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FIFE CAUGHT WITH A PIE IN HIS FACE by
Last
night,
Sheriff
Andy
Griffin,
responded
to
a
disturbance call around 10:59
pm. It appeared that the
neighbors heard an odd noise
coming from Gomers station.
Since, Gomer himself locks up
the gas station at 6pm each
night (he needs to be home for
supper at 6:05), the neighbors
found it odd to hear any
noises coming from a locked
up gas station. At 11:05 pm,
Sheriff Griffin responded to
the call. According to the
police report, when Sherriff
Griffin arrived at the scene, he
noticed the back lights on in
the gas station and therefore,
proceeded to the back door.
As he got closer, he heard
grumbling. At this point, it was

Windy Bailey

too late to call for back up and

because he opts not to carry a
gun, Sheriff Griffin grabbed
the first thing he could
possibly use for a weapon, a
tire iron and proceeded to
open the back door. He
shouted POLICE! Put your
hands up! Only to find that
his trusted Deputy, Barney
Fife, was sitting at Gomers
back table eating a bunch of
Aunt Bees pies Fife had
stolen earlier that day! Sheriff
Griffin stripped Deputy Fife, of
his beloved firearm and placed
him on modified assignment.
It is not yet know if either
Gomer or Aunt Bee will be
pressing charges

PIES STOLEN FROM SHERIFFS HOME

BY: RONA WELLS

It was a sad day in Mayberry. The annual town fair and pie eating contest was going to take place on
Saturday afternoon at 3:00 p.m. Aunt Bee made five blueberry pies. (And, we all know about how good
Aunt Bees pies are). The pies were baked on Friday and left on the counter to cool. Aunt Bee made
dinner for Opie and Andy, watched some television and went on to bed. Sheriff Andy Taylor said he

closed the doors and windows and saw all the pies on the counter. He was tempted to cut a piece, but
he knew Aunt Bee would be very unhappy, to say the least, so he closed the kitchen light and went to
bed. In the morning, Sheriff Taylor told this reporter, that he heard Aunt Bee scream from the kitchen.
Andy and Opie both ran downstairs to see what happened. They found Aunt Bee looking at five empty
pie plates. She was beside herself. Aunt Bee questioned Opie and Andy if they ate the pies. She was
so mad that she even looked in their bedrooms. Aunt Bee could not believe that five pies could just
disappear. She made Andy visit everyone who knew she made the pies and interrogate them and see
if there was any blueberry evidence left behind. Andy went to Thelma Lous house first and told her
what happened. She could not believe it and, no, there was no evidence of eaten blueberry pie. Andy
asked Deputy Barney Fife to help with the search. They paid a visit to Floyd at the barber shop and
Goober and Gomer at the gas station. They even went as far as tracking down Otis (our town drunk),
but no one knew about the pies. Poor Aunt Bee! She did not want to let the contestants down, so with
the help of Thelma Lou, five more pies were made. Since, it was almost 3:00, time of the contest, Aunt
Bee, Thelma Lou, Andy and Opie brought the new pies to the contest. Since there was no time to
clean up the mess in the kitchen, Aunt Bee said they would clean when they came home. However,
when they got home cleaning the kitchen was not a priority. The priority now was getting a family of
raccoons: mom, dad and four babies off the counter that contained all the remnants from the new
blueberry pies. Moral of this story: when you check to see if every window and door is locked before
you retire for the evening make sure you include the doggie door!
IS MAYBERRY

BREAKING BAD? By
Amber Hao- Kaawaloa

Deputy Barnie Fife is

enjoying his hot pastrami

sandwich at the local diner
and all of a sudden he
sees Goober and Gomer
from the filling station in
the alley just standing
there all suspicious like...it
is about 10:00 pm and the
filling station has long
closed. "Why would they
be in the alley way this
late at night?" Fife
thought. He gobbled up
his sandwich and went to
go sit in his car to see
what they were up to and
all of a sudden Thelma
Lou owner of Happy

