Dalila Gonzalez

English1010

I used to be an excellent student but have transformed into a student that struggles
in passing courses. After freshman year in high school my education took a high fall
and to this day I still struggle as a student. I feel as if I am climbing at the top a tall
tree and when Im almost to the top I break a branch hitting every other branch on
my fall to the bottom unto a pile of mud. I have discovered the reason why I suck,
why I lack in school and what this lazy behavior I have. I use to be an A and B
student and I had lots of confidence in myself. I think it was because I had close
peers that had the same interest that wanted to maintain good grades in order to
remain in the after school activities. During middle school and ninth grade I had
peers that made good choices. Seeing them made me want to be great in school, I
was in Dance Company, on a basketball team, in flag football, and theater. My best
friends and I never let each other down; we always had each others back. We
would not let each other fail, like the time we needed each others help in math in
order to pass the class, I remember asking my best friend Carol, Hey did you
understand the math homework? She would reply, Yeah, but can you help me with
English? I dont have all the notes. Although there were times we helped each
other cheat, the point was we helped each other to succeed. My friends and I would
always make sure we helped each other understand the material and share the
knowledge that we knew, so that none of us would fall behind.
As sophomore year and the following semesters went by, I developed terrible
habits. I worked late which caused me be way too tired to get up for school. I had
missed three months of school both junior and senior year. I needed to work to
maintain my living and pay my bills. I graduated as an adult two years later and
began at the Salt Lake Community College fall of 2013. I had these bad habits, I
couldnt focus, I sometimes had the tendency to sleep in after working late, which
caused me to be late in my first class. I couldnt sit and focus to read or study for
important curriculum and exams. I struggled with homework trying to start it as well
as, finish it. I realized that the only time that I would be able to focus and complete
an assignment was working under pressure. Meaning I was only able to accomplish
studying the night of or, the day before the assignment or test was due. Even with
my late night studying and trying to cram information it was still never enough to
achieve the grades that it took to pass my courses. I would procrastinate schoolwork and I would find an excuse to provide a break throughout my studying such as,
feeling hungry, asking myself if I forgot to do something, or if my mother asked me
if I can do something for her. Such excuses would lore me away from what I needed

to do, I could have said no and continued with my study time but it was difficult. I
couldnt sit and focus for very long, I would read what was needed for an exam and I
would space out while reading it, unable to take in the information that I had read, I
would re-read it over again and the results in trying to remember were complete
blank. My mind would not focus or take in information in unless I had great interest
in it. I would daydream a lot when I would try to study, my mind would expand to
multiple memories leading to thoughts, present thoughts, futuristic thoughts and,
reversing in seconds. I would have to come back to reality and study but in minutes
my mind began wondering again. I noticed my mind always wondering, when Im
working, when its too quiet, or if Im sitting in lectures. If I had on instrumental
music or other music while studying, my mind would turn to musical thoughts and
memories. All of the things that seemed to help other students never helped me. No
matter what I tried, only result that helped me somewhat in focusing was
pressure, which again was never enough. Terrible things began happening on a daily
basis that would create frustration. I would walk in a room to grab something
although I would grab something different. It became a normal routine for me to
lose my wallet, car keys, phone, forget a debit card, or misplace things that I had
sat down minutes prior. I would forget to eat; I had behaviors of insomnia for
example, by going two weeks out of the month with no sleep until dawn and wake
until late afternoon. I was terrible with proper time management; I was always a few
minutes late for work each day, always a few minutes late for classes. I was in my
second year at SLCC and I had been working full-time as a certified nurse assistant
for some years now. For some time I had been working with a friend name Omaira,
who I call my other mom, she is my wise advice that I always seek when I need
help. During my high school years to the beginning of college my parents were not
around. I had no friends and Omaira and I had befriended each other. She always
cared and worried about my education, she has a grown boy and little girl but she
also saw me not just as a friend but a second daughter. She knew a lot about me
and she began noticing certain new behaviors at work that I did. For example, when
she or other caregivers/ employees would report to me information regarding our
fellow senior residents, I would not pay attention. My mind would fade away into an
expansion of memories and thoughts eventually; I would come back to reality and
forget things that were recently reported to me throughout the conversation. Like a
time when I was folding a senior residents laundry a supervisor named Hannah,
approached me and said, Hey Dolly, so Aldean is not feeling well and the nurse
would like for us to take her vital signs that way we can see what they can give her.
Also Anne (our manager) would like us to finish the census and put it in her box
when we are done. And some of the care managers are not answering the lights in
order that were paged and we have family members that are upset because their
parents are waiting to get help for too long. Omaira had been working on a set of
laundry and was watching. I replied hesitating, Okay so uh Ill take her vitals and Ill
finish the census. Wait! Wait! Was the other thing you said? by that point I had
finished folding some of the laundry and Hannah responded, The girls are not
answering the lights in order, families are upset that their waiting. I answered Oh

