Tieck - Puss in Boots (Play)

Puss in Boots
A F a i r y -T a l e f o r C h i l d r e n
In Three Acts
With
Intervals, Prologue and Epilogue
by
LUDWIG TIECK
Translated by Wikisource
Puss in Boots (Tieck)/Act 1/Scene 1
Schlosser
But it was as though there was an actual cat before our very eyes.
Leutner
Quiet! The scene is changing.
Notes
[1] Hinze uses the polite form of an inferior (Ihr) when addressing Gottlieb.
[2] From this point on, Hinze employs the familiar form of equals (du) when addressing Gottlieb.
Puss in Boots (Tieck)/Prologue

Prologue
The scene is laid in the pit. The candles have been lit; the musicians are gathered in the orchestra. The theatre is
full; there is a bedlam of chatter; more members of the audience are arriving; several are pushing, others are
complaining. The musicians are tuning their instruments.
__________
Fischer, Mller, Schlosser, Btticher are in the pit; Wiesener and Wiesener's Neighbor are on the other side of the
pit.
Fischer
Say, but I'm curious, Mller, what is your opinion of these contemporary plays?
Mller
I think the sky will fall in before we are likely to see such a play at our great theatre our National Theatre! Indeed!
Think of all the periodicals, the sumptuous costumes, and the endless expenses!
Fischer
Are you familiar with this piece?
Mller
Not at all. A strange title that: Puss in Boots. I do hope they're not going to perform the children's play.
Schlosser
Is it perhaps an opera?
Fischer
Anything but. The bill says: A Children's Fairy-Tale.
Schlosser
A fairy-tale? For Heaven's sake, they must think we are mere children if that's the sort of piece they are going to put
on? They surely won't bring an actual cat onto the stage, will they?
Fischer
As far as I can make out, it's an imitation of The New Arcadians.[1] The villain of the piece is a monstrous cat, a sort
of Tarkaleon,[2] except that his mouth is black rather than red.
Mller
Now that wouldn't be bad, for it has long been my desire to see such a wonderful opera without music for once.
Fischer
What? Without music! Such a thing would be absurd without music, my dear friend. I assure you, dear Sir, it is only
when such absurdities are seasoned with the heavenly art of music that we can swallow them at all. Strictly speaking,
of course, we are beyond such childish nonsense, such superstition. The Enlightenment has borne its natural fruits, as
is right and proper.
Mller
It may turn out to be a traditional portrait of domestic life, and the cat is just a joke, a sort of enticing jest, so to
speak; an inducement, if I may call it that; a bizarre title to attract a crowd.
Schlosser
To tell you my honest opinion, I take the whole thing to be a trick to spread certain opinions and sentiments among
the people. You'll see if I'm not right. A revolutionary play, as far as I can see, with egregious princes and ministers,
and then a highly mystical man who joins a secret society in a cellar deep underground, where he goes about
disguised as, say, the president, so that the common rabble take him for a tomcat. In any case, we are then given a
dose of profound and religious philosophy and Freemasonry. Finally, he is sacrificed for a higher cause. O you noble
Puss! Of course you must be in boots if you are to give all the villains a good kick up their unfeeling arses!
Fischer
Yes, I think you must be right, for otherwise it would be in very bad taste. At any rate, I must confess I never could
believe in witches or ghosts, much less a Puss in Boots.
Mller
The age of such phantoms is past.
Schlosser
But it depends on the circumstances. Could not a deceased nobleman in a truly desperate plight wander unrecognized
as a house-cat throughout his palace, miraculously revealing his identity at the right time? That would be entirely
reasonable, if it served higher and mystical ends. But here comes Leutner; perhaps he can tell us more.
Leutner pushes his way through the crowd.
Leutner
Good evening, good evening! How are you?
Mller
Do tell us, will you, what sort of play we're having tonight?
The music begins.
Leutner
They're only starting now? It seems I've come in the nick of time. Tonight's play? I have just been speaking with
the author; he is onstage now helping the cat to dress.
Many Voices
Helping? The author? The cat? So a cat will be appearing onstage, after all?
Leutner
Yes, indeed! Why, his name is even on the playbill.
Fischer
So who's playing the cat?
Leutner
The foreign actor, of course, the great man.
Btticher
Then we are in for a heavenly treat. Oh, how this genius, who experiences all his roles so intimately and portrays
them with such subtle nuances, will sculpt for us a cat out of his very being! An ideal cat, as the ancients would
understand it, no doubt, not unlike Pygmalion, only here we will have the soccus rather than the cothurnus.[3] But
boots are surely buskins and not socks. I am still not sure which of the two we are to have tonight. Pardon me,
gentlemen, just a little room for my writing table and remarks.
Mller
But how can they possibly put on such nonsense?
Leutner
The author thinks that, for a change
Fischer
A nice change! Why not do Bluebeard too, and Little Red Riding Hood or Hop-o-My-Thumb? Indeed! Fine subjects
for a drama!
Mller
But how are they going to dress the cat? Is he actually going to be wearing boots?
Leutner
I'm just as eager to find out as you are.
Fischer
But do we really want them to perform such stuff for us? We've come here out of curiosity, to be sure, but, still, we
have taste.
Mller
I have a good mind to kick up a fuss.
Leutner
It is rather cold, too. I'll set the ball rolling.
He stamps his feet; the others accompany him.
Wiesener
on the other side
What are you making such a racket for?
Leutner
We're trying to save good taste.
Wiesener
Really! Well, count me in too.
He stamps his feet.
Voices
Be quiet! We can't hear the music.
Everyone stamps.
Schlosser
But, I say, we really ought to let them play the piece right through to the end. After all, we've given them our money
and this will be our only chance to see this play. But afterwards we'll kick up such a fuss that they'll hear us out in
the street.
All
No! Now! Now! Good taste rules art otherwise everything will go to rack and ruin.
10
A Candle-Snuffer appears on the stage.
Candle-Snuffer
Gentlemen! Must we send in the police?
Leutner
We've paid good money to be here, we're the audience, and therefore we demand to have our own good taste and no
farces.
Candle-Snuffer
But this stamping is rude, and it shows that you have no taste. Here we only allow applause and admiration;
respectable theaters like ours here do not grow on trees, you know.
Playwright
backstage
The play will begin presently.
Mller
No play we want no play we want good taste .
All
Good taste! Good taste!
Playwright
I am confused; what do you mean, if I may be so bold as to inquire?
Schlosser
Good taste! You a poet, and you do not even know what good taste means?
Playwright
Be considerate, I'm young, a beginner
Schlosser
Don't talk to us about beginners we want to see a proper play a play in good taste!
Playwright
What sort of play? What genre?
Mller
Domestic stories.
Leutner
Rescue stories.
Fischer
Ethics and German sentiments.
Schlosser
Religious edification, beneficent secret societies.
Wiesener
Hussites and children.
Wiesener's Neighbor
Right! And cherries too, and quartermasters!
[4]
The Playwright comes out from behind the curtain
Playwright
11
Gentlemen
All
Is that the author?
Fischer
He doesn't look much like a writer.
Schlosser
Impudent fellow!
Playwright
Gentlemen forgive my boldness.
Fischer
How can you write such pieces? Why haven't you educated yourself?
Playwright
Grant me a hearing before you condemn me just one minute. I know that the honorable public must pass judgment
on the author, and that there can be no leave of appeal; but I also know how much the honorable public loves justice,
and I know that they will not frighten me away from a course in which I am in sore need of their guidance and good
judgment.
Fischer
He's not a bad speaker.
Mller
He's more courteous than I expected.
Schlosser
He has respect for the public, after all.
Playwright
I am ashamed to present the modest inspiration of my Muse before such enlightened judges; it is only the skill of our
actors which still consoles me to some extent; otherwise I would sink into despair without further ado.
Fischer
I feel sorry for him.
Mller
He's a fine fellow!
Playwright
When I heard your worthy stamping why, nothing has ever frightened me so much! I'm still pale and shaking. I
don't know how I ever mustered up the courage to appear before you.
Leutner
Well, clap, then!
Everyone applauds.
Playwright
I wanted to try and amuse you by means of humor, cheerfulness and, dare I say it, buffoonery. I hope I have been
successful, as our newest plays so seldom afford us an opportunity to laugh.
Mller
That's certainly true!
12
Leutner
He's right. That man is absolutely right.
Schlosser
Bravo! Bravo!
All
Bravo! Bravo!
They applaud.
Playwright
It is up to you, honored sirs, to decide now whether my attempt is to be rejected entirely. Trembling, I withdraw. Let
the play begin.
He bows very respectfully and disappears behind the curtain.
All
Bravo! Bravo!
Voices from the Gallery

Da capo!
Everyone laughs. The music begins again, as the curtain rises.
__________
Notes
[1] Die neuen Arkadier (The New Arcadians) or Der Spiegel von Arkadien (The Mirror of Arcadia) is an opera composed by Franz Xaver
Sssmayr and Emanuel Schikaneder in 1794.
[2] Tarkaleon was a satanic character in The New Arcadians.
[3] In Classical drama, the soccus (sock) was worn by comic actors and the cothurnus (buskin) by tragedians.
[4] References to the story of a legendary siege of Naumberg by the Hussites in 1432, in which children supposedly came to the gates of the city
to plead for mercy; the Hussite commander Andreas Prokop granted their request and gave them cherries.