Cakes bakery comes

lurking out of the
darkness, Gomer and
Goober cringe appearing
to be scared of Thelma
Lou. Thelma Lou is one is
one the sweetest ladies in
town so it was more than
strange that these two
toughies were scared of
little Miss Thelma Lou.
EEEEEEKKKKK!!!
Thelma Lou just smacked
Goober right across the
face!!!! "What is
happening? I need to get
a closer look and hear
what they are saying!" Fife
said to himself. Fife hid
behind the bush and
heard Thelma Lou say
"What happened to the

shipment? Where did my

goods go to? I swear if
you bozos messed this up
for me.....ahhhhhhh!" Fife
couldn't believe what he
was hearing so he jumped
out of the bush and told
everyone to put their
hands up! Thelma Lou
screamed in shock
dropped a pill bottle that
was in her hand and froze,
Gomer and Goober put
their hands up and out
popped a pouch from
Goobers pocket. Fife
quickly snatched it,
opened it up and it was
something weird that
looked like rock candy but
grainier. WAS THERE
DRUGS IN THE TOWN

OF MAYBERRY? Fife
arrested them and took
them down to the station,
nothing was adding
up...Thelma Lou is so
sweet and would never
hurt a soul, Gomer and
Goober have never
committed a crime I
thought never would. Fife
took Thelma Lou into the
investigating room and
she said "It's not what you
think, I promise." Thelma
Lou explained that she
suffers from bipolar
disorder and the pill bottle
she dropped was her
medication, she was
under so much stress with
the shipment of exotic
sugar being imported from
Spain that Goober and
Gomer were supposed to
take care of that she forgot
to take her medication and
resulted in her slapping
Goober which she feels
horrible about. Fife talked
with Goober and Gomer
and the stories matched
up...just a big case of
misunderstanding and just
another day in the small
town of Mayberry

MAYBERRY
PLAGUED BY
MISCHEVIOUS TIME
TRAVELLERS by
Alexander Truman

The fair, quiet

community of
Mayberry was
disrupted late last
Thursday when a
large, green, swirling
vortex appeared in
the side of the
Bluebird Diner and
two people stepped
out of it. One was
identified after a
much difficulty as
Rick Sanchez, a
balding, elderly man
in brown slacks and
a white lab coat, and
the other was Marty
Smith, his grandson.
While much of the
town was in a panic
about what to do
regarding the
swirling portal that
whisked off three
cats and even Otis
Campbell, Rick made
his way to Aunt Bee's
house, where he
proceeded to
disintegrate her front
door, leaving only
ashes in its wake. At
this point, Marty
seemed to grow
increasingly
unnerved by the turn
of events, but Rick
pressed onward.
Aunt Bee herself
attempted to stop
the two, but was

flash frozen by yet

another device
carried by the elderly
man. When asked
why he was causing
this mayhem, he
stated that he
needed as many jars
of Aunt Bee's
kerosene cucumbers
as he could carry,
and that the layman
would be "too
*expletive* stupid to
understand". Before
the police could
arrive on the scene,
the dangerous duo
returned to their
swirling portal and it
promptly closed
behind them. The
sheriff's department
has not released any
further details
regarding this case

ICE CREAM THIEF

A thief is among us!

Having the lowest crime
rate in the country,
Mayberry has never been
known for any kind of
wrongdoing.
Unfortunately, this
weekend something out of
the ordinary happened.
After church service
ended early Sunday
morning, a call was placed
to the Mayberry Police
regarding a missing ice

cream cone at Lickity Split

Ice Cream Parlor, right
across from Mayberry
Lake. The phone call woke
up the sheriff from his nap,
and startled him like no
other. Sheriff Rog jumped
up and ran to the

The Car Wheel

Thief: by Seemab Akter

The Breaking News!

Today in Mayberry the

most unusual thing
happened. It was Monday
Night around 9:30 p.m.
when Sheriff David went
for grocery shopping at
the Wal-Mart. He parked
his brand new red color
BMW in the handicapped
parking and went inside
Wal-Mart. After, he

finished grocery shopping

he came back to his car
and sat inside to go back
home, when he started his
car and tried to reverse
out of the parking lot, he
noticed that the car was
not moving and making
some weird noises. He
step out of his car and
saw that two of his cars
wheels were missing. The
car wheel thief had stolen
Sherif David's wheels. The
wheels on his car were
worth $10,000. The police
is investigating and have
arrested two homeless
because they seemed
very suspicious. Please
help the police find Sherif
David's BMW wheels. If
you have any information
call 783-794-8479 right

away. Reward will be

given in the amount of
$1000!

Crime scene. When

he got there, all he saw

around him was a bunch
of families in their Sunday
best. Sheriff Rog got a
brief description of the
culprit from the owner, but
all she remembered was
that the thief couldn't have
been more than 3' tall, had
pigtails, and tiny feet.

If you or anybody you

know has any information

on this incident, please
contact Ice Cream Crime
Stoppers at (123) 4567890. Let's keep Mayberry
sweet!