okay! Sorry I forget Ill talk to the girls about that at the meeting. Then as I walked
away Hannah asked, Dolly are you done with the laundry? Whose laundry is this? I
had, and would sometimes walk away from things unfinished or forget half the
things that were spoken to me. I mentally had a hard time focusing and listening
when people spoke to me, I would forget some or all of information. Omaira kept
note of my behaviors and suggested I seek behavioral help; her son was diagnoses
with ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) and thought I may have it to. I had put so
much money into my schooling and books with the results of failing grades, I was
sick of it, I was sick of the poor habits as well as, how my mind worked that was
causing mixed emotions and a lot of stress in my life.
November of 2014 I was diagnosed with ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity
disorder), and it had turned my world upside but, in some way some things became
clear to me in which made every that I was doing make sense. I began having
secondary depression and continued with insomnia. Because I was having the
awareness of my ADHD I paid close attention to the behaviors trying to work with
my habits that Ive had created for so long. My symptoms worsened I got mood
swings and brain fogs, my brain fogs were very interesting because it is of multiple
thoughts and memories that are passing throughout mind that changes within
seconds for hours all at once and not being able to focus in any of the thoughts and
memories happening. These brain fogs are the worse to have, you feel sick to the
brain, nausea, and sometimes it remains for hours. Sleeping is the best solution to
relieve the fog but most of the time it usually occurs when I am not in the position
to sleep, usually while I am at work or school. My depression occurs to this day but I
have found that it is linked to an unbalanced sleep schedule and the frustration that
comes with knowing my mind is different, knowing that others can just crack down
and focus and despite my best attempts I still find tasks and chores going undone.
When I explain how my mind works with my closest, best friends it can be rather
difficult, they are amazed at how I can even function on a daily basis. I was shocked
that they do not have these minds sets and problems. I get emotional frequently
because I know I am different in mind. What I had to discover alone is something
that I cannot explain quite well to my parents, my parents lacked education and my
grammar in Spanish is not well, I cannot explain to them in detail how I feel. I see
the ADHD behaviors in my parents and siblings. There is a satisfying clear sense
knowing in my familys and my past problematic issues we had to this present day
that the choices we made was influenced caused by ADHD. How could we have
known? However, ADHD does have some strong positive traits.
People with ADHD are very creative and when captured by interest we can be very
productive, passionate to the subject matter, they have excellent social skills and
when accomplishing self-discipline we can be very intellectual and loyal to the
subject matter that interests us. The need to feel productive is import, for example I
need to have multiple projects in my life, not one but multiple projects. When I have
positive energy around me I need to stay active, pick up courses that lead me to my

