The Blinds

By Lika Lpez de Victoria

Luca only cleans her place when she expects to get lucky. Wearing nothing but her long
curls in a loose bun, she organizes the clutter of shiny magazines, papers, and textbooks in neat
piles by her mattress. She lights long incense sticks to veil the cigarette smell and decorates the
bed with contrasting green pillows. Blood concentrates between my legs when she attacks with a
bottle of Windex the handprints left on the window by previous visitors, her thick thighs shimmy
as she tries to wipe the areas out of her reach. Her breasts dance with the sway of the vacuum
cleaner and the pouch of her belly jiggles in her effort to make the apartment acceptable for sex.
It was nine months three weeks one day ago, the first night Luca brought home Black Dude after
Limp-Dick broke up with her, that I noticed this pattern.
That night Luca turned on the orange paper lamp that shed dusted earlier as Black Dude
walked towards the window.

People were drawn to the floor-to-ceiling window like dust

bunnies to sharp corners. When she disappeared into the other room he just stood there, dumbly
staring down. She approached him with two bottles, which she held tight by their necks as he
forced her into a long kiss. His body pressed hers into the window and for a moment all I could
see was a dark blob framed by a bright orange hue. I imagined the sound of her moans as I
multitasked between the hard-on that emerged and taking a sip of my Johnnie on the rocks, while
keeping my focus on what was happening across the street. The guy took the bottles from
Lucas hands and placed them on top of the pile of magazines I bought for her. He removed
her dress and grabbed her ass, pushing her up against the glass as she wrapped her legs around
his waist, giving me a skewed view of her flattened behind. Those black dudes are strong Ive
never been able to pull off that move. He was still wearing his jeans and a white T-shirt, while

by Lika Lpez de Victoria 12-21-09

all she had on was a green bra and thong. His brown hands clawed at her backside making her
squirm. He carried her to the mattress and kneeled in front of her, with one hand fondling her
breasts and the other between her legs. Her body jerked as if she was being exorcised of her
demons. If that had been me, Id be pounding her already. As if led by my thoughts, the guy
stood up, undressed quickly, turned around and closed the blinds. Whenever I saw Luca
cleaning her apartment, I tried following her to the date I knew she prepared for. But it wasnt
until that one day that I followed her to the trashy bar around the corner that I was successful at
acquiring a better view.

Would you interfere if you saw a stranger getting hurt? Like if you were walking down
the street and saw a girl getting harassed by a bunch of guys? inquired Luca before taking a sip
of her third Blue Moon. A snappy song that reverberated from the jukebox in the corner of the
bar aggravated my blinding headache. My elbows rubbed against the sticky bar, as the dude
sitting between Luca and me took a big gulp of his beer before answering.
Loaded question, he swallowed some more beer, I guess Id interfere. Said the guy
elongating interfere, mocking Lucas word choice. Ive seen shit happen and once me and my
buddies saved this drunk girl in Vegas that trip was wild.
But if you were by yourself see, I read this piece, maybe in Cosmo, about a girl that
was kidnapped in the middle of the day and she claims she struggled and there were people
around and nobody did anything. I enjoyed her sexy Latino accent and how the word piece
sounded like piss coming out of her mouth. Since High School Ive been attracted to Latin girls.
I almost dated one that was in my class, but between my ADD and OCD and her lack of English,
things didnt go beyond sharing snacks.

by Lika Lpez de Victoria 12-21-09

I get lots of magazines, so it mightve been somewhere else but really, would you do
something? She widened her eyes, subtly touching the guys knee; jealousy drew a mental
picture of his face smashed against the peanut shells that covered the floor.
I dont know, depends on the situation. Have you seen the keep fucking that chicken
video on YouTube? He fidgeted his muscular frame inside a blue t-shirt with a big 68 on the
back and a caption below that read YOU OWE ME ONE.
Noyeahhave you googled me? Luca said coyly while playing with a bunch of
black curls. You know that theres a porn star with my name?
Really, he said, you know I havent. He chuckled as he stood up from the stool,
casually touching her arm. But now I think I might he said, then headed towards the bathroom.
She laughed before finishing her beer. Once she was out of the guys eyesight, she dug into her
purse for her cell phone, fiddled with it for a minute and applied some lip-gloss.
Whats the score? She asked me at the exact moment I stopped watching her. I looked
behind me to make sure she wasnt talking to somebody else.
Theyre losing. I mumbled, obsessively flicking with my tongue the little piece of burnt
skin on the roof of my mouth from the pizza I had for dinner.
Of course. The Cubs are always losing, but by how much? She said, showing me her
perfectly aligned white teeth framed in a cute smile. Anxiety pushed some scotch back up,
burning my esophagus. Are the Cubs even playing tonight? I didnt go to the bar to watch the
game. Her big brown eyes smiled inquisitively, and for a moment I felt exposed, that my lack of
awareness revealed to her the reason I was there. I shifted my head to look at the TV screen
behind her and saw her date making his way through the people by the bar, coolly adjusting his
fitted jeans. He whispered something in her ear as he sat in the empty stool between Luca and
me. This was not the first time one of her guys obstructed my view.

