Taylor Preston

Preston 1

De Piero
Writing 2
1 November 2015
Crime and Punishment
Murder, robbery, school shootings. Crime is everywhere in media, and portrayed
differently in every story. Criminal behavior is also analyzed and portrayed across different
disciplines and genres. While we know that sociology and psychology are two different

Comment [1]: Cool start. Revisit the "correct" uses of

commas -- this one doesn't really work. Google: UNC
Writing Center + commas

Comment [2]: Nice transition here. :)

disciplines, we may ask ourselves, how do the goals and views of the scholars in each one differ?
What about the difference between a scholars work, and the work done for another type of
article? In analyzing the work of two different scholarly articles and one magazine article about

Comment [3]: Awesome use of rhetorical qs here.

crime, I found that they all depicted criminal behavior differently in order to cater to different
audiences.
The first source analyzed was a scholarly article titled Linking Psychological Traits with
Criminal Behavior: A Review, written by Mohammed Kamaaluddin et. al. from the discipline

Comment [4]: I need more of a specific, driving thesis

statement, Taypres. What, exactly, are you going to be
arguing here? And what specific points are you going
to use to make that case? What conventions/moves
will you be emphasizing? Also: do you think itd help
your reader (technically, me) to lay out which specific
sources youll be using to make your case?

of psychology. The second source was titled Cases of Indiscriminate Killing and Society:
Toward a Sociological Analysis of Curvatures in Contemporary Society, written by scholar
Ryuzo Uchida in the discipline of sociology. The two scholarly articles share many of the same
conventions and rhetorical features. They are organized almost identically. One convention of a
scholarly article is that it is lengthy. Linking Psychological Traits is 34 pages long, while
Cases of Indiscriminate Killing and Society is 32 pages long. Both are composed of multiple
paragraphs, and most of the paragraphs are short or medium in length. This is more effective for
scholarly articles than long paragraphs because the articles themselves are so long that the

Comment [5]: This could be a great place to use a

semicolon or dash.

Preston 2
reader would potentially lose interest. The information in each is broken up by headings such as
introduction and methods.
Linking Psychological Traits has subheadings as well, which allow the author to further

Comment [6]: These are the names of the sections,

sure, but what are these sections *good for*? What
value do they have? What research-y aspects can you
bring out within them?

break up the information. Both contain tables and graphs, which are two conventions that can be
extremely beneficial to a reader because it offers a visual reinforcement of the authors
argument. Each also contains a list of references at the end, which establishes Ethos because the
reader knows the author did not simply make the information up.
The intended audience of these articles are those who are both familiar with the topic and
interested in it. This may include peers who review the paper, professors, other scholars, and
other students interested in the subject matter. The audience expects a certain tone, which in this
case is formal and informative. Diction is important in maintaining this tone high vocabulary

Comment [7]: Evidence for this? An example to help

me *see* it?

and careful word choice make it all the more formal. The reader expects an in-depth analysis of
the subject with a lot of information.
Cases of Indiscriminate Killing and Society contains a few unique rhetorical devices.
The author uses satire when describing the murderer. He calls him poor monster K, which is an

Comment [8]: Taypres, I'm looking to these topic

sentences for clear direction -- tell me, specifically,
what's coming up.

obviously sarcastic remark. He also opens the article with an anecdote, which is titled An Event
and a Verdict. This section sets the stage for the rest of the article it captures the readers
interest and gives them necessary background information.
The obvious difference between the two articles is subject matter and content. The Linking
Psychological Traits article explains different psychological traits of criminals, because the
disciple of psychology is interested in the mentality of a criminal. Cases of Indiscriminate
Killing and Society focuses on a specific murder by a person and the verdict of their court case,

Comment [9]: OK, now we're cooking! More on this!

This is the meat'n'potatoes.

