Sample Argumentation Essay

Copeland wrote in response to this prompt:

Explain why you believe that fraternities, sororities, or both do or do not build community or
provide a positive community environment for their members.
The second essay is Martins revision after he researched the topic of fraternities and sororities
further. Using the questions following each version of the essay, discuss specific ways in which
the second is an improvement over the first, and suggest ways for further improvement. (Note:
Both the draft and the revision were written outside class without time constraints.)

DRAFT
From the outside, it is very difficult to tell exactly what fraternities and sororities do or
dont do for their members. What an outsider can do, however, is give an honest opinion of his
or her perception of fraternities and sororities, which I feel, is very valuable to the organizations.
It can allow members to understand how their organizations are perceived, what are the
misconceptions, and why they may or may not be attracting new members.
Having established my outside perspective, I believe that the general idea and philosophy
of fraternities and sororities is to provide a positive community environment for their members
and that in their purest form, fraternities and sororities can do just that. Unfortunately, most
fraternities and sororities are not in their purest form, and have been corrupted by wayward
members so that now, they do not provide a positive community environment for their members.
It is important to understand the language of positive community environment. Were
the question only concerned with providing a community environment for their members, my
answer would have been an enthusiastic yes. Fraternities and sororities are perhaps the closest
groups on college campuses. On many campuses, they live, study, and party together. The rush
process alone is enough to bring several wannabe members together as one cohesive unit. Often,
within fraternities and sororities, students make lifetime friends and professional contacts; they
build a support system away from home that for many students is the ship that keeps them afloat
in the vast ocean that is college.
The problem, however, lies in the fact that the question included the word positive. For
all of the great things fraternities and sororities do for their members, much of it, though
pleasurable, does not seem positive. We have all heard stories of fraternities and sororities
placing their pledges in compromising and even dangerous situations all for the sake of
brotherhood or sisterhood. Such stories are more frequent than these organizations would have
the general public believe. The process that pledges have to endure to make it to the positive
community environment can often humiliate them, bringing them down to the point that they feel
that walking away from such a group would make the person less than the others. Admittedly,
that brings into question the self- esteem of the pledge, but it also makes me question why an
overwhelming number of students with self- esteem issues are drawn to fraternities and
sororities. Instead of being uplifting societies focused on the growth and maturity of its members,
the community environment can often become a crutch, which is anything but positive.
In essence, my argument is not that fraternities and sororities are bad, because without
more specific definition of the terms analyzed, of course bad examples will run rampant. My
argument, however, is that as a whole, it seems that fraternities and sororities have departed from

Sample Argumentation Essay

their true purposes; they have lost touch with the principles and values upon which they were
founded. Finding those principles again and rebuilding their lost legacies would be an amazing
step toward becoming truly positive community environments, and it would take work from all
such groups in order to fix the way outsiders perceive the groups as a whole.

Questions
1. The student has written in the first person, using both I and we. Is that decision
appropriate or inappropriate for this assignment and topic? Why?
2. The thesis statement is closed, with specification of the essays major points clearly
identified. As a reader, do you find this type of thesis helpful or limiting?
3. What effect does the figurative language (the ship that keeps them afloat, para. 3) have
on you as a reader?
_____________________________________________________________________________________________

REVISION
Martin Copeland
College Writing 11
Ms. Lambert
26 September 2014

Fraternities and Sororities

From the outside, it is very difficult to tell exactly what fraternities and sororities do or
dont do for their members. What an outsider can do, however, is give an honest opinion of his
or her perception to members to help them understand how their organizations are perceived,
what the misconceptions are, and why they may have difficulty attracting new members. The
general idea and philosophy of fraternities and sororities is to provide a positive community
environment for their members, and in their purest form, they can do just that. Unfortunately,
most fraternities and sororities are not in their purest form and have been corrupted by what
might be a minority of highly visible members.
It is important to understand the language of positive community environment. Were
the question concerned only with sororities and fraternities providing a community environment
for their members, my answer would have been an enthusiastic yes. Fraternities and sororities are
perhaps the closest groups on college campuses. On many campuses, they live, study, and party
together. The rush process alone is enough to bring several wannabe members together as one
cohesive unit. Often, within fraternities and sororities, students make lifetime friends and
professional contacts. In his explanation of why he is proud to be part of a fraternity, Douglas
Luetjen points out that all but eight U.S. presidents since 1856 have been regular or honorary
members of a college fraternity. And . . . 85% of the Fortune 500 executives are fraternity
members.

