The Boy Must Die

Our most important theme

The boy must die in order for the man to live
This program is about you, and your inner boy, not
about women
If you can get and internalize what youre about to
learn, and integrate it into your life, your success with
women will take care of itself

Make A Clear Picture In Your

Mind Of What You Want

Make a clear picture in your mind of what you want to get out
of this program

Even though you dont know exactly what youre going to

learn, you have an idea of what you came here to get

Take a minute right now, and think about why youre listening
to me right now what led you to this point and make a
picture of exactly what you want to get out of this program

Focus on getting your outcome as we work together, learning

how to become men who are naturally attractive to women

Dont skip this, if you need to, make a note and come back to
this point its important

This Is Going To Be Heavy

The first part of this program is going to be heavy material

I'm going to be talking about a lot of things that you might want
to avoid hearing about

You might be thinking to yourself "How the hell is this going to

help me meet more women". That's good

That's exactly where you're supposed to be

In my typical style, I'm going to paint a lot of broad strokes to

begin with, then wrap up at the end with some hard-hitting, ultrauseful things for you to take and use

And you're going to be introduced to a couple of guest speakers

who will take you to the next level and really tie all of this
material together

Will you make the commitment to stay with me?

Review This Program At Least

Three Times Over The Next 90 Days
Review the program a minimum of once per month for
three months, so you HEAR it all
Work with the materials and exercises at least one hour
per day for 90 days in a row to build a solid HABIT
Make a personal commitment to get the most from
your investment you spent the money and the time,
and you deserve to get back as much as you can for it

The Origin Of This Program

I was talking with my good friend Rick the last night of filming my
Mastery Program keep in mind, that program is all about going to
deeper levels in order to really become a master in the area of women
and dating

Youve probably seen Rick on some of my programs hes someone

that a lot of men look up to when it comes to understanding women

Rick said something very profound to me

He said that as he talked to the guys in the program, it was obvious to

him that these guys had never learned what it meant to be a MAN

They had no concept of what it even meant

They didnt understand what differentiated a man from a boy, what

qualities women are attracted to in men, or how to develop into a man

So I started to think about this point, and I realized that there was
something deeper going on here, and that he had a great point

This program is the result of the thinking I did after that conversation

How Do You Define Being A Man?

What does being a man mean to you?
How does one BECOME a man?
What are the qualities that a MAN has?
What are the qualities that a MAN lacks?
What happens if you grow up without
gaining the qualities of a man?

A Burning Desire For Manhood

Many men feel an invisible barrier to becoming a man and
that barrier is magnified by the inability to attract women
by just BEING
In other words, a man wants women to want to be around
them without having to DO anything to fake who he is
Men have a deep, powerful longing to have women want to
be with them just because they do and men have a dark
grief that follows them everywhere when they dont have
that special something that makes women want to be with
them for no reason at all, just because they enjoy being
around you
If a man is actually a grown-up boy, then he not only cant
see the path to fix the problem, he doesnt even know the
path EXISTS

Men Arent Men Anymore

I believe that most of the people we refer to as men today are only
called that because of their age and their size

I dont think that the word were using (man or men) has anything
to do with the deeper meaning of the word man

The word man, in this context, is used to refer to an adult male or

adult male human being, more specifically

But what exactly is an adult man? Is it a man thats over a certain

size or age?

Or is it a man that has matured past a certain point in life? Or both?

More importantly, what if one of them happens, but not the other?

In other words, what if a man gets older and bigger, but not more
mature at the same time?

Or worse, what if some vital part of the maturation process thats

usually present in the external world isnt there at a critical point in a
mans development so that he winds up stuck at a certain point
either psychologically, emotionally, developmentally or all?

We Were Never Shown

The Way To Manhood

By virtue of being born relatively recently, in modern cultures,

most of us men were basically not offered the process of
becoming a man the way it evolved over literally millions of
years

We missed the initiations, the challenges, and the EARNING of

our manhood

We grew, but we didnt grow up

We want to be men, but we didnt get the chance, and we

dont know how to go back and make it happen

Even worse, weve recently been going through a cultural

phenomenon called the mens movement that, while doing a
lot of good, has obscured the reality that we are,
fundamentally, MEN
More

We Were Never Shown

The Way To Manhood

And yes, we should learn how to deal with them in an authentic,

healthy way

But thats not what makes a woman feel ATTRACTION for a man
No way

Feeling that theres something missing, and wanting to fill that

void is bad enough

What makes it unbearable is that the one thing that we want at

every level more than anything, attention and adoration from
women, is tied directly to this particular issue

Without this issue handled, the only way to get attention from
women is becoming a master of PRETENDING to be someone
and using techniques to cover up your inability to be who you are

[Continued]

The Critical Missing Elements

Didnt have a father around, so we had to be the man
and raise ourselves
Were emasculated by our overbearing fathers
Were spoiled by good-intentioned mothers
Had no process of initiation at that critical time
We went through pseudo-initiations like sports,
boot-camp, gangs and fraternities
We made it to adulthood, alone, missing a critical set
of elements with no map or hints to find them

The Mysterious Missing Manhood

As a result of not being shown the way to manhood at a critical point in our
lives, many of us have a feeling of missing something inside and that
something cant be described very well with words

We know that we SHOULD feel a certain way, and we want to feel that way
maybe its strength, or being a protector, or having earned the right to be a
leader of others whatever it is, its like that nagging feeling that never
quite makes it into normal consciousness its like the splinter in your
mind that Morpheus talks about in the movie The Matrix

A woman can sense instantly if a man is missing his manhood

And if he is, then the possibility for attraction or a relationship is instantly

not an option in her mind and she cant control it

An inner switch flips inside of her, and it creates an invisible barrier and
even though that process and the barrier is invisible, its still very real, and
very obvious

The Mysterious Missing Manhood is as painful to women as it is to men and

unless you learn how to develop your Missing Manhood, you will go on
feeling lonely, out of control, and desperate and nothing you try will fix it

Neoteny And Maturity

As I was studying human development over the last few
years, the term neoteny kept coming up
Neoteny is a term that means retaining juvenile features
into adulthood
Humans are born more premature and helpless than most
mammals
Many mammals can literally get up and run for their lives
within minutes of being born
Human babies are literally helpless for YEARS after being
born
We are born premature because our huge heads that hold
our huge brains cant fit through the birth canal if theyre
any bigger
More

Neoteny And Maturity

We retain our physical juvenile features for many years as
we develop into adulthood
Is it possible that we could be prone to retain our juvenile
INTERNAL psychological and emotional features as well?
Is it possible that this process of being born immature and
staying immature longer can lead to a PATTERN and HABIT
of staying immature?
Is it possible that we become psychologically
HABITUALIZED in the patterns of dependence on our
mothers for everything from attention to love to affirmation
and everything in between?