Preston 3
because the disciple of sociology is focused on the degree to which society impacts a persons
decisions.
The last source analyzed was a magazine article from the Wall Street Journal, titled The
Criminal Mind. It goes into detail about criminal behavior and the kinds of methods that are

Comment [10]: Such as? Gimme the details!

being used to understand it. This piece, written by Adrian Raine, is similar to the scholarly
articles in some ways. It is organized the same way, into multiple short length paragraphs, and
contains many facts and statistics.
As Carroll points out in Backpacks vs. Briefcases, Audience can determine the type of
language used, the formality of the discourse, the medium or delivery of the rhetoric, and even
the types of reasons used to make the rhetors argument. That being said, the main difference

Comment [11]: P# for direct quotes

between this article and the first two is the intended audience. Those who read a magazine article

Comment [12]: Organization/structure q for you: would

it enhance your argument at all if you laid this out at the
beginning?

are not necessarily familiar with the subject of it. This particular article is intended for anyone
interested in the topic of the criminal mind, even if they have no expertise in the area. Diction is
still an important part of the piece, but the vocabulary used is not as formal and academic,
because the author wants the reader to be able to fully understand it. The tone is formal, but a

Comment [13]: Didn't you already hit on this?

little more conversational, considering the author uses I many times throughout. Although this
a convention, it can also be seen as an important move that the author makes.
Each author makes many different moves throughout that help shape their writing.
Moves can be defined as anything an author does that is specific to their writing style. In
Linking Psychological Traits, the author defines key terms throughout the paper. Even with an
audience familiar to the subject, defining terms can help the reader to fully process the
information. The author also captures authorial action by explaining that Gottfredson and Hirshi

Comment [14]: Glad you're defining/describing how

you're using it.

Preston 4
had stressed that low self-control produced a number of negative effects which include failure in
activities, relationships, and social institutions. This allows him to give others besides himself
credit for ideas used in his work.
In Cases of Indiscriminate Killing and Society, the author uses transitions when
beginning certain paragraphs. One example of this is when he writes, Firstly, the trend of
changes in the industrial structure and employment system exposed a problem of
differentiation Transitions make any piece of writing flow better. Here, the author uses them
to break up the information and give the piece more structure. The author also uses metacommentary a few times. He begins sentences with phrases such as in other words. This metacommentary gives readers more of an explanation following a complex idea.

Comment [15]: Nice. :)

The author of the Wall Street Journal article uses transitions as well. For example, one of
his sentences begins with of course. This, again, makes the piece flow well. Another move this
author makes is using italics, like in the sentence, psychopaths know at a cognitive level what is
right and what is wrong, but they don't feel it. The italics are used to put emphasis on a
particular word, which lets the reader know that this word is crucial to their understanding of the
sentence or the article as a whole.
The purpose of all three of the articles is to inform the reader about the topic, each in its
own way. Linking Psychological Traits aims to review four critical psychological traits of
individuals that may lead to criminal behaviour in a nutshell. The Cases of Indiscriminate
Killing and Society article challenges the belief that killing is an antisocial act and questions
whether society prompts certain individuals to become killers. The Criminal Mind discusses
new ways that scientists are researching criminal behavior. To achieve the articles purpose, each

Comment [16]: So are you suggesting that this writer is

more in-tune with the general audience? Is more
reader-friendly? (Are you missing a chance here to
hammer your point home a little harder?)

Preston 5
author had to do a substantial amount of research beforehand.
The structure of an article can be just as, if not more, important than the conventions,
rhetorical features, and moves used by an author. The scholarly articles follow a standard
structure. Structure is important in this particular genre because people are less likely to be
interested in the actual information if it is not laid out well. Headings, for example, are important
to the lay out. Scholarly articles, for the most part, follow what some writers and teachers call the
hourglass structure, where the piece starts off with general or broad information and gets more
specific.
In contrast, writers of magazine articles focus less on structure and more on engaging the
reader with an interesting topic. However, there are still some standard rules for structuring. A
magazine article must be easy to follow and understand, and must look professional to establish
Ethos. Unlike a scholarly source, a magazine article shouldnt contain too much information,
because this will make it less interesting for the intended audience.
Another important aspect to notice is that the scholarly articles do not include many
rhetorical questions. However, the magazine article asks many. For example, the author asks, so
what explains coldblooded psychopathic behavior? This is to engage readers and make them
think about the subject, which in turn aids in their understanding of the article. Rather than ask
questions of the reader, the authors of the scholarly articles simply present information. They can
assume that their audience is already thinking critically and asking themselves questions
regarding the topic.
The scholarly articles contain more information and offer a more in-depth analysis of their
topic. However, this type of information may be too complex or complicated for an average

Comment [17]: I'm with you, 100%, but didn't you

already touch upon this too?

