Zack De Piero 3/1/2016 1:18 AM

Comment [1]: Yawwwwwn...

Jessica Smith
Writing 2
De Piero
16 February 2016
The Many Sciences Behind MDMA
Any subject can be studied from multiple disciplines. When you look through one lens,
one can find one set of information, and when looking through another, one can find
something entirely different. The authors moves help define these different disciplines
and when analyzing them on their rhetorical features, information can be organized and
assessed based on the differing disciplines. When examining
methylenedioxyphenethylamine, or MDMA, very diverse information can be examined
when studying it from different perspectives. I will analyze the conventions of three
different articles, "MDMA Enhances Emotional Empathy and Prosocial Behavior,"
"Binge Ethanol and MDMA Combination Exacerbates Toxic Cardiac Effects by Inducing
Cellular Stress," and "From Gary to Molly: The Feminisation of Ecstasy in Popular
Culture, all on the topic of MDMA. These disciplines include biological, psychological
and sociocultural. While the articles on MDMA are similar to one another, one can
observe that the intended purpose of the article influences the writers moves based on
the inclusion of background information and jargon within the articles.
Each writing discipline targets a different intent of purpose. For the articles being
examined, the purpose differs on the subject areas related to the study of MDMA. Each
author studies MDMA differently, and all [their] writing consists of a series of choices,
which are based on the genre of that writing (Bunn 81). An author carefully chooses
which information to include in his or her writing in order to best put across the point that
he or she is trying to make. When a reader examines an article, he or she can usually

J-Smith, this is a major "snoozer" of an

opening. C'mon, sister -- get me revved
up about reading this. What stood out to
you as super-interesting while you
researched this topic? How could you
make someone stop what they were doing
and take time to read this?

Zack De Piero 3/1/2016 1:20 AM

Comment [2]: The 4 "one's" (2 of which
are referring to people) are kinda weird to
me. Any chance you can play around with
some other, more natural-sounding
possibilities?
I see that you're using "I" later on (which is
totally fine), so you might as well feel
comfortable enough to use "you."

Zack De Piero 3/1/2016 1:20 AM

Comment [3]: Worth defining/describing
what you mean here?
Zack De Piero 3/1/2016 1:22 AM
Comment [4]: These are three
adjectives here (you're missing something
after them).
Zack De Piero 3/1/2016 1:23 AM
Comment [5]: Their purpose influences
their moves... OK, and? So what?
I need you to raise the stakes a bit here
and also get a lot more specific. What
specific points are you going to use to
make that case? What about the
conventions within this genre will you be
emphasizing? And what about moves?
The introductory paragraph is so crucial
*for readers* because it provides them
with the expectations for your whole piece.
The more direction you give me, the more
focused *my reading* will be --- and the
more I'll be able to take away from your
... [1]

Zack De Piero 3/1/2016 1:12 AM

Comment [6]: What's up with the noindentations here? Remember, that
*convention* of papers serves a purpose -readers' eye literally *see* the breaks in
your paper, and with each one, a new
main idea unfolds.
Zack De Piero 3/1/2016 1:12 AM
Comment [7]: When I see thiseven
before I start readingI think, Ahhhhhhh!
Attack of the page-long paragraph!
See if you like this metaphor:
Pretend your whole paper is a big, juicy
... [2]

tell from the language, what the purpose of the article will be. As Lunsford explains in
Style in Arguments, the words you choose for an argument help define its style and
yours (Lunsford 310). Lunsford explains that the word choices one uses in their work
helps set the tone of the information at hand and can better explain the purpose of the

Zack De Piero 3/1/2016 1:24 AM

Comment [8]: Cut right to it, J-Smith. I
feel like I'm reading a lot of fluff. We don't
want any fluff -- use each word, phrase,
and sentence judiciously.
Make your allotted time/space count.

articles. In the article from Thump, the purpose of the article is to explain the history and
progression of the drug MDMA to an audience of electronic music fans. These readers
are engrossed in a drug culture that is associated with the phenomenon associated with
the music. The website intends to make the information familiar and informal to stay
consistent with the music culture style of the website. In order to stay consistent, the
authors language choice, or jargon, reflects this style. When explaining the beginnings
of the MDMA culture, the author describes, the era was one of psychedelic tie-dyes
and smiley faces (Harrison). These descriptive words can be classified as slang or
colloquial language. In many types of writing, this language would be inconsistent with
the style, but because the purpose of the article is intended to inform readers who are

Zack De Piero 3/1/2016 1:26 AM

Comment [9]: OK, this is nice to know,
but how does it tie back to your argument?

associated with the electronic music culture, this information helps them better relate to
and understand the information at hand. Harrison also refers to people involved in
deciding to consume MDMA as being involved in a new party culture (Harrison). This
description of the MDMA phenomenon as a party culture is a move that makes the
material more relatable to the readers because the information helps acquaint readers
with the time period and is therefore appropriate for the purpose of the article, but in
many other types of writing, this information would be understood as too informal of a
description.