[Continued]

The Boy Must Die

The boy must die for the man to live
The caterpillar must die for the butterfly to live a
total transformation not partial
"Grown Up Boy" syndromes... tyrant, bully, whiner,
vicky, etc.
Think of the ways that YOU manipulated when you
were a boy
Now think of the ways that you still do these things,
only older, more shrewd, more rationalizing to self
and more sophisticated versions
The first step is seeing and admitting where youre
still acting like a boy

Man Psychology
And Boy Psychology
The Inner Boy-Inner Man continuum
We all have a part of us thats a boy. Its a
continuum. You can be anywhere on the
continuum
Boy, freedom from responsibility enjoys, has
fun with society
Man, responsible structure, carry the load of
the family and society

Some Questions To Start

Opening The Door To Maturity
What are you not admitting?
What are you running away from?
What ideals are you clinging too tightly to about yourself,
women, or relationships?
What do you need to realize and accept?
Where are you accepting second rate thinking and behavior
from yourself?
Where are you not being authentic in life?
Where are you not demonstrating integrity to yourself?
What are you hiding?
WHY are you hiding?

The Initiation Process

Primitive cultures universally practice initiation
processes that boys must successfully pass through
on their way to manhood
It seems that this need for a formal transition that
is assisted by older men is hard-wired into us, but
perverted when no ritual is present
The boy that grows up but isnt initiated into
manhood often winds up living a life fighting
demons of childhood rather than developing into a
fulfilled man

Its OK To Be A Man

In my original book Double Your Dating, I wrote a section

called Its OK To Be A Man

The idea here is that many men have learned to be

unconsciously ashamed of their desires and natural drives
and to repress or even hate them

When you try to fight or even deny your own nature and
drives, it will come back to bite you in the ass later in a
million ways

And when it comes back later, it wont be a simple drive to

screw a womans brains out it will be a complex of neurotic
thought/feeling/behavior patterns that are very difficult to
unwire

You must accept yourself, embrace the fact that youre a man
and you have a nature, and then learn to observe all that
happens from sexual impulses to killer instincts and harness
the power that they imply

The Mens Movement And

The Womens Movement

The womens movement seems to me to be the process of

naturally masculine women getting together and saying you
should act more masculine to other women

The mens movement seems to me like a bunch of naturally

feminine men getting together and saying you should act
more feminine to other men

It appears to me that the typical woman thats a strong

feminist/advocate of the womens movement and the typical
man whos a strong supporter of the mens movement are not
TYPICAL at all

I think that each of these typical members of these groups

represents maybe 10% or 20% of the ACTUAL population

I believe that this is why both of the movements ring true for
all people at some level, but generate more digs, sarcastic
remarks, and cynicism than anything else probably in the
ratio of 80%/20% or so

The Anima And The Animus

All humans have at least some structures of the opposite sex

present inside of them

The Anima: The female archetypal structures in the man

The Animus: The male archetypal structures in the woman

As men, were taught to repress the Anima inside of us

Common themes among men: Discomfort in the presence of

men who act weak and looking down upon homosexual men
because they are seen as somehow less than a man gay
jokes, etc.

Your Animus is there if you repress it, it will come back to

haunt you

Repressing vs. Integrating

Accept Integrate Transcend

Women That Piss You Off

Have you noticed how many women these days are using their
youth, looks, sexuality, and power to arrogantly display their
superiority?

Shirts "Bitch" or "I'm not in the mood to be stared at"

Doesn't that just piss you off?

This isnt a result of women being women, its the result of

women not growing up being stuck in the girl-woman
phase then having other girl-women write books for them

Boys, Men, Attracting Women

Cant Attract Women

Boy

Man

Can Attract Women

Avoids and represses the fact,

doesnt confront because its too
scary, low self-esteem,
depression, image of loser

Spoiled behavior, cheater

manipulator, arrogant, tyrant

Feels less than other men, has a

deep grief that he usually wont
address that can be
characterized by the phrase I
am a failure at one of my basic
intrinsic purposes

Strength, protector, leader,

mentor to other men, source of
grounding energy, on his
purpose

Moving With, Moving Against,

Moving Away From, Moving Toward
Child
Adolescent
Adult
Mature Adult
Talk about the idea of these being the four stages you go
through on your way to maturity and on your way to
focusing on what you want in your life, not what you dont
want and pro-actively getting what you want rather than
being activated and moving against others, or moving away
from what you dont want or moving with others blindly
If you get "stuck" in any of these modes, it can be very
negative to your life results and personality.

Trying To Get The Love Or

Approval Of:

Father

Mother

Men

Women

List the places where youve been unconsciously trying to get attention
and approval from each make note if this has been for a long time

List the ways which you subtly give others power over you by putting
them above yourself, and the traits that trigger this unconscious
process

List what you do to subtly try to get attention and approval

Now admit to yourself how and why these things are unhealthy

Now mentally and emotionally let go of them

Allow yourself to mature and become a healthy adult man who can
respond consciously instead of reacting unconsciously

Interacting With Other Men

Its important to become a man who can comfortably interact

with other men

Most men dont have healthy relationships with their fathers,

so they dont get a good start on this road at the beginning

My own situation with my father

Exercise from Mastery, and how men reported feeling

uncomfortable being close to masculine energy had a gut
level response

Consciously address this in your own life, become comfortable

with other men around you it will free up mental energy for
other things

Stay On Your Own Course

Men often try to follow a woman who doesnt want to lead, and when
she doesnt lead, the man tries to convince her to lead with questions
and body language that seeks approval

Most men orient themselves by, following, and seeking approval of the
woman. She leads, they follow... in fact, she isn't even leading, but
they TRY to follow. They try to make her lead. This is a horrible
mistake.

