Jenny Lopez

Probst
English 1101
September 23, 2015
My Unfolding and Recovery
When self-evaluating my identity and realizing what makes me who I am and what it is
that I stand for I must incorporate my ethnicity as having a great deal in my development of how
I managed to be who I am today, as the person I want to see myself as. With describing who I
am I would not choose to place a label upon myself as an individual but I would rather go as far
as defining myself, as a better choice of words. I define myself as a Hispanic who takes great
pride and gratitude in her heritage and roots and aspire to continue having my connection with
my ethnicity grow.
Not until my first few years of elementary school did I think about what my ethnicity meant to
me, well in actuality what it meant to me at that point in my life; considering it now holds greater
more meaningful value to me currently. It usually starts off in grade school in some social
studies class or some language art project about "where your from?" Or "my family history",
where I start to discover and share with my classmates who I indeed am. With these projects
and along with my development through the years I reveal myself as being Hispanic. This new
discovery to the people I interact with everyday and my classmates now labels me as a
"Hispanic" for them, and for too; concluding that I just knew my own ethnicity and really did not
go beyond that.
Still being asked about my origins my response would still roam around the lines of just
Hispanic. Yes I was, just Hispanic, it seemed to make no different to the person whom asked
me about my heritage, as much at it did to me during my young childhood. I did not know in all
actuality what it meant to be Hispanic, nor did I bother to find out what it was that actually made

me Hispanic. What was it that defied me as a member of the Hispanic community, my tan
complexion, my ability to understand Dora and Spanish soap operas that my grandmother
would watch, being about to roll my r's when speaking Spanish or possibly the spicy food I could
handle to eat ? As I grew older and moved onto middle school I started to meet people who
were part of this Hispanic community as I was. Meeting new Hispanic friends really was
insightful for me, considering the fact that my elementary school lacked much ethnic diversity for
me to reflect on. It was within middle school that I could share with people that I was not just
Hispanic but rather now Mexican. I felt so proud meeting new people during new semesters and
school years and instantly recognizing a fellow Hispanic and cheerfully asking them Eres de
Mexico tambien? (Are you from Mexico too?) It was like an instant bond for me knowing that
they could understand me and that we shared a common second language. My identity as a
Hispanic was gaining its strength at this in my life. It was going having all this as a part of me
but I still seemed to be lacking concrete understanding of what these things meant in my life.
My parents have always gifted my three other siblings and I with fortune of being able to travel
to their motherland; Mexico. I know ever since I was born I have been able to during summer
breaks to visit the beautiful country of Mexico having my parent's guide me through the then
foreign land. Even with constant summer visits to Mexico that I enjoyed with my family I still felt
like a foreigner, as if I was out of place at times. Unfortunately the yearly summer trips to Mexico
had taken a halt at the end of my elementary year, for economic it reasons, it was not until 3
years later that I got the opportunity to resist the hot land for a brief visit of just one week.
Although I had previously been a commoner as you can call it of Mexico , my visit in the spring
of my eighth grade year made an impact on me. As much I loved to visit my parents birth
place,within the week of my stay I felt so uncomfortable. Within the three year hiatus from
traveling to Mexico I learning more, matured, and gained insight as a person though my
education I obtained. I can go as far as saying that I experienced culture shock within my own
culture. How ironic I must say. Being in Mexico I realized many things, the biggest and saddest

among them being that I lacked so much culture as a Hispanic, and that I actually had no idea
what it meant to be a Hispanic. I would wonder why it took me so long to realize that I knew
nothing about my roots. I could not properly pronounce nor spell where my ancestors where
from, I would constantly be embarrassed of mispronunciations of Spanish words, not knowing
how the currency worked or not being to relate with my own people. Know I knew what it meant
to be called, an outsider, a gringa, a foreigner.
My visit to Mexico gave me an abrupt realization that I had no idea what it meant to be of
Hispanic heritage. I reexamined my situation and thought instead of being confused and even
frustrated with my situation, I viewed this as a new emergence. I would take part and fully
immerse myself in my roots. The United States is composed of immigrants and I am the
offspring of Mexican-American citizens of the U.S. Who can still very much keep their roots
alive. I wanted to evaluate and incorporate as much as my heritage as I could. It became my
own self project for me, and to discover me. I would ask my parents questions I did not
understand while watching Spanish programming, ask them about their life in Mexico, or even
about Mexican history. I would honestly love how my parents faces would light up when asked
about their culture, that was now being mine too.
For the most part I am thankful I have basic understanding of the Spanish language. Language
was a major key focus for me. I decided to being there, I would improve my Spanish as much as
possible. It still to this day is among my greatest gratitude to my parents of gifting me with the
knowledge of the beautiful Spanish language. I am known as a slow reader already and with
spanish became twice as slow reading, as it was not my forte, neither was writing. To be honest
studying is not something everyone cheers for but I did not experience Spanish literature as
studying, as I saw it as a joy. Self studying how to properly read, write and pronounce Spanish
made me cherish the language so much, and quickly gain access to more knowledge. I gained
confidence in saying I am Mexican!. It made me proud to be a product of Hispanic heritage. I
wanted to share with everyone what it meant to me to be Hispanic and Mexican, so they too

could see the glory that I live.

During my years in high school I had the chance to run for the position of secretary, my junior
year in a club known as The Hispanic Leadership Club. I had been attending meetings since my
sip more year and thought my junior year would be a good time to involve myself as a Hispanic
in my high school. It was even better my senior year of high school when I ran and won as Vice
President of the HL. Now I could along with the committee and the members plan and take
stands as Hispanics. It made me produce to be able to lead meetings and inform the what it
means to be Hispanics living in America and making change, and impacting lives for future
generations as my parents did for me. This position continued to give me confidence and insight
to who I was. I was continuing to become a Hispanic leader who cherished to share her
ethnicity.
The phrase hard works pays off indeed is true, and it indeed feels great as I
experienced it. I felt this great achievement, when the time came to resist Mexico after 4 years. I
had before not been so anxiety is, excited , and nervous to travel to a place so foreign yet so
familiar at the same time. My recent two and a half weeks in Mexico of August of 2015 felt like
the biggest welcome home party to me. It was as if I had reconnected with a long lost friend and
my heart just felt so at ease once I entered the Mexican airports.
I no longer feel the self conscious stars of natives looking at me as the outsider I once felt
myself as, nor do I people catch me mess up on pronunciation as I once commonly did very
painfully so often. This place I could now call mine even know it is not my birthplace it is mine.
The phrase is also in present tense as my work still is not finished as I still have much to recover
to continue and stabilize the formation of my identity,my hard pays off, as it still is not finished.