SCHOOL

By:MatthewFriedman&JeremyFriedman

EXT.SCHOOLDAYTIME
CameraPanstoshowfullviewofschool.
NARRATOR
HighSchool;we'veallbeen
there.Rememberthedaysofdeliciousschool
lunches?Howaboutthediverserangeofpeople
youmetalongtheway.Goodnews,HighSchoolis
backon,anditstarts,rightnow!
SchoolBellrings
INT.SCHOOLDAYTIME
PRINCIPALMCDONALD
Hello,Iamtheprincipalofthis
fineestablishment.Weat
BrackentownHighensureaworld
classeducation.Wehavesomeof
thefinesteducatorsthissideof
theMississippi.
PrincipalMacdonaldremovesatoothpickfrom
his(her)
mouth.
PRINCIPALMCDONALD

Ourbudgetcutsdonotmatterdue
toourfinestudentsandwhatnot.
We'regettingoneofthemgreen
screensforthedramaticsprogram.
Nottomentionourfootball
programledbyagreat
student,SkeeterMoss.You,knowwewere
713thinthestate.Thankyou
foryourtime.
SchoolBellrings
INT.SCHOOLDAYTIME
LEIGHTONBEAUMONT
WhenIwalkedinonthefirstday
ofschool,Iwenttothe
gentlemen'stoilet.Ididmy
business,wenttowashmyhands
andtherewasgenericsoap.Not
evenBaylisandHarding.Canyou
imagine?Asanyselfrespecting
gentlemanwoulddo,Iscurried
downtotheprincipalsoffice
andaskedabouttheatrocitythat
wasthissoap.Ithenaskedwhy
therewasnoluxurysoapandIgot
thefollowingresponse,"Budget
cuts."Canyoubelievewhatthis
worldhascometo?Ugh!
Preposterous!Therearemany
otherthingswrongwiththis
establishment,suchasthefood
inthelunchroom.Iexpectedto
gotolunchandhaveathreecourse

mealwithanamuseboucheatthe
absoluteminimum.Hencemyabsolute
shockwhenIonlyfoundmeatslop
withrice.Again,preposterous.
I'mtransferringtoCortavian
AcademyforBoysassoonasthe
semesterends,atleasttheyhave
acourseonballroomdancing.

LeightonRollshiseyesandwalksawayin
disapproval.
SchoolBellrings
INT.SCHOOLDAYTIME
TIFFANYJONES
Soaboutayearago,Iwas
gettingreallytiredandlikeI
wasnotfeelingwellatall.I
meanIhadthisheadacheanda
hugelumponmystomachbutIwas
sureIwasn'tpregnant.Andthen,
oneday,Iwasgoingtothe
bathroom,whenaheadprotruded
frommyuterus.Imean,likeOMG,
whatjusthappened.Andthenlike
7moreheadscameout.Itwas
wild.Igavethemtothedog
shelterforbabiesandthey
happilytookwhatweremybabies.
Iamsothankfulforthat.Like,

meandBrettdidn'tevenknow
whatwashappening.ThankGodfor
thebabyshelter!
SchoolBellrings
INT.SCHOOLDAYTIME
SKEETERMOSS
YouwantknowaboutBrackentown?
Yeahbro,sure.Let'sstart
withthefootballteam.Thisyear
wearestacked;wegotme,
Lebowski,Trepert,BigSleezy,
Tinker,Squagerelly,Tank,Shark
Mammoth,DeNiSean,Wrench,and
ofcourseShredderLBie.
SchoolBellrings
INT.SCHOOLDAYTIME
BRITNEYLANE
Heeeeeyyyyyyyyyyyyyy,
ShakesPompoms.
BRITNEYLANE
It'sBritney!BrackentownHigh
isliketotesthebestplaceon
Earth!Wheretostart?Themems,
thefriends,thelove,thehugs,
thefun!Iamheadofthecheer
squadandStucoPrezandIjust
lovethisplacesomuch!Being

onStucoisliterallymylife.I
justloveplanningthingsfor
otherpeopleandgivingthe
studentsasay.Andcheerleading,
that'sbeenadreamsinceday1.
DaddyalwayssaidIcouldmake
thesquad.Lookatmenow;Cheer
captainanddatingthe
quarterbackSkeeterMoss,lifeis
likeadream!
ShakesPompomsrapidly.
BRITNEYLANE
GooooooooooWolves!
SchoolBellrings

INT.SCHOOLDAYTIME
SABRINAMAULER

Beginstogesticulateviolentlywithapurpose.
IamSabrinaMauler.I.Should.
Be.The.Student.Council.
President.Thisisabsurd.First
ofallBritneyisdumb.Ihavea
4.872GPA,andwhatdoesshe
have,a1.4?Sheshouldn'teven
beallowedtobeinthisschool,nevertheless
runforstudentcouncilpresident.Inaddition,
shehasnoideawhatthestudent
bodywants,allsheknowsabout

islipstickandmascara.Also,
sheonlywonbecauseshegave
everyonefivebuckstovotefor
her.Isthatevenlegal?Ugh!
Ishouldbeincharge!I'm
done.I'mdone.Iamdonewith
thisschool.Youwantedthetruth?
Wellhereitis;BrackentownHigh
sucks!
SchoolBellrings
INT.SCHOOLDAYTIME
BASTIONBACH
Ehh,hellosir.Mynameis
Bastion,andIamfromehhh
country.Itisaverygood
country,betterthanthis
disgustofacountry,theUSA.I
thinkthatthisschoolisan
insulttoeducation.IfIcouldchange
anythingaboutthisschoolit
wouldbethepeople.Theyare
lessintelligentthana
toungelessrabbitwithnofeetas
wesayinmycountry.Alsothe
insultofafootballteamthe
MustardStains?Idon'tknow,
whatawastelandthisplaceis.
SchoolBellrings
INT.SCHOOLDAYTIME

LIMABEAN
Hello,IamLimaBean.Itisa
pleasuretofinallyspeakout
abouttheoffensesandcrimes
thatBrackentownHighhas
committed.Theywillpay.
Firstly,let'sgobackacouple
weekstoThanksgiving.Iwentto
lunch,expectingtodelveintoa
luxurioustofurkey,butwas
outragedtofindonlya
slaughteredbird,therewasno
tofubasedalternative.Imean,
whatdoesthissayaboutour
society?Thatwecelebrate
animalcruelty?BrackentownHigh
lovesdeath?Thisisnota
schoolIamproudtoattend,and
neverwillbeuntilthesupport
ofanimalcrueltystops.Ifor
oneamashamedofnotonlymy
school,butitsvaluesaswell.
Inaddition,Iwouldliketolet
youknowthatIamthepresident
ofourSavetheAnimals
foundation.Lastyear,each
memberwasrequiredtobring$1
atthestartoftheyearto
encourageraisingmoneyamongst
theotherstudents.Therewere
threemembersoftheclub.We
raised$3overthecourseofthe
year.Thereyouhaveit.

BrackentownHighsupportsanimal
cruelty.
INT.SCHOOLDAYTIME
Schoolbellrings.Allstudentswalktoclass.
Fadestoblack.Creditsfollow.
THEEND