Diagram Of The Arrows

This is a very simple testing system that guarantees a woman almost

perfectly accurate results any guy can luck through or fake his way
past one test, but just like your chances of flipping a coin and having it
come up heads 10 times in a row are pretty close to 0%, so are your
chances of passing 10 test by a woman in an evening or even over
weeks or months

Stay on your course, even though she is all over the map

Let her reorient her body, behavior, moods, responses, communication

to yours

Dont back pedal, change, explain, or try to get her to lead

The Illusion Of Control

Your conscious mind has the illusion that its in control, and
you naturally assume that a WOMAN'S conscious mind is in
control as well (this just makes sense)

So, living in this double illusion, you naturally and intuitively go

to work using your conscious mind to convince her conscious
mind to like you... not realizing that it's your older brain and
systems that are actually controlling you, and that hers are
controlling her

A woman is using the clues she gets from you to make an

assessment of whats REALLY going on inside of you, and who
you REALLY are

When you realize that youre not in conscious control of what

youre doing most of the time, and that hers isnt either, you
can begin seeing things for what they really are, and making
dramatic progress rapidly

You stop blaming and acting victimized, and you can begin
handling the situation like a mature adult

The Critical Counterintuitive

Concept

Humans tend to follow certain pre-programmed or hardwired thought, behavior, communication sequences. Many of
them seem intuitive or obvious to the person whos doing
them even though they are NOT the best thing to do in the
situation. Gambling more when you have something definite to
lose over having something definite to win is an example.

These built-in mistakes keep us from achieving greatness

and with a little work, we can take off this success governor
and learn to improve these issues on an ongoing basis which
will ultimately accrue and become massive success.

When the herd is doing the intuitive to their own disadvantage,

and a few know how to do the counterintuitive to their own
advantage, there is often a huge profit or gain to be made.
Think the stock market, investing long-term vs. short term,
challenging attractive women, etc.

Taking Conscious Control Of

The Self Improvement Process

Make the unconscious process conscious by learning how it

works

Recall times when youve personally made a mistake or had a

success as a result of this process

See the connection between doing the Critical

Counterintuitive thing and either avoiding un-useful outcomes
or achieving a useful outcome

Imagine future situations, and mentally rehearse doing the

counter-intuitive so it triggers automatically in your mind

Purposely put yourself into situations that either naturally allow

you to practice, or unnaturally allow you to practice (contrived
if you have to) so youre programmed to do the right thing in
the future
More

Taking Conscious Control Of

The Self Improvement Process
For instance, if you unconsciously hurt others to
make yourself feel better temporarily, or you say
yes to all requests from women or you dont do
the thing in a situation to trigger attraction, use
this model.
The KEY here is learning the Critical
Counterintuitive thing to do.
This is a concept that I need to apply to business,
psychology, self-improvement, our bigger-picture
systems, etc.

Its Easy To Forget

What Youre Doing

It's easy to lose sight of what you wanted when you started on
the road to success

It's easy to forget WHY you're doing what you're doing

It's easy to forget what you enjoy when you reprogram

yourself to be addicted to the outcome youre seeking (whether
its work, women, success, whatever)

Exercise:

Remember how to enjoy your life, list those things you enjoy
most

Remember how to enjoy the things you enjoy doing

Remember WHY youve chosen the path youre on, and stay in
touch with it

EXERCISE: Seeing The Difference Between

What You Want And What Makes You Happy
List 10 things you want, quickly these can be material
things, experiences, goals, whatever anything you want
for yourself
Examples might be a new car, spending more time with
your best friend or friends, or traveling more
Now write down a number from 1-10 that represents the
improvement in your life quality that the thing will bring
Notice how the things that will bring you the highest
returns arent the things that cost money theyre the
things that you just have to DO
Think about how different you will feel, act, and be if your
life were more full of those things that bring you the best
returns
Write down three things that youre going to do within the
next seven days to include more of the things that you can
do right now to make your life great

Take Personal Responsibility

Take personal responsibility for yourself, your thoughts,
your situation
Learn to see how the choices youve made have led you
to where you are
Refuse to be a victim
Value the lesson more than the experience of learning it
Refuse to give anyone the power to take your joy from
you

The Importance Of Dad,

From Robert Bly
When a boy's psyche is not in the presence of his
father, a hole forms... and hole begins to fill
automatically. Not with nice things and teddy bears...
but DEMONS it fills with demons... demons of older
men. And you don't trust the older men... you want
to shoot them down... demon's can't be killed. You
can't kill the demon. All you can do is educate him

Sudden Success Syndrome

And Resulting Resentment
When someone has a success in life, such as winning the
lottery or inheriting money, most people around them think
that all their problems should be solved
We guys tend to think that things like money, power, and
success with women should give a guy enough that he
should be happy and never complain about anything
The how would you know response
We think that the solution WE want (getting lots of money
or lots of women) would make us happy, therefore we
expect them to be happy

More

Sudden Success Syndrome

And Resulting Resentment
This is unrealistic and immature
Money, power, and success with women NEVER
solves inner problems, and NEVER creates happiness
by itself
A mature man understands that he is responsible for
his own results he is neither envious of the success
of others, angry when a successful person expresses
problems, or living in a fantasy world thinking that if
he had success in a particular area of his life that all
of his other problems would be solved

[Continued]

Your Inner World Exercise

Remember a kid from childhood that you really liked,
then one you didnt like
Remember what you liked about your dad when you
were little, remember what you didnt like
Think about what you admire in men right now, think
about what you hate
Now think about what you love about women, and
what you hate

The Circle Of Male Development

Men give away their power to women to get approval
Women don't want men who give away their power
Men keep their power, and attract women
Once a man learns how to keep his power, he
doesn't want the women he wanted before

Different Levels Of Energy

Think of these different levels: An ignition switch, a starter, a

motor, a car

If the KEY is broken, then you cannot take advantage of the

power of the starter and thus you cant take advantage of the
power of the motor, the power of the car. All of that power
becomes inaccessible over something as small as a key. The
four thousand pound piece of metal is unusable because you
dont have the four ounce piece of metal.

Leverage points like this exist in humans as well

Most people try to work on the car when theres a problem,

they dont look to see if the problem is at a different level

The energy that powers the archetypal structures may be far

lower than the energy that powers a muscle, but think of the
leverage difference

A Look At Power
Where is your own personal power based?
Is your competition with other men based in a powerful,
masculine, secure maturity or is it based in a weak,
insecure, over-compensating immaturity?
Do you respect mature, adult men and treat them as
worthy allies or adversaries, or do you secretly harbor
thoughts of superiority?
Is your ability to persuade based on whining, tyranny, or
tantrums or is it based on credibility, authenticity, and
wisdom?
Is your personal power rooted in scarcity or abundance?

