [4 and well go over job asa Seretary!| | your qualifications! panne Ml WY \SSY Bebe Tjustgot back | [C™mon, get] [_Okay, let suet ‘Okay [ean make from New York! }\ outta here! | down to business! ‘we'll take Weatawidana |\"thawas |, | Otrasthey say ! vate | [can makeaat. 1 cranjtownt Abum| | nosUMtt f | inpaitce™ But tent yore esse conesusiome || iatwas ¢ | senousiots! || ack [aod tuckee gov shagsicvtoran || WO | |shal'webwitiew J Othe Hen totale ee || er | Home eases GRESSIONAL. STR RANG ‘WRITER: LOU SILVERSTONE = Thank God! The voters | couldn't care LESS. about litte hanky- fl panky! Why, itactually helped the “He's only human! image of some my colleagues! But ‘ne Ca oribe Fa La 7 be ruinous! Hew canyouinw | A GAMERATT | Fe] Pees | ‘atime like this? | That's okay! Lean get all myeon [Senator] tor Make the typists want! Ineed a sensitive, intelligent, well-built woman like you T'can relate to! Being @ /Senator is a thankless job! Its very lonely at the top "ite | Comfort “The first event is the "Blindfolded Paper- ‘Shredder Race"! Each of our competitors is ‘blindfolded! He then has to hide incrimin- 2 "As you know, bath Houses of Congress each ating documents somewfiere on his person, Crawl across a greased pole suspended over passed legislation recently, giving them: ‘selves fat salary increases! Whichever Water, and put the documents into a paper stay taeton wil nae iettlon thet ected nan ES Sapte arias un fo nt eset : : “iddaPnd atic aude iti crete [neve mber Orel] [Wetlmurcerhe ume} |] mencwers osnymatal om pers eevee ean Ts ES" Today, we've {got a team from the United States Senate ready to face ‘off with a team trom the House of Re 'al FBI ile on each contestant! So there's Your incentive, guys! Now, do a good job! ve g\ This is Howard Coolsell... | [ Back home, "Today, 'had lunch with the GOP Whip, the {welcoming youto “MONDAY | | we call 'em ‘Senator from the Badger State, Wisconsin, "Elephants" ‘which, as you all know, isin the tough NIGHT POLITICS"! Tonight's |) confrontation over the Big Ten! | put ito him that rumor has Bil ‘and tackasses," 4 that the Republicians, the party of Hiwaral Lineoin, is going to spring a filibuster! Hard? ‘obst [somebody| | action by use of || gonna || dilatory tactics, Tide, || such as speaking Bronco? | | toconsume timet tween these traditional rivals, the GOP Pachyderms and the Democratic Mules! So pare psn ors By RH ‘And here's your host, Wink Porkbarrel! (fHey, gang! And what | | SCREW THE [| TAXPAYER?! r VV NG aor ‘he rales ofov game ave simple! Even a child, ‘or a Congressman can understand them! | pick a px Representative ‘rom each side ofthe aisle to Hi, folks ... and welcome to Washington's favorite pastime (\; SCREW THE TAXPAYERS"! SS Besides! | There's (cops! Nice try, “Looks like Senator Boondoggle Jj Congressman Frank! |] decided to deep-six his doce: ee Stay with it ‘ments! Way to go, Senator!! ee a 5 [So we promised the winners (| lwould add an amendment to || “THAT their bil giving an equal pay increase tothe losers! That's right! We all felt it would be insane to risk losing a big fat pay hike because ofa stupid game! f wo teams! {Youre so POniy one thing! shore wan they @ rea Mirgo tera eed iTeatantastc sights fj nent. itt f'| those prety! Daas Comps nstoas, wily at § asinecountrysdected {) Ruuyis [| ofusingthaie WIVES ws Ceeetesderst ff Newent! Tepresentatves enter to se i Okay! You also got $225,144 to hire a staff. plus free office space... $27,000 for furniture Sorry we can\only choose twoo play. but we have some consolation prizes forthe rest of you! First, everybody gets a $57,000 salary, $7000 personal expense account, and 33 al ‘apenses paid roundtrips to your Home States ‘ou alsp gat $2250 for incidentals and a free sultease, a $6650 stationery allowance, plus unlimited free mailings plus $5000, unlimited free phone calls and free Medicare an We seem io be running outor time, 90 the Home States of BOTH of our lucky Contestants get 26 millon dollar dart Because we're playing Washing ‘on’s favorite game where everyone wins expect—You know whol! Lats tear Phe