She Was a Visitor

By Black Death
My footsteps echoed alone between these thin walls as I made my way to the door. The
thrill escalated in my bones at the thought of getting out of the house. The breeze let itself in as if
to seek hearth, leaving me shivering and pale at the doorstep. It seemed as if she had been
waiting for me for hours. She took my hand and guided me to where she stood. She was a visitor,
but as time elapsed, she became a necessity. She was almost you.
We exhaled our sorrows into the cold, ghastly night as she wrapped her arms around my
tired shoulders. There was nothing I could do but exist in the warmth of her embrace, fallen like
a child in a lullaby. She always asked me to uncover my eyes so that she could look into them
and tell me how she truly felt, and I did, reluctantly, because it killed me that I couldnt look
back into hers. We walked around the neighborhood every night and I always came back home
with my pockets stuffed with small memories that she found beautiful and wanted me to keep; a
collection of leaves of various shapes and textures, little smooth stones, stray earrings, and some
beads. If we walked by a flower garden, she would put my hands on all the different kinds of
petals. But I couldnt take those home.
Sometimes during our nightly adventures, I heard people yelling insults and curses at her.
Just girls from school, she said. They treated her like a monstrous being, saying that something
was wrong with her face and that it was lucky she found a blind man because no one else would
be able to stand the sight of her. I never knew what to say, the words would not come quickly
enough for me to silence their contemptible laughter. I could only witness the collapse of her
joyous spirit in my hands and tell her not to pay any mind to them. And it worked for a while.

I always thought of her as blue. She laughed and rubbed my arm, sympathetic at my lack
of understanding of such a concept. But I was serious. It had always been my belief that blue
must be the most beautiful colour in existence, and that it is endless because I had been told by
many people that the ocean and the sky are blue, and they are endless in our world. She was
beautiful and endless in my heart.
The day of her unexpected departure, I was reminded of how lonely and terrifying the
world was. I did not eat or get out of bed for many weeks. I only ran around in my mind, trying
to solve an infinite maze in the dark with no one to show me the way. The only thing that
sustained me was this imagination I had accumulated over my short lifespan, as I desperately
tried to make sense of my current state of mind and existence while the idea of incessant solitude
slowly ate away at me and I was powerless to stop it. Life just dissolved to noise.
I became a pathetic, mournful being. I stopped going outside, stopped listening the birds
and the busy streets, the children and the cicadas on those lazy summer mornings. I deprived
myself of food and water many times until I became emaciated; a house bound skeleton. I am
now thankful for the last week of July, when someone came knocking on my door. My soul had
not left my body yet, but I was no longer able to stand. The knocking got louder and more
desperate, until I eventually heard the door crash onto the floor. Someone came in, he sounded
young and awake; he was a doctor, as I would later come to learn. There were others with him
too, they helped carry my limp body away from where I was laying. The man asked me several
questions until I began to grow anxious and irritated. I was being taken away from my home, the
only place in the world that could give me a comforting sense of familiarity.
We arent here to hurt you. Were going to help you.

They put me in a vehicle with loud sirens, although I didnt feel like I was in critical
condition. I cant remember much after that except for being transported to several different
rooms with different voices, they were all discussing me quietly.
These are from the donorare you sure about this?...What if it fails?....What will we do
with him?...If we pull this off, we will have a miracle in our hands
My entire body went numb, I thought I was dying. Dreams and reality became one and I
didnt know if I was being discussed in a hospital or in hell. After several periods of
unconsciousness, I woke up to a severe stinging in my eyes. My discomfort became apparent and
someone tilted me back and put some liquid in my eyes, it helped a little bit. Thisprocedure
must have taken days. They did several tests on me, just endless manipulation.
And something wasflashingit was terrifying at first, what was going on? It was
something that people know as light. Over a period of time, these lights turned
intoColour. I was given different shapes to not only feel but actually see. Brightly painted
shapes, so that it would be easy for me to distinguish the different colours. Eventually I was able
to see the blurry outlines of faces and moving mouths for the first time; I was allowed to touch
the doctors faces in order to connect my mental understanding of a face to a visual image of one.
During these times, I desperately tried to remember what her face felt like.
After a long time, I was allowed to return home. Things still seemed to morph together a
little, so one of the nurses guided me around my house. I looked around at the walls, the
furniture, and my little memories that were still spread out on the table She asked me if I
would like to see myself. She must have seen the confusion on my face, as she looked down
apologetically and retrieved a small, pretty object from her pocket. It reflected light from all over

the place, I was fascinated. I took the mirror carefully with both hands, though it did not help the
trembling.
What I saw was beyond my comprehension, beyond this joy, this grief, this fear, this
sorrow, and this wonder that lived inside me for so long. Something beyond what I had ever had.
Sallow skin that thirsted for the sunlight, roughly textured lips that were colorless on some bits
and crimson, as the nurse said, where I had chewed off the skinthin brown hair above my lips,
which matched the hair on my head that went past my shouldersit was all mine.
I shrieked and cried in astonishment when I moved the mirror upwardthe nurse let out
a gentle laugh and she briefly explained it all to me.
She seemed to love you dearly, and wanted you to have them.
I was looking straight into deep blue eyes.