Questions About Your Father

What have you not communicated to your father that
you've needed to let him know?
What have you not admitted?
What have you not said?
What has he not said to you that you've needed to
hear?
What have you always wanted to hear from him?
What have you hated hearing from him

A Thought From Robert Bly

Once you connect all of the parts of your conscious
and unconscious mind, develop yourself to a certain
level, and become authentic and transparent, youre
very likely to feel a connection to a sense of grief
inside of you
Following the grief down can become a source of
fantastic enthusiasm for life and it can lead to a
feeling of connection, groundedness, and purpose
that most men are not in touch with
Its mature to allow all of these parts of you to
connect together, wherever they may lead you

Grief Is The Doorway To Feeling

Robert Bly has taught me that grief is the doorway to feeling

In other words, to connect to your true feelings, youll probably

need to allow yourself to feel grief FIRST

Men are taught to act tough, and not show their feelings

The first feeling that comes up for many men in emotional

situations is grief but since theyve never been taught to
recognize, identify, and allow themselves to experience it, they
slam the door right there as soon as the grief starts

This effectively protects a man from his deeper feelings, because

he wont even allow the doorway to stay open

Ive had several experiences over the last few years that have led
to me feeling the unmistakable feeling of grief

Only after allowing myself to experience the grief, feel through it,
and continue downward (as Robert Bly says), have I been able to
experience other, more subtle emotions

Allow Yourself To Grieve

A mature man can grieve consciously, and know its a
healthy process
Its important to allow yourself to feel the emotion of
grief when it presents itself its a doorway to a much
richer emotional life
Where have you stopped yourself from feeling grief?
Where should you allow yourself to grieve, and find
out whats after?
What can you do so you remember to allow yourself
to feel the emotion of grief when it comes up for you?

Responding To
Emotional Imprints
We remember things that happened in the presence
of emotion
We often respond to our emotional imprints of
situations from the past than to the actual event
taking place in front of us
Becoming a man is about breaking those connections,
living in the present, and treating each situation as a
new one a new opportunity

The Biggest Challenges In Life

To Observe Yourself
To Know Yourself
To Change Yourself
To let the boy die, and the
conscious man grow in depth

Individuation

Carl Jung used the term Individuation to describe the process of

reaching your potential and becoming an integrated, mature person

When you get in touch with your Unique Ability and Personal Path in
life, then you make it a priority to stay on your path and work as
much as possible developing and focusing your Unique Ability, an
interesting cycle starts

You become more mature on a continual basis, and you begin the
process of learning similar things over and over again, but getting
different lessons from them

As you progress, develop, and integrate different aspects of your

personality, you literally evolve

The more evolved and integrated you become, the more

individuated and the more you can both see your infinite
connection with others at the same time as your individual
differences and unique combination of gifts

The power comes from being able to see both and hold both in your
mind to embrace the paradox and allow it to give you energy

The More Personal,

The More Universal
My mentor Gerry Ballinger taught me something that
he learned from his mentor that the more personal
something is to you, the more universal it probably is
Realize that each of your insecurities is common, then
be transparent its liberating
Realize that your own individuality is a gift that you
can appreciate more than anyone so appreciate it
and use it
Remember, The More Personal, The More Universal

Deserving,
Permission To Be A Man

Understand Men, Then Yourself, Then

Women, Then Individual Women
Understand men first
Understand yourself second
Understand women third
Understand the individual woman youre dealing with last
When you understand all four levels, you communicate in a
different way
Now that I have some understanding of all levels, and can
communicate this way to women that Ive just met, they
get an instant sense that we are connected and they tend
to become riveted to me
Its obvious that you get something that other men dont
get
I have a connection with women that could stand any
length of time between conversations and pick back up at
any point in the future

The Secret Language Of Manhood

When you become a man, an adult, an independent, strong man

who is on his own path, you begin to communicate differently. You
move differently, you hold yourself differently, you respond to
situations differently and you use different words

Its easy to spot people who dont get it. Its easy to spot people
who are trying to fake it. Its also easy to spot people who do get it

Great guitar players know another great guitar player by listening

to just a few notes. They also know an amateur in just a few notes

A woman knows a real man

I got this idea reading about venture capitalists (VCs) and selection
on Seth Godins website. Id send a simple letter to a VC: I have a
business that Ive built from scratch thats been profitable from the
beginning, has no debt, and is the first mover in a huge new
category. It would get their attention. I know how to communicate
with players but how?

Certainty

People like certainty

There is none in reality

If you can provide it, represent it, communicate it, youll be more attractive

If youre uncertain about what youre doing, others wont feel compelled to
follow you, theyll doubt you

People will flake, and theyll blame it on you if they feel uncertain about you

If a woman thinks youre secretly a Wussbag that you might only be

ACTING cool but underneath youre a clingy, insecure guy just waiting to
smother her, shes going to bail

If you can communicate a strong, stable, secure, masculine maturity, a

woman will be less likely to flake out on you because she has more certainty
about you

The paradox here is that its often good to tease women, play a little bit when
they ask questions, etc. You might ask How can you resolve the ideas that
you want to create certainty about who you are while at the same time youre
saying to keep her uncertain about things like what you do for a living or
where you live?

My answer is simple she wants certainty about her experience with you
that its going to be enjoyable to her not about the details of your life

Feature Your Insecurities

Until Youre Over Them
Practice making cocky jokes about them when you
first meet a woman and are flirting
This is never going to work out, youre not good at
arguing, and I overcompensate for being short by
acting arrogant so wed always argue, and Id
always win

The Feeling Of Loss

If Youre Not Necessary

Many men feel left out if a woman wants to do something alone or

with friends other than him

Get over the automatic response feeling of jealousy or loss or

sadness if shes enjoying or looking forward to enjoying doing
something without you

Cultivate ability to want to do things without HER and enjoy them

These are especially important when it comes to women you arent

already with, or women that are new in your life

This concept actually applies to all relationships in life

Its mature to allow others to live their lives and enjoy experiences
without you without you feeling that youre losing something

The other side of this coin is to allow YOURSELF to live your life and
enjoy your own experiences without the feeling that you need
others to validate your enjoyment

