CHRISTIAN STUDENTS’ CONGRESS 2014 MARRIAGE SEMINAR Building a Marriage that is Established and Furnished for the Future, - Michael Imoyera ~\7% Introduction: Through skillful and godly wisdom is a house (a life, a home, a family) built. And by understanding it is established fon a sound and good foundation], and by Knowledge shall its chambers fof every areal be filled with all precious and pleasant things. Pr. 24: 3-4 (AMP), Success in life, carecr and marriage does not come by accident. For every house is builded by some man; but he that built all things is God, (Heb. 3:4), You need skillful and godly wisdom to prepare for, and build a home that will give you peace, joy and fulfillment in future. Marriage is very important to God. Your success in marriage ts a top priority agenda with Him. God created man in Genesis chapter one, He created marriage in Genesis two, This makes marriage the very first institution God ordained on earth. God‘s intention is that every other institution on earth should spring from the marital! institution. Therefore, God does not joke with your marriage because the overall success of your lite and His project on earth depends on it. Unknown to you, even though you are yet single, you are building your mariage NOW. This seminar is intended to furnish you with the requisite life “raw materials” to enable you build a marriage that is firm, strong, established and furnished for the future. A. THE FOUNDATION: 1. Christ the Rock, the Solid foundation: Non negotiable! For other foundation can ne man lay than that is laid, which is Christ-| Cor.3:11. You must be born again. Make Jesus the foundation of your entire life. You can never be established for a glorious future without Christ in your life. Christ in-you, is the hope of glory. 2, Build a walk with God, Jn. 8:31-32. Bea correct disciple. XN A3. The spirit of excellence. Eccl. 9:10, 2Tim.2:22, 1Tim. 4:12, Rom. 12:11. You must deliberately pursue spiritual excellence, moral excellence (chastity), academic excellence. Give attention to building an excellent character, Whatever your hands find to do, do it with all your might. Do not be slothiul in business. Be an example of believers. 4, Get wisdom, the principal thing- Pr. 4:7-8, Jam.3:17. The wise decisions and choices you make in your youth will bring you into a future that is established im righteousness and progress B. THE CHOICE: All the treasures you have gleaned in your steadfast walk with God as a single youth, will correctly position you to make a right choice of a marriage partner. The basic qualifications ofa person you as a Christian can marry are: A. Must be born again-2Cor. 6:14, 1 Cor. 2:14. No matter how religious a person is, thal which is born of the flesh is flesh, [t can never please God. Therefore, God forbids you to marry an unbelicver. Don't fall into the devil's trap. Don't let him make you his son/daughter in-law. B. Must be established in the faith- Gen. 2:7-8, 15,18, Col. 2:6-7. A fruit may look fully formed, but until it is ripe, the juice in it will be sour and it will set your teeth on edge. Do not ‘set your life on edge* by rushing into marriage witha baby Christian. (C. Must be weaned from parents and other relations.- Gen. A2:24, Marriage is not for boys and girls, Itis for men and women. For a person to be ready for marriage, he must be weaned from parents, friends and relatives. D, Must not be a divorcee -Mt.19:9, Do not complicate your life unnecessarily. There are enough Christian bachelors and spinsters around. The “virus” that caused the first divorce may still afflict you. C. KNOWING THE PARTICULAR PERSON, A. General cheek: The bible, the written word of God remains the most authentic guide in making your life decisions. If you truly live by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God, you will end up making the night decisions that will bring you to God's expected end for your life. The general rule here is Proverbs, 3; 5-7 and Rom, 12:1-2. 1. Check your definitions: Of beauty- Prov, 31:30, 1 Pet. 3:3-6 Ofsuecess- Lk. 12:15, 1 Tim. 6:6-7. Ji) Getrid of idols in your heart- Col. 3:11(LB), Ezek. 1423-4, Tit) Look unto God- Pr. 19:14 —A prudent wife is from the Lord. Iv) Check her/him out viewing from the “binoculars” of the Holy Scriptures: HIM: -Ishe truthful? -Ps. 51:6. -Is he hardworking or lazy? —Pr. 18:9. -Ishe decisive and focused? — Dan. 1:8. «Is he violent/vindictive? — 25am. 22:49, Pr. 22:24-25, 29:22. -Ishe proud? —Pr, 29:23. Ete, ete. \5] -Is she contentious? — Pr. 21:19, 26:21, 27:15, Rom. 2:8, 1 Cor. 11:16, -Is she whorish? — Pr. 6:26, «Does she nag? —Pr.21:9. ~ls she loud? —Pr. 7:11. -Is she gracious, courteous, meek, quiet and shamefaced — | Tim, 2:9, -[s she a builder/helper? —Pr. 14:1 ete, etc. These steps are necessary because we live in am age where almost everybody claims to be born again. But a true life in (Christ produces some fruits —And by their fruits, we shall know them. (Matt. 7:20). Ifany of these undesirable character traits are in the person you intend to marry, be sure that you will be