long-term degree, make lists and accomplish errands that may help me with my
dream goals whether they are short or long-term. We have great detailed memories
when explaining an occurrence, experience, or stories. Because they have captured
our interest we are great at remembering them so well. There are of course the
negative traits of ADHD, a side from procrastination, poor time management,
forgetfulness, insomnia, secondary depression, fidgeting, lack of focus, brain fogs
etc. In my opinion it is most fearful to fall in limbo. Limbo is not an actual symptom
however; my current psychologist has understood the meaning of explanation I had
given her about limbo. Limbo can be very negative. Limbo to me is an occurrence
that happens for a long period, you may call it depression but I think its different.
Feeling like I am in limbo is a time where I had gone two semesters without college
due to lack of finance, I had changed employment and accepted less salary. I was in
a position where I had complete the challenges of being a nurse assistant for five
years and realized that I should have already received my nursing degree. I began
remembering my lack of choices for not completing my education on time but
remembering the reason why I have struggled so much. I had no desires to dream
or to do, no desires to plan or physically work out. I knew that to maintain a healthy
brain you should maintain good psychical health but there was no desire. I was
aware of what I was feeling and going through and, what I needed to do to relieve
some of the negative energy, but I still remained in limbo. With limbo you do not
feel sad or happy. Your emotionless, you may care for a split second but then you
dont. I had remained the majority of my time in my room on my bed watching
Netflix. When it comes to personal or problematic issues that trigger my emotions I
am great and the only one that can help myself. Just like my mother we use selftherapy. Our feelings and problems are relieved within ourselves. Although some
problems still remain and have not been resolved we are able to deal with our
emotions alone and move on. For Limbo it is something I cannot help myself nor
could others. When falling in limbo I would inform people that are worried about me
in an honest and proper manner that the only way to come out of limbo is time,
time passing is the result that helps. From my own experiences, it comes and stays
for months sometimes weeks all that can be done is to wait for it to pass. No matter
what my best friends, mom, or boyfriend tried they couldnt help me.
I am in the prime process with properly dealing with my ADHD. I have determination
this year to overcome the struggles. With the determination and the start of medical
support there have been lots of sacrifices I have made in order to function the way I
want to in order to succeed with my schooling. I still lack sleep and have poor time
management, but I am determined to make school a priority. By changing it to the
top of the list of priorities, things still get neglected, but now instead of schooling
and homework, things like meal times or social life are neglected. I wake on time
and make it to class on time. Where as before it was the other way around. Because
I am still dealing with it, still trying to maintain a well-balanced schedule its been a
great challenge from the beginning. My support still stands with therapy and the
open suggestions of medication, as well as the support of my lover Benjamin you

has been diagnosed since he was a child. He carries with him lots of experiences
and helpful information that helps me work though this difficult period in my life. I
have changed my living arrangements to a lower environment that has put me in a
position where I can work less and focus more in school so that I dont have to worry
about finances. Soon changes of positive accomplishments will help me become a
stronger student. I have support from resources that I never expected to have.
Having a lack of support from my parents because they cannot understand, I cannot
blame them for it. We live in a world where we must appreciate what we at least
from our loved ones. This is one life we live, this is my one life I am living and at
times I may feel like a failure but I remember that I am still trying; I am still fighting
to get through school. I will not forget that I am the first to finish high school and,
first to go to college. I am the first in my family to learn from the traits of ADHD. I
have already started to make changes to better myself, its been difficult but its all
for the better. I write not to tell you a story but to remind myself to keep up with my
confidence, fight in order to seek happiness and fulfill my dreams.

Unit 1 Reflection: Rhetorical writing and the Narrative essay

1. Name one significant concept or idea that you have learned about in
this first unit. Why is this significant to you? Name one concept
which did not make sense and/or did not seem as significant to you
as it did to the instructors/tutors/authors. How do you make sense of
these differences?