Mistake:
Acting based on what you
think shed think if she knew
what you were thinking

Jungs Heros Journey

The real magic of becoming a man is about
becoming a man who helps other men develop and
evolve to help them individuate

Clarity
Clarity of personal path or mission, vision, values is
attractive

Maturity Vs. Pretending,

Forethought Vs. Manipulation

A sign of a mature man is forethought (Aristotle)

Part of maturity is thinking future events all the way through

with discipline instead of guessing, wishing, and leaving
things to luck

When youve thought scenarios through, you can move forward

with strength and confidence, knowing that youve planned for
most of what could happen, and the odds are on your side

By doing this, it frees up your mind to deal with the exceptions

as they arise

With women, a mature man has thought through all the

possible situations and scenarios, and has planned accordingly

The immature, Boy-Man thinks that hes done the same, only
its not the same at all
More

Maturity Vs. Pretending,

Forethought Vs. Manipulation

The Boy-Man uses tricks and techniques to manipulate, and

only lives for the moment and instant gratification

The test you can apply anytime is simple: Ask yourself if what
youre doing feels manipulative, sneaky, or dishonest in any
way. If it does, they youre allowing the Boy-Man inside of you
to run things which will ultimately lead you to a feeling of less
fulfillment, not more

If the feeling inside of you is one of strength, authenticity, and

wanting to add to your womans life experience and joy, then
youre on the right track

Becoming A
Man Meas Giving Up:
Throwing emotional tantrums to get attention
Correcting people because you need to feel important
Disagreeing with people to show your superiority
Being a "know it all" so people will give you approval
Saying and doing things to win attention and
approval, not add value and genuinely help a
situation

Keeping Death In Mind

Keep death in mind daily
In order to do this in a way that will be helpful, youll
need to overcome fear of death, and fear of pain
leading to death
These fears are so strong because thousands of years
ago they helped us avoid things and situations that
might actually cause death
Today, almost all of those things are gone, so we can
USE the thought of death as a tool to enjoy LIFE
more

Death Does Not Have To Be Scary

When you overcome the fear of death, and the fear of
physical pain leading to death, you have now proven
to yourself that you can overcome the biggest fear in
life
Theres a level PAST overcoming your fear of death
that level is actually embracing the reality of death,
and becoming familiar with the thought
Once you do become familiar with it, and youve
addressed your issues around it, you can literally
begin to use it as a source of strength, joy, happiness

Why Death?

Because humans primarily do two things with their minds:

make meaning and ascribe value these are fundamental
activities

In order to make meaning and ascribe value, we need a

reference point to start with

Every meaning and value is relative to something (thanks,

Einstein)

When you conquer your fear of death, and keep it in the

forefront of your mind, it gives you the ultimate context for
considering everything

When compared against death, the most painful and

uncomfortable situation becomes a gift the meaning of
anything becomes positive, and every aspect of life leads to
gratitude

More

Why Death?

When considered in the context of death, lessons become clear

in all situations and you become thankful for the lessons
immediately (or even in the midst of the previously painful
process of learning by trials and tribulations)

With life as the context, death becomes a repressed, ultimately

haunting fear

With death in mind and carefully considered as the context, life

becomes joy

Read from Dying Well, notice how things feel after

[Continued]

The Heart-Connected Killer

My friend Amber Lupton spoke at my Mastery Program (which I

highly recommend), and introduced me to a concept called The
Heart-Connected Killer

At first, this doesnt make sense how can a man be connected to

his heart, and a killer at the same time?

The answer is that BOTH are inside every man the killer is in there
and the compassionate, protecting, loving man is in there too

A woman needs to feel your strength and power while shes feeling
that you are connected to your heart and emotions but she also
needs to trust that if something were to happen, you would kill to
protect her without hesitation

How can a woman tell if youre a Heart-Connected killer?

One way is to let her know that shes safe, and another is to ravish
her

What are some others?

Live Now
Remember, your body will die; embrace it and
consider it often. Then live the life YOU want to live
Take personal responsibility for your life, your
results, and your happiness
Every day, wake up, choose what you want to do
that day, and do it
Do things that get you into your body, and into the
moment

Most Men Werent

Happy Single First
Most men in relationships or marriage, did not
enter them from a place of previously being
content alone, and PREFERING not to be with a
woman then Choosing to enter into the
relationship

Build A Happy Single Life

Most men: Unhappy alone Find a woman to cling to Hold on

too tightly, give away power, destroy attraction in relationship

Switch to: Build a happy single life Prefer and choose to be

single Choose a relationship Choose a marriage or long-term
relationship

This is all about becoming a man who has such a great life in and
out that he WANTS to be single first

Make your single life so fantastic that you almost don't have time
for a relationship

Build a life that you love

Fill your life with so many things you enjoy that make your life
better that you literally have to think about how to fit a woman in

Enter a relationship to improve your already great life, not to be

your life

If you're in a relationship, build a personal life to enjoy on your

own, so you can be your best when youre with your mate

Elements Of A Healthy,
Masculine Self-Image
Self Concept
Self Assurance
Self Interest
Self Comfort

Outward Signs Of A Real Man

Comfort in the presence of...
Class, style, refinement
Beautiful women
Power and high-status people
Paradox, uncertainty
Composure in the face of...
Competition form other men
Loss or setback
Conflict or drama
Tests from women
Clear path, values, boundaries when dealing with...
Other in influential positions
Women theyre dating
Other men
Their own life

EXERCISE: Ask Yourself

What makes me uncomfortable, and whats the
underlying reason for it?
Where do I lose composure in life?
Where do I reveal a lack of clarity in my path,
values, boundaries?

Seven Virtues And Seven Vices

Love/Envy
Temperance/Gluttony
Humility/Pride
Patience/Anger
Justice/Greed
Faith/Lust
Fortitude/Sloth
Your unique combination of these virtues and
vices makes up your CHARACTER.

Qualities Of Male Maturity

A balanced perspective
An attitude of non-judgment
An understanding that everyone has a positive
intention
A powerful sense of self
An air of stability the deep root, the strong
foundation
TRUSTWORTHINESS

Breeding Distrust

Ive often wondered to myself why so many young women lead

two lives

In one life, theyre a perfect, proper, innocent daughter

In the other life, theyre a promiscuous, herd-following, twofaced, manipulative, distrusting girl-woman

Is it something natural that happens to all women at some

point in their lives?

