Paper 2 Writing reference Contents Paper 2, Part 1 p.200 Information sheer p.203 Informal letter 204 Review p.206 Report .208 Article 210 Improving your marks p2it Faiting Checklist p24 Paper 2, Part 1 Hl ns You are a member of the extra- curricular activities committee at your college. Recently you helped organise an ‘end-of-course’ trip. You and a group of classmates stayed at Happy Valley Campsite. Unfortunately, you were all very disappointed with your stay. On the right is the brochure you received from Happy Valley Campsite before booking the wip and the notes you macle while you ‘were there. When you got home you phoned a friend who works at the Consumer Protection League and told her about your experience. She has sent you the leaflet on p.201. You have offered to write a letter (200 words) to the campsite director asking for compensation on behalf of your group. You are also going to send the campsite brochure and a copy of your letter t0 your friend at the Consumer Protection League. Write a covering note (50 words) to your friend to accompany the copy Of the letter and the campsite brochure. HAPPY VALLEY CAMPSITE If you're planning to spend your holidays with a group of friends then camping is definitely an option to consider and at Happy Valley we uke groups especially welcome. We offer the finest campsite facilities in Europe at very reasonable daily, weekly and group rates (generous student discounts available). Not to usll Person on desk eald this had changed since we made ‘our booking cix months earlier, So emall could barely got ~A. ‘out of bed. VERY dirtyll io a Cosy IMODATION 3 ene: YOUR OWN a Sue and Anna not allowed 3 | Open for ONE hour a day to put up thele own tents AT LUNCHTIMEI i had to hire them! IMEW Everything 7 twice the price of Supermarket in the town, 3 Favristic One cinema (same film ‘throughout our stay) and a pub full of unfrienaly locale, WHEN WE WENT TO COMPLAIN. MANAGER ‘UNAVAILABLE’ Make sure you book early so a: Rae Oa aed Phone: 982019069 e-mail: hapvaleam@netexplor.com or write te: Dan McNamara Campsite Manager Happy Valley Little Bay Gisbon G179 FO9 We aia!BUT THE ADVERT SAID ... Have you ever paid for a product or service on the basis Paper 2 Writing reference Send us a copy of the advertisement or brochure of an enti if advertisement or brochure only to be disappointed! Misleading advertising can bi can also cost the consumer money. If you find an instance of misleading advertising, let us know. irritating but will tke up your FAIR DEAL concerned, noting any discrepancies you found and we Here are some things to look out for: CONSUMER PROTECTION LEAGUE + False claims about the qualities of the product, 22 Albert Rd + false claims about special offers Hambleside + false claims about prices BD Model answer a) letter DO begin by identifying the situation you are writing about. Gisborough, GI3 $89 DearfORRReN NE DO use the person name if you know it. writing on behalf of the Gisborn College group that Tam sorry to tell you that we were with our stay and DO state the purpose ]Teserve some kind of compensation, of your letter. DO make links between paragraphs. DO say what you wane the result of “The most serious of our is that we were charged the full fe despite the fact that we had originally been quoted a price with a student discount. Furthermore, group ‘members who had brought their own tents were not allowed to use them. ——“Ththistiveremonenough, the trailers were extremely cramped and had obviously not been cleaned for some time ‘problemas the ‘mini-marke’. Aside from being expensive, it was closed for most ofthe day which meant that we had to wolk the two kilometres back from the beach at lunchtime so as to buy the things we needed. Pasa would hardly call the pul and a cinema in Grimsc “fantastic nightlife’ IF we do not receive a satisfactory answer to this letter, wil be forced to take the matter up with the CSRSoRTG® your letter to be in. “vRNA, the final paragraph. ook forward to hearing from you in due cou Max Braun Max Braun DO make links bbecween points 5 DO organise points from ‘the input in a logical way. within the paragraph. DON'T use the same language as the inp. SH DO expand on the ideas in the input. IF you have used the person's name at the beginning of your leer, DO end your lercer like this.b) note DO begin informal notes wich a frendly greaing, DO say why you are writing, Here's the vading brochure 1 mentioned sitthieiphionte and the letter I've drafted to the campsite manager: 1 think we've got.a good SS let me know what. you think DO invice a response 2 4 from the person you are writing to Max DO close your note with a (DO use informal linking friendly informal ending. expressions. USEFUL LANGUAGE LETTERS OF COMPLAINT STATING THE CIRCUMSTANCES Lam writing ‘© to draw your ettention to '* 10 complain about ‘© to express my concern about © with regard to. LISTING COMPLAINTS © My most serious complaint is... ‘+ Not only (+ inversion e.g. Net only did your employee ‘insult us) .. but also '* Firstly... Secondly, .. Finally, ... = If this were not enough ... DEMANDING ACTION BE TAKEN, '* Unless you ... I have no option but to ... * If 1.do not... 1 will have no choice but to ...INFORMATION SHEET WD as Your local tourist office has asked you to write an information sheet (about 250 words) for visitors to your country. The purpose is to inform them about the main public holidays that occur throughout the year. Write your information sheet. USEFUL LANGUAGE TALKING ABOUT HISTORY Founded in 1825, the city of The Sports Centre was established in 1934 1956 saw the founding of .. ‘TALKING ABOUT LOCATION [Nesting inthe Sint Lourent ley i the viloge of. A short drive along the coos read tokes you to El Excabor Directly opposite the Houses ofPorlament, you will find .. TALKING ABOUT FACILITIES OFFERED OR PRODUCTS AVAILABLE The hotel offers superb ... ‘Marine sports facilities at Porto Rico connot be bettered. In addition to innovative products for fnencial management, our company also . LISTING POINTS OR FEATURES New developments include: The following courses will be avalabe in 2004: ‘TALKING ABOUT FUTURE PLANS We hope to expand this service further over the next few years. ‘Among several future projects are plans to create an online service. Paper 2 Writing reference oo (DO think of tle for your sheet that Eres wl provoke the render eo. DON'T provide illustrations The Land of the Long Weekend We're famous for our public holidays, many of which are on a Monday or Friday: Here are some of ‘the main ones that fall in each of the four seasons. (Be warned: banks and most businesses are closed on the days marked with an *!) ‘Summer Christmas falls in the summer in the Southern. Hemisphere so there are lots of public holidays at this time. We celebrate our national day in this. season too. D> Christinas Day (25/12)* D> Boxing Day (26/12)* D> New Year's Day (1/1)* D> Australia Day (26/1)* DO use lists of bullet point. Autumn ‘When the leaves begin to fall, Australians think of the Easter holidays and of another national holiday, ANZAC day. The latter is a day on which Australians and New Zealanders remember their compatriots. ‘who lost thelr lives in the First World War, Members, of the armed forces as well as ex-servicemen and ‘women take part in a parade. > Good Friday* D> Easter Monday* D> ANZAC Day, April 25" (Australia and New DO use section headings. Zealand) DO chink of an interesting way of introducing exch section. Winter ee a! “ Winters are mild in Australia so if you don't like very hot weather this is a good time for visiting! ‘The most important public holiday is 9th June* which is Queen Elizabeth II's official birthday. Spring In Victoria, one of the states, the most important public holiday of this season is Melbourne Cup Day: ‘The Metbourne Cup isa horse race which takes place on the second Tuesday in November. Many locals go to watch the race and people from all over Australia ... and beyond ... follow it closely on radio or television, especially if they have placed a bet! So whenever you choose to come to Australia, you'll be able to join the Australians having fun on one of — their many public holidays. DON'T forget to add a conclusion,INFORMAL LETTER Hl Recently you went on holiday abroad and stayed with a friend, Unfortunately, you misread the departure time on your return tickets and missed your flight. You were able to get another flight the same day but had no money to pay for the ticket yourself. Your fiend bought your ticket for you and you promised you would pay her/him back as soon as you got home. Write a letter to your friend explaining how you have arranged repayment and inviting her/him to stay with you when s/he visits your country. Model answer Dear Clara, DO begin by telling your friend ‘Thought better drop you a line straight why you've decided co write : 7 : to thank you Fr eingme arse hr cuit on Friday, relly sonny 1 had to bother you at such cand tn sare you cain imagine how embarrased was abut having to ask you top ors ticket ke that DO divide your letter imo 1am ow hic me sf sy ca ce. went to the ak yest baie ee, enc ich shea and coranged to tansfr the price of he ticket fem wy bunk count to yours, ese ee ih tos can avenged to tninsfir the price ofthe ticket fom my nk cut to yours, the task input. 