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UNIVERSITY | 3:1 0 am | May 27 , 201 2 | By Marina Keegan

KEEGAN: The Opposite of Loneliness

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Marina Keegan '1 2. Photo by Joy Shan.

The piece below w as w ritten by Marina Keegan 1 2 for a special edition of the New s distributed at the
class of 201 2s commencement exercises last w eek. Keegan died in a car accident on Saturday. She w as
22.
We dont hav e a word for the opposite of loneliness, but if we did, I could say thats what I want in life. What
Im grateful and thankful to hav e found at Y ale, and what Im scared of losing when we wake up tomorrow
and leav e this place.
Its not quite lov e and its not quite community ; its just this feeling that there are people, an abundance of
people, who are in this together. Who are on y our team. When the check is paid and y ou stay at the table.
When its four a.m. and no one goes to bed. That night with the guitar. That night we cant remember. That
time we did, we went, we saw, we laughed, we felt. The hats.
Y ale is full of tiny circles we pull around ourselv es. A cappella groups, sports teams, houses, societies,
clubs. These tiny groups that make us feel lov ed and safe and part of something ev en on our loneliest nights
when we stumble home to our computers partner-less, tired, awake. We wont hav e those nex t y ear. We
wont liv e on the same block as all our friends. We wont hav e a bunch of group-tex ts.
This scares me. More than finding the right job or city or spouse Im scared of losing this web were in.
This elusiv e, indefinable, opposite of loneliness. This feeling I feel right now.
But let us get one thing straight: the best y ears of our liv es are not behind us. They re part of us and they
are set for repetition as we grow up and mov e to New Y ork and away from New Y ork and wish we did or
didnt liv e in New Y ork. I plan on hav ing parties when Im 30. I plan on hav ing fun when Im old. Any
notion of THE BEST y ears comes from clichd should hav es if Id wish Id
Of course, there are things we wished we did: our readings, that boy across the hall. Were our own hardest
critics and its easy to let ourselv es down. Sleeping too late. Procrastinating. Cutting corners. More than
once Iv e looked back on my High School self and thought: how did I do that? How did I work so hard? Our
priv ate insecurities follow us and will alway s follow us.
But the thing is, were all like that. Nobody wakes up when they want to. Nobody did all of their reading
(ex cept may be the crazy people who win the prizes) We hav e these impossibly high standards and well
probably nev er liv e up to our perfect fantasies of our future selv es. But I feel like thats okay .
Were so y oung. Were so y oung. Were twenty -two y ears old. We hav e so much time. Theres this sentiment
I sometimes sense, creeping in our collectiv e conscious as we lay alone after a party , or pack up our books
when we giv e in and go out that it is somehow too late. That others are somehow ahead. More
accomplished, more specialized. More on the path to somehow sav ing the world, somehow creating or

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inv enting or improv ing. That its too late now to BEGIN a beginning and we must settle for continuance, for
commencement.
When we came to Y ale, there was this sense of possibility . This immense and indefinable potential energy
and its easy to feel like thats slipped away . We nev er had to choose and suddenly wev e had to. Some of us
hav e focused ourselv es. Some of us know ex actly what we want and are on the path to get it; already going
to med school, working at the perfect NGO, doing research. To y ou I say both congratulations and y ou
suck.
For most of us, howev er, were somewhat lost in this sea of liberal arts. Not quite sure what road were on
and whether we should hav e taken it. If only I had majored in biology if only Id gotten inv olv ed in
journalism as a freshmanif only Id thought to apply for this or for that
What we hav e to remember is that we can still do any thing. We can change our minds. We can start ov er.
Get a post-bac or try writing for the first time. The notion that its too late to do any thing is comical. Its
hilarious. Were graduating college. Were so y oung. We cant, we MUST not lose this sense of possibility
because in the end, its all we hav e.
In the heart of a winter Friday night my freshman y ear, I was dazed and confused when I got a call from my
friends to meet them at EST EST EST. Dazedly and confusedly , I began trudging to SSS, probably the point
on campus farthest away . Remarkably , it wasnt until I arriv ed at the door that I questioned how and why
ex actly my friends were party ing in Y ales administrativ e building. Of course, they werent. But it was cold
and my ID somehow worked so I went inside SSS to pull out my phone. It was quiet, the old wood creaking
and the snow barely v isible outside the stained glass. And I sat down. And I looked up. At this giant room I
was in. At this place where thousands of people had sat before me. And alone, at night, in the middle of a
New Hav en storm, I felt so remarkably , unbeliev ably safe.
We dont hav e a word for the opposite of loneliness, but if we did, Id say thats how I feel at Y ale. How I feel
right now. Here. With all of y ou. In lov e, impressed, humbled, scared. And we dont hav e to lose that.
Were in this together, 201 2. Lets make something happen to this world.
FILED UNDER: Univ ersity