by Lika Lpez de Victoria 12-21-09

It was a year and a month and three days ago the first time I saw Luca. I had just moved
to a new apartment in a high-rise downtown, and my brothers house-warming gift was his old
telescope. He wanted me to find a hobby, something to keep me away from his house. I
understood why I couldnt go over anymore to play with my nephews. Im sorry, but as long as
your impulses keep driving your actions I cant have you around the boys he said. But it was his
wife who forced him to say that. He really is retarded! And sick! Hes not babysitting ever
again! Who does that with children in the other room? What if Benji had come down for water?
We so have to get a new couch! How many times I dont even want to think who masturbates
in their brothers house? I heard her lash out at him in the kitchen while I waited in the living
room to apologize. He shushed her and left for the attic to find the telescope. So you can watch
the black holes. I appreciated his effort, but black holes are not visible, much less from a
household telescope. It was thanks to my brother that, after my fourteen-hour days driving an
ambulance, I had Luca to come home to.
Initially I couldnt understand how the telescope was supposed to help me. It took me
over a month to open the box, and two hours and half a bottle of Johnnie Black to figure out how
to put it together. My efforts were not rewarded right away. It was a Monday night around nine
and there were many dark windows. The apartments I could see into had uninteresting people
watching TV or no people at all. I grew bored observing a cute girl in striped pajamas eating raw
cookie dough while watching The Bachelor. Then I tilted the telescope to the left and I saw
her. Luca naked. She was standing there, looking at me, with a cigarette in her hand, big round
breasts, naked. I felt an unfamiliar pang of excitement in my stomach when I realized that she
wasnt wearing underwear, but that the coppery color of her skin was probably the result of
hours under the sun, evidenced by the contrast of her pale breasts and white pubis with the rest of

by Lika Lpez de Victoria 12-21-09

her body. I held my breath as she took a drag; it seemed as if she moved in slow motion. With
her free hand she played with the curls that fell all the way down to her breasts, hiding from my
view one of her dark nipples. My hand instinctively moved to adjust the growing bulge in my
pants. I had never seen a real girl naked stand so tall and confident, but then again, Id never
watched someone that didnt know she was being watched.

When I heard you speaking Spanish with the pool guy at the gym, I knew I had to ask
you out. Latin girls are amazing, I love them for three things: theyre great at cooking, theyre
hardcore and they dont take no shit from no one the dude said after he downed a shot.
Youre up for disappointment, she said blandly. Although I for sure dont take shit
from anyone, I dont cook and Im not hardcore, like you say. Luca lied. Limp-Dick was her
boyfriend when I started seeing her. He was tall and lanky and moved with the mannerisms of a
closeted gay guy. For a while I thought it wasnt serious, but then I noticed that he stayed over
every weekend starting Thursdays and leaving Monday mornings. The months before their
breakup I saw the kinkiest live sex shows from a cold stool in my dark living room. He was the
one who wanted people to watch them. He was the one who would open her blinds, lead her in
front of the window and plop down on her mattress as she stripped, removing the perfect outfit
she chose for him. Id see Luca naked through the little hole of the telescope and my hand
would relocate to my crotch as hed stand and kiss her firmly, squishing her round behind against
the window, with his hand lurking in between her legs. Hed flip her around, her breasts and her
face flushed against the glass, deforming her into a Picasso painting. I imagined that if I had
been her boyfriend Id be entering her like that. Hed lay on the mattress, holding his head full of
thinning hair, all naked and pasty white, and hed have her suck him as if he were a king. Luca
would kneel in front of him, while I savored the view of her big rump bobbing up and down as

by Lika Lpez de Victoria 12-21-09

his hand pushed her head in between his legs. When he had enough of the foreplay, hed stand
up erect and close the blinds. By then Id be close to coming myself, so Id jerk off on the
uncomfortable stool until my hand glowed with sticky fluids. I knew that if she took the dude
with the 68 home, hed leave the blinds open, and the lights on, all the while he fucked her hard,
with her on all fours.

Its kinda crowded in here, announced the guy a bit louder than necessary while
signaling the bartender for another round. You live close by, say after this beer we grab a bottle
of something around the corner
I do have a nice view of the Hancock. She said pointing west with her arm, almost
knocking over her new beer. My intestines contracted with pain. Its their first date and he
scored an invite to her apartment, when shes obviously under the influence. Shes not a stupid
girl. When I met her at the Barnes & Noble she was reading a Cosmo but was buying Stephen
Hawkings A Brief History of Time. She didnt make fun of me when I asked her if she was
buying that book because shed liked The Stand. Ive seen her spend hours by the window,
with her cigarettes and cans of diet soda, reading thick books and working on her grey laptop.
She recommended I watch some documentaries on black holes. I started buying Cosmo every
month.
Hurry up and finish that, Im dying to see the Hancock from your window. He said,
sliding the half-full beer an inch closer to Luca. I thought I was used to watching her with guys,
but up close was different. This was the first time I caught her on her way to a date and jealousy
boiled inside, making my head perspire thick drops of sweat that itched as they traveled down
my hairy back. I saw myself in every guy she entertained, but watching her succumb to this type
of guy, drained away the joy I felt for having her in my life.