0 you should fut the money in your cot cy ay vow to onesing the recip so you ce ce how vu the ticket cost in dlls vu check that the noun ve satin pounds is cork. hope is, as | asked the people the lnk to double check DO expand upon the task input Despite missing the plane like that | had realy wonder by using your own ideas, Frisco, | portcaany enjoyed miceting yor niece and going ou skating with ne in Sn hr fis. als loved the city, especialy the bay coud hope Il get to go back some i DO close your eter mentoring exe ine you —— 1 kw you said you ight bean vt Ln he ave realy will see or speak to then. hope you do muouge to ge the tne off werk aut that i yo do, you wil come sl sty with ony Fly, There's plenty of rm here an yu be very welcome, 50 just et us ow whan youre cenig DON'T finish your fetter with Yours ————— All de best. an tans again! sincereyfefly. DO use an appropriate INFORMAL phase. There are various ways of closing letters to friends depending how well you know them. For very close friends or relatives you can use With (ll my) love, Love or Lots of Love: wth friends use Al the best: with people you stil don't know very well use (With) best wishes. JoinUSEFUL LANGUAGE BEGINNING THE LETTER ‘Thanks so much for your letter. It was really great to hear from you. ‘Sorry not to have writtenibeen in touch for so longlsuch a long time. {ye heen relly busy lately. ‘Thought I'd betterldrop you a line!write to let you Know ... ENDING THE LETTER | think that’s all my news for the moment. Do write soon and let me know ‘what you've been doing. ‘Once again, thanks very much for being so nice to Susie ‘Can't wait to sec you on the 24thinext week in Cambridge Don’t forget to say ‘hi'to ... from me. Give my love to ... APOLOGISING 'm reallylterriblylawfully sorry about what hoppened the other night. ‘Sorry I couldn’tididn’t manage to see you last time I wes in. INVITING ‘How about meeting up for drinklccming over foro meal some time? Why don't we try to get together some time soon? ‘Iwas wondering if you might like to get together with the rest ofthe old gong next time youre in tw, RESPONDING TO AN INVITATION Thanks very much for inviting us to your party. Were realy looking forward to i. 1 was really excited when | got your invitation. Unfortunately, ve now realised it the some weekend os my cousin's wedding so I won’t be able to make it! it doesn't look as if I'm going to make it. MAKING A REQUEST | was wondering if you happened to know anywhere in Dublin we could stoy. If you've got a spare moment, do you think you could find out when the music festivals on this yeor? REFERRING TO A PREVIOUS LETTER (TASK) Do you remember thet sports centre you mentioned in your last letter? You said in your letter that you were thinking of appyng fr a scholarship. Last time you wrote you asked how Tino wes geting on. You know that course I told you I had applied fer. Wel.REVIEW Wl ek The editor of your college English language magazine has asked you to write a review of two films you have seen recently saying why one of the films is likely to be of particular relevarice and interest to students at the college and why you believe the other is not worth watching. Write your review. Model answer DO indicate the structure of your review In the first paragraph, DO start your review with a humorous fr catchy comment to attract your audience’ attention In reviews of more than one event, DO use the language of comparison and contrast. re DO use vocabulary specific to the event (flm/TViplay/concert) ‘you are reviewing, DO give information about the ‘ease director or sereenply, ee DON'T [use deseribe the plot: coffer your evaluation. DONT tell your readers about the ending if e will ruin the file or book for them, DONT forget to cover all che —————— points mentioned in the task. DO end your review —§ ——————_____ ‘with a recommendation, Video of the Week T rented "Days of Wonder’ and "My Cure for the Summertime Blues’ from my local video club last week, The first video I watched was well worth the money and time and has an important message for people like us; all T can say about the second is that you'd be better off spending your spare cash on a take- away pizza, You'll be surprised I'm sure that ‘Days of Wonder! was the second and not the first video I watched. Despite a star-studded cast inchiding Caroline Nayra Smith, a director (Ann Champion) with a string of film successes behind her and a screenplay based on the novel of the same name, ‘Days of Wonder" just doesn’t work. Changing the setting from 17th century Paris 10 contemporary Sydney, while leaving the script in the baroque style of the original novel, is particularly ineffective. What's more, it's impossible to believe that a man would contemplate killing someone merely for speaking to his girlfriend. ‘Ten minutes into ‘My Cure for the Summertime Blues’, however, I was amazed to find myself laughing till 1 cried and nodding in agreement with almost every line of the script, '@ never seen any of the actors before but I found their portrayal of teenagers from a London comprehensive on holiday in Greece completely convincing The film also has a clear message for young people: that caring about others and the planet mean a lot more than money or good looks. So, if you're looking for a way to spend an evening with friends watching something that you'll al enjoy and which really does have something important to say then leave ‘Days of Wonder’ on the shelf and spend your money on ‘My Cure for the Summertime Blues’USEFUL LANGUAGE BOOK (FICTION) ‘Types: thriller mystery, whodunit, romance, science fiction, fantasy, historical Elements: