P.E.P.A.

Y
A SHORT STORY

By. C.J.L

Along the busy street, night dawns on the road. Certificate of enslavement is proven by the ruined houses
of local Filipinos, dilapidated, worn out and utterly unused. Dark rooms encircle houses with solemn
emptiness. Rooms, where ruckus and laughter usually were found, lie in the midst of a lonely home.
Much of the centuries have driven the country to complete desolation. Life itself has been tough, but
given the torture and demise my fellow countrymen has suffered, it bore too much weight to be carried.

A house stands out among the others, not because of its grandiose, but because of its derelict aura. The
house stands amongst the gorgeous Spanish-styled houses, and yet it is the decrepit house every bystander fixes their eyes on. The unpleasant among the beauty has its own glamour. Inside a family lives in
harmony, the family of Pallo Antonia.
I live in the life where everyone must be perfect. Perfection is a key to living. A life where the unfortunate
are killed off because of lack of potential to grow, a life where the rich draws out the happiness of meagre
families, this is the Philippines. Far-off in the distance you will see men torturing others for the joy of
suffering. You will see men punishing men just being what they are.
Injustice has long been served in my country, and everyone feasts on it and the Filipinos are left with
nothing. I am someone whose life has been riddled with suffering, not just for me, but for my family. I
lived alone therefore, as a rule, I must die alone.
But fate has never been so kind to me. For someone who despairs life as much as I, I could never leave,
not until I saved my brother. We are the only ones left of the Pallo Antonia family. No one, not even a
distant hundred-times removed far-off relative lives. And I took it upon myself to live up the legacy of the
Pallo Antonia and survive through thick and thin.
Living my life has rendered me to be someone I am not.
I have lived a life where a little girl is forced to become a woman.
I live for my brother and I, and no one else.
I am Pelita Ellina de Pallo Antonia y Yudora. I am the one called, Pepay. And this is my story.

Diary Entry #1:

I live in a family where choices were not an option. Choices were not given and would never be offered.
My life has always been laid out for me, from the schools I go to, to the clothes I wear. My family even
delivered to me a husband on a silver platter once I am of age. And I am trained to accept, accept
everything given to me, no questions asked.

My brother and I has our lives planned out in the most unpleasant ways possible. And yet we have no
control over anything, my brother is too young to decipher what our parents has done for us and I am to
fearful for the fate of my family/ We are too poor to handle consequences. My family strives off the
meagre living my father as a farmer.
Sunday is the holy day for my family. It is not a day for only resting but a day of worship. We are a highly
religious family, we render service for the friars but I know what they really are. They are the only
means for our family to be able to eat and live. My family drains money from other Filipinos, my parents
have been pardoned by the friars and believe that in doing so, they help the church in serving more people
with more money. The friars have loved our family and offered everything to keep our family afloat.
Offering money has always been their best method of support but my family, driven by their pride would
always, always refuse.
This fact made our family even more appreciated. To lose nothing while gaining everything has been a
desirable outcome for them. My family thrived on that attention and the name became infamous among
Filipino families. We are hated by some. They hate us for being what we are, they hate us because we
pardon favors from the government, they hate us because we are poor and yet we live.
We stayed poor nonetheless. No matter how many things we have done for the government, we stayed
poor. I see my parents fighting over money, money we would never have. My mother, Consuelo would
cry herself to sleep praying to the lord to provide us with blessings, praying that serving friars is enough
compensation to achieve blessings.
I woke up one day, hungry because we havent eaten dinner last night, hungry because the world is unfair,
my family is unfair. I walked out of the house completely covered, face to foot so no one would recognize
me. I have riddled my mind for days in thinking what am I to do to help my family. I have sold the small
stuff I had, from clothes to the dearest toys I held on to. And yet nothing was enough to support my
family. Every waking night, I lie on my bed thinking of what my future will be, of what will happen. Will
I die from starvation? Will my family continue to suffer due to their own pride and gullibility?
I roll of the edge of the bed and lie with my head against my chin. I sobbed. Seconds past, minutes or
hours I do not know. Seeing miserable self in front of the mirror, I see bloodshot eyes, too tired to cry
more, too tired to see ones own beauty. I see hair ruffled everywhere. I see tear lines that should not have
been there.
I stood up and stared at myself hard. I see a strong girl. I see myself. I must be strong for my family. I
grab my clothes, covering myself from head to foot and headed out into the night.
This will be the last time my family will go to sleep hungry. The last time.
Diary Entry #2:
Every night I developed a hobby. I would sneak out at night when everyone is asleep. Sneaking became a
source of the small food we have today. At least we could finally eat.