ACT ONE
__________
Scene One
A small parlor in a peasant's cottage.
_____
Lorenz, Barthel, Gottlieb. The tom-cat Hinze is lying on a stool by the stove.
Lorenz
I think that after the death of our father, our little fortune can be divided easily. You know that the deceased has left
us only three pieces of property: a horse, an ox, and that cat there. I, as the eldest son, will take the horse; Barthel,
the eldest after me, gets the ox; and so the cat of course is left for the youngest of us.
Leutner
in the pit
For Heaven's sake! Have you ever seen such an exposition! Just look how far the dramatic arts have degenerated!
Mller
But I understand everything perfectly well.
Leutner
That is precisely the problem: one should give the audience subtle hints, not ram everything down their throats.
Mller
But now we know where we are, don't we?
Leutner
Yes, but surely we shouldn't be told that so quickly; why, half the fun consists in finding things out little by little.
Schlosser
The illusion suffers as a result of it; that is undeniable.
Barthel
I trust you too will be satisfied with this division, Gottlieb; unfortunately you are the youngest, and so you must
grant us some privileges.
Gottlieb
Yes, of course.
Schlosser
But why doesn't the court of wards take an interest in the inheritance? It's incomprehensible, not to mention
improbable!
Lorenz
So we'll be off now, dear Gottlieb. Farewell. Don't let time hang heavy on your hands.
Gottlieb
Goodbye.
The brothers leave.
Gottlieb
alone. Soliloquy.
They have gone and I am left on my own. We each have our lodgings; Lorenz, of course, can till the ground
with his horse; Barthel can slaughter and pickle his ox and live on it for a while; but what can a poor wretch like me
do with a cat? At best I can make a muff for the winter out of his fur, and even then I think he is casting his hair
now. There he lies, sleeping quite comfortably. Poor Hinze! Soon we shall have to part. I am sorry I brought
him up, I know him as well as I know myself but he'll just have to accept it, I can't help it, I really must sell him.
He's looking at me as though he understands. It's almost enough to make one cry.
He walks up and down, lost in thought.
Mller
Well, you see now, don't, you, that it's going to be a touching picture of domestic bliss? The peasant is poor and
without money; now, in the direst need, he will sell his faithful pet to some impressionable young lady, and in the
end that will be the foundation of his good fortune. It is an imitation of Kotzebue's The Parrot; here the bird is
replaced by a cat, but otherwise everthing will turn out the same.
Fischer
Now that it's turning out this way, I too am satisfied.
Hinze the tom-cat rises, stretches, arches his back, yawns, then speaks.
Hinze
My dear Gottlieb, I have the utmost sympathy for You.[1]
Gottlieb
astonished
What, Puss, you can speak?
The Critics
in the pit
The cat can talk? What does that mean, then?
Fischer
I'm finding it impossible to achieve the necessary sense of illusion here.
Mller
I would rather never see another play in all my life than let myself be disappointed like this again.
Hinze
Why shouldn't I be able to speak, Gottlieb?
Gottlieb
I would not have suspected it; in all my life I have never heard a cat speak.
Hinze
Just because we don't butt into every conversation, You think we are no better than dogs.
Gottlieb
I think your only purpose is to catch mice.
Hinze
If, in our intercourse with human beings, we had not developed a healthy contempt for speech, we would all speak.
Gottlieb
Well, I'll grant you that! But why do you never let anyone become aware of this ability of yours?
Hinze
To avoid being burdened with responsibility; once the power of speech is beaten into us so-called dumb brutes, we
won't be able to take any pleasure out of life. Look at all the things dogs are compelled to do and learn! And horses,
those poor martyred creatures! The foolish animals have revealed their intelligence; they just had to indulge their
vanity. We cats, however, are still the freest race because we are clever enough to behave in so clumsy a fashion that
human beings have quite given up all ideas of training us.
Gottlieb
But why do you reveal all this to me?
Hinze
Because You are a good and noble man, one of the few who take no delight in servitude and slavery; so You see, that
is why I reveal my true nature to You.
Gottlieb
giving him his hand.
You're a good friend!
Hinze
Human beings labor under the misapprehension that the only remarkable thing about us cats is that strange purring
which arises from a certain sense of well-being; for that reason they often stroke us awkwardly, and then we only
purr to ward off blows. But if they knew how to manage us in the right way, believe me, they could accustom our
good nature to anything, and Michel, Your neighbor's tom-cat, would even at times be pleased to jump through a
hoop for the king.
Gottlieb
That's very true.
Hinze
I love You, Gottlieb, very much. You never stroke me the wrong way, You always let me sleep when I feel like it,
and You always object when your brothers want to pick me up and carry me into the dark so that they can see the
so-called electric sparks for all this I now want to show You my gratitude.
Gottlieb
Generous Hinze! Ah, how unjustly do people speak ill of you and deride you when they doubt your true loyalty and
devotion! My eyes are being opened; how my knowledge of human nature is increasing, and so unexpectedly!
Fischer
Friends, what has happened to the picture of domestic bliss that we were hoping to get?
Leutner
Why, this is almost too absurd.
Schlosser
I feel as though I'm dreaming.
Hinze
You are a good man, Gottlieb; but and please do not be offended You are somewhat limited and
narrow-minded. To speak freely, Yours is not one of the brightest minds.
Gottlieb
Alas, no!
Hinze
For example, You don't know now what You want to do.
Gottlieb
You read my thoughts perfectly.
Hinze
If You had a muff made out of my fur
Gottlieb
Do not take it amiss, my friend, that this idea just crossed my mind.
Hinze
Of course not; it was an altogether human idea. But can't You think of some other way to make ends meet?
Gottlieb
Not a single thing!
Hinze
You could carry me around and show me off for money but that is never a reliable way of making a living.
Gottlieb
No.
Hinze
You could perhaps become a nature poet, but You are too well educated for that; You could contribute something to
a journal of aesthetics, but, as I said, Yours is not one of the brightest minds, and that sort of work always requires a
good head; and then You would still have to wait ages, because afterwards it is no longer taken so seriously, for only
the new broom sweeps clean but it's much too complicated.
Gottlieb
Yes, indeed.
Hinze
Well, I want to take even better care of You. Rest assured, by the time I'm through You'll be very happy You
inherited me.
Gottlieb
O best of friends, you generous fellow!
He embraces him tenderly.
Hinze
But You must also trust me.
Gottlieb
Absolutely, now that I know you have an honest heart.
Hinze
Well, then, do me a favor and fetch the shoemaker at once so that he can measure me for a pair of boots.
Gottlieb
The shoemaker? Boots?
Hinze
You are surprised; but what I intend to do for You will involve so much walking and running that a pair of boots will
be absolutely indispensable.
Gottlieb
But why not shoes?
Hinze
Gottlieb, You do not understand; boots will lend me some dignity, an imposing presence in short, a certain
manliness that would be unattainable in mere shoes.
Gottlieb
Well, you know best but the shoemaker will be surprised.
Hinze
Not at all; we just have to act as though there was nothing remarkable about a cat wanting to wear boots; people can
get used to anything.
Gottlieb
Yes, indeed; why, my conversation with you has actually become quite natural. But another thing: now that we
have become such good friends, do please use the familiar form when you speak to me. Why ever would we still
want to stand on ceremony with each other? Does not love abolish all differences of social standing?
Hinze
[2]
As you like.
Gottlieb
Why, there's the shoemaker now. Hey! Pst! Leichdorn, my good friend! Will you please step inside for a
moment?
The Shoemaker comes in.
Shoemaker
Bless you! What's new?
Gottlieb
I haven't given you any business for a long time now
Shoemaker
No, my good friend. All in all, I have very little to do nowadays.
Gottlieb
I should like to have another pair of boots made
Shoemaker
Please take a seat, then. I have my measuring tape with me.
Gottlieb
The boots are not for me; they're for my young friend here.
Shoemaker
For this fellow here? Very well.
Hinze sits on a chair and holds out his right leg.
Shoemaker
Now then, what sort of boots would you like, Monsieur?
Hinze
In the first place, they must have good soles; then brown flaps; and above all they must be stiff.
Shoemaker
Very well.
He takes the measuring tape.
Shoemaker
Will you be so kind as to draw in your claws a little I mean nails? I have already scratched myself.
Hinze
And they must be finished quickly.
As his leg is being stroked, he begins to purr involuntarily.
Shoemaker
Monsieur is very happy.
Gottlieb
Yes, he's a cheerful fellow. He has just come from school. He's what they usually call a sly dog.
Shoemaker
Well, goodbye.
Exit Shoemaker.
Gottlieb
Wouldn't you perhaps like to have your whiskers trimmed too?
Hinze
Certainly not! I look so much more respectable as I am. Surely you know that cats become effeminate and
contemptible when their whiskers are clipped. A tomcat without whiskers is just a pitiable creature.
Gottlieb
If only I knew what you were planning!
Hinze
You'll find out soon enough. Now I would like to take a little walk on the roof; there's a fine, clear view up there
and there's always a good chance of catching a pigeon too.
Gottlieb
As a good friend, I must warn you not to let them catch you at it; people generally take a dim view of such
behaviour.
Hinze
Don't worry, I'm no novice. In the meantime, I bid you adieu.
Exit Hinze.
Gottlieb
alone
Natural history tells us that cats cannot be trusted and that they belong to the same family as lions, of which I am
pitifully terrified. It is also said proverbially, false like a cat. Now if a cat had no conscience, he could run off with
the boots, on which I must now spend my last penny, and flog them somewhere or other for next to nothing; or it's
possible that he wants to endear himself to the shoemaker and then enter his service. But he already has a tomcat.
No, Hinze, my brothers have betrayed me, so I'll take my chances with you. He spoke so nobly, he was so
touched there he is now, sitting up on the roof, cleaning his whiskers forgive me, my noble friend, for
doubting your magnanimity even for a moment.
Exit Gottlieb.
Fischer
What nonsense!
Mller
What does the cat need those boots for? To be able to walk better? Rubbish!
Schlosser
But it was as though there was an actual cat before our very eyes.
Leutner
Quiet! The scene is changing.
Notes
[1] Hinze uses the polite form of an inferior (Ihr) when addressing Gottlieb.
[2] From this point on, Hinze employs the familiar form of equals (du) when addressing Gottlieb.

Prologue
The scene is laid in the pit. The candles have been lit; the musicians are gathered in the orchestra. The theatre is
full; there is a bedlam of chatter; more members of the audience are arriving; several are pushing, others are
complaining. The musicians are tuning their instruments.
__________
Fischer, Mller, Schlosser, Btticher are in the pit; Wiesener and Wiesener's Neighbor are on the other side of the
pit.
Fischer
Say, but I'm curious, Mller, what is your opinion of these contemporary plays?
Mller
I think the sky will fall in before we are likely to see such a play at our great theatre our National Theatre! Indeed!
Think of all the periodicals, the sumptuous costumes, and the endless expenses!
Fischer
Are you familiar with this piece?
Mller
Not at all. A strange title that: Puss in Boots. I do hope they're not going to perform the children's play.
Schlosser
Is it perhaps an opera?
Fischer
Anything but. The bill says: A Children's Fairy-Tale.
Schlosser
A fairy-tale? For Heaven's sake, they must think we are mere children if that's the sort of piece they are going to put
on? They surely won't bring an actual cat onto the stage, will they?
Fischer
As far as I can make out, it's an imitation of The New Arcadians.[1] The villain of the piece is a monstrous cat, a sort
of Tarkaleon,[2] except that his mouth is black rather than red.
Mller
Now that wouldn't be bad, for it has long been my desire to see such a wonderful opera without music for once.
Fischer
13

ACT ONE
__________
Scene Two
A hall in the royal palace.
_____
The King with crown and sceptre. The Princess, his daughter.
King
A thousand handsome princes, my esteemed daughter, have already sued for your hand and laid their kingdoms at
your feet, but you have refused them all. Tell us the reason for this, my treasure.
Princess
Most gracious father, it has always been my belief that my heart must first evince certain sentiments before I can
pass under the yoke of matrimony. For a marriage without love, they say, is truly a hell upon earth.
King
That is right, my dear. Yes, yes, what you say is indeed true: a hell on earth! Alas, would that I were not qualified to
discuss it! Indeed I should have preferred to remain blissfully ignorant of it! But as it is, my dear, I could a tale
unfold, as they say. Your mother, my consort of blessed memory ah, Princess, see, even in my old age the tears
rush to my eyes she was a good queen, she wore the crown with a sublime air of majesty but she gave me very
little peace. Well, may she rest in peace among her royal relatives.
Princess
Your majesty excites himself too much.
King
When I think back on it now O my child, on my bended knee I implore you consider carefully before you
marry. It is a great truth that linen and a bridegroom should not be bought by candlelight; a sublime truth which
every maiden should have inscribed in letters of gold in her chamber. Oh, how I suffered! Not one day passed
without a quarrel; I could not sleep in peace; I could not conduct my imperial affairs at my own convenience; I had
no time for personal reflection; I could not read the newspaper without being distracted. At dinner, I could never
enjoy a fine roast or indulge my appetite; every morsel I swallowed was seasoned with irritation; every course was
served with so much squabbling, scolding, sneering, grumbling, griping, grouching, nagging, sulking , biting,
grousing, growling and groaning, that more often than not I wished I were amongst the dead rather than amongst the
dishes. And yet my spirit occasionally yearns for you, my dear belated Clothilde! My eyes are filling up again
oh, what a foolish old man I am!
Princess
affectionately
O father!
King
I tremble whenever I think of all the dangers that face you; for, even if you do fall in love now, my dear, and even if
your love and affection are requited ah, just think, my child, wise men have written weighty tomes, often closely
printed, warning of the dangers of love; simply falling in love and being loved in return can be enough to make one
miserable: the happiest, the most blissful emotion can ruin us; love is, as it were, an ingenious puzzle cup: instead of
nectar, it often dispenses poison; next thing you know, your pillow is drenched in tears; all hope, all comfort are
gone.
14
A trumpet sounds.
King
It isn't dinner-time yet, is it? No doubt it's just another prince who wants to fall in love with you. Take care,
my dear, you are my only child, and you do not realize how dear to my heart your happiness is.
He kisses her and leaves; applause in the pit.
Fischer
Now, that scene actually had some common sense in it.
Schlosser
I too am moved.
Mller
He's a splendid ruler.
Fischer
But was it really necessary for him to be wearing a crown?
Schlosser
It destroys all the sympathy one feels for him as an affectionate father.
Princess
alone
I do not understand why none of the princes has yet touched my heart with love. I always keep my father's warnings
in mind; he is a great ruler, but he is also a good father, and he is always thinking of my happiness; his subjects love
him; he is gifted and wealthy; he is usually as gentle as a lamb, but sometimes he forgets himself and his duties and
can suddenly fly into the wildest of rages. Yes, fortune and misfortune, it seems, are always coupled together. The
arts and the sciences are my only sources of joy; books constitute all my happiness.
The Princess; Leander, the court scholar.
Princess
You are just in time, Master Leander.
Leander
I am always at your service, your majesty.
They sit down.
Princess
Here is my assignment. I have entitled it Night Thoughts.
Leander
reading it
Excellent! Ingenious! Ah! I can almost hear the chimes of midnight striking. When did you write this?
Princess
Yesterday afternoon, after dinner.
Leander
Beautifully conceived! Really, it is beautifully conceived! But, with your gracious permission; The moon
shines sadly down on the world please do not take it amiss, but it should read: in die Welt rather than in der Welt.
Princess
Yes, of course. I will take a note of that for the future. You must think me a perfect dunce to find poetry so difficult;
I can't write five or six lines without making a mistake.
15
Leander
The idiosyncrasies of our language are to blame.
Princess
But aren't the emotions tenderly and delicately phrased!
Leander
Indescribably, oh so how shall I put it? so tenderly and lovingly teased out, so finely entwined; all the poplars
and weeping willows, and the golden moonlight shining tearfully down on them; and then the purling murmur of the
babbling brook it is scarcely comprehensible how a meek feminine mind could conceive such thoughts without
first having been scared half to death by the sight of pale ghosts in a churchyard at midnight.
Princess
Now I might try my hand at some Greek metres and ancient verse forms; I would like to set aside the vagueness of
romantic poetry and have a go instead at more descriptive pieces.
Leander
You must continue to make progress; you are climbing higher and higher.
Princess
I have also begun a play: The Unhappy Misanthrope; or, Lost Serenity and Innocence Redeemed.
Leander
The title itself is fascinating.
Princess
And then I feel an incomprehensible urge to write some grisly ghost story. As I said before, if only it weren't for
all those grammatical blunders!
Leander
Do not worry about such things, incomparable princess! Mistakes are easily corrected.
The Groom of the Chambers enters.
Groom
The Prince of Malsinki, who has just arrived, wishes to wait upon your royal highness.
Exit groom.
Leander
Your obedient servant.
Exit Leander. Prince Nathaniel of Malsinki and The King enter.
King
Here, Sir, is my daughter, a silly young thing, as you see her before you. [To the Princess:] Be polite, my dear,
and courteous; he is a distinguished prince from a distant land; his country is not even on my map; I have already
looked it up. I have a great deal of respect for him.
Princess
It is an honour and a pleasure to make your acquaintance, your highness.
Nathaniel
Beautiful Princess, reports of your beauty have spread so widely throughout the world that I have journeyed from a
remote corner of the globe to see you face to face.
King
16
Indeed, it is astonishing how many countries and kingdoms there are! You would not believe how many thousands of
crown princes have been here already to pay their addresses to my daughter; sometimes they arrive in their dozens,
especially when the weather is fine and now you have come all the way from I beg your pardon, topography is
such an extensive subject whereabouts does your country lie?
Nathaniel
Your royal highness, first you set off down the great highway; then you turn right and proceed until you reach a
mountain; turn left again, and then proceed to the ocean and sail directly north (if, that is, the wind is favorable); if
your journey is successful, you will reach my realm in one and a half years.
King
Goodness me! I'll have to get my court scholar to explain all that to me. I suppose you live next to the North Pole
or the Zodiac, or something like that!
Nathaniel
I wouldn't know.
King
Perhaps somewhere near the savages?
Nathaniel
I beg your pardon! All my subjects are very tame.
King
But you must live in a confoundedly out-of-the-way place. I still can't get my head around it.
Nathaniel
The exact geography of my country has still not been determined. I hope to discover more of it day by day. Who
knows, we may even turn out to be neighbors after all.
King
That would be splendid! And if, in the end, there are still a few countries separating us, I would be happy to help you
with your discoveries. My neighbor is not a good friend of mine, so to speak, but he has an excellent country; all our
raisins come from there; why, I should be only too glad to have it! And another thing: do tell me how, living so
far away, you can speak our language so fluently!
Nathaniel
Ssh!
King
What?
Nathaniel
Hush! Hush!
King
I don't understand.
Nathaniel
quietly to him
Oh do please be quiet about it, or the audience down there will eventually realize that it's very far-fetched.
King
It doesn't matter; they aplauded before, so I can afford to throw them a bone.
Nathaniel
17
Don't you see, it's only for the sake of the play that I can speak your language. Otherwise, of course, it would make
no sense at all.
King
Ah, I see! Yes, of course, we must keep the ladies happy and the play ticking over, even if it means turning a blind
eye to some things. Well, come along, Sir, the table is laid!
The Prince escorts the Princess out; the King goes ahead of them.
Fischer
This play is full of bloody anomalies!
Schlosser
And the king is not staying true to his character.
Leutner
Nothing infuriates me more than contradictions and anomalies! Why on earth can the prince not speak some foreign
language and have an interpreter with him to translate it into German? And how come the princess doesn't make any
grammatical errors when she speaks, since she herself admits that she cannot write five or six lines without
blundering?
Mller
Yes, indeed! The whole thing is complete rubbish; the author himself keeps forgetting what he has just written.
__________

