Friday April 3rd

Got full marks in the Geography test today. Yes! I am proud to report that I got twenty out of twenty! I
was also complimented on the neat presentation of my work. There is nothing I don't know about the
Norwegian leather industry. Barry Kent seems to take delight in being ignorant. When Miss Elf asked him
where Norway was in relation to Britain he said, 'First cousin twice removed'. It hurts me to relate that
even Pandora laughed with the rest of the class. Only Miss Elf and I remained composed. Unblocked Bert
Baxter's drain, it was full of old bones and tea leaves. I told Bert that he really ought to use tea-bags. After
all, this is the twentieth century! Bert said that he would give them a try. I told him that my mother has run
away with an insurance man, he said 'Was it an Act of God?' Then he laughed until his eyes watered.
Saturday April 4th
New Moon
Me and my father cleaned the house up today. We had no choice: my grandma is coming for tea tomorrow.
We went to Sainsbury's in the afternoon. My father chose a trolley that was impossible to steer. It also
squeaked as if somebody was torturing mice. I was ashamed to be heard with it. My father chose food that
is bad for you. I had to put my foot down and insist that he bought some fresh fruit and salad. When we
got to the check-out he couldn't find his banker's card, the cashier wouldn't take a cheque without it, so the
supervisor had to come and stop the argument. I had to lend my father some of my birthday money. So he
owes me eight pounds thirty-eight and a half pence. I made him write an IOU on the back of the till roll.
But I must say that I take my hat off to Sainsbury's, they seem to attract a better class of person. I saw a
vicar choosing toilet paper; he chose a four-roll pack of purple three-ply. He must have money to burn! He
could have bought some shiny white and given the difference to the poor. What a hypocrite!
Sunday April 5th
Passion Sunday
Nigel came round this morning. He is still mad about Pandora. I tried to take his mind off her by talking
about the Norwegian leather industry but he couldn't get interested somehow. I made my father get up at 1
PM. I don't see why he should lie stinking in bed all day when I am up and about. He got up and went
outside to clean the car. He found one of my mother's earrings down the side of the back seat and he just
sat there staring at it. He said, 'Adrian, do you miss your mother?' I replied, 'Of course I do, but life must
go on'. He then said, 'I don't see why'. I took this to mean that he was suicidal, so I immediately went
upstairs and removed anything harmful from the bathroom. After we had eaten our frozen roast-beef
dinner and I was washing up, he shouted from the bathroom for his razor. I lied and shouted back that I
didn't know where it was. I then removed every knife and sharp instrument from the kitchen drawer. He
tried to get his battery razor to work but the batteries had leaked and gone all green. I like to think I am
broad-minded but the language my father used was beyond the pale, and all because he couldn't have a
shave! Tea was a bit of a drag. My grandma kept saying horrible things about my mother and my father
kept rambling on about how much he missed her. Nobody even noticed I was in the room! The dog got
more attention than me! My grandma told my father off for growing a beard. She said, 'You may think it
amusing to look like a communist, George, but I don't'. She said that even in the trenches my grandad had
shaved every day. Sometimes he had to stop rats from eating his shaving soap. She said that my grandad
was even shaved by the undertaker when lying in his coffin, so if the dead could shave there was no
excuse for the living. My father tried to explain, but grandma didn't stop talking once so it was a bit
difficult. We were both glad when she went home. Looked at Big and Bouncy. It is Passion Sunday after
all!
I

Match the words and phrases to their definitions.

1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
II

Composed
a) unacceptable
Trolley
b) to talk or write in a confused way, often for a long time
Steer
c) to speak angrily to someone because they did something wrong:
Put ones foot down
d) calm, tranquil
Beyond the pale
e) to use authority to stop something happening
Ramble
f) a small vehicle that you push to transport objects on
Tell off
g) to control the direction of a vehicle
Answer the questions about the text using your own words.

1. Why was Adrian hurt by Pandoras laugh to Barrys joke in class?

__________________________________________________________________________________
2. Explain the joke Bert made in connection to Adrians mother leaving with the insurance man.
__________________________________________________________________________________
3. Why does Adrian believe that the vicar is a hypocrite?
__________________________________________________________________________________
4. What made Adrians father be depressed and possibly suicidal?
__________________________________________________________________________________
5. Why were Adrian and his father glad when Grandma Mole went home?
__________________________________________________________________________________
III

Define or provide synonyms for the bolded words and phrases.

1. Barry Kent seems to take delight in being ignorant.
__________________________________________________________________________________
2. My father chose a trolley that was impossible to steer. It also squeaked as if somebody was
torturing mice.
__________________________________________________________________________________
3. Tea was a bit of a drag. My grandma kept saying horrible things about my mother and my father
kept rambling on about how much he missed her.
__________________________________________________________________________________

IV

Use the words and phrases below in sentences of your own.

1. Laugh until your eyes water
__________________________________________________________________________________
2. Have money to burn
__________________________________________________________________________________
3. Take your mind off
__________________________________________________________________________________
4. Broad-minded
__________________________________________________________________________________
5. No excuse
__________________________________________________________________________________