I would walk among the crazy streets of Manila. Stepping on a puddle I cursed hell. I ran because
someone might hear me. I must not be seen. I rushed, heart pumping, sweating badly through my silk suit.
My cloak flaps with the wind. I see it. The old wooden door with neon lights.
Its time for work.
The despairing night I entered a brothel. I hunted for work through the night, I could not find anyone who
accepted a young girl such as I. No one accepted a poor girl alone at night, it definitely raised questions. I
was resigned to return home. I walked back teary-eyed, ashamed of the failure that I could not even find a
decent job I could do. I looked up the sky and cursed the high heavens. Why do you punish me so much?
I stared at my foot walking home when a stranger bumped into me. It was a she. She was clad with tons
of make-up. Her face clouded with foundation, too much blush-on and reddish lips. She was a sight in the
middle of the night. She looked back at me, smiling smugly as she saw the look of disgust on my face,
and apologized.
She ran off.
I stood still shocked at her appearance then I saw her enter an old wooden door a few blocks from me. A
man, so tall he had to duck under the door. He was clad in all black leather clothes, his head was
completely covered in his hood, making it difficult for me to see who he is. He led the woman inside and
looked around. As he was looking around he saw me looking at him and glared at me.
I recognize him! Hes one of the men who would visit my parents regularly.
I did not know what possessed me but I rushed over to him before he went inside. I ran to him lke all hel
broke lose. Mister? Hey mister! He looked back to me, thank God. Mister, I was wondering if you
could--
You cant come in here! he said.
Senor please, Im looking for a job, anything sir. Anything!
Pelita?! Is that you?! Da*n it Pelita! Come with me!
He grabbed my arm and led me through a deserted alleyway, the stench of garbage overwhelms me and I
sneeze. Keep it down Pelita, you are not even supposed to be here he continued muttering to himself
while dragging me further at the end of the alleyway. I looked around saw no one, I wondered what would
happen if someone saw us. He pushed me against the wall and stepped back.
Don?! Its you! What were you doing there?
Pelita, stop talking. I have to time to explain. You, on the other hand have a lot of explaining to do
young lady. He looked at me coldly.
Sir, I know you know that my family is going poorer and pour friars oorer each day. My mom will not
accept any help from our friar friends, like you Don. I need money to help my family, I need to. What is in
there? Why did a woman looking like that enter there?

Pelita it is one place in this god-forsaken country. Its a cramped business place but its reputation so big
that even governors fear that place. And yet, they do keep coming back
Then sir, why were you there?
Pelita, much of my success in working with our local government is due to knowing things about
powerful people that could harm me. I hide myself amongst these men and discover things they do to be
able to use knowledge against them whenever the truth must be revealed. Do not judge me dear child, but
I could not help you in what you need, that is not a place appropriate for you. Come with me and Ill take
you home
I am not stupid. I know that place. Women come in there to offer themselves to men, I just never knew
that even the government the country trusted, my family trusted, goes there. It is a dark place and yet
people who preach the light of God visits regularly. I fear as to what lies are the people tell just to excuse
themselves tp find a reason to be here. And yet if this is the only place in the world where I could earn
enough money, then so be it. I shall agree to do anything, just let me help my family.
But sir- I need this! Sir! Please!
He grabbed my arm again and started to lead me home. I tried to reason out to him but he would not help
me. He led me home and knocked on the door. Senor please, my parents did not know that I left please
let me just sneak in. Do not wake them up. He looked at me and knocked again. Sir!
Coming signor or signora. My mom answered the door and stood still. Too shocked to move. Don
Custodio? Pelita? I thought you were asleep! What are you doing out of bed?! Signor Custodio thank you
so much for bringing her home although I am still not clear as to why she is out She looked at me
sternly. I averted my gaze and looked pleadingly with the Don to not say anything to my mother as to
where he found me. He looked at me and nodded.
Signor, again thank you, you may rest now. Good night sir. She pulled me in and closed the door
waving goodbye to Don. She looked at me sternly and waited for an explanation. I coud not let her know.
I could not let her know, and yet I was thought not to lie. Puffing out air, Mom, I apologize but please do
not tell dad. I did this for us!
What are you saying? What did you do?!
Mom, I went to the local brothel. I was looking for a job to help you but no one would accept me. I
never intended to be there. I just, a woman just
You went there?!
Mom, please understand! I am tired of us not eating every day, to go to sleep with an aching stomach
just because you and father are just too prideful to accept any help from others! I just wanted to help!
I cried. Mom was too shocked at my sudden outburst. Teary eyed she asked, Thats what you think your
father and I do? To let you sleep hungery? DO YOU KNOW WHERE THE MONEY THOSE FRIARS
CAME FROM? It came from the hardships of our Filipino comrades which were corrupted! DO YOU
WANT TO BE FED FROM CHEAP MONEY?

