Golan Wants Females!

Thursday, Sep 29, 2011 by Worm Miller

This article is part of the Golan The Insatiable series.

Oak Grove Gazette, Letters to the Editor
Dear Scrawny Fools,
Quail before me, impotent readers of the Oak Grove Gazette! For Golan the Insatiable, Godlord Terrible of
Gkruool, Crusher of Wills, Raper of All, stoops to acknowledge you once more!
This proclamation addresses the visually satisfying females of Oak Grove township. Males and inferior
females, you shall cease reading. Let us recommence ...

Cower, attractive females!

In light of some recent occurrences in the unending vexation that is my existence in your fetid anus of a
dimension, I have come to realize that we are on the wrong foot, as you humans might say it. In my

terrifying homeworld of Gkruool, comely maidens are mine for the depluming wherever I gaze them. Many
run from their families and villages, braving the perils of my lair, just to offer themselves up for my ravenous
and unforgiving pleasures. The Ryukk valley people breed their most attractive clansmen to produce
buxom specimens of preternatural carnal awe, solely so I may lay sexual waste to them during the Ryukk's
winter festival. My point being - adjusting to your culture's confusing social codes and sexual assault laws
has been an aggravating experience. But I am making an effort.
To initiate, I must address some misconceptions you maychance have of Golan the Insatiable misconceptions likely retched for the diseased facehole of that she-dog Skylar. You should shun Skylar,
attractive females. One day a rain of doom will wash her and her compatriots away! You have been
warned!
Anyhoo. Of the first: yes, my mighty phallus has talons. But they are retracted in their resting position, and I
shall not loose them. I am well aware that you as yet have no interest in being gorily tattered during your
passions (though I promise you the ecstasy is quite terrible).
Of the second: no, I will not rip your head off during sex. It is admittedly a fetish of mine, but not the kind of
fetish that I need to indulge in order to reach climax. I assure you, nothing can stop my fearsome climax!
Of the third: No, I am not an inconsiderate lover, as some certain foul tramps have accused. I won't even
get into what an honor receiving Golan the Insatiable in your bed is, but beyond that immeasurable
consideration, I say it is the female's fault if she is faking her orgasmic expressions. How is a guy supposed
to learn what you like if you don't make it known? Plus, some ungrateful females are simply frigid and
unwelcoming, like the desolate hoarfrost-covered stones of the Rime-Witch Mountains. More like
whorefrost! Am I right, Skylar? (I know you and Yor the Premature read all my columns!)
Now that that's out of the path ...

To aid me in my quest to better grasp what you fickle creatures seek in a mate, my acolyte Dylan
recommended an article written by a female from the magazine Maxim, titled "Five Simple Things Every
Woman Wants In a Man." Let me make addressment of these directly, to demonstrate my eminence.
1) Respect/Appreciation.
It seems you are all hung-up with equality. Yet, did you know that your favorite choice of mate, pathetic
human males, collectively refer to you as the "weaker sex?" I have read this phrase in innumerable sources
during my research. Surely it flames your rage to have your physical fortitude so uniformly challenged.
Well, I would never say as such to any of you. The chasm of power between you puny mortals and Golan
the Insatiable is so vast that I truthfully cannot glean any difference between your respective average
strengths. Both you and males seem equally feeble.
2) Passion.
You want your mate to be passionate about something. I have inquired if the male can simply be
passionate about sexing you, but this seems not to be the issue. Well, I am very passionate about
dominating your world and enslaving your species. Very passionate. I could literally talk your ear off on the

subject. Okay, not literally, I suppose. Though I could rip your ear off with my fingers whilst talking.
3) Sense of Humor.
I find humor in much of daily life. The meager death tolls that accompany your so-called natural "disasters"
always bring a chuckle to my robust face. Your people know so little of true suffering and destruction. Also,
there is a particular one of my acolytes, Conner, whom I like to play jokes on, knocking him down and
urinating upon him. I am laughing now just thinking about it!
4) Support.
I will crush those who oppose you! Within reason. I do grow weary of reporting to your stupid City Hall
structure. I don't want to go off on a tangent, but you weaklings have a slow and inefficient way of resolving
local conflicts.
5) Chivalry.
I well understand the amusement of forcing others to debase themselves so as to make your life more
luxurious and hedonistic. Gifts. Offerings of food. Doors opened before you. A shaded litter borne on the
backs of shrieking drudges. I know what it is to be worshiped. As a godlord, it would be sacrilegious for me
to attempt to worship you, but should you mate with Golan the Insatiable or become my Doom Ward, I will
happily force my acolytes to perform whatever demeaning services delight you.

As you can see, based on your stated desires I am an ideal mate. Also, I believe our species cannot
reproduce, and your pitiful STDs are powerless against my immune system, so we would not need
protection. And, not to keep bringing this up, but someday soon I will unleash my wrath on your fat world.

Best to enter my harem while you can still do so of your own will! I shall be reveling with my followers at
Nick's Bar & Grill this Saturday, if you wish to approach me. Or you may express your worship through my
Facebook page.
Choose wisely, females!
Fear me,
Golan the Insatiable
Godlord Terrible of Gkruool, Crusher of Wills, Raper of All