ACT ONE
__________
Scene Three
Outside a tavern.
_____
Lorenz, Kunz, Michel, sitting on a bench; The Landlord.
Lorenz
I must be off. I have a long journey home ahead of me.
Landlord
You are a subject of the king, aren't you?
Lorenz
Yes, indeed. What do you call your ruler?
Landlord
[1]
We just call him Bugbear.
Lorenz
What a silly title. Has he no other name, then?
Landlord
Whenever he issues edicts, they always read: For the good of the public, the Law demands.... From which I
conclude that that is his real name. All petitions too are always laid before the Law.[2] He's a fearsome man.
18
Lorenz
Still, I would prefer to be a king's subject; a king is more distinguished, you know. They say that bugbears make very
ungracious masters.
Landlord
He is not particularly gracious, that is certainly true, but, on the other hand, he's also the very embodiment of justice.
Lawsuits are often sent to him, even from abroad, and he must settle them.
Lorenz
They say wonderful things about him; the story goes he can transform himself into any animal.
Landlord
That's true; he often travels about incognito to sound the opinions of his subjects; that's why we never trust a stray
cat or dog, because we always think it could very well be our ruler in disguise.
Lorenz
There too we are surely better off than you; our king never goes out without his crown, cloak and sceptre; he can be
easily recognized by these, even when he's a mile away. Well, take care of yourselves.
Exit Lorenz.
Landlord
He's already in his own country now.
Kunz
Is the border that close?
Landlord
Of course; even that tree belongs to the king; from this very spot you can see everything that goes on in his country;
this border here has even been lucky for me. I would have been bankrupt long ago if deserters from over there had
not supported me; almost every day quite a few cross over.
Michel
Is military service over there so hard?
Landlord
Not particularly, but running away is so easy; and just because it is so strictly forbidden, the fellows have an
incredible desire to desert. Look, I bet that's another one coming now!
A Soldier enters, running
Soldier
A tankard of beer, innkeeper! Quickly!
Landlord
Who are you?
Soldier
A deserter.
Michel
Perhaps it was filial love that made him desert. Poor fellow, do look after him, innkeeper.
Landlord
Well, if he has money, he shall not lack for beer.
He goes into the tavern. Enter Two Hussars on horseback; they dismount.
First Hussar
19
Well, thank God we made it this far! Your health, neighbor!
Soldier
This is the border.
Second Hussar
Yes, thank Heavens! Thanks to this fellow we really had to ride. Innkeeper! Beer!
Landlord
with several glasses
Here, gentlemen, a nice cool drink; you all seem pretty hot.
First Hussar
Here, you scroundrel! Cheers!
Soldier
Cheers! Let me hold your horses while you drink.
Second Hussar
Boy, that fellow can certainly run! It's a good thing the border is so close: otherwise this job would be a bitch!
First Hussar
Well, we have to go back, I suppose. Adieu, deserter! The best of luck to you!
They mount their horses and ride away.
Landlord
Will you be staying here?
Soldier
No, I'm going on; I have to enlist again with the neighboring duke.
Landlord
Do come and see me again when you next desert.
Soldier
I will. Farewell.
They shake hands. The soldier and the guests leave; the landlord goes into the tavern. The curtain falls.
__________
Notes
[1] Popanz: bugbear, bogey. In Charles Perrault's classic French version of the tale, Le Chat Bott, this character is simply called un Ogre, an
Ogre.
[2] Gesetz: Law.
Puss in Boots (Tieck)/Interval 1
20

INTERVAL
__________
Fischer
Why, it's getting crazier and crazier. What was the purpose of that last scene, I wonder?
Leutner
No purpose at all; it was totally unnecessary; just an excuse to introduce some new piece of tomfoolery. We seem to
have lost sight of the cat altogether. There's no fixed point of view at all.
Schlosser
It's just as if I were drunk.
Mller
In what period is the play supposed to be set, then? Obviously, the hussars are a recent invention.
Schlosser
We simply shouldn't put up with it; we should kick up a racket. We haven't the faintest idea now what this play is
about.
Fischer
And no love interest, either! There's nothing in it for the heart, nothing for the imagination!
Leutner
I don't know about the rest of you, but at the first sign of any more nonsense, I'm going to start stamping and hissing.
Wiesener
to his neighbor
I like this play now.
Neighbor
Very nice, very nice indeed; he's a great man, the author he has imitated The Magic Flute very well.
Wiesener
I especially liked the hussars; people are usually too apprehensive to bring horses onto the stage but why not?
They often have more sense than the humans. I would rather see one good horse than several human beings in a
modern play.
Neighbor
[1]
The Moors in Kotzebue
after all, a horse is just another kind of Moor.
Wiesener
Did you notice what regiment the hussars belonged to?
Neighbor
No, I wasn't paying close enough attention to them. Too bad they took themselves off so soon; actually, I'd like to
see a whole play with nothing but hussars in it I really like the cavalry.
Leutner
to Btticher
What do you think of all this?
Btticher
21
I simply can't get the excellent acting of the man who's playing the cat out of my head. What a study! What subtlety!
What observation! What a costume!
Schlosser
That's true; he really does look like a large tom-cat.
Btticher
And just look at his entire mask, as I would prefer to call his costume; for since he has so completely disguised his
natural appearance, this word is far more appropriate. God bless me, but God bless the ancients too while He's at it.
You probably do not know that in the Classical world, all rles without exception were performed in masks, as you
will find in Athenaeus, Pollux and other authors. It's difficult, don't you see, to know all these details, because one
must now and then look them up for oneself in the works of such authors; but, of course, one then has the advantage
of being able to quote them. There is a difficult passage in Pausanias
Fischer
You were going to be kind enough to say something about the cat.
Btticher
Oh, yes. I only meant to say all the foregoing by the by, so I beg you most earnestly to consider it as a footnote;
and to return to the cat have you noticed, I wonder, that he is not one of those black cats? No, on the contrary,
he is almost completely white and has only a few black spots; that expresses his good nature admirably; the whole
course of the play and all the emotions which it shall arouse are, as it were, foreshadowed by this very fur.
Fischer
The curtain is rising again!
Notes
[1] The Moors in Kotzebue: A reference to the Moorish slave Xury in August von Kotzebue's play Der Papagoy (The Parrot) of 1792.
22

ACT TWO
__________
Scene One
Peasant's parlor.
_____
Gottlieb, Hinze. Both are sitting at a small table, eating.
Gottlieb
Was it to your liking?
Hinze
Very good, very nice indeed.
Gottlieb
But now my fate must be decided quickly, because otherwise I don't know what I'm to do.
Hinze
Patience! Just a few more days. Good fortune must be given some time to grow; who would expect to become happy
all of a sudden? My good man, that sort of thing only happens in books; in the real world things do not move so
quickly.
Fischer
Did you hear that? The cat dares to speak of the real world! I have half a mind to go home before this play drives
me mad.
Leutner
It's almost as if that's what the writer intended.
Mller
A excellent kind of artistic pleasure, I must say: to be driven mad!
Schlosser
This is too much. Instead of being happy merely to exist, if only in an imaginary world, he wishes to disabbuse the
other man of his fantastic hopes and treat him as a dreamer, even though he, at least in his rle as a peasant, is not
contradicting the laws of our everyday world!
Gottlieb
If I only knew, dear Hinze, how you have acquired this experience, this intelligence!
Hinze
Do you think, then, that when I lie for days in front of the stove with my eyes shut, it is all for nothing? I always
pursue my studies there in silence. The powers of the mind only grow in secrecy and unobserved; it is always a sign
that you have made the least progress whenever you feel the inclination to crane your neck around as much as
possible to see how far you have come. By the way, be so good as to untie my napkin.
Gottlieb
doing it
Benedicite!
They kiss.
Gottlieb
23
I hope you're satisfied with that.
Hinze
I thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Gottlieb
The boots seem to fit very nicely, and you have charming little feet.
Hinze
That is only because we cats always walk on our toes, as you must already have read in your natural history.
Gottlieb
I have great deal of respect for you on account of those boots.
Hinze
hanging a knapsack round his neck
I'm going now. Look, I've also made a bag with a drawstring for myself.
Gottlieb
What's all this for?
Hinze
Just leave me be! I want to look like a hunter. Now, where's my cane?
Gottlieb
Here.
Hinze
Well, good-bye, then.
Exit Hinze.
Gottlieb
A hunter? I can't make head or tail of him.
Exit Gottlieb.
24

ACT TWO
__________
Scene Two
Open country.
_____
Hinze with his cane, knapsack and bag.
Hinze
Glorious weather! What a beautiful, warm day; afterwards I will lie out in the sun for a bit.
He spreads out his bag.
Hinze
Well, Fortune favor me! Of course, when I reflect how that capricious goddess rarely favors shrewdly laid plans
and always ends up confounding the intelligence of us mortals, I really should lose all my courage. But be still, my
heart; a little work and sweat for a kingdom is surely worth the effort. So long as there are no dogs around here; I
can't stand the sight of those creatures; I despise their kind because they submit themselves so willingly to the lowest
form of human bondage; they're good for nothing except flattering and biting; and they have no style at all, without
which social intercourse is absolutely impossible. There's no game to be caught.
He begins to sing a hunting song: "In the field I creep, silent and wild," etc.[1] A nightingale begins to warble in a
nearby bush.
Hinze
She sings superbly, the songstress of the grove but how delicious she must taste! The great are so lucky; they
can eat as many nightingales and larks as they like; we poor common people must content ourselves with their
singing, with the beauty of their nature, with their incomprehensibly sweet harmony. It's so annoying that I can
never listen to a bird singing without at the same time wanting to eat it. Nature! Nature! Why do you always mar
my finest emotions by saddling me with such a vulgar taste in music! I almost feel like taking off my boots and
gingerly climbing up that tree; she must be perching somewhere up there.
There is stamping in the pit.
Hinze
Nightingales are good-natured creatures; I never realized that they prefer to sing when the weather is stormy and
tempestuous, but now I see how wrong I was. Ay! Sing on, you warbler, until you run out of breath! She must
taste delicious. But I'm forgetting all about my hunting with these sweet dreams. Truly, there's no game to be
caught. Hello, someone's coming!
Two Lovers enter.
He
Say, honey, can you hear that nightingale?
She
I'm not deaf, my dear.
He
Oh, how my heart overflows with joy to be surrounded like this by nature in all her harmonious perfection, where
every sound is an echo of my own love, and all heaven bows down and pours out its ether to me.
She
25
You're beginning to rave, my dear!
He
Don't call the most natural emotions of my heart raving.
He kneels down.
He
Look, I swear to you here in the sight of the glorious heavens
Hinze
approaching them courteously
I beg your pardon, but could you please move along? Your charming displays of affection are making it impossible
for me to hunt.
He
With the Sun as my witness, the Earth and everything else: You yourself, dearer to me than Earth, Sun, and all the
planetsWhat is it, my good friend?
Hinze
I'm trying to hunt I beg you most humbly.
She
Barbarian! You dare to interrupt a passionate avowal of love! Clearly, you are not of woman born. You are not fit to
live in human society.
Hinze
If you would only consider
She
Wait one moment, my good friend; can't you see that my beloved, lost in the intoxication of the moment, is on his
knees.
He
Do you believe me now?
She
Oh! I already believed you, even before you opened your mouth!
She bends down to him affectionately.
She
Dearest! I love you! Oh, inexpressibly!
He
Am I mad? Oh, and if I'm not, why do I not become so immediately with an excess of joy, wretched contemptible
creature that I am? I am no longer on Earth; behold me closely, dearest, and tell me: Am I not perhaps wandering
up there at the center of the immortal Sun?
She
You are in my arms, and they shall never release you either.
He
Oh, come, this open country is too narrow for my emotions, we must scale the highest mountain and tell the whole of
Nature how happy we are!
They go off quickly and full of delight. Loud applause and cries of "Bravo!" are heard in the pit.
Wiesener
26
clapping
The lover really threw himself into his rle. Ow! I've applauded so much that my hands have swollen right up.
Neighbor
You don't know how to restrain yourself when you're happy.
Wiesener
Yes, I'm always like that.
Fischer
Ah! that was certainly something for the heart! That makes one feel good again!
Leutner
Really beautiful diction in that scene!
Mller
But I wonder whether it was really essential to the plot?
Schlosser
I never worry about the plot; if I cry, I cry, that's enough; that passage was simply divine.
Hinze
O Love, how powerful art thou! Thy voice calmeth the storm, it reduceth the thundering public to silence. Thou
confoundest the hearts of the critics; they have forgotten their anger; their refinement has been mislaid. But there's
still no game to be had.
A rabbit creeps into the bag; Hinze rushes over and pulls the drawstring tight.
Hinze
What have we here, my good friend! This creature is a cousin of mine, so to speak. Yes, that's the way of the world
nowadays: dog eat dog, sibling rivalry; if you want to get on in the world, you've got to be prepared to push others
out of your way.
He takes the rabbit out of the bag and puts it into his knapsack.
Hinze
Wait! Wait! I really must take care not to devour the game myself. If I just tie up the knapsack as quickly as
possible, I should be able to hold my appetite in check. Fie! For shame, Hinze! Is it not the nobleman's duty to
sacrifice himself and his desires for the good of his fellow creatures? That is the reason we were created, and
whoever cannot do that oh, it were better for him if he had never been born!
As he is on the point of withdrawing, there is loud applause. Everyone cries "Encore" and he has to repeat his
beautiful closing speech. Then he bows respectfully and goes off with the rabbit.
Fischer
Oh, what a noble fellow!
Mller
And what fine human sentiments!
Schlosser
I suppose things like this can still be edifying in their own way, but whenever I see such tomfoolery I just want to lay
about me like a madman.
Leutner
I too began to feel quite wistful the nightingale the lovers the final tirade why, this play has some really
beautiful passages after all!
27
Notes
[1] Im Felde schleich ich, still und wild: The opening line of Jgers Abendlied (Hunter's Evening Song), a poem by Johann von Goethe. It has
been set to music by several composers, most notable them being Franz Schubert (D215, Op. 3, No. 4).