Can you not understand this? Can you just trust your father and I? We are trying. She started crying. I felt
ashamed of myself. I went to her and hugged her. I could not see her like this. It is too much for a child to
make her parents cry. My heart was in the right place and yet I failed her, her and my father. I hugged her
hard. Wrapping my arms around her I cried with her.
I led her upstairs to her bedroom and walked toward my room. I cried and I cried. I cried until I could not
breathe anymore.
I hate the world. I hate my life. I hate the Filipinos for being too weak to stand up for themselves. I hate
the Spaniards, they are NOT supposed to be here. I hate everyone. I hate myself for having this life. Why
must someone like me be miserable?
I DO NOT DESERVE ANY OF THIS.
The day following that I never went back, I fear of the consequences too much. I fear of what would
happen if I continue searching for a job. My parents never left my side since then and would force me to
sleep in my brothers room so that I could not escape late at night. Hes just a toddler.
I will never go back there. For my parents, and for God. My parents lived in constant paranoia that I
would again search for a job to help earn money. I never searched again.

Final Entry:
Dearest Mom and Dad,
I know I promised not to go back there.

But I could not stay away, not because I wanted to but I had to.
Remember the night you found out about my first visit there? We cried and we fought.
I would do anything to just have our moments back together.
Months after you have found out, I never looked back to that place. I fear the look of
disappointment you had whenever you saw me. You look at me then stare with teary eyes. I cried myself to
sleep thinking how much I am ashamed of myself of even thinking of going in there. I considered it mom. I
did because even if it means I would shame the God we loved, we could finally earn money and eat.
Dad was never the same. As soon as he heard your story of what happened, he worked harder
than before. He went home tired late at night. He would not even look at me. None of you would look at
me. I am sorry dad.
I am so sorry.
I never meant to ridicule our life but I find that it is my job as the eldest to help you. I love you
too much that I could not bear the fact that the country and our government has cheated on us. They
made us sleep with empty stomachs, work without breaks and for what? For a meagre salary that could
not even hold our family together.
Time passed and we were still the same. I willed myself not to give in to the temptation of working
there and accepted casual jobs as a cleaner for our neighbours, and yet the money I make would only be
enough for one meal. My brother lies starving beside me mom, and he cries himself to sleep every night.
All day long I explain to him the sacrifices we make for him. He understands, hes smart that way.
And yet, Mom, Dad, you both had the audacity to leave us.
I received a phone call from Don Custodio one night. I should not have answered the phone. I
should not have stayed up waiting for you to come barging at our front door.
Theyre gone Pelita. I am so sorry.
That was all he said. Do you know what it feels like to be cut off from what might be happening to
our family? I called him back multiple times. My hands were shaking, I am on the verge of crying. I coud
not even hold the phone well. I am scared mom. Dad, please come home, I promise I would be a good
girl.
A knock came on our door. It startled me. I shakingly peeked and opened the door. Your friend
friars were there, looking grief stricken. They told me you were gone, just like that. You were walking
down a lonely street, excited over the prospect of new money from dads farming. You were laughing and
thinking about finally having dinner for all four of us when a car came speeding up behind you.
I never saw you again mom, dad.
I would do anything just to see your faces again. Anything for a smile, a laugh and even for a
hug, I missed your warm hugs Dad and Moms laughter. No matter how bad things would get, you would
end up making me smile at the end of the day. You were the ones who make me strong.

You know what life I live now on these streets mom? Our house was taken because I could not
pay for it anymore. I took job after job, after job and yet notice was enough. My brother relies on me now.
Life is so unfair. My brother should not have been experiencing this at his age. We barely eat dad. We
miss you. Please come back for us. I beg you.
I spent my days looking for jobs while I leave my brother alone under the shade of unfamiliar
roofs. I tell him everything will be alright. I cannot even cry in front of him, he needs a strong sister, and a
strong one he shall have.
But mom, who will be there for me?
I work all day, from cleaning toilets, to scrubbing floors, to washing dishes. I come back for Jose
with a weak smile. But I give him food from the small amount of money I earned. You should see how
much he smiles whenever I give him food. That smile is the only thing keeping me going on mom, if not
for him, I would have died a long time ago.
My brother is all I have, and I will go great lengths to make him live, to make him happy. You left
me with no choice but to work harder and harder each day. I do not blame you, but I wish you were here.
I want to see you again dad. Please smile again for me mom.
Please.
Now, I am to walk along the dark street I saw when I was a kid. The door is so enticing that as I
finish this letter, I must enter and work for Jose.
All this is only for him.
I shall confess something mom, dad. I was left with no choice Please so not blame me. I wish that
the Lord would not be angry with me. I had to. I looked back mom. I promised I never would. I had to
look back.
I am now famous mom. I am well known in this streets. I shall make money in one night enough
to feed my brother and I both. He is happy. Soon, I may be able to find a small home for the two of us, or
even clothes.
I work mom. I do.
Remember the door with neon lights mom?
Remember the woman who brushed past me before?
She is now me, mom.
I serve men. I serve other people, I do things that should shame me. But it puts food on the table.
I am now called Pepay. I named my self that. Pelita Ellina de Pallo Antonia y Yudora.
I am a courtesan. And I walk through that door every day of my life.
I walk through that door for my brother. I walk through for myself.

I just want to live.

Goodbye,
Pelita