Dorsey, Luke

Writing 2-De Piero

11/1/15

Keep Those Eyes Open

(Watch me move)

So everybody knows that reading can be hard. I know that I have to make myself read
something over and over again if I am not even interested in what I am reading. Especially in
todays society everyone is so used to reading concise, little sayings that are meant to condense
information into one little sentence. In my opinion, some of the hardest articles to read are these
scholarly articles that are written in what seems like a different language sometimes. However,
in comparison to articles that arent as academic as those, they have articles that are meant to be
more non-academic fun articles. Between these two different types of articles there can be many
similarities and differences. However, even though these three articles, all have the same topic,
and it can be clearly shown that they all have their own set of conventions and can all be
classified in their own category of genre.
Now I dont know about you guys, but I love surfing. For my topic, I chose topics that

Commented [1]: Luke, I suggest putting in a dashed

phrase after conventions to spell out what some of
them are...

pertain to surfing and how sustainable beaches can be, if surfing and tourism stopped and were

"have their own set of conventions--X, Y, Z, A, B---and

can all be..."

operated by different methods. The first piece that I chose was a research article that was titled

Also, I'd like to know what topic you're focusing on in

the intro!

Sustainable Management of Surfing Breaks written by a series of researchers and coastal

Commented [2]: This sentence is throwing me off...

can you try to re-phrase it so it's clearer and more
direct?

scientists. The genre of this paper is that of a informative essay, and research paper. The second
academic article that I chose was titled Surf Tourism, Artificial Surfing Reefs, and
Environmental Sustainability This article was written by a series of physic professors from the
Research Institute of Physics in Florida. The genre for this article is more of a recommendation
letter and also a research essay. It describes ways in which beaches can get more tourists and
therefore more money into the town that is near that beach. The last article is a magazine article

Commented [3]: Nice!

Dorsey, Luke
Writing 2-De Piero
11/1/15

titled The New Wave: Are artificial waves the future of surfing? This was written by
SportsTech magazine. The genre for this can obviously be described as a magazine article
because of its nice picture and catchy first lines.

Commented [4]: What do you mean here?

Between these three article there are many similarities and dissimilarities in the rhetorical
features, and conventions that they have. For starters, one of the main similarities is that all of
these articles, have an introduction to what they are talking about. This is where they introduce

Commented [5]: This is basically saying "everything

and nothing" exists or "tomorrow, the weather could be
hot or it could be cold." I think you need to narrow this
down -- what, exactly, are you going to be analyzing in
this paragraph?

what they are going to be talking about and what their goal is to explain throughout the work.

Commented [6]: *How* do they introduce their topic?

Do they introduce it in the same ways?

Another similarity between the two scholarly articles is that they all have some form of picture,

Commented [7]: Do they explicitly state their goal(s)?

or chart that is used to explain a point or show some statistic. ANother thing that these two
articles have is logos. Logos is, best explained by Laura Bolin Carroll, as Logos is commonly
defined as an argument from reason, and it usually appeals to an audiences intellectual
side.(Carroll, 52)These two articles, both have logos in. The surf tourism article presents a

Commented [8]: You just said this.

business opportunity while the sustainable management provides good ideas and new ways to
help the environment. They all share these as a convention because a basic outline of research
articles, is that they have to have some form of visual or chart that they use to explain a point.
Now apart from the non-academic article, the two academic articles have many things in
common with each other that, with the third work. Both of the scholarly articles, use citations
from other bases of research from other studies. Also, they both use bullet points to highlight
what is important about what they just said, or what is important about a certain article that thy
just paraphrased. Another similarity is that they both have a works cited page that they use to
give credit to the works that they used, and also, they both end their studies with a conclusion
that wraps up what is being said by the researchers. These are the similarities that these three
articles have in common with each other.

Commented [9]: I don't feel like you really nailed the

"there's logos in these pieces" point. How/why? Help
me understand your thinking.

Commented [10]: No "things!" I told you that last time,

Luke! C'mon, brother.
Commented [11]: Topic sentences: you need to
consciously focus in on them to continue improving
your writing, Luke. Think of them as "idea anchors" for
the paragraph. Think of them as trailers for an
upcoming preview.

