February 1, 2016

South Dakota Legislature

State Capitol Building
500 East Capitol Avenue
Pierre, SD 57501
Dear Members of the South Dakota Legislature,
My name is Stephanie 1 and I am a mother of five children. I live in a rural, conservative
area in the Midwest where all my children attend public school. In 2015, my school district
adopted a policy allowing students to use the restrooms, locker rooms, and other facilities of the
gender they identify with. This means that biological boys are allowed to use the same
restrooms, showers, and changing areas as biological girls, and vice versa.
Unfortunately, in the effort to push this policy through, the rights of many other students
were completely ignored, including those of my children, who have suffered severe sexual abuse,
molestation, and rape and who will be directly harmed by my school districts policy.
I am a foster parent. All five of my children came to me through the foster parent
program. As you can imagine, they each have boundary and trust issues, and suffer from post
traumatic stress disorder. I ultimately adopted them and brought them into my home to provide
them a safe, secure environment where they can grow and thrive. Of my five children, I have two
daughters who have been the victims of unspeakable sexual abuse. When I first met them, my
girls were broken and emotionally frail. Working with doctors and psychologists, we are striving
to mend these precious hearts so that they do not become defined by what they endured at the
hands of wicked people. But healing is a long process, and the slightest wrong turn can result in
severe emotional and psychological trauma to my daughters.
A particular risk to my daughters is exposure to the anatomy of the opposite sex. To my
daughters, the male anatomy is a weapon by which they were assaulted. But the risk extends to
even being in the presence of biological males in situations where my daughters feel vulnerable,
such as when they are using the bathroom, changing clothes, or showering. None of this is to
imply that transgender students who are biological males would physically assault my daughters.
I dont think that they would. But even if they have the most innocent of intentions, their very
presence in my daughters restroom or locker room will almost certainly cause severe trauma
that will setback their emotional and psychological healing process.
When I confronted school officials with my concerns, I was ignored. I was told I was
overreacting and I needed to be educated about the rights and feelings of transgender students.
I am not oblivious to the stated interests of transgender students, but do schools have no regard
for the privacy concerns and psychological well being of my daughters and other students who
have suffered the cruelty of sexual abuse? Why do the desires of a handful of students to use the
1

In order to protect the privacy and safety of my children and myself, I am using a pseudonym and
withholding information that would specifically identify us.

restrooms and locker rooms of the opposite sex trump the rights of my daughters not to be placed
in an environment that can harm them emotionally and psychologically?
Also troubling in my conversations with the school officials was their statement that
neither I nor my daughters had a right to know if they would be sharing a restroom, locker room,
or even a hotel room with a member of the opposite sex. According to the school officials, my
daughters and I had no right to know ahead of time whether they would be sharing shower
facilities with a boy. We would not know if, when my daughters go on the 6th grade, week-long,
field trip to Washington, D.C., they would be assigned to room withand even share a bed
witha boy. When I voiced my strong objections to this, I was again told that my concerns were
not a big deal.
But this is a big deal. My daughters emotional and psychological well-being is a big
deal. Privacy and modesty is a big deal. Among the reasons we have separate facilities for boys
and girls is to protect students from exposure that is demeaning, humiliating, and can even have
emotional and psychological consequences. But when policies that allow students to use the
restrooms and locker rooms of the opposite sex are enacted, the rights of students like my
daughters are ignored and trampled.
I have been repeatedly told by school board members that this action is for the equal and
fair treatment of all our students. This action is not equal or fair treatment for my daughters.
Nor is this action about diversity or discrimination. I love and accept everyone, and I know
everyone has struggles. I have been a foster parent for over 10 years to many children who come
from a variety of backgrounds and experiences. My home is filled with diversity. I welcome
anyone into my home regardless of their sexual orientation or gender identity. But even though
all are welcome here, I still have boundaries for them when they are here to ensure the safety and
privacy of my family.
According to studies, at least 1 out of 10 children under the age of 18 have suffered some
form of sexual abuse. 2 Schools have a duty not only to protect them from sexual assault while on
campus, but also to protect their emotional and psychological well-being and to avoid creating
environments and situations that would be harmful to them. Laws ensuring that students only
share communal restrooms, locker rooms, and hotel rooms with those of the same biological sex
are an important safeguard to protect vulnerable students like my daughters.
As you contemplate this legislation, I ask you not to forget about the silent victims of
sexual assault in your schools.
Sincerely,

Darkness to Light, Child Sexual Abuse Statistics, available at http://www.d2l.org/atf/cf/%7B64AF7

8C4-5EB8-45AA-BC28-F7EE2B581919%7D/Statistics_1_Magnitude.pdf (last visited Feb. 1, 2016).