character, plot, dialogue, setting, atmosphere, author, novelist, writer BOOK (NON-FICTION) “Types: cofiee table book, cookery book, travel book, encyclopedia, dictionary, textbook, manvat Elements: chapter, section, indox, glossary, lustration, author, editor ium “Types: (5 for fetion) + adaptation, comedy animation Elements: screenply script, set, role, costume, design, photography special ffects, animation, soundtrack People: cast, actor, director, producer. scriporiter PLAY ‘Types: (2s for film) + farce, musical Elements: act, scene, set, role, costume, lyrics, music, design, sage People: (as for film) + playwright, composer CONCERT ‘Types of group or musician: rock group/band/musician, (ead, bass. rhythm) guitarist (lead/backing) singer, rummer, folk singer/guitarist, country and western singer, jazz band/quartet/trio/singer orchestra, quintetquartet! ‘ensemble/soloistviolinistcellist Elements: song, lyrics, tune, piece, symphony, concerto, cantata, score, stage, theatre, hal, auditorium People: songwriter, composer, conductor EXHIBITION ‘Types: painting, sculpsure, photography, furniture, design, handicrafts Elements: gallery, catalogue, displays TV PROGRAMME “Types: series, documentary. soap opera, drama, situation comedy, chat show, debate, current affairs programme People: compere, presenter, host, director, producer, scriptwriter, cast, actor PROVIDING BACKGROUND INFORMATION “A horse of a different colour’ is Miche! Gordon's fourth novel | second film | first major role | second individual exhibition. “tn the begining wos the word came on at Odeon cinemas last week and I went along to see it INTRODUCING A BRIEF ACCOUNT OF THE PLOT Set in |8th century London, the film tells the story off recounts events in the lives of three sisters. In the breathtaking landscape of northern Canada, the book. ‘examines the themes of solitude and intimacy. (On the eve of the Fist World War, the series introduces us to the Wilson household COMMENTING CRITICALLY | found the plot rather conventionalipredictable/contrived! ‘completely bizarre/absurdlincomprehensible. The novelit has succeeded in creating an extremely intricatelcomplex plotlentirely believablellife-ike ‘characters. The characters ore completely believablelunconvincing. and the dialogue is wittyistlted and natural/artfical The ballerina was absolutely brilliantlwas verging on the incompetent. A porticular strengthiweakness of the production was the set design by Marcelo Carle. The exhibition catalogue is economically priced! ridiculously over-priced. PROVIDING A RECOMMENDATION. I would strongly advise you rot to missiwoste your money con ‘n't got a clue’ I would definitely recommend seeinglvisitinglreadinglhaving a look at ‘Melbourne: sentimental jourey. For those who enjoy contemporary musi, Topical String Quartet ore not to be missed Go and see ‘Momiy’. You'll be amazed, COMPARING AND CONTRASTING (STRENGTHS OR TWO EVENTS) While/Whereas!Although/Despite the fact thatiin spite of the fact that characterisation wes pariclory strong the pt ‘gradual lost credit. The cast is brilliant; especly when you take into account how ‘truly dreadful the script. “1 remember what you did last winter'is a masterpiece; ‘Looking, {or Sam’ is the opposite. Both films are likely to oppea to younger audiences, but “Postmortem will be especially appealing, Neither the novel nor the film fuly convinced me, though the character of Margo realy comes alive on the screen.REPORT Wy nx You were contacted by an international research company looking at sporting activities in your area. You agreed to interview fifty people using the questionnaire below and to ‘write a report describing the existing level of participation in sporting activities in your ‘community including any factors which discourage people from taking part in sport and recommending ways of encouraging more people to take up a sport (QUESTIONNAIRE ON PARTICIPATION IN SPORTING ACTIVITIES ‘= Do you rake part in sporting activities? If so, which ones? ‘= What prevents you from taking part or from taking part more? Write your report. Model answer Participation in Spore in Santa Maria Introduction 'DO bein by stating the purpose. ——— The principal aims ofthis report are to: cf your report. DO use an 1 provide an overview of participation in sporting activities by impersonal formal style. members of my local community (Santa Maria), 2. indicate factors preventing greater participation. 