Khayla Mitchell

Mr. Spencer
Love & Identity
21 October 2015

Love as A Black Teen

When my English teacher assigned me to write about love in my culture I was more than excited
to be able to ask people about their personal love lives and experiences and have a reason for it. In my
head I had chosen three people to interview right as the project was introduced; My good friends Jiovhani
C. Jiovanni L. and Demarco D. Now I chose these three because I knew Id get three completely different
perspectives. I expected Jiovahni to talk about how love has ruined him or how every relationship has
broken his heart. I expected Demarco to say that love is unnecessary, a frivolous state of being that
merely makes us believe we are whole when in actuality it tears us up inside. From Jiovanni, I expected
nothing more than a I don't know what love is but it seems stupid. To my surprise a lot of their responses
were more similar than not. And their responses weren't always what I expected to hear.
The first person I interviewed was definitely the dissident of the group. His name is Jiovanni Lerouge;
and boy was I in for a surprise. He came to me with a simple disclaimer saying Most of what I know
about love is from TV so just letting you know at this moment I knew I was about to hear some of the
most strangely insightful things Ive ever heard. Now for you to understand Jios interview you should
know that he is a class clown, a comedian and a brutally honest 18-year-old boy. He isnt as interested in
romance and love as he is with cartoons, old television shows and practical jokes. Our interview began
and I asked fairly simple and basic questions about love. What is love to you? How do you know youre
in love? What makes a good relationship? At first I received pretty simple answers; To me love is what
you feel when you really care about someone and when the feeling is mutual , I wouldn't know if I was
in love because I don't know what that feels like if someone else was in love I would know because they

would be able to show it and not just say it., A good relationship to me is when you understand each
other and can overcome problems without too much of an issue. The answers Jio gave me were vague,
expected and to be honest not a reflection of his personality so I then began to ask him Jio why are you
being so closed up and quiet ? Answer these questions as if it isnt for a paper and youre talking to me
as you normally would; And as he began to answer the plethora of questions I presented him with I began
to understand that love for Jio wasnt necessarily a person or a place but it was a place where he felt safe;
It was Saturday morning 90s cartoons, High school musical and Disney channel original movies. It was
honey buns and chips at any time of the day, it was comfort, it was peace, it was love. My understanding
of this furthered as we talked more and I began to realize Jios love was just being himself and being
comfortable while doing it. These different and odd things are love for him, and rightly so because they
won't ever leave or forsake him and he can rely on comfort to be wherever he needs it to be.
As for my second interviewee he's someone who's very loving, a good friend of mine who's always been
like a brother and someone who's had their fair share of Breakups and heartache at the difficult age of 19.
His name is Jiovahni C. and he was very open, very emotional and sort of eager to get his thoughts of
love out of his mouth and on the lines of my note pad. I again began to ask a slew of questions about love
and in return I received something that sounded like a love sonnet. I began to ask Can you give me a
story on love? He began to trail the floor with his eyes and asked Do I have to get personal? I told
him that he could get as personal as was comfortable for him and he began to open up about his last
relationship. He said One experience with love that I had was with a girl named Kira Lee. We dated for
like, about a year. She was my best friend, she was hilarious, she was gorgeous, she was beautiful, she
rode out for me. Sometimes we struggled; but we always laughed. Even till this day she is my best friend
She was the first girl I ever fell in love with; and yeah. He was hurt and taken aback by the nostalgic
and yet almost haunting memory of his ex. I didnt want to pry or pester but i asked him How did you
know it was love? And he simply said There was nobody else, she was the only one Id think about, It
was her. After we had a conversation about Kira, we began a lighter conversation and began to talk about
the general topic of discussion; What is love to a black teenager? We spoke about communication in a

good relationship, the hardest parts of love and life and The idea that love never goes away if its true. In
that moment I thought to myself How can he tell me he was in love if him and his love had broken up?
Before I could finish my thought Jio said I guess itd be hard for me to tell you about real love,
considering I havent had it for myself. My mind immediately screamed back to the drawing board
because I was looking for someone to tell me what true love was but the fact of the matter was nobody
knew!
The last person I interviewed was Demarco. Every conversation I've ever had with Demarco about