name of tho g fre flowers from the Botanical Gardens... and $2.00 haircuts! GRINDING THE AXIOM DEPT. Have you ever wondered why it rains every time you wash your car? Are you puzzled why the war- ranty on your TV runs out the day before your picture tube blows? The answer is obvious! We are all at the mercy of mysterious, unstated laws that have the power to make the young feel old, the wise look foolish and the strong turn into mush! In other words, we're all subject to __THE“ON SALE” PRINCIPLE THE CRAMMER’S MAXIM CRAMER'S MAXIM COROLLARY ‘Over 80% of all “Storewide Sales’ dine out of ten areas of take place the week after yo A tory, it’s the tenth area y bought something at “Full Price. that Wil eppear'Su that nal exam, ve: manates after the exam i over: THE SERVICE CALL AXIOM THE CORPORATE TRUISM CORPORATE TRUISM COROLLARY TY set or appliance cj of a new corporate ing a service call will work per- eases at the same rate 30 fectly when the service man arrives. inge to make waves decreases. SECOND LAWS aoe | ‘THE GIVE-AND-TAKE PRINCIPLE THE GASTRONOMIC LAW nu desire a shi dow, the less likely it hhave it in your size check are mailed to you city on the same day, the arrive 4 days before the check. ae VACATION ree The more anticipated the greater the chance you'll the day before you're due to leave THE SPORT’S-FAN’S THEOREM A phone eall you have to take always coincides in time and length with the greatest moment of the televised game, THE RESTROOM MAXIM The more urgent your call to nature, the greater the chance that every stall will Either be occupied . . . or oilt-of-order. ome Ch St OF SOME pit Pea Oe en Seg SAS AL ceed ears HA aaa Dy \ ead AN STO KAREEM ABDUL-JABBAR TAKES HIS FIRST BABY STEPS EARLIEST FARRAH-FAWCETT MAJORS EXPLOITATION SHOT ROSS ea Gg Ca Rae eta CON OSU Cus Nc HENRY KISSINGER MAKING HIS BAR MITZVAH SPEECH CLASS DISTINKSHUN DEPT. sah Most High School yearbooks feature a handful of sharp kids: The Best Looking, The Most Popular, The Best Dressed, and like that. But these smartass kids make up only a small percentage of the average graduating class. We feel that the rest of the students (like the clods on the MAD staff when they were in school) deserve some recognition, too. Mainly .. . we'd like to see a yearbook that truly reflects the nature of today’s graduating classes. Here, then, is AHIGH SCHOOL YEARBOOK FOR AVERAGE CLODS ANTIST: GEORGE WOODBRIDGE WRITER: Lou SILVERSTONE BSPEGHY 08 YaNRBOOKO? GGADUNTONG CLASS O00 Millard Fillmore was the 18th President of IN i the United States, but he will always be Number 1 in our book. Beeat s an inspiration for the mediocrit i anyone of us can achieve ifwe really putour questionable minds to it. He was the fi President not to be renominated by His most remembered achievement was the installation of the first bathtub in the White House (although it was rumored at the time that he'd thought it was an ostentatious urinal). In 1865, he ran for the Presidency as the candidate of the “Know- Nothing Party” and was soundly defeated. We are proud to have our school named after such an unmemorable American A Message From Our Principal We, the Class of '79, dedicate this To The Class Of°79 book to Gus “Grumpy” Zucchini, As you, the graduating seniors, leave : these shallowed halls and go forth into the the Seliobl Custorian, he tite world (or even fifth or sixth), I have every only person from any depart- confidence that you will carry on the ment of the school that does greatest of Fillmore Traditions: To disap- anything that the Class of 79 can pear and never be heard of again. elate to! oo Calvin Clone We love yuh, Gus! Principal A MESSAGE FROM THE CLASS MEDIOCRITORIAN Iwas asked to say what it means to me to be graduating from Millard Fillmore High: Itmeans I don’t have to go to school no more. I’m glad. . Bernard Schlepp (Well-put, Bernard. Nobody could have said it better!) Nickname: “Pushy” (Many For The First Time) MEET THE CLASS OF ’79 ALLEN PORKNOY Nickname: “Allen” Major Achievement: Never raised his hand Major Achievement: <{ Pushy was involved i the movement to