3. make recommendations as to how greater participation might be achieved DO use lists of points. DO develop the ideas inthe input. ——— | interviewed fifty people between the ages of 13 and 82 living in Santa Maria using the questionnaire provided. DO use clear layoue with headings. DONT let your report look like a discursive composition. Participation Thirty-seven of the people interviewed took part in at least one sporting activity and seventeen took part in two or more. The most popular of DO summarise information these was football (20), followed by various keep fit activities e.g. succnedy by sing ievented — jogging, aerobics, walking (17) and then by tennis (7), swimming (6), —— basketball (5) and martial arts (5). DO divide your report into sections according to the input. Factors preventing fuller participation There wes a clear division between those who already took part ina sport and those who did not. The former group cited cost of equipment (17) and lack of facilities e.g. courts, football pitches (15) as the main factors preventing them from taking part more. Those who did not play sport, on the other hand, cited poor health (6)*, lack of time (10) and, lack of interest (5) as the main factors. Recommendations In my opinion, encouraging those who currently take no part in sports should be a priority. | recommend, therofore: DO express opinions and recommendations in the last section of your report. + an advertising campaign to promote keep-fit activities for the over-60s. ‘+ more flexible timetables at council-run sports centres. introduction of new activities e.g. water aerobics. Toa Reoenrs Ror obra ‘Those who already take part in some sporting activity will be Information, definitions and a encouraged to do more by the creation of more sporting facilities. clarification * It should be noted that these individuals were all over sixty-fiveUSEFUL LANGUAGE STATING THE PURPOSE The aim/purpose ofthis report iiwas to describefevaluatelpresent {In this report, I will describelevaluctelpresent This report provides @ description/evaluationipresentation DESCRIBING HOW YOU GOT YOUR INFORMATION | spoke tolinterviewed several members of our sales staff. ‘Members of the local police force answered a questionnaire... I visited three hotels: the Mortimo; the Ploge Royale andthe Shackelton I conducted a survey among college graduates ... Car owners were invited to attend a focus group ... REPORTING YOUR RESULTS ‘Most people saidlexpressed the opinion that ... According to Dr Aan Witkinson, the funding is inadequate... 4 highlsmalllsignficant proportion of those surveyedirespondents soid that 25% of the older residents. A small group (6) felt that the siuation had deteriorated. PRESENTING A LIST. ‘The points in favourlagainst introducing genetically modified foods can be summarised a8 follows: 1 2 The following reasons were given for lack of perticipation in local festivals: 1 2 Arguments in favour oflagainst the introduction of a local television channel were: 1 There are @ number of ways in which facilities for the parents of small children could be improved: t 2 MAKING RECOMMENDATIONS In the light of the results of the surveylquestionnaire the introduction of a small fee ‘would seem to be the best choiceloption!solution. I would recommend, therefore, the purchase of five more computers and laser printers, ‘My recommendations are the following: Paper 2 Writing referenceARTICLE USEFUL LANGUAGE HE tas QUESTIONS YOU ASK YOURSELF You have been invited to write an article We're all supposed to hate advertising, but do we? I don’t think we: for an international magazine called do at all “Purure Perfect’, The article should discuss What's Lodz got to offer the tourist? Everything from magnificent expectations you and your friends had for ‘orchitecture to one of the loveliest parks in Poland. the new millennium before it began and say to wiiat extent these expectations have been fulfilled so far. Write the article. HEY Model answer DO think of an interesting ttle. DO use language suited to your audience and topic. DON'T forget to cover all aspects of the task. DONT forget to express your opinion. DO finish your article in an interesting way. “TALKING’ TO THE READER [bet you don’t wont t spend the rest of your le living with your parents. [Pm sure you'll agree det is even more important than exercise. We all hate it when someone keeps us woitng. Why nor give ita try? You've got nothing 10 lse. INFORMAL LANGUAGE Let's look ot the problem from evo diferent perspectives. So, the goremment should clear up ths mes as soon as possible, ‘Another problem with baring cars from the city centre Bs deliveries to shops. A New Millennium — A New World? (On the night of the 31s¢ of December 1999 the world as a whole celebrated in style and we, here in Xania, were no exception. I don't know a single person who didnc greet the new millennium with at least some expectations thar it would be better than the preceding thousand years. Many of us hoped for an end to wa that we made thac night was for a cleaner, less pollured planet. Almost all of us ‘were idly certain that the new millennium would bring with it more to hunger and to injustice. Another wish technological and scientific advances. Mobile phones with cameras and screens, faster, more powerful computers and further developments in genetics leading to ase are just some of the things | can remember my friends mentioning as possiilces. the eradication of di We woke, however, on the Ist of January 2000 co find that the world had hardly changed at all. Wars were still being fought, there