NEWSLETTER

COUNSELING BY JUDY

SPRING 2015

THE VALUE OF SELFSelf-esteem is a reflection of how we feel about

ESTEEM
ourselves and how worthy we consider ourselves to be.
Those feelings are based on the degree to which we believe
we are lovable and capable. Good relationships, successful
experiences, and positive thinking all promote high selfesteem.
Self-esteem is developed primarily during childhood.
It is shaped largely by the positive and negative messages
we receive from our parents, family members, friends, and
society. Early on, our parents are the most influential; they
serve as a psychological mirror through which we see
ourselves. When were young, we accept and internalize
information and labels that are bestowed upon us. We dont

Too many people

overvalue what
they are not and
undervalue what
they are.

question our parents appraisals or expectations of us; we

question our own adequacy. Predominantly negative input
(via words and actions) results in low self-esteem, leading to
denial of personal needs, harsh personal judgments, and
feelings of inferiority. Invariably, low self-esteem negatively
impacts our relationships as well. Individuals with low selfesteem feel compelled to control other people and things, as
well as obtain constant approval and reassurance.
Interactions are often strained; feelings of victimization and

Judy Kaminsky, LMFT

abandonment
commonly
experienced.
Specializing
in, butare
not limited
to, Marriage
& Family Therapy
600 West Germantown Pike- Suite 400
PlymouthPositive
Meeting,self-esteem
Pennsylvania 19462
is the key to achieving success

in

(610)-940-1710
life. If we believe we have what it takes to succeed, we can
counselingbyjudy@comcast.net
do so.
Although circumstances can cause our sense of selfwww.counselingbyjudy.com

worth to fluctuate, it is our core beliefs about ourselves- our

~Malcolm S.
Forbes

overall sense of value. Personal success is the fuel that

sustains it.
Lorem Ipsum

SIGNS OF LOW SELF-ESTEEM

Insecurity
Reluctance to take on
challenges
Overwhelming fear of
failure
Self-doubt
Self-deprecating
thoughts
Passivity; social
withdrawal and anxiety
around others

HOW TO Promote POSITIVE

SELF-ESTEEM IN CHILDREN
Provide unconditional love.

Intense fear of intimacy Establish developmentally

appropriate goals &
Excessive fear of
expectations.
rejection
Undue concern about
what others might think
of us
Difficulty accepting
compliments or
recognition

Provide opportunities for

building skills and for
potential achievements.
Encourage your child to
face challenges & take
appropriate risks.

Reluctance to consider
our own needs; Selfneglect
Condemnation of others
in order to feel good
about ourselves
Self-blame
Lack of faith in our own
judgment
Need for constant
reassurance & approval

Avoid rescuing. It conveys

the message you dont
think your child can handle
it alone. Instead, provide
support & encouragement.
Communicate your

Spend quality time playing,

relaxing, & working with
him/her.
Value your childs unique
strengths, interests, &
skills.
When expressing
disapproval, focus on the
behavior, NOT the child.
Demonstrate genuine
interest in your childs
activities, hobbies, etc.
Never compare one child to
another.
Convey respect for your
childs feelings, beliefs, and

confidence in your child

individuality, by listening

and in his/her future.

with sincere interest.

Avoid using putdowns,
labels, and name-calling.

TIPS FOR IMPROVING SELF-ESTEEM

Healthy relationships, job satisfaction, and overall happiness
depend largely on good self-esteem. When you feel positive
about yourself, you have an easier time coping with your
mistakes, disappointments, and failures; you are more likely to
persevere. Raising self-esteem cannot be accomplished by simply
being bombarded with praise from other people. Empty praise is
superficial and, as such, it is experienced as meaningless. Selfesteem must be developed through personal accomplishments,
individualized attention, and connection with others. Establish
realistic goals and expectations for yourself, and learn skills
required to achieve those goals. Believe in your abilities and in
yourself. Doing so may require you to change your belief system
about yourself. Do you need to replace negative self-talk with
more supportive and compassionate self-talk? Keep in mind that
it is counterproductive to negatively compare yourself to others.
Instead, focus on your good qualities, achievements, and talents.
Rather than viewing your perceived failures as inadequacies, look
at them as temporary setbacks. Avoid discounting the things that
go well for you and refrain from magnifying the things that do not
go well. It is more productive to concentrate on the positive
experiences, using them as springboards for future successes.
When you make mistakes along the way, and everyone does, view
them as learning opportunities. Acknowledge and validate
yourself on a daily basis for your accomplishments and efforts as
a partner, friend, parent, and/or coworker. Strive for achievement
rather than perfection. As the saying goes, Perfection is the