ACT TWO
__________
Scene Three
A hall in the palace.
_____
A large audience. The King, The Princess, Prince Nathaniel, The Cook in full dress.
King
seated on his throne
Over here, Cook; now is the time for speeches and answers; I intend to look into this matter myself.
Cook
falling on one knee
May it please your majesty: your highness's most faithful servant is yours to command.
King
One cannot expend too much effort, my friends, ensuring that the king on whose shoulders lies the well-being of
an entire country and its countless subjects is always in good spirits. For if he falls into a bad mood, he can very
easily become a tyrant, an ogre. Good humor encourages cheerfulness, and cheerfulness, as all philosophers have
observed, encourages good behaviour; whereas melancholy, on the other hand, is to be considered a vice because it
encourages all the vices. I ask you then, in whose hands does the power lie to foster the good humor of the monarch
if not in the hands of his cook? Are not rabbits innocent creatures? Anyone who thinks otherwise must surely, I
fear, have lost the purest jewel of his soul: his innocence. I could never grow tired of making my country happy
by means of these gentle creatures and yet you expect me to go without rabbit! Suckling pig, every day
nothing but suckling pig. Well, I'm finally fed up with suckling pig, you scoundrel!
Cook
Do not condemn me, your highness, without a hearing. Heaven is my witness that no stone has been left unturned in
search of those cute little white creatures; I was even prepared to buy one no matter what the cost, but there are
absolutely none to be had. If only we could get hold of just one of these rabbits, you would no longer have reason
to doubt the love of your subjects?
King
Enough of these mischievous words! Off with you to the kitchen and prove by your actions that you love your king.
Exit cook.
King
Now I turn to you, my prince and to you, my daughter. I have been informed, worthy prince, that my daughter
does not love you, that she cannot love you; she is a thoughtless and silly little girl; but I still give her credit for so
much common sense that I feel sure she must have her reasons. She causes me so much worry and grief, so much
sorrow and soul-searching, and my old eyes are flooded with tears when I think of how she will get along after my
death. You will be left an old maid! I have told her a thousand times; seize your chance before it is too late! but
28
she will not listen; well, she has made her bed and she will just have to lie in it.
Princess
Father
King
weeping and sobbing
Go, you ungrateful and disobedient girl by your refusal you are, alas, digging an all too early grave for my grey
head!
He leans on the throne, covers his face with his cloak and weeps bitterly.
Fischer
Why, this king does not remain true to his character from one moment to the next.
The Groom of the Chambers enters.
Groom
Your majesty, a foreign gentleman is outside who craves an audience with your majesty.
King
sobbing
Who is it?
Groom
Forgive me, my lord, but I cannot answer this question. Judging by his long white beard, one should say he is an old
man; and the fact that his face is completely covered with hair should almost confirm one in this supposition; but
then again he has such lively young eyes and such an obliging and supple back that one cannot make head or tail of
him. He appears to be a wealthy man, for he is wearing a fine pair of boots; and as far as I can gather from his
exterior appearance, I'm inclined to consider him a hunter.
King
Show him in; I am curious to see him.
The groom goes out and returns in a moment with Hinze.
Hinze
With your majesty's most gracious permission, the Count of Carabas makes bold to present you with a rabbit.
King
delighted
A rabbit? Did you hear that, my good people? Ah, fate has decided to patch things up with me again! A rabbit?
Hinze
taking it out of his knapsack
Here, O mighty sovereign!
King
handing his sceptre to Prince Nathaniel
Here hold my sceptre a moment, Sir.
He feels the rabbit.
King
Fat! Nice and fat! From the Count of
Hinze
29
Carabas.
King
Indeed, he must be an excellent man. I must become better acquainted with him. Who is this man? Which of you
knows him? Why does he hold himself aloof from society? Imagine the loss to the nation if such fellows are
allowed to remain idle! I could almost cry out for joy: Send me a rabbit! Groom, give it to the cook immediately.
The groom takes it and leaves.
Nathaniel
Your majesty, I beg most humbly to take my leave.
King
Oh, yes! I had almost forgotten about you in all the excitement! Farewell, Sir. Yes, you must make room for other
suitors; I'm afraid it can't be helped. Adieu, then! May the road rise with you, and so forth.
Nathanael kisses his hand and leaves.
King
calls out
People! Let the royal historian approach!
The Historian appears.
King
Come, my good friend, approach; here's some material for our history of the world. You have your book with
you, of course?
Historian
Yes, my lord.
King
Enter the following: that on such and such a day (whatever today's date happens to be) the Count of Carabas
presented me with a most delicious rabbit.
The historian sits down and writes.
King
Don't forget, anno currentis.
[1]
I must think of everything, otherwise it's always sure to be done wrong.

A trumpet flourish is heard.
King
Ah, dinner is ready come, my dear, do not cry; if it isn't one prince, it will be another. Huntsman, we thank
you for your trouble. Won't you accompany us to the dining-room?
They leave. Hinze follows them.
Leutner
I can't take much more of this! What has happened to the father who was so fond of his daughter and made such an
impression on us all in his opening scene?
Fischer
The only thing that annoys me is that no one in the play is surprised at the cat; the king and everyone else act as
though it's perfectly normal.
Schlosser
My head is spinning with all this crazy stuff.
30
Notes
[1] anno currentis: (Latin) in the year of the current era.

ACT TWO
__________
Scene Four
The royal dining-room.
_____
A large table is laid. To the sound of trumpets and drums, The King, The Princess, Leander, Hinze, several
distinguished guests and Hanswurst enter; Servants wait on the diners.
King
Let us sit down, the soup is getting cold. Has the hunter been taken care of?
Servant
Yes, your majesty; he will be dining here at the little table with the court jester.
Hanswurst
to Hinze
Let us sit down, the soup is getting cold.
Hinze
sitting down
With whom do I have the honor of dining?
Hanswurst
A man is what he is, Mr Hunter; we cannot all do the same thing. I am a poor exiled fugitive, a man who was once, a
long time ago, held to be witty, who was subsequently looked upon as stupid, vulgar and loutish, and who has now
re-entered service in a foreign land, where he is once again considered witty, for the time being, at least.
Hinze
Really? From what country do you hail?
Hanswurst
Unfortunately, I am only a German. My countrymen were once so wise that they banned all jokes on pain of
retribution; wherever I showed my face, I was given unbearable nicknames: Blackguard, Pleb, Cad. Yes, the fine and
noble name of Hanswurst was debased and became a term of abuse. O my noble-souled friend, the tears stand in
your eyes and you snarl with pain, or is it perhaps the odor of the roast that is getting up your nose? Yes, my dear
sensitive chap, back then whoever dared laugh at me was persecuted just as much as myself, and so I was compelled
to go into exile.
Hinze
You poor man!
Hanswurst
There are strange trades in the world, Mr Hunter; cooks live on hunger, tailors on vanity, I on the laughter of my
fellow man; if he doesn't laugh, I don't eat.
Hinze
31
I don't eat vegetables.
Hanswurst
Why not? Don't be bashful, tuck in.
Hinze
I tell you, I cannot tolerate white cabbage.
Hanswurst
So much the better for me! Give me your hand, I must get to know you better, huntsman.
Hinze
Here.
Murmuring in the pit: "Clown! Clown!"
Hanswurst
Here, take the hand of an honest German; I'm not ashamed of being German, unlike many of my fellow countrymen.
He squeezes the cat's hand very tightly.
Hinze
Ow! Ow!
He resists, snarls and scratches Hanswurst with his claws.
Hanswurst
Ouch! Hunter! Are you possessed by a devil?
He gets up and goes weeping to the king.
Hanswurst
Your majesty, the hunter is a treacherous individual. Just look at the souvenir he has given me of his five fingers.
King
eating
That's weird! Well, just sit down again; in future wear gloves if you want to wish him well. There are many types
of friends; just as one must know how to eat each dish, so one must know how to handle each friend. Wait! I have
just realized what it is that is so peculiar about that hunter: look! look! he's a Freemason, and only wanted to write
the Masonic sign on your hand to see if you too were in the Craft.
Hanswurst
I'll have to be on my guard with you.
Hinze
Why did you squeeze my hand so hard? To hell with your pretentious manners!
Hanswurst
Why, you scratch like a cat!
Hinze laughs mischievously.
King
But what's wrong with the world today? Why does one no longer engage in intelligent conversation at the
dinner-table? I cannot enjoy a bite unless my mind has some nourishment too. Court scholar, have you decided to
play the Court fool today?
Leander
eating
32
May it please your majesty
King
How far is the Sun from the Earth?
Leander
Two hundred thousand and seventy-five miles and a quarter, assuming fifteen miles to one degree.
King
And the circumference of the circle within which the planets taken together revolve?
Leander
If we tally the distances each planet covers individually, the sum-total works out at a little more than a billion miles.
King
A billion! People sometimes express their amazement by saying, Ei, der Tausend![1] But now we even have
billions! There's nothing in the world I like better than to hear of such large numbers millions, trillions that
gives one something to think about. Upon my soul, that's quite a lot, a thousand million, more or less.
Leander
As the numbers increase, so human intelligence expands.
King
But tell me, approximately how large is the circumference of the entire Universe, including the fixed stars, galaxies,
nebulae, and all the other rubbish?
Leander
That number cannot be expressed at all.
King
threatening him with his scepter
But you shall express it, or else
Leander
Well, if we consider a million as one, then approximately ten times a hundred thousand trillion units, each unit
representing one million miles.
King
Just think, children! Would you ever have believed that this little universe of ours could be so immense? Oh, but
how that exercises the mind!
Hanswurst
Your majesty, it is surely a very strange immensity that has in it even less food for thought than for one's stomach; it
seems to me that this bowl of rice here is far more immense.
King
How is that, fool?
Hanswurst
Even with such huge of numbers one can think of nothing whatsoever; for in the end the highest number always
becomes the smallest. Just think of all the numbers that are possible. Why, one can scarcely count up to five without
losing one's bearings.
King
I say, there's some truth in that. This fool has some wit after all. Say, Scholar, how many numbers are there, then?
Leander
33
An infinite number.
King
Just tell me quickly: what's the highest number?
Leander
There is no highest number, because to the highest you can always add something higher; human intelligence knows
no bounds in such matters.
King
It really is a remarkable thing, the human mind.
Hinze
You must be fed up playing the fool here.
Hanswurst
It's impossible to come up with anything novel; there are too many working in this profession.
King
And you also maintain that the Earth is continuously spinning round and round, now one way, now another, like a
drunk?
Leander
It's not exactly like that; it's more like a rolling motion.
King
And it is, in your opinion, a sphere?
Leander
Exactly, so that there are people living on this world whose feet are pointing upwards towards our feet they are
our Antipodes, just as we in our turn are their Antipodes.
King
We? Including me?
Leander
Absolutely!
King
But I won't stand for it! Do you really think that I am going to demean myself in such a manner? You, Sir, and your
ilk can be Antipodes as much as you like; but I consider myself too good to be another man's Antipode, even if he
were the Grand Mogul himself. You probably think that, because I sometimes condescend to debate with you, I must
be willing to put up with anything. Yes, yes, I see it now: he that makes himself a sheep shall be eaten by the wolf.
Give these scholars an inch, and they will walk all over you; according to their systems, everything must be mixed
together higgledy-piggledy, like cabbage and beets; they even have the impudence to cast their rulers beneath the
soles of these Antipodes. Well, let such a thing never happen again!
Leander
As your majesty commands.
King
But let us not dwell on the subject without hearing both sides of the argument: bring me my microscope instanter!
Exit Leander.
King
34
I must tell you, gentlemen, that I like to peer at small things as a devotional exercise; it is actually edifying to do so;
it uplifts my heart when I see how gargantuan a worm appears when magnified, how strangely constructed maggots
and flies are, and how in all their glory they can even compete with a king.
Leander returns.
King
Give it here! Has anyone a gnat that we can observe? Or a worm? Anything at all.
Hanswurst
Typical! When you don't want such things, they're always around: but now that they're needed for educational
purposes, they're nowhere to be found! But, your majesty, I humbly propose that we observe one of those strange
whiskers of the foreign hunter. That would surely be well worth the trouble.
King
An excellent idea! See, our fool is on song today. But to spare the hunter unnecessary embarrassment, the
best-looking hair should be plucked by just two chamberlains. Everyone else turn around!
Hinze
to the chamberlains
Surely such an operations would be an infringement of international law.
They pluck out the hair.
Hinze
Ow! Miaow! Miaow! Prrrst!
King
Listen. He's mewing just like a cat!
Hanswurst
Oh yes, and he also purred like a cat; he seems to be an altogether remarkable entity.
King
looking through the lens
I say! How extraordinarily wonderful! There is not a scratch to be seen on it, not the slightest flaw; it's perfectly
smooth. Yes, the English factories could make something like this for me someday. Ay, of course! That's where the
hunter has come by his precious whiskers!
Hanswurst
They are a work of nature, my lord. And this strange fellow also possesses another natural curiosity, one which is
surely as entertaining as it is thought-provoking. I noticed just now, when the roast was being brought in and the
pleasant odor was wafting through the whole room, that a certain organ was set in motion inside his body; as it
purred merrily in rising and falling scales, he shut his eyes in delight and his nose began to twitch in a lively fashion.
I touched him at the time, and a strange tremolo could be felt all over his body from head to toe.
King
Is it possible? Come over here. Approach me, huntsman.
Hinze
I won't forget this lunch in a hurry!
Hanswurst
Come, noble friend.
As he is conducting him to the king
35
You're not going to scratch me again, are you?
King
Here, come forward. Let's see.
He puts his ear to Hinze
King
I can't hear anything; it's as quiet as a mouse in there.
Hanswurst
It stopped when his hair was pulled out; it seems he only grinds this organ when he's happy. Think of something
pleasant, Mr Hunter, imagine something charming; otherwise we will think it is just out of spite that you refuse to
grind your little organ for us.
King
Hold some of the roast in front of his nose. Like so. Look, huntsman, what have we here? Well? I'll try
stroking his head and ears at the same time: hopefully this display of favor will operate his organ of satisfaction.
Right! Listen! Can you hear that, people? It's purring, up and down, up and down, in such pretty roulades. I can feel
the vibrations in his entire body. Hm! Hm! How very strange! I wonder how such a person must be
constructed on the inside! Is it some sort of cylinder that rotates, or is it arranged like the mechanism of a piano? And
how does the damping apparatus work, that can cut off the vibrations in an instant? Tell me, huntsman: I respect
you and I'm kindly disposed towards you, but have you perhaps a cousin or a distant relative of little account,
someone who wouldn't be missed if, say, one were to dissect them a little just to see how this machinery works,
you understand?
Hinze
No, your majesty, I am the only one of my species.
King
What a pity! Court scholar, consider how this person might be constructed internally, and present your findings to
us in the Academy.
Hanswurst
Come on, huntsman. Let's sit down and finish our meal.
Hinze
I see I must be friends with you.
Leander
It will be my honour, my lord; I already have a hypothesis in mind which I believe is highly probable. To wit, it is
my conjecture that the hunter is a natural ventriloquist, who has probably been accustomed at an early age through
rigorous training to shut up his feelings of delight and joy inside him; but because his vigorous nature is too
powerful, it has created there in the viscera themselves an outlet for his joy, and so formed this internal language of
his that we now marvel at as a strange phenomenon.
King
That sounds plausible!
Leander
And that's why it now sounds more like restrained anger than an expression of pleasure. By its nature, joy soars
upwards, opens the mouth wide and speaks using the most open of the vowels, preferably A, E or I, as one can
observe in all of creation, for example among children, sheep, donkeys, bulls and drunks; but because his tyrannical
parents and guardians did not allow him to make any loud noises, he was compelled to grumble inwardly, using only
the vowels O and U; when considered in this light, the phenomenon ceases to appear miraculous, and for these
36
reasons I do not think that he possesses a cylinder or an organ in his abdomen.
Hanswurst
If only Dr Leander were forbidden to philosophize aloud, and were compelled to give utterance to his most profound
thoughts deep down inside his body rather than upstairs in his mouth, I wonder what sort of a rattle would be set up
in his belly?
Leander
Your fool, my king, is incapable of understanding rational thoughts; on the whole I am surprised that your majesty is
still amused by his insipid ideas. He should be sent packing at once: his continued presence is only bringing your
taste into bad repute.
King
throws his sceptre at Leander's head
Smart Aleck! How dare you, sir! A satanic spirit of rebellion seems to have possessed you today. The fool pleases
me, me, his king, and if I like him, how dare you say that he has no taste? You are the court scholar and he the court
jester; each of you receives the same salary; the only difference is that he is dining at the little table with the foreign
hunter. The jester plays the fool as we dine, while you entertain us with intelligent conversation; both of you are
employed merely to while away the time and make our food taste more palatable: where, then, lies the great
difference? Furthermore, it does a man like me good to see a fool who is more stupid than myself, who does not
possess the gifts I have, who is not as well educated as I; why, then, one feels greater oneself and is grateful to
heaven. For this reason alone I find the company of a simpleton quite pleasant. If, however, you say that the fool
is ignorant in matters of religion and philosophy, and that his mind wanders astray too much, can you yourself (since
the foolish man is surely your next of kin) not sit down with him in a friendly manner and say to him lovingly: Look
here, my dear, this is so, and that is so, and you have this all backwards, but I will lovingly show you the light. And
then give him a thorough grounding in logic, metaphysics and hydrostatics, so that he conquers his ignorance and
turns over a new leaf. That is how one who wishes to be taken for a philosopher would act.
The Cook serves the rabbit and leaves.
King
Ah, the rabbit! I don't know I suppose the other gentlemen do not care for it?
All bow.
King
Well, then, with your permission, I will keep it all for myself.
He eats.
Princess
It seems to me the king is making faces as though he were having another of his attacks.
King
rising, in a rage
This rabbit is burned!
O all you host of heaven! O Earth! What else?
And shall I couple hell?[2]
Princess
Father!
King
Who is that?
By what misunderstanding has this stranger
37
'Mongst people lost his way? His eyes are dry![3]