get students appointed to the Library Selection Committee. She signed the petition’ during all 12 years of High School Future Plans: Tofinally undergo a much-needed kidney operation. JENNIFER PUERILE Nickname: “What's "er name?” Major Achievement: Grew two inches in FREDERICK FRIBBLE Ambition: Plans to take a correspondence ea course to beet Dental Technician Nickname: None School Activities: i None Notable Achievements: Heart Specialist FARRAH LIPSCHITZ WENDELL WEEDY Dee: Nickname: ial “Weedy Wendell” Ambition: To get anose job, ag ginhitions \ braces for her teeth, polities! Like, I x cone for ber might register to for her eyes, and voemenna just go on being her same old sel LINDA MAY GRITS MARY ANN HOHUM “Nickname: ‘You there! : Nickname: “True Grits” Major Achievement: Mary will be remembered Fondest Memory: In her Senior vear, Linda received her very first Valentine ‘Card. It was addressed, “Occupant”. by her classmates for uh... whatever. Hobby: Watching TV. ‘Awards: Voted the girl most likely not to, CLUBS AND ACTIVITIES THE NON-JOINERS CLUB THE FILLMORE APOLITICAL CLUB great guys and gals in this club ever ran for soups on campus, not one of the lorfor membersoftheNon-JoinersClubbelongedtoanyotherclub nor has any of them ever voted or organization in their four years at good old Fillmore, has no Officers... because nobody a School wouldrun foranything! THE NO-SHOW PEP AND DRAMA GROUP THE GYM SHOWER TEAM "i Pine ‘The fun-loving kids ofthis organization havethe Fillmore ‘Themembersofthisteamhaveestablished aschoolr spirit. They have never attended or participated ina Pep that's going to be tough to beat in years to come. 1 Rally, a School Dance or a School Play. Which is why they all took showers every day after Gymin their Senioryear! _| never even bothered toshow up for this group photograph. _ In fact, many of them took showers instead of taking Gym! ‘THE NON-LETTER TEAM THE GIRLS’ NON-LETTER TEAM None of the jocks on this team ever went out fora Varsity _'Themembersof this team proved tobejust as uninterested or Intramural Sport, nordidany ofthem evergotoagame. in School Sportsas the boys. So score one for Women’s Lib! EY H v. 5 L oO 7 i E 1») | 0 6 if I T Y FILLMORE’S CLASS OF ’79 LEAST-KNOWN STUDENT MOST AVERAGE STUDENT Brett Shmecklehoff (Actually, thisisapicture ofrunner- ‘up, Lowell Acne, as we couldn't find faphoto of Brett, and nobody was Dink got straight C's for four really sure what he looked like!) _ straight years. Way to go, Dink! LEAST-KNOWN JOCK LEASTPUBLICIZED Harold Hersheybar STUDENT Molly Finsternisher Not only was her name never As Captain yrinted in the School Newspaper, or the Fillmore Solitaire Team, Harry ghalked on the blackboard of any of is'proud that the team had an herclassex, Mollysnane wasnever undefeated season, Thats because even writien—along with an ob- ho other schoo! fielded a Solitaire Scene remark—on any of the Boy's Team this season Bathroom wails! MOST LIKELY TO MOST LIKELY TO BE A FILE CLERK BE A HOUSEWIFE Glenda Glitch (IF SHE CAN FIND SOME- BODY TO MARRY HER!) ‘Tricia Gromlick POLITEST STUDENT Raleigh Walters Raleigh said “Gye!” as he le home for school every morning for four years, and he didn't utter an other word all day tntil he returned home in the afternoon and said “Hit”, Raleigh majored in Speech! MOST LIKELY TO BE A SUPERMARKET BAGGER, ‘OR MAYBE A PRICE- STAMPER AND SHELF- STACKER Todd Gluberman MOST LIKELY TO BE AHOUSE HUSBAND (IF HE CAN FIND ANY. BODY TO MARRY HIM!) Sidney Shrydlu CAUGHT IN THE ACTION Candid Shots Of Our Fun-Filled Days At Fillmore High PRE-SCHOOL ACTIVITIES Remember the fun we had waiting for the school bus to take us to dear old Fillmore High School? PROM NIGHT Breaking up, watching a re-run of “Laverne and Shirley” at home on the night of the big prom. WHO EVER SAID HIGH SCHOOL HAS TO BE DULL...?!? Having fun . . . walki the hail between. classes ‘Another fun time... put ting books in the locker. AFTER-SCHOOL ACTIVITIES Remember the laughs bus to take us home from dear old Fi THE BIG GAME Having fun babysi Remember those delicious peanut butter