Pain,TheUltimateFrenemy

Nobodylikestobeinpain.Ourbrainsareinfactwiredtoeludepain,tosurvivebyavoidingthe
sourcesofoursufferingatallcosts.Thisworksverywellwhenabearattacksorwhensurviving
thetraumaofacivilwar.Theproblemisthatsomeofthebrainstructuresinvolvedinpain
avoidanceareamongitsmostprimitive.Thebraindoesnotalwaysdiscriminatewellbetween
realthreatsandopportunities,anditoftenfailstorecognizewhenathreathassubsided.Our
naturalinstinctsanddesiresareunreliablenavigatorsofpainandsuffering.Moreover,whenwe
avoidtheexperienceofpain,ormoreaccurately,denythepainthatispresent,weopenourselves
toahostofpsychologicalandspiritualproblems.
Emotionalpainisafactoflifeforeverypersonwholivesandwalksthisearth.Formany,perhaps
20%30%ofus,emotionalpainisfeltdeeplyandprofoundly.Psychologist,Dr.LeonSeltzer
identifies15experiencescommonlyassociatedwithemotionalpain.Checkoffhowmanyyou
couldrelatetoatsometimeoranother.
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Unworthyorworthless_____
Disapprovedof,invalidated,orrejected_____
Notlistenedtoorunderstood_____
Likeanonentityorinvisible_____
Unloved,notcaredaboutorwanted_____
Insulted,disparaged,disrespected,distrusted,devalued,ordiscounted_____
Aggressedagainst,takenadvantageof;betrayed_____
Inadequate,defective,incompetent,behindthecurve,inferiororlookeddownupon,
unacceptable_____
Slow,stupid,foolishorsilly;contemptible_____
Dishonorableorcowardly_____
Embarrassedorhumiliated_____
Weak,helpless,ordefenseless_____
Undeservingoftime,attention,orrecognition_____
Likeafailure;"loser"_____
Guiltyshamefulorabadpersongenerally_____

Psychologistssuggestthatbyacknowledgingtheseemotionswithoutselfjudgmentandby
allowingourselvestoexperiencepainandcommunicateourfeelingswithothers,wefinda
measureofreliefandimprovedemotionalhealth.
IntheJourneyFromEnnuied,painisnotsomethingtobeexplained,measured,orfully
understood.Emotionalpain,however,isanimportantmotivationforspiritualjourney;itisthe
entrypointforempathyandsufferingisthegatewaytogiveandreceivelove.Morespecifically,
painandsufferinggiftuswithClues,Contrast,andContingencyforhealing.
Clues
Whenweexperiencecyclesofemotionalpain,webecomeawarethatsomethingwithinusmay
beoffkilterandweareofferedcluesaboutwhatiswrong.Often,merelybeingawareofa
problemleadstomorehopelessnessthanfreedom,butifweletit,thisdepthofpaincanleadusto

wonderfulplaces.InTheJourneyFromEnnuiedspiritualjourneysbeginthroughtheexperience
ofdisillusionment,rejection,guilt,andevenboredom.
Contrast
Emotionalpainandsufferingareseldomwhatanyonehasplannedfortheirlifeexperience.In
fact,seriousandrepeatedboutsofemotionalpainareoftentheveryoppositeofourhopesand
dreams.Anotherhiddengiftinpainandsufferingisthattheydriveourjourneytowardsomething
more,somethingmuchbetter.Howmanyofushaveragedinsidethat,Theremustbemore!
Thiscontrastbetweenourexperiencesandourdreamsshowsusthedirectionofouremotional
spiritualjourney.Itistosomewhereelse,aplacethatisstrikinglydifferent.
Contingency
Contingencycanrefertosomethingthatmayoccur,butisnotcertaintodoso.Inthesameway,
emotionalpaincanbetheverythingthatleadsustohealingandlife.Wecanletemotionalpain
breakdownourprideandselfsufficiency,andourneedtocontrol.Emotionalpaincanopenusto
receivekindnessfromotherswhenwepresentthemwithourweaknessratherthanourstrength.
Evenmore,whenweletemotionalpainshowusourspiritualneedandourinabilitytoachieve
healingthroughpersonalstrengthandselfservingefforts,wecanfinallyopenourselvesto
tremendousspiritualwonders.
IwillclosewithapassagefromTheJourneyFromEnnuiedthatmaycommunicateallofthisso
muchbetterthanmyexplanations.
IwasincredulousatwhatIsawwhenIlookedatmyownreflection.Allovermybody,theblemishes
thatcameuponmeduringmylastdaysinEnnuiedhadbeenscrapedawaybytheneedlesandbranches.
Mostsurrealandmorbidlyfascinatingwasthewoundovermyheart.Ifeltreasonablystronginmybody
andIknewmyheartwasworking,yetIwaskeenlyawarethatapartofmyheartthathadbeenwithmemy
wholelifehaddiedwhenpiercedbythewood.Ifeltdifferent,abitlikesomethinghadbeentakenaway
frommethatmademewhoIam,yetIfeltastrangefreedomasthoughunencumberedbysomesickened
partofmebeyondrepair.
Needlesstosay,Iwasextraordinarilythirstyandgiventhepresenceofacrystalclearforestpool,Ibent
overforadrink.Thewaterrefreshedmegreatlyandseemedtobringmenourishment,aswellasquench
mythirst.ThewaterfeltsopleasantonmylipsthatIdecidedtoplungemyentireheadintothewaterand
foundmyselfdivinginheadfirst.Thoughtheachesremained,thewatercausedmywoundstotingleandI
sensedsomethingwashappeningtothem,somethingwonderful.Itookadeepbreathatthesurfaceand
propelledmyselfdeepintothepool.AsIswamdeeperanddeeperIbegantohearthebeautifulmusic
again.SoundstraveldifferentlyinthewaterandIhadtheoddestsensationthatthemelodywasentering
mybodythroughmywounds,particularlythelargeoneinmychestarea.AsIheardthemusic,my
thoughtsturnedtowardKhalidandIfeltsaddenedthatIhadlethimjourneyalone.Ialsofeltcompassion
fortheborderdwellersandmyfriendsandfamilybackinEnnuiedwhoallsufferedintheirownway.The
compassionseemedtoenterthroughmywoundsandminglewithmyownpaininanamazingway.Ifnot
pleasurable,itwascertainlyaprofoundexperience.Themusicandcompassionformedsomekindof
energythatIwasquitecertainsomehowpassedbeyondmetothoseinmycontemplations.Soonthough,I
felttheneedforairandwasforcedtorisetothesurfaceofthecrystalpool.AsIrose,themusicfadedand
thendisappearedaltogether.Standingonceagainatthesideofthepool,Ishiveredjustalittle,notnearly
aschilledasIexpected,aloneandwetintheforestshade.Thepainfrommycutshadcertainlylessened
andIfeltasthoughIhadthedeterminationtocontinuemyquest...