Diamonds Are Not a Girls Best Friend: Gender and Marriage in The Bell Jar

Written by: Serena LDara

In her novel, The Bell Jar, Sylvia Plath conveys the message that marriage to a man is not
as desirable as it is perceived to be due to inhibiting gender roles and by consistently associating
sex with violence, thus giving sex a negative connotation. Plath illustrates this relationship in the
way her protagonist, Esther Greenwood, perceives Marcos assault and Buddys distinct
contempt of women. These instances indicate that due to mens domineering gender roles,
women are forced to sacrifice their individuality and their freedom to such a degree that women
are unable to define themselves. This realization influences Esther to the extent that by the end of
the novel, Esther marries herself, not a man. Esther defies all gender conceptions and instead of
dedicating herself to a man, she makes a commitment to herself
Esther does not want to become the domestic homemaker. This becomes evident when
Esther contemplates on when she visited Buddy at medical school. Plath alludes to a love story
and Esther applies it to her own relationship reflecting that [Buddy and her] had met together
under [their] own imaginary fig tree, and what [they] had seen wasn't a bird coming out of an egg
but a baby coming out of a woman, and then something awful happened and [they] went [their]
separate ways (55). Esther realizes that her visit did not bring them together but instead the visit
makes her more hesitant to take the domestic route. The fig tree story is meant to depict a love
story, but instead, Esther experiences a cold unromantic visit with Buddy which more closely
relates to a gruesome birth. The fig trees connotations relate it to the Tree of Knowledge which
holds significance because this experience enlightens Esthers view of her relationship with
Buddy by realizing what is in store for her if she continues down the marital path she is on.
Esther fixates on the fact there was a baby instead of a bird in her experience and this scares her.
Instead of a sweet little bird hatching, she perceives a gruesome birth and this does not match the
happy birth of a relationship that she imagined her visit would be. This newfound knowledge
pushes Esther to further dislike the idea of marriage and all it entails for her.
Plath delves further into gender roles and through Esther's headstrong character one
can determine that although she craves some form of physical intimacy, she despises the fact that
it could compromise her freedom and her right to herself and her individuality. Buddy's proposal
serves as a form of confinement for her as it would make her sacrifice so much more of herself,
more than she is willing to. Esther responds to Buddys proposal saying Im never going to get

married (93). However, Plath depicts Buddys reaction to her statement when he says cheerfully,
youre crazy Youll change your mind (93). Buddy belittles Esthers stance on her lack of
marital desires and exhibits a dominant manner by treating Esther with a complete lack of
respect, while simultaneously requesting for her to say yes to his offer. Buddys proposal evokes
a strong reaction of repulsion from Esther because she perceives that Buddy will not respect her
mindset. Esther understands that marrying Buddy would mean sacrificing her own interests and
caving into all the things Buddy wants her to morph into once they are together.
The character of Marco acts as an extension of Buddys offer of marriage to Esther. In the
scene of Esthers assault, Plath introduces the motif of marriage as a metaphor for Marcos
diamond. Diamonds are a symbol of marriage and Marco declares that he will provide a service
worthy of a diamond (106). In addition, Plath characterizes Marco as being a woman hater
(106). Buddys mere contempt of women is taken a step further with Marcos downright hate for
the female sex. Marcos hatred foreshadows the attempted rape that is about to ensue as one of
the connotations of marriage is sex, thus forging another association between sex and violence.
As Esther fights off Marco, he continuously refers to women as sluts, all sluts.yes or no, it is
all the same (109). Marcos domineering attitude and unveiled detestation toward women makes
clear the point that to some men, womens rights or freedom is not even considered. Thus, Plaths
portrayal of Marco effectively correlates sex with violence to the extent that Esther is now
vehemently opposed to marriage.
In addition, Plath implies that marriage centers on the man due to the fact that as a
woman, society assumes that a woman needs a man to achieve success in life as well as to define
their sense of identity. When dancing with Marco, Esther is at first adamant that she cannot
dance. Marco responds with pretend you are drowning (107). Marcos comment implies that
women are helpless and literally need to be carried through life by a man. This ties into the idea
of marriage as Esther realizes that it doesnt take two to dance, it only takes one (107). In the
presence of a man, a woman is diminished to a helpless damsel with no free will or ability to
determine her own course. Her life becomes led by the man, just like the dance. The mans
domineering role compromises a womans ability to live her own life freely, as any success in
her life is credited to the man. Furthermore, she has sacrificed her free will, her own goals, and
thus the ability to make choices and forge her own identity.