sandwiches? AN AL JAFFEE — SNAPPY ANSWERS TO STUPID QUESTIONS Hd Incident VALET OF THE DULLS DEPT. In the early days of television, there were two popular situation comedies. One featured a wise-cracking child named “Dennis The Menace,” who always outwitted his bumbling parents, and the other featured a wise-cracking maid named “Hazel,” who always outwitted her bumbling employer. Well, TV has come a long way since audiences were amused by those crude attempts at humor. This year, one of the top new comedies features a wise-cracking child and a wise-cracking butler who are always outwitting the bumbling Governor of an entire State. So step into the “Sophisticated Eighties” and join us for a MAD version of a typical episode of Bentson eo Everyvun Governor! But vere ‘shtuck vit him ‘Your job applica: ARTIST: ANGELO TORRES tion says you're wry ebservations, “Insulting put downs and under: stated whimsy! Yeah, and | ALSO do amusing sneers ‘and double takes! Then Fm sure that you'll be perfect tor our household staff Hold it, now! Us | Black folks don't | Sa senna ‘sa demeaning stereotype! warren: Tom Koch What ifyou had WY Job? | playa typ. it mean you have to make coffee ‘and remind the Governor about his |_| appointments... ane do his Cheisimas shopping for him? = apres NET | eal GIRL FRIDAY! | Worse!) Thave tot shoes, | wipe nis and take him potty! because THIS idiot | plays the Governor! Thats ce [How eouldany |] [_EesyiWood ie tera pened REST]. [Hult Kae.the = teresting a DENTIAL QUALITIES! That meant me grins Governa's precocious You should i ike Jimmy Carter, stumbles ike erty eh ve thinkot & Ford and sweets sot ike Richard Mixon! that! Ou PP T tim tonave a Produces WARN ] By ans Weters | } never ee even? |||. Fiesearyeernensenaa aes Because fitng the Governor's achedule ty Ka {or tomorrow, Bentson! In the ‘morning, you write the Governcr’s Treally don’t care! How you arrange |: your TIME OFF is Y, your |! business! ‘But when ‘do dust his ‘office ‘Yes, but we | issziss }[ Bentson...mest_ Since 194511 re Hello? No, Warden! The Governor alvaysiet_| | zee flunky || Miss Krauseheimert [] member because she CAN'T take any calls tomorrow. the Governor | | youhired || She's been our || "showed up wearing night from men begging for last doittit | 7 Staff Cook for || ‘blonde wig and » ‘minute reprieves! He's going to makes him | agettink ry okay ‘irsta ||[ How many years?” many many years! 2 special program at Kutie's School! I'm sure al the guys ‘on Death Row will understand! fee! useful! the proper respect! What Those men want 7 todiscussa F matter more [Laney say must show him should Ido, Bentson...? , they the Sheik really Bentaun come kvicki Zee IT don’t know! But sntarvink LETTUCE PICKERS |] can't run zee whole They ——————"_ we don't, ; noir] | stop our oil supply ‘Shtate vile you're lundt ree ECOLOGISTS undt CHANE FONDA ae all tryink to climb over zee front gatel want us tonoid RECEPTION | | or the 0 cain Shek Thats just tough] —— tomorow || Kutlors || toencttsrnute's \S—Tertme sheik thot ] [What doyou want ME todo? sir _|| scot || someone [| iitrconre | J We want the Governor {to appropriate a ose we always billion dollars to ‘come into the Improve the ot of kitehien in the itinerant we 1 ‘middle of the ‘and clean up nucle ney «= 2 right at the ‘exact same Kutie's probs ‘amotherless || ‘toyour L! That description | Child, and 'm || wife? Is [) would ft anybody inthis Statel! We, shorano® [Goto bed tern atveys wthanotherman! || Sereyeu Secomereal || wenever || Shesaidhewasa | | vokegp tern. || Menton || merci wien we point| | "what || person than mel ut that e's | | happened | more uely kes? Ted | send her to ‘a BEAUTY PARLOR () butthoy ” refused to take her aise Thats about hold her b What's with her? Big deall The Sheik's threatening fo make the whole world explode ‘She's threatening to if we don't entertain him tonight! \ reat till To because Well, Kutie says he'd never a get away with that bluff if ‘sed togo to “Parents’ jl) Winston Churchill were stil Tes eee! _ticharge instead of you} Sy Se Oh, yeah. PM nat in charge! Your