Abbreviations

Sentences

Strengthened

Paragraph 1

WW

Title your Document: Memoir X-Ray - First Name

It was a Thursday night, and I arrived home from church.

Instructions:

I was in my bedroom with my mom, brother, and sister.

1. Copy and paste each sentence of your story onto a line (one sentence per line).

We were having a good time, just goofing off as we usually do.

Suddenly, we heard a scream outside.

Separate each paragraph by noting the Paragraph and number before each one (see sample)
2. Read through each sentence to check for clarity. As you read, check for mistakes or weaknesses.
3. For each mistake/weakness, write the corresponding abbreviation in the column on the left.

My brother immediately ran out the room, and out the house.

If there are no mistakes, leave it blank. If there is more than one, put all necessary abbreviations separated by commas

I followed him.

You may bold or highlight the weaknesss in the sentence if that helps.

Paragraph 2

4. Once you have checked each sentence. Begin revising/editing/strengthening them to improve the weaknesses.

As I went outside, all of my thoughts started haunting me.

As you go, put an X in the "Strengthened" column so you can keep track of the ones you have completed.

What if this?
What if that?

5. Copy and paste your improved sentences back onto your document.

I tried to stick to the positive things but my mind wouldnt let me.

6. Proofread your story to make sure that the story, as a whole, makes sense.

When I opened the door my heart started to race.

All I could see was my dad wobbling, holding a gun.

Abbrevaitions:

A guy was in front of him.

PV

Passive Voice

He was big and looked like he had the same age as my dad.

WW

Weak word/verb

Paragraph 3

Grammar (mechanical) mistake: spellling, punctuation, grammar, etc.

Bang!", I hear a gunshot.

TF

Thoughts or feelings are communicated clearly

At that moment my mind went blank.

SD

Strong Detail/Description

Negative thoughts pervaded my mind.

It was like a repeated tape, that only repeated one part of the song,
I looked over and thankfully he had only shot the ground, but that was still very dangerous.
Salty, heated tears came down from my eyes.
They seemed to not end.
I guess, I had just realized that my dad was in danger, and he needed help.
Paragraph 4
The big buff guy put his hands around my father's neck, making him gasp for air.
My brother ran up to him and tries to take the guys hands off my fathers neck.
As this terrible scene was happening, my mom started calling 911.
Paragraph 5
At this moment I felt helpless,
I felt bad that I couldnt do anything about it.
Guilt filled up my insides.
Tears came down my face like a leaking hose that would never end.
My fingernails clutched against my palm by just thinking of the fact that my father would do something like this.
Not only did I feel angry at him, but I was also furious at my family.
WW

I was trembling, not only because of fear, but because of the anger too.

I felt ashamed, because even though it was not my fault, I wasnt doing anything about it.
He would always come home drunk and nobody would tell him anything because we were afraid of his reaction.
If nobody was going to tell him, I was going to tell him the dear truth.
Paragraph 6
By the time I was done thinking about how angry I was, the police had already taken the buff guy to prison.
I gave a sigh of relief and sat down.
G

Still, I was shaking, traumatized.

There was so much happening in my mind at that time to the peoint that I couldnt even think.

My mind and thoughts were blocked by a barrier, a barrier of fear.

I took some deep breaths.
Why do I have to be the one to do this? I asked myself.
WW

I felt alone.

Nobody was going to do this with me.

I am the youngest one in my family and yet this awful thing is all of a sudden my responsibility?
Hurt, I went up to my father.

Paragraph 7
My heart was pounding.

I was scared of hurting my own father.

I used my weak hand, still trembling to wipe the salty tears off my face.
Sweat all over my neck, dripping down my baby hairs.

I went up to him, and sat right besides him.

WW

No eye contact, nor words from him.

He just stared blankly at the wall.

Tears flowed down my circular jaw, making them drop to the floor.
Alcohol is just giving you problems problems daddy, I said.
As I sobbed, I continued.
You are the head of the house and know whats right and wrong.
You know how much alcohol can damage you?
Did you ever go to my elementary dances?
No because you were always out drinking daddy.
Just stop drinking.
Please, I am begging you.
I am tired of my friends asking for my dad.
His face turned red, for he felt ashamed.
Tears flew out of his face, as he gave me a hug.
A hug I would never forget.
I could feel all of his pain and regrets.
G

Tears gushed out my eyes.

After a few seconds of hugging, he smiled at me.

A crooked smile, knowing that what he had done was not right.
He promised me to never drink again.
I felt better and a huge relief that nothing like this would ever happen again.
I also felt happy for him, he had finally realized what he was doing and how bad it was.
My hands still trembled.
My eye bags were huge and my eyes were a faded red.
I smiled, he smiled back.