Sunday, June 14

Editor: Kathleen Jacot

By Amanda Hoffman
A rash of thefts have been reported starting 6 months ago. The first was at Old Man
Higgin's farm when his grandson, Abe, reported that his football was missing. Since then 15
footballs, 12 baseballs, some tennis balls and even a volley ball have been reported missing
across town. Continued pg. 3
information about Bessie, Opie's missing prize
pig!!
By Sasha Waters
This Tuesday Floyd recently opened up a new
barbershop and needed workers because of the
crazy amount of business he was receiving.
Everyone was so excited because this was the
first real barbershop in Mayberry. One day
Floyd seen a man and started up a
conversation, he later found the mans name
was Otis and that Otis'
wife had left him
because he had no job
and no money. Floyd
knew Otis was the right
man and offered him a
job. Continued pg 3

By Laurie Leseney
In the wee morning hours of June 9th, long
before the first rooster roosted, Opie made a
terrible discovery! It was like any other morning
when Opie went out to feed and look after his
pig and that is when he discovered she had
vanished overnight! His prize pig Bessie was
missing! Bessie! His friend, his world,
was...Bessie was missing! Thinking about the
hours, days, months, and years that he had
spent with his friend Bessie the pig has just
been too much for Opie. That is why we are
making a public plead to please bring Bessie
home to Opie! Please call 555-1212 with any
information or tips. There is a $5.00 reward for

By April Gonzalez
The cow tipping crime wave Mayberry
has been experiencing has finally come to an
end. In the wee hours of Sunday morning a man
was apprehended circling the Smiths cattle
ranch at the edge of town. The man
prematurely confessed to his crimes during
questioning, but has yet to be officially charged,
he has been identified as Steve Saladino, a
vagrant from unknown whereabouts. When
Sheriff Griffith was asked about questioning the
suspect he replied Well, I done asked him why
on earth he felt the hankerin to tip those cows?
And alls he said was Cause there werent no
sheep. I was afraid of where that line of
questioning might lead so I changed the
subject. The man will be held in the county jail
without bail until his arraignment.

By Belia Rasmussen
In the town of
Mayberry, nine year
Timmy goes on
strike because he
doesnt want to do
his homework (part
of the strike also
includes not drinking

milk). He complains that geography wont help

him become a sheriff when he is older. His
mother and father try to encourage him to like
geography by presenting him with a map of
their town. Instead, he uses it to create a paper
airplane. After a week of Timmys behavior, his
mother begins to worry. She believes that he
will not obtain a good education and that his
bones will weaken because he hasn't drunken
any milk. In attempt to stop Timmys nonsense,
his parents tell him that he will not be able to
become a sheriff if he continues his strike
because sheriffs need to have strong bones and
have a good education. Timmy went into panic;
he had never realized what damage it would
cause to his aspirations. That was the day
Timmy decided he would do his homework and
drink lots of milk. Now his parents can sleep
pleasantly.

By Ashley Metcalfe
Late Thursday night,
sometime after dinner
around the 1300 block
of West Mayberry
Corner, three men
were spotted acting
suspicious. Buck, local
resident, was first to spot these young fellers
and called the sheriffs office immediately.
Buck had reported that it appeared that these,
younguns looked as if they were fixn to be up
to no good. Sherriff Homer told buck to
skedaddle home and let him handle it. Buck
told Sheriff Homer, I reckon if I had my
druthers, those younguns be gettin a switch
across they behinds! After the sheriff arrived
on the scene, he discovered the boys were
using flashlights to compare facial hair. He sent
the boys home and warned them not to be out
past dinner again.

By Tracy Giza
Deputy Barney Fife informed local barber
Floyd (while cutting his hair), who in turn told
this reporter that Sheriff Taylor was holding a
suspicious character in the jail house. They are
suspected of stealing a pie off Aunt Bees
window sill. When asked about the suspect, the
sheriff said that he had merely asked Kevin
James (who was said to be traveling through
Mayberry) to stop by the Sheriffs office for
some pie. Sheriff Taylor thought he might get
some insight on police work since he heard that
Kevin James had played a cop in a movie. Aunt
Bee was supposed to bring over her famous
blueberry pie but arrived out of breath and
flabbergasted. Barney arrived on the scene only
to hear Its been taken! Otis, having been in
lock up for the evening, said he saw Opie with
blue teeth, but no one believed him. The
Sheriffs office is still investigating. Kevin James
has been no help.

By Victoria Ehlers
Good morning Mayberry, or should I say late
morning?!! The town rooster has been stolen!
An all persons bulletin reward has been posted
to all the neighboring townships and the
sheriffs deputies are all out in masse to capture
the person behind such a heinous and evil
crime! Factories and farms suffered for more
than three hours when the local farm hands
were not woken up by a call to work today and
missed the most crucial hours of their shifts. It
is rumored that the criminal responsible will be
the only one awake when the dawn rises; so as
a shout-out to all the farmers and helping farm
hands, please, for the sake of the town, be at
work when you are supposed to be. In these
dark times, please help and watch out for each
other.