All arise full of concern, Hanswurst runs back and forth busily, Hinze remains seated and eats surreptitiously.
King
Deliver up to me the dead. I must
[4]
Have him again!
Princess
Quickly, someone fetch the pacifier.
King
May the hosts of Hell rejoice when my Cook Philip is burned at the stake, the ungrateful wretch!
Princess
What's keeping the musician!
King
The dead return no more. Who dare affirm
That I am happy? Oh! had he died for me!
I loved him, too, and much.[5]
The pacifier enters with a glockenspiel, which he immediately begins to play.
King
What is the matter with me?
weeping
Ah! I have had another attack. Get this rabbit out of my sight.
He lays his head on the table, and sobs sorrowfully.
A Courtier
His majesty is greatly afflicted.
The spectators in the pit begin to stamp and whistle violently; they cough and hiss; the spectators in the gallery
laugh; the king gets up, arranges his cloak and with great majesty takes his seat on the throne with his sceptre. It is
all in vain, however; the noise gets louder and louder; none of the actors stays in character; a terrible pause on the
stage. Hinze has climbed up a column.
Aghast, The Playwright appears on the stage.
Playwright
Gentlemen honored members of the audience just a few words!
Spectators in the Pit

Silence!! Silence! The fool wishes to speak!
Playwright
For heaven's sake, don't disgrace me like this; the act is almost over. Look, the king has even regained his
composure; why can't you take a leaf out of his book? This great soul has surely more reason than you to be beside
himself.
Fischer
More than us?
Wiesener
to his neighbor
But why you are stamping? The two of us were enjoying the play, weren't we?
38
Wiesener's Neighbor
You're absolutely right I guess, because they're all doing it.
He claps for all he's worth.
Playwright
A few of the hecklers are still on my side. For pity's sake, please give my poor play a chance; a rogue always gives
more than he has; it will all be over soon. I'm so confused and upset that I can't think of anything else to say.
Spectators
We're not listening! We don't care what you have to say!
Playwright
He drags the pacifier forward angrily
The king has calmed down, now calm this raging torrent too, if you can!
Beside himself, he rushes off.
The Pacifier plays his bells, the stamping keeps time with his music; he beckons; Monkeys and Bears appear and
dance affectionately around him, Eagles and Other Birds; an eagle sits on Hinze's head, who is terrified, two
Elephants and two Lions also dance.
Ballet and singing.
The Quadrupeds
That sounds glorious
The Birds
That sounds beautiful
All the Animals in Chorus

Never before have I heard or seen the like!
After this, all present dance an artful quadrille; the king and his courtiers are conducted into the centre, including
Hinze and Hanswurst. Everyone applauds and laughs. The spectators in pit stand up to get a better view; several
hats fall down from the gallery.
Pacifier
singing during the ballet, while the spectators show their delight
If only every honest bloke
Could bells like these discover,
His enemies he would revoke,
Without a hitch they'd vanish;
And his life from thence would be
Sweet and loving harmony.
The curtain falls; everyone cheers and applauds; the ballet can still be heard for a short while.
39
Notes
[1] Ei, der Tausend!: A German interjection expressing shock or surprise. It is usually translated into English as, The deuce!, Dear me!, Zounds!
or Good gracious; but the literal translation is, Why, the thousand!.
[2] Shakespeare, Hamlet, Act 1, Scene 5.
[3] Schiller, Don Carlos, Act 2, Scene 2.

INTERVAL
__________
Wiesener
Splendid! Splendid!
Wiesener's Neighbor
Now, that's what I'd call a heroic ballet.
Wiesener
And so beautifully woven into the main plot!
Leutner
Beautiful music!
Fischer
Divine!
Schlosser
The ballet is the play's only redeeming feature.
Btticher
The performance of the cat continues to amaze me. A truly great and experienced actor is always known by his
attention to detail; for example, whenever he took the rabbit out of the sack, he always lifted it by the ears the
stage directions did not instruct him to do that; did you notice how the king grabbed it carelessly by the body? But
these animals should always be held by the ears, because that's where they can best tolerate it. Now, that's what I call
a master!
Mller
Beautifully explained!
Fischer
aside
I wish someone would lift him by the ears!
Btticher
And his terror when the eagle was sitting on his head! He didn't dare move for fear, he didn't budge an inch no,
such perfection is beyond description!
Mller
You take a very thorough view of the matter.
Btticher
40
I flatter myself that I am a bit of a connoisseur; of course, the same cannot be said for all of you, and for that reason
the matter must be explained to you somewhat.
Fischer
You shouldn't put yourself to so much trouble!
Btticher
Oh, when you love art as much as I do, it is no trouble at all! Just now a very clever idea occurred to me
concerning the cat's boots, one in which the genius of the actor is to be admired. You see, at the outset he was a
cat; so he had to discard his natural apparel in order to assume the appropriate guise of a cat. But then he has to
appear as a hunter (or so I assume, since every one refers to him as such and no one is surprised at his appearance);
an inept actor would no doubt have worn a hunting costume: but what would have happened to our illusion?
We might perhaps have forgotten that he was still primarily a cat. And imagine how uncomfortable a new costume
would be for the actor on top of the fur he was already wearing! By means of the boots alone, however, he very
skilfully suggests the hunter's costume; that such suggestions are entirely dramatic is superbly demonstrated for us
by the ancients, who often
Fischer
Again with the ancients!
Btticher
Forgive me, it is a pleasant, not to mention commendable, habit that I have acquired, one which suits all kinds of
modern refinement. Anyway, gentlemen, it is my intention to publish a book of my own on the rle of the cat
(concerning which I shall be expecting some astute comments from all of you later), so I dearly wish we could enjoy
the play without so many interruptions. The scene in which he handed the rabbit to the king with such artistry was, I
thought, almost the acme of his performance, if we exclude the final scene, in which he displayed his genius even
more splendidly; for he played that one entirely with his left index finger and a slight movement of his right foot.
How many actors would have resorted to violent movements and loud screams? But he, he stood calmly by himself,
knowing himself, trusting his greatness, fully aware that the rabbit was sitting in the knapsack and he had only to
open it in order to make his fortune.
Schlosser
But he strikes us as rather boring.
Btticher
Perhaps you are merely fastidious, gentlemen. Were you not deeply shocked then by that unique and inimitable
scene in which the worthiest of his race had his venerable whiskers plucked on the orders of the tyrant? No doubt
you were expecting him to scream and stamp his foot and grind his teeth? How many of our stage bawlers, who are
lauded to the heavens whenever they play heroic rles, would have mobilized the entire battery of their talents in the
hope of eliciting the mob's applause? Not so our great and original artist. There he stands, silent, self-absorbed,
suppressing his pain; his right hand thrust into his unbuttoned waistcoat beneath the jabot, while his left hand,
stretched out with upturned palm, expresses his indignation, summoning the heavens themselves, as it were, to his
aid; his countenance remains unruffled, smiling almost, in contempt of the tyrant's servants; only a fleeting twinkle
flickers in his upturned eyes, revealing the full depth of his feelings, and then from the heaving breast a heartrending
cry is heard, Ow, Miaow, Miaow, so prolonged, so drawn out, so plaintive a whimpering that we are all left
breathless. But the feeling of indignation cannot be restrained forever; hence that sudden and bold outburst of anger,
which the jester called a purr, and before which even the shameless servants of the despot retreated. Truly this was
the pinnacle of all art. Indeed, I would like some day to see this unique individual play the rle of King Lear or
Wallenstein with the same snarling, whining and mewing tone. I am confident such an interpretation would be
unprecedented, and would contrast strongly with the performances of those bawlers who can only ever play the
tragic rles with so-called vigor and energy.
41
Fischer
That's just what we need! But this is insufferable: as soon as our tormentor up there on the stage falls silent, this
connoisseur takes over. One is as bad as the other! The curtain's rising.
Puss in Boots (Tieck)/Act 3/Prologue