Dorsey, Luke
Writing 2-De Piero
11/1/15

However, these papers also have dissimilarities between them. First off, the language
used between all three is not the same. The magazine article uses more common language and a
little bit of slang such as surfs up? This type of writing I think is easier to read. The other
two papers however, both use educated language focused around the research that they have
discovered and hypothesized. Another dissimilarity is that the magazine does not use quotes
from other sources of writing. It might use only quotes from what people said or maybe even no

Commented [12]: Agreed, but this is irrelevant if it's

not directly tied back to your argument.
This whole "academic research-based argument
paper" is (1) what's your argument/thesis and then (2)
support that argument with evidence and analysis,
evidence and analysis, evidence and analysis.
"This type of writing I think is easier to read' isn't
evidence or analysis.

quotes at all. These are some of the dissimilarities that these three articles have between their
rhetorical features and conventions.
Even though these three writers all write about the same topic, they each have their
own different set of moves that they use that correspond to the topic and genre that they are

Commented [13]: Worth defining/describing what you

mean by "moves"?

talking about. In the article Navigating Genres, the author writes that, ...location is surely
among the situational elements that lead to expected genres.(Dirk, 255) For example, in the

Commented [14]: genre" (Dirk 255).

Sustainable Management article, they use a number of case studies to provide a proof of certain
development in surfing areas. They use these as titles that say, Case Study: 1 Manu Bay Boat
Ramp, Raglan (New Zealand) When the writers use these we can clearly see that they are about
to present a example and are trying to persuade you to what is happening. Another move that is

Commented [15]: When I see thiseven before I start

readingI think, Ahhhhhhh! Attack of the page-long
paragraph!
See if you like this metaphor:

used by the two academic articles are the use of bullet points to illustrate key ideas. Also, every
article here talks about and uses the phrase sustainable management so that they can keep the
reader on track with the topic. These are some of the moves that these writers use within their
articles and how they are important to the piece as a whole.
The three articles that I use as examples here, also use a different amount of evidence for
each one and this difference in evidence use can appeal to different audiences. For example, the
sustainable management paper uses a series of different research and charts already acquired. It

Pretend your whole paper is a big, juicy steak. Do you

want your reader to enjoy that steak in easy-to-chew,
digestable bites? Or do you want them to start
gnawing away at whole thing in one piece (think:
zombie).
Paragraphs are like those bites. Give your reader
your argument in little, digestable, one-idea-at-a-time
bits.
Readers need to be able to see the different
parts/pieces/bites of the argument that theyre chewing
on.
Commented [16]: Well? What is the research? What
data did they gather, and why?
Commented [17]: PS: Charts aren't really evidence --they're a way to *display* evidence.

Dorsey, Luke
Writing 2-De Piero
11/1/15

also makes the use of case studies from around the world to show how prevalent the research is.
I think this kind of paper is meant to be read by different researchers in the same field. It also
might be read by environmentalists, or maybe even college students who just use it as an essay
topic. The audience is probably reading this article in order to gain a tighter grasp on the topic
and read a smart well reviewed article with evidence to support the claims that they have made.
The second paper gets its evidence from different surveys from other forms of research, and also
tables and charts that pertain to surf tourism economics. This article also cites quotes and
research from other books and sources that have previously done studies that pertain to what they
are talking about. I think the audience that this work mainly presents itself to, is businessmen
and women who are looking to capitalize on profit whenever they can because the paper presents
itself in a way that gives them an idea of what is going on and what profit can be made. The last

Commented [18]: Chose your verbs with intention and

be precise. They're not really "talking" -- talking
happens out loud.
The best academic writing is the most specific and
precise.

piece is the magazine article that uses evidence mostly in the form of pictures and examinations
made by the person who wrote it for the magazine. It might also use quotes by people who make
the wave pools and people who use them and what they think about them. I think that the
audience for this piece is mainly people looking for a more fun, interesting read. Maybe surfers,
but I doubt surfers would take the time to read an article this long about something they dont
really care about. I think that the audience would want to read about the difference of surfing in
the real thing and wave pools, and also maybe looking for a more interesting article to read.
These are what the three articles are about and what kind of audience can be expected to read
what is being written.
These three articles are all constructed and are unfolded in different ways. For the most
part, the first article about the sustainable management is built up with case studies from around
the world set with explanations and other key points that illustrate how sustainable an

Commented [19]: Textual evidence?