Why is it that some women dont go through this phase, and

instead stay close and honest with their parents and
themselves?

More

Breeding Distrust

I think part of the answer might lie in the common practice of

telling daughters that doing drugs makes you go crazy, sex
isnt enjoyable and if you have it youll be a slut, and being
interested in generation gap things isnt a good idea

What happens when that girl, feeling alienated from her nonunderstanding parents, tries drugs, sex, and defiant fun
things?

Of course, she finds out that they feel GREAT which leads to
her not only thinking that her parents were lying to her and
must not love her (otherwise theyd have been honest with
her), but also that they couldnt possibly understand her

Which leads to a double life

[Continued]

Dealing With A Women

Who Has A Double Identity

As a mature man, you will encounter many attractive young

women who have these double identities

Unfortunately, most men fall into the trap of seeing only the
angel in a woman, and not seeing the other side of her
personality and even worse, not suspecting that its even
possible that it could be there

One mark of a mature man is the combination of his ability to

see and accept the reality of any and all sides of a woman, as
well as the ability to make a woman feel accepted for who she
is

Incidentally, this does not imply that a man must tolerate or

accept second-class behavior, low morals, or poor ethics
from a woman

The Concept Of
The Renaissance Man
Leonardo Da Vinci was the original Renaissance Man
Women complain that there are none left
The Renaissance Man embodies the concept of
actualizing all of the different potentials that lie
dormant in every man
It implies becoming a master of many different areas
of life, physical, logical, and emotional as well as a
habit of learning one after the other, on a lifelong
quest of self-actualization, improvement, and
enjoyment
Areas to develop include art, psychology, science,
music, philosophy, performance, etc.

Clues Youre
Dealing With A Real Man
An air of approachableness
A never let them see you sweat attitude
An unwillingness to accept second class thinking and
behavior
Mentor to younger men
Pillar of strength and security in self and values
Defender and protector of those less able to defend
and protect themselves
Encourager and challenger of those not living up to
their potential

External Qualities To Consider

Mysterious Confidence
Humor
Wit
Charm
Sophistication
Leadership
Class
Chivalry
Style
Smoothness/Grace
Comfort
Composure

The Art Of Cool

What exactly is cool?
Why is the word used so often?
It implies a temperature that is between warm and
cold which, when applied to personality or attitude,
implies neither coming on too strong, nor being
overly stand-offish
A cool person isnt too excited about anything,
isnt too affected by anything, isnt emotionally
reactive, and has control of themselves

Questions I Ask Myself A Lot

What is cool? What is square? How can I get one to
understand these and the concept of cool?
How can a "square" learn to act "cool"?
What is cool? How can I describe the transition? What
is the way?
Remember: A cool guy can interact with squares and
other cool people comfortably whereas a square
cannot do the same

Elements Of Cool:

Off-beat sense of humor

Sense of style, music, food, culture

Laid back and unaffected by the opinions of others

Not a suit, not a square, not a cone-head, not a nerd

Causal dress, the dirty but not too trendy thing

Not obsessed with proper grammar enjoys modern, hip words

and terms

Calm confidence can pose a little, has that composure

Can make fun of themselves

Doesnt act above others

Independent, encourages independence in others

Assumes a cool connection with others by leaning head back as a

greeting, saying hey, whats up?, whats goin on?, etc.

Feeling Different
Ways Of Saying Hello
Surface Hello, how are you smiling
Insecure Oh, um, hi there
Cool guy Whats up head back
Sly smile lean head back slowly no words

Sexual Confidence

Sexual confidence is a key to being a "naturally attractive" man

Sexual confidence means knowing that a woman will have an

experience with you that she'll never forget

Sexual confidence comes from understanding the psychology and

physiology - the physical, logical, and emotional aspects - knowing
how to touch, how to kiss, how to create anticipation, how to
pleasure, fully get pleasure, ravish

The key is that an inner sexual confidence that comes from

knowing you can blow a woman's mind in bed affects ALL of your
communication

It literally colors everything from the way you hold yourself to the
way you look at a woman to the words you use when talking

When you have it, women respond very differently to you, see you
differently, and often become somewhat anxious and excited about
you

Make it a point to learn to be an incredible lover, and cultivate

Sexual Confidence

Real Man
Accepts things as they are fully, no judgment - then
sets out to change them
Can show his sword without killing people / using it
Doesn't need or use threats
Is the pillar of strength, security, protection in every
situation
Allows, encourages, enjoys when others shine, win
and progress
Needs nothing external to be happy

Giving All Of Yourself

Indiscriminately Will Kill Attraction
The message that a woman gets when you obviously
offer everything to her is that you arent the most
important person in your life SHE is
Keep a part of yourself off limits and totally
unavailable to women
If you want to maintain the attraction, dont hand
over the keys and the pink slip just let her enjoy the
feeling of being able to be near that deep masculinity

Set A Boundary With Her As

Soon As Possible
Setting boundaries with women (when its used
correctly) establishes leadership, status, and
masculinity
Set boundaries in a playful, fun way, but also set
them when it comes to serious issues as well dont
hesitate to set a boundary if a woman is playing
games
Say "no" to something she wants
Push her away when shes trying to hug you

Be The Star, Not The Planet

Most men behave like planets looking for a star to orbit
Be the star - a centered man that women want to orbit
When you become so rock-solid internally and so mature
that no random woman can affect you, then you begin to
affect THEM.
You lose your concern with what she thinks of you, which
frees up your mind, emotions, communication channels,
and behavior to be yourself.
The positive aspect is that it makes you far more
transparent and authentic the negative is that if you dont
have your inner game together and your immature boy
nature dealt with, THAT will shine through and reveal
things that will hurt you

When Women
Can Feel Your Masculinity
Sometimes a woman will sense your powerful male
energy and say Wow, youre pretty confident in
yourself or make mention of some aspect of you
thats too masculine
A man who is on his path or purpose and being
himself will see this as a positive sign, not a
negative one

Feedback From
Real Men On Being A Man
I asked some of my male friends who I respect tremendously
to answer the following three questions:
1) What is the one most important thing a man can do to
grow up and become a mature, self-directed, fulfilled
adult man a man who has integrity, a sense of purpose,
and a strong sense of his place in the world?
2) What does a man need to let go of in order to cross the
bridge into true adulthood?
3) What are the qualities that a man should develop in himself
in order to become a real man a pillar and example for
younger men and how can he develop these qualities?
I received five sets of answers, and I want to share them with
you

1) What is the one most important thing a man can do to grow up and
become a mature, self-directed, fulfilled adult man a man who has
integrity, a sense of purpose, and a strong sense of his place in the
world?

