WP1RevisionMatrix

Before

After

Benefit?/Reason?

Asweapproachthe2016United
StatesPresidentialElection,an
abundanceofnewssourcesare
reportingthepotential
candidates,theirviewsand
campaigns,andtheirdebates.

Asweapproachthe2016United
StatesPresidentialElection,an
abundanceofnewssourcesare
reportingaboutthepotential
candidates,withaseemingly
strongfocusontheRepublican
candidate,DonaldTrump,
probablyduetothepublics
highlevelofcuriosityabouthis
unconventionalcampaign.

Thefirstsentenceofapiece
mustbestrongtodrawinthe
reader.Therewasalackof
specificityinthefirstsentence.
BecauseTrumpissuchatalked
aboutfigure,Ifoundit
importanttomentionhimatthe
beginning.HeiscandidateI
discussinthepapersoitis
importanttomakethecontent
clearforthereaderfromthe
start.

Peoplelookingforinformation
ontheupcomingelectionand
DonaldTrumpscampaignwill
primarilyreadnewsarticlesthat
presentsimilarperspectivesto
theirown,ratherthanopposing
ideas,buttheoverallstructureof
factualeventsandtextual
featureswillbesimilar.

Chancesare,peopletendtolook
forinformationontheupcoming
electionandTrumpscampaign
thatpresentssimilar
perspectivestotheirown,rather
thanopposingideas,thereforeto
attracttheirlikeminded
audience,authorscommonly
useasimilarstructured
presentationoffactualevents
andtextualfeaturesintheir
articles,forexampletheuseofa
strong,engagingtitle.

Byaddingmorehedged
language(Chancesare/tend
to/commonly),Imademythesis
statementmuchmorearguable
andaccurate.Now,myreaders
willtrustmemorethatIam
honestlypresentingthe
argument.Ialsoaddedinthe
connectionbetweenthe
structureandtheinformationon
TrumpIfailedtopresentbefore.

Withethos,oneusesconfirmed
informationtoaidthe
persuasionoftheirargument.
Becauseofhisoverall
unfavorabletonetowards
Trump,onecanassumethathe
isaDemocratwritingto
persuadereadersagainstvoting
forthecandidate,butdepending
ontheirpoliticalaffiliations,
peoplesviewtowardsthe
articlewillvary

Politicsisaverydebatable
topic,sowhenwritinganarticle,
anauthormustuseethosto
ensuretheirreadersbelievetheir
argumentismorethanjusttheir
thoughts

ZackfeltthatIlackedagood
connectionintheparagraphwith
ethos.WhenIreadoverit,I
realizedhowtheinformation
seemsrandomandmisplaced.I
thinkthissentenceIaddeddoes
agoodjobofincorporatingthe
ideaandstatingitsimportance
tothenewsarticlesparallel
structure.

ThiscouldbeSnyderusing
pathos,anappealtoemotion
(Lowe).

ThiscouldbeSnyderusing
pathos,anappealtoemotion
(Lowe).Thisgoesbacktothe
theimportanceofthetitleto

Again,Ineedtoexplainmy
choicesfurther.Iusedpathos
becauseitappliesbetterforthis
article.But,thesimilarityitthey

attractreaders.Althoughwhatis
saidinthetitlemaynotbe
completelytrue,itdrawsthe
readerenoughforthemto
furtherexplainthroughoutthe
article.

bothareusingthesekindsof
rhetoricalfeaturestodrawin
theirreaders.Thisalsoconnects
backtotheimportanceofthe
articlestitle.

Before

After

Benefit?/Reason?

Ineachdiscipline,thegenres,
rhetoricalfeatures,andmoves
varydependingontheauthors
distinctdesiredaudience.

Afterexaminingthedifference
betweentheirpurposes,the
movesused,andhowthe
audienceisintendedtoviewand
respondtoeachpiece,Ifound
thatthescholarlyarticles
intentionseemstobetodisperse
knowledge,whilethepop
culturearticlessharecatchy
informationinordertolead
readerstowardsanother
purpose.

Imustadmit,Iwassteering
clearofthelongparagraph.I
tookyouradviceandswitchedit
backtooneparagraph,butmade
itmoreconcise.Thismakesthe
argumentandpathofmypaper
alotclearer.Whilethehookis
important,itdoesntholdthe
mainideasofthepaper,soI
cannotisolateitatthe
beginning.

Ontheotherhand,theaudience
forBuzzfeedarticlesisquite
broad,rangingfromyoungteens
toadults.

Ontheotherhand,theaudience
forBuzzfeedarticlesisquite
broad,rangingfromyoungteens
toadults.Atthetopofeach
pagetherearebuttonslabeled
WTF,LOL,OMG,
ect.that
emphasizethewebsitesfocuson
apopculturefocused,young
audience.Theresalsoa
Parents
tabonthewebsitethat
acknowledgestheolder
audience.

Ineededtoexplainwhy
Buzzfeedwasgearedtowardsa
broadaudience.Ifoundan
exampleofhowthesiteappeals
toyoungerpeopleandonethat
showstheappealtoanolder
audience.Givingexamples
makesthestatementmorevalid
andunderstandable.

Thismoveisimportant
becausewithoutanyknowledge
ofwhattheleashis,the
informationregardingits
significancetoinjurywouldbe
disconcertingandconfusingto
themainpoint.

Thismove...point.Theauthor
isaimingtokeepthefocusof
thereaderbykeepingthem
informed.Becausethereaders
arededicatedtounderstanding
thematerial,theyarewillingto
learnnewtermsinorderto
grasptheconcepts.

Iexplainmypointfurtherfrom
differentanglestomakesuremy
ideaswereclear.Ifthereistoo
littleexplanationitsoundslikea
shortdescription.IthinkIhave
addedmoreanalysisby
acknowledgingtheconnection
totheauthor'spurpose.

WP2RevisionMatrix

1)InTheNewWave:are
artificialwavesthefutureof
surfing?

theauthorAlf
Aldersonusesbothlogosand
ethostostrengthenhis
argument.

2)ThenextarticleAcute
injuriesandchronicpathology
oftheheadandfacesustained
whilesurfboardriding

bythe
contributorsSimonDimmick,
MarkGillett,PatrickSheehan,
CameronSuttonandSuzanneE
Anderson

usesexclusively
logos,theintellectualapproach,
topersuadetheaudience.

1)ThearticleTheNewWave:
areartificialwavesthefutureof
surfing?iswrittentoinform
readersofaconsiderably
interestingengineeringproject.
Theauthorworkstoexplainits
upcomingpopularity.The
informationseemstobehave
scholarlybasedinformation,yet
itspresentedinaentertaining
way.

2)ThenextarticleAcute
injuriesandchronicpathology
oftheheadandfacesustained
whilesurfboardriding

bythe
contributorsSimonDimmick,
MarkGillett,PatrickSheehan,
CameronSuttonandSuzanneE
Andersonisusedprimarilyto
sharecollectedknowledge.The
authorsarepresentingtheirdata
tohelpimproveandprevent
furtherinjuriesinthesportof
surfing.

Toaddmoreinformation
regardingcontext,Iexplained
morewhyandforwhomthe
articlewaswritten.Theideaof
contextisimportantforthe
developmentofthepaper,soI
neededtomentionitthroughout
tomaintainconsistency.Iadded
itinwhenintroducingthe
articlestomaintaintheflowand
preventdisturbingtheother
points.