Christina Marie Smith

WRT 1020, Section 2; College Comp II

Dr. William Shea
Fall, 2015 Thursday, 7-10 p.m.
Weekly Analytical/Reflective E-Journal Entry
Readings from Blackboard: Kid Rock.doc

Journal Entry #3
Read the Kid Rock essay. Come up with four suggestionsbe specific in your thinkingon how
to improve this essay. Elaborate on each point.

The thesis of the writers paper is solely the topic of concerts and starts with stating that
Concerts have existed since musics birth however there is no factual information to help the
reader understand when musics birth was, and how concerts are intertwined with it. One fact
that would help to understand that concerts are important to music is slightly stated by the
writer as helping to promote the artists of today, however that statement is lacking any
definitive or factual information by refraining how exactly it promotes the artists while also not
being the main form of advertising todays artists since most promotional music in modern day
extends concerts and is done via music streaming or social media outlets, since many people
cannot make time or have the money to attend concerts.
The second paragraph is based upon general assumptions that the reader should know
how all good concerts start, but does not provide any form of informative standards for what
good concerts entail. The writer does provide personal perspective that should be refrained
from in analytical writing, by implying long lines are the fundamental basis of a great concert
and also the generalized statement about random spurts of fighting amongst crowds, women
flashing topless and the actions of those individuals involved in such activity derive directly
due to consumption of alcohol. None of those statements provided to the reader are backed up
by any examples from other concerts or drinking at a concert, nor do they give a clear picture
for what a reader could experience at a kid rock concert.