I thought that rhetorical writing would be easy, knowing that a narrative draft is
pretty much freedom writing. I realized that there are suggestions that ought to be
added into a narrative essay to make it interesting. For example, once I help fix up
some grammar and cut back on a lot of non-necessities. I felt more like wanting my
writing to sound more as if I was speaking to an audience; it was hard trying to edit
my paper in making it sound more stories like. My ways in telling a story needs to

have a lot of details in order to make someone understand what I am trying to

explain. In this case a lot of my narrative draft had wording in which could not be
clear in what I was trying to explain. The tutor Jeanette suggested I add dialogue
throughout my writing especially in the people I have introduced in my essay. This
was especially different of writing that I am use to, I do not like to write in dialogue
form and it was hard to see why it would help my paper sound more like story mode
essay.

2. Has your view of writing changed because of the materials or your

experiences in the course? If so how? What implications do these
changes have on how you view your own writing? If there have not
been changes, how do your views of writing agree or disagree with
those being promoted in the textbook and course?

I guess somewhat my thoughts and viewpoint in writing has changed but, maybe
not for the better of my interest that I dont really have. Im passionate about
speaking but when it comes to writing or texting, especially I dislike the most. I
need the social relationship of the people I speak to, sharing my feelings in paper or
thoughts are never satisfying because I cannot express my deepest feelings into it, I
cannot emphasis the expression I would have liked to. The text book shows you the
difference in the ways of writing, from texting, to media, to a narrative, to a memo,
to a research paper. As well as learning the concepts of ethos, pathos, and logos
and how you can use them in order to support writing. But really, how can ethos,
pathos, or logos help in writing a narrative essay like mine? My essay contained
symptoms of ADHD for example, but the main idea of my narrative was not the
logical facts of the symptoms of ADHD. My main idea was the experiences in
dealing with my own personal matter of ADHD and how I became a student the
struggles in passing courses. My essay did have the sense of the sad difficulties of
the struggles I have gone through but the emotions have cleared away when I
edited a lot that was needed in order to make sense of my sentences and writing.
Because I have followed the rules of proper grammar and word choices, the essay in
result feels like the emotions are disappointing. I dont disagree in the textbook but,
I do disagree in English writing, my first language I spoke was Spanish and if English
speakers were to learn another language they would see that some words are direct
and clear to understand a meaning thats much easier. With English there are lots of
option to mix words and rearrange sentences to make it sound like the same
meaning thats being expressed however, there are rules in which certain words
cannot be used in sentence that does not belong.

3. Reflect on your current revisions on your Narrative essay. What is

going well? What is causing you problems? What new strategies for
revision have you or could you employ to help?

I look back between my revision and the narrative, I compare the two and I see that
my final revision make sense in the rules applied with the English writing methods
and concepts however, its disappointing that the passion and sincere deep
meaning behind the writing has faded. I can say it is decent essay that follows the
requirements but, it has disappointed my heart and true feelings of my essay, I
guess I failed myself in feeling like I could speak of what I wanted to say.
4. What have you done to fulfill the participation points (10%) for the
course? (e.g. comments on announcements, responding to questions from
peers or teachers online, researching writing concepts you are struggling
with, attending or participating in events connected to writing etc). What
is your plan for meeting this requirement in the next unit?

I seek tutoring advice twice this past week; Jeanette helped me edit some of the
information I had included that were not relevant to the main idea of my essay. She
has helped me realize that long paragraph is only good if they are balance d and
without too many wordings that surround the actual meaning in what is being
explained. She talked about how important the people in my essay are and that I
should write more about them in my essay since they were a big part of the ADHD
moment. By adding a bit of dialogue the essay can help keep it interesting and
make it sound more like I am telling a story. Although it was difficult since I am one
that is great and use to explaining a lot I tend to lack are strong traits. Jeanette
helped me add that. I plan to attend the writing center and learn side by side ways
in helping understand the writing requirements of each essay we plan in submitting
this semester, like Brittany stated that my narrative was going to be passionate and
quite long. Although a lot of the editing faded some of it away I was a bit glad that I
created an essay that actually followed specific rules with word choices and
grammar.

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