By the end of the narrative, Esther succeeds in her objective of forging her individuality
by not getting married, but instead, being reborn by reforming herself after her mental
breakdown. The real achievement is defining herself, and it is not until she asserts to herself I
was my own woman, (223) that she decides to then find the proper sort of man (223). It is not
until she acquires her own sense of self that she sets out to find a man instead of first getting the
man deciding her agency based on that. However, by the end of the novel, it is evident that
finding a man is inadequate as she cares more about the fact that she is able to redefine herself.
Esthers intent is to establish her own sense of identity and become her own individual
woman. Esthers self-criticism is significantly due to the fact that she is a virgin. Earlier in the
novel, with Buddy, Esther admits to herself that he made [her] feel that [she] was much more
sexy and experienced than he was, (70) when ironically Buddy was the one who truly was not
pure anymore. Esther being the more experienced one lent her a sense of superiority and selfdefinition which she now lacks due to the fact it was false. Esther reflects that ever since the
corruption of Buddy Willard [her] virginity weighed like a millstone around [her] neck.(228)
Esthers new knowledge of Buddys character influences Esther to project a negative perception
of her inexperience. Buddys loss of his virginity is perceived into his transforming from a boy to
an experienced man and this holds back Esther as she feels she is left behind and less of a full
person.
Esther detaches sex from being a significant step in a relationship and in turn views
it more as another step towards becoming herself, which is apparent when she seduces Irwin. She
does not desire a personal connection with her first time and Esther reveals that [she] wanted
somebody [she] didnt know and wouldnt go on knowing a kind of impersonal, priestlike
official, as in the tales of tribal rites (228). Esther does not view Irwin as a romantic lover or
someone she wants a lasting relationship with because she merely wants someone qualified to do
the deed. Esther focuses more on the idea that losing her virginity is a ritual and a symbolic part
of her life, rather than being interested in a relationship with a man.
When Esther loses her virginity, she takes another step towards the progression of
determining herself and this act becomes an element of her own rebirth. After Esther has lost her
virginity, she bleeds a copious amount to the point where she [keeps] hoping every minute it
will stop (230). The sheer amount of blood and the fact that she felt part of a great tradition,
(230) indicates she has blossomed to a new person. Esthers extreme blood loss symbolizes the

copious amount of blood that occurs at a birth, furthering the idea that she has been reborn as a
result of her deed. In addition, Esther feels a sense of being a part of a great tradition that is
reminiscent of the marriage motif. Marriage is a great tradition that is purported to transform a
girl into a woman, and thus Esther further becomes more like herself.
Esther enforces owning her own identity when she is released from the psychiatric ward. Plath
reintroduces the marriage motif with Esther musing about something oldsomething new
(244). This is a phrase commonly associated with brides, and Esther encompasses both new and
old parts of her former self. Esther has at this point completely rejected the idea of marrying a
man and focuses on her newfound enlightenment, yet the ritualistic experience remains. Esther
describes her rebirth as a marriage, but not one to a man, but to herself. Plath illustrates this as
Esther realizes that [she] wasnt getting marriedthere ought to be a ritual for being born twice
patched, retreaded, and approved for the road (244). Esther expresses intense emotions
towards surviving her trials and redefining herself until she feels redefined and reborn as a
person. Esther herself has been repaired, stripped of her former self, and remade as someone
stronger and new. Esther emerges from her trials - not on a mans arm or with a ring on her
finger- but as her own woman.
Plath effectively portrays Esthers determination of herself and her commitment to herself
despite the pressures of the men she is exposed to. Plath links sex with violence in order to
further the point that marriage centers on the man, highlighting that women lose their freedom
once in a marital position. Esthers recognizes the inhibitions of marriage and her consequent
loss of freedom of individuality drives her to undergo her own ceremony, a rebirth of herself, and
a pledge to her own identity and sense of agency. Esthers experience feels like a ritual in itself
as Esther casts off the commitment of herself to a man and instead forges a bond with herself.

Works Cited
Plath, Sylvia. The Bell Jar. New York: Harper & Row, 1971. Print.