Revision Matrix - WP1 Revised

Text from my initial

WP submission:
(a phrase, sentence,
paragraph, idea,
move, punctuation,
piece of evidence,
etc.)

An observation or
question I received
from De Piero or a
classmate:

The change(s) I made

to what I initially
wrote: (ie, the change[s] I
made to column 1)

How this change

impacts my paper:

Each of these news

outlets offer information
on the subject in an
unbiased article; while
holding the same
general conventions and
rhetoric, these articles
also differ a little in style
and information.

I need more of a specific,

driving thesis statement,
Jas. Z

I rewrote my thesis and

adjusted my argument to
make it sound more
challengeable and clear.

This change makes my

thesis stronger, and
helps guide the rest of
my papers information.

Three news articles have

recently been posted
covering the CCCs
decision and the uproar
it has caused from Fox 5
news, BBC news, and
Times of San Diego.

Here, it sounds a bit like the

news articles caused the
issue, themselves. Z

I added dashes between my

statement and where I
address which news outlets
posted the articles.

It makes the information

clear and
understandable.

The first article I read on

this topic was

Ahhhhhhh! Attack of the

page-long paragraph! Z

I organized my paper by
ideas and incorporated all
three sources into each
paragraph instead of doing it
source by source.

Changing the
organization of my ideas
made my paper flow
better, and come across
clearly.

This article while still

being formal has a more
casual tone

Worth devoting a paragraph

to tone, then discuss it
across all the sources? Z

I added an entire paragraph

about the style of each of the
sources and how each one
differs.

This adds to and

strengthens my
argument by addressing
one of my claims.

The context of this article

was more about

Context is huge! Consider

how you can weave it into
your central argument more
explicitly. Z

I incorporated the similarities

in context of all three articles
into the paragraph about
style.

This acts as evidence

which strengthens my
argument.