Preston 6
person not associated with the particular discipline to understand. A magazine article such as the
one in the Wall Street Journal is useful because it is not only comprehendible, but accessible.
People are more likely to read a magazine article than a scholarly article when searching for
basic information. In a sense, this article contains constraints. Carroll explains that constraints
limit the way discourse is delivered or communicated. Although magazines also offer more
descriptions and definitions, they dumb down the vocabulary and diction for people who are
not totally familiar with the subject. Scholarly articles can also be bias, because they are written
by an author from a certain discipline that only knows their own field of study. A magazine
article discusses more of the facts surrounding the subject, instead of facts strictly related to the
discipline.
Because a scholarly article is limited in its accessibility, its information may not be seen by
a multitude of people. Likewise, because a magazine article is limited in detail and extent, it may
not convey all of the relevant information about the topic.
Because different disciplines and different types of articles are aimed at different
audiences, they are all organized and written slightly differently. Although some may prefer
scholarly articles to regular magazine articles, or vice versa, both can be very relevant and
accurate sources of information.

Comment [18]: Is it an issue of dumbing down or the

other folks smarting up?

Works Cited

Carroll, Laura Bolin. Backpacks vs. Briefcases: Steps toward Rhetorical Analysis. Writing
Spaces: Readings on Writing. Vol. 1. N.p.: Parlor, n.d. 45-58. Print.

Kamaluddin, Mohammad, Nadiah Shariff, Azizah Othman, Khaidzir Ismail, and Geshina Saat.
LINKING PSYCHOLOGICAL TRAITS WITH CRIMINAL BEHAVIOUR: A REVIEW. N.p., July
2015. Web. 30 Oct. 2015.

Raine, Adriane. "The Criminal Mind." Editorial. The Wall Street Journal. The Wall Street
Journal, 26 Apr. 2013. Web. 30 Oct. 2015.

Uchida, Ryuzo. Cases of Indiscriminate Killing and Society: Toward a Sociological Analysis of
Curvatures in Contemporary Society. The Author, 2014. Web. 30 Oct. 2015.



Thesis Statement
Use of Textual
Evidence from Genres
Use of Course
Readings
Analysis
Organization/Structur
e
Attention to
Genre/Conventions
and Rhetorical Factors
Sentence-level Clarity,
Mechanics, Flow

Other Comments

Did Not Meet

Expectations

Exceeded
Expectations

Met Expectations

Taypres,

Nice work here. To take this to the next level, here are some
ideas:

- I need more of an argument here. Move past describing and
get to evaluating -- try to pinpoint the so what? of this
assignment as much as possible.

-Include a lot more analysis of the kinds of data/evidence
these different sources are using and what kinds of RQs
theyre asking. Consider some of the big pictures questions
here that get at how do these different disciplines approach
this topic from different perspectives? What was the study
about? What questions did they ask? What data did they
gather? How do the ways in which these researchers went
about studying this topic differ from the other
authors/researchers, and what does it suggest in terms of the
importance they're placing on their methods?

-Think about what kind of structure/organization would be
best suited for your argument. There were a few places where
I thought, Didnt Taypres already address this before?

-Consider working in moves earlier on and adding in more
of them -- I thought that your section on moves had a lot of
potential

-This is a tough one, but try inserting more of your own

voice into this. Youve got a great one from what Ive read
in your blog and heard in class -- if you can find a way to
make this more of a Taypres piece about how different
disciplines/sources analyze criminal behavior rather than just
a how different disciplines/sources analyze criminal
behavior I think itd make it even better.

-Work in the course readings. Use them to help you use the
language of the course and to develop your argument.

Z
7.5/10