was still hunger and injustice and che air didn‘ smell any fresher. On the postive side, the notorious Y2K (Year 2000) bug hadn't caused any significant damage either. As time has gone on we've seen many of the rechnological and scientific advances swe dreamed abour come to be. Science continues to find cures for many of the diseases of the last century: As 2 result there isa greater fecling of optimism than there was before. This, I believe, can help us find solutions co the world’s problems and perhaps, as the century and millennium grow older, we can really change the world.Paper 2 Writing reference IMPROVING YOUR MARKS ON PAPER 2 HET Exch of the two pieces of writing produced by a candidate for Paper 2 is given an impression mark as follows: Band 5 Minimal errors: resourceful, controlled and natural use of language, showing good range of vocabulary and structure. Task fully completed, with good use of cohesive devices, consistently appropriate register. No relevant omissions. N.B. Not necessarily a flawless performance. Very positive effect on target reader. Band 4 Sufficiently natural, errors only when more complex language attempted. Some evidence of range of vocabulary and structure. Good realisation of task, only minor omissions. ‘Attention paid to organisation and cohesion; register usually appropriate Positive effect on target reader achieved. Band 3 Either (a) task reasonably achieved, accuracy of language satisfactory and adequate range of vocabulary and range of structures or (b) an ambitious attempt at the task, causing a number of non-impeding errors, but a good range of vocabulary and structure demonstrated. There may be minor omissions, but content clearly organised ‘Would achieve the required effect on the target reader. jons irrelevancies. Band 2 Some attempt at task but lack of expansion and/or notable omi Noticeable lifting of language from the input, often inappropriately. Errors sometimes obscure communication and/or language Is too elementary for this level. Content not clearly organised. ‘Would have a negative effect on target reader. Band 1 Serious lack of control and/or basie errors. Narrow range of language. Inadequate attempt at task, Very negative effect on target reader. Band 0 (a) Fewer than 50 words per question. or (b) Totally illegible work. (©) Total irrelevance (often a previously prepared answer to a different question). ‘This general impression mark scheme is used in conjunction with a task~ specific mark scheme, which focuses on criteria specific to each. particular task (e.9, report, article, formal letter), including relevance, range of structure, vocabulary and presentation and register.Now look at the task below and the answer a student has written. The students work has been annotated by their teacher. Look again at the CAE marking criteria on p2II-lInto which band would you pur this answer? ‘The tourist authority want to encourage tourists and locals to spend more time walking around the capital city in your region or country. They have decided to. prepare a leaflet on walks that people can take. Their intention is that the leaflet should! include three walks taking in important buildings and monuments, parks and open spaces and a part of the city that is particularly interesting for cultural or historical reasons. You have been asked to prepare the leaflet, Not a very interesting title and taken straight from the question. What about the tourists? ~————- SPEND MORE TIME WALKING AROUND It's not their capital city after all YOUR CAPITAL CITY! Try to make the idea of walking There are lot of walks around your city you can take and ound more iting get to know better. Here are three nice ones: ‘Another rather dull heading taken Important buildings and monuments straight from the question. San Cristobal has many important buildings and monuments. There is the cathedral of the Immaculate Conception which were built in the seventeen century. There are also very nice houses that once belong to rich marchants in the area near to the market. You should also see the Bishop's Palace and the History Museum. ‘Think about who you are writing for and why. People wil presumably want to take these walks 60 If would be better to describe the buildings and monuments in the order in which they will see them during ‘the walk. You could begin lke thie ‘Start out from the magnificent Cathedral and y Parks and open spaces walk straight on until." This is a short walk because there are not so many parks and open spaces. You have to go out to the country or to Think of another more interesting way of eaying thie. the mountains for this. If your are stuck in San Cristobal the only green space is the Humboldt Park. This is not a large This sounds as if you don’ like the park very park and you can walk around it in about twenty minutes or much yourself Try and make it sound more half an hour. There is a pretty flower show in the park in attractive. You could suagest that Irie a ‘April so it is better if you go