Sample Argumentation Essay

Furthermore, in a sorority or a fraternity, students can build a support system away from
home that for many is the ship that keeps them afloat in the vast ocean that is college. Anne
Remington begins her article for Parent Times, an online magazine from the University of Iowa,
with a story about a freshman who felt that no one remembered her birthday until her Alpha Chi
Omega sisters began singing to her: And in that instance, she knew she had found a new
home. Remington continues to describe Greek- letter organizations that appeal to specific
minorities and that provide a sense of belonging for many students who are away from home
for the first time.
The problem, however, lies in the fact that the question included the word positive. For
all of the great things fraternities and sororities do for their members, much of it, though
pleasurable, does not always seem positive. We have all heard stories of fraternities and
sororities placing their pledges in compromising and even dangerous situations all for the sake of
brotherhood or sisterhood. Such stories are more frequent than these organizations would have
the general public believe. The process that pledges have to endure to make it to the positive
community environment can often humiliate them, bringing them down to the point that they feel
that walking away from such a group would make them less than the others.
A major problem with fraternities and sororities is drinking and the negative behaviors
that accompany it. According to a study at the University of Washington, 85% of those living in
Greek houses drank at least one to two times per week, 37% three to four times (Baer et al.).
Another national study reported that sorority members are nearly twice as likely to become binge
drinkers than their non-sorority counterparts, and 75% of fraternity members were selfdescribed binge drinkers (Wechsler). This study also reported higher incidences of missed
classes and unprotected sex among fraternity and sorority members.
In essence, my argument is not that fraternities and sororities are necessarily a negative
community environment, but they do promote negative and potentially dangerous behaviors. As
a whole, it seems that too many fraternities and sororities have become organ ized saloons
(Cross) and departed from the principles and values upon which they were founded:
scholarship, relationships, leadership, and service (Remington). Finding those principles again
and rebuilding their lost legacies will be a step toward becoming truly positive community
environments, though it will take the work of many individuals to change the way outsiders
perceive fraternities and sororities.

Sample Argumentation Essay

Works Cited
Baer, J.S., D. R. Kivlahan, and G.A. Marlatt. High-Risk Drinking across the Transition from
High School to College. Alcoholism: Clinical and Experimental Research 19.1 (1995):
5461.
Cross, Charles R. Why Im Proud Im Not a Greek. Columns: University of Washington
Alumni Magazine September 2001: XX. Web. 6 Mar. 2004.
<http://www.washington.edu/ alumni/columns/sept01/greekdebate1.html>.
Luetjen, Douglas A. Why Im Proud Im a Greek. Columns: University of Washington Alumni
Magazine September 2001: XX. Web. 6 Mar. 2004. <http://www.washington.edu/
alumni/columns/sept01/greekdebate1.html>.
Remington, Anne. Its All Greek to Me. Parent Times Online Winter 20042005: n. pag. U of
Iowa. Web. 15 Mar. 2004. <http://www.uiowa.edu/~ptimes/issues04-05/ winter0405/greek.html>.
Wechsler, Henry. Binge Drinking on American College Campuses: A New Look at an Old
Problem. Harvard School of Public Health (1995). Web. 20 Mar. 2004. <http://
www.hsph.harvard.edu/cas/Documents/monograph_2000/cas_mono_2000.pdf>.

Questions
1. Cite three changes Martin has made, and discuss their effect.
2. The revised essay is written primarily in the third person. Is this point of view more
effective? Why or why not?
3. Do the sources Martin has chosen help to balance his argument, or do they favor one
viewpoint?
4. Do the sources give Martins voice more authority? If so, explain how. If you do not
think so, explain why not. Did he cite his sources properly? How does that affect his
authority?
5. Is the revision more effective as an argument? Explain your answer, with specific
references to the initial draft and the revision.
6. Find and read one or more of the sources. Are the quotations and references
effective? Would you have made other choices? Why or why not?