love or relationships ended in argument and disagreement. Demarco is someone who's never had
an issue expressing that he feels relationships at our age are pointless and for fun. I expected a
vague, boring and very honest talk with Demarco. I was right about at least one of those things.
The amount of blatant but respectful honesty I received from Demarco was refreshing in a sense;
it reminded me that even people who believe that love is a waste of time for themselves
personally, know the properties and qualities of a solid relationship. He kept questioning Why
me? Why would you ask me? All I could really say was that I wanted the opinion of someone
who always shot down the idea of love. I think by me assuming that Demarco decided to surprise
me with his answers to my questions. To start our interview, I asked How do you know when
someone is in love? He began to reply by saying When they still have an opinion or feelings
about your actions after the break up. If they deny that they care but still act in a way to please
their ex, theyre in love. I also asked him What has kept you from love? He said getting hurt
or feeling stupid after the fact has kept me from loving someone. To me Demarco was saying
that love has a way of making you fall completely head over heels for someone and after it ends
youre left alone and feeling empty without your ex. Demarco said to me Ive never been in
love; I love my family but I have never been in love with a female. I then asked How do you
know anything about authentic romantic love? He confessed to me that Love is shown all on

television and in movies; I feel like thats how most people know about love. I took the
information that my interviewees gave me and I began to reflect on my own ideas of love.
My own vision of love consisted of Valentines day gifts, Anniversary dinners and frivolous
I love you more messages, calls consisting of favors ending in youre the best baby and Forever
and always on every Instagram post. But in my culture of being a African American teenager
Ive learned that I love yous usually mean, I like you for the moment and forevers are as
long as it takes for you to fall second to somebody else. As a teen Ive seen multiple sides of
love. Ive seen the love that Jio L. knows which is Good times Different Strokes and The
Jeffersons on a Saturday morning. Laughing at anything and everything and being happy and
comfortable enough to not care; That was love. Ive felt the love Demarco feels with my mother.
Id sit in between my moms legs with a bowl of bacon, eggs, home fries and biscuits that I
swear to you was the official scent of Heaven. Id sit and jerk my head as my mom dragged the
comb through my poof of hair to try to get a straight part for my cornrows. The bribery of a
chocolate bar, a surprise treat at the mall or just the constant Youre doing such a good job;
youre my big girl! That was love, reassurance, comfort, routine it was all love. Ive felt the
love that Jio C. feels that love that really makes you wonder why youve never wanted to be in a
relationship until it ends. The type of love that makes you yearn for somebody no matter how
they did you wrong. The type of love that makes you forgive and repeatedly go back because
youd rather make it work than start over with somebody else. Ive personally never been in a
fully committed romantic relationship and right now I do not believe I truly know what love is.
Ive personally been basing love off of the media and the picture that appears in my head when I
hear Love. Love on television is making up after a fight and then arguing over who was more
wrong in a cute and sappy way. Love on television taught me that people should love you despite

your flaws and that doesn't always happen in my culture. Ive come to the conclusion that while
love in the teen African American culture is often based off of an ideal and not actual experiences
it is also expected to be a lifelong feeling. The idea of love and marriage and a lifelong
commitment is etched into the minds of the people in my culture by the books we read and the
television we watch. The failure to imitate these relationship values and goals is an issue that is
causing my culture to lose sight of what a real long lasting true love is. My culture sees what real
love can and should look like. My culture is also aware of what it takes to get there but finds
trouble keeping up with their efforts to stay together. My culture does not completely believe in
long term committed relationships. Together our culture can definitely change up and make a
difference and make love a bit more attainable. Love in my culture is a whole bunch of things but
it's very rare to find at this age. Its genuine and it's also a commitment to be with someone
through everything. That's what love is in my culture.