then. {3c0d place to go for people who want to relax ai sicepana = Eabg oiler ale A part of the city that is interesting for cultural reasons U/ Tre are around the’ Siate theatre fs very interesting, Apart This needs 2 heading that wil make people want to take from the theatre there is an important art gallery with a the walk. Do not just copy phrases from the question. collection of peintings by famous attists. You can also find some smail private galleries around here. Next door to the Make this more interesting, Describe the walk theatre is a very grand building. This is the State Library. ttaelf and introduce each of the buildings in order You can't borrow any of the books though. I hope you enjoy this walks. Is this relevant? Can you come up with a way of finishing that will have more of an impact on your audience?Now chet your ansatsrient ofthis anor with the seacher'scommenes below, ‘Teacher's comments and advice on improvement Obviously you know your city very well and you've got plenty to say. You've also thought carefully about the layout of your material, Nevertheless, this would be graded as Band 2 if it were an exam answer because you don’t really expand on any of the ideas in the input task and you have taken a lot of language directly from it Another problem is that a lot of the language you use is very simple (adjectives such as nice, important and beautiful; sentence structures with There ivare ...).1 also don't think that someone reading this would feel like taking the walks, do you? P've made some suggestions on how your answer could be improved but you also need to edit your work thoroughly for grammar and spelling errors using the Editing checklist, Have another try and hand it in again. WRI New icc at the sists second atcrape atthe sume tsk Thi ernow a Band 5 ans GETTING TO KNOW SAN CRISTOBAL ... ON FOOT! The best way to get to know a city — even the one you grew up in — is by seeing it on foot. We've come up with three exciting walks that will show you just how varied our city i. Walk 1: Architectural Marvels Start out from the awe-inspiring cathedral of the Immaculate Conception, built in the seventeenth century. Walk down Santiago Street with its luxurious villas, once the homes of rich merchants trading in silks and spices. Pethaps the most magnificent of these are the Bishop's Palace and the Villa San Pedro which now houses the History Museum. At the end of the street youll find the market with its wide variety of exotic fruits and flowers. Walk through, buying your picnic lunch on the way. Walk 2: A breath of fresh air Not so much a walk as a pleasant stroll, Humboldt park is our next destination. If you're lucky enough to be there in April, as you walk along the shaded paths, you'll also be able to enjoy the annual flower show. At whatever time of year the park is a wonderful spot for a picnic, so sit down on one of the benches facing the glorious central fountain and enjoy your lunch Walk 8: The art of the city This walk takes you from the State Theatre and its imposing neighbour the State Library, through a series of quaint winding streets to the Municipal Gallery. The Gallery houses an impressive collection of works by local artists, but the many small galleries in the area also have plenty to offer. Stop for a coffee in one of the many attractive cafes. You'll probably need to put your feet up, but we know you will have thoroughly enjoyed getting to know San Cristobal in this way! Paper 2 Writing referenceEDITING CHECKLIST When you have finished the first draft of a piece of work check that you have: ‘+ done everything you were asked to do in the task Input * used language suited (0 your audience + used appropriate layout for the task (sections, headings, bullet points etc.) ‘+ used different language from the language of the input + made links between paragraphs and between sentences in paragraphs ‘* written an accurate piece of work in terms of grammar, spelling and punctuation Have a mental list of the kinds of errors you tend to make and pay particular attention to these errors. —Read your work at least three times and look for a different type of error each time ¢.9. the first time ‘check for grammar, the second time for Punctuation and the third time for spelling. COMMON MISTAKES GRAMMAR Agreement: nouns and pronouns ‘My brother works at home. She He hos o computer and hee his boss sends work through the Internet for her him to do. 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X ‘Soon 55% of households willbe connected to the Intemet? said ‘Mark Wilcox. Hyphens ‘My sixteen year old niece is studying fashion at school X ‘My srteen-yeorcd niece is studying fashion at school. SPELLING Omission of silent letters sxchology X psychology ‘Suffixes and prefixes responsable X responsible esadvantoge X disadvantage Homophones herelheorthereitheir wherelwear piecelpeace Letter doubling neccesary X necessary J ‘occurence X occurrence J Letter order recieve X receive J vethoricol X rhetorical