Liverpool Liverpool On the Ledge ‘Alan Bleasdale First performed atthe Nottingham Playhouse in 1993 and later at the Lyrleton Theatre in London. ‘The action takes place mainly on the roof and ledges of a multi-storey block of flrs, In this opening sene, two Liverpool lads in their czens are on the fla roof. One is being held upside down over the railings by the other lad. They are referred 10 throughout the play as Upside Down and Upright. Upside Down has a por of paint in one hand and a paint brush in the other. He is completing the legend ‘ANACHRY RULES! (sie) whilbe Uprighe, holding him not coo tightly by the ankles, describes is vite 1 London. Published by Faber & Faber, London Act One UUrsiDe Dow's... London, hey? Lrnicier sonrly} Yeah, London. ‘UnsIDE DOWN I wondered where you'd been. Lrnicitr I'm not goin’ again. The bastards hate us. UPSIDE DOWN But whats it really like down South? Lrmicit® I don't know. t wasa"e there long enough. LURSIDE DOWN Yive been gone a year. At leas. ‘UmRiGHT Bur was only down there six manth [very thought- fully). before the bastards got me... Bastard Cockney police "bastard Cockney courtoom -.. bastard Cockney jary -- ibasard Cockney barristers... bastard Cockney judge— Lpsipe Down The judge was a Cockney? ‘UnniGit [oblivious] ~ Bastard Cockney detention centre — bastard Cockney police escort up the bastard Cockney MI... bastard fine months in Wakefield gaol... no time wif for good bel four because I wouldn't bastard well behave». bastard Edwina Carrie On the Ledge UrsiDE DOWN I know ... What? Edwina Curie? UPRIGHT He's all her faut, her and that bastard Peter Bastard ‘isons and all the other bastards on his bastard Question Time because of them, the bastard I was robbin’ turned his ‘bascard telly of. UPSIDE DOWN Dou blame him? UPRIGHT Came in the bastard back-kitchen, didn't he, the Cockney bastard, nd bastard well caught me. bastard black tye... bastard broken nose broken bones, bastard boot in the balls baseard frosbice— Lrsibe Down Frostbite? Urnucist I'm comin’ to that UPSIDE DOWN Was be a big bastard? Unnucirr Bastard body bualder ... If Td been thinking straight, ‘fT have been a proper robles, I'd have realized ~ I'd just robbed his fuckin’ Ballworker UPRDE DOWN Typical. [Upright looks down. Contemplater. Grins | UPRIGHT ... Soll get ie, yhnow, side effects UPSIDE DOWN Oh yeah? Like what UPRIGHT Oh nothin’, just me Wrists sometimes give way on me. ‘Without warn’ (He shakes Upside Down by the ankles, and ruins the "RULES:}, UrsiDe DOWN Ybsstard! trmiciT I know. Sell, it had a sort of Rappy ending... 1 Imight have got nine months but thar bastard body builder got three and a Ball years for attempted murder. Serves him fuckin’ well right. I'm tellin’ y" he was fuckan’ deranged; it's tno fun bein’ locked in a fuckin’ big chest freezer, know Pil never forget Iya’ there on the floor with his foot on me throat while he's empeyin’ it out, scresmie", “Die, y'Scouse Iastard fuckin" frozen sproues and tobe of ice-cream bosncin' all around me...and then fack off, into his fener. dhe police had to wait untl I was defrosted before they could Interview me” sill be dhere now if his wife hadn't come home and’ told him the cost of lesing frozen srl steak go to waite UPSIDE DOWN [Cockney] ‘Got anything in the Freezer, git? ‘upniHT [Cockney] “Only that fuckin" thief you caught lst year, ie? bastard opal bastard inten