by Lika Lpez de Victoria 12-21-09

Luca finished her seventh Blue Moon and the guy piloted her out the bar with his hand
on the small of her back. I settled my tab and headed to my home. It was a balmy summer
night, but sweat mixed with anger moistened my briefs. The elevator took longer than ever to
reach the lobby. I calmed my anxiety by viciously adjusting the rolled-up sleeves of my grey
shirt, the little red man on the horse lost amongst the wrinkles I didnt iron. Inside the elevator I
removed my glasses and checked my blurred reflection, rubbing the dark circles around my red
eyes. The anticipation made my hands tremble, so I struggled with the keys and the lock when
opening the door. Once inside the dark apartment I poured a scotch neat and sat on my stool.
My telescope always set to view Lucas window. They were already sitting on her bed, each
with a beer in their hands and passing a joint. She placed her beer on top of the magazine pile.
He touched her hair while she pointed to the magazines and I knew she was telling him about
me. She said it was the cutest thing, I was reading some magazine at the bookstore and this guy
asks me if I thought a guy would benefit from reading Cosmo. He said what a weirdo. She said
no, no, in her sweet accent, he wasnt a weirdo, apparently he worked for a marketing company,
or something, and after chatting for a bit he said that if I gave him my info he could get me free
subscriptions to all the magazines I wanted.

He said you didnt fall for that, did you? She

laughed, shrewdly replying look at all the free magazines I got, of course I gave him my info.
The guy tickled Luca making her jump, knocking over her beer. He held her face to kiss
her, but she bounced off the mattress and ran out to get a towel. As she kneeled to clean the
mess, he patted her behind and she slapped his hand away. He leaned against the window, the
bold 68 of his shirt taunting me and blocking my view of Luca. Once she finished rubbing the
carpet, he grabbed her by the waist and kissed her for what felt like aeons. At last she pushed
him and as I expelled a breath of relief, he smacked her across the face so hard she tripped and
fell on the mattress. He forced her up, his hands gnawing at her breasts. She fought her way off

by Lika Lpez de Victoria 12-21-09

his grip and in retribution he pulled her hair and struck her twice. I saw Luca spit some blood
and a fever possessed me, driving me into a state of hyper-awareness where my hard-on hurt
inside my pants. The guy ripped her blouse and smashed her body against the window. Her face
was plastered with tears and blood as he pulled her jeans down to her knees. His hand clutched
her neck making her look like a ragged doll that was about to lose its head. I could almost hear
her cries as he entered her, breaking her with every thrust. Only a few minutes passed and she
was numb to the attack as her arms rocked side to side like pendulums. The guy finished with a
jerk and loosened his grip on Luca, who plummeted on the carpet. I stopped hurting as I spurted
warm liquid and he stepped back, calmly zipped himself and sat on the mattress; his face
retaining a repulsive immutability. I became livid watching him sitting there, glutted after raping
her.
Before I saw him leave her apartment, I ran to the kitchen and grabbed the biggest knife
from the wooden block. Propelled by an obtuse rage I bolted out the door after hiding the
butchers knife inside the first magazine I found. Once down the street I saw the guy walking
towards the Red Line station. I watched him from afar as he waited for a southbound train while
listening to his iPod. Inside the train I noticed the glimmering tip of the knife peeking out of the
magazine; madness made my legs shake as I tried to hide it better inside the pages of the Cosmo
I hastily picked up. Never taking my eyes off the guy, I trailed him as he transferred to the Blue
Line. The side of me that itched to use the knife on the guy lost purpose with every stop the train
made. For some time we were alone but for the bum that snored loudly on the nook of the car.
My sticky underpants and the glossy magazine on my lap brought me back to reality. I had
placed myself in a ridiculous situation. Shame washed over me and I tried to shake it away with
images of me jumping him on his way home, surprising him with a stroke on the side of the

by Lika Lpez de Victoria 12-21-09

head. My boot pounding his stomach. Him choking on a bloody tooth. Me cutting his pretty
face in one swift motion.
I needed to surprise-attack him. I didnt have a clear plan because I didnt know where
he lived, which made me anxious and I started to hyperventilate. I closed my eyes and practiced
breathing exercises I learned in therapy closing my diaphragm just enough so air would fill
my lungs at a faster pace, making the sounds of the sea. I was in such a trance I didnt notice
when the guy with the 68 left. With my head resting on my hands and feeling defeated, I got
off at the next stop and boarded an inbound train. Once home I sat on my cold stool and with a
warm scotch watched Lucas window. The blinds were shut. For days I watched every chance I
had. Since that day all I see are shut blinds.

by Lika Lpez de Victoria 12-21-09