Boy: The principal is so dumb!

Girl: Do you know who I am?

Boy: No...
Girl: I am the principal's daughter!
Boy: Do you know who I am?
Girl: No...
Boy: Good! *walks away*

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The best sex jokes

A small boy was awoken in the middle of the night by strange noises from his parents room, and
he decided to investigate. As he entered their bedroom, he was shocked to see his mom and dad
shagging for all they were worth. DAD! he shouted. What are you doing? Its ok, his
father replied. Your mother wants a baby, thats all. The small boy, excited at the prospect of a
new baby brother, was pleased and went back to bed with a smile on his face. Several weeks
later, the little boy was walking past the bathroom and was shocked to discover his mother giving
oral gratification to his father. DAD! he shouted. What are you doing now? Son, theres
been a change of plan, his father replied. Your mother did want a baby, but now she wants a
BMW.
Vote:

Joke has 88.43 % from 831 votes. Send joke:

A guy stuck his head into a barbershop and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The
barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, "About 2 hours." The guy left. A few
days later, the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked, "How long before I can get a
haircut?" The barber looked around at the shop and said, "About 3 hours." The guy left. A week

later, the same guy stuck his head in the shop and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?"
The barber looked around the shop and said, "About an hour and a half." The guy left. The
barber turned to his friend and said, "Hey, Bob, do me a favor, follow him and see where he
goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but he never comes back." A little
while later, Bob returned to the shop, laughing hysterically. The barber asked, "So, where does he
go when he leaves?" Bob looked up, wiped the tears from his eyes and said, "Your house!"
Vote:

Joke has 86.41 % from 1078 votes. Send joke:

This elderly lady went to the doctor for a check-up. Everything checked out fine. The old lady
pulled the doctor to the side and said, Doctor, I havent had sex for years now and I was
wondering how I can increase my husbands sex drive. The doctor smiled and said, Have you
tried to give him Viagra? The lady frowned. Doctor, I cant even get him to take aspirin when
he has a headache, she claimed. Well, the doctor continued, Let me suggest something.
Crush the Viagra into a powder. When you are giving him coffee, stir it into the coffee and serve
it. He wont notice a thing. The old lady was delighted. She left the doctors office quickly.
Weeks later the old lady returned. She was frowning and the doctor asked her what was wrong.
She shook her head. How did it go? the doctor asked. Terrible, doctor, terrible. Did it not
work? Yes, the old lady said, It worked. I did as you said and he got up and ripped his
clothes off right then and there and we made mad love on the table. It was the best sex that Id
had in 25 years. Then what is the problem, maam? Well, she said. I cant ever show my
face in McDonalds again.
Vote:

Joke has 85.36 % from 1585 votes. Send joke:

Hung Chow calls in to work and says, "Hey, boss I not come work today, I really sick. I got
headache, stomach ache and my legs hurt. I not come work." The boss says, "You know Hung
Chow, I really need you today. When I feel like this I go to my wife and tell her give me sex.
Makes everything better and I can go to work. You try." Two hours later Hung Chow calls again:
"Boss, I do what you say and I feel great. I be at work soon. You got nice house."
Vote:

Joke has 85.21 % from 1605 votes. Send joke:

A young newlywed couple wanted to join a church. The pastor told them, "We have special
requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from having sex for two weeks." The
couple agreed and came back at the end of two weeks. The pastor asked them, "Well, were you
able to get through the two weeks without being intimate?" "Pastor, I'm afraid we were not able
to go without sex for the two weeks," the young man replied. "What happened?" inquired the
pastor. "My wife was reaching for a can of corn on the top shelf and dropped it. When she bent
over to pick it up, I was over come with lust and took advantage of her right there." "You
understand, of course, that this means you will not be welcome in our church," stated the pastor.
"That's okay," said the young man. "We're not welcome at the grocery store anymore either."
Vote:

Joke has 84.88 % from 1108 votes. Send joke:

A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in. Mother,
where do babies come from? The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, Well dear,
Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss
and hug, and have sex. The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, That means the

daddy puts his penis in the mommys vagina. Thats how you get a baby, honey. The child
seems to comprehend. Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had
daddys penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that? Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry.
Vote:

Joke has 84.79 % from 1324 votes. Send joke:

A little boy walks into his parents' room to see his mom on top of his dad bouncing up and down.
The mom sees her son and quickly dismounts, worried about what her son has seen. She dresses
quickly and goes to find him. The son sees his mom and asks, "What were you and Dad doing?"
The mother replies, "Well you know your dad has a big tummy and sometimes I have to get on
top of it to help flatten it." "You're wasting your time," said the boy. "Why is that?" asked his
mom, puzzled. "Well when you go shopping the lady next door comes over and gets on her knees
and blows it right back up."
Vote:

Joke has 84.73 % from 1870 votes. Send joke:

The elderly Italian man went to his parish priest and asked if the priest would hear his
confession. "Of course, my son," said the priest. "Well, Father, at the beginning of World War
Two, a beautiful woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the Germans; I hid
her in my attic, and they never found her." "That's a wonderful thing, my son, and nothing that
you need to confess," said the priest. "It's worse, Father; I was weak, and told her that she had to
pay for rent of the attic with her sexual favors," continued the old man. "Well, it was a very
difficult time, and you took a large risk -you would have suffered terribly at their hands if the
Germans had found you hiding her; I know that God, in his wisdom and mercy, will balance the
good and the evil, and judge you kindly," said the priest. "Thanks, Father," said the old man.
"That's a load off of my mind. Can I ask another question?" "Of course, my son," said the priest.
The old man asked, "Do I need to tell her that the war is over?".
Vote:

Joke has 83.54 % from 2543 votes. Send joke:

A father and his 6-year-old son are walking down the street, and they come across two dogs
having sex. The boy is shocked by what he sees and asks his father "Daddy, what are they
doing?" The father, not wanting to lie to his son, says "they're just making a puppy." "OK" says
the son, and the father is relieved that he doesn't probe further. The next day, the son bursts into
his parents' room and sees them having sex. The father jumps up and quickly covers himself.
Knowing he's in for an interesting talk, walks downstairs with him and they sit at the dining
room table. His son asks him "Daddy, what were you and mommy doing?" Again, wanting to be
honest with his son, he says "me and mommy were making a baby." His son pauses for a
moment, thinking, and then replies "flip mommy over, I want a puppy!"
Vote:

Joke has 83.39 % from 1598 votes. Send joke:

A boss said to his secretary I want to have SEX with you I will make it very fast. I'll throw $1000
on the floor, by the time you bend down to pick it I'll be done. She thought for a moment then
called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend then said to her, do it but "Ask him for
$2000, pick up the money very fast he wouldn't even have enough time to undressed himself."
So she agrees. Half an hour goes by, the boyfriend decides to call girlfriend, he asks, what
happened? She responds, "The Bastard used coins I'm still picking and he is still fucking!"
Vote:

Joke has 81.64 % from 14273 votes. Send joke:

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