COMMENTS

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Elena Sierra

17 hours ago

I can identify with could'da, should'da, I am a recovering alcoholic. 43. Look wasted so much.
Realize could have taken longer. This was so helpful.
Reply Share

Elena Sierra

17 hours ago

It is no wonder this has become an internet sensation. It speaks to me in so many ways. I

am thankful for this.
Reply Share

TJ

3 days ago

We are all here to learn lessons. To learn and to grow...if we do that learning and growing
fast then we can depart from here and begin the next phase of our learning....Her life was
perfectly timed and perfectly ordered...hard for those of us here who want more...but let's
learn from her life and embrace it....not regret how short her life was....I am going to read this
book with my son this summer.....
Reply Share

Suzanne Lord

3 days ago

Must read.
1

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Lati-Khaleesi

3 days ago

This essay is truly gorgeous. Often times many of us feel the emotions described by Ms.
Keegan (the uncertainty, the regret, the excitement, the lack of worthiness, etc.). It's quite
sad that such a talented and creative young lady is gone.
2
y2014

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4 days ago

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beautiful article.
5

Reply Share

Emiliano Babarah

5 days ago

Oh my God, I'm so glad to tell everyone the real thing that happen to me...My name is
EMILIANO BABARAH. If i refuse to share this testimony it means i am selfish to my self and
to people i love so much whom might have similar problems, March 16th about something
7:23pm after taken our dinner my husband got crazy started calling a lady name Melisa I love
you, i was so mad and started crying like a baby...then my husband left home for the idiot
called Melisa, and never return back home then i believed when he uthen nderstand his self
he will surly come back to apology, but instead he left me So i complained to my friend she
told me she was having such problems in her marriage until she was introduce to DR
ORIOMON who specializes in bringing back broken homes and broken marriages DR
ORIOMON cast a spell for me in May 4th surprisingly my husband came home May 6th
apologizing that i should forgive him that it will never happen again, i was so glad and gave
the thanks to DR ORIOMON who save my marriage, if you are having similar problem you
can contact him and His email address is (oriomonspiritualtemple@yahoo.com) you can still
save your marriage if u really love your husband.
Thanks EMILIANO BABARAH_USA
Reply Share

Acarl

Emiliano Babarah 4 days ago

Thanks for your illiterate, hijacking rant. Now please go away.

18

Reply Share

Olivia Xiaodan Meng

5 days ago

It's touching my heart deeply..

3

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Reshu Bashyal

5 days ago

This is wonderful!!!
4
Bwibo

Reply Share
6 days ago

I have just sent this article to my kids. One who is graduating on June 19 and the other who
is a 1st year student. I am sure that I will come back to it often enough when in need of
inspiration. I smiled when I read the statement "Were so young. Were so young. Were
twenty-two years old. We have so much time." I have often told my kids that they have a lot
to concur. The future is theirs. I belong to the past.
6

Reply Share

Allison Williams

Bwibo 3 days ago

I think you are missing the point. It is never too late to feel the sense of possibility she
describes. Please don't write yourself off as the past.
7

Reply Share

Deborah Ross Dahl

Allison Williams 3 days ago

amen
Reply Share

madpathfinder

8 days ago

But we do have a word for the opposite of loneliness - it's inclusiveness, or inclusion as
@Obs & Ops writes below. Struggling in grad school with an ePortoflio, I wrote about the
loneliness & isolation of being an immigrant; it was marked "No Pass" by the instructor who
said I had "too much evidence." I doubt he read the essay.
13

Reply Share

Michelle Sabado

11 days ago

I keep coming back to this article when I am in need of inspiration. I turned 20 today and
reading Marina's article is just what I needed to end my birthday. I'm buying her book and I
know it's going to be one of my favorite books of all time. I hope to write as well as she did
one day and to inspire at least one person to follow their dreams as she has inspired me.
14

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vincent barr

3 months ago

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vincent barr

3 months ago

KEEGAN: The Opposite of Loneliness | Cross Campus

This is an elegant description of the opposite of loneliness.

