10 things all men should do before theyre 30

06

10
Drive something
Cruising through M1 roadworks at a steady
50mph for the first time after passing your
test? Hell, you might as well be Vin Diesel.
Alternatively, if you really want to get out of
control, nick one of the vehicles at your local
go-karting club and head out for a spin. There
it is, you sticking it to The Man.

09

Join a club
From fortnightly
five-a-side to the
weekly Wetherspoons
Curry Club, a bit of
male bonding gives
your life a sense of
purpose. Just dont
accidentally join any
death cults you never
know whatll happen at
a Warhammer meet-up.

08

Pose for an iconic pic

No Facebook profile is
146

JULY 2015

complete without a
snap of you dickishly
pinching the Eiffel
Tower, pushing the
Leaning Tower of Pisa,
or covering your
bedroom with photos
of your ex. Actually,
maybe not the last one.

07

Finish The Wire

People are only going
to keep on asking you,
arent they? Its now
more acceptable to be
a virgin in your 30s
than it is to have never

Poach an egg properly

Be the master of this
one fiddly thing in the
kitchen and women
will forever think
youre some sort of
Gregg Im tasting
strawberries Wallace/
Gordon Ramsay
sexbot. Clue: vinegars
the key (to the eggs,
not the sex, obviously).

of fluorescent paint
and Jgermeister.

03

Try wearing whiskers

Whether its Guido
Fawkes face-fuzz or
a full-blown bushy
beard, only faff with
your facial hair while
youre young enough
to get away with it.
Otherwise youll
resemble the sort
of bloke who
rummages in bins
for used jazz mags.

02

Pretend to be a ladyboy
Because tucking your
bits inside your legs
for lols is fairly
amusing when youre
young, but not so
much when youre 35
and in the changing
area of a council
swimming pool.

Be a festival idiot
Its a rite of passage
to cause a ruckus at
Reading or turn a
caravan at Download
into an all-night
dubstep rave. But do
it while youre young
and single: no toddler
wants to see their dad
dancing with a tree at
7am when Glastonbury
finished days earlier.

04

01

05

Sleep on a beach
Be it Norfolk or Ayia
Napa, nothing puts
you more at one with
the elements than
having a rave on a
beach that goes on
until dog walkers find
you the next morning
and assume theyve
found a washed-up
corpse albeit one
covered in a mixture

Invent something
Steve Jobs was 21
when he founded
Apple, so get your
skates on if you want
to invent something
that changes the
world. Maybe sit under
a tree in the hope you
discover a successor to
gravity. Or go online
and steal someone
elses idea. Easy.
See

Words: Si Cunningham. PHOTOGRAPHY: REX

seen any of the major

HBO sagas, so get on
it. See also: Breaking
Bad, Lost, anything
else that tit at work
keeps going on about.

you next.
month..