Dorsey, Luke
Writing 2-De Piero
11/1/15

environment like this really is. The Surf tourism paper is a research essay with persuasive
effects that is used mainly to give the pros and cons of what is being reviewed. This article
unfolds through the use different examples and ideas that can be presented to the reader. The last
article, the magazine article, is constructed through a magazine format. It is a clear quick and
concise way to relay reliable information that is easily understood. Also it uses the aid of visual
effects for enhanced interest in what is being presented. That is how these articles are
constructed and how they unfold to the reader.
Throughout, these three informal papers, the role of questions can do many things. They
can ask the reader a question to get them to think about a certain topic, and also bring up a point
that they might bring up further on in the paper. Questions might also give a chance to explain
the data that has been introduced to the reader and how it might pertain to them in real life. For
example, the sustainable management article asks questions to bring about what a person can do
to help a beach environment. Also, the New Wave magazine article can help a person decide
what is better, a wave pool or the real deal. Then finally, the Surf Tourism article might bring
about ideas about business and conservation in beach communities. So overall, these are the
roles of questions in these works and how it coincides with the data that is provided.
In the end, even though these two pieces are about the same topic, they are also very
different in what they are trying to accomplish. Non-academic pieces, can provide a more
interesting read, and also an easier way to approach ideas that are being expressed. However,
more scholarly articles can provide a more enhanced generalization about a topic if you really
need it. Whether for a research paper, or you own research. It all depends on who reads what.
If you want an easier piece then audiences will go for the magazine article, and if you want a
harder but more informative read then you have to go for the scholarly article. Depending on

Commented [20]: Show me! Help me *see* this stuff.

Dorsey, Luke
Writing 2-De Piero
11/1/15

what you are interested in, the format of each type of article can change what you want to read.
That's why differences in writing types can make all the difference between a lot of reads and not
so many.
Environmental stability and surfing can coincide with one another, just like how a
writers moves can work with their rhetorical features. Overall, these three articles can all be
identified each as their own genre. Through the explanation given in the construction of the
topics and also the moves that writers use, these papers can clearly be seen as effective and
efficient ways to transfer information about the same topic. These are the articles that I chose,
and how they can all be classified as their own genre.

Works Cited
1.

Alderson, Alf. "The New Wave: Are Artificial Waves the Future of
Surfing."Engineering and Technology Sept. 2015: 82-84. Rpt. in Ebsco Host UCSB
Library. N.p.: n.p., 2015. 82-84. Web. 1 Nov. 2015.

2. Slotkin, Michael H., Karen Chambliss, Alexander R. Vamosi, and Chris Lindo. "Surf
Tourism, Artificial Surfing Reefs, and Artificial Sustainability." Ebsco Host UCSB
Library. N.p., 2009. Web. 1 Nov. 2015.
3. Scarfe, Bradley E., Terry R. Healy, Hammish G. Rennie, and Shaw T. Mead.
"Sustainable Management of Surfing Breaks: Case Studies and Recommendations."
EBSCO Host UCSB Library. N.p., 2009. Web. 1 Nov. 2015.

Dorsey, Luke
Writing 2-De Piero
11/1/15

Did Not
Meet

Expectations

Expectations
Thesis Statement

Use of Textual

Evidence from Genres

Met

Exceeded
Expectations

Dorsey, Luke
Writing 2-De Piero
11/1/15

X-

Use of Course
Readings

Analysis
Organization/Str

ucture
X-

Attention to
Genre/Conventions and
Rhetorical Factors

X-

Sentence-level
Clarity, Mechanics,
Flow
Luke,
Other Comments

Im glad youre choosing topics that interest you.

OK, so to take this to the next level, here are some ideas:

-Include a lot more analysis of the kinds of data/evidence

these different sources are using and what kinds of RQs
theyre asking
-Topic sentences -- make sure they detail, specifically,

Dorsey, Luke
Writing 2-De Piero
11/1/15

whats coming up in the paragraph

-Think about what kind of structure/organization would be
best suited for your argument
-Consider working in moves earlier on and adding in more
of them -- I thought that your section on moves was
interesting
-Move past describing and get to evaluating -- try to pinpoint
the so what? of this assignment as much as possible.

Z
7/10