1)

1 I feel that a man "grows up" when he accepts responsibility for his
future and turns his attention to what is good for God, Country,
Family, and friends instead of himself. I guess the "one most
important thing" would be accepting responsibility.

2)

2 Understand his intrinsic self worth, and find an unrelenting passion

about something.
It doesnt matter how insignificant it is and could be personal,
professional, or relational (family, child, etc.). However, he should not
let himself be defined by this thing or relationship; just his intrinsic
passion, value and worth in himself.

3)
4 One of my favorite snippets of wisdom about this subject is from
Keen (author of the bestselling book "Fire In The Belly - On Being
4) Sam
A Man"). He said the best piece of advice he ever got about being a
3 Join a TEAM, as in sports, job, church, community, or mastermind
group, in which there are other MORE mature mentors.

man was: "There are only two questions a man must ask himself:
The first is "Where am I going?" and the second is "Who will go with
me?" If you ever get these questions in the wrong order you are in
trouble."

1) What is the one most important thing a man can do to grow up and
become a mature, self-directed, fulfilled adult man a man who has
integrity, a sense of purpose, and a strong sense of his place in the
world?

4)

What this means to me is if you focus on who will go with you first,
you're in big trouble. But if you focus on where you are going, you'll
have people lined up to go with you. SO the MOST IMPORTANT thing
a man can do to "grow up" etc... is to KNOW WHERE HE'S GOING...
and in order to do this, he needs to TAKE FULL RESPONSIBILITY FOR
HIS OWN DESTINY...
And since most men have no idea where they're going, what their
purpose is and what they want to achieve with their lives, that's the
place to START if he's wants to improve his situation in life (e.g. Doing
some deep soul searching, then putting down ON PAPER his goals,
dreams, standards, timelines etc)..
I've completed tons of exercises like this (Tony Robbins, Mankind
Project etc.) and have found them very helpful... particularly the one's
that force you to look at your SHADOWS... You might get some
interesting "Robert Bly-esque" insights from the CONFIDENTIAL
attachment (Warriors 7 Stages Of Man) I've included from the "New
Warrior Training Adventure

[Continued]

More

1) What is the one most important thing a man can do to grow up and
become a mature, self-directed, fulfilled adult man a man who has
integrity, a sense of purpose, and a strong sense of his place in the
world?

5)

In my opinion the single most important thing a man can do to

"grow up" and become mature is to have children. The care of children
and the fulfillment of their needs (which are continuous, obnoxious,
and completely self centered on the child's "me,me,me") makes one
grow up in a hurry. In addition, the absolute requirement to take care
and support the children is so overwhelming that one has to change
from youth to adult in a short period of time. Of course there are
many positives and negatives about having children to begin with, and
many parents are not very good at "being a parent".
With regards to the rest of the question, here is where we get into
the "purpose" of life. I will try to answer some of it by answering the
other two questions.

[Continued]

2) What does a man need to let go of in order to cross the bridge into
true adulthood?

1)

I believe a man must let go of the baggage in his past to become an

adult. Yesterday is gone, today is already here, there is only the
future. A man looks to the future.

Overcome Himself! He has to let go the chains of his need for

2) approval/attention
from others.
He has to let go of "scarcity" thinking, "victim" thinking, which are
3) all boy-like ways of thought
I was hoping I wouldn't have to go here... however, since you
4) asked...
A man needs to let go of trying to please MOMMY (and all female

figures) and take his balls back (and everything that entails) in order
to truly become a MAN...
A great crash course on this in my humble opinion is the "New Warrior
Training Adventure" Weekend... (more about this at
www.mankindproject.org)

5)

I think that in order to be an adult you need to not only let go of

things but reprogram yourself. Things you need to let go of are first
and foremost - THE NEED TO BE DEPENDENT. Easier said than done.
It may require total reprogramming depending on your upbringing,
parents etc.
More

2) What does a man need to let go of in order to cross the bridge into
true adulthood?

5)

First you need to be able to feel inside (the Tao of Steve kind of
feeling) that you are able to take care of yourself regardless of the
circumstances. By the way, most women NEVER lose their
dependency on father, husband, Federal Government.....Those people
who are not able to BELIEVE that they are independent become losers
forever, always blaming others for their problems.
The second stage of course, is to develop skills that allow you to be
independent. This applies to money, business, women - everything.
Don't forget: all people are SURVIVORS, but only women take credit
for that. (I used this rare opportunity to show some heart felt disgust
for women, who by some bad luck we need too much).

[Continued]

3) What are the qualities that a man should develop in himself in order to
become a real man a pillar and example for younger men and how
can he develop these qualities?

1)

I believe the qualities a true man should develop include honesty,

fidelity, loyalty, compassion, empathy, and humility, but most of all, a
sense of thankfulness and wonderment for all that is right and good
with the world.

2)

He has to be himself and be comfortable with that, whatever it is.

I would also say, he should not be trying to be an example for
others, as this naturally perturbs his pure ethos of being. Similar to
Plato, his goal should be to live justly and prudently. To push this a
bit further, even Plato hints it was Socrates ego/arrogance that got
him executed, rather than exiled.
How do you develop this? Whew, oh yea, this is easy:
- An unrelenting drive for evolution; as opposed to a quest for
perfection. Vince Lombardi has a nice quote about this: Perfection in
unattainable. . .however, I do expect excellence. . .).
- The unexamined life is not worth living - Plato
If you cant measure it, you cant mange it. He must simply become
more self-aware and understand why he does the things he does, both
positive and negative.
- Define his passion, personal utility and his unique personal
competency. Avoid defining himself by actions and personality.
More

3) What are the qualities that a man should develop in himself in

order to become a real man a pillar and example for younger
men and how can he develop these qualities?

2)

Pooh just is Tao of Pooh

You would never find Winnie in a transcendental gibbering mess. Hed
be the guy bringing Eeyore a pot of honey, in an attempt to get the
poor bastard to snap out of it. . .all whilst Piglet is franticly racing
around trying to figure out if he is doing it right looking to Owl, and
others for external approval. In short, dont do. . .BE!
- Lastly I would say: Patience and balance. Not to be trite; however,
He needs to understand this is a process and not a destination. By
forgiving himself for his past in- action and poor execution; he
becomes a self-directed student of life again, returning to his
childhood curiosity in the body of a man; and knows himself for the
first time. . .