A person can find one's self in a place where they are surrounded by others, where others
many others have been before them, and yet feel completely alone. NYC, for an example.
Another person in a different place could have those same conditions, however, and feel
completely safe. When you find that place, I suggest you enjoy and prolong your stay. :-)
7

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Randy Gritter

6 months ago

Very interesting. Very sad. We just never know how long we have. I shall pray for her.
9

Reply Share

Mohammad Azeem

7 months ago

I am lucky to have come across this article, if not, I would never have know about Marina
Keegan. A humble tribute : https://soundcloud.com/mohamma....
4

Reply Share

Tina Hollister

8 months ago

Since my husband and I were split from each other for three years, I never thought anything
would work. I tried to be positive about this spell because I knew it was real and because of
that there would be no negative things that happened, so what did I have to lose? Well
actually I had everything to GAIN! My husband has been home now for over a week and he is
home for good! The kids are so happy and we are having a renewal of our vows on our
anniversary in September. I cannot thank you and your gods enough for helping him to find
his way back to us. You are the real angel here Dr. Abu! He is ready to help anyone that
comes for help. Contact him via: Ominighospelltemple@gmail.com
6

Reply Share

Obs & Ops

9 months ago

The word is "inclusion".

8
afisher

Reply Share
11 months ago

This has touched me deeply, and I of course have never met Marina Keegan. I've had this
article book marked on my computer for well over a year now. I would have love to have had
the chance to read more of Ms. Keegan's thoughtful words. They way she conveyed her
message in this article made me feel for a moment at least how wonderful it must have been
for her and her friends to have their University experience, be young, and a graduate of Yale
University, ready as ever for the world. What an accomplishment for her brief and beautiful
life. The world has obviously lost someone brilliant with boundless potential.

Reply Share

Mark Zikiye

11 months ago

Absolutely tragic story and a wonderful piece of writing. R.I.P sweet angel.
4

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bass_voice_of_reason

a year ago

"Were so young. Were so young. Were twenty-two years old. We have so much time."
Oh, the tragedy, the loss!
12

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David Cappella

a year ago

I think that this is how I would define joy, or at least an essential aspect of joy.
4

Reply Share

Marty Papazian

a year ago

Beautiful. This really touched me. The power of writing. And what's truly important in this life
as so elequently articulated by this young charming soul.
1

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Rachel

a year ago

This is so wonderful. I just came across this again after originally discovering it a few days
after I graduated from college as well, and it really resonated with me. I felt like Marina
Keegan was expressing my EXACT thoughts in most beautiful and articulate way. My fears
about leaving my bubble of my little liberal arts college, my fear of losing touch with all the
things my college gave me, and of course, the fear of loneliness. That I was leaving behind
"the best" years, and that the real world would suck. But Marina was so right. It's never too
late to have fun, it's never too late to try something new. When you graduate college, it's so
easy to get caught up in feeling old and being scared of the unknown. You somehow feel like
you're supposed to have everything figured out at 22, and you don't. The truth is, 22 is SO
YOUNG. So much time to still explore everything, make mistakes, and make a difference.
Marina certainly made a difference in her short time, and I wish we could have seen more
from her. And as a writer myself (who has put that interest on the back-burner for things I
thought I should be doing), Marina especially inspired me. I hope her family truly knows how
much of a difference she made in people's lives who didn't even get the chance to know her.
She was so talented, and she nailed the post-grad feelings perfectly and in the most
comforting way. Rest in peace, Marina.
12

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tracykeegan

Rachel 2 months ago

Rachel- thank you for the beautiful words

please let me know if Marina's words still resonate with you and if they have
continued to make a difference for you
Yours
Tracy
6