Zack De Piero 3/1/2016 1:27 AM

Comment [10]: Nice.

In biological disciplines, scientific jargon may be included to better support information.

In the article Binge Ethanol and MDMA Combination Exacerbates Toxic Cardiac
Effects by Inducing Cellular Stress, the purpose of the article is to educate readers on
the harmful effects that MDMA can have on the human body, particularly in the heart.
The author uses biological facts, and scientific jargon, from the conclusions of
experiments to help make evident the relation between MDMA and cardiac stress. The
author defines MDMA as 3,4-Methylenedioxy-N-methamphetamine (MDMA, ecstasy),
an amphetamine derivative (Navarro). Because the article is examining the topic from a
biological standpoint, he includes the scientific formula for readers to better understand
the biological breakdown of the drug. This language is important to the purpose of the
article because the reader can better examine how the elements of MDMA combining
with ethanol can combine from a biological and scientific standpoint to have cardiac
effects.
Depending on the discipline at hand, the authors moves associated with the inclusion of
background information is extremely dependent on the intended purpose of the article.
Background information helps better acquaint a reader with the subject material by
giving information that is necessary to the understanding of that specific topic because
in any reading you need to consider the context and the argument (Carroll). For the
article MDMA enhances emotional empathy and prosocial behavior the author makes
moves to include background information to better educate readers on the emotional
effects when users take MDMA. The author includes that the enhancement of empathy
and sociability is considered a major reason for the recreational use of MDMA (Hysek).
These effects of MDMA are important to understanding the emotional effects of the drug

Zack De Piero 3/1/2016 1:27 AM

Comment [11]: No need to spell out the
super-long title multiple times. If you're
going to reference something like this
more than once, I'd give it an abbreviation
in parentheses *right after* the first time
you use it -- that signals to your reader,
"Yo, I'm not spelling out this whole title
each time, so be ready for this
abbreviated/truncated version."
Zack De Piero 3/1/2016 1:27 AM
Comment [12]: Such as?
Zack De Piero 3/1/2016 1:27 AM
Comment [13]: What were they?

and therefore are important to the purpose of this article. For the biological article on the
cardiac effects of MDMA, this information would not be relevant to the purpose of the
article. The author also defines cognitive empathy as the ability to recognize emotional

Zack De Piero 3/1/2016 1:30 AM

Comment [14]: Isn't the purpose of both
scholarly pieces to research MDMA?

states in others (Hysek). This definition is imperative to understanding other information

in the article that relates to the emotional effects of MDMA and is therefore correctly
included in this piece. The author makes moves to include specific information to better
support that particular discipline and we can make inferences that the audience is

Zack De Piero 3/1/2016 1:30 AM

Comment [15]: What are the moves?
What info? Get specific

expecting to learn more in depth about the field of that discipline.

From a sociocultural discipline, very different background information is considered
important than from a biological or psychological viewpoint. In the Thump article, the
author deems it important to include that MDMA has been powering rave culture and
dance music since the 1980s (Harrison). This information is important to the purpose of
the article because it is giving more understanding as to how the drug has become so
popular. In other disciplines, this information would be unnecessary to include because
for many fields of study, learning how it became popular would not be an asset. The
article also focuses on how the drug has become more feminized. The author includes
that the figures that defined ecstasys first cultural responses were male (Harrison).
Including this information helps the reader understand why the drug was first associated
as a masculine drug. This information would not be useful in other disciplines but it is
directly related to this article and adds to the understanding of the piece.
The structures of the biological and psychological disciplines were very similar and the
sociocultural differed from them. Both the biological and psychological were academic,
scholarly pieces that included headings for each of the sections. Although they both

Zack De Piero 3/1/2016 1:31 AM

Comment [16]: I'm not really sure what
you mean here.
Zack De Piero 3/1/2016 1:15 AM
Comment [17]: Attack part 2! Ahhhhh.
(As a reader, this is really overwhelming.)

included headings, the headings differed for each whereas the psychological discipline
would include headings associated with emotional aspects such as Multifacted
Empathy Test. As for the sociocultural discipline, there were no headings included and
rather there was no defined organization for the article. There was the inclusion of
colloquial language and the article could be better defined as a stream of
consciousness with a more casual tone. Questions are also used in different ways
based on whether the language is colloquial or not. In the Thump article, questions are
used to make the reader think and transition ideas whereas that would not be proper in
the other disciplines. These structures and regulations can be related to the differences
of academic and nonacademic writing. Academic writing typically includes more factual
evidence with a more defined structure than nonacademic writing. This format can help
readers clearly understand arguments and purposes of the paper, but can be limiting at
times as far as critical thinking and personal judgments. Non-academic pieces have the
freedom to use more relaxed, casual tones that can in turn help readers better relate to
the pieces and form their own opinions. By using language that appeals to the reader,
he or she can draw conclusions from the information that may even help them better
understand than with the defined structure of academic writing. Audiences with radical
views might argue that academic articles are more persuasive because the tone is
formal and there will likely be several hard facts included that they can use as support
for their argument. On the other hand, more liberal and open-minded audiences may
find non-academic writing more persuasive because the appeal to emotion -this kind of
appeal to emotion is called pathos- could play a huge part in the argument (Carroll).