Sheriff Andy and Deputy Fife could find no evidence to shed any light on the mystery or lead to the
identity of the thieves or the motive. All of the incidents have taken place after nightfall and no one has
seen a thing. The only clue relating these crimes has been small pieces of leather, ripped from the balls,
that have been discovered nearby covered with dirt and slobber.
A break in the case came last night, when Opie Taylor got a bite on the trap that he set to possibly catch
the thieves. Knowing there has been a bulletin warning our community to not leave our sports balls and
equipment outside after sunset, Opie purposely left his footballs
and baseballs outside the last few nights. He strung a wire across
the yard with a bell on it and last night around 9 pm, the bell
sounded. Opie and the sheriff ran out to find Thelma Lou's dog,
Max. They surrounded him and escorted him home without a
fight. In the barn they uncovered a large stash of sports balls. It
seems that Bobby, Thelma Lou's nephew, was here for the
summer and one of his favorite pastimes was playing catch with
Max. Bobby has been hoping to get on his school football team
back home and used the football the most. Evidently, Max has
been missing their daily games and has been looting balls
everywhere he could find. The Sheriff and Deputy Fife, have
returned the retrieved balls to the rightful owners. No charges
have been filed. However, Sheriff Andy did warn Thelma Lou it
would be wise to play with Max more often.

Little did Floyd know, the reasoning behind why Otis' wife left was because he is a drunk and can't keep
a job. Otis showed up ready to work and reeking of alcohol but being that Floyd needed help he didn't
pay that any mind. A man sat down in Otis' chair and boy was he excited to have his first customer! He
listened to the man explain the type of haircut he wanted and said "Okay, I can do that no problem!"
Then, BUZZ! A huge chunk of hair gone! The man moved, a little uncomfortable from the sound he
heard but didn't say anything. Otis just cut all the mans hair off and the man left out angrily. Floyd was
too busy to notice. After a few days, the same thing kept happening. Otis was so drunk he couldn't hold
the clippers correctly and kept shaving everyone's heads. Deputy Barnie Fife was patrolling one morning
and heard about the opening of the shop and said he was going to make his way over on his break.
"Don't waste your money Deputy! That Floyd is going to go out of business in no time!" The man walked
away mumbling and Deputy Barnie didn't understand why he'd say something so horrible about a man
and his business. Mayberry was a town where everyone supported each other. So, he went in anyway
and to his luck, he sat down in Otis the drunks chair. "Just take a little off the top" "Okay", said Otis.
"BUZZ!"
Minutes after Deputy Barnie walked furiously over to Floyd. "Get that drunk out of here this instant!"

Dear Frustrated 6th Grader,

By: Diana Garzona
Aunt Bee was going to cater for the towns
parade tomorrow, but she has lost her cooking
book! She thinks she misplaced it at the
Weavers Department Store last night. When
she went back this morning to look for it she
couldnt find it. Now she wont be able to make
any food or desserts for the Twilight Christmas
Parade. We need the communitys help in
finding this cooking book; if we dont find it
Christmas will be ruined for everyone this year.
Book description: large red book, has oil stains
on the front, has powder finger prints inside the
pages, chocolate spots on the back and spells
like roughen eggs. Please, if you have any
information on this missing cooking book call 188-MAYBERRY. Thank You Mayberry Town we
are all counting on you to find this book.

Reward: 100 of Aunt Bees world famous

chocolate chip walnut cookies!

By Veronica Arias
Dear Abby, There's this boy in my classroom
that sits next to me. He behaves very awkward
and rude. He's always throwing my papers to
the ground, purposely pushing my chair as I sit,
and he elbows me. Then he makes this popping
noise while we work quietly. Picks his nose and
wipes the boogers on me sometimes. I've told
my teacher about it but it seems to upset him
more and continues to be awkward and to do
more mean things to me . How do I confront
him without coming off aggressive? HELP! FRUSTRATED 6TH GRADER

The best way to confront him is to politely let

him know how you feel about his behavior. Let
him know how distracting his behavior is to
focus on your classwork when working quietly,
also his behavior around you in general. Let him
know that it is rude to be pushed around and
that you don't appreciate it. Explain to him,
"How would you feel I behaved the same with
you and you didn't like it? And I continued after
being asked to stop?" Sometimes people just
need to realize what it would feel like to be in
their shoes. If that doesn't work, maybe you
should speak to his parents. Find an agreement
with each other first. Suggest being a friend or
helping him with classwork/homework.
Sometimes this type of behavior occurs when
students have a hard time learning and let their
frustrations out on someone else. There is
hope! ABBY

Our town of Mayberry looked like a ghost town

last week when almost every resident was
arrested on counts ranging from jaywalking to
disturbing the peace. It all started with a typo
on the recent election ballot, which named
Barney Fife as running for Sheriff instead of
Andy Griffith who everyone thought they were
voting for since Barney Fife is his sworn deputy.
Barney believing that he had actually been
elected as the town sheriff decided he would
pursue even the smallest infractions to the
fullest extent of the law. Spurred on by an
enlarged ego and a new found sense of purpose
(however misplaced). The Sheriff decided to
do away with fines all together believing that
rehabilitation by arrest should be the new
default. Eventually the typo was brought to
light but not until every resident was booked
and locked up. Everything is back to normal
today now that Sheriff Fife is back to being
Deputy Fife and Andy is back to work.