FATHER is ‘supposed to make | 7 Well, _! We'd better do! No, to avold rake as the Sheik ing the loss of, wants and hold | | half the people in that Reception | | our audience! They the big decisions tonight! ‘only tune in to see ind here | ———— | Kutle become even To avoid risk. | | more adorable as ing the oss of | | she bravely accepte hhaltthe people | | “disappointments, ‘on Earth? ‘No, vita big shovel He's nifty ‘Okay...then rir] [ Well...so and abuckett Onlya |) Can Daddy Bx Temow this’) | — just take the much for ‘dumbkopf like YOU pa ake KR wil rea) | sephantitbe | | te tart vould try to clean up «nice having some- re after an elephant with body smarter than | | you bravely ‘2 metal detector! [DADDY to talk tol | _| accept dis- = appointment! Bentsoni || where you're supposed to show the audience ‘that you're not only stupid, you're absent elephant || minded as well So never mind the elephant! [ Marina | | Governor we're | ’a Governor never seems to | ———) heipusvitzee | || take up any of my tment? | [With my big mouth, lastminute prepar-|| I wonder WHICH State 1 could be in ‘tions, Governor! || this s suppesed to bet!_[-|_ real big trouble! Zee Sheik iss due | [ Oh, Venjoy weeping busy! | [i sure hope i ‘any time now! it_| | Have you noticed how being || not in the SOUTH! iss gudt you could L i DOWN, Those ve Tm NOT The Sheikis an Equal i Schnappsie!| | turkey mutts | [You don't ) | Opportunity Employer... especial- 0 ha c better watch | | look ike fy now that all the REAL Arabs ARYANS! You're lucky DOWN, whothey're | | an ‘own oil wells... and WON'T | you don’t look JEWISH! | | Schitzert messin’ witht| | to ‘windows, oF Prime Minister (XV (Governor. .the | Uudtvipe zat | [ Thatenotthe | [ ite ueky rm is Excellency. -~ | [ Tguess Tguess ‘Shell’s waiting || silly shmile. | | WORST thing | | a powerful ana | [the Sheik of Rejputt}| sotAre [[Tguess | !— for you in coffyour face! || hellthinkif | | respected Chiet ==> ——| youthe || salvou || | tke Reception ‘Deyouvent || youdon’ttake || of Stats! Other. | [Hil Are you the guy || euywho || “want |) ORANGE ‘Move your tail || zee Sheik to | | off that trily | | wise, ‘who's threatening | runs this || some. || the Best, up there before | | think veo vork : {o.do al those ter || punch | Teet teed oft |foran 1DIOTH, rible things to us It don't act nice? Then twas Me. Roper! | ‘And now; it's a dim- witted Governor! Ho's just ABC's idea We're going tomy ‘nd get to mess with his | ofthe typical Amer. office fo play! The Xerox, too! Boy, I haven't ean male! First, it Sheik wants to see seen £0 much neat stuff in was Lenny and Squigay! my special phone ‘one place since my Son's with all the buttons | | schoo! held “Parents” Night”?! can push to make jee rarer ane} wont acre ren”. | |||PARENTS? NIGHT! ees Ten't this work] ing out nicely! bringing a distin guished foreign visitor with ust But you told me nobody could go Er—the child was just telling us how she and her litte friends have worked for weeks, plan hing this event in your hhonor! its a touching [L_ tribute indeed, and eatol At Parents Night in my Country, the kids just make little displays by piling their gold | bars on their desks! Tes great... sharing ‘moments like this with Toved ones! If you'd ‘come from a big family iy | you'd understand. Oh, Leame from a REAL BIG family! in fact, | went to Tean’t believe I've come to a Shnhi Ws Parents’ Night for a VENTRIL- |=] just a cameo OQUIST’S DUMMY! This is the |! eppearance to | craziest thing we've done yet!_|@ help Bentsont WHAT NEW WAY ARE PEOPLE FALLING “HEAD OVER HEELS” THESE DAYS? Ar HERE WE GO WITH ANOTHER RIDICULOUS MAD FOLD-IN Every generation that comes along discovers new ways to do the same old things. To find out how people are falling “head over heels” these days, merely fold in the page as shown on the right. FOLD THIS SECTION OVER LEFT “LOVE 1S APPEALING, BUT LOVE NEEDS CHARACTER, TOO. BEAUTY ONLY SKIN DEEP, DOESN'T ALWAYS GUARANTEE HAPPY MATING! FOLD PAGE OVER LIKE THIS! {BB FOLD BACK SO “A” MEETS “B”

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