ACT THREE
__________
Prologue
The parlor in the peasant's cottage.
_____
The Playwright, The Machinist.
Machinist
Do you really think then that that will do any good?
Playwright
I beg you, my honorable gentleman, I implore you, do not deny my request; you are my only hope; my salvation
depends upon you.
Leutner
Hey, how come we're back here again? What are these people doing in Gottlieb's parlor?
Schlosser
I just don't care anymore.
Machinist
But, my dear friend, you really are asking too much of me; you want all of this done in such a hurry, and without any
rehearsal.
Playwright
Must you too persecute me? You are as bad as my enemies down there: you all rejoice in my misfortune.
Machinist
Not in the least.
Playwright
prostrating himself before him
Then prove it to me by complying with my request; if at any point the audience begins to express its displeasure as
loudly as before, then at a signal from me set all the machines going! The finale of Act Two has already deviated
quite a bit from my original script.
Machinist
Hey, What's this? Who raised the curtain?
Playwright
Oh, it never rains but it pours! I am undone!
He rushes in embarrassment behind the scenes.
Machinist
I have never known as confusing an evening as this one.
42
Exit machinist. A pause.
Wiesener
Was that part of the play?
Wiesener's Neighbor
Of course; that scene will help us make sense of the following changes of scene.
Fischer
This evening will certainly go down in the annals.
King
behind the scenes
No, I'm not going out there again; I absolutely refuse; I couldn't bear to have them laugh at me again.
Playwright
But you my dear friend it can't be changed now.
Hanswurst
Well, I'm willing to chance it.
He steps forward and bows comically to the audience.
Mller
Hey, what's Hanswurst doing in the peasant's parlor now?
Schlosser
No doubt he is going to deliver a ludicrous soliloquy.
Hanswurst
Forgive me if I make bold to say a few words which are not actually in the script.
Fischer
If I were you I would save my breath. You're annoying enough as a character in the play; now you're just making
things worse
Schlosser
A mere jester, and he dares to address us!
Hanswurst
Why not? It doesn't worry me if people laugh at me; in fact, there is nothing that would please me more than if you
should condescend to laugh at me. No, no, please, don't feel embarrassed; we're all friends here.
Leutner
That is pretty funny!
Hanswurst
Naturally, that which hardly becomes a king is all the more appropriate for a fool; his majesty, therefore, has
declined to appear before you, and so it falls to me to make this important announcement.
Mller
We're not interested in anything you have to say!
Hanswurst
My dear fellow Germans
Schlosser
I believe this play is set in Asia?
43
Hanswurst
Maybe, I don't know. But now, you understand, I am merely an actor speaking to the spectators. I am no longer
Hanswurst, but rather an individual addressing the audience, an individual who is not a part of the theatrical illusion
but is, as it were, outside the illusion: removed, rational, independent, untouched by the absurdity of art. You get the
picture? Do you follow? Can you see the difference?
Schlosser
Goodbye! I'm off now. This is driving me bonkers. Just as I predicted.
Mller
We don't understand you at all.
Schlosser
How can you say such a thing to a clown?
Mller
But he just said that he's speaking now as an ordinary man.
Hanswurst
Please understand (and this is why I am here) that the scene you have just witnessed is not part of the play at all.
Fischer
Not part of the play? What was it doing there then?
Hanswurst
The curtain was raised too soon. It was a private conversation which would not have taken place on the stage at all if
we had more room backstage. So much the worse if you were deceived, but we can't do anything about that now.
You must try and eradicate that scene from your minds; because from this point on, you understand, from the
moment I leave the stage, the third act will have really begun. Between ourselves, however, the preceding scene had
nothing to do with it at all. Think of it as an extra scene thrown in for good measure, but which we would now like to
take back. But fear not: you shall be compensated; in fact there is a lot coming up now which is very relevant to the
plot, for I have spoken to the playwright himself and he has assured me of it.
Fischer
Yes, your playwright is a fine fellow indeed!
Hanswurst
He's useless, isn't he?
Mller
Absolutely. I'm glad to see, Hanswurst, that you are not completely lacking in discernment.
Hanswurst
And I'm really pleased to see that there is someone else who shares my taste
The Pit
All of us, all of us! We all feel the same way.
Hanswurst
Your obedient servant; you do me too much honor. Yes, God knows, he is a terrible writer just to give you a
simple example: look at the miserable part he has written for me! Where, pray, is the wit, the humor? My character
appears in so few scenes, and I believe if I had not stepped forward just now, thanks to a fortunate mishap, I might
not have appeared again at all.
Playwright
44
rushing onstage
Impudent fellow
Hanswurst
You see! He is even jealous of the small part I am playing now.
Playwright
on the other side of the stage, bowing
Honored friends! I would never have dared give this man a more important part, since I know your taste
Hanswurst
on the other side
Your taste? Now you see how jealous he is and yet you have all just declared that my taste and your taste were
both cast in the same mould.
Playwright
I only wished, by means of the present play, to prepare you for still more extravagant products of my imagination.
Everyone in the pit

Eh? What's he saying?
Playwright
For only by degrees can the mind be taught to love the fantastic and the humorous.
Hanswurst
The humorous! He talks big, but it's just a load of hot air. But wait a minute, perhaps he has written good rles, and
we just create very different characters out of them onstage.
Playwright
In the meantime, I take my leave of you: the play has been held up long enough as it is. And once again I beg your
forgiveness for the interruption.
Exit playwright.
Hanswurst
Goodbye, my dear friends, until we meet again.
He goes off, but immediately returns.
Hanswurst
By the way! One other thing! The discussion which has just taken place among us is, strictly speaking, not part of
the play either.
Exit Hanswurst.
Laughter in the pit.
Hanswurst
returning immediately
Let us finish this wretched piece today; pretend that you do not notice at all how bad it is, and as soon as I get home
I'll sit down and write you a play that you will be sure to like.
Exit Hanswurst to much applause.
45

ACT THREE
__________
Scene One
The parlor in the peasant's cottage.
_____
Enter Gottlieb and Hinze.
Gottlieb
Dear Hinze, it's true you are doing a lot for me, but I still can't see how it is supposed to help me.
Hinze
Upon my word, I shall make you happy. I will spare no effort to achieve this aim, no matter what pains I must take,
no matter what sacrifices I must make.
Gottlieb
My happiness must come soon, very soon, otherwise it will be too late it's already half-past-seven and this
comedy ends at eight.
Hinze
What the hell do you mean?
Gottlieb
Oh, I was just thinking about something else I meant to say: Otherwise we're both going to die of thirst. But look
at the beautiful sunrise. The bloody prompter keeps mumbling; and then if you try to extemporize once in a
while, it's sure to fall flat.
Hinze
quietly
Pull yourself together, man, or this piece will break into a thousand pieces.
Schlosser
What did he say about comedy and half-past-seven?
Fischer
I don't know; I think we ought to pay closer attention, it should be over soon.
Schlosser
Right, concentrate! Thank God we'll be released at eight; if we pay attention, we'll be out of here by eight; but nine?
No, no one could hold out till nine; and I'll be a basket case by ten.
Fischer
My dear chap, you are beginning to rave just like the characters in the play.
Schlosser
I know. Thanks to this play I won't be back to my old self for a long time.
Gottlieb
So my fortune will be decided this very day?
Hinze
46
Yes, dear Gottlieb, even before the sun sets. See, I love you so much that I would walk through fire for you and
you doubt my sincerity?
Wiesener
Did you hear that? He's going to walk through fire. Beautiful! Here we will no doubt have the scene from The
Magic Flute with the fire and the water!
Wiesener's Neighbor
But cats never go into the water.
Wiesener
Why, so much the greater is the cat's love for his master. Don't you see? That's the very point the author is trying to
get across.
Hinze
Tell me, what would you most like to be in the world?
Gottlieb
It's hard to say.
Hinze
Perhaps you'd like to be a prince, or a king?
Gottlieb
More than anything.
Hinze
And do you feel the strength within you to make an entire nation happy?
Gottlieb
Why not? Provided I'm happy myself to begin with.
Hinze
Well, then, rest assured you shall ascend the throne. I take my oath upon it.
Exit Hinze.
Gottlieb
Surely that would take a miracle! But then, of course, so many unexpected things happen in the world.
Exit Gottlieb.
Btticher
Note the untiring refinement with which the cat always holds his cane; so delicately, so courteously.
Fischer
You've been a nuisance to us long enough now with your refinements; you are even more boring than the play.
Mller
Yes, it's very annoying to have to listen to your analyses and eulogies all the time.
Btticher
But my enthusiasm for art demands expression.
Schlosser
Oh, put a sock in it! Here, Leutner, grab a hold of him; and you take his head, Mller; I have a machine here that will
keep his mouth shut and prevent him from speaking.
Btticher
47
But then you will no longer
Schlosser
That's it. Now put the gag over his mouth. And you engage the spring, Fischer. That should do the trick.
They gag him.
Btticher
But this is outrageous, I'm a connoiss
Schlosser
A connoisseur of art he's trying to say. There, things will be a little quieter over here now. Now we can watch the
rest of the play in peace and quiet.

ACT THREE
__________
Scene Two
Open country.
_____
Hinze
with knapsack and bag
I have become quite accustomed to hunting. Every day I catch partridges, rabbits and the like, and the dear little
animals are getting more and more practice at being caught.
He spreads out his bag.
Hinze
The season for catching nightingales is over now, I can't hear a single one.
Enter the Two Lovers.
He
Go away, I'm fed up with you.
She
And I find you repugnant.
He
A fine lover you are!
She
Miserable hypocrite! You deceived me!
He
What happened to your undying affection?
She
What about your fidelity?
He
Your rapture?
She
48
Your ecstasy?
Both
The devil has taken them! That's what comes of marrying.
Hinze
My hunting has suffered interruptions before, but never as bad as this. Do you mind; can't you see that this open
country is clearly too confined for your sorrows; could you not find some mountain to scale?
He
Rogue!
He gives Hinze a box on the ear.
She
Churl!
She gives Hinze a box on the other ear.
Hinze snarls.
She
I think it would be for the best if we got a divorce.
He
I am at your service.
Exeunt lovers.
Hinze
Nice people, these so-called humans. Look, two partridges; I'll carry them off right away. Now, Fortune, bestir
yourself, for I too am almost out of patience. I no longer have any desire to eat the partridges. It's clear that
through mere habit we can accustom our natures to every possible virtue.
He goes off.
Btticher
gagged
Heav - heav - n - ly!
Schlosser
Relax! You're just wasting your breath.
49

ACT THREE
__________
Scene Three
A hall in the palace.
_____
The King on his throne with The Princess; Leander at a lectern; opposite him, Hanswurst at another lectern; in the
centre of the hall a hat, covered in gold and decorated with colorful plumes, is atop a tall pole; the entire court has
been convened.
King
No greater service has any man rendered to the Fatherland than the gracious Count of Carabas. So often has his
hunter presented me with dainty and delicious gifts, sometimes even twice a day, that our historiographer has already
filled a thick volume with his accomplishments. My gratitude to him is boundless; my fondest desire is to find an
opportunity of one day discharging some of the great debt I owe him.
Princess
My dear father, would your most gracious majesty not permit the learned debate to begin? My heart yearns for
mental exercise.
King
Yes, it may begin now. Court scholar Court jester you both know that whichever of you triumphs in this
debate will be awarded that precious hat; for this very reason I have had it set up there, so that you may have it
always before your eyes and never lack for quick wit.
Leander and Hanswurst bow.
Leander
My thesis is that a recently published play by the name of Puss in Boots is a good play.
Hanswurst
That is precisely what I deny.
Leander
Prove that it's bad.
Hanswurst
You prove that it's good.
Leutner
Come again? Why, that's the very play they're staging here, if I'm not mistaken.
Mller
Correct! The very same.
Leander
The play, although not entirely sublime, is still worthy of praise in several respects.
Hanswurst
In no respect.
Leander
I maintain that it displays wit.
50
Hanswurst
I maintain that it doesn't.
Leander
You are a jester: how could you be a judge of wit?
Hanswurst
And you are a scholar: what would you know about wit?
Leander
Some of the characters are well-executed.
Hanswurst
Not a single one.
Leander
Well then, even if I concede everything else, at least the audience is well portrayed.
Hanswurst
An audience never has any character.
Leander
His insolence almost astonishes me.
Hanswurst
to the pit
Isn't he a foolish fellow? I and the honorable public are hand and glove with one another, as it were; as far as good
taste is concerned we are in complete agreement; and yet he wishes to maintain, in opposition to my opinion, that the
audience in Puss in Boots is well drawn.
Fischer
The audience? But there's no audience in the play.
Hanswurst
Even better! So, then, there is no audience in it at all?
Mller
God forbid! We would surely have noticed if there was.
Hanswurst
Of course you would. Now do you see, my learned friend? What these gentlemen down there are saying must surely
be true.
Leander
I'm getting confused but I still won't yield the victory to you.
Enter Hinze
Hanswurst
Mr Hunter, a word!
Hinze approaches; Hanswurst whispers to him.
Hinze
If that's all you want.
He takes off his boots and climbs up the pole, takes the hat, jumps down, and puts his boots on again.
Hanswurst
51
waving the hat
Victory is mine!
King
Good God! How skilful the hunter is!
Leander
My only regret is that I have been vanquished by a fool, and learning must strike sail before foolishness.
King
Be quiet. You wanted the hat, he wanted the hat: what's the difference? But what have you brought us now,
huntsman?
Hinze
The Count of Carabas commends himself most humbly to your majesty and takes the liberty of sending you these
two partridges.
King
Too much! too much! I am sinking under the burden of gratitude! The time is long past when I should have
discharged my duty and paid him a visit; for too long I have put it off, but no longer. Have the royal carriage
prepared at once, the eight-horse one, I want to go for a drive with my daughter! You, huntsman, shall show us
the way to the count's castle.
Exit the King with his retinue.
Hinze, Hanswurst
Hinze
What was your debate about, anyway?
Hanswurst
I maintained that a certain play called Puss in Boots, which, incidentally, I am not acquainted with at all, is a
wretched piece.
Hinze
Oh Yeah?
Hanswurst
Farewell, Mr Hunter, and many thanks.
He puts on the hat and leaves.
Hinze
alone
I'm so depressed. I have helped the fool to claim the victory by disparaging a play in which I myself am playing
the leading rle. O Fate! O cruel Fate! What entanglements you so often weave for us mortals! But be that as it
may, if I only succeed in putting my beloved Gottlieb on the throne, I will gladly forget all my other troubles: I will
forget the offence to myself and my very existence when I disarmed the better argument and, to my own injury,
placed weapons in the hands of folly; I will forget that my whiskers were plucked and my body almost cut up into
slices; yes, I will devote my life to my friend, and leave to the admiration of posterity the finest example of selfless
friendship. So the king wishes to visit the count? Well, that's another tricky situation which I must straighten out.
In his castle, which does not yet exist? Now the great day has arrived, the crucial day on which I especially
need these boots. Do not desert me today, do not tear on me today of all days; now is the time to show what durable
leather you are made of, and what strong soles you have! Up then, Feet and Boots! To work, for all must be decided
today.
52
Exit.
Schlosser
What's that you're trying to say?
Btticher
G Gr Great!!
Fischer
Can someone please tell me how it is that that the play itself can recur as a play within the play?
Schlosser
I can't think of anything else to say by which I might vent the anger that this piece has provoked. Behold poor
Btticher: a tongue-tied monument of my own exasperation.