the first to reap the fruit of them in your marriage. ‘What must you do therefore to prepare yourself? Take your discipleship serious and put off every work of the flesh, “Let the ladies of the wardrobe” dress your life for a glorious marital future, If these wrong character traits follow you into marriage, it will be difficult to get rid of them later. The ‘shield’ of marriage will protect them, The first thing is not to fall in love, ‘You must choose to stand in love! This is because one of the first things that a fall in love does to you is that it makes you blind. Your sense of judgment becomes impaired, because lave always seeks to cover the loved. B. Recognizing the specific leading of the Holy Spirit. A) Inner witness of the Holy Spirit—Jn, 16:13, Rom. 8:14, He speaks according to the written word of God. He docs not contradict it. Allthe Holy Spirit tells you will glorify Jesus. If what you felt the Holy Spirit impressing on your heart will only glorify you ora man, then please check it again. Jesus said,5] -Is she contentious? — Pr. 21:19, 26:21, 27:15, Rom. 2:8, 1 Cor. 11:16, -Is she whorish? — Pr. 6:26, «Does she nag? —Pr.21:9. ~ls she loud? —Pr. 7:11. -Is she gracious, courteous, meek, quiet and shamefaced — | Tim, 2:9, -[s she a builder/helper? —Pr. 14:1 ete, etc. These steps are necessary because we live in am age where almost everybody claims to be born again. But a true life in (Christ produces some fruits —And by their fruits, we shall know them. (Matt. 7:20). Ifany of these undesirable character traits are in the person you intend to marry, be sure that you will be the first to reap the fruit of them in your marriage. ‘What must you do therefore to prepare yourself? Take your discipleship serious and put off every work of the flesh, “Let the ladies of the wardrobe” dress your life for a glorious marital future, If these wrong character traits follow you into marriage, it will be difficult to get rid of them later. The ‘shield’ of marriage will protect them, The first thing is not to fall in love, ‘You must choose to stand in love! This is because one of the first things that a fall in love does to you is that it makes you blind. Your sense of judgment becomes impaired, because lave always seeks to cover the loved. B. Recognizing the specific leading of the Holy Spirit. A) Inner witness of the Holy Spirit—Jn, 16:13, Rom. 8:14, He speaks according to the written word of God. He docs not contradict it. Allthe Holy Spirit tells you will glorify Jesus. If what you felt the Holy Spirit impressing on your heart will only glorify you ora man, then please check it again. Jesus said,{ D. PROPOSALAND COURTSHIP | When the Lord leads you to propose, and you have secured clearance from the spiritual overseers over your life, the proposal should be made by the brother in a simple, sincere and modest way, in the fear of God, The period of courtship should not be unnecessarily prolonged. It should be a time devoted to praying and growing together in the purpose of God and confirmation of the leading of God into the relationship. Itmust not be used to engage in ftivolities or any fleshly indulgence. It must be a period of absolute chastity and honouring the Lord with your bodies and time. In the same vein the wedding ceremony must be set out to deliberately glorify Jesus and draw souls to him. The wisdom is to make the wedding an outreach to save souls for the kingdom. Alcoholism, worldly music, cultural and idolatrous dance troupes should not be given a space. Moderation should be our fuidepost, We should shun every form of ostentation and showmanship, Let your moderation be known unto all men, The Lord is at hand.—Phil4:5. PROPOSAL FOR SECTION II A panel of 4 or 5 Christian couples is constituted. They will answer questions and discuss issues as ina panel of discussants. Proposed sample questions to discuss may include: 1, What did you do as a Christian youth that is helping you today in your marriage? 2. What were the temptations you faced; -Asasingle youth I-ncourtship -Inyour mariage ceremony? -How did you overcome them? 3. Have you faced any challenges im your marriage as ny. Z~\ Oi ties Can you share some of them with us? How is the Lord helping you to overcome them? 4. Concerning relationship matters in the church today, how was your time different from that of the youths in our day? What has changed? What has not changed? 3. What role has functional discipleship played in your life as a single? How has discipleship enhanced the establishment of your home after marriage? 6. What comparisons can you draw between your marriage as it is now, and the marriages of some of your contemporaries, some of who may have disdained your stand for righteousness in your time? 7. Whatis your ‘heart to heart’ counsel for the Christian youths of our time concerning marriage and relationships? SECTION II General questions and answers. Suggested further reading: Building A Fulfilling Marital Relationship — A collection of Bible Study Outlines from PEACE HOUSE Discipleship work. No More Two — Gbile Akanni