Reply Share

CSevs

tracykeegan 5 days ago

Tracy,
I am just about to graduate from a university in the UK. I just wanted to say
that I read this article for the first time today after being directed to it from a
buzzfeed post. I just wanted to say that I have always believed in the power of
words, but I have truly never read something that resonated so much. I shed a
tear because Marina put to paper exactly how I feel in a way more beautiful
that I ever could, the hope, the sense of belonging to something. Obviously I
never met her, but because of this article I feel somewhat connected to her, if
only by experience, and I am truly sad that someone that could express what
so many people feel, but cannot find the words to describe, so eloquently, so
accurately, and with such beauty, is no longer of this world. We have truly lost
someone incredible. My condolences are with you, and I hope that it is
somewhat of a comfort that so many people are inspired by Marina's words, if
only a small one.
I was struggling so much with the drive to push myself through my final exam
period but reading this has reinvigorated me and reminded me why I started
my journey through university in the first place; to find a sense of belonging
that becomes an inseparable part of yourself.
Thank you, this essay was perhaps the most poignant and inspiring thing Ive
read for a long time.
4

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Jacob Neis

tracykeegan 10 days ago

Tracy,
I am a freshman at Yale this year. I first stumbled on this essay when
searching through YDN archives last summer, in those months of frantic
excitement before matriculation. Then, they gave me reassurance that I had
made the right choice, that I would find the kind of community and friendships I
wanted at Yale.
There has not been a week since then that this article has not come to mind.
I am lucky. I am deeply, profoundly, inexplicably, undeservedly lucky to be
here. But I am human and sometimes grow too conceited or worn down with
PSets and essays to remember that. Marina has been my reminder on more

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PSets and essays to remember that. Marina has been my reminder on more
than one occasion. I am sorry I will never meet her, but I am thankful that we
can communicate, in however small a capacity, through this beautiful,
touching piece.
These few paragraphs are all I will probably ever know of her, but I can say
with confidence that she was - no, that she is the best Yale has to offer. Not a
4.0 GPA, not a Rhodes Scholarship, not a job with "that perfect NGO," but a
sensitive, passionate, empathetic heart.
A heart that has certainly touched mine.
Rest in Peace, Marina Keegan. We can only hope to live up to your legacy.
4

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disqus_WHKL9OoTbF

tracykeegan 25 days ago

Tracy,
I have read Marina's essay every few months for over a year. Her words
resonate with me more and more every time and not just because I'm a 22
year-old liberal arts college graduate living in NY. I never knew Marina but I
certainly will never, never forget her. I don't know if you are worried that she
will fade in peoples' memories but I honestly think about her all the time.
Thinking about her today, I searched her name and was happy to see her
essays and stories will be published soon.
All my best,
N
1
Heather Johnson

Reply Share
a year ago

Whether or not you believe in God, that is up to you. What I believe is that there is a purpose
for us all, even if it is hard to swallow. We refuse to believe that God would create martyrs,
someone who dies for a purpose. As heartbreaking it is to think, as heartless it is to say,
sometimes someone fulfills their purpose, touches lives the exact way they were supposed
to, and then life has to end. We may never know what our purpose was, why God had us
here. All I know is what I feel, the complete utter loss of control. My best friend died 5 years
ago, which still keeps a burning hole in my chest. One that is filled with regret and with
mourning every day of my life. He is the reason why I refuse to believe this is it. How can
someone so remarkable just end? They both had such long and beautiful lives ahead of
them! There has to be a point, there has to be more. I refuse to believe that she died, leaving
such a beautiful legacy behind and such beautiful words, only to no longer exist. This girl has
more, there has to be more for her. There has to be more for him. Two remarkable people
can't just disappear. This is the work of God, a cruel, beautifully destructive masterpiece we
call a life. It can't be it.
3

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AshleyA

Heather Johnson 10 months ago

I don't want to sound unkind, but do you really think that there is more, or do you
simply want there to be more? I ask because I think that while religion/theism is
supposed to be comforting by sending the messages that death isn't real, that we
survive the death of our bodies, and that we will see our loved ones again after our
bodies die, it is actually cruel and distressing for telling us these things. These
messages don't allow us to become comfortable with mortality, to discover purpose
in this life, to mourn our loved ones' deaths in peace (it's hard enough without being
tempted with the fantasy that they're in a "better place"), to marvel over the fact that
any of us are born at all, or to accept that life is short, unfair, and precious.
Religion/theism is supposed to be comforting and atheism is supposed to be bleak,
but I've personally found the opposite to be true. So, if you are distressed and trying to
use religion/theism as a salve but are not having success, consider learning about
what some irreligious people think about life, death, and purpose.
10
Toronto Girl.

Reply Share
a year ago

I read this months ago and stumbled on it again as I saw it in my Twitter history. This is a
beautiful post - so raw, honest and well resonating with so many individuals across the entire
world (including myself).
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world (including myself).