Zack De Piero 3/1/2016 1:43 AM

Comment [18]: Alright, good eyes here,
but.. so what? Why is this important?

Academic and nonacademic writing differ in many ways and one can observe that the
intended purpose of the article influences the writers moves based on the inclusion of
background information and language used within the articles. The three different
disciplines of psychological, biological, and sociocultural all examine MDMA but
because of the authors chosen moves based on the different intended purposes, the
importance of information varies for the audiences. The authors were able to use moves
involving the inclusion of background information and jargon in order to stay true to that
discipline while all examining different aspects of the same subject.

Works Cited
Hysek, C. M., Y. Schmid, L. D. Simmler, G. Domes, M. Heinrichs, C.
Eisenegger, K. H. Preller, B. B. Quednow, and M. E. Liechti. "MDMA Enhances
Emotional Empathy and Prosocial Behavior." Social Cognitive and Affective
Neuroscience 9.11 (2013): 1645-652. Web. 16 Feb. 2016.
Lowe, Charles, and Pavel Zemliansky. Writing Spaces: Readings on Writing. West
Lafayette, IN: Parlor, 2010. Print.
Lunsford, Andrea A., and John J. Ruszkiewicz. Everything's an Argument. Boston, MA:
Bedford/St. Martins, 2013. Print.
Navarro-Zaragoza, Javier, Clara Ros-Sim, Mara-Victoria Milans, Olga Valverde, and
Mara-Luisa Laorden. "Binge Ethanol and MDMA Combination Exacerbates Toxic
Cardiac Effects by Inducing Cellular Stress." PLOS ONE PLoS ONE 10.10 (2015). Web.
16 Feb. 2016.
"From Gary to Molly: The Feminisation of Ecstasy in Popular Culture | Thump."
Thump RSS. Web. 17 Feb. 2016.

Writing 2 Feedback Matrix for WP2

Table of Textual Features and Qualities

Did Not Meet

Expectations
Thesis Statement

Met
Expectations

Use of Textual Evidence from

Genres

X+

Use of Course Readings

Analysis

Organization/Structure

X-

Attention to
Genre/Conventions and
Rhetorical Factors

X-

Attention to Moves

Sentence-level Clarity,
Mechanics, Flow
Comments and Grade

Exceeded
Expectations

J-Smith,

Were both in a tough situation here -- you, writing the

paper, and me, giving feedback to your paper -because of the rough week(s) you had. I know that
school seems so insignificant when life gets in the
way (and rightfully so), so I dont think that this paper
necessarily reflects your top-tier potential. That said,
out of fairness, I have to grade/respond to it like I do
everybody else.
So I think you put yourself in decent shape for the
portfolio revision -- I hope my comments provide a
guide for you to re see different possibilities for this
paper. On top of that, here are some other thoughts:
-Tell me more about these pieces -- what specific data
did they collect? Whatd they find? Whats going to

be done with their work? I dont feel like I learned

anything new about MDMA from a psych or bio
perspective -- help me understand what theyre trying
to teach us about this issue. Get into the data. Get
into their RQs. What does it seem like each
perspective values with regard to understanding this
topic?
-I didnt feel like your argument was as crisp as it
couldve been. Finding out what, exactly, youre trying
to convince me of might also help you to think about
what kind of structure/organization would be best
suited to laying out that argument from the start to the
finish.
-Please, please, please make better friends with
paragraphs. Use them to break up your whole
argument into 1 specific point at a time. Think: how
can I build this, layer by layer? I think you only had 6
or 7 in a 6-page paper. Theres no mathematical rule to
this, but it should be probably be somewhere between
10 and 20.
-Lastly, I felt like anybody could have written this
paper; I want to read a paper by YOU. I dont want
you to feel like you have to place 100% analytical
distance between you and this piece. As long as youre
supporting your main claims/argument with evidence,
you can kinda loosen up a bit and have more fun
with it. I encourage you to do that and be playful with
your language. Be yourself. Again: as long as you can
back up whatever youre saying, you should be good
to go.
I hope that my comments here dont upset you; please
take them as a learning opportunity and a way for you
to challenge yourself and to continue growing as a
writer, thinker, and researcher. Youre super-smart,
and its my job to push everybody to achieve their
potential (in 10 short weeks. Gah!).

All told, I thought that this was a solid effort and I

expect great work in/for your portfolio.
Z
7/10