ACT THREE
__________
Scene Four
Outside the tavern.
_____
The Landlord reaping corn with a scythe.
Landlord
This is hard work! Oh well, I can hardly expect people to desert every day; and I certainly cannot rely on my
children, they're good kids and they have the best of intentions, but when all is said and done, they're rather hopeless.
My life consists of nothing but work; drawing beer, filling glasses, rinsing out the empties, and now I even have to
reap corn. To live is to work. A scholar who once passed this way said that to live well you must be prepared to
forego sleep, because when fate comes knocking on your door, you will not hear it if you're asleep in bed. Certainly,
that chap must never have been tired or had a good night's sleep, because as far as I'm concerned there is nothing as
delightful or as excellent as sleep. I wish it wasn't so long until my bedtime.
Enter Hinze.
Hinze
Whoever wants to hear something wonderful, listen to me now! I have been running non-stop all day! First, from the
royal palace to Gottlieb; then with Gottlieb to the palace of the Bugbear, where I left him out in the woods; then from
there back again to the king; and finally, I am now racing ahead of the king's coach like a courier and showing him
the way. O my legs, my feet and my boots! How much they have had to do today! Hey, my good friend!
Landlord
Who's there? Countryman, surely you must be a stranger, for the locals know that I do not sell beer at this time of
the year; I need it all for myself; when one does work like mine, one must fortify oneself; I'm terribly sorry, but I
cannot help you.
Hinze
I don't want any beer, I never drink beer; I just want to say a few words to you.
Landlord
You must be a proper idler indeed, to try and disturb hard-working people at their labor.
53
Hinze
I don't wish to disturb you. Just listen: the neighboring king will be driving past here shortly; he will probably get out
and ask who these villages belong to; if you value your life and do not wish to be hanged or burned at the stake, then
be sure to reply: the Count of Carabas.
Landlord
But, Sir, surely we are all subject to the law.
Hinze
I know that well enough, but, as I said, if you do not wish to die, this region here belongs to the Count of Carabas.
Exit Hinze.
Landlord
Many thanks! Now, this could be an excellent opportunity for me to get out of ever having to work again. All I
have to do is tell the king that this country belongs to the Bugbear. But no. Idleness is the root of all evil: Ora et
labora is my motto.[1]
A fine carriage drawn by eight horses, followed by many servants; the carriage stops; The King and The Princess
step out.
Princess
I am somewhat curious to see this Count.
King
So am I, my dear. Good day, my friend! To whom do these villages here belong?
Landlord
aside
He asks as if he wanted to have me hanged on the spot. They belong to the Count of Carabas, your majesty.
King
What a beautiful country! I always thought that the countryside would look very different on the other side of the
border, judging from the maps. Give me a hand.
He quickly climbs up a tree.
Princess
What are you doing, my royal father?
King
I love the beauties of Nature, especially her panoramic views.
Princess
Can you see far?
King
Oh, yes, and if those blasted mountains weren't stuck there right in front of my nose, I would be able to see even
further. Arggh! This tree is full of caterpillars!
He climbs down again.
Princess
That's because it's a part of nature which has not yet been idealized; imagination must first ennoble it.
King
I wish your imagination could get rid of these caterpillars for me. But get in, we must be on our way.
Princess
54
Farewell, you kind and simple peasant.

They get in; the carriage drives off.
Landlord
How the world has been turned upside down! From what I've read in old books or heard old folk say, anyone who
spoke to a king or a prince always got gold coins or precious objects for his trouble. But now! How is one to get rich
quick if unexpected fortunes are no longer to made out of passing monarchs? If I were a king, I wouldn't dream of
opening my mouth to anyone without first putting some money in his hand. Simple peasant! Would to God it
were a simple matter to pay off all my debts.[2] But that's what comes of these modern sentimental depictions of
country life. Even a powerful king like that is jealous of our sort. I suppose I should be thankful he didn't hang
me. The foreign hunter must have been the Bugbear himself after all. Oh well, at least it will be reported in the
newspapers that his majesty condescended to speak with me.
Exit.
Notes
[1] Ora et labora: (Latin) Pray and work; part of the Benedictine Rule observed in medieval monasteries.
[2] Unschuldiger Landmann! Wollte Gott, ich wre nichts schuldig: Innocent peasant! Would to God I owed nothing. The German pun on
unschuldiger and schuldig is difficult to convey in English.

ACT THREE
__________
Scene Five
Another part of the country.
_____
Kunz reaping corn.
Kunz
This is damned hard work! It wouldn't be so bad if I were doing it for myself, but the corve! Here we are obliged to
sweat for the Bugbear and he does not even thank us. Of course they always say that laws are necessary to keep
the people in order, but why our particular Law, who devours us all, should be necessary is quite beyond me.[1]
Enter Hinze running.
Hinze
Now I have blisters on the soles of my feet! Oh well, who cares? So long as Gottlieb ends up on the throne.
Hey, my good friend!
Kunz
Who on earth is this chap, then?
Hinze
The king will be driving past here presently. If he asks you who all this belongs to, you must reply: the Count of
Carabas. Otherwise you will be chopped up into a billion little pieces. The law demands it for the common good.
Fischer
What? For the common good?
Schlosser
55
Of course, otherwise this play would never end.
Hinze
I presume you hold your life dear!
Exit Hinze.
Kunz
That's just what edicts always sound like. Well, I don't mind having to say that, provided no new taxes result from it.
One should always be wary of innovation.
The coach pulls up and stops; The King and The Princess get out.
King
Another beautiful spot. We have already seen lots of really nice spots. To whom does this land here belong?
Kunz
The Count of Carabas.
King
Upon my word! The count has splendid estates and so close to mine. My dear, he would be quite a catch for you.
What do you think?
Princess
You're embarrassing me, father. But what new things one sees while traveling! Pray tell me, kind peasant, why
are you cutting that straw?
Kunz
laughing
Why, this is the harvest, Mistress Queen. Corn.
King
Corn? Why, whatever do you need that for?
Kunz
laughing
To bake our bread, of course.
King
For heaven's sake, my dear! Bread is baked out of that! Who could ever have come up with such a trick!
Isn't Nature wonderful? Here, my good friend, get yourself a drink, it's hot today.
He gets in again with the Princess; the carriage drives off.
Kunz
Not know what corn is! I guess you learn something new every day. If he hadn't given me a shiny piece of gold
and if he wasn't a king, you'd almost think he was just a simpleminded fellow. Oh well, I might as well go and get
myself a can of good beer now. Not know what corn is!
Exit Kunz.
56
Notes
[1] In an earlier scene we were told that the Bugbear's name is Gesetz, which means Law.

ACT THREE
__________
Scene Six
Another part of the country, beside a river.
_____
Gottlieb
I've been standing around here waiting for my good friend Hinze for two hours now. There's still no sign of him.
Ah, there he is now! But look how fast he's running! He seems to be all out of breath.
Enter Hinze running.
Hinze
Now, my dear Gottlieb, quickly, take off your clothes.
Gottlieb
My clothes?
Hinze
And then jump into the water here.
Gottlieb
Into the water?
Hinze
And then I'll throw your clothes into the bushes.
Gottlieb
Into the bushes?
Hinze
And then you'll be sorted!
Gottlieb
I couldn't have put it better myself; when I'm drowned and naked, I will be adequately provided for.
Hinze
This is no time for jokes
Gottlieb
I'm not joking. Is this what I've been waiting here for?
Hinze
Get undressed!
Gottlieb
Well, anything to please you.
Hinze
57
Come on, you only have to take a quick dip.

He leaves with Gottlieb, then returns with the clothes, which he throws into the bushes.
Hinze
Help! Help! Help!
The carriage drives up. The King looks out of the coach door.
King
What is it, huntsman? Why are you screaming?
Hinze
Help, your majesty, the Count of Carabas has drowned!
King
Drowned!
Princess
in the carriage
Carabas!
King
My daughter fainted! The Count drowned!
Hinze
Perhaps he can still be saved; he is lying there in the water.
King
Servants! Spare no effort! Save the noble man!
A Servant
We have rescued him, your majesty.
Hinze
One misfortune after another, my lord! While the Count was bathing here in the clear stream, some scroundrel
stole his clothes.
King
Unstrap my trunk at once! Give him some of my clothes! Cheer up, my dear, the Count has been saved.
Hinze
I must hurry.
Exit Hinze.
Enter Gottlieb in the king's clothes.
Gottlieb
Your majesty
King
This must be the Count! I recognize him from my clothes! Get in, my dear chap how do you do? Where do
you get all the rabbits? I'm beside myself with joy! Drive on, coachman!
The carriage drives off quickly.
A Servant
The devil himself couldn't get out of there fast enough now I have the pleasure of running after them on foot, and
I'm as wet as a drowned rat to boot.
58
Leutner
How many more times, I wonder, will the carriage appear? This scenario has been repeated far too often.
Wiesener
Neighbor! Why, you're asleep!
Wiesener's Neighbor
Not at all a fine play!

ACT THREE
__________
Scene Seven
The Palace of the Bugbear.
_____
Discovered, The Bugbear as a rhinoceros; A Poor Peasant is standing in front of him.
Peasant
May it please your grace
Bugbear
Justice must be done, my friend.
Peasant
But I can't pay you now.
Bugbear
But you lost the case; the law demands your money and your punishment; your estates must be sold off; you have no
alternative under the law.
Exit peasant.
Bugbear
who has turned back into an ordinary bugbear
These people would lose all respect for me if I did not force them to fear me like this.
A Bailiff enters, bowing profusely.
Bailiff
May it please you my lord I
Bugbear
What's the matter, my friend?
Bailiff
With your kindest permission, your grace, I tremble in your formidable presence.
Bugbear
Oh, this is not nearly my most terrifying form.
Bailiff
I came in fact in the matter of to beg you to take my part against my neighbor I also brought this purse with
me but the sight of the Grand Inquisitor is too horrifying.
59
The Bugbear suddenly turns himself into a mouse and sits in a corner.
Bailiff
Hey, where has the Bugbear gone?
Bugbear
in a delicate voice
Just put the money down there on the table; I will sit here to avoid frightening you.
Bailiff
Here.
He puts the money down.
Bailiff
Oh, this justice is a wonderful thing. How can one be afraid of such a mouse!
Exit bailiff.
Bugbear
assuming his natural form
Not a bad purse one must also take pity on human frailty.
Enter Hinze.
Hinze
With your permission
aside
Courage, Hinze, courage
aloud
Your Excellency
Bugbear
What do you want?
Hinze
I am a traveling scholar who wishes to take the liberty of making your acquaintance, your excellency.
Bugbear
Very well, then, make my acquaintance.
Hinze
You are a mighty prince; your love of justice is known all over the world.
Bugbear
Yes, I don't doubt it. Do sit down.
Hinze
I have heard many wonderful things about Your Highness
Bugbear
Yes, people are always looking for something to talk about, and it is only natural that the reigning monarch should
take pride of place in their discussions.
Hinze
But there is one thing I just cannot believe: that Your Excellency can transform himself into an elephant or a tiger.
Bugbear
60
I can give you an example of my powers right now.