Thank you Marina Keegan - thank you for these beautiful woven words. My thoughts are with
the Keegan family.
RIP Marina Keegan.
5
Arooba

Reply Share
a year ago

it is simply exquisite.......
2

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Ujala Malik

a year ago

It is written very beautifully...:)

2

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Faria Jadoon

a year ago

woah!This is exactly what i say to my friends but eventually they never believe me and still
my faith in myself never fades and hats off to marina,she gave me the confidence to rise up
and do what i am doing ! :) ;)
3

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imypolly81

a year ago

What a beautiful piece of writing. As I write this from Ireland, I have just realised the internet
can be a wonderful thing and am so glad I came across this. She has explained so
beautifully and aptly what it's like to be young.
16

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Rashaud

2 years ago

Rest In Peace Marina. And to the family, you are in my prayers, and I thank you for the love
and thoughtfulness you invested toward shaping Marina's character. After reading the above
piece, I am flooded with memories akin to Marina's, and am grateful for the collective
consciousness that holds us all together.
3

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RhodaRose

2 years ago

We are not human beings having a spiritual experience but

Spiritual beings having a human experience.
3

Reply Share

JeanVictorCote

2 years ago

Why do newborns cry?

Is it because they long for
the world they just left?
1

Reply Share

David

JeanVictorCote 3 days ago

they are hungry and no longer have a plugged-in food soure

1
arexcairo

Reply Share
2 years ago

Marina, you're just amazing. Thanks for writing this piece.

2
RCWIII

Reply Share
2 years ago

Just read about the charges pending against Marina's boyfriend... I have been thinking about
Marina's words ever since I first read them here, and posted several weeks ago... This is
getting even more tragic... Please folks, Be careful out there! As I touched on in my earlier
posts, I died three times in 2008 - Pronounced dead the third time... Those were three
amazing, wondrous times, as I said... But those three times near death are what is making
my chance to be here again even more wondrous... Don't rush it, Don't risk it unnecessarily,
It comes soon enough - way too soon in Marina's case. But fortunately, as I said earlier, I
know she is now happy, healthy, pain and worry free, doing the best work, having the most
fun she ever has - because that is what everyone told me, and what I felt, while there... I no
longer fear it as a result of my visit there, Nor do I want to return any sooner than I should...
Neither should you...
1
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1
Hais

Reply Share
2 years ago

such a beautiful person..

2
zez

Reply Share
2 years ago

you're gone but will always remember...

2

Reply Share

TedRubin

2 years ago

Although I am in a completely different time and place in my life, this post really resonated
with me. Thank you for sharing. My heart goes out to Marina's friends and family.
1
Ravi

Reply Share
2 years ago

RIP Keegan.
Very beautiful. 'The Opposite Of Loneliness'....
3

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Imaginecreate

2 years ago

R.I.P. Such beautiful words.

2

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Isabella_C

2 years ago

I'm not able to explain how much beautiful this writing looked to me. I really would like to be a
good writer as she was, because it would mean becoming able to say goodbye to a girl I've
never met whom I want say thank you for this storm I feel inside. I'm from Italy and I've
dreamt studying in Yale since a long time, but I've never thought about the cruealty of life
giving you the chance, the talent and then taking your breath away. No one deserves to die,
and every loss are tragic, but someone more than others must be remembered for ever.
Because they make the differences, for me..for everyone.
Goodbye.
2

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markymark1975

2 years ago

Wow!What a powerful piece of prose!Of course there is nothing worse than a young person
in their prime,losing their life.Keegan speaks about the life and times of a college student
enjoying the friendship,comradarie,togetherness,and sense of endless possibilities and
opportunities that a lot of us,myself included,might have missed out in their collegiate
undergraduate experience.It's true.It IS a wonderful world out there!Let her words and
thoughts never be forgotten:Seize the day,cherish the memories,and move forward in ways
that we could only have once upon a time dreamed of.The sense of hope,optimism,and
independence is something that,like she so eloquently stated,all that we have in essense!I'm
sure that she was an incredible asset to the Yale/New Haven community,and I wish that
there were even more Marinas out there with that wonderful sense of vision!Prayers and
condolences go out to her family-you have lost a kindred spirit who will be remembered,I'm
sure,for years to come.
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thats why the results weren't released.
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