3)

All that has been called "High Character", which historically have
only been available from two sources: in ancient times, the study of
either philosophy or theology, and in modern times, these both have
evolved into PSYCHOANALYSIS and ORGANIZED RELIGION instead.
Since one's parents would be the ideal source, yes that is true, but the
only way to have community CONSENSUS on the quality of "teaching"
by parents, is with either psychoanalysis or organized religion backing
their parenting.

[Continued]

More

3) What are the qualities that a man should develop in himself in

order to become a real man a pillar and example for younger
men and how can he develop these qualities?

4)

The qualities I think a man should develop in himself are courage,

sense of adventure, discipline/strength/integrity, curiosity (fascination
with learning, growing, evolving), compassion for others and desire to
contribute/make a difference
He can develop these qualities by
1) Seeking a mentor/mentors to MODEL
2) "Being the change that he seeks"
3) Surrounding himself with like-minded individuals

5)

I believe that in order to feel successful you have to be true and

honest to yourself. You have to be ethical, not necessarily according to
other people's belief, but through your self generated set of ethical
matrix. Of course, such ethics are very much influenced by others.
You also need to know that you are doing the best you know how that way whether you succeed or fail you can not blame it on your
lack of effort - the ability to generate effort, although partially
genetic, is one of the only attributes that are greatly influenced by
your environment. In general, you can not succeed without exerting
tremendous amount of energy and effort. A "real man" will certainly
know who he is, believe in his own ability (even if not boundless), be
ethical and know that that image is projected through his selfconfidence and behavior. Other people (especially men) are attracted
to the combination of elements projected by the "Real Man".

[Continued]

Stay On Your Course

The Laws Of Success With Women

1) Accept everything the way it is.
2) Go to work on yourself, not women.
3) Move your frame of reference inside.
4) Become a fascinating person.
5) Make your territory yours.
6) See yourself as "high status."
7) Stop seeking approval.
8) Stop giving approval to get it.
9) Stop trading status for approval.
10) Learn how to read situations before acting or
communicating.
11) Keep doing what works and stop doing what
doesnt work.
More

The Laws Of Success With Women

12) Put yourself in the path of attractive women.
13) Stop trying to impress women.
14) Stop apologizing.
15) Become selfish so you can become generous.
16) Keep your composure always.
17) Learn how to turn a woman on mentally,
emotionally, and physically.
18) Learn the entire mating process of humans in
detail.
19) Lead.
20) Prove to yourself over and over that you can
deal with "rejection, and that it and other
things like it only make you stronger.
[Continued]

More

The Laws Of Success With Women

21) Surround yourself with success models, and
eliminate failure models.
22) Learn how to tell an interesting story about
anything.
23) Learn how to use Cocky Comedy.
24) Learn how to dress and groom yourself well.
25) Make friends with attractive women by
becoming a guy women like being around.
26) Learn to sacrifice short-term gratification for
long-term success.
27) Dont whine, bitch, or complain.
28) Learn how to always enjoy yourself, no matter
what's happening.
29) Value yourself and your time more than any
woman.
[Continued]

More

The Laws Of Success With Women

30) Develop your awareness.
31) Learn to control your emotions.
32) Let her problems be her problems.
33) Don't try to control her by supporting her or
giving her money.
34) Behave as if you have 100 women calling you
every day to see you.
35) Learn to identify status by communication and
body language instantly.
36) Become an expert on your own self deception
habits.
37) Stop idealizing women.
38) Stop idealizing relationships.
[Continued]

More

The Laws Of Success With Women

39) Know your purpose or path in life, and stay on it.
40) Focus more of your time and effort on learning,
and less on doing.
41) Constantly improve yourself.
42) Stop projecting your strengths and weaknesses
onto others.
43) Set up your life so you're constantly meeting
interesting, attractive, available women.
44) Evict your inner Wussy.
45) Get in touch with your personal path or purpose,
and stay on it always.
46) Create useful habits and eliminate destructive or
negative habits.
[Continued]

More

The Laws Of Success With Women

47) Be honest, ethical, and authentic always.
48) Look past the content to see the true meaning
of what's going on.
49) Recognize when you're losing control of yourself
50) Engage her emotions and body, not her mind.
51) Don't behave in a boring or predictable way.
52) Make yourself into the most interesting person
a woman has ever met.
53) Turn everything into an adventure.
54) Convince yourself that what's about to happen
is going to be unbelievably fun, then convince
her of it.
55) Always act and communicate in a way that
leaves her wanting to know more, feel more,
and do more.
[Continued]

More

The Laws Of Success With Women

56) Surround yourself with success models,
whether they be in person, in books, on audio,
or on video.
57) When you hit a challenge, go back to the basics.
58) Focus on the core skills and your deep inner
game, and the techniques will take care of
themselves.
59) When you find yourself losing power with a
woman, stop, step back, and wait until she
calls you - pull the needle out of your arm
immediately.
60) Always have three female friends around you
that are very similar to the type of woman
you want to meet.
61) Every day, find your center, become
centered, then make yourself the center.
[Continued]

More

The Laws Of Success With Women

62) When you find something she really likes,
stop, pull back, and make her really want it
before you tease her with a little more.
63) Become fanatical about every detail of your
health, hygiene, dress, style, posture, voice
tone...
64) Eliminate every nervous tick, gesture, facial
expression, and unconscious response to
challenges from women.
65) Objectify your demons so you control them
instead of them controlling you.
66) Become unbelievably honest, authentic,
direct, and blunt when it's time to be direct.
67) Accept and embrace transition anxiety as an
opportunity to see things from a beginner's
perspective automatically.
[Continued]

More

The Laws Of Success With Women

68) Untangle past, present, and future...
Physical, logical, and emotional... Short,
medium, and long-term gratification... Fear
of something and the actual event... And
other non-useful combinations.
69) Learn to enjoy the process of learning more
than the actual result of the learning.
70) Teach others every great thing you learn
immediately.
71) Eliminate failure by learning from it.
72) Compare your progress and success only to
yourself, not others.
73) Evolve constantly and consciously always
seek the next level and paradigm.
[Continued]