He turns himself into a lion.
Hinze
trembling, he pulls out a notebook
Permit me to make a note of this curiosity. But now could you please resume your own charming form?
Otherwise I shall die of fright.
Bugbear
in his natural form
That's some trick, eh, my dear fellow?
Hinze
Amazing! But one more thing: they also say you can transform yourself into very small animals; with all due respect,
I find that even more inconceivable; for, pray tell, what becomes then of your not inconsiderable bulk?
Bugbear
Let me show you.
He transforms himself into a mouse; Hinze leaps after him on all fours; the Bugbear flees terrified into another
room, with Hinze in hot pursuit.
Hinze
returning
Freedom and Equality! The Law has been devoured! Now surely the Tiers tat Gottlieb will take office.[1]
Everyone in the pit stamps and hisses.
Schlosser
Wait! This is a revolutionary play after all! I suspect there's an allegorical and mystical meaning behind every word.
Stop! Stop! Now I wish I could reflect on everything and experience it all again in order to spot all the hints and
hidden suggestions, and to plumb the work's religious depths. Stop! Don't stamp! They should perform the play
again from the beginning. Stop this infernal racket!
The stamping continues; Wiesener and several others applaud; Hinze is totally perplexed.
Btticher
I must
Fischer
Keep quiet.
Btticher
Must must
Mller
He's really struggling! Look how he's inflating himself!
Fischer
I'd be afraid he might burst with the effort.
Btticher
Must must
Fischer
For heaven's sake, you'll kill yourself!
61
Btticher
Prpr
very loud
Praise!!
The gag flies out of his mouth, across the orchestra, onto the stage, and lands on Hinze's head.
Hinze
Ow! Arggh! They're throwing stones at me! I've been mortally wounded in the head!
He runs away.
Btticher
Must praise, extol, apotheosize and interpret the heavenly, nay unique, talent of this peerless man, to which nothing
comparable is to be found in this or any other country. Oh, for shame! Now he must think that in my attempt to extol
him I was actually trying to harm him, and all because that infernal gag landed on his sacred laurel-crowned head.
Fischer
It was like a cannon shot.
Mller
Leave him, he's only prattling on and praising his precious actor, but grab a hold of Schlosser, who's now become
rabid.
Schlosser
Oh, the profundity, the profundity of mystical opinions! Oh, surely now in the final scene the so-called cat will kneel
down on the mountaintops before the rising Sun, whose rosy-fingered rays will shine through his transparent body!
But, alas, now we are going to be deprived of this glorious scene! Listen! Will this stamping never cease! No, you
wretches, let me go Get away!
Leutner
Here, Fischer, luckily I found a piece of strong twine in the orchestra pit; there, tie his hands.
Mller
And his feet, he's thrashing about like a madman.
Btticher
Ah, that's better. How free I feel, now that my gag has flown far away into the wide world! Now my eulogies can
overflow once more like a raging torrent that has burst its banks, copious and prolix. I can display my learning with
allusions and quotations, and reel off purple passages from the ancients. Oh, what grace this man has! How
ingeniously he expressed his weariness by slightly bending and cracking his knees when he was obliged to stand
still, and not by wiping the sweat from his brow, as a common artiste would have done; no, he had no time for such
nonsense, not he the foremost, the unique, the superhuman, the colossal, the Titanic!
Fischer
Now that the barrage has been removed, he starts up with the hymns right on cue.
Mller
Leave him; Schlosser is much worse.
Schlosser
Ah! Now the secret society that is working for the good of humanity should appear; now freedom is to be
proclaimed, and I am in chains!
The tumult increases, as does the clamor in the pit and in the gallery.
62
Leutner
Now, this is one hell of a spectacle! It's as if the whole theater were about to collapse.
Playwright
in the wings
Madness! Leave me alone But where can I flee?
He rushes distraught onto the stage.
Playwright
What am I to do, most miserable of wretches? The play will be over presently everything might have run
smoothly and to think I was expecting this moral scene to win me so much acclaim. If only it weren't so far
from here to the king's palace I could fetch the pacifier at the end of the second act he made all the
fables of Orpheus seem credible to me. But what a fool I am! I'm totally confused; Here I am standing on
the stage while the pacifier must be somewhere behind the scenes. I will look for him I must find him
he will save me!
The Playwright leaves the stage; he returns promptly.
Playwright
He is not there. Pacifier! An empty echo mocks me. Hurry, your honor! Just a little mediating criticism
and the whole country which is now in uproar will be pacified. We liked the whole of the play we
only failed to understand the middle section audience and me alike! Mediator! Pacifier! Slightly better
criticism to end this anarchy! Alas! He has deserted me. Ha!! There he is he must come onstage!
The pauses are filled by stamping from the pit; the playwright delivers this monologue in recitative, so that the effect
is one of melodrama.
Pacifier
behind the scenes
No, I shan't go on.
Playwright
Come on, show some courage, man! I'm sure you'll be a great success.
Pacifier
The uproar is too terrifying.
Playwright
forcing him onto the stage
The whole world is waiting for you! Get out there! Mediate! Pacify!
Pacifier
coming onstage with his glockenspiel
Well, I'll have a go.
He sounds the bells and sings.
Pacifier
63
Within these hallowed halls
Revenge is quite unknown,
For if a man has fallen
Love leads him back to duty.
Then is he led by friendly hand,
Content and glad, to a better land.
Wherefore this wild uproar,
This eccentricity?
All must be silent now
When criticism speaks;
Then we'll know just where we stand,
Every child can sense the ideal.
The pit begins to applaud, while the scene is changed; the fire-and-water music from The Magic Flute begins to
play, above appears the open temple of the Sun, the sky is clear and Jupiter is sitting in it; below is Hell with
Tarkaleon; goblins and witches onstage, many lights. Unrestrained applause from the audience, everything is in
turmoil.
Wiesener
Now the cat only has to pass through fire and water, and the play will be over.
Enter The King, The Princess, Gottlieb, Hinze, with bandaged head, Servants.
Hinze
This is the palace of the Count of Carabas. What the dickens! This place has certainly undergone some
transformation!
King
A beautiful palace!
Hinze
Since things have gone this far,
taking Gottlieb by the hand
you must first pass through the fire here, and then through the water.
Gottlieb walks through fire and water to the sound of flute and timpani.
Hinze
You have survived the ordeal; now, my prince, you have been found worthy to govern.
Gottlieb
Governing, Hinze, is a peculiar thing. I'm beginning to feel a little luke-warm about it now.
King
And now accept my daughter's hand.
Princess
How happy I am!
Gottlieb
Me too. But, my lord, I wish I could also reward my servant.
King
By all means; I hereby raise him to the peerage.
64
He presents the cat with a medal.
King
What exactly is his name?
Gottlieb
Hinze; he was born into a humble family, but his virtues exalt him.
Leander quickly steps forward.
Leander
Make way! Make way!
He pushes his way through the crowd.
Leander
I have ridden posthaste in order to offer my adorable princess and her husband-to-be my heartiest congratulations.
He steps forward and bows to the audience
Our play is done, despite the busy claws
Of spite, our tale shall ring throughout the world
For aeons judged according to its merits:
If then forgotten are those braggart antics
Which oft break out, as 'twere, from pride and conceit;
Then still shall songs and still sweet poems sing
From pretty lips the praise of cats,
So sleek, and coaxing, silent, and forbearing.
Great Hinze has his humble race ennobled,
He little recks of broken limbs or head,
Nor monstrous bogeymen that sneer at him.
If Insult now dare call these felines stupid,
Insanely giving precedence to dogs,
Refute her not oh no! just mention ... Hinze!
Loud and universal rapping. The curtain falls.
References
[1] Tiers tat: (French) Third Estate, an expression used during the French Revolution for the Commons, which comprised the third chamber of
the French Parliament (the clergy and nobility being respectively the First and Second Estates).
Puss in Boots (Tieck)/Epilogue
65

Epilogue
__________
King
stepping out from behind the curtain
Tomorrow we will have the honor of repeating today's performance.
Fischer
What insolence!
Everyone stamps. The King is thrown into confusion, he retreats, then returns.
King
Tomorrow: Allzu scharf macht schartig.
[1]
All
Yes! That's better!
The King leaves the stage to general applause. There are cries of "The final scenery! The final scenery!"
Behind the Curtain

Really! Well, since they are calling for the final scenery!
The curtain rises, the stage is empty; only the scenery is to be seen. Hanswurst comes forward, bowing.
Hanswurst
Forgive me for being so bold as to thank you on behalf of the scenery; it is only right that the scenery should be at
least a little polite. She will strive to earn the applause of an enlightened audience in the future too; therefore she
certainly shall not lack for lamps or the necessary adornments, for the applause of such an assembly will so so
so encourage her oh, look, see how she is moved to tears and can no longer speak.
He leaves the stage quickly and dries his eyes, several people in the pit start crying, the senery is taken down,
leaving the walls of the stage bare; people start to leave; The Prompter climbs out of his box; The Playwright
emerges meekly onto the stage.
Playwright
I am free once again
Fischer
Are you still there?
Mller
You should be gone home by now.
Playwright
Just a few more words with your kind permission! My play has flopped
Fischer
Who are you talking to?
Mller
So we noticed.
Playwright
I, perhaps, am not entirely to blame
66
Mller
Who else, then? Whose fault was that we were compelled to tie up this worthy young man here, who would
otherwise have run amok like a madman? Who else, if not you, is to blame for leaving us addleheaded and confused?
Schlosser
Enlightened man! Isn't it true that your noble drama presents a mystical theory revealing the nature of love?
Playwright
Not to my knowledge; I was just trying to restore to all of you the lost sentiments of your childhood, so that you
could experience whole-heartedly the depicted fairytale, but without regarding it as something more important than it
actually was.
Leutner
That is not an easy thing to do, my good man.
Playwright
Admittedly, you would then have to put all your schooling aside for two hours.
Fischer
How is that possible, then?
Playwright
Forget all you have ever learned
Mller
Why not, indeed?
Playwright
Just as they have done in the newspapers.
Mller
Just think what that would entail!
Playwright
In short, you would need to become children again.
Fischer
But we thank God that we are no longer children.
Leutner
Our schooling has cost us enough toil and sweat as it is.
Drumrolls are heard again.
Prompter
You should try to compose a few verses, Mr Poet; they might earn you more respect.
Playwright
Perhaps I can come up with a Xenie.[2]
Prompter
What's that?
Playwright
A newfangled style of poetry that makes one feel better than can be described.
Addressing the pit
67
Ladies and Gentlemen, your judgement should guide me just a little;
But you must first prove that you understand me just a little.
Rotten pears and apples and balled-up pieces of paper are thrown at him from the pit.
Playwright
Those men down there are too well-versed in this type of poetry for me.
Mller
Come on, Fischer, Leutner, let's drag Schlosser home, a sacrificial victim to Art.
Schlosser
while they are hauling him off
Do your worst, vulgarians, the light of love and truth will still permeate the universe.
They all leave.
Playwright
I'm going home too.
Btticher
Hist! Mr Poet!
Playwright
What is it?
Btticher
I was not one of your detractors, but the captivating performance of that unique man who played the virtuous Hinze
has somewhat prevented me from fully comprehending the art of dramatic composition, but to which, all the same, I
also want to see that justice is done; now I would just like to know whether this great man is staying in the theater.
Playwright
No. But what did you want him for?
Btticher
Just to worship him a little and expound his greatness. But could you please hand me that gag over there; I think
I'll keep it as a souvenir of the barbarism of my age and of my compatriots.
Playwright
Here.
Btticher
I will always remember your kindness with gratitude.
He leaves.
Playwright
Oh, you ungrateful century!
He leaves. The few people who are still in the theater go home.
The End
Notes
[1] A play by August Wilhelm Iffland.
[2] Xenie: Die Xenien was a collection of satirical epigrams by Goethe and Schiller, in which they avenged themselves on their critics.
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Puss in Boots

Puss in Boots (Tieck)/Act 1/Scene 1

Puss in Boots (Tieck)/Prologue

Puss in Boots (Tieck)/Prologue

Puss in Boots (Tieck)/Prologue

Puss in Boots (Tieck)/Prologue

The Playwright comes out from behind the curtain

Puss in Boots (Tieck)/Prologue

Puss in Boots (Tieck)/Prologue

Voices from the Gallery

Puss in Boots (Tieck)/Act 1/Scene 1

Puss in Boots (Tieck)/Act 1/Scene 1

Puss in Boots (Tieck)/Act 1/Scene 1

Puss in Boots (Tieck)/Act 1/Scene 1

Puss in Boots (Tieck)/Act 1/Scene 1

You read my thoughts perfectly.

Puss in Boots (Tieck)/Act 1/Scene 1

Puss in Boots (Tieck)/Act 1/Scene 1

Puss in Boots (Tieck)/Act 1/Scene 1

Puss in Boots (Tieck)/Prologue

Puss in Boots (Tieck)/Act 1/Scene 2

Puss in Boots (Tieck)/Act 1/Scene 2

Puss in Boots (Tieck)/Act 1/Scene 2

Puss in Boots (Tieck)/Act 1/Scene 2

Puss in Boots (Tieck)/Act 1/Scene 2

Puss in Boots (Tieck)/Act 1/Scene 2

Puss in Boots (Tieck)/Act 1/Scene 3

We just call him Bugbear.

Puss in Boots (Tieck)/Act 1/Scene 3

Puss in Boots (Tieck)/Act 1/Scene 3

Well, thank God we made it this far! Your health, neighbor!

Puss in Boots (Tieck)/Interval 1

Puss in Boots (Tieck)/Interval 1

The Moors in Kotzebue

after all, a horse is just another kind of Moor.

Puss in Boots (Tieck)/Interval 1

Puss in Boots (Tieck)/Act 2/Scene 1

Puss in Boots (Tieck)/Act 2/Scene 1

Puss in Boots (Tieck)/Act 2/Scene 1

I hope you're satisfied with that.

Puss in Boots (Tieck)/Act 2/Scene 2

Puss in Boots (Tieck)/Act 2/Scene 2

Puss in Boots (Tieck)/Act 2/Scene 2

You're beginning to rave, my dear!

Puss in Boots (Tieck)/Act 2/Scene 2

Puss in Boots (Tieck)/Act 2/Scene 2

Puss in Boots (Tieck)/Act 2/Scene 3

Puss in Boots (Tieck)/Act 2/Scene 3

Puss in Boots (Tieck)/Act 2/Scene 3

I must think of everything, otherwise it's always sure to be done wrong.

Puss in Boots (Tieck)/Act 2/Scene 3

Puss in Boots (Tieck)/Act 2/Scene 4

Puss in Boots (Tieck)/Act 2/Scene 4

I don't eat vegetables.

Puss in Boots (Tieck)/Act 2/Scene 4

May it please your majesty

Puss in Boots (Tieck)/Act 2/Scene 4

Puss in Boots (Tieck)/Act 2/Scene 